Chapter Text
When Wu Xie woke the next day, noises from the shop were filtering through to the house in ways they usually didn't. Wu Xie groaned and pulled Pangzi's pillow over his head. Why was everyone so loud this morning? Wasn't it still too early for this? Wu Xie grabbed blindly for his phone, dragging it under the pillow with him to squint at the clock. 10:30 AM. Definitely not too early then. But, still, couldn't they keep it down? Didn't they know someone was cursed in here?
Ten more minutes passed before Wu Xie gave it up as worthless, threw off the covers, pulled on his robe without bothering to tie it, and made his way out to the courtyard in his slippers. "Xiaoge! What's going on in the shop? Why is everyone so loud? Did Wang Meng declare a sale day and not tell me?"
Xiaoge looked up from his sword training, a confused frown on his face. ~You don't need to shout. I can hear you very well, Wu Xie. You're the only one making noise.~
At those gentle, quiet words, Wu Xie's heart began to pound. If there was no noise coming from the shop… or if Xiaoge couldn't hear it… Wu Xie slowly raised his hands to cover his ears, pressing as hard against them as he could. The noise didn't abate. Not one bit. He motioned Xiaoge closer, taking one of Xiaoge's hands and pressing it over his own. Xiaoge got the message and, when Wu Xie put his other hand back, Xiaoge covered that one as well, pressing harder even than Wu Xie had dared. Nothing. No help. The voices from the shop were just as loud, even with Xiaoge's hands and his own covering his ears. And now that he knew what he was listening for, Wu Xie could pick out Wang Meng, and Kan Jian, too. Ershu must have sent him over with his translation work from the night before. Wu Xie was even able to pick out some of their regulars and, at any other time, he would have been thrilled to get an inside glimpse at what they really thought of Wushanju, but right now it was just more noise.
The dawning horror must have been clear to read on Wu Xie's face, because Xiaoge soon dropped his hands from Wu Xie's ears and enfolded him in a tight embrace, instead. ~It's going to be all right. You said so, and I believe that. I'll get Wang Meng to clear out the shop, then send him home, as well, and that will help.~
Wu Xie nodded, though the last thing he wanted was for Xiaoge to go. As loud as it was inside his head, right now, he still felt safer in Xiaoge's arms than he felt anywhere else. When Xiaoge left, Wu Xie sank down to sit on the steps, curling over until his forehead touched his knees, his arms slung protectively over his head. That was where Pangzi found him ten minutes later.
"Aiyo, Tianzhen. Xiaoge just stormed into the shop and glared away all our customers. You have anything to do with that?"
At least, for once, Pangzi wasn't so cursed loud, or if he was, Wu Xie couldn't tell over the noise inside his head. Wu Xie turned his head just enough to see Pangzi out of the corner of his eye. His voice cracked and wobbled more than once as he spoke, fighting against the lump that had risen once he'd realized what was happening. "I… Pangzi, I can hear all of them. Every customer in the shop. Wang Meng. Kan Jian. I need them to leave."
"Shit." Pangzi's eyes widened. "Wait. You can hear all of them, now… what about me? Can you hear me?"
…no. Wu Xie couldn't hear Pangzi. And it was probably a sign of how distraught he was that it hadn't even occurred to him that he couldn't until Pangzi asked. "No. No, I can't hear you. And before you ask, no, I have no idea why."
"OK. Good. That's good. Then it should be safe for me stay with you. Why don't we get you back inside, then?"
Pangzi slid a gentle hand under Wu Xie's elbow to help him up, but Wu Xie pulled away. At Pangzi's soft noise of query, Wu Xie said, "I can't, it's… it's easier to breathe out here. I can't… the noise… it's too much inside."
Pangzi nodded and settled back down. "Then we'll just sit outside and soak up the winter sun, yeah? And Pang-ye will protect you while Xiaoge chases all the noisy people away. He's good at that."
Wordlessly, Wu Xie leaned over to rest against Pangzi's shoulder. He really did feel better outside, but it felt even better to have Pangzi's solid, steady presence beside him. As the voices from the shop started teasing away, Kan Jian and Wang Meng being the last to go—and under extreme protest on Kan Jian's part—Wu Xie finally relaxed and lowered his arms from his head. Pangzi lifted a warm hand to lightly rub his back. Wu Xie's smile was more wobbly than he'd have liked, but he offered it to Pangzi like a gift. There was nothing to say that they hadn't said more than once to each other, already, but he appreciated Pangzi more than he could put into words right now.
Of course, Pangzi understood anyway.
Pulling him close in a one-armed hug, Pangzi said, "I know, Tianzhen. I know."
When Xiaoge came back and sat down on Wu Xie's other side, he didn't say a word. They sat there like that, silent, letting Xiaoge's meditative calm wash over all of them, for at least an hour.
It was the last moment of peace Wu Xie had for quite some time.
By early afternoon, Wu Xie was picking up stray thoughts from the neighbors and anyone else who happened to pass by the shop, jumping every time an unexpected thought intruded on his work. By dinnertime, he was picking up thoughts from people two streets over, and by the next morning, he was almost sure he'd heard Xiao Bai's voice in his ear when he woke up… all the way from Warehouse 11.
It became so loud inside his head that Wu Xie couldn't hear Pangzi and Xiaoge even when they were shouting in his face. He finally retreated into the bathroom—the central-most room in the house—and curled into as tight a ball as he could in the bathtub. It didn't help, but the cool porcelain of the tub eased the now constant pain in his head just a little. He was long past the point of aspirin being any use, so he'd stopped bothering.
When the porcelain had finally warmed too much from his body heat to be of any more use, Wu Xie finally left the bathroom, started pacing the house as though he could somehow outrun the thoughts of an entire city of people.
He couldn't.
Every now and then Wu Xie let Xiaoge or Pangzi catch up to him, hold him for a little while, massage his head for him, place an ice pack on the back of his neck, but by the second day of this, Wu Xie couldn't even stand that. The slightest touch of someone's hand against his skin was like a shock of electricity. Even the softest of his clothes were like sandpaper against his skin. He couldn't eat; the clash of everyone else's fears and worries against his mind made him too nauseous. And he couldn't sleep because the deafening noise of overlapping thoughts kept him awake.
After 24 hours of this, Wu Xie was a nervous wreck and seriously considering going back to the undersea tomb in Xisha just to get away from all the noise.
~And why did these two idiots wait so long to call me? Were they waiting for him to have a stroke first? Thank goodness Ershu has some sense, at least.~
Huo Daofu. What was he doing here?
There was a cold shock against his chest, then, no warning, and Wu Xie thrashed away from it, curling tightly into a ball as tears soaked the pillow under his head. There were hands on him then, pulling at his body, his limbs, touching him without asking, something that tightened around his upper arm and only slowly released just to tighten again, and it hurt. Huo Daofu's thoughts layered over Xiaoge's and… was that finally Pangzi he could hear, now? Ershu's thoughts, tight with worry and fear, bulldozed over both of them, and was he praying?
After a few more minutes, there were more hands on him, pulling him up to rest against someone's chest this time—and that was Xiaoge, Wu Xie would recognize the feel of those arms around him anywhere—and Wu Xie would have said something, tried to reassure him somehow, but his throat was raw and painful, on fire, like it had been back then, when that gods-forsaken cough had become a regular part of his breathing cycle. But he'd healed from that, hadn't he? He'd healed; he was well now, so why did his throat hurt so much?
Finally, it was Xiaoge's voice—his real, actual voice—that cut through the chaos in Wu Xie's head.
"Wu Xie, I hope you can hear me. Huo Daofu is worried that if we let you go on like this your heart is going to give out or you're going to have a stroke. He's going to give you something to help you sleep. We'll keep working on figuring this out. But you have to hang on. Please. Stay with us."
Wu Xie tried to talk then, to say anything, because Xiaoge didn't do this. He didn't talk that much, not even to impart information, if he could avoid it. And that he'd done it for Wu Xie… Wu Xie wanted to at least thank him, but his throat still hurt.
Xiaoge shushed him, rocking Wu Xie against his chest. "Don't try to talk. You screamed yourself hoarse almost four hours ago; that's why we called Huo Daofu and Ershu. If you try to talk, you're just going to hurt yourself worse. Just… rest, Wu Xie. I'll be here with you."
Moments later, there was a sharp pain at Wu Xie's inner elbow, followed by cold creeping up his veins… and finally… finally… everything went quiet.
For a long time, Wu Xie… drifted.
Outside thoughts came to him, now and then, soft, distant… no urgency.
Wu Xie couldn't have stirred himself to care, even if he tried.
Sometimes, he would drift closer, become aware that some of what he was hearing were actual voices, but soon after that, Huo Daofu's acerbic thoughts would override them and bring with it the ice that flooded his veins and took the world away with it.
And Wu Xie would be adrift again.
Mercifully, he didn't dream.
Some time later—Wu Xie couldn't have said how much—he drifted back towards true wakefulness, voices intruding on his peace, then thoughts. He curled tightly into himself, whimpering, trying to block it all out, even knowing it would be futile. But then there were hands, pulling his away from his face, stroking through his hair and ghosting over his cheeks.
"Wu Xie… can you hear me? Please open your eyes."
And Wu Xie still couldn't deny Xiaoge anything he asked. He pried his eyes open, though it felt like there were ten ton weights strapped to each eyelid. Xiaoge was stretched out beside him in bed, propped up on one elbow to hover over him, kindly blocking the light from the window. He was beautiful, like always—because really, when was he not?—but there were deep circles under his eyes. And his eyes were red, puffy… as though he'd been crying. But… Xiaoge? Crying? That was even more unbelievable than the speech he'd given before Huo Daofu took the world away.
"There you are."
Xiaoge smiled, and Wu Xie couldn't help but smile in return.
Xiaoge said, softly, "Thanks to Zhang Rishan's timely return text, Ershu thinks he's cracked the tomb inscriptions. You were right. This was about me. About Zhang Qiling." Xiaoge swallowed hard, one hand lifting to sift through Wu Xie's hair again. "It was a Zhang tomb, a very, very old one, from long before we started burying our dead in the Zhang ancestral tomb. And you weren't the one who triggered the curse. I did, just by walking through the first door."
Xiaoge's breath hitched at that point, and he had to stop again. ~I don't like to see you hurting. I like to see you hurting even less when it's because of me.~ That was what Xiaoge had thought… however many days ago it had now been. This had to be his worst nightmare. Wu Xie knew with certainty that it would have been his own. After all… it had been. Knowing that Xiaoge was behind the Bronze Gate, suffering because of him, in his place… it had nearly broken him. Wu Xie would never have wished that pain on anyone.
When Xiaoge finally got his breath back, he continued. "The curse was set in place as a mechanism to retrieve a Zhang Qiling's lost memories, to use another person as a conduit to access those that had been lost. There is a time limit."
Finally gathering enough strength to croak out a single question, Wu Xie asked, "What did the inscription say? The one on the coffin?"
Xiaoge's eyes turned distant then, not quite meeting Wu Xie's as he recited the words. "The one closest to the heart of Zhang Qiling, the one with whom he wishes to share his secrets, will have until sunset on the seventh day to listen. If they fail to hear, they will drown in the secrets of the rest of the world… and be lost."
Xiaoge turned back to meet Wu Xie's gaze, raising his hand to cup Wu Xie's cheek. He leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. Xiaoge's voice was so rough when he spoke again, that Wu Xie didn't think he was imagining it when a drop of wetness hit his cheek, and then another. "If Ershu was correct in his translation, then we only have an hour or two left before this becomes permanent. There's no time to figure out how to retrieve those memories. But he hopes… I hope… that given the wording, sharing a secret of another kind might work, as well. Will you hear my secret, Wu Xie?"
Wu Xie nodded, even as tears prickled at his own eyes at the pain in Xiaoge's voice. Xiaoge took a deep breath, pulling away just far enough to look Wu Xie in the eyes as he spoke.
"I love you."
"I loved you already when I woke up in that hospital and saw you for the first time. It was a part of me, whole and complete, an immutable fact. It was the only part of me—the only part not of Zhang Qiling—that survived from before I lost my memories. I don't remember how it happened or why, I just know that it was. It was more a part of me than my heart, my lungs, my mind. I didn't even know who you were… but I knew that I loved you."
Xiaoge bowed his head again, his voice finally going hoarse and strained from all the talking. "I don't need you to love me back, not like that. It will be enough that you let me stay by your side… that you don't push me away. That's all I ask." He fell silent then, unable or unwilling to say another word.
As for Wu Xie… for the first time in days, his mind was blessedly silent. The chatter of the outside world no longer intruded. He couldn't hear Ershu's thoughts or Huo Daofu's or Pangzi's. He couldn't hear Xiaoge's either. He let out a hoarse bark of laughter that was closer to tears than any laughter had a right to be. Xiaoge looked up, then, his eyes wide. "…Wu Xie?"
Wu Xie smiled, wide and unburdened, and said, "It worked. I can't hear you anymore. I can't hear anyone anymore." He reached up and placed his hand against Xiaoge's face. "And we are both… idiots."
Xiaoge, who had just been starting to smile, frowned. "Why?"
Wu Xie laughed again, reached up with his other hand to frame Xiaoge's face—that lovely, lovely face. "Xiaoge… I've been in love with you since following you to Mt. Changbai… no, no it was definitely before. Tamatuo? The undersea tomb? Hell, it was probably before that. Love at first sight." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. The point is that I didn't figure it out until, oh… at least six or seven years after you disappeared behind the Bronze Gate. If I'm being generous with myself." Wu Xie made a face. "So, if you had it figured out before the Bronze Gate, then you did better than I did… but we're still both idiots."
This time, Xiaoge's smile didn't stop until it had spread across his face and reached his eyes. Seeing that, Wu Xie couldn't stop there. He'd been in pain for so long… he needed something good. Sliding one hand behind Xiaoge's head, he finally did what he'd wanted to do, what he'd fantasized about, from the first moment he had figured out what his feelings for Xiaoge meant. He pulled Xiaoge's face down towards his and into a kiss.
Xiaoge came willingly, all the tension melting from his body at the first brush of their lips together, his weight pressing Wu Xie down into the mattress, grounding him after having been adrift for so long. Wu Xie opened his mouth, teasing at Xiaoge's lips until he gasped, then pressed their tongues together. Xiaoge surged against him, eagerly deepening the kiss.
And, oh, Wu Xie wanted more. He wanted everything Xiaoge would give him. He slid his legs slowly apart until Xiaoge slipped between them, brushing against him. Xiaoge broke away from Wu Xie's lips with another gasp, then came back to explore the planes of Wu Xie's neck with his tongue, his lips, his teeth, lingering over the ridge of scar tissue. Wu Xie arched up against him with a soft cry. Please, please, please.
The door creaked open.
"Oh, come on! Xiaoge, Tianzhen, put a damned sock on the door or something, next time! No one needs to see that, least of all me. I sleep in that bed. Sometimes. Pretty sure that's my pillow, at least. Xiao Mei could have walked in." Pangzi paused. "Ershu could have walked in. Can you even imagine what he would have said?"
Xiaoge twisted around to level his best glare in Pangzi's direction, and Wu Xie was thrilled to note that he had absolutely no idea what Xiaoge was thinking along with that silent glare, though he was now sure that Xiaoge was thinking something, even if he didn't verbalize it. With a fond shake of his head, Wu Xie pushed himself upright and patted Xiaoge's hand. "It's OK, Xiaoge. We have time." Softly. "We have plenty of time." To Pangzi he said, "If I promise we won't kiss while you're in the room, or do anything else you wouldn't want to be a part of, will you join us?"
Pangzi finally smiled. "Well, if you put it that way…"
As Xiaoge slid back off of Wu Xie to lay by his side, Pangzi settled in on Wu Xie's other side, throwing an arm over his stomach as he curled closer. Quietly, Pangzi asked, "Can I take it to mean that it worked, then? No more mind reading?"
Wu Xie smiled. "No more mind reading."
Pangzi sighed. "So, I guess we'll never know why you couldn't hear me, then."
Wu Xie reached up to squeeze Pangzi's hand where it lay heavy on his stomach. "But I do know, Pangzi. It took me until that last day to figure it out, but I do know."
Pangzi lifted his head just long enough to glare at Wu Xie. "And you didn't share this information, why?"
"I had a few other things on my mind, Pangzi; cut me a little slack!"
Before the teasing could turn physical, Xiaoge reached out to place his hand over both of theirs. The look on his face spoke volumes. Wu Xie still couldn't quite believe that he'd had the privilege to read some of them, even if only for a few days. He sighed, "OK, OK, no funny business. I got it." Turning towards Pangzi, Wu Xie said, "It's because you're an open book, Pangzi. You say everything that crosses your mind, no matter how inane. Do you remember how often I asked you to speak more quietly?" When Pangzi nodded, Wu Xie said, "It took a while, but I finally figured out that you weren't speaking any louder than usual. It was just that I was hearing your thoughts layered over your voice, and it made you seem louder. I think I was hearing you even before I heard Ershu."
As Pangzi's mouth opened in a silent "oh," Wu Xie continued. "What I didn't understand, what I still don't understand, was why you seemed so relieved every time I told you I couldn't hear you." He paused for a moment, then said quietly, "I won't press, Pangzi. You're allowed to have your secrets. We all are. But if there's anything you want to tell me… I'll listen. We both will."
Wu Xie waited then, his breath catching and holding somewhere near his heart. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was afraid—of what Pangzi might say, of potential rejection, of disappointment. He was afraid of learning that Pangzi resented him for the loss of Piaopiao… Yun Cai… any chance he might have had at a normal life, a family of his own. He was afraid of learning how much worse that must feel, now that it was clear that Wu Xie and Xiaoge had found in each other what Pangzi had always wanted for himself.
But Pangzi's next words surprised him… even though they really, really shouldn't have.
Quietly, so quietly that Wu Xie had to lean closer to hear him, Pangzi said, "I was worried. I know how easily overwhelmed you can get when you get stuck in your own head. And I thought… bad enough you can hear Xiaoge's every thought; you didn't need to be dealing with mine as well." He snorted. "You think I'm loud on the outside, Tianzhen? I'm even louder inside my own head. Mind you, I don't mind it. I've lived like this my whole life, loud and unashamed of it. But I knew you would mind. And the last thing I wanted was to be in the way." A pause. "I never want to be in the way."
Hearing those words, that quiet pain, nearly broke Wu Xie. He turned over the rest of the way towards Pangzi and threw an arm over him as far as he could reach, whispering his response directly into Pangzi's ear. "You're not in the way. You're never in the way. You'll never be in the way. You're one corner of the Iron Triangle and we will always be strongest together. You hear that, Pang-ye?"
The next thing Wu Xie knew, Pangzi had rolled over towards him and thrown an arm and a leg so far across him that they pulled Xiaoge into the embrace, too. And Xiaoge came willingly, bracketing Wu Xie between them so completely that Wu Xie couldn't have moved if he wanted to.
He definitely didn't want to.
There would be time enough to reassure everyone else about his recovery. There would be time enough to research the mechanism of that tomb to see if it could be used to get Xiaoge's memories back… though Wu Xie was sure that Xiaoge would strenuously object to that one. And there would be time enough to explore this new aspect to his relationship with Xiaoge… and to figure out a way to keep Pangzi from walking in at inopportune moments. But for now, Wu Xie was comfortable, at peace, and exhausted. Tomorrow would just have to wait.
Surrounded by the warmth of his friends, and with the world finally, blessedly silent around him… Wu Xie slept.