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Buck's Lack of Baby Steps

Chapter 16: Messy Love

Notes:

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. Real life kicked my ass for a while.

I was going to give you fluffy resolution, but then decided to get messy and deal with loose ends. I may put up a smutty epilogue some day.

*Fic Ana is not show Ana. I kind of like her on the show. Here she's a stage 5 clinger.

Chapter Text

“I’m fine!” Buck protested for the 15th time. Eddie made a fuss to try and get Buck to stand at the elevator doors to the parking ramp so that he could pull around for Buck to get in. The doctor told both of them clear as day that Buck should try to do some light walking at least once every two hours to prevent clotting. As far as he was concerned, walking to the truck absolutely counted. 

 

He was sore and he was moving slowly, but he had finally been cleared to leave and he was not waiting for the truck when he could just walk to it.

 

“There’s fine for normal people, and then there’s your version of fine, Buck. They are not the same thing.” Eddie said it with a teasing smile, so Buck knew he wasn’t really upset about the slow shuffle to the parking space. Getting into the truck was a bitch, but that would have been an issue either way. After five days and a metric shit ton of boredom, Buck was finally on his way to Eddie’s house.

 

“I promise I am actually fine. And you’re looking pretty fine too.” Buck gave Eddie his most salacious smirk. Figuring out that he was actually dating the man of his dreams had done terrible things to Buck’s libido. Of course it was only terrible because he’d been stuck in the hospital completely unable to do anything to alleviate the issue.

 

Eddie rolled his eyes as he backed out of the space and headed out of the ramp. “The doctor said no intercourse for 10 to 14 days. I was there and I was listening, unlike you. If I hadn't been you’d probably try to convince me orgasms are good for healing.”

 

“They are! They release endorphins and sex is a proven immunity booster! There have been peer reviewed studies!”

 

“Well those peer reviewed studies can keep you warm at night because I am following doctor’s orders.” Eddie looked completely unaffected by Buck’s righteous indignation.

 

“Oh come on. Have you ever gotten road head before?” Buck raised a suggestive eyebrow. 

 

Eddie just laughed at him. “Jesus, Buck! You can barely bend over! If you even attempted that right now you’d probably faint. I think I’ll pass.”

 

Buck sighed in defeat. “Can I at least get a rain check?”

 

“God yes.” Buck took great pride in how flustered Eddie looked and how often his eyes strayed from the road to Buck’s mouth.

 

Eddie swallowed hard. “Tell you what. If you’re very good and rest when I tell you to, maybe I’ll, you know , to you in a couple of days.”

 

“I don’t know. You should describe to me what you’re talking about. In detail.” 

 

They both laughed. Eddie swatted at his arm. “Don’t make fun of me! I’ve never done that before. I might suck at it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to suck at it.”

 

“I hope you suck on it.”

 

“Buck! I’m being serious! You let me hump your face. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that. What if I’m really terrible?”

 

Buck shook his head and hummed in disagreement. “Impossible. Unless you bite at me, it’s going to be really good.”

 

Shyly Eddie said, “You say that now, but I’m not like you. I have a gag reflex and zero practical experience.”

 

Buck remembered having the same anxieties before he hooked up with Rafael, but that felt like a million years ago. This wasn’t trying to learn skills with a stranger, it was Buck and Eddie. There was no way it could go wrong. “If you hit your gag reflex, stop going. You take what you can and use your hand on the rest.”

 

Just picturing it was getting Buck even more riled up. 

 

“Stop looking at me like that, Buck.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like you want me to jump you. Even if you’re good I’m not putting any part of you in my mouth for at least two days, so calm it down.”

 

“You’re no fun!”

 

“You think I’m plenty of fun and if you turn this surgery into a permanent injury by overexerting yourself you’ll be angry forever. So how about we change the subject to something that’s not sexy? Like, why don’t we talk about how my parents are going to be at the house with Chris when we get there?”

 

Yep, that did it. “Well that’s a boner killer. How are we going to explain me sleeping in your bed?”

 

“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I think we should tell them that we’re together.”

 

The air left Buck’s lungs and simply refused to go back in for a moment. But in a good way. “You want to tell people that we’re together?”

 

They had established that they were dating, but Eddie hadn’t said anything about letting the team or Maddie know. Being willing to be with Buck and being willing to tell other people were two different ball games. Buck couldn’t count on two hands the times he’d been dumped by women who were fine with using him for sex but didn’t want to introduce him to their parents.

 

“Of course.” Once again Eddie looked genuinely puzzled. “Do you not want to tell people?”

 

“Of course I do! But I’m not the one who’s slumming it.”

 

“Every time I think I’ve gotten to the very bottom of your self esteem issues, they just go further. I’m not slumming it, and I think telling Christopher and my parents is a good place to start. The team might be a little harder. Not because I don’t want to tell them, but because they’ll watch us like hawks and tease us forever.”

 

Buck bounced in his seat a little then quickly stopped when pain shot through him. “Yes. Yes, let’s tell your parents. Do you think they’ll be okay with it?”

 

“I think they’ll be a little confused and I’m sure my dad will argue that I’m gay, but they’ll get over it. Or Abuela will use her chancla until they’re over it. She loves you.”

 

They spent the rest of the trip in comfortable silence with Buck doing his best not to picture naughty things. He did not want to meet Eddie’s parents with an awkward hard on.

 

When they pulled up, Buck spotted something off. “Why are there two cars in the driveway?”

 

Just as soon as Buck was through the doorway Chris was bounding into his arms. He smacked into Buck with enough force to press them back against the wall. Buck hid his wince. “Hey buddy. I missed you too.”

 

He heard a sniffle. “Hey, Chris. I’m here now and I’m okay. It’s okay.”

 

Christopher pulled back and wiped at his eyes. Eddie shut the door and set down the bags they’d brought back from the hospital. He glanced worriedly at the pair. 

 

Chris whispered, “Buck, can you make them leave?”

 

“Who? Your grandparents? Why?”

 

“No, not them. Your parents.”

 

The icy numbness that washed down Buck’s frame like drinking cold water on a hot day was becoming all too familiar. He stepped forward to glance down the hall to the kitchen. Sure enough, there was his mother, waving to him. Just to add to the absolute insanity of the moment, also sitting at the table were who he presumed to be Eddie’s parents, and Ana freaking Flores.

 

“What the actual fuck.” Buck mumbled. It was loud enough that Chris giggled at the swear.

 

As if she was telling him the greatest news in the world his mother cheerily announced, “Evan! There you are! We were just talking to the Diazs’ about this whole custody business. I have good news. If anything happens to Eddie they’d be happy to have Christopher. I know that you’re very fond of him, but isn’t it nice to know he’d still be with family? They said they’d be happy to let you visit.”

 

Helena glanced nervously around the table. “Eddie, Margaret was telling me you told her that Buck was listed as Chris’s next of kin? Is that true? Why didn’t you tell us?”

 

“You could’ve at least told me,” Ana tacked on as if it were a mild annoyance.

 

Eddie choked on stunned silence for a minute before he spluttered out, “Mom, you and dad are getting older. Chris needs to be with someone who will be around for a long time. Ana, why would I discuss anything with you? We broke up. We are not together. You have no say in my son’s life.”

 

“I choose Buck!” Chris yelled, still clinging to Buck who was using the wall as a support.

 

Ana rose and moved toward them. “Edmundo, I know that work has been hectic and you needed a break to sort out-” 

 

Eddie took a step back and held his hands up. “Whoa. No. Nope. I did not need a break. We Broke Up. I am never getting back with you.”

 

Eddie’s parents exchanged worried glances. His mother pointedly said, “Ana, thank you for stopping by, but I think it’s time for you to go.”

 

“This is ridiculous, honestly Edmundo, there’s no need for all of this.”

 

He evaded her hands when she tried to caress his arm. “Stop calling me Edmundo, and leave my house. I’m not comfortable having you here. I’m seeing someone.”

 

That had her looking a little worried. “No, this is just a rough patch.”

 

“Eddie and I are dating.” 

 

Buck’s declaration hung in the air like a poison fog. Everyone knew it was there but they all seemed to be avoiding it.

 

“Really?! That’s awesome!” Chris, it seemed, was immune to the awkwardness. “Does this mean you might get married and be my other dad for real?”

 

Eddie nervously chuckled, “Whoa buddy. It’s only been three weeks.”

 

Phillip scoffed loudly. “Oh please. Evan, there’s no need for this kind of attention seeking behavior. You don’t need to come up with some sort of outlandish lie just to get this poor young woman to leave.”

 

Absolutely deadpan Buck turned to his father and said, “I’m not lying. I’m bi. I’m dating Eddie.”

 

“Attention seeking behavior?” Eddie blocked Buck from his parent’s view as they stood from the table. “Has he even called you once in the past five years when one of your children wasn’t hospitalized? He’s telling the truth. We’re together. And you know what? This is way too much. We just got here from the hospital. I need all of you to go.”

 

“Boys,” Buck’s mother said condescendingly, “You told us it was important for us to get to know Eddie. Here we are and you’re already kicking us out? And are you really going to continue with this farce? Evan, you’ve been kissing girls since before you were allowed to date.”

 

“Why would we lie about this?! And I wanted you to know the people that are important to me! Not try to get Eddie to change his will! How did you even get this address? Why did you think it would even be appropriate to show up here without talking to either of us?” Buck screeched back.

 

“We got the address from one of your firefighter friends. Margaret, what was his name? Jack? Jake? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is you two talking about inappropriate relations in front of this child.”

 

Chris wiggled out of Buck’s arms. “Dad said that you should go. You’re making Buck upset and he’s supposed to be resting.”

 

“Our grandson is right.” Helena stood from her seat. “Eddie, we have a lot to talk about but this isn’t the time. Let’s get Buck settled in first.”

 

Phillip threw up his hands. “So you’re just okay with this perversion? Our son was at least straight before your son came along.”

 

Ramon stepped up to within inches of his face. “What do you have to say about our son? Eddie is a good boy. Your Buck is lucky to have him and Christopher.”

 

The entire house devolved into shouting. Ramon and Phillip were toe to toe. Buck had never seen his father that angry before. Their wives were trying to keep them apart, while also yelling at each other. Off to the side Eddie was trying to shield Buck from it all, but Ana was still pleading for his attention and trying to talk about their relationship.

 

Buck’s head swam. He’d been standing for too long. It was all too much. He moved around the chaos to sit on the stairs. He took mindful breaths and attempted to cancel out the noise. 

 

The sound was so immense it felt like a living thing. As if the cacophony was breathing as it raged around the house. He was beginning to regret the walk to the truck. It would have saved him at least a little energy. As it was he didn’t even have enough left to get between the sets of parents berating each other.  

 

“What in the world is going on here?!” Athena’s voice cut through the din like a knife. She was standing in the front doorway like a superhero, hand on her taser. “Am I going to have to start making arrests?”

 

Margaret balked. “You can’t threaten us! You can’t just arrest people you don’t like. This is harassment.”

 

“I beg your pardon?” She shifted into her cop stance. “I’m here because we received a call from this residence. Did someone here call 9-1-1?”

 

“I did.” Chris still had the cell phone in his hand. Buck loved the hell out of that kid. “There are trespassers.” 

 

Athena shushed every adult who tried to speak and got down to Chris’s level. “Well it's a good thing I was so close by. Who’s trespassing, baby?”

 

“Buck’s parents and Ana. Dad asked them to leave, but they won’t. Now everyone is yelling.”

 

Margaret scolded him. “Christopher! This is not a reason to call 9-1-1!”

 

Buck and Eddie simultaneously said, “Whoa!”

 

“You don’t tell my kid when he can call 9-1-1! I taught him to use that number whenever he doesn’t feel safe. All of this screaming probably scared him, and I definitely told you three to leave. He did the right thing.”

 

“Damn right he did!” Buck agreed. “That was very brave, Chris.”

 

Athena smiled cheerfully. “There you have it. The legal residents of the home are telling several of you to go. You can either quietly vacate or I can cuff you. I’m good either way.”

 

Ana blinked back tears. “So were you cheating on me with Buck the whole time?”

 

Athena turned raised eyebrows to Buck. He just shrugged at her.

 

“No! I just said I’ve only been dating Buck for three weeks and we broke up a month ago! I didn’t even break up with you to date him. I broke up with you because you have boundary issues!”

 

Margaret and Phillip barely moved toward the door.

 

“Well I never.” Margaret blustered. “Evan, when you come to your senses and realize that this lifestyle isn’t healthy and you’re done experimenting, maybe we’ll be open to a reconciliation.”

 

Buck was so over this. “No. I don’t want to reconcile with you. Ever. You don’t make me feel good. You don’t make me feel worthy or happy or loved. You can’t keep blowing my world apart. I don’t want to see you again.”

 

He was surprised at how truly shocked and devastated she looked. “Oh Evan, you can’t mean that. We love you. I know that learning about the past upset you, but you know why we kept Daniel from you. And as for the adoption, we truly did only talk about giving you up for one week. Just one. It’s not as if we did anything legally.”

 

“What?” Standing in the doorway was Maddie holding Jee-Yun on one hip. Because obviously there weren’t enough people to witness this train wreck, there had to be one more. Buck had completely forgotten that she’d offered to pick up clothes and help him move in for the month.

 

Maddie’s eyes were brimming with tears. Her face was already beginning to swell red with suppressed emotion. “You what? How? Wha- I’m the one who fed him and changed him and kissed his boo boos. I potty trained him! I taught him how to ride a bike! He wasn’t your baby, he was mine! How dare you think of giving my baby brother away.”

 

Buck’s mom turned his way. “Now see what you’ve done? You’re turning Maddie against us too.” 

 

She walked to Maddie with her hands out to pull her into a hug. 

 

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Maddie wailed. She huddled Jee-Yun into her arms, hunched over her, and turned her back on Margaret as if protecting her child from a vicious beast.

 

Athena turned gentle with the Buckleys as she started shooing them out the door. “Come on now, it’s time to go.”

 

Phillip bristled against the command, no matter how soft it was. “No! These are my children. Evan, come home with us. We’ll talk to our pastor. We can get these homosexual urges out of you.”

 

“Get out of my home.” Eddie’s voice was straight venom. “You are never welcome back here.”

 

Philip turned to his daughter as a last resort. “Maddie, sweetie-”

 

“He said get out.” She told him firmly with an iron tone. “And don’t think for one second you’re welcome at my home either.” 

 

Athena put one hand on his shoulder and another on his back. “Don’t make me call in back-up. This doesn’t have to end with jail.”

 

He put up a few more meek protests but ultimately they both went to the car and pulled away. 

 

In all of the commotion Buck had nearly forgotten about Ana. She was being so quiet. She was just leaning against the wall silently looking devastated.

 

“I’ve been so stupid.” She wiped at her eyes and collected her cardigan. She stood in front of Eddie. “Is there any chance at all?”

 

He shook his head. “No. I don’t think there ever was. I’m sorry.”

 

“Swear to me that you didn’t cheat on me with Buck.”

 

“I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life.”

 

She nodded at his sincerity. She didn’t make eye contact with Buck as she walked out the front door that Athena was holding open for her. When Athena locked it behind her, Buck finally let some tension fall away.

 

“You okay there, Buckaroo?”

 

“I think I need a nap. Hey, Christopher, come here.” 

 

It hurt a little, but Buck gathered him up into a hug. “Thank you, buddy. You did the right thing.”

 

“Next time you can just call auntie Athena right away and I’ll come protect your daddy and Buck since they don’t seem to be capable of calling me themselves.”

 

Helena came around the banister to them. “Why don’t we get you set up in the master? Hang tight for just a minute while I change the sheets.”

 

Ramon awkwardly stood to the side as Eddie helped Buck to his feet.

 

Now that everything had died down Buck remembered that he was meeting Eddie’s parents for the first time. This was the only meet-the-parents he’d ever get. The urge to make a better first impression overwhelmed Buck. He carefully stepped down to the landing. “Hello, sir, I’m Buck.” He offered his hand to shake.

 

Ramon gave him a tight smile and shook it. “Hello. I’m Ramon Diaz. My grandson has told me all about you.”

 

“Buck’s my best friend! He saved me from a tsunami.”

 

They all chuckled. Eddie moved to Buck's side to support him as he began to slump. Ramon said, “Yes, so you’ve said. And you’re fine with him dating your dad?”

 

“Yeah! Now he’ll be over all the time.”

 

Ramon nodded. “Well, Buck, if Christopher likes you, that’s all I need to know.”

 

“You’re dating Eddie?” Maddie asked with a watery voice. “That’s so sweet!”

 

Buck hadn’t even been aware that he was afraid of Maddie’s reaction until just that moment when he felt an unknown pressure float away. He let more of his weight lean onto Eddie. 

 

“Thanks, Mads. I’m sorry everyone, but I think I have to go take a nap.” He felt as though his legs would fail him at any moment. 

 

Eddie swung one of Buck’s arms over his shoulders. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

 

Helena was just smoothing out the comforter when Buck arrived to mess it all up again.

 

“Your father and I will grab a hotel for the night. We’ll come back to help out with Chris tomorrow.” She said as Eddie helped lower Buck onto the bed. “It was nice to meet you, Buck. I’m sorry that I let your parents and Ana in. If I had known…”

 

“It’s not your fault, Mama. I didn’t think to warn you.” Eddie gave her a kiss on the cheek.

 

She gave him a hug. “We’ll go say goodbye to Christopher then get out of your hair.”

 

As soon as she left the room Eddie let out a huge sigh and flopped onto the bed. “Well, we came out to our parents.”

 

“Yes we did.” Buck agreed. He sank into the mattress. It already felt surreal, like a scene in a movie. He also felt lighter. He’d finally said goodbye to his parents once and for all. He expected to feel conflicted, or sorrowful. Instead he felt like he had hope for the future in a way he hadn’t for a long time.

 

“That was a shitshow.”

 

“Yes it was. At least your parents were cool about it.”

 

“They may have looked cool about it, but I can tell they’re freaked. I’ll get an earful when I get back downstairs.”

 

“Maybe, but they love you. They’ll have your back.”

 

“Yeah. I think they will.” Eddie laced his fingers through Buck’s.

 

“Maddie and Athena are totally going to tell everyone at the station that we’re dating.”

 

Eddie smirked. “Yeah they are. It’s too bad. I was kind of looking forward to seeing Chim’s face when Hen says, ‘I knew it!’”

 

“You think Hen knows?”

 

“I think Hen called me out for acting like a jealous asshole every time you mentioned Rafael then gave me a smug look when I told her you’d officially broken up.”

 

Buck was fighting off sleep. After the mayhem of the afternoon he needed to bask in this alone time for just a little while longer. “Hey Eddie, when did you first know you liked me? Like, liked me liked me?”

 

“What are we twelve?” He playfully mocked. “I have no idea when I started liking you that way, but I figured it out during counseling. I’ve been seeing a therapist and when I was talking about how wrong parenting with Ana felt compared to parenting with you he asked me why I would make that comparison and it just hit me. But I thought you were straight.”

 

Buck laughed. “Oh my god! Seriously? I didn’t hit on you because I thought you were straight.”

 

“We are just a couple of walking disasters, aren’t we?”

 

Buck smiled at him. “As long as we get to be disasters together, we can handle the rest of it.”

 

“Deal.” Eddie pressed a soft kiss onto his lips. “Alright, I’m going to go face my parents and Maddie and Athena. You need anything before I go?”

 

Buck smirked, “How about that blowjob?”

 

Eddie put his forehead on Buck’s bicep and laughed. “You’re lucky I love you.”

 

Eddie completely froze as he realized what he’d said.

 

“I love you too. Now go deal with the mess downstairs while I nap.”

 

“You’re a jerk.

 

Buck said, “Too bad, you love me anyway,” and promptly fell asleep.