Chapter Text
“Do you remember when I told you about the Fae who trapped Koschei?” Vassa asked.
A slow, wary nod from Elain as she recalled the story Vassa had told her so many months ago.
“That Fae’s name was Katiya,” Vassa continued. “She was an ancient member of one of the earliest Fae tribes known to history, the Celians, a people renowned for their unique magical abilities, powerful warriors and strong military presence.
“And it was because of their fearsome reputation that Koschei decided it would be amusing ,” her face twisted into a sneer, “to terrorize the Celians. To show them that their strength was nothing compared to his. Over the course of several months, Koschei would enter the town at night, possess the soul of some unsuspecting being, and force them to kill themselves before releasing control of their soul.”
A sharp gasp escaped Elain’s throat before she could stop it. The following silence was so loud.
“Can you imagine?” Vassa asked quietly. “Waking up to find that your neighbor, or your friend, or your sibling, or your lover, or your child had killed themselves during the night? Can you imagine going to sleep every evening praying to the gods that it would not be anyone you cared about? Praying it would not be you ?
“Can you imagine knowing that it was going to keep happening and being powerless to stop it?”
Elain’s entire body felt numb with horror. No, she could not imagine. It was perhaps the most sinister, horrendous act of psychological violence she’d ever heard.
“During Koschei’s reign of terror, he killed over two-thirds of the Celian population - males, females, children, it did not matter. It was all a game to him. One he was easily winning, and he knew it.
“But what he did not know was that the Celians had a secret weapon.” Vassa’s dark expression grew brighter, fiercer, like the ignition of a flame. “ Katiya . The Seer of the Celians.”
“She was a seer?” Elain breathed. She was frozen in place listening to Vassa speak. The queen might not possess any magical powers, but her gift of storytelling was an enchantment all its own.
“Yes,” Vassa said. “A very gifted one, at that, and one of the first seers this universe ever knew. Thankfully, Koschei was unaware of her abilities. And it was this ignorance that eventually led to his downfall.
“You see, for a long time, the Celians did not know who or what was behind the surge of suicides. It was more terrifying that way, to be blinded so completely by the threat that haunted them. But once they figured out that Koschei was using soul possession to commit the murders, they were able to form a plan.”
“A plan that involved Katiya?” Elain interjected.
“Exactly,” Vassa said. “Because of Katiya’s powers, Koschei’s soul manipulation did not work on her. No one knows why or how seers have always been able to resist soul control, but they have. And though it took several months, when Katiya finally realized that she alone was able to keep him out, that she alone was able to keep her soul and her mind entirely her own - that is when the tides turned on Koschei.
When she realized this, she was able to hone her powers and foresee his plan to hide his soul. And so she ventured alone to stop him. Thank the gods she was successful in both banishing the Death Lord to the Lake he now resides and hiding the piece of his soul.”
“But how did she do it? How did Katiya banish him to the Lake?”
The queen swallowed, her face ashen. “Katiya was able to trap Koshei in the lake because of the other powers in her arsenal. You see, the Celians are also Blood Oracles. A Blood Oracle is -”
“I know what it is,” Elain said, her lips numb. Pieces were falling into place, and she felt as if the truth was circling around her, closer and closer and closer. Any minute now it would consume her entirely.
“When she used her significant powers together, she was able to foresee Koschei’s every step, and when he was at his weakest - in the few moments of limbo when he separated his soul to obtain true immortality - she trapped him at the Lake, and took the piece of soul, hiding it somewhere she knew he would never find it.”
“So where is it hidden now? You said the soul was in a box, right? Where is the box?”
And then a more pressing question occurred to Elain. “How the hell do you know all this, Vassa?”
“I know all this because Katiya is my ancestor.”
“What?”
“Yes. I am a descendant of the Celians.”
“But you’re human.”
“I am. The magic in my bloodline disappeared a long, long time ago, a result of Fae and humans interbreeding. But if you follow the lineage back far enough, you’ll find that it is the truth. I, and my entire family, are descendants of some of the earliest Fae known to our world.
“And the knowledge of Koschei’s hidden soul has existed in our family since before I was born. It is our most guarded and honored secret. And it is this secret that I have kept from you.”
“Are you telling me that you’ve known where his soul is this entire time?” Elain breathed. And then her voice grew harder, more urgent. “Where is it, Vassa? Tell me!’
“I will tell you. But before I do…” the queen swallowed heavily. “I know you will hate me after this. I know there will be no going back. But I do want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. That I have spent my life trying to protect those I care about, protect the innocent, and I really thought keeping this from you was the right thing to do. Until it wasn’t.”
“Tell me,” Elain said, and even she was surprised at the cold command in her voice.
“When Katiya took the piece of Koshei’s soul, she returned to Celia, to the remainder of her people. They were faced with the task of destroying it - but they found that they could not. While Katiya had succeeded in fooling and trapping Koshei in the lake, there was no magic, even when all the Celians used their consider powers together, that could damage the soul at all, let alone destroy it entirely. Souls are resilient, you see; even that of a monstrous Death Lord.
“So they decided that if they could not destroy it, they would have to hide it. But where do you hide such an important, sought-after object? Koschei was - is - so powerful. He can control animals and peoples, the weather and the wind, and while he is unable to obtain the piece of his soul while he resides at the Lake, Katiya and the Celians knew it was only a matter of time before he found a way to escape. It seemed inevitable that he would then find his soul, too, no matter how well they hid it, no matter how long it took him.
“Unless, of course, they hid it in the one place they knew he could not find it. A vessel that, for reasons unknown, was wholly immune to Koschei’s powers.”
Elain’s mouth was dry. “I don’t understand.”
The sympathetic look on Vassa’s face intensified. She looked nearly pained. “The Fae of the Celian tribe performed an ancient spell that concealed the part of Koshei’s soul, the part that keeps him alive against all odds, within Katiya herself. Within the seer whose magic alone could withstand Koshei’s.
“And when Katiya died, that piece of his soul was transferred to another immortal. And when that Fae died, it was transferred to another one. And then another one.
“You see,” Vassa said quietly, her voice tremulous, “there is only ever one seer in the universe at a time.”
“No,” Elain whispered as understanding began to tighten its cruel fingers around her throat.
“Yes,” Vassa said, closing her eyes. “The piece of Koshei’s soul is entwined with the soul of the Seer, traveling from being to being, embedding itself in whoever possesses omniscient powers at the time. And right now, Elain, that being is you.”
Unconsciously, Elain shook her head, unable to accept what she was hearing, even as the magic inside of her sang in recognition of the truth.
“For a very long time,” Vassa continued, the words spilling quickly from her mouth, as if now that she’d started the story, she could not stop, “Koschei did not know that the Seer carried his soul. The Celians themselves started the rumor that the soul was hidden in a box that was kept somewhere far off and well-protected. Koschei believed this lie for centuries. I still am not sure how or when he found out the truth.
“But I think it’s safe to say, given his unparalleled and relentless interest in you, Elain, that he knows now that the key to finding his soul is the universe’s only Seer. Whether or not that means he knows the soul actually resides within you, I cannot say. I would assume that he doesn’t know that particular piece of information, or else he would not have let you go during your last run-in. But Koschei is a game player, and he is full of tricks and deceit. We would be fools to think he does not have a greater plan in action.”
“But what does this mean?” Elain asked, her lips as numb as the rest of her. “What does this mean for…,” she trailed off, gesturing weakly at herself.
“For your life? For your soul?” Vassa clarified. “Your soul is your own, Elain - Koschie’s soul simply exists alongside it. But souls are a finicky business. I don’t know how much the presence of his soul has affected your own, and vice versa. I don’t know if extracting his soul would damage your own - nor how that would even be done, nor how that would affect your actual life.” The queen swallowed thickly. “But I think it is safe to assume that, if Koschei were to ever take back his soul from where it is safely hidden now - inside of you - he would not do so gently. And he would not leave you alive after the deed was finished.”
"But then how can we destroy him? If the piece of his soul still lives inside of me, then without taking it out, is there any chance of finishing him for good?"
Another heart-wrenching silence.
"I'm afraid that, as long as his soul resides safe and sound within you, there is not chance of defeating him," Vassa said finally.
Finally - the truth. Well, she’d asked for it, hadn’t she? Be careful what you wish for, indeed.
What she was feeling right now wasn’t quite fear. Ever since Koschei cornered her in the conservatory, ever since he implied that Elain knew where his soul was, she’d suspected that his reasons weren’t entirely unfounded.
She just had no idea how incredibly accurate they’d turn out to be.
“You’ve known this all along?” asked Elain, unsurprised to hear her voice crack. “You’ve known from the very beginning that there is no box, that the seer is the keeper of the missing piece of his soul?”
Vassa closed her eyes and nodded once.
“You lied to me,” Elain said.
“Yes”, Vassa replied simply, tears glittering in her eyes. “I lied to you. Just as you lied to me.”
Elain’s mouth fell open.
“You think I don't know you came here to spy on us all? To figure out what I was hiding from the Night Court?”
“That’s different,” Elain breathed.
“Is it?” The queen’s lip curled. “I did not tell you the truth because I wanted to protect my people - and you. I thought not knowing would keep you safer. I’m not excusing what I’ve done. I have misled you from the start, and I will always be sorry for it. But I do not want to lie anymore, and I want you to be able to make whatever decision you want. All because I care about you and your happiness.
“Can you say the same? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that spying on me and those in my kingdom was done with my best interests at heart?”
“I did it for my court. For the safety of those I love and the citizens in my care,” Elain said coldly. “And I’d do it again if I had to.”
Vassa looked her up and down. “You would make a great queen, you know,” she remarked after a beat. Elain blinked in surprise.
“If there is one thing I have learned during my time on the throne,” Vassa continued, “It is this: Much of the time - no, most of the time - leading is nothing more than taking two horrible choices and choosing. There is not always a right and wrong answer. Things are never black and white.
“You made a choice when you came here to try and find information that would help those you care about. Just like I made a choice to keep the truth of your affinity to Koschei a secret until I knew I could trust you with it.
“We both lied to each other. I think it’s possible that I have lied, at some point, to everyone I’ve ever loved. But that does not mean I love them any less. That does not mean I would not lay down my life for them.” Vassa’s eyes were bright with emotion and fevered promise. “You have been a true friend to me these past few months, Elain. We may have kept secrets from each other, but every ounce of affection and friendship we shared was real. You have to know that is the truth.”
The truth. What an innocuous yet infuriating word. Elain was not sure she believed there was such a thing as truth anymore - at least not in the boiled-down essence of the word. Truth implies purity and honesty; it should be portrayed in black and white; it should provide clarity over confusion.
But she knew better now. No, the truth was an obscure, ambiguous, capricious little beast that hid in the shadows and twisted and transformed until it was no longer recognizable. It looked like one thing to one person and it looked entirely different to another, a dynamic and ever changing entity that could never be pinned down.
She had craved the truth for so long, but now that she had it, she found that it had spun her entire world off its rickety, precarious axis. Now that she had it, she didn’t understand why she’d ever desired it in the first place.
The truth was nothing more than a disappointment.
“The truth?” Elain repeated back. “If we’re speaking truths here, Vassa,” she continued, her voice low and icy, “How about you tell me the truth of your feelings for Lucien?”
Vassa stiffened. “Excuse me?”
“You love him, don’t you?” Elain asked. “That is the truth of your heart. Isn’t it?”
Vassa’s fingers had started to tremble. “I don’t understand why this matters,” she whispered, an uncharacteristic meekness about her.
For whatever reason, the queen’s meek demeanor infuriated her all the more.
“Of course it matters!” Elain was not surprised to find that her voice had risen considerably. Anger, at Vassa and at the entire unfairness of the world, at the knowledge that her soul’s fate was entwined with that of a death lord’s was dictating her every move. Heart racing, she continued on, clearly and recklessly crossing the line drawn in the sand. “Did you keep this from me because you want him? Because you wanted to remove me from the equation, destroy the mating bond, so you could have him for yourself?”
A look of dark fury spread across Vassa’s expression, the likes of which Elain had never before seen. “How dare you,” she hissed. “How dare you suggest I could ever do something so hideously abhorrent?”
But Vassa was not the only one who was angry. Elain’s hands shook with suppressed rage as she spat back, “You do not deny it, then?”
Vassa regarded her with a disgusted expression. “I deny keeping information from you for selfish, pitiful reasons, yes. But do I deny loving Lucien?” She lifted her chin imperiously. “No, I don’t deny it. Do you deny that you love Azriel?”
It was Elain’s turn to freeze.
“Of course I know,” Vassa said, answering Elain’s unspoken question. “How could I not know? How could anyone not know? The way you look at each other, how you dance around each other, the way you’re always finding excuses to spend time alone together. You are both fools if you think that no one else has noticed.
“Lucien has noticed, too,” Vassa added, and something heavy dropped in Elain’s stomach. “I told you when you came here to make a decision about him, but it seems you’ve instead decided to string two men along at the same time.”
Tears poured out of Elain’s eyes, sudden and unstoppable. She could tell that Vassa regretted her words the second she said them, but it didn’t matter. The damage was done.
“Elain, please,” Vassa begged, backtracking. “No matter my feelings for Lucien, it has never influenced the way I feel about you. You have been such a good friend. A true friend. I will forever be sorry for lying to you, but if I had to do it all again, I would not change a thing. To protect my ancestor’s secrets, to do what I thought was best for the realm…to do what I thought was best for you ,” the last sentence came out in a strangled whisper, and Elain had to look away for a moment, unable to meet Vassa’s piercing blue gaze. “If there is one thing you take away from this conversation, please let it be that I have always wanted what is best for you.”
If there was one thing Elain was going to take from this conversation, it was that she was a sorry fool to have trusted the mortal queen.
“Don’t speak to me again,” Elain said. Then she walked out of the mortal queen’s quarters, not looking back once.
The second she was in the hallway, a rush of panic overwhelmed her. Without even thinking about it, she pressed a shaking palm to the back of her neck.
He was there in an instant, enveloping her in his arms, in his shadows - and seconds later, they were at Rosehall, far away from the mortal manor, far away from the lies and the truths and the horror of it all. Vaguely, she registered that they were inside Rozaliah’s house, though she could not scent the female; she must have been at the market again.
“What happened?” Azriel asked, worry lacing his honey-smooth voice. “What happened, Elain?”
“Not now,” she breathed, and then she was kissing him like she’d never kissed him before, more desperate and urgent and needy than ever.
“Elain,” he managed in between kisses, “we should talk.”
“Not now,” she repeated, louder this time, sharper. She did not need to talk right now, she did not need to think. All she needed, all she wanted, was to feel something besides the debilitating shock and terror that had started to creep through her very veins. So she reached for his shirt and ripped it in two.
The grating sound that came out of Azriel’s throat let her know she’d won. He began tearing at her dress, leaving it in veritable shreds on the wooden floor. And then they were naked, and somehow they found their way to the couch, and then she was on top, riding him with vigor, and they were both moaning loudly and clutching at every piece of skin they could reach, and even though it was rough and hard and dirty, it also felt pure and true. Like this - this wild, raging connection between them, this coupling that threatened to undo her as much as it sewed her weeping heart together again, was all she’d ever need. It felt like the only good, real thing in her life. It felt like making love.
So why did it also feel like goodbye?