Chapter Text
Inside the house, Kenma let his eyes fall on everything. He tends to forget the first time he ever walked into a new place, completely forgetting how it looked until he saw it again, well if he ever saw it again. He remembers school. The first time he’d ever come to look at the school it looked weird and foreign. He didn’t dare tour it or actually become familiar. Once he came back to actually attend the school, it was something new again. His memory and fear surrounding it was much different the second time around. He didn’t want that to happen with Kuroo’s house. It was extremely beautiful. The inside was a bit antique looking, old wooden tables that made squeaks when used, but always proved to be sturdy over time. It was like this place was decorated by an old woman. Kenma really loved it. The navy blue accents made it feel all the more summer-like, a reflection of the ocean, and the stone decorated pool looked inviting and cool as the heat surrounded him.
“Your home. It’s so beautiful. I’ve never been in one like it.”
“Oh, you’re welcome to it anytime. It’s so big and I am always by myself. My friends all work and I have nothing to do but enjoy my own company,” he laughed dryly, “Maybe I should get a pet.” He said this more to himself.
“Why don’t you get something smaller?” Kenma said behind Kuroo as he led him to the backyard. He thought maybe Kuroo didn’t hear him.
Kuroo didn’t answer. He didn’t speak for a couple of minutes as they stood outside staring at the small ripples and movements in the pool water. The flower beds and trees in the backyard swaying with the light breeze, barely bringing any relief to their hot skin. It wasn’t awkward. The silence felt natural.
“How could I give up such an amazing pool!” Kuroo exclaimed suddenly, throwing his hands up and gesturing towards the water, making Kenma jump at the sudden statement after the calm silence. Kuroo turned to him, “Wanna swim now? Are you hungry?”
Kenma smiled. “I’ll go change.”
Kuroo brightened at this. “I’ll show you to the bathroom. Oh, and get you some swim trunks.”
*
It had taken many laps and one long session of showing off handstands and how long you could hold your breath underwater for Kuroo and Kenma to get over the freezing cold temperature of the pool. Even on a hot day, the pool was still so cold, especially with all the tiles. Kuroo had gotten used to, and even excited for the cold water. Besides, the pool heater took so long to even get the pool barely lukewarm. When he needed a good shock to the body, the pool was there for him.
Eventually, their bodies were used to the cold, numb to it really, and a good lap would fix it if they got chilly again. Heaving slightly, water tickling the inside of his nose, Kenma floated on his back. He closed his eyes underneath the sun, warming up his face. He would admit that this was all very nice, he felt comfortable. He didn’t really know where Kuroo would take this, but he didn’t think he would try anything. And of course, Kuroo just really needed to print something. Or so he said. Kenma remembered the piano sheets, he wanted to hear him play.
Before he could ask, Kuroo spoke.
“Do you like to read?”
“What librarian wouldn’t?”
“Well, do librarians like to smoke?”
“Maybe just me. But, I can’t be the only one of my kind.”
Kuroo nodded and then asked, “You know what feels amazing?”
Kenma hummed for him to keep going, interested in Kuroo’s odd chain of questions.
“Floating in the pool, but keeping a book and smokes near. You float and just let the sun warm you up. And then you lay your hands on the floor next to the pool, let them dry a bit. Then you light a smoke, and read your book until your eyes droop,” he sighed at himself. “But sometimes I don’t let myself rest, I get up and jump back into the pool and hold my breath until I can’t breath, until that very last second when your body just can’t take it anymore and you come up gasping for air.”
Kenma stayed silent for a little, was the taller man lonely or was he desperate to feel something or both? “Do you do that a lot?”
Kuroo stopped floating and placed his feet on the bottom of the poo;. The painful truth was that was exactly how he spent all of his time. He would sleep after that. For hours he would nap and wake up drowsy, unable to even lift his head, and falling back asleep until it was midnight and he was in a cold sweat. This is when he liked to jump into the pool again, maybe shower and watch the sunrise after, trying not to think of certain things. He tried to not do this during the school year. “What’s a lot?”
Kenma could tell this seemed to be reaching some kind of sensitive subject. “Do you play piano often? Or are you just learning?”
“Answering a question with a question is quite fun for us. Don’t you think so?” Kenma slapped his palm towards the water, splashing Kuroo.
“I’ll punch you,” Kenma said with a light smile. He started to dramatically punch the air, showing off his very serious skill.
“Woah, I better not mess with you then," Kuroo laughed. "I’ve actually always wanted to fight someone. Just to see how strong I am. I mean, I hope I never have to, plus I can’t just ask my friends to let me beat them up, assuming I am very strong and could beat them up. I wouldn’t choose you though. You’re much smaller than me.”
“I’d get you in your sleep. Your fists and kicks won’t be of any use to you then.”
“Well you’d have to sleepover for that,” Kuroo chuckled. “Or break in?” He said with a fake concerned expression.
“I’ll sleep over if you play the piano for me.”
Without any hesitation, Kuroo replied, “Deal.”
*
It was hard not to stare at Kuroo. Kuroo drying himself off, careful not to push and pull too hard on his swim trunks that hung low on his waist, exposing a v-line. Kuroo ruffling his wet hair, making it look even more perfectly messy. Kuroo giving his arms and biceps a light stretch after all that hard and difficult swimming. The towel covers and exposes biceps and thighs and abs all at the same time creating a new wave of blushing and sweating on Kenma. Kuroo's rose-colored cheek bones, caressed by his endless summer in the sun. Kuroo sitting in front of a piano, his large hands placed in front of him, his fingers stretching across the keys.
And sitting next to Kuroo on the piano was a completely different experience. At first, Kenma was enchanted by the noise. He had never really heard music in person and up close like this. And it wasn’t a rough, ‘I used to play piano in high school’ kind of piano, it was ‘I could hold concerts’ type of piano. It was so loud and beautiful, and not a single mistake or “shit,” out of Kuroo after hitting the wrong keys. It was the most impressive thing Kenma had seen anyone do in a long time. Exhilarated and excited by the sight of Kuroo’s hands working quickly was not what was so amazing about the performance. Sitting right next to Kuroo on the small bench actually gave Kenma the chance to take a look at his face. Kuroo was so focused and passionate on the playing, he was sure he didn’t even notice his eyes on him.
Tiny brown freckles came into view on his nose and cheeks, so light you could only see them up close in the light. Tiny scars in his soft skin. His hair falling into his face, and his brown eyes shining underneath. Eyebrows furrowed, focused on the music. Even just looking at his side profile was making Kenma want to do something impulsive, overtaken by gushing feelings he would cringe about later.
And finally, when his long fingers lifted off, the silence was never so loud as Kuroo turned his head towards Kenma. Kenma snapped his eyes and turned his head away. “That was nothing like anything I’ve ever experienced.” The touch of his wet trunks on Kenma’s thigh sent a shiver up his spine. “You made it seem like you were printing out the pages for a fun new hobby.”
Kuroo hummed, a smile heard in his voice. He waited a minute before saying, “I could always play, I guess now I see it more as a fun hobby, or a fun skill to practice for no real reason. I only know a few songs by heart, I’d like to learn more though. Hence the music sheets.” He sighed, placing his hand over the keys almost like a caress. “I’ll get you set up in your room.”
*
“I’m sorry for taking up so much space. The trunks and the room and all your hospitality is really very sweet,” Kenma assured, towel-drying his now clean hair.
Leaning on the door frame, Kuroo looked tired and actually very happy in a warm and sleepy way. “It’s really nothing. I’m happy to have you here. Usually, I just sleep and drag myself around. Playing host was more than worth it to have your company.”
A pitiful yet grateful look surfaced on Kenma. “I could cook us breakfast tomorrow? I’m really a very bad cook, but for you I would try.”
His face was one of happiness and endearment. “I would love that,” Kuroo replied.
They grinned at each other the best they could for two tired swimmers and sunbathers.
“Well, goodnight Kenma.”
*
Sticky and thick globs of peanut butter and jelly stuck to the roof of Kuroo’s mouth, making his jaw work and his cheeks tingle from the sugary jam. The milk bread turned to mush as he chewed. It was one of his favorite American foods, the salty and sweet peanut butter. It wasn't sold in a lot of places, so he cherished his only jar. Kenma had attempted making them food, but the clouds in their eyes and their groggy voices laughed at the thought of the two of them trying to cook when they were both too sleepy. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches it was. It made Kenma feel disheartened to see Kuroo try to lead him away from his empty cabinets and fridge.
“I make a mean pb&j,” Kuroo bragged.
After their sugary breakfast, the two had an unspoken agreement that neither really wanted to separate or call it a day quite yet. Kuroo had suggested they lay out in the sun, of course, it seemed that was all he really cared about doing in his house. Kenma wanted to explore more but didn’t want to set anything off with his host. Kenma had sat on the ground on his towel, sitting crisscrossed with his journal laid out in front of him so he could write down whatever he wanted. Kenma had shared with Kuroo that he enjoyed journaling his daily experiences and thoughts, and that some of his favorite book characters did this exact thing, although they carried much more complex and gruesome lives. Kuroo sat much further away, legs swinging in the water. A book sat in his lap, the breeze lightly moving the pages he thumbed open and he tried a bit unsuccessfully, due to the wind, to smoke a cigarette. The ashes flew off the butt, but he kept it anyway. His eyes lingered on Kenma writing away in his notebook.
“Why did you start journaling?”
Finishing whatever he was writing down, Kenma looked up, “My therapist suggested it. It helps me organize my thoughts and feelings. I really enjoy it. I always keep it with me so I can just write whenever.”
Kuroo nodded and let his eyes fall back to his book to read another page. But he couldn’t help himself, “Are you writing about me?”
“Of course you would ask that.”
He chuckled and put out his finished cigarette.
“Well..” Kuroo hoped he wasn’t pushing even though he knew he was.
Kenma sighed and shut his notebook. “I wrote about you when I first met you. But I only started journaling a while after that.”
Kuroo thought about how he was probably one of Kenma’s first entries, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Eyes squinting because of the sun, the black-haired man tried reading Kenma’s face. “I wonder…did I actually help you?” He paused. “By giving you the ride, I mean. I was really worried, and at the time just felt a strong pull to help you. I don’t know. I feel like I would have wanted the same…and I’m really glad I did go up to you. It was just…something big for me I guess.” His voice faltered at the thought of losing someone he loved, again he mentally added. Not that he loved Kenma, just losing a loved one caused him pain. He really easily choked up at these thoughts, tears threatening to spill if he lingered on them. He really wanted another smoke.
Kenma nodded along with the talking, contemplating his next words afterward. The corners of his mouth lifted. “You know,” he giggled quietly. “I was so jealous of you. Whenever I was in some shitty situation—which I guess was a majority of my college career—I would watch people walking around campus or in restaurants and think about how I wished I was any person who walked past me. Especially people who looked happy or were with a friend. I just remember thinking about how badly I wanted to switch lives with them.” He stopped, staring at the water for a minute. “When I saw you just riding your bike like a fucking athlete, skin glowing and asking me if I was okay and needed any help, I just wanted to be you in that moment. Plus I probably looked pathetic. I mean it was a very pathetic situation.”
Kuroo quickly spoke up to counter that, “Of course not! I never think anyone is pathetic for displaying emotions. No emotion is bad either. We all have those moments, plus I was happy to help you. No pity at all just—simply wanting to make sure you weren’t going to stumble into the road after missing your bus.”
Kenma let his smile grow a little wider. “Kuro. It was very helpful. I couldn’t even see since my eyes were swollen and filled with tears. I’m glad you were the one to help me and not some weirdo.”
The curiosity was burning within Kuroo. He was still dying to know what had even caused the crying, but it seemed to be the one thing Kenma avoided about their first encounter. “I’m glad I was there too. I’m surprised we didn’t meet sooner, but the school is quite big I guess,” He thought about how he would bike everywhere. “Oh God, I probably looked so dumb in my bike wear.” Kenma probably thought he was fishing for more compliments. The sad thing was that Kuroo knew he looked better then, and now he wasn’t as summer-ready. Sure he looked fine, but he missed when he had the drive to work out. “I was super into working out and looking good all the time, it was dumb.” Maybe he should take that up again. His mother’s house was pretty far away from town, so the bike wasn’t too useful anymore. Exercising seems so painful and exhausting now. Even after sleeping all day sometimes, he wanted only to sleep more.
Kenma’s face went a bit red with anger. “Oh fuck off I just whined about how I wanted to be you. And—not only be you—but to fuck you too! Besides, you still look great. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
Kuroo blushed, he knew just what he was doing. He knew he looked good, but of course everyone feels insecure sometimes. Then, he chuckled and stood up. Kenma’s eyes followed his movements and of course his body. His face kept its red color, probably because he realized what he had said, and that he was now gawking. “I guess I do look pretty great,” Kuroo said thoughtlessly, like it wasn’t all part of his plan. He flexed and stretched, making sure to flex his abs (of course).
Kenma slapped his hands onto his face and groaned. “I can’t stand you!” His scream was muffled by his hands, and fell back onto his towel.
“I hope I didn’t just kill my most precious guest.”
“You almost did,” Kenma snapped back. He peeked his head up, checking to see if the older man was still trying to stretch in front of him. He wasn’t luckily, he was back on the ground slouching and swinging his legs in the water, book discarded next to him.
“I think I’ll have to go soon,” Kenma noted.
Kuroo looked over at him and frowned. “Did that make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry I was just messing with you.”
Kenma quickly shook his head. “No no, please don’t think that. Plus your spells have no effect on me, I just have to work early tomorrow.”
“Gosh, I’ll have to give up on you then. Too much work,” He complained sarcastically. “I’ll get you some more clothes.”
*
Kenma was leaving with many items from Kuroo’s closet, and Kuro was being left with some extra laundry to do. He didn’t mind at all and felt a little hollow walking his friend out. Hollow because he knew he would feel a loss once he wasn’t in Kuro’s presence, but hollow because there was still a large part of him begging him not to fall for the lies of another man. Kenma knew how men were, sure he was a man himself but he didn’t align with the same urges of egotistical and hypermasculine men. Men who were a danger to others and even themselves. He felt a tugging at his heart, it was painful for him to think of Kuro this way. Because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he actually might like this guy. But his brain never failed to let him know that every man was the same. Every man took what they wanted and didn’t care to assess the damage it caused. They were greedy and oppressive. Maybe even evil.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk with you to the bus? It can get pretty tricky knowing which stop is for the station,” Kuroo sarcastically warned.
“You’re being crazy,” He sighed. “I’ll be fine.” Chills shot through his back at the sight before him. He had walked out the front door (in his very baggy Kuroo clothing), a small step right in front of the door making him much shorter than he already was when he turned around to see Kuroo leaning on the door frame with his forearm reaching above his head against the frame to hold him in place. He could definitely pass out at the sight of him leaning so nonchalant in his swim trunks that (of course) hung low.
Kuroo smiled down at him fondly. “Can I call you later?”
This seduction tactic was definitely working now. “Cut it off, I’ll be too weak in the knees to walk myself to the bus stop.”
Kuroo smirked, his teeth showing off so beautifully. “Sorry, I’ll stop. And I’ll call you since you didn’t answer my question.”
“You can call me, it’s fine.”
“Okay,” he said with a small but very noticeable lip bite. If Kenma had stayed any longer…
Kenma attempted smiling, knowing he wanted to break out into a grin, but he kept his smile small. His heart was swollen and he leaned into the feeling. Maybe Kuro was different. He definitely seemed this way. Not very many people stop to help strangers. Or maybe this was a bad sign. He wasn’t sure. But he loved the feeling of being around Kuro, and Kenma’s need for validation and love was telling him to go for it. Maybe he just missed the feeling of being obsessed over and love bombed. Allow Kenma was fearful, his need to be wanted overtook his logic. He said his goodbye, and finally he left.