Chapter Text
8:25. 8:26.
Tubbo’s hands tapped nervously against the side of his phone. School started in 4, now 3, minutes and Ranboo was yet to show up.
What if he was sick? What if he’s hurt himself somehow? What if he’s had another of his memory loss episodes? What if-
“Tubbo?”
“Shit!” Tubbo screams. He feels like he nearly gets whiplash from how quick he turns around to see Ranboo standing with a smile of guilt - as he should. “You scared the shit out of me, you prick!”
“Well, I definitely don’t want to do that, that’s gross.” Ranboo laughs. He steps forward, closer to Tubbo.
Tubbo huffs, and gives Ranboo a harsh shove. “Shut up.” He mumbles, but Ranboo only laughs more. Tubbo hates the cheesy thought of not being able to be mad at him.
“You sure you’re okay though?”
“Yes,” Tubbo huffs, “I was just worried about you since you’re late. I told you to be here by 10 past!”
“Sorry, sorry,” Ranboo apologises, and flicks his hair out of his eyes, “Dream wanted to walk me to school. Said he wanted to do it one last time. And he wanted to go to Denny’s, which was a bit weird, but eh.”
“Well, next time tell him you’re meeting up with someone important so he doesn’t take up too much of your time.”
Tubbo’s breath hitches, and Ranboo stares at him quietly. All Tubbo can do is stare back. If he does anything else he’s worried he’ll give himself away.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Are you stressing out about what we are going to do today?” Ranboo asks, and of course, he already knows what Tubbo is thinking. “We don’t have to go through with it, you know.”
“No, no, I want to.” Tubbo quickly jumps to stop Ranboo from even thinking Tubbo won’t go through with their plan. They’ve been planning for too long for him to just turn around and say he’s too scared to do it.
Ranboo nods, but from the look on his face he isn’t fully certain.
“It’s the last day of school, and I want to finally be able to come out to everyone. With you. Okay?” Tubbo’s hand finds Ranboo, holding it tightly, “We’re going to do this.”
Tubbo couldn’t not go through with this. After all the crying and the yelling and being in the closet, all the hate he kept locked within himself that he couldn't tell anyone about because the thought of someone made his chest tight and his heart beat erratically.
After all the ways he hurt Ranboo.
Tubbo had been the one to bring it up. They were back in Ranboos room, a week after they had gotten back together, wrapped within each others arms on Ranboo’s bed. It had been silent before Tubbo said the words, though the storm of thinking within his head made it all loud for him. He wanted the thoughts to go away, and he honestly agreed with a lot of them.
They were back to hiding again, and Tubbo… Tubbo didn’t want to hide anymore.
So, he asked if Ranboo wanted to come out to everyone. It was out of the blue, and Ranboo had been shocked into silence. Then Ranboo was grinning and hugging him and excitedly yelling about how he would love to. Then he was looking at him all concerned, questioning where this came from and whether he actually wanted to, because he doesn’t want to be forcing Tubbo into something again.
(Tubbo can’t lie and say that the last part didn’t make his stomach swarm with butterflies. Ranboo caring about how he’s feeling always makes that happen.)
It took Tubbo a while to reassure Ranboo that this is what he wants, and it even took a while for him to mentally prepare himself for it as well. He’d spend days hyping himself up, only to fall back down into a crumpled pile of anxiety in Ranboo’s arms. Eventually, it came to a point Tubbo was worried they would never come out. So, Tubbo did the most logical thing to do.
Force himself.
Now, that may sound unhealthy, but it’s the only way he can think of. Whenever he tries to think about it before it happens, he freaks out. He doesn’t want that. So, maybe if he doesn’t think about it and just pushes - more like shoves - himself out of his comfort zone, then it will happen.
That’s the plan, anyway.
*
Don’t blame Tubbo, but he may have chickened out of the plan at the beginning of the day.
Originally, Tubbo and Ranboo were gonna walk into the school, hands interlocked and pressed into each other’s sides like stereotypical lovers. They needed to make it as obvious as possible.
That wasn’t exactly what ended up happening though.
The bell had rung, and Tubbo had peaked around the corner to see children flooding into the school like a terrifying tsunami. Like any sane person who sees a tsunami, he was quick to flee away from it, and quickly pushed Ranboo to go into the school first, and that he’d follow after.
Just seeing the crowd of people had scared him away, completely forgetting the plan and backtracking to their usual routine. He later text Ranboo a quick apology, and that he would do it at lunch.
He’s currently in the class before lunch.
“Are you okay?” Purpled asks from beside him. He’s leaning forward in his chair, hands tucked into the pocket of his purple hoodie that Tubbo sees him wear everyday.
“Uh, yeah.” Tubbo looks at him confused. He doesn’t know why Purpled would be asking this. “Why?”
“I don’t know, you just look really pale, dude.” He shrugs, “It’s kinda concerning.”
“Oh.”
Tubbo reaches up a hand to touch his face, as if he could feel the lack of pigment on his skin. His cheeks feel cold yet warm at the same time, and he clenched his fist to feel the sweat building upon his palms.
“Do you know how long until the end of class?” Tubbo asks, beginning to tug at the drawstring of his hoodie.
“Oh, uh,” Purpled pulls out his phone, the teacher giving barely a glance from his spot lounging at the desk, switching it on to reveal some weird purple lightning background. “12:36.”
4 minutes until lunch. Great.
Tubbo groans, leaning back in his chair and pressing his hands into the face, trying to bury the on-growing panic in his chest deep down until it’s sitting at the very bottom of his stomach.
4 more minutes until Tubbo has to meet up with Ranboo outside his locker. 4 more minutes until Tubbo and Ranboo walk hand in hand through the school halls. 4 more minutes until Tubbo is finally himself.
He’s terrified.
There’s a weight in his pocket. His phone. Tubbo could take it out right now and message Ranboo; could tell him that he doesn’t want to go through with the plan and wait until after the summer holidays, when he’s more ready. A ready that might never come.
Though, if he does that, nothing will change. Tubbo will still be seen as straight. Ranboo will still be seen as his friend. Ranboo and Tubbo will continue to love each other only within the cover of darkness and shadows.
“Why are you all worried? Is something meant to be happening?” Purpled asks, sitting up in his chair like this conversation is entertaining to him. It probably is, as the room is filled with boring and mindless chatter of kids who are just waiting for the day to end.
Tubbo considers answering honestly. Perhaps telling someone - a mostly stranger - before outing himself to the whole of the school would make it easier. It could help with the initial fear if he tries telling this one person beforehand; get a feel for what it would be like in a small dosage.
In the end, Tubbo shrugs, “Eh, it’s nothing, bossman.”
“If you say so, dude,” Purpled sighs, tilting his head to the side, “Not gonna lie, you look like you’re going to pass out, though.”
Tubbo knows. He feels like he’s going to pass out. “Nah, I’ll be fine.”
They fall into silence. It’s uncomfy, much too quiet for Tubbo’s liking, and crawls up Tubbo’s spine like spiders. He feels like he should say something, maybe explain himself in some detail instead of leaving Purpled to wonder about any other weird or crazy things that could be wrong with him.
“I have to do this thing with someone. It’s kinda terrifying, but I know I have to do it.” Tubbo mutters, pulling at his drawstring, twirling the fraying string between his fingers, “I don’t want to keep running away from it.”
“Then don’t, dude.” Purpled says, and it’s almost laughable how easy he thinks it is, but Tubbo let’s him continue, “Why wouldn’t you do it if you know it’s something you have to do?”
“I guess so,” Tubbo muses, “yeah, but, things could go very bad. Like, ‘the end of the world’ bad for me if it goes wrong.”
“Then just talk to the person you’re doing it with or something, I don’t know.” Purpled shrugs.
Tubbo hums. It’s not a terrible idea. Ranboo would probably help to calm down his nerves anyway.
The bell rings. It’s piercing, and cuts through Tubbo. He feels like hunching over and crawling into a ball at the sound, but nobody else is affected so he shouldn’t be either. (And if he did do that people would think of him as more weird than he’s probably already seen as).
The halls are busy, kids pushing and shoving and running, yelling and laughing. It’s not hard to spot Ranboo over the chaos, a black and white mess of hair looming over all the other children.
Tubbo takes a deep breath. I can do this.
“Hey.” Tubbo says, and he hopes his face doesn’t show the curdling feeling in his stomach.
“Hey!” Ranboo grins, lighting up at the mere sight of Tubbo when he turns around from his opened locker, though it’s etched with concern, “You okay?”
“Yeah, just… it’s a little…” His voice wanders off, and Tubbo doesn’t have the effort to try and follow wherever it’s going, so he just stops talking.
“It’s okay, you can talk to me.” Ranboo mutters, voice ever so soft and kind, and a fuzzy feeling builds in Tubbo’s chest.
“I’m… kinda scared?” Tubbo sighs, leaning against the lockers, ignoring the locks that dig into his side. His eyes scan his passing peers, feeling a shiver roll down his spine, “What if people aren’t as accepting?”
“I know it’s scary,” Ranboo says. Tubbo can see the way his hand twitches, and looks around at the obnoxiously loud children filing towards the lunch room. “But we can do this. I know how important it is to you, and I hate pushing you to do things, but you can do this Tubbo. Even if people at this school for some reason hate you, I and your friends and family will all still be here for you.”
“I hope so…” Tubbo mumbles, arms crossing tightly over his chest. Ranboos little speech makes his skin tingle comfortably, but he can’t stop the aching of his chest.
“Are you really doubting me?” Ranboo raises an eyebrow. He turns to his locker, shutting it softly and locking it, “When have I ever been wrong?”
“Uh, all the time.”
“I disagree.”
“I disagree with that.”
They both laugh, and Tubbo feels his shoulders fall with relaxation. He’s not surprised that talking to Ranboo calmed his nerves - Ranboo always seems to have a calming effect on him.
“We can do this, okay?”
Tubbo smiles. It’s tense and wavers at the corners of his lips, but it’s genuine. “Yeah. Yeah, okay, we can do this. Totally easy.”
Ranboo smiles back.
The talk with Purpled was surprisingly helpful, and Tubbo is now realising how strangers seem to give him the push he needs when he needs it. He’ll have to thank Purpled later.
The hall is empty when Tubbo turns around towards the doors that lead to the lunch room. Just down the hall, a couple steps away, an ominous presence. It makes him want to run away, hearing the thunderous noises behind it.
But he doesn’t.
A hand slips into his own, like a grounding pressure that keeps him from rooted to the moment. It sends electricity shooting through his body, from his fingertips up his arm to his feet, and he’s walking forward towards the door before he can even stop to think about it.
He doesn’t want to think about it, honestly. He wants to get it over with and not obsess over all the things that could go wrong. He wants to finally be able to hold his boyfriend's hands whenever he wants, and tease him for being so cheesy, and let Ranboo wrap his arms around him in a comforting hug.
He can get all of this with one thing.
The doors creak open silently, and Tubbo is hit with a wave of loud chattering. The hand in his squeezes tightly, and he reciprocates. They both step forward, and Tubbo watches as one by one students turn their heads. Eyes are burning through them, pinpointing them, their hands, their closeness.
Ranboo’a hand is shaking, and Tubbo only then remembers Ranboo hates being watched. Tubbo wishes he could make everyone look away, but there’s nothing he can do to stop their gazes from following them as Tubbo tugs Ranboo towards their table. Though, with one look at Ranboo, Tubbo can tell he doesn’t want them to look away. That pride and happiness that shines through the fear proves it all.
Ranboo wants people to see them this way, and Tubbo relates. It was intimidating, and still is, but he’s riding on a high of attention and happiness that he’s finally allowed to embrace that he doesn’t care about the terrifying, judgemental stares.
“What? Tubbo and-“ Tommy yells suddenly, hands slamming on the table as he stands up with wide eyes and his jaw dropped open, “When did this happen?! Wasn’t I told?!”
From the look on Tommy’s face, it all red and scrunched up in confusion and offense, Tubbo can’t help the bubble of laughter that leaves his mouth. Ranboo soon follows him in little chuckles, and they slide into the seats in front of Jack and Tommy.
“Tubbo, my man, I thought you were with some other guy? What happened to him?” Tommy’s voice is loud and booming in the still mostly quiet room. Tommy seems unbothered but this, along with the eyes that watch them.
“This is the guy I was on about.” Tubbo shrugs, and lifts their intertwined hands that rest between them on the table as if it’s an example of how long they’ve been together.
Tommy splutters in shock at this, comically wide eyes bouncing to each of them, “You’re with Ranboo?! But- what- why him? This guy had a full on fucking go at me for no reason!”
“You did what?” The tables are turned to Ranboo now, who nervously stares down at the table.
“I might have blamed Tommy for why you ran away. I thought maybe something had happened and they had done something to you, so I got angry and took it out on Tommy.” Ranboo admits, and quickly looks up to Tommy, “I am very sorry for that, I was just worried for Tubbo.”
An apprehensive expression passes over Tommy’s face, and Ranboo is tense as he waits for Tommy’s forgiveness. Eventually, Tommy sighs, “Fine, I guess it was for Tubbo. I’d probably do the same, anyways.”
“Wow, big man, I didn’t know you would yell at someone for me,” Tubbo raises an eyebrow at Ranboo with a smirk, bumping his shoulder against the others. Ranboos cheeks glow a light pink, and Tubbo laughs again.
“Okay, hang on, I am very confused right now.”
Oh, right. Tubbo forgot Jack was there, and had no clue that Tubbo was even gay before any of this way revealed.
“I mean, I am totally supportive of you being gay, Tubbo. I just have no idea about any of the other stuff you mentioned.” Jack says, and Tubbo and Ranboo lock eyes.
“Oh, this is gonna take quite a bit of explaining, huh?” Ranboos lip quirks in a smile.
Tubbo can’t help but smile back, letting out a dramatic huff at the thought of having to go through the timeline of events, “Yeah. You start though.”
Ranboo chuckles, and nods.
“Well, it started back in summer school, and as soon as Tubbo walked through the classroom doors and sat next to me I was entranced…”
As Ranboo explains the story, Tubbo can’t help but watch his lips move, and the small light in his eyes as he retells their love story. Tommy laughs at Ranboo’s cheesy explanations, and Jack is firing questions.
6 months ago, Tubbo never would have thought he’d be coming out to the whole school with his boyfriend. The concept would have shook him to his core and filled him with a horrible sense of dread and fear. He would tell himself it’s better to stay hidden than to let anyone know.
But now, with his friend, his brother, and Ranboo, sat at a table surrounded by the people he once feared, he doesn’t feel the sense of dread. All he can care about is the way Ranboo’s hand feels wrapped around his own, and the happiness swelling within his chest.
It might not be as big as others expect it to be. It’s not the shocking coming out that Sapnap, Quackity and Karl came up with. But to Tubbo, this was a massive step for him.
A step that will change his future. A step that helps him grow as a person. A step that helps him say ‘fuck you dad’ because everything his dad told him was wrong, and he can be what he wants to be.
Eyes still watch them, but Tubbo doesn’t care. People will still ask questions and start rumours, but Tubbo doesn’t care. He has everything he needs right here.
Tubbo doesn’t have to hide anymore.