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I’d Stay If I Could (But The Universe Won’t Let Me)

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So please be good

And don’t you forget me

 

“It’ll be okay, you know.”

Loki sighed softly, leaned slightly closer to Mobius as he stood on the hill that overlooked the sea. He remembered a moment in time, a moment he never had the chance to experience but was able to watch in the replay of his life. Him, at Odin’s right. Thor, at Odin’s left. “This could be Asgard.” And now it was. Thor had found a way to give Odin his dying wish, to remember this place and to bring their people there after Ragnarok. And while Loki wanted to be bitter, still wanted to hate Odin for lying to him and deceiving him all his life, he knew that he couldn’t. He could never hate the man who gave him a chance, especially knowing now that it was actually Kang who was responsible. In another timeline, another universe, Odin loved him equally to Thor. 

“I know,” he whispered, watching as Thor spoke with the Valkyrie. Brunnhilde, she told him, was her name, though Thor and many of the others seemed content referring to her as “Val.” He had, at first, thought that she and his brother might have some unspoken connection between them, but when he had asked Thor the elder brother had doubled over in laughter, shaking his head. He loved her only as a friend, and she loved him the same, it seemed. “It just… hurts. Just a bit.”

“Just a bit?” There was a teasing tone to Mobius’ voice, but his words were still soft as he nudged Loki with his elbow. “Go on. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay, okay.” Loki huffed out a breath of annoyance, but he was secretly grateful when Mobius insisted he went to speak to his brother alone. He watched in silence as Brunnhilde gave Thor a hug, punched his arm, and then started over the hill. She nodded to him, but said nothing. “So…”

“So,” Thor responded, turning to face Loki as the younger moved closer, scratching at the palm of his hand nervously. “Have you made a decision?”

“I have,” Loki said quietly, lowering his head. Thor had made him an offer once, in between battles with Evil Variants. That Loki could come with him and his new friends. He could travel through space with them, if he wished to. He had told many stories of the trouble the team got into. How he had many times wished Loki were with them, knowing he would enjoy their schemes. At first it sounded like a life that he might actually enjoy. Mobius had agreed, too, that he thought Loki would like traveling with them. Except… There was something sad in Mobius’ eyes when Loki talked of leaving. A longing, maybe. Like he didn’t want Loki to go. That had been enough to give him second thoughts.

Loki didn’t want to disappoint Thor. His brother had just been so happy to see him. So unlike the way he had been in New York. There was no anger, just heartbreaking grief. Because he knew that the Loki of this timeline was dead. Thor had watched him die. He had been forced to watch, restrained by Ebony Maw. There was absolutely nothing he could do to save him, and it had broken him. But… “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Loki forced himself to look up at Thor, to meet his eyes. “I can’t go with you,” he breathed. “I can’t… I love you, Thor, I do, but—”

“But you love him too,” Thor said softly, catching Loki off-guard. 

Loki’s first instinct was to protest. He wanted to yell at Thor for even insinuating that Loki would fall for a Midgardian man. He wanted to spit curses at him, to deflect. Because love, outside the familial love that he had always known, was a weakness. He had told Thor so, on the Bifrost. When Thor had been so obviously fond of the Midgardian scientist whom Loki had only seen through the Destroyer’s lenses. She was a beautiful woman, truly, though Loki never could understand how Thor had fallen for her over Sif. 

“I do,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Thor shook his head, raising a hand and cupping Loki’s neck in that way he always did. Loki leaned into his touch, closing his eyes as his brother spoke so gently to him. “It’s okay, Loki. You have no need to apologize.”

“I’ve left you so many times…” Loki didn’t register he was crying until Thor stepped forward and swiped a thumb until his left eye before pulling him into a tight hug. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Shh…” Thor pressed a kiss to the crown of his head before holding him tighter. “I could never hate you, Loki. Never.”

 

And although I’ll be out of sight, dear

Know I’ll be right here

Right here forever, ever, ever, ever

 

Loki clung to the back of Thor’s coat, desperately holding onto the soft fabric that was so Midgardian yet still so Asgardian that it reminded him of home. Thor reminded him of home. The home he had hated for so long. The home that he left behind. The home he betrayed. The home that he only realized now, away from the grips of the so-called “Sacred Timeline,” he dearly missed. He so desperately wished he could go back, knowing what he knew now, and start over. But that wasn’t possible, and he had something, someone here who he knew he would miss even more than his homeland. 

“I guess this is goodbye,” Loki whispered after a few moments. “Isn’t it?”

“I suppose,” Thor murmured in return. He stayed there for several long moments, just holding Loki close to his chest. Loki knew that he didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to say goodbye, but he hoped it would be easier this time. Because this time Loki was letting go of the Bifrost or being speared by a sword or being strangled by a Mad Titan. He was simply… parting ways. Like they had spoken of on Sakaar in the recordings that Loki had studied. 

“I’m so sorry, Brother,” Loki told him. “For all the trouble I’ve caused. All the hurt.”

“And I, the same.” Thor pulled away then, but kept a hand clasped on Loki’s shoulder as he spoke. “I… I’ve always thought the world of you, Loki. I am sorry that I made you feel less. That I wasn’t there for you whenever you needed me. I have wronged you many times before, yet never had the chance to apologize before you…” 

“I know,” Loki assured him, smiling softly. “And I still love you more than anyone else ever will. Thank you for always giving me another chance, even when I don’t deserve it.”

Thor smiled in return, carefully rubbing his hand down Loki’s arm before letting go. “If you are ever to need me again, you know where to find me. Or… if you simply change your mind.”

“Of course,” Loki replied, though he was sure they both knew that he wouldn’t be changing his mind. That this would likely be the last time they ever saw each other. “And if you ever need me, well… I’m sure that you can find a way to reach me. You always were stubbornly persistent.”

Thor chuckled at that, pulling Loki in for another quick hug before taking a few steps back. “Goodbye, Brother. Promise you won’t forget me.”

“I promise,” Loki assured him. “Goodbye, Thor.”

Thor smiled, bent down to pick up Stormbreaker, and turned to make his way to the Benatar. Loki watched him go, his smile faltering only slightly as his brother disappeared into the ship and started to fly away into the darkness of the cool night. The world around him was silent except for the waves crashing far below and a set of footsteps coming up behind him. “You stayed.”

“I did.” Loki turned until he was facing Mobius, letting his smile grow once more. He hadn’t told Mobius yet that he planned to stay, not wanting to get his hopes up in case he didn’t have the heart to tell Thor no. He couldn’t betray the man. Not again. “I… hope you’re not too disappointed.”

“Never,” Mobius told him, smiling up at him. “I was kinda hoping you would stay, actually. Selfish, I know. Just… I’m not really sure where I would go on my own. I can’t go back ho— mm.”

Mobius closed his eyes against the kiss, reaching forward to hold Loki’s cheeks even as the taller man pulled away. Both of them were blushing furiously now from the words left unspoken between them. “I don’t care all that much where we go,” Loki said after a moment of quiet. “So long as I’m with you, I’ll be okay.”

“Well, we have all the time in the world to decide,” Mobius reminded him. He pulled away just enough to tilt his head back, looking up at the stars that were beginning to pop out against the black. “For now? I’m right where I wanna be.”

 

And when you look to the night skies

Don’t think of goodbyes

Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever