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Samehada is annoyed.
Really annoyed.
When Kisame offered himself, they picked him for a reason.
He's calm, sensible, even tempered - especially for an alpha - and he was willing to give up his whole life to them. To turn him away just because of his secondary gender would have been an utter waste.
And their decision has proven to be wise many times over. He's a good wielder, one of the best they've ever had, and he's respected their choices in all things.
It's only fair for them to do the same.
At the same time, it's agonisingly painful watching as Kisame pines away for the man that he loves. Their bearer won't approach at all, not even to offer a formal gesture of courtship! Well, not unless they’re fused and his instincts take over, anyway.
Samehada's been around for a long time, and they knows how these things go. Kisame isn't their first wielder, not even their tenth, and to see their bearer denying himself over something as stupid as his beloved's gender is driving them crazy.
They've had this discussion with Kisame more times than they can count. They've encouraged him, and yelled at him, and told him that Zabuza's gender makes no difference. Alpha only relationships are rare, true, but they're not unheard of. Samehada's encountered them before, though admittedly mostly as meals.
But Kisame's been immovable.
He won't budge on this, and Samehada won't disrespect him by acting of their own accord.
However, from the way Zabuza is approaching, they doesn't think that they will need to.
Zabuza places a finger, his smallest interestingly, on Samehada's hilt and speaks aloud. "Samehada? I think we might need to talk about Kisame."
"You bet your ass we do!" Samehada yells back, and Zabuza twitches as he finally hears them. "Kisame has been eating his heart over you! You couldn't have figured this out earlier?!"
"It wasn't happening that often!" Zabuza defends himself. "And he only does it when he's fused with you! I thought you might... um..."
"Ha! We’re not the one who wants to mate you, kid." Samehada scoffs, but they're deeply amused and Zabuza can almost certainly feel it by the way his chakra goes mildly outraged. "And you're both kids to us and Kubikiribōchō, so don't bother arguing. Kisame only tries to take care of you when he's fused with us because that's when he's closest to his instincts. It's not us. It's him."
"Are you sure? I mean, I'm not offended or anything. I know he doesn't think of me as an omega, he's said it often enough." Zabuza feels embarrassed but interested, and Samehada knows that they've got him. "I just... it's not normal, you know?"
Samehada growls and Zabuza flinches, so they make a deliberate effort to soften their tone when they speak again. "There's no such thing as normal. Sure there's stuff that's more common, but you two are swordsmen. You carry a legacy that's longer than you are tall, and two blades that eat humans. The two of us wouldn't have chosen you if you were 'normal'. Normal can't hold us. Would you really choose it?"
Zabuza is silent, obviously thinking it over by the way his chakra swirls quietly around him. "No, you're right," his voice is firm but it holds a note of surprise. "I wouldn't."
"Well then." If Samehada could shrug, they would, but they don't actually have shoulders. "Go get your man. And, for our sake, try not to have sex when we’re fused with him. You're cute, but we’re not really into humans for sex."
Zabuza laughs out loud. "No, you're into humans for food.”
But then he grows solemn. "Thank you, Samehada. I'm grateful for this conversation. Would you like a taste of my chakra?"
Oh, that's a tempting offer, and it pains Samehada to refuse it, but they do it anyway. They want this resolved more, and taking a bite of their bearer's mate would be the height of impoliteness. "Thanks but no thanks, kid. You'll need all of your resources to deal with Kisame."
Zabuza lifts his hand away from them and strides off, determination in his chakra.
Hopefully, this will fix things.
And, if it doesn't, they can always yell at Kisame some more.