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Theo's sitting in his car alone, the engine turned off and all the doors and windows shut. He's blocking out the commotion outside. Everyone that was inside the hospital is splitting up, figuring out where they should go and who with. Theo knows he isn't included in any of the conversations, besides he can't bring himself to care.
All Theo can focus on is his arm. The one that had held that hunter boy - Gabe - as he died. The one that had black veins jutting out of it only a few minutes ago, the dark liquid crawling up his bloodstream venomously.
Theo had taken the boy's pain away.
Theo.
The big, bad, chimera of death. The villain who is - was, he wants to correct -so evil, he's one of the only ones that's actually been punished for his attempts to dismantle the McCall pack. The one who was sent to hell.
Theo, the one who less than two days ago, was told he didn't care enough, and that's why he couldn't take pain.
He inhales sharply. His claws are out and the tracing of his veins has gone from light and melodic to a sharp drag against his skin. He shudders. Digs his claw in a little more, not enough to break skin but enough to feel it, make it feel like it did in the hospital. Make it hurt.
Theo never thought pain could feel so good.
He doesn't stop his tracing, even as his mind starts to wander, wondering where he's going to go tonight. He sees everyone else getting into different cars, each going to different places. Monroe might have lost, but that doesn't mean the war is over.
He looks for Liam, almost desperately, his claw pricking into the curve of his wrist as he drags it down his forearm. He doesn't see him. He doesn't even know why he's searching him out, but it's uncontrollable, it's instinct. Theo is always looking at Liam. His skin breaks, a bead of blood seeping out slowly. It reminds Theo of the sight of Gabe, chest covered in bullet holes and blood, the red trickling down from his mouth.
It reminds him of all the blood he has spilled. Reminds him of his sister. Of hell.
Theo clenches his teeth. He can never feel satisfied with himself, his mind always flashing back to all the bad he's done. The manipulation. The killing. The attempts at greatness that fell through because he doesn't deserve them.
Theo's claw digs into his wrist a little harder.
Theo doesn't deserve this content feeling. He doesn't deserve to feel… happy… over taking pain away from someone suffering. He doesn't deserve to feel happy at all. Theo only deserves his own pain, his own haunted conscience full of nightmares. Full of memories.
Theo will never have someone's veins turn black for him. And he thinks that it's the least of what he deserves.
A thud from the passenger side of his truck startles him out of his stupor. He looks to the door, heart thudding in his chest. He feels much too human, much too vulnerable, since helping Gabe. Before, Theo's senses were hypersensitive, he had been tortured and trained to be aware of everything, every chemosignal, every heartbeat, every sound. Now, someone has managed to sneak up on him, startle him.
The face registers in Theo's head despite the darkness. Theo's sure he would recognize that face no matter the circumstances.
It's Liam.
His fist is raised to tap on the window again, as if Theo isn't looking directly at him. They stare at one another, neither one making the first move, neither one breaking eye contact. One beat. Two. Theo's heart goes back to it's normal tempo. As if he is listening in, for once using his enhanced senses, Liam knocks on the window slowly, knowing he won't scare Theo again.
Theo hesitates. His hand hovers over the unlock button in contemplation. He wants to be left alone, thought he would be left alone. But it's Liam and no matter how hard Theo tries to resist him, he never can. Theo likes to play ignorant, pretend that since coming back from hell, Liam doesn't have some sort of chain wrapped around him, like a leash. Always pulling Theo along, making him his responsibility. But no matter how hard he tries to deny it, Liam is… someone, for him.
So he presses the unlock button.
Liam opens the door and climbs into Theo's truck as if he's done it a thousand times before - Theo brushes off the wish of that quickly. He shuts the door behind him. Theo doesn't expect any less from him, coming in, taking a spot, leaving no room for argument, it's like he did to Theo's life. It's still silent. His wrist is still bleeding, a small stream of the blood pooling in his lap where it rests. It seems Liam notices, he frowns at it in confusion, pauses when his eyes adjust to what they're seeing.
"Theo…" the sound is whispered, but deep, wary from using it all day. All week.
Theo curls his left hand over the wound. Begs his healing to work a little faster. "It's nothing. You shocked me." He can't look at Liam, especially as his heart stutters. Just the slightest bit, but it's enough for him to know, enough for him to look at Theo in pity.
"Tonight," he begins, head tilting towards Theo to try and make eye contact, "what you did, Theo, was amazing." His heart doesn't skip. It doesn't stutter. It keeps beating.
Theo's grip on his wrist tightens. He coughs, clears his throat, but it still croaks as he speaks, "It was just a fluke."
Liam shakes his head. "No, no, that was not a fluke." In a split, blink and you'll miss it, second, Liam reaches over and holds onto Theo's arm. Tight. It's like a lifeline, grounding him, forcing him to listen to the next words out of Liam's mouth. "You took his pain away because you cared, Theo. You didn't want him to suffer. Do you see how much has changed?"
Theo opens his mouth; wants to deny it. But he can't think of anything, he can't think of an excuse.
Liam's hand loosens, leaving white marks in the shape of his fingerprints along his skin, like a branding. Theo's chest aches at the sight, mouth going dry looking down at the white wrapped around his tan skin and what it could represent. Instead of pulling his hand away, Liam begins to do what Theo had done earlier. He traces his veins, from wrist to elbow, up onto his bicep, underneath his shirt.
Theo's skin goes aflame. It burns. Each drag of Liam's calloused fingers tracing the blue lines so gently it makes his whole body prickle. He goes up and down, retracing the same line twice before moving onto another one next to it. Theo can't speak, he can't think. He can only watch as Liam slowly drags his finger along his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
"This was not an accident. This was you, Theo. It was you." Liam's whisper sounds loud in the dead silence.
Theo notices it after a few more seconds, notices the way his wrist no longer stings, how the wound is closing faster. His eyes slide over to Liam's hand that's still tracing his skin and up towards his forearm. Theo can't hold in the sound that leaves him - less of a gasp and more of a sharp inhale, one that has a whining edge to it.
Liam's veins are black. They're taking away his pain. Liam is taking away Theo's pain.
He doesn't know what to do, what to think, but he tries to speak, "Liam," is all he gets out.
"Let me do this for you." Liam's voice sounds broken, exhausted. But Theo can hear a hint of desperation, can smell it in the air. Liam wants to take care of him; a shudder rakes through his body violently at the thought.
Theo still feels confused, everything in his mind muddling together as Liam takes more of his pain. All he can think about is how the dragging of Liam's finger feels intoxicating against his cold skin. Theo doesn't know why Liam is doing this, he almost doesn't want to know the answer, too scared of knowing the truth. How can Liam care for him after all that he did? Why is he willing to do this for him at all?
"Okay." Theo's voice leaves his mouth as less than a whisper, so quiet he feels as if he didn't say it at all. But of course Liam heard him, of course he was listening. Why was he always listening to what Theo had to say?
"Why are you in so much pain?" Liam asks, but Theo doesn't answer. He doesn't have an answer. Shouldn't he always be in pain? Isn't that what Liam wants? What his pack wants? "Did Ms. McCall take those bullets out of you?" Liam keeps asking him questions. Ones he doesn't want to answer.
Theo swallows. His head jerks to the right, towards the floor of the passenger seat. Liam looks down at the mess by his feet; the three bullets lying on the floor, the bloodied gauze rolled up next to them.
Liam's head lifts back up and Theo can sense the tension in him as he looks his way again. Theo braces himself, for what he doesn't know. "Theo." Liam doesn't sound angry, he sounds hurt, defeated.
Theo is so tired of making people hurt. Especially people like Liam. He closes his eyes and leans back in his seat, not wanting to face him anymore. Liam lifts his fingers off Theo's arm and Theo whimpers out a groan at the loss. He misses it already, misses the rough pad of Liam's fingers trailing over his skin. Misses the way Liam's veins went dark, for him, the way he took all the pain he was still feeling from the long week. He misses Liam, even if he's sat right next to him.
But Theo doesn't have to miss it for long, as Liam's fingers go from his arm to his neck instead. Brushing over the side, next to his jugular. Theo's throat makes the noise again, but this ones different, it's desperate, guttural, it means he wants more. Liam answers his wants, reading his mind. He trails his fingers across Theo's neck, applying more pressure at parts in ways that make Theo gasp. His fingers move slowly up to his jaw, holding it not tightly but confidently, pulling on it so that Theo's head is facing his direction.
"Open your eyes, Theo." Liam nearly commands. And Theo listens, opens his eyes. He's met with a harsh and bright yellow; Liam's eyes have shifted, he's feeling something intensely. Theo goes rigid at the sight, the implications. "You don't have to rely on only yourself anymore, you can rely on us. On the pack."
Theo's world breaks. All he's ever wanted was to have others to rely on, be a part of a pack. And now Liam's just letting him when he's done nothing to deserve it? Why? He voices his question out loud.
"You've saved our lives more times than we can count, especially mine. I think you're qualified to be taken care of like pack. To be… pack." Liam sounds so sure, so secure in his decision to trust Theo.
"But Scott-" Liam cuts him off again.
"It doesn't matter what Scott, what Stiles, Lydia, Malia, what any of them think. They're leaving, and when they're gone, I'm the one in charge. And I want you in my life Theo. I want you in my pack." Liam's gripping his jaw tightly, now. Not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough to leave marks again, make his point, make Theo be wanted, make Theo his.
"I want to be in your pack." Theo confesses. His words heavy and weighted, more meaning hidden behind them than either is ready to understand. Theo's said a lot of things tonight he never thought he would admit, and he isn't sure what compels him to. Is it the exhaustion from fighting so long? Or is it the way Liam's hold on him makes him feel weightless, losing all grip on his conscience, making him become willing of anything?
"You already are. You were the second we left that elevator, Theo…" Liam pauses, like he wants to say more. He rubs his thumb over Theo's chin, pushes the pad of it up and across Theo's open lips, grazing them lightly. Theo lets out a breath, a shuddering one, leans into the touch, chasing the feeling. Liam's eyes glow brighter. "I heard your heart skip a beat. When you said you wouldn't die for me."
There it is. What Theo has been dreading. Liam knows, knows something even Theo hasn't fully understood or dived into yet. He pushes back. Pushes against what Liam thinks he knows. Because that's all Theo can do, push people away. "I didn't hear yours." He pulls his face out of Liam's grip.
Liam doesn't let him get too far, holding onto him tighter. "My heart didn't skip because I knew we would make it out alive. We always do, Theo."
And Theo wants, he craves so badly to believe Liam. He desperately wants to finally let himself feel like Liam wants him around. Wants him. So he lets himself believe. "You'd die for me?"
"Without a second thought." Liam's voice is soft, softer than Theo's ever heard it before. He's always so strong, so sure in everything he says, anger seeping into his words. Especially when he talks to Theo. But now, his voice sounds like he cares, likes he's telling the truth. And he is, Theo knows this. He hears his heart, knows it isn’t a lie.
It's Theo's breaking point.
His body melts, beyond his control, and his face drops into the palm of Liam's rough hand. He leans over in his seat, trying to get closer to Liam, trying to get as much from him as he can before he pulls away.
Liam listens to his needs. He pulls Theo closer, keeping one hand on his jaw, the other grasping his waist. He moves Theo over the console between their seats, until his head is resting on Liam's chest, right above his heartbeat. The angle is awkward and Theo's body is contorted in an odd way, but he feels content. He feels wanted.
Liam holds him close, letting Theo divulge in him, his scent, his grasp, for longer than he thinks he deserves. "Drive me home?" He asks, after a few minutes of silence.
Theo nods, cheek dragging against Liam's dirty shirt. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."
He pulls away. Moves back into his own seat and feels tense. He let himself feel a little too much, he thinks. Let himself indulge too much. Liam was just pitying him, he wasn't actually feeling anything for him.
Theo turns his truck on, putting one hand on the wheel, the other on the gear stick to put it in drive. As he pulls away from his parking spot, he attempts to bring his hand back up to the wheel, but stops when something grasps onto it.
Not just something, but Liam.
He places his hand lightly on top of Theo's, waits for a second, and then intertwines their fingers. Theo grips the steering wheel with his other hand, white knuckling it. He bites the inside of his cheek until he can taste blood, tries not to look at Liam.
He fails. He glances down at their hands first, his heart beating wildly at the image. Liam's hand isn't larger than his by any means, they're nearly the exact same size. And Theo can't help but think, it's like they're made to be together. Liam's fingers tighten in between his own, almost as if he's thinking the exact same thing. Theo looks at Liam, then.
He's looking right back at him, eyes back to their normal deep blue, and a small smile on his face. Liam looks… beautiful, tired, but beautiful. It's not the first time that Theo's thought that. It's definitely not going to be the last, either.
He looks at the road in front of him, driving in silence on his way to Liam's house. He's only been once, when he took him to pack his things a few days ago. Yet he knows the roads by heart. He had memorized them, hoping that one day, he'd maybe be driving Liam there again. He never thought it would actually happen, that he would actually have a chance for Liam to use him - trust him again.
He pulls up along the curb, next to Liam's house, leaves his truck running. He waits. For Liam to pull his hand away, for him to send Theo away. For him to tell Theo this all meant nothing. He waits. But none of it happens.
Theo's head turns towards Liam's, in confusion and slight fear. Liam is still turned towards him, as if he never pulled his eyes away the whole ride here. Liam's smile hasn't left either, still soft and telling Theo so many things he'll never be ready to hear. "You gonna turn off your truck or let it run all night?" It's teasing, the way he says it.
Theo's eyes widen, unable to process what Liam just said. He glances between Liam's face and the keys still in his ignition. "What?"
"I want you to stay the night, Theo." Liam's smile is no longer soft, instead, it's almost dangerous. Theo thinks back to his hand on his jaw, the thumb sliding across his lips, the white marks left on his skin.
"Yeah. Okay." He breaks his hand away from Liam's to turn his key, regrets it almost immediately when he realizes he might never have a chance to hold it again. He wants to hold it again.
With a jolt, Theo realizes that his feelings for Liam are feelings. He likes him. He thought it was just anchor intuition at first, he may have been feigning ignorance when it came to most Liam related things, but even he could admit that since being pulled out of hell, Liam was his anchor. Then he thought it was a need to belong, be a part of the pack. But now, it makes so much sense. Of course, of course he likes Liam. He might have liked him even before he went to hell.
Theo jumps - again being caught off guard - as the door to the driver's seat opens. Liam leans against it, one arm braced around it, the other held out to Theo. "Come on, we need to shower and get some sleep."
Theo grabs his hand without thinking. He doesn't go over all the possibilities in his head like he normally would, he doesn't think about every other option. He just holds it. He lets himself be unbuckled and pulled out of his truck. He lets himself follow Liam up the pathway to his house. He trails behind Liam, leaving space between them, in case Liam decides against this, decides Theo isn't worth the trouble. Liam pulls him closer, tightens their hands, gives him a look. One that sends shivers down Theo's back, to the base of his spine.
Liam leads him through the house, up the stairs and down a hall to his bedroom. Theo stares, in wonder, at everything he sees. This is Liam's house. His room suits him, Theo muses, with the lacrosse gear strewn around, the gym lockers on the wall by the bathroom door.
Liam sits down on his bed. Theo stands in front of him, bewildered. Their hands are still clasped together. Liam's looking up at him, looking at him. Theo is at a loss, a loss of what to do, at what Liam is trying to do.
Liam pulls on their hands again, brings Theo close, until their knees are touching. He keeps their hands together, brings his other one to the small of Theo's back. And Theo holds his breath, he waits for what Liam is going to do next, anticipation flowing through him as he tries to find a reason in Liam's eyes.
Liam's hand pushes against his back, his thumb dips beneath the band of his jeans just enough to make Theo feel flushed. He forces Theo to lean down more, move closer. Theo follows the movement with confusion and uncertainty plaguing him. Liam's eyes shift downwards, towards something specific, Theo follows the path, wondering what Liam wants, what he needs.
Oh.
Hoping he's doing what Liam wants, hoping he's not messing this up, Theo crawls onto the bed slowly, still facing Liam. His knees bracket Liam's legs and he settles down gently, lowering himself onto his lap. Is this what he wants? Is this why he looked down? Or is Theo messing it all up?
Theo is so unsure, so hesitant. He wishes he were still in his truck, digging his claws into his wrists, making himself bleed. Making himself pay. He doesn't deserve this, doesn't even know what this is. Pain is easier to handle than whatever this is. Whatever this is supposed to be.
Liam snakes his arm around Theo's waist, pulls him closer, so they're chest to chest, so that Theo is more firmly ontop of him. Theo flushes, a deep, angry red blossoming over his skin. Fuck.
He doesn't know what Liam's playing at, what his goal is, if he's even a part of the game. Theo is so clueless. He feels stupid. Not knowing what's happening, what he's feeling, what Liam's feeling. He's sitting on his lap, their hands still locked together, and Liam's looking at him, in a way he has never seen him look at anyone before. It's… it's so different from the Liam a month ago, last week, even the one from a few hours ago.
"You're so gorgeous, Theo." He says it like a secret, whispered and hidden.
"What's going on, Liam, what are we doing?" Theo's voice cracks around the edges, breaking under his exhaustion. He doesn't think Liam would mess with him, he isn't like that. He's just not sure Liam knows what he's doing at all.
"We're living." Liam's hand slides up Theo's back, gliding over the tshirt until he reaches Theo's neck. Then he yanks, brings Theo in close by the back of his neck, hand wrapped around it, digging into his skin.
Theo gasps as his lips meet Liam's. It's not gentle at first, Liam pulling a bit too roughly, and Theo - unsuspecting it - falling too easily with the force; their lips clash together, harsh and violent. It's everything Theo expected. When he would imagine it, late at night, alone in his truck. When he would grace himself with the thought of Liam, he always imagined it exactly like this.
He never thought of what it could be. What it turns into.
Liam pulls back, and Theo freezes. His mind races, thinking of everything that Liam could be thinking. Did he mean to do that? Does he want to? Does he regret it? Why is he pulling away?
Theo's thoughts are silenced as Liam leans in again, this time, he kisses Theo. Really kisses him, gently. He moves the hand that's latching onto the back of Theo's neck and drags it across his skin. Pushing down on his neck, just like he did in the car, causes a moan to slip out of Theo. Liam does it again. Theo's mouth falls open, noises seeping out of it slowly as Liam moves his hand across his neck and jaw, pushing and tracing. The kiss is soft, it's gentle, it's… nothing like Theo imagined. Ever.
Liam's moving his lips, and Theo's trying to follow, trying to keep up despite the slow pace. It's hard. Theo's only kissed one person before, and it was just a step in his plan to kill them. He doesn't know what he's doing, but he's trying. Liam seems to not mind his lack of skill, small moans of his own slip out, huffs of breath leaving his nose.
When Theo is finally getting a feel for the kiss, following the rhythm and movement that Liam leads with, he brings his free hand up to grip at Liam's shirt tightly, fisting it, pulling him somehow closer. The kiss is turning desperate, flowing from the gentle and slow pace and becoming harsher, more passionate. Theo's head clouds with desire.
He loses all focus on whatever thoughts, whatever doubts and troubles he had before the kiss. Because it feels so good, so the only focus he has is how to make it - make Liam - feel better. In all the times that Theo thought about kissing, he never imagined it to feel like this. All he can do is feel. Feel the lick of Liam's tongue against his own, the press of his lips, the way they move, the way they shift, how his teeth bite down on him.
Liam's hand moves down from Theo's neck slowly, brushing over his chest, causing his body to ache, before the hand lands on Theo's waist, clenches it tightly, that similar anchoring feeling from back in the car. And Theo groans, again, not able to control what he feels because of Liam holding him, keeping him there, wanting him. Every move Liam makes feels good no matter what it is, Theo can't catch a break, can't catch his breath. His body is shaking, tense and full of so much feeling, he thinks he might burst.
It's more than just the kiss. It's the way that Liam's hand hasn't left his own, the way Liam's thumb rubs at Theo's side reassuringly, the way he switches from heated and needy kisses to slow, sensual ones when he notices Theo's overwhelmed. It's the way Liam blatantly cares. Another shudder runs down Theo's spine at that. Liam cares for him. Liam cares for him. Theo's desperate, insane dreams are being brought to life with every slide of Liam's tongue.
He licks into Theo's mouth gently, sucking in his bottom lip, biting it just hard enough it hurts in a way that makes Theo keen. Then he does this thing - something Theo can't recreate - where he moves his tongue in a certain way, a specific twist and dip that brings Theo so close to the edge of a cliff, leaves him teetering, and then pushes him off.
Theo's never made noises like he has tonight before. It's almost odd, how little he knew about himself before, how much he's discovering in one night. For one, he now knows he likes it when Liam bites his lip hard enough it bleeds. He likes scraping his teeth along Liam's own lips, likes the way Liam shivers at it, clenches his waist tightly. He likes the way Liam is so confident in every move he makes, the way he's guiding Theo through. He likes the way Liam's clearly feeling affected, his claws nipping at Theo's skin through his shirt. He likes the way Liam controls the kiss, controls Theo.
He isn't sure how long they've spent like this. He doesn't even know if it's still the same day anymore. Theo feels slightly faint, lightheaded from kissing for so long and not breathing enough. Liam pulls away from Theo gently, lips brushing against his one last time before he moves them away completely.
Theo breathes deeply, mind clearing with every intake. The fuzzy feeling in his head leaves slowly. Theo shifts and, with embarrassment, realizes that he's still sitting in Liam's lap. He pulls away, lifts himself up and twists to sit next to him instead.
There's a moment of awkward silence, before Liam is bringing their joint hands up to his mouth, kissing Theo's knuckles lightly. "You shower first, okay? Let me get you some clothes." Liam's hand slips from Theo's as he gets off the bed and walks to his dresser.
Theo feels overwhelmed, like tonight has been too much for him. He knows now that Liam cares for him, for some reason, he wants him around. Wants him to spend the night. But Theo doesn't know what he did to deserve Liam. His hands move into fists and he digs his blunt, human nails into the skin as he clenches. The pain is what he deserves, what he needs. He craves it, for reassurance, to keep his life steady.
"Theo!" Liam shouts and Theo unclenches his hands on instinct. Liam's standing in front of him, sweatpants and sweatshirt in his hands. "Stop hurting yourself." He's no longer shouting. His voice turns delicate when he reaches down to hold Theo's palm.
Theo stares, in awe, as Liam's veins turn black for him again. The second time he's taken his pain away tonight, when Theo isn't sure he even deserved it the first. "Why? Why do you keep taking it away?" Theo says, the words sounding like a sob, desperate.
"Why do you keep causing yourself pain?" Liam holds on tighter, clenches his teeth together as more pain seeps out of Theo's body and into his own. "Why are you always so hurt, Theo?"
"Because it's what I deserve." A confession. No more than a whisper. It leaves the room silent. The air around them is stiff, tension filling the voids.
"You deserve a lot of things Theo. But this? Hurting yourself? Sacrificing yourself? Those aren't them." Liam sounds so sure of his words. Saying them like they're the truth. A truth Theo wants to believe, but can't bring himself to.
"I deserve worse."
Liam looks at him, studies him for a second, before he's yanking him inwards, pulling him into his arms. He settles Theo down, head curved to lay against Liam's heart. Just like in the car. "Listen to my heart, listen to what I'm saying." Theo does. "You deserve only good things, Theo. You deserve happiness."
His heart doesn't skip. It doesn't stutter. It just keeps beating, in a fluid, steady rhythm. One that forces Theo to finally accept what's going on around him.
Liam doesn't just care for him, he likes Theo.
Theo shifts his head, raises it, not off of Liam's chest but just angled enough so he can make eye contact with him. And he can see it, hates himself for not seeing it before. For being too far into his pity party to see what Liam was trying to show him the entire time. What Liam feels for him. Liam really is telling the truth. He wants Theo to be happy, to not constantly be suffering and in pain.
"I deserve happiness." When Theo says it, he says it like a promise. He's going to make it happen.
"Of course you do. We all do, Theo." Liam leans down, kisses him on the forehead. "Now get in the shower, I like you a lot and all, but you're stinking up my room."
It's weird to Theo, how natural Liam can act after such a blatant confession of feelings. Not only from his words, but his actions, where he reaffirms with every look, every kiss, every hold, just how he feels. It comes naturally to him, Theo remembers how he acted with Hayden. Realizes it's how he's now acting with him. Theo's skin goes aflame. Liam really does like him, he can't believe he was so ignorant of it before.
"You like me?" He asks just to be sure. Because sometimes Theo sees things that aren't there, usually coming in the form of his dead sister and not boys confessing to him, but still. He's still listening to his heartbeat, still able to hear a lie.
"Yes, I like you Theo. For some, weird reason, I decided that the big, bad chimera Theo Raeken was the guy for me." It's teasing again, but Theo can't help but find it ironic. Liam really did choose him of all people to like. If Theo were Liam, he wouldn't even be on the list of people to choose from. He'd be on the list to be sent back to hell.
"What can I say? It's my rugged good looks and charm." Theo teases back, because he can do that now. Tease Liam like he did before but not have it be antagonistic or mocking. Just… teasing, like friends - more than friends? - do. And he doesn't fully understand what this even is, what he and Liam are going to be. But he wants to let himself have it.
"Mmm," Liam is smiling at him, Theo doesn't think he'll ever tire of it, "definitely the good looks. You're beautiful, Theo. But you'll look even more beautiful after a hot shower, wearing my clothes, and lying in my bed."
Liam's doing that thing again. Where he says and does things that make Theo feel hot, make him blush and shiver. Theo likes when he does it. He grabs the clothes from Liam's hand, bringing them close to his chest. "You're weird, Liam."
Liam laughs. "It's the werewolf part of me. Makes me all… possessive and shit." He's looking at Theo like he did before he kissed him, that similar longing want in his eyes.
Theo gets up and side steps him, entering the bathroom and shutting the door before Liam can pull Theo into another mind numbing kiss. He wouldn't really care if Liam kissed him again, but he does smell like shit, and exhaustion is creeping into his bones.
Though it feels like ages ago, he did just fight for his - and Liam's - life against hunters only a few hours ago. He doesn't blame his body for the ache that's overtaking it, dull pain ricocheting through his muscles in a way that rapid healing doesn't ease as soon as it should. He turns the shower the hottest it will go, hoping the spray will ease his aching body and relax him enough to sleep through the night without nightmares plaguing his every thought.
He showers quickly, feeling weird to be using Liam's bathroom while he sits in his room alone. Especially after what just happened and the things that have been said. It still doesn't make sense to Theo, Liam's feelings for him. But… Liam wants him, and he cares for Theo, for whatever fucked up reason. So Theo's going to let himself have this one thing, even if it only lasts for a short time.
Liam might wake up tomorrow morning and decide that Theo isn't worth his time anymore, he doesn't like him, doesn't care for him, doesn't want him to be happy. He might even kick Theo out, make him be as unwanted as he always feels. Theo wouldn't blame him, not even a little bit. Liam booting him to the curb would be the easiest thing for them both. If they pursue this, it's not going to be easy, not everyone will accept Liam dating their enemy. If that's even what Liam wants… Theo feels they should talk about that, figure out what they want from each other.
He puts the clothes Liam gave him on, a sudden rush of euphoria washing over him in waves. He can smell Liam, his scent seeping in through the cloth, even if they're clean, the soap can't block out Liam's natural smell. It's an anchor thing, and a wolf thing, being able to smell someone despite the fact that their scent isn't recent. Craving the smell, no matter how unappealing it is or how weird it might be.
Liam's scent isn't unappealing though, it's the opposite. It's dark, woodsy, smells like the lacrosse field and outdoors. And Theo finds it a little intoxicating. He brings the collar of Liam's sweatshirt up to his nose, inhales deeply, his body going lax at the scent of his anchor. He breathes in again, getting as much of Liam's smell as he can before it gets too weird.
Theo drops the sweatshirt, fixes the collar, and straightens himself out. Liam will not know how addicting Theo found his scent. He has had enough embarrassment already for tonight.
"I was right, you do look better wearing my clothes." Liam says as Theo walks into his room.
Theo wants to roll his eyes, say something snarky back, but he enjoys wearing Liam's clothes. Likes having his scent wrap around him, making him feel safe. He likes knowing he's wearing something that's Liam's, something that he owns. "Go shower, idiot."
Liam listens, going into his bathroom and shutting the door. Theo collapses on his bed in the meantime, feeling too tired to stay on his feet for much longer. His face falls into a pillow, once again breathing in the intoxicating smell of Liam. It's addicting, having your anchor's scent surround you, envelop you, when you're tired and drained. If Liam laid down next to him right now, Theo would not function. He'd feel too much, wouldn't be able to handle it.
His mind whirls as he lays there, sinking into the sheets, and closing his eyes. He raises his arms, places them under the pillow, brings it closer to his face and sighs, relieved. It smells so good, smells like home. Theo could get used to this, being surrounded by Liam, by Liam's things. If… he lets him, that is.
Theo is a pessimist, it's basically in his DNA to be one, his human and hybrid. He sees the negative in everything. And Liam keeping him around? It's hard to see the positive in that. Liam liking him back was already a miracle to Theo.
"What's got you thinking so hard?" Liam’s voice startles Theo again and Theo feels defeated. He needs to stop letting his guard down.
He opens his eyes, looking over as Liam shrugs a sweatshirt on - Theo sort of wishes he didn’t - and walks over to the other side of the bed, to settle down himself. Theo turns his head, eyes following Liam the entire way, watching him as he turns off a light and climbs under the covers. He waits, thinking of what to say, trying to understand what he’s feeling, how to tell Liam why he’s thinking so much. He realizes he’s doing it again, thinking too hard, so he opens his mouth, says the first thing that comes to mind, “I’m thinking that you’re too good for me. And that I really like how you smell.”
Theo should keep his mouth shut.
Liam laughs, the sound fills Theo’s ear melodically, sounding like pure happiness. “I’m not too good for you, Theo. And I like the way you smell too, having you lay in my bed has been something I’ve wanted for a while.”
Theo can’t help the disbelief he feels as that, doubting Liam’s truthfulness. He wanted Theo’s stink to cover his bed for a while? Sure, he really believes that. “I doubt that, but thank you for trying to make me feel normal.”
“Do you realize how good you smell? How much I have to resist scenting you every time I see you? You smell amazing Theo, it intoxicates me. Gets me all distracted.” Liam says it in a decided tone, one with finality in it, no room for argument from Theo. Maybe Theo should stop doubting everything Liam says to him.
Theo pauses as he realizes what Liam really said. Liam wants to scent him? He thinks he smells intoxicating too? Did that mean- “I’m your anchor?” He asks his thoughts out loud, finally feeling comfortable enough to voice his thoughts to Liam in confidence, not keep them hidden only to himself.
“Theo, you’ve been my anchor since I pulled you out of hell.”
No, there’s no way that can be true. He had Hayden, she was his anchor until she left, right? “But Hayden…”
Liam’s eyebrows furrow together in pure confusion, “Theo, Hayden has never been my anchor. It was the saying ‘the sun, the moon, the truth’ before it was you. Never her.”
Theo’s brain shuts down for what seems like the fifteenth time tonight. Liam was his anchor, and he was Liam’s. He was Liam’s first real anchor. Something that his ex girlfriend never was. When Theo had been in his truck, digging bullets out of his flesh, tracing his veins earlier, he never thought any of this would happen. He never thought he would be this lucky. “That’s. Cool.”
Liam snorts, closes his eyes, “it’s the coolest.”
Theo feels Liam shift and looks down at his hand, where it’s moving towards Theo. He places it on Theo’s forearm, tracing up and down on his skin in the dark. Like he’s tracing his veins again, ensuring that he really is human enough, took someone’s pain. Ensuring that what he’s feeling for Theo isn’t bad, that Theo isn’t bad.
“Whatever you’re thinking right now is probably wrong.” Liam mumbles, clearly tired from the day he’s had.
“Are you sure?” Theo asks. He doubts Liam isn’t thinking something similar, isn’t thinking about how Theo was once evil and unable to take pain away - even from Liam’s best friend. He’s probably thinking that Theo isn’t truly good enough. Theo sure is thinking that.
“Theo.” Liam stops rubbing his arm, instead he holds onto it, heaves himself up, and sets himself on top of Theo to hover over him. “I like you. I like you. I don’t think you’re evil, and I haven’t for a while, since the ghost riders, since you saved my life. I know you aren’t the same Theo that we sent to hell, and I’m sorry we did that to you. It clearly messed you up, and we never should have done that. Whatever you think of yourself, it’s not at all what I think. I don’t think you deserve more pain, I don’t think you aren’t good enough, and I don’t think that you taking away Gabe’s pain was a fluke nor a bad thing. I think you’re amazing, Theo. You’re amazing, and you’re strong, and you deserve great things. I want to give you some of those great things, if you’ll let me. I want to take you on a date, love you in ways you deserve yet have never had. I want to be your anchor, be your person. So let me Theo, let me in, let yourself in, and stop hurting and shaming yourself for your past. If I can forgive you, then you need to forgive yourself.” He settles down on Theo’s chest halfway through his speech, mumbling the rest of it into the crook of his neck, lips brushing against Theo’s skin with each word causing Theo to shiver again. Not just at the feeling, but at what Theo is saying, the emotion in his voice.
Liam never let’s Theo rest. It’s always attack after attack of feelings and emotions and words and human things that Theo has never had to deal with. First, taking his pain away intimately while they were all alone, then touching him in the car in ways Theo has never been touched before, making Theo feel unraveled. And bringing him into his home, kissing him in ways Theo didn’t even know were possible, holding onto him and dragging him into an unknown world of overwhelming care and affection. Now, he’s lying on top of him, giving Theo the speech of a lifetime, whispering about how Theo is worth things and deserves to be happy. He wants to kick or punch something, maybe the wall, maybe a human. He wants to feel pain again, it was a lot easier to feel pain than to feel this.
Theo speaks with shakiness. “I like you too.” It’s the best he can do, after the way Liam spoke to him. It’s the best he can do as Liam drags his nose across his skin, sniffing into him. Scenting him. It’s the best he can do as an emotionally stunted chimera.
And it seems like it’s enough. For right now. “I know. Now go to bed. We’re going to breakfast tomorrow. First date.” Liam licks lightly at his neck, nips at it for good measure, spreads his scent all over Theo. Makes sure that everyone will know what they did tomorrow, if they see them.
Theo closes his eyes. He closes his eyes and tries to sleep, tries to stop thinking. He thinks about taking Gabe’s pain away, the way that his veins were black as ink, the way they felt like fire crawling through his skin. Theo thinks about himself, the way he can’t seem to let himself be happy, the way he always needs to feel pain, to feel tortured, to give back for all the bad things he’s done. And then he thinks about the things Liam has done to him tonight, the things he’s said, the things he’s left unsaid, the ways he’s treated Theo with more gentleness than he’s received his whole life.
Theo relaxes underneath Liam, takes a deep breath, and finally lets himself relax, lets himself have something. Lets himself have happiness. He brushes every bad thought out of his mind before it can manifest and grow inside his head. He just lets himself be free, be human. He lets himself have Liam, lets himself have one thing he never thought he would deserve.
And Theo falls asleep, with no nightmares or memories plaguing his mind. He falls asleep satisfied. He falls asleep in love, with someone who loves him back.
He forgives himself.