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Svetlana heard about the news on a rare sunny Tuesday morning in February, about a month after it had taken place, but she doesn’t care that it took so long for her to hear the news. She had left that life behind and made no attempts to try and stay in contact with anyone she knew back in Chicago. They had shown that they didn’t care about her before she left and so she had shown no qualms about cutting them out of her life. The only reason she had kept up the very thin lines between her new life and her old life had been for her son, because if he were to ask her questions when he was older she wanted to be able to give him some answers. But even then, the lines are so thin that the news surprises her, considering last she heard he was hiding out in Mexico somewhere.
It feels weird though, when the news manages to hit her. She hasn’t thought about that life in a long time, too focused on making her new life work. She had ditched her previous husband just six months after their wedding when she learnt he wasn’t actually as rich as she initially thought and that he planned to give everything to his children anyway. It had been no secret to everyone that she only married him for the money and the possibility of a better life; and when he removed that from her she felt no need to stick around.
And so, she had taken a large amount of cash from the safety deposit box, packed up her stuff and then with Yev by her side headed for the bus station. Jumping on the first bus she could find and heading as far as she could before the bus terminated. It hadn’t been great when she first arrived in North Dakota, she had the cash from Rupert but it wouldn’t last forever and she needed to find both employment and housing; something which had been difficult when she had Yev to take care of. Luckily, she was able to get him into a day care while she was out searching for work and soon enough she was making some decent money as a barmaid in one of the more upmarket hotel bars in the city.
It was here that she had met Gary; a wealthy businessman who liked to wind down with his colleagues over drinks in the bar most nights. He was in his late fifties with grey hair and always had a suit on that stretched across his growing belly from the copious amounts of food and alcohol he ingested every day. Svetlana didn’t feel any sort of attraction or romance to Gary, but he was far better than her previous husband. He treated her well, showed her respect which was something she was not often given, and besides, she had tried the whole marriage for love and that had got her nowhere either. In fact, it had led her to exactly where she was right now and so she wasn’t expecting to find anything much more. Gary was kind to her, treated her like she wished and opened up opportunities for her. She had long since learnt that life wasn’t just one big fairy tale and she knew she could do a lot worse.
Her and Yev had been living with Gary for the past eight months when she hears the news, eight months of not thinking about her previous life when suddenly she is sucked back into the life she had back in Chicago, a life that she once thought was it for her. A life that saw her married and pregnant before she had barely become an adult herself, while she spent her nights - and some days - jerking men off just to make a quick few bucks.
She hated to think of that life, sure she didn’t think she was the best person in the world, hell she was currently living with a man for no other reason other than that he treated her well enough that she felt she could keep him around. And yes, she was a product of the life she was thrown into, when your own father decides to sell you into a life of prostitution you quickly learn that you look out for yourself and only yourself. But she still regrets some of the choices she made, some of the actions she took.
She regrets the way she treated him.
She has time to reflect on her life now that she is settled. Thinks back to the life she led in Chicago and situations that she maybe could have handled better. He is definitely one of them. At the time she had viewed him as just another South Side thug, another member of the Milkovich family who treated everyone like scum.
Originally, she had been excited when he proposed to her following the announcement of the pregnancy in which he was led to believe he was the father. She hadn’t felt guilty about leading him on, it wasn’t like she knew who the father to her unborn child was, he very well could be the dad, but there was also a high chance that he wasn’t. But he was stepping up, had agreed to marry her and she thought this might finally be a way out.
From what she knew about the Milkovich"s, she knew they were never too concerned about possible children running around the streets without a family; but considering this and the fact he had proposed to her she thought it might be different, it wouldn"t be a fairy tale because he was still a Milkovich, but it might be a way of getting off the streets. It turns out he was different than the rest of his family, but not in the ways she needed him to be.
Of course, now that she was older and wiser she could see the truth, that he had been just as much a victim of his life than she was of hers, that for him the marriage was a means to survive and nothing more. But back then, when she was still only just entering adulthood herself she had been unable to see that, and therefore had felt anger and resentment over the fact he married her and then failed to be her husband. She had expected him to be her ticket out of there and she was saddened by the fact he wouldn’t be. That he at that point was living up to the Milkovich name. Back then she remembers wishing that he had just left her to rot with all the other prostitutes instead of giving her a sense of false hope.
She had been selfish to him, both of them just children who were victims of their past and suffering the consequences of been made to grow up far too quickly, doomed from the start thanks to circumstances they couldn’t control. She can see it now, but back then she was so blinded. Now she realises just how wrong the circumstances were, that he was perfectly justified in his actions, especially when it came to the child, but back then, as she lived her life as a hooker on the wrong side of the tracks she couldn’t understand his complete and utter disregard for the child that she always assumed was the driving force for the marriage to begin with. It’s only now, now that she’s had the chance to step away, a chance to experience consensual sex and see that it’s not just something to be expected, that’s it’s not a requirement, only now can she realise how fucked up the situation was for both of them. Only now can she see that males can too be subject to forced sexual activity even when they are the ones doing the penetrating.
He wasn’t perfect by any means, like her he had grown up in a toxic environment that he could find no escape from. They were both awful to each other, both treated one another like shit at times and resented one another throughout the entire make shift marriage. Looking back Svetlana knows she could have had it a lot worse. Mickey wasn’t an awful guy, sure he barely bothered with her but he never hit her or forced her into anything she didn’t want to do. She knows she could have had a lot worse, even with certain members of the household they lived in. But she could never see past the fact he wasn’t her knight in shining armour, he hadn’t been the prince that her mom spoke about when she was younger and still living in Russia. Her mom spoke so wishful about the idea of her finding a Prince and helping her to find success in life. Now Svetlana understood that you had to make your own way in the world and couldn’t rely on someone to be your saviour, instead you had to be your own saviour.
But back then she was still naive and so she hadn’t made that conclusion, so she was mad that her own Prince had in fact not been her Prince after all. She hated the fact that he prioritised that carrot boy as she so called him, that he became his main focus and that he was the one person he cared about most. That he would literally pick him over everyone else, including his so-called son that may not have been his but everyone was treating as his so what did it matter. Looking back, part of her realises that she was probably jealous, jealous of the fact her husband would literally do anything for this man who was slowly going crazy, yet he wouldn’t give her the time of day.
She let the jealousy and the anger lead her decisions in the months leading up to her ex-husbands downfall - if they had ever even been legally married, who knows what was even legit back then and if the wedding and marriage license had even been real - she had been selfish and unkind when she looks back, but in that moment, in those months when everything turned so quickly she had felt so justified in her actions and her words.
She had disregarded his hurt and fear so quickly once she realised she wasn’t getting what she wanted. She had been happy to play happy families with him and carrot boy when it suited her and her needs; but as soon as the idea of them as a family was removed and she realised his priorities were not with them but with Ian, then she had turned her back on him, on both of them.
His world had crashed down around him so quickly, he had gone from the dizzying heights of finally feeling like he could be free to been utterly broken within a few short months. She stood and watched as everything burned around him and never once tried to help him or support him. She should have been his friend, should have helped him because they were never perfect but he had kept a roof over her head, he had kept her somewhat safe; and instead she just disregarded him like last year’s trash. Had only took an interest when it suited herself.
She stopped visiting him in prison when she no longer had a need for it, when she was making headway with Veronica, Kevin and the bar. She had left him behind them bars to believe that no one cared, that no one wanted to visit him. She wasn’t sure if Ian was visiting back then, but she could predict that he wasn’t since she had previously paid him to visit. She guesses he was left to feel completely alone, when she could have reached out and been his friend. They never would have worked, that was inevitable, even without the factors of sexuality and the red-haired men, but she could have at least been his friend. She hadn’t needed to treat him like dirt, bad mouth him in front of everyone because sure he wasn’t a good husband - but who would be when you are forced into a marriage you don’t want - but he was a good person at heart, and he just needed to know someone was looking out for him, that someone actually cared about his wellbeing and if he got out alive. But instead she got what she wanted from him and ran, didn’t look back and up until now didn’t feel remorse.
She feels glad to hear the news of the wedding, he deserves to be happy she knows that much, and she also knows he has never been as happy as he is with Ian. They had a few months as a happy family back in the summer of 2014 and during that time she saw her husband happy for the first time in the short year and half she had known him.
She hopes Ian is treating him right because he deserves that much. Mental illness aside, Ian had also treated Mickey poorly back in the day, similar to her he had also disregarded him so quickly. But unlike her, she does know that even though Ian did treat him poorly at times, he always loved him. She had distanced herself from Ian when Mickey was sent to jail, felt no need to keep him in her life or Yev’s life following the fear that filled her when he took off cross country with her baby. But the Gallagher’s had still been in her orbit, considering she married their best friends, and so she knew that Ian had still loved Mickey in the years that followed, no matter how hard he tried to move on.
She thinks about reaching out to the couple, sending a congratulations their way and opening up that line of communication between them once more. But in the end, she decides against it. Doesn’t see how it would benefit either of them now that they have all successfully moved on. Svetlana finally starting to make a life for herself away from the streets and massage parlours. No longer worried about what her life will turn out to be and if she can support her child, finally feeling like she’s moving up. And he’s married to his own Prince, the one that he fought for, the one he loved long before she arrived and long after she left.
She doesn’t know if Yev is his, there was 3 other men around that time that had not used protection - including Mickey’s father - and so any of them could be Yev’s biological father. Plus, Yev didn’t show signs that he felt his was missing out on anything, and by popping back up in Mickey’s life it might just bring back previous demons that he wishes to forget. It just does not feel worth it. She likes to think if Mickey ever feels ready to face those demons and wants to open up a line of communication then he will find a way.
So instead she continues on as normal, like she didn’t hear that the man she once married just to appease his father was now married to the love of his life, and like the news didn’t bring up a lot of complicated feelings and reflections about her past. No, she ignores it all and plays like everything is fine, but she does for a moment feel herself briefly smile for the man who managed to escape the life he was doomed for and start a life he deserves.