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Liara panicked the moment she saw the empty cage. The empty wheel. The empty hut. Cage door slightly open, indicating that she had an escapee somewhere in her apartment. She took a moment to try and get herself together, her anxiety and panic flooding through her body.
She needed to control her breathing. She needed to get herself together.
Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and down her cheeks. She clamped her eyes shut, trying to prevent this. She could feel the room spinning so she sat down on the corner of her bed, fists clenched.
She couldn’t lose him too.
She’d never forgive herself.
She promised.
"Hey, I know its dumb but, if anything did happen...”
“Shepard.”
“Liara please, just if anything happened would you take care of him?”
Liara’s eyes had followed her lover’s gaze and she smiled once it settled on the Hamster in the corner of her Cabin.
“Of course, I will but I won’t need to, you’ve got promises to keep.”
“And miles to go before I sleep.” Shepard teased. “You’ve been spending too much time with Ashley.”
Liara broke herself free from the memory and stood up quickly, swallowing hard and trying to push the grief she felt back down.
“I wish we had more time. ” A ghost’s voice echoed in her head.
She wishes they had too.
She dropped to her knees and moved to look under the bed. There was nothing but marble floor. No signs of small nibbles at her bed. No signs of dropped food.
She stood again and removed the cream-colored covers of her bed back. She wondered if the little escapee had burrowed under her bed for warmth.
But there was no trace.
She clenched her fists again.
“He’s my little buddy Liara, come on, you know he’s so cute!”
She swallowed.
“Goddess, I miss you.”
She moved around the room using her biotics to move around the wardrobes and furniture before once again finding herself sitting on the bed, shoulders slumped in defeat.
“He could be anywhere by now.” She sighed to herself.
“Look Liara, Dr Chakwas made him a top hat!”
Liara let out a small laugh before beginning to sob. How could she let Shepard down like this? Why did it always seem like it was loss after loss.
Her mother.
Mordin.
Legion.
Thrane.
Anderson.
Edi.
Shepard.
Oh. Shepard.
Everyone had lost so much. She had watched Palaven fall. She had seen Thessia burn. She had seen the faces of those who lost everything.
She was one of the lucky few who hadn’t.
She calmed herself once more. Tried to anchor herself. She had asked Tali how she coped in these moments, where the grief felt overwhelming.
Tali told her to find an anchor. A memory. A moment. Something that would bring Liara back out of her funk. Tali had told her she used the memories of the good times, even in the war. She used memories of herself and Garrus falling in love. She used the memory of watching Fleet and Flotilla with Shepard. Anything that could put a smile on her face.
So Liara used her memories of her mother, before they became estranged. She used memories of Shepard, of their love. She clasped the dog tags around her neck. Shepard’s love was with her always.
She wiped her eyes once more before leaving the room and heading down the hall. She passed the many photos that adorned her wall.
Tali and Garrus’s betrothal.
The picture of them all on their last hurrah at the Citadel.
Jack and Miranda’s moving in party.
Wrex and his children.
Even a picture of herself, Aria and Tevos in Afterlife.
Then a picture of herself and Shepard, a candid of Shephard looking at Liara and finally, one of her in her dress blues.
Memories, old and new.
She finally found herself in front of the room she wished to enter, she pealed the door open slowly and smiled as Glyth continued to project stars across the ceiling of the wall. She moved inside and shut the door. She moved the covers of the bed back slightly and let out a gasp as she finally found her escapee.
“Admiral Squeaker!” Liara watched as the small hamster moved back under the covers.
“He didn’t want me to sleep alone tonight, he told me.” A small voice said from the bed. “I’ll be careful not to squish him.”
“I know my little star but he may still get hurt, you may roll over even if you don’t mean to.” Liara moved to sit down, careful not to squish the little hamster.
Benezia looked up at her mother with a pout that was all Shepard.
“You remind me so much of your father.” Liara said softly as she stroked her four-year-old daughter’s face. “She loved him very much, just like you.”
“Aunt Karin made him a top hat because daddy loved him so much!” The little Asari’s eyes lit up as she remembered the memories Liara had shared with her. “Daddy loved fish and models too just like me.”
Liara smiled as she thought of the models she had proudly placed in the study and the fish that happily swam around the Aquarium downstairs.
“Your father was full of so much love and I was very lucky to be loved by her and I know she loved you, she dreamt of you often and would always tell me just how much she loved you.” Liara watched as her daughter smiled up at her. “She loved you even before we wished you into existence, I only wish we’d had more time.”
“Did she know?” Tali asked.
“No, she would never have let me fight.” Liara placed a hand on her visible bump. “But we both wanted this, even if we didn’t know it had worked.”
“She would have locked you in the Normandy.” Tali smiled softly. “But she would have been so happy.”
“She would have, I wish she could have been here with me.” Liara crumbled in front of Tali who wrapped her arms around her.
“I wish we’d had more time too.”
More time?
Liara seemed to have an endless supply of it now the war had ended. She continued to look at her daughter, her and Shepard’s daughter. She made a mental note to see if Hannah would like to visit them soon, see her Granddaughter, and swap stories with Liara.
She stayed until her daughter fell asleep. Carefully, she removed Admiral Squeaker from the bed and walked back to her bedroom, all whilst thinking of her lost love. She returned the honorable Admiral to his cage and watched as he squeaked ran into his hut.
“I’m glad to have you back, I fear I'd be lonely without you in here with me.” Liara said as she undid her robe, revealing what had once been Shepard’s large N7 t-shirt. She carefully removed the dog tags and placed them on her bedside table.
She laid back in bed and looked at the empty space next to her.
“I love you, Shepard.” She whispered into the night as she closed her eyes.
Her dreams were filled with her. They always would be.
Her Commander, her love, her heart.
Always.