Chapter Text
Monuriki Island
A Frost giant came out of the ground freezing everything and everyone in sight before Thor and Hulk dropped down. "Midgard rejects your frozen villainy, Ymir, ice giant of Niflheim."
"The ice will silence you, Thor Odinson."
"Yeah. Less talk, more rock, Goldilocks." Hulk threw a rock at the giant as Thor looked at him
"Speak not to me of battle tactics, Hulk. "I have fought more-!" Thor said before being hit with ice as Shinobi dropped down on Ymir and Iron Man shot him.
"Here's my question: Why is an ice giant on Monuriki island? I mean, it's not really an ice-friendly location, like, say, someplace cold." Iron Man dodged ice before speaking again. "By the way, ice is the perfect weapon because it melts and leaves no evidence. Saw that in a movie, I think. What was that movie? Cap, you know what I'm talking about."
"Stay on task, Iron Man. We need to find that casket before it's opened." Cap replied, blocking ice that was shot at him.
"Eternal winter in a box? Nope, not seeing it. Would a long summer on a stick work?"
"Ymir and the casket of ancient winters are as powerful as they are old, Iron Man. Trifle with them at your peril." Thor said, spinning Mjölnir.
"I'm not trifling, hammer-time. I'm judging. Glacier-to-go may be big, strong, and handy when the fridge breaks, but even popsicles know to stay in the shade. So why is he here? And how did he get here? I don't know. This doesn't add up. Something's off." Iron Man said before being hit by Ymir into the air.
"Cap, I have a visual on the casket. It's in permafrosty's hand."
"You make him drop it, Captain Marvel. I'll recover it." Cap said to Marvel who flew over.
"Operation fumble is a go."
"Time to make some ice scream. Get it? It's a play on words." Hulk smiled as he hit the ground as Iron Man flew down.
"Not bad, Hulk. I mean, for you."
"Snowball, corner pocket." Marvel hit Ymir, having him drop the chest as the others attacked with Hulk punching him across the beach.
Naruto jumped up and saw a green beam hit the sky. "Guys, Loki!"
"I'm trying to remember all the positives of a big hole in the sky. Nope. There are none." Iron Man said as Ymir froze Cap.
Naruto ran over with a Rasengan in hand and hit him away as Cap broke out while the portal started sucking air before pulling Ymir in and disappearing.
Loki.
Loki paced in an ice cave as he and Ymir bickered about losing the casket before Ymir stood for a new plan and created a picture of a man dressed in red with white hair and a beard.
"I tell the tale of Jolnir."
"Oh, stop. I've heard this tale. Jolnir. is a silly legend. His kind and generous winter antics are a fairy tale to amuse Asgardian children and gullible frost giants. It's utter nonsense." Loki waved him off.
"No. Jolnir. is nearly as ancient as I am, and just as real. Part frost giant, part elf, Jolnir was born with immense power. But instead of using that power to rule, he squandered it on helping those too young and weak to help themselves… Children. Today, Jolnir is better known as Santa Claus. And each winter, he brings gifts to all the children of the nine worlds in one night. Such a monumental feat is impossible to all but him. Such power. And if we could harness that power, none on earth could resist."
"Yes, I am well aware of Santa Claus. Santa Claus. is beloved, and celebrated. Songs are sung in his name. Hmm? Using him to dominate the very beings that adore him… Well, that is just too devious to resist. I guess there's more to you than snow and ice, after all, Ymir. But where will we find him?"
"If the stories are true, he makes his home in Alfheim, home of the light elves," Ymir exclaimed as Loki sighed.
"Ugh, elves. Of course. I should've known. But if he's as powerful as you say, how could we usurp that power?"
"We lost one casket. But there is another, the casket of ancient powers. It can transfer even the greatest abilities from one being to another." Ymir said creating an image of a helmet-shaped casket. "And, like Jolnir, it too resides in Alfheim."
"A new path. Misinformation and a reward should flush Jolnir into the open while we seek the casket of ancient powers. If no one else finds him, we will." Loki smiled at that.
"And then we will claim his power."
"Yes. The hunt is on for Santa Claus. But first, a distraction for our heroic friends." Loki created a portal and walked through before seeing a stegosaurus and turned into another dinosaur.
Avengers Tower,
"What's the emergency? Please tell me Loki didn't steal back that icebox."
Marvel asked after they got back from fighting a large dinosaur in the city. "No. We believe Loki has moved on to a far more sinister plan." Cap said beside Thor who looked over.
"'We' is an overstatement."
"Let's look at the facts. Tony, the lizard attacked. Is there some footage you can-" Cap stopped as video of the attack came up.
"Boom. F.R.I.D.A.Y."
"We know a creature attacked the city today, and we know that despite its size and strength, we defeated it easily. Too easily. Thor and I believe-"
"Uh, he believes. I, less so." Thor spoke up at that.
"That Loki sent the creature to distract us from his true scheme, which Thor discovered while in Asgard. Thor?"
"I thought it less of a scheme and more a jest. Loki accuses someone of false crimes and offers a great reward for his Capture. Loki's target has many names. In Asgard, he is Jolnir. Here, he is known as Santa Claus." Thor said having an image of Santa with a bounty come up and having him and Iron Man laugh.
"Whoo! A Santa bounty. Too funny. Really? Just Thor and me? Come on. You can't be serious."
"Don't I look serious?" Cap asked, crossing his arms.
"Sure. But you always look like that."
"For good reason. It may sound funny, but Santa Claus. is no joke.
"No? F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you walk us through the physics of Santa? The simple version.
"It would be my pleasure." The A.I. said bringing up a graph and hologram of Santa's deliveries. "For simplicity, we'll assume there are two billion children on earth. Using a census average of 3.5 children per home, that's 571 million homes for Santa to visit in only one day, or 31 hours, accounting for time zones and the earth's rotation. This would require Santa to visit 5,116.5 houses per second while traveling at 4,043 miles per second between stops. Now, the sheer volume of pres-"
"That's enough, F.R.I.D.A.Y. Point is, it's impossible. But I knew that as a kid. Not that it takes a genius to figure out this scam is impossible." Iron Man said as Naruto walked up.
"I've learned not to underestimate the impossible… Besides won't stop alien bounty hunters when seeing a Santa Claus is an Earth thing they'll come here attacking looking for the bounty. Santa doesn't have to be real for Loki to have invasions happen for the money. Or hell we just beat a guy who had a gauntlet that can control space and time… You really think Santa doesn't have a power or device to freeze time when one side of the Earth is asleep?"
"Loki could use the casket of ancient powers to claim Jolnir's power. Both are said to be in Alfheim. But this has gone too far. Jolnir is just a legend, a myth." Thor said as Marvel smiled at him.
"Kind of like you, Thor from Asgard?"
"Fine. Maybe this guy's Thor's cousin. But he's not Santa, because there is no Santa. I'll take a trip to prove I'm right." Iron Man spoke, crossing his arms. "Let's go to Alfheim."
"Heimdall won't open the Bifrost to mortals for such folly, nor should he."
"No problem. We don't need your rainbow bridge when we've got my dimensional gateway transporter bridge thingamajig. I'm still working on the name." Iron Man said flying to a gate.
"This is a fool's errand," Thor said as everyone walked to the gate.
"So stay here. Someone has to work on plan B: Doing Santa's job if something goes wrong. You can do that with Hulk."
"I saw a movie like this," Naruto said as the circular gate turned on creating a portal.
Alfheim.
"Wait. Are those cookie trees?"
Marvel asked looking at the cookies on trees and candy cane ones as well. Right before multiple arrows hit the ground around them. They looked up to see men in armor aiming at them with arrows.
"See? Safe and sound. Sure, there's an army of angry Archer elves targeting us, but we get souvenir glow arrows. That's a win in my book." Iron Man said as a man walked up to them holding a sword.
"I am Malitri, Captain of the Emerald Guard. You will release Commander Athidel by the count of three. One-!"
"Wait a second. We don't have this commander." Cap said as Iron Man walked up to Malitri.
"Cap, let me handle this." He said before looking at the man. "Forsooth, good Malitrio, light elf of the light elves. We know not of whence hence you speak. We instead seek to query you on a quandary most dire." Several arrows hit the ground at that.
"Your mockery is a path that leads only to woe, armored interloper, for you.
"No, no, my spritely comrade. Your pointy-eth ears have, hath mistrewn-eth the words coming from my-mine yon lips, and… Look, ear-kabobs, fancy talk isn't my thing. But you'd love my pal Thor. Why didn't we bring Thor again? This is right in his wheelhouse."
"I grow weary of this one's prattle. Dispatch him."
The group then started fighting before Marvel shot a beam creating a large explosion stopping the fight. "Whoa. Let's start over. We're here to protect Santa Claus. You call him Jolnir."
"The emerald guard protects Jolnir. We do not require the help of outlanders."
"The point is the same team. The other team, Loki and Ymir. They have a head start."
"Loki and Ymir are a most treacherous threat. A threat we are more than able to counter on our own.
"I believe you," Naruto said, walking up. "It's not like your commander is missing or anything. Loki and Ymir. maybe use your commander to find the casket of ancient powers. If so, we need to work together and get there first."
"Why would we trust outlanders?"
"Because Santa's safety is at risk." Naruto shrugged. "And I'm not going to ruin a kid's day."
"Follow us."
Later, they're in an ice cave before Naruto speaks. "Think we'll find the casket before Loki?" He asked as he used his sonar to scan the tunnel. "What happens if they find it first?"
As they walked, the tunnel shook before they ran down to see Loki and Ymir teleport away before facing a tentacle that came up from a bridge the commander used a whistle to calm the monster
Later, the Avengers are walking in a forest and come up to the Emerald Guard. "Halt. Come no closer."
"We have no choice. We need to reach Jolnir before it's too late." Cap said to the guard. "Stand down."
"We're going to help Santa, and I don't mind facing you to do so."
Naruto dashed forward and ran past them before coming to a cottage. Just in time to see it disappear. The guard made their way up before the Commander stopped them and explained Santa was on Earth, the start of his night of giving gifts at the North Pole.
North Pole
"So I'm the only one who finds it convenient that Santa's house vanished right when we found it? This is a prank, and those elf-alikes are in on it."
Iron Man said as he flew, Naruto was on his bike with Cap on another. "Maybe. But we can't take that chance. If Santa is out here, we need to find him before Loki does."
"Unless he doesn't wanna be found. If Santa's the powerhouse they say he is, he could be walking in this winter wonderland with us, and we'd never know." Marvel said as they landed to walk around.
"Another reason why this is pointless, not that we needed another reason."
"Do you have someplace you'd rather be tonight?" Naruto asked as he saw a light ahead of them
"Yes! Don't you?"
"Hey, simmer down, fellas. Landing on the naughty list won't fix this."
"There is no naughty list because there is no Santa."
"There's Santa's house," Naruto said as he saw the house from before.
They walked in to see it was empty before waiting for Santa while all but Naruto gave the Christmas story they remember the most before green energy bolts hit the house. They ran out to see Loki with the Emerald Guard behind him with Ymir behind them. "Where is Jolnir?" Loki asked them "Where is your Santa Claus?"
"Do you really think we'll tell you, Loki?"
"That really would be ideal."
The guard fired at them as Naruto dashed over, creating clones that knocked them out by bashing their heads together as Marvel shot Ymir before Mjölnir came crashing down. "Now, this is a worthy holiday tradition, glorious battle," Thor said, dropping along with Hulk and a sled with a guy dressed like Santa.
"Ho ho ho!"
They turned to see Santa before Loki attacked. Only for him to bat the attack away. "You can control space-time."
"And you can be nice, Loki, but you choose to be naughty. Will you change your ways?"
"Oh, I will change, with your help." Loki pulled the casket, only for Naruto to grab it.
"Yoink!"
Suddenly, Hulk punches Loki into Thor, who spun Mjölnir.
A Week Later Academy.
Naruto was reading reports before hearing Spider-Man, Iron Spider, and Nova talk about Triton who recently joined. "He's all right… Just getting used to the outside world."
Suddenly, the building shook, having run out to see Attilan outside before a hologram of Medusa with glowing eyes came up. "I am Medusa, Queen of the Inhumans. Your time of ruling Earth is at an end humans. S.H.I.E.L.D., you have 24 hours to surrender, or there will be war."
Later, Naruto was walking with Triton and Echo. "Got the plan? I know something's up, and I wouldn't put it past Maximus is behind it,"
"Yeah." Echo nodded as Naruto tossed her a new black metal billy club.
They got to a black Aven-Jet and flew up to the empty city and Naruto and Triton walked into the throne room. And saw Maximus on the throne. "I knew it!" Naruto said before snapping his fingers having Echo appear and head-scissors take down Maximus before using her club to break the crown. She then punched him as the Inhumans walked over as Naruto got to Echo. "Not bad for your first outing."
"It wouldn't be if you called on me more."
"Ah, just making sure you're up for it from the training… You may have a photographic memory, but you still need experience."
"Didn't need it beating your ass."
"I was taking it easy on you!"
Next Morning.
"Thanks."
Naruto said to Iron Man as they locked up an old TV with the face of a man on it. "I noticed the security acting strange and saw Zola's armor locker was open."
"No problem." Iron Man said, crossing his arms. "Hopefully he won't get out again."
"He was messing with a student's armor that caused them to go to the locker." Naruto finished as Arnim cursed them.
Hearing a snore, he turned to see Squirrel Girl sleeping in her bunk with her squirrels. Naruto smiled knowing she sleeps a little more in the winter.
To Be Continued.