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great food, terrible service, 4.4 stars

Summary:

"Wen Kexing, stop sending food to my house. 2 stars because the mapo tofu was good."
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Zhou Zishu receives an unexpected delivery. A story in Yelp reviews.

Notes:

- This fic is partially in Chinese. Hover over the Chinese text (or click, if on mobile) to switch to the English translation!
- The above works only if creator's style is not disabled.

(See the end of the work for more notes and other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

Wen Kitchen

Sichuan cuisine ⋅ $$ ⋅ 4.4 stars

9:00am - 9:30pm


YELP REVIEW:

Ye Baiyi
[4 stars] 05/06/2018

Food’s always great. Service is terrible though. Waitress never gives enough napkins and the chef’s a real hardass. Also portions could be bigger.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
05/07/2018

You’re the delivery driver. You eat here for FREE.


YELP REVIEW:

Deng Pengju
Tianchuang
[1 star] 05/09/2018

Burnt food, missing items, extra $6 on top after a minimum $30 order and $7 for delivery. In total $43 for some dried reheated food, and half my noodles were already eaten by the time I got them. Don't know why this is the highest rated Sichuan restaurant in the area.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
05/09/2018

r u KIDDING ME. u r 8 miles away, placed order 2 mins before we close, tried to ring u to cancel ur order but the number u left was invalid, n u paid already, so we had to work longer for u, that’s fine we accept it, but after 15 mins knocking awake an invalid sick guy at 12:30AM!! excuse me 12:30 in the fucking SNOWY NIGHT, we figured out the address u left: is your ex-boss???’s address, which is another 2 miles away from u, by the time the driver finished it was 1AM…anyway glad to see u left this shit review, which means our driver did not kill u.


YELP REVIEW:

Zhou Xu
[5 stars] 05/11/2018

They accidentally sent some food to my house a few days ago, so the delivery driver told me to come in for a free appetizer. When I arrived I got a bowl of . Then I got a plate of . Then a whole pot of . The chef came out to personally serve the sesame balls dessert. He wouldn’t stop asking for my number, but the whole dinner was free so whatever.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
05/11/2018

Come back and try the rest of the menu ;) I’ll comp it again if you give me your number!


YELP REVIEW:

Zhou Xu
[2 stars] 05/14/2018

Wen Kexing, stop sending food to my house. 2 stars because the mapo tofu was good.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
05/14/2018

But how else can I reach my A-Xu :(


YELP REVIEW:

Zhou Xu
[3 stars] 05/16/2018

Today’s was good but not enough soy sauce.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
05/16/2018

What name did you save my number under? I saved you as “🦋” <3


YELP REVIEW:

Zhang Chengling
[5 stars] 07/09/2018

I’ve worked here for about two months now! Zhou-shushu got me this job! Wen-shushu makes amazing food and sends me home with tons of leftovers for me and Zhou-shushu. It’s hard work, but everyone here works hard and treats me really nicely. 10/10 would recommend for any occasion.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
07/09/2018

u can’t leave reviews if u work here!!! ppl won’t be able to see the legit reviews n they’ll think we made u write this one!!! also go back to washing dishes wtf


YELP REVIEW:

Luo Fumeng
[5 stars] 08/01/2018



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
08/01/2018


YELP REVIEW:

Cao Weining
Food critic, Qingfeng magazine
[5 stars]08/07/2018

Wow. I almost gave up on finding good Sichuan food, but this is the real deal! The mala dishes were perfect, and Chef Wen nailed the non-spicy dishes too! The service was also spectacular. My server Gu Xiang did a fantastic job. You can find my detailed write up at qingfeng.com/food/2018/wen-kitchen-delightful-food.

An embarrassing detail I left out: I forgot my wallet and Zhou-laoban covered my meal, even when I came back and offered to pay! I never even mentioned to him that I was writing this magazine review. What a generous owner!



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
08/07/2018

Don't come back.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
08/07/2018

u can come back if u bring ur wallet.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Zhou Xu
Business Owner
08/07/2018

Thank you for your kind review. Please do feel free to come back for a drink on the house.


YELP REVIEW:

Gao Chong
Yueyang
[5 stars] 08/30/2018

Excellent restaurant. Though the food here has always been spectacular, service has improved dramatically since the last time I visited. Chengling is an extremely polite and knowledgeable waiter. Zhou-laoban runs a good business. I’ll host all get-togethers here from now on.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Zhou Xu
Business Owner
08/30/2018

Thank you for your review.


YELP REVIEW:

Chad Michaels
[1 star] 09/03/2018

Too spicy. I wanted to try something different. Asked for a recommendation and they brought me “beef tripe” that was just dripping with chili oil. I gave up after a few bites and ordered my usual orange chicken. Can’t believe my Chinese friend told me to ask for the secret menu. Just looking at the pictures, the other dishes are similarly unappetizing. Pig’s feet? Fried intestines? Yuck.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
09/03/2018

sorry, we would've made accommodations but u made a point of telling us u weren't a little bitch


YELP REVIEW:

Yu Qiufeng
Huashan
[4 stars] 09/07/2018

The food was pretty good, I guess. I don’t usually eat spicy food, but there was nothing to complain about when I visited. But I came back today and couldn’t find the woman who waited my table yesterday? Liu Qianqiao? Does anyone know how I could get back in touch with her?



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
09/07/2018

1st of all she doesn’t work here. we were short staffed so she came in as a favor. 2nd of all u r out of ur mind if u think i’m giving her shitty ex anything but a lifetime ban?? 3RD OF ALL u rly thought u could leave her a whole 20 cents n ur number for a tip??? get out of here n never come back


YELP REVIEW:

Zhou Xu
Business Owner
[4 stars] 09/08/2018

Definitely better than hospital food. Docked one star because the soup was a bit cold, added the star back because it was delivered to my hospital room, and docked an additional star because the chef hovered over me until I finished. Come on, I survived the surgery, I’m not going to die of hunger. Also, the chef refused to add beer to my order even though I specifically asked for it.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
09/08/2018

I’m coming with two more soups today, and you’re drinking them both if you know what’s good for you.


YELP REVIEW:

Jing Beiyuan
[5 stars] 09/16/2018

Congratulations to Zishu on a successful recovery! I wish he would take a few more days to rest, but I must say the kitchen sounds much calmer now that he’s back. I’ll miss this restaurant when we return to Nanjiang.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
09/16/2018

who the fuck is zishu??

This reply has been removed by the business.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Zhou Zishu
Business Owner
09/16/2018

Safe travels, Beiyuan. Come back with Wu Xi anytime.


YELP REVIEW:

Han Ying
Tianchuang
[5 stars]09/16/2018

This restaurant is superb. Zhou- puts his best into everything he does, even retirement.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Zhou Zishu
Business Owner
09/16/2018

It was good to see you again, Han Ying. Come back soon. Don’t even try to pay for your meal next time.


YELP REVIEW:

Feng Xiaofeng
[1 star]10/01/2018

horrible

came here with my friend and the service was rude from the minute we sat down

a waitress started a fight with us for no reason and the owner broke a chair on my friend’s head

i’m never coming back and you’d better not go to this place either



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Zhou Zishu
Business Owner
10/01/2018

You harassed your server and didn’t stop after multiple warnings. Then your friend tried to punch our other server. You’re certainly never coming back because I’ll break something else the next time you try.


YELP REVIEW:

Zhou Zishu
Business Owner
[4 stars]04/02/2019

This restaurant has its ups and downs. I eat well, but the chef propositions me every single day. Yesterday he proposed to me right before closing when my hands were covered in soap and leftover food. I think we need an HR department.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Gu Xiang
Business Owner
04/02/2019

ok but u said yes so stop clogging up our reviews



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
04/02/2019

Only 4 stars?? I’ll sell my body if you make it 5 ;)

This response has been removed for offering illegal services and attempting to influence the integrity of the review.

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Four Seasons Manor

Sichuan cuisine ⋅ $$ ⋅ 4.9 stars

9:00am - 9:30pm


YELP REVIEW:

Cao Weining
Food critic, Qingfeng magazine
[5 stars] 05/06/2020

Almost two years after my first review, Four Seasons Manor catered our wedding. It’s hard to describe what a feat it was to make enough delicious food for a hundred people and keep it hot until we could serve it. This restaurant has been here for nearly ten years and it will never, ever disappoint!! Thank you Wen-shu and Zhou-shu!!



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Zhou Zishu
Business Owner
05/06/2020

Xiao Cao, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon.



YELP REVIEW REPLY:

Wen Kexing
Business Owner
05/06/2020

You can forget about ever eating here again if I hear that you spent the whole trip on your phone!


YELP REVIEW:

Gao Xiaolian
[5 stars] 05/23/2039

I celebrated so many milestones here that it’s a little sad to hear the owners are retiring to travel the world. But it’s in great hands with A-Xiang and Chengling. I’ve even heard rumors that they’ll open up a second location on the other side of town. Here’s to another thirty years!

Notes:

This fic was inspired by the following review.

Thank you to yuer and hazel for coming up with the original idea with me, thank you to bun, hazel, and yuer for being the most amazing beta readers/editors/cheerleaders, and thank you to rie for the concept of Sichuan chef Wen Kexing <3 <3 <3

Extra EXTRA thanks to bun for thinking of the title.

Thank you finally to my favorite 川菜 chef xj, who gave me way too much free food.

This work uses kiwiana's Yelp review skin.

Retweetable here!