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Dazai stood atop of the cliff with a tired expression on his face. He was not going to jump, even though the thought appeared to be as tempting as a plate of freshly baked cookies.
He just wanted to breathe in the fresh air of freedom, knowing that soon even this was going to become a luxury for him.
It was quite a pathetic sight, the youngest son of the respectable Tsushima household, was on the verge of plunging into the waiting arms of Lady Death.
(Though with their current financial crisis they were certainly not going to stay in the noble league for much longer.)
The only thing stopping him was his mother’s face as she begged him to consider doing this marriage to save their family from landing on the streets. After his father died, he left behind a myriad of debts that was simply impossible for his elder brother and mother to fulfill.
Therefore, when they got a marriage proposal for Dazai from the Verlaine family they just could not refuse.
It had been quite a wonderful surprise for them and for the young eighteen-year-old brunet it somehow felt like a prison sentence.
Apparently, the heir to the Verlaine fortune had liked him after seeing him somewhere and was interested to marry him.
Dazai just knew bits and pieces about this nouveau riche family. Not complete details only the bare minimum, that this family had suddenly acquired vast amounts of wealth after they made good profit overseas and had risen to the status of nobility.
According to rumors at taverns and places where no nobleman should go, he had heard that apparently, they had a young flamboyant son who was known to have a quick temper and was too vain.
Dazai did not even know the name of the person or how he looked like. But he had developed an instant dislike against him.
The way the letter was addressed to him, it appeared as if the man wanted Dazai to be grateful that he had been liked by him.
Dazai hated those nobles who were too proud of themselves and thought they were entitled to everything in the world. Even people.
‘And soon I will have to marry him.’ He scrunched up his nose in disgust.
He had no idea how this young heir of the Rimbaud family had even come to know about him in the first place or why he fancied him because Dazai did not even attend many parties and if he did he would be brooding at a silent corner hissing at anyone who tried to rake a conversation with him.
And certainly, none of the members of the nobility would recognize him from the ADA theatre company, because most of them went to watch expensive operas and plays in the Port Theatre. The ADA was only for the lower classes.
Ah! Acting was the only thing that would make his life bearable. He enjoyed the small crew and the roles he would have to portray.
He had kept his hobby hidden from the rest of the family but eventually, his father did find out and had berated him for squashing their reputation by working in such a lowly place (even though he did not use the Tsushima name in the ADA.)
The resounding slap his drunkard of a father had given him still rings in his ears.
However, his father had not been able to stop him from going to the theatre where Dazai took complete advantage of his androgynous figure by playing both male and female roles. The pay was not superb but he never acted for money. It was all for the sake of investing in his passion.
The rest of the family did not know about his scandalous pursuits because his father had not revealed it to them fearing for his poor mothers’ mental health.
(He never thought about her mental health when he had his trysts with countless ladies.)
However, he was sure it would be nigh impossible for him to pursue his hobby once he was married off to the Verlaines' whose control over the city was fairly more strong than his merchant fathers’.
They would definitely stop him and force him to act like a doting husband and deck him like a decoration piece.
For the sake of protecting the reputation of his family, he would have to surrender his power of choice and marry this bloke.
‘Are you planning to jump?’
An amused voice asked from behind him and he did not even bother to turn back, too annoyed with everything.
‘What is it to you?’ He snapped.
‘Nothing…..Just if you want to jump you should probably do it quickly, because you are sort of ruining the view of the ravine.’
Dazai's mouth opened wide in surprise.
How unemotional can the person be to not stop someone standing in the jaws of death?
(He was going to disregard the fact that he had no intention of jumping.)
He was about to snipe back something but as soon as he turned around, his leg slipped.
Letting out a shriek of terror he clutched onto a small lone branch that was growing out of the cliffside.
He was unable to pick himself up or even move and was left dangling his feet in the air. He saw his scarf fall down the ravine and get lost forever.
‘Here.’ The earlier voice said and Dazai found it belonged to a man with azure eyes and delectably styled orange hair, topped with casual clothes mostly worn by the gentry.
The man had extended his hand towards Dazai and the brunet moved his shaking fingers towards the person’s palm while the other held onto the branch.
‘Calm down.’ The man said in a comforting voice and immediately Dazai felt a soothing balm nurse his overworked nerves. He stopped flailing and the man held onto his hand.
‘I am going to pull you up, alright?’ The man asked and Dazai just dumbly nodded his head.
The man pulled him up slowly and carefully. Soon Dazai was no longer hanging from the branch, instead, he was on the tip of the cliff once again, panting profusely.
The man chuckled ‘So… you didn’t want to jump, did you?’
Dazai tried to glare at the man who was sitting away from him, with his hands on his knees. However, he was too exhausted and just crawled away slightly from the cliff. He stood up weakly on his legs.
‘Stop assuming things for yourself, goldilocks.’
He hoped it would annoy the man instead he just smirked raising his head.
‘Ah! Didn’t know you found me so beautiful that you would compare me to a good-looking fairytale character. Color me impressed.’
Dazai felt his cheeks heat up in anger and embarrassment. This man had to be the most aggravating person he ever had the misfortune of meeting.
‘Oh…Shut up.’ He almost whined and sat down with a plop on the ground.
‘So, what got your knickers into a twist, princess?’
Dazai was quite annoyed at himself for having a deep blush on his cheeks due to that statement.
‘I am not a princess.’
The man had the audacity to look at him with disbelief.
‘Considering the fact, that I rescued you from imminent death when you screamed like a damsel in distress, I would say that you surely fit the role of a princess.’
Dazai felt his heart speed up in his chest each time the man called him princess.
It was not that he was unused to compliments. He had had his own set of wooers from whom he had received numerous praises. But there was something different to this man’s voice.
He sounded genuine which pulled at Dazai’s heartstrings. In this world of deceit, it was hard to find one honest person and he felt the honesty cascade out of every feature of this man.
Dazai wished he could be as candid as the man, then this heaviness within him would ebb away.
He just humped and pulled his knees closer to his chin.
‘So….Care to say what is a nice refined nobleman like yourself doing, jumping from a cliff?’
Dazai stared away ‘I am to get married to a person I never met.’
There was a silence for some time before the man spoke in a quiet voice.
‘So….You don’t like him?’
Dazai sighed ‘I don’t even know him. Apparently, he fell in love with me at just a glance.’
‘I don’t blame him.’ The brunet snapped his head to stare at the man who just cocked his head and smirked ‘Princess.’
Dazai suddenly lost his sliver tongue and was left flabbergasted. A part of him wanted to run away from the intimidating gaze of the man while the other part just wanted to hear him speak ‘Princess’ in the raspy voice a few more times.
‘Stop it. This is inappropriate.’ He grumbled trying to somehow make himself small.
The man chuckled ‘Fine. Who knew it is so easy to make you blush?!’
Then at Dazai’s glare, the man acquiesced and asked with a smile.
‘So…In all honesty, what do you think about the man you are to marry?’
Dazai looked at his fingers ‘I have heard that he is too pompous and loves blowing his trumpet. I don’t adjust well to people like that.’
There was a minute rise of tension in the air and Dazai did not know what spurred it. He peered at the man who seemed to tighten his fist and there was an angry glimmer in his eyes.
‘Are you okay?’ Dazai asked in a concerned voice.
Immediately the tension disappeared and the man gave him a small smile.
‘I am sure if you get to know him, you will see that he is not so vainglorious.’
Dazai snorted.
‘I highly doubt that…’
The man abruptly interrupted him ‘You cannot judge someone without knowing him. Maybe he suffers from certain internal dilemma and his actions are influenced by that.’
Dazai squinted his eyes ‘You appear oddly defensive of him. Do you even know who I am talking about?’
That gave rise to a guilty expression on the man’s face. ‘Well, I don’t…..I am just guessing. With that aside…’ Once more the man stared at Dazai, the aura around him beseeched in intimidation
‘I think I have seen you somewhere. Do you by any chance work in the ADA theatre company?’
Dazai became completely still in his place and he started sweating nervously. He always acted using the pseudonym of Dazai Osamu, so that no one from the audience could find out that he belonged to the Tsushima household.
But it looks like he had been discovered despite trying to remain secretive. He did not want to deal with the repercussions of that. The last thing he needed at the moment was causing more stress for his newly widowed mother.
‘It isn’t…You must have me mistaken with someone. I would never stoop so low as to act in a measly theatre.’ He tried to defend himself weakly.
The man chuckled ‘I am sure I won’t forget Juliet once I saw him.’
Dazai abruptly got up. ‘I should go.’
Immediately he felt a hand clasp around his wrist and cerulean orbs had a pleading expression to them.
‘I admired your acting. It was one of the best performances I have seen in a long time.’
The initial fear the brunet had felt disappeared. Instead of criticizing him for playing the role of a woman, this man was complimenting his acting. It was something unexpected.
With a bashful smile, he said, ‘Thank you.’
Silence permeated around them as Dazai found himself getting lost in the magnanimity of eyes as peaceful and gorgeous as the blue orbs.
The man broke away his gaze with a slightly embarrassed look.
‘I am sorry. You are a taken man.’
Dazai’s expression dropped and he removed his wrist from the loose grip.
‘I will see you around.’
The man's expression contoured into a happy face.
‘You surely will, princess.’
…………….
Dazai did not particularly have a dislike against being decked up but he surely had no interest in dressing up to impress someone. But that is exactly what his mother had done to him before they set out for tea in the Verlaine household.
The brunet huffed as he fanned himself because he was sweating in his tight suit. His face had been laded with much more make-up than he wore in the theatre which he believed was completely unnecessary.
His mother was giving him a tirade of instructions about how he should behave, what cutlery he should use while eating, what songs he should sing on the piano and Dazai was inwardly screaming at her for brandishing him like a toy.
‘Are we there yet?’ He asked her for the umpteenth time and she just rolled her eyes at him.
‘It is not too further away, Shuji. You shouldn’t be so impatient.’
Finally, his temper flew off the handle.
‘Maybe if you did not spend so much time fussing over me, you could have stopped father from gambling away his money. Then we wouldn’t have landed in this predicament.’
Dazai retorted, tired and exhausted with his life. It was certainly not a good decision because soon tears flooded in his mother’s eyes. His brother gave him a distasteful look.
‘I am sorry…Just please stop with all your instructions, mother. Please.’
That seemed to placate his mother because immediately her tears stopped and she nodded her head. Though, Dazai knew better than to believe that his mother’s emotional blackmailing was over.
He stared at the passing scenery and could not help the way his mind went back to the man who saved him from the cliff. He had said that he had no belief for such things as love at first sight, but he could not stop the way his heat desired to hear the man’s voice or see him once again.
He had been sure that the man would mock him for playing the role of a female character, but instead, he had seen past the societal roles and identified the actor within him. It was hard to come across people like that.
People who were so accepting in this society which tried to engineer individuals according to a particular framework. He wished to know more about his nameless savior.
‘We are here.’ His mother chirped and he steeled himself for disappointment.
The door of the carriage opened and he shifted his head to give a saccharine smile to whoever was standing at the door to take his hand.
However, he was quite befuddled to find the man from yesterday looking at him like a smitten puppy with a boyish smile on his face.
‘We meet again, Dazai Osamu.’
The brunet was nudged by his brother and he placed his hand to the offered palm of the man, who kissed it.
‘You…Were.’
He was getting quite overwhelmed with the events that were unfolding in front of him. Events on which he had no control.
‘Nakahara-Verlaine Chuuya.’
He said as he began leading Dazai into his exotic mansion which was made of marble and had a quite spectacular garden.
Other helpers were leading his mother and brother inside the mansion.
Dazai would have been able to appreciate the anachronistic mansion but an overpowering rage was taking root inside of him.
‘Fathers..’ Chuuya began as they came upon a large room which lay at the foot of the curved banisters.
Two people were waiting for them whilst seated on luxurious seats. A tray was placed on the table in front of them which consisted of a small teapot, cookies, and several teacups.
One was a man with large black hair and a kind smile on his face, the other was a man with vibrant orange hair just like Chuuya’s. He had a chivalrous smirk on his face.
‘This is Tsushima Shuji…The one I wish to marry.’
And that was when Dazai forcibly removed his wrist from Chuuya and spoke to him in a vexed tone.
‘You lied to me.’
Chuuya seemed perplexed and his smile was breaking.
‘No, I did not.’
Dazai moved away from him ‘Yes you did. You did not reveal your identity to me yesterday. Instead you just…..Made me reveal my innermost emotions. And tried manipulating me so that I can develop emotions for someone like you. How can you play with me like that?’
Chuuya stepped towards him while everyone else remained silent spectators.
‘No…I just wanted to know you….whether your inside was as pretty as your outside and now I know it is indeed more beautiful.’
Dazai snorted ‘So you wanted to see whether I was a gold digger? But..’ He raised his hand to stop Chuuya from speaking ‘The truth is that you are an entitled brat who thinks that he can buy people with his wealth.’
‘No…Dazai…I don’t.’ The man began but Dazai was not interested in him.
He faced the hosts apart from Chuuya, with an apologetic smile.
‘I am sorry Sir but I will have to refuse your son’s proposal of marriage.’
Saying that he walked out of the place despite his mother’s expression turning frantic and his brother visibly trying to control his desire to grab and drag him back for the sake of public decency.
The hosts looking befuddled, and Chuuya was clenching his jaw so hard that it could draw blood.
…………
It had been almost a week since that spectacle. His mother had refused to even look at him while his brother had given him a black eye. Though, he hardly stayed inside his home any longer, spending most of his time either roaming around or in the theatre.
(He was sure that sooner rather than later he would be disowned but he was beyond the point of caring.)
It was strange.
Earlier he had wanted to see Chuuya once again and had been infatuated with him despite being engaged to someone.
But now, that he found out Chuuya was the rich and vain heir he was engaged to, a corrupting dislike for the ginger spread inside of him.
However, a part of him wished to just hear ‘princess’ from him once again and he wanted to subdue that part under a pile of mortification.
‘Dazai-san…’ A young white-haired boy called as he stepped out of the door of the rickety theatre.
The ADA had been preparing for a new play and they had the script reading that day. Dazai had gotten the role of a grandiose young man that liked to flirt with everyone but had a darker side to him.
‘Yes…Atsushi-Kun?’ He asked as he kept aside his copy of the script.
The boy mumbled ‘I was going to meet Kyouka-chan for a meal of ochazuke. Do you want to come?’
Dazai shook his head, ‘You go on ahead.’
The boy went away after waving goodbye to him. Dazai remained where he was, lost in his thoughts. The theatre was empty because most people had already left for their afternoon lunch while the brunet had a record of only eating lunch when absolutely necessary.
The creaking sound of the door to the backroom made him raise his head and he became frozen where he sat.
Chuuya was standing there, but there was something different about the man in orange locks and sea-blue eyes.
He was dressed exactly like Romeo!
‘What lady is that, which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight?’ He spoke (tried to speak), in a besotted manner but Dazai just felt laughter bubble up inside of him which he quenched with a mocking smile.
Chuuya, could not read the signs of the room whatsoever, because he stepped inside and started approaching Dazai, who just cocked his head at him in a challenging manner.
‘If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips…’ At that moment, Chuuya stopped and quickly took out a piece of paper but before he could continue with his quite poor acting skills, Dazai stopped him.
‘What are you doing here, Verlaine-san?’
Chuuya immediately put back the sheet in the pocket of his pants.
‘I would like to be called Nakahara-san.’
‘Well, then. What made you come here, Nakahara-san?’ Dazai reiterated in a bored manner, even though his heart was thrumming with excitement.
‘You insulted my parents the last time you stepped in my house.’ And like that Dazai’s excitement vanished leaving behind a vessel with almost no emotions.
‘So you want me to apologize to them?’ He raised his brow.
‘Yes. You behaved in the most disreputable and prudent manner.’ Chuuya crossed his hands in front of his chest.
Dazai touched his finger on his chin with a thoughtful expression ‘Methinks not.’
At Chuuya’s stunned expression, he continued ‘You did not give a damn about my honor trying to buy me and expecting me to be grateful about it. But I am not like the other people who fall at your feet at a drop of hat. Money has never interested me and I detest people who act as presumptuous fools that are used to getting their own way in every walk of life, even dealing with something as pure as emotions.’
Chuuya’s face hardened but Dazai continued unabashedly
‘Therefore, I am not going to apologize to them because the apology should start from.’ He pointed his finger at Chuuya ‘You.’
There was a whole range of expression passing through Chuuya’s face and Dazai had had enough with this altercation, that had crushed his hopes. He got up from his seat and was about to leave when Chuuya spoke up, once again.
‘I was an orphan in the streets until a year back.’
Now it was Dazai’s turn to be slack-jawed. Chuuya sat down on the table, near the chair on which Dazai was earlier seated. The brunet slowly occupied his previous seat with an inquisitive look.
‘I…I used to stay in the alley near this theatre and sometimes would sleep on the roof. It was during then that I saw you.’ Chuuya stared at Dazai and the intimidating aura had been replaced by a quiet yearning look.
‘I admired you from afar because I knew you were too sacred for someone as profane as me. You seemed like the forbidden fruit which would certainly lead to my ruin but I liked you or more correctly I loved you. So, it didn’t really matter.’
Chuuya had not even moved from his earlier position yet Dazai felt like the distance between them had reduced.
‘You…helped me survive those days on streets. I would always ensure that I had the seat in the front row so that I could see you. And every time you would mesmerize me with your acting skills.’
Dazai felt a deep flush overtake his features softening the hard lines but Chuuya carried on with a nostalgic smile
‘I fell in love with the hero who fought a monster to protect his town, with the princess trapped in the tower, with the hero who marched into the underworld and with….Juliet. All because of you.’
Somehow Dazai wished his bangs were longer so that he could hide his reddened face behind them.
‘Then….Verlaine caught me one day trying to pickpocket him and gave me food.’ Chuuya had a fond smile on his face.
‘He then took a certain liking towards me…I guess it was the hair…because he took me back to his home. Rimbaud accepted me with open arms and since then they started treating me as one of their own and made a street runt like me their heir. It was an entirely hush-hush affair and not many people know about it.’
Dazai did not know when his hand had landed upon Chuuya’s knee but the ginger noticed this, as he seized the hand.
‘Dazai…..I don’t know how to act like a nobleman. It is all too much for me, so sometimes I might come across as someone who is too proud of himself. I just am desperate to fit in….I am sorry if my manners offended you.’
The brunet was too shell-shocked to speak. Knowing that his acting had saved a soul from trying to end his life made him overwhelmed with emotions he did not…..could not process.
‘I have always desired you. I might even have followed you to your house one day.’ Dazai facepalmed with his other hand while Chuuya gave a nervous chuckle. ‘It was only once I swear.’
Then he stared at Dazai, expression exuding in determination.
‘But I wanted to be someone deserving of you, which is why I never approached you then.
After Rimbaud took me in, I tried very hard to become the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with. But…I might have gone about, professing my love to you in the wrong way and did not respect your feelings. I am sorry.’
Dazai gave a small smile at that ‘It was the wrong way. You could have just asked me. But....I forgive you.’ The heartfelt grin on Chuuya's face made the brunet happy about himself.
‘I guess, despite becoming a nobleman I am still too scared of being rejected.’ Chuuya shrugged his shoulders. ‘But I am not afraid anymore. So…’ He suddenly sprang up from his seat and kneeled in front of Dazai, not letting go of his hand.
‘Would you marry me, Dazai Osamu?’ The heir asked with hopeful eyes and Dazai giggled ‘Let us get to know each other, first.’
Chuuya smiled sheepishly ‘But I already know you enough to know that you are the one, with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life. However….I will wait for your answer, Princess. No matter how long it takes.’
Dazai almost forgot how to breathe because he knew Chuuya was not lying.
He never expected anyone to be so serious about him. He was the black sheep of the family never quite fitting into the noble society.
(Maybe he and Chuuya were just a pair of misfits who had found each other.)
‘Why, Chuuya? What is so special about me?’ He asked in disbelief.
‘You make me want to be good.’ Chuuya said as he slowly dropped his hand and started to walk away with the smile of a boy who had just confessed to his first crush.
‘I hope one day I can say the same about you, Chuuya.’ A mirthful smile was etched on Dazai’s face and he felt he could see the light at the end of the dark tunnel.