Chapter Text
The meeting in the park was scheduled for a couple of weeks after the phone call Ben had taken. He had called Sarah back the minute he was awake the following morning to confirm that Callum had agreed with everything he had said. She agreed that the park with Diva was a good idea and so they found themselves waiting in the park standing hand in hand, both terrified.
The park had many special memories for them. It was the first place that they had been together, an anniversary they never forgot; it was where they played with Lexi; it was where they had looked at those stars and wished for the moment that was rapidly approaching. Callum had stood in the queue at the kiosk and they were now holding onto warm drinks desperately trying to hide the shivering. Neither of them knew if they were shivering from the cold or from nerves. It was impossible to tell. It was surprisingly busy at the park for a crisp November and Callum was just extremely thankful that the rain had decided to hold off. The meeting would literally be for a few minutes. They would essentially get a quick glimpse of the kids and they’d be gone. It felt odd to be doing it this way but both of them knew that the kids needed to be introduced slowly to the situation. Sarah had told them that she would be accompanying the foster family to the park so at least they knew who they were looking for.
Callum threw the ball across the park and Diva enjoyed running after it until she found a stick that was more interesting. It was almost larger than her but there was no way she was going to be beaten by that. She proudly carried it around narrowly missing hitting people’s legs with it and Callum smiled thinking about how much she had changed since being with them: how much she had come out of her shell. No more was the little shy dog cowering in the corner. Now she was as brazen as the day was long: a proper little Diva. And she completely fitted in their family. Both Ben and Callum had been the same. Both in situations where they weren’t able to be themselves but now that they were, they had blossomed. Callum knew that they would make the perfect family for the two children they were about to meet.
Ben, on the other hand, was much more nervous. It was lovely for him to watch Callum playing with Diva and he was both glad and frustrated about it. Glad because he knew Callum had found a sense of calm; frustrated because he now didn’t have a reason to stay calm himself. And that was letting the insecurities creep back in. He knew that he was being ridiculous. Two very small children couldn’t possibly make such judgements on him but it didn’t keep him from worrying. He just wanted everything to be perfect. For Callum. So many times he had ruined things for Callum: his police interview (and subsequently nearly his job several times); their first Christmas together; their wedding day. And whilst Callum had said that all those things didn’t matter and made them who they were, he still couldn’t help but wish he’d chosen the path they were on now a hell of a lot sooner.
From a distance, Ben noticed Callum freeze and followed his gaze to the far side of the park. Walking past the tea hut was Sarah and a couple with a buggy. His breath caught in his throat as he willed himself not to look. He knew the minute he clapped eyes on the children that would be it. He was terrified to get his hopes up. Callum returned to Ben having put Diva back on her lead and took his hand. “Come on handsome, let’s do this.” He beamed as he lead them towards the group. The nearer they got, the tighter Ben gripped to his husband’s hand. He wasn’t used to this. He was always the one doing the reassuring but he equally knew how strong his husband was. The amount of times he had stood up to Phil; what he had done with DI Dickhead (the name they had affectionately come to call Thompson); the way he fought for them. Callum was so much stronger than most people thought.
They neared the bench that Sarah had led the family to and Callum was thankful they had chosen a different bench. As much as it was a bench of memories, he couldn’t cope with a very different type of first also taking place there. “Hi Ben, Callum. How are you?” Sarah smiled and both of the husbands relaxed a little. They were very familiar with her now.
“Great thanks.” Ben smiled putting on his bravest face and extending his hand to the older couple in front of him as Callum did the same. He couldn’t help but notice that Callum too hadn’t yet looked down. The precious tiny humans now just feet away from them seemed all to good to be true and neither could dare to look.
“This is Alba,” Sarah gestured to the tiny little girl, “and this is Blake.” Inside the double buggy was a tiny baby completely snuggled up in a snow suit so big that you could barely see him. Just the tip of his button nose poked out. He was fast asleep. Next to him sat his older sister. She too was dressed in a think warm coat and had on a woolly hat that just showed a blonde ringlet desperate to escape. The little girl looked up at them and smiled before looking away to Diva and other more interesting things in the park. Callum thought he might just burst as he gripped on to Ben’s hand. Right there in front of him were their children. He just knew it. He didn’t need any more time. He just wanted to scoop them up and take them home.
From his pocket Ben produced two small bears both beautifully coloured with all the colours of the rainbow. He motioned to hand them to Sarah or the foster parents, not knowing what he should do but Sarah stopped him. “It’s ok. You can give them yourselves.” She smiled softly at them. Callum watched in awe as his husband gently placed one near beside Blake’s head, careful not to wake him and then he bent down to Alba.
“There you go sweetheart.” He smiled as he passed it over and stood back up. She looked up at him, then to Callum and back to the bear. Both of their eyes filled with tears as she squished the bear into her face. It had clearly been accepted. Ben grabbed Callum’s hand again and together they stood smiling at the beautiful pair in front of them. The meeting lasted a few minutes and they were heading away again. It was short but very sweet and confirmed everything for Ben and Callum. They were meant to be with those children.
**********
Another couple of random “bump into” meetings later and Ben found himself once again pacing in the living room. Today was the day they properly “met” the children. Although they had seen them in the park as few times now they still hadn’t really had any kind of time with them. This time they were going to the foster family’s house. The social workers would be there too along with the overall team manager. So many people to witness the precious first moments with their new children. It was hard not to feel like another one of their moments was being intruded on. After the birth of a baby, the new parents are often left alone to have time as a family. This first meeting would be under the watchful eye of at least five other people. Again they understood why but it didn’t make the process any easier to handle. Once Callum had finally tried on and taken off every outfit in the wardrobe, he settled on a blue sweatshirt and jeans. So simple. And yet absolutely bloody gorgeous. He made Ben weak at the knees and momentarily he had to remind himself that they really did have to go out and had no time to get “undressed” again.
The car journey was one of relative silence. Both caught up in the emotions of what lay ahead of them. Ben, as usual, trapped in thoughts of his past. Of how he had never had a dad to look up to. His own dad had never been there for him and Gavin hadn’t shown him any fatherly affection either for the time he was in South Africa. Ian had tried to help when he came back but their relationship had become so fractured over the past years he didn’t value it either. He really had no male figure in his life to look up to. He’d done his best and had finally got to a point in his life where it didn’t matter but he still worried that he wouldn’t be able to do a good job. Lexi was an exception to all of his thoughts. Lola had done such a brilliant job and a lot of it was without him. He couldn’t take the credit no matter how hard Callum or anyone else tried to tell him otherwise. This was very different. It would be him and Callum from day one. He looked over to the passenger seat where Callum was sitting staring into space. He half wondered, half thought he knew what was running through his husband’s mind and wished he could make it better. Gently he took his hand off the steering wheel and squeezed his leg.
“It’s gonna be ok babe,” he smiled gently, “we’re going to be fine.” Callum smiled at Ben. He knew that it was true but he was just so worried that he didn’t know how to be a dad. Lexi was practically grown up (sometimes even more so than them) and he really hadn’t had much experience with little ones. For a while at the Carter’s he had helped with Ollie but he really felt it didn’t count. His own dad would quite possibly not have cared if he’d died when he was in the army. In fact he might have been happy about that because at least then he’d have been able to brag about how “manly” his son was. Stuart was still struggling going through surrogacy with Rainie and although they had Abi, they didn’t have a huge amount to do with her actual upbringing. He tried to be a good uncle but it was hard. In short, he was terrified.
Ben parked the car, outside the house, on the road and they both took deep breaths. It was a now or never situation. They could drive away and forget all about it or they could go and face it head on. They both knew which option it would be. The walk from the car to the front door was tiny and yet felt miles long; like they were never going to get there. Callum turned to look at Ben.
“Ben, what if,,,” he began as Ben placed his finger over his husband’s lips to stop him.
“They’re going to love you babe, just as much as I do. They likely already do. They have already laid eyes on you haven’t they? I’m sure they’ll be just like me. Love at first sight. You were born for this.” He smiled lovingly at Callum, took his hand and pressed the doorbell.
The door opened and they were welcomed into the house. They stepped into the corridor and under the coat rack was a line of tiny shoes all lined up. It was like something from the elves and the shoemaker. Perfect little pairs of shoes all neatly together. Immediately Callum felt his fears begin to melt away. The shoes seemed to solve everything for him. How could something so small be terrifying?
Ben looked around the hallway. There was a sea of people there to greet them. The social workers, the foster parents, the team manager and the health visitor all stood beaming at them. Ben was craning his neck trying to see the children to no avail. He was suddenly aware of movement among the bodies that were in front of him but couldn’t see what. He felt compelled to crouch down to see if the view was any better from there. Through the forest of legs in front of her, Alba had managed to navigate her way over to him. The little girl was dressed in a blue skirt with a rainbow jumper and tights. Ben was choked at the gesture from the foster parents. Clearly they were trying to make him and Callum feel a little at ease. It made him immediately settle; he felt accepted by them. In her hands, Alba was holding a muslin cloth that was wrapped around her fingers. Ben smiled and gave her a wave. As he did so, she threw the cloth straight over his face. He laughed realising that he had immediately been drawn into a game of peek a boo; a sure sign that he had already been accepted. He pulled the cloth off his face and that was when it hit him. She laughed. Not just a tiny shy giggle; a proper belly laugh that filled the whole room. All the worrying they had gone though and she had literally been the one to find them. Amongst all those people in the room her heart had led her straight to them. He’s was instantly relaxed. He felt Callum’s hand on his shoulder and he could tell that he had witnessed the whole exchange.
The group made their way into the living room where Ben and Callum continued to play with Alba and felt more and more comfortable with her by the second. She was perfect. Every time she laughed or ran off to show them one of her toys they knew they would be fine. From her toy box she produced the bear they had given her on the first meeting in the park. Holding it close to her face in the cutest hug ever, she climbed back onto Ben’s lap and started playing her game again with the bear. Ben could tell that Callum was already beginning to well up and he was having to fight the tears himself. At the moment where Ben thought it couldn’t get any better, the door to the room opened and Blake was carried in the arms of his foster mother. She walked across the room and placed the baby in Callum’s arms. In that moment Ben honestly didn’t know what to do with himself. All he could do was watch and take deep breaths as he watched Callum cradling their new son with tears running down his face. He’s husband, the man who never thought he belonged, who never thought he was enough for anyone, holding onto the most precious bundle. Just perfectly enough.. Tears flooded down both of their faces as they grinned at each other. Christmas Eve, sat in a complete stranger’s house holding into their entire world. What could be more perfect?
**********
The new year had gone by so slowly. Normally that period over Christmas where no one knows what day of the week, or even what time it is, would pass in a blur. You would never know from one day to the next if you were supposed to go to work or stay at home; should you put the bins out or was that another day? Any other year Ben and Callum would have been feeling exactly the same, but this was different. After the successful Christmas Eve visit they had been given the best present they could ever dream of- the green light to bring Alba and Blake into their family. Even though it was only a couple of weeks ago, Callum still felt his eyes prickle with tears as he listened to Ben stammer on the phone desperately trying not to cry until he’d hung up. The news that they had been waiting for for so long had finally come and only hours after leaving the foster family’s home. Callum sat on the couch in the same position, tears in his eyes as he remembered Ben collapsing in a puddle of tears into his arms, only just managing to get the news out. They must have sat there crying for at least half and hour before finally pulling themselves together. They’d been told that they could bring the kids home on January the 15th. And so every day had crawled past like a snail and one thing was for certain- they absolutely knew what day it was. They had known the date down to the minute every day of the last two weeks. All the wanted was to speed up time and get to the day. New year had been spent quietly just between the two of them. Lexi had been over in the day and then gone back to Lola for the evening so they had decided a quiet night in with Diva was the best option. Neither were in any mood to be out partying all night. They had far too many things swimming around their mind.
The days that followed had been entirely dedicated to decorating the second bedroom. They decided to put them in together for the foreseeable future. Both Callum and Ben wanted them to have some form of stability when they brought them home and having each other would hopefully achieve that. They had decided on a woodland theme for the bedroom and set about decorating it in a light green colour. Callum spend a meticulous amount of time drawing tiny woodland creatures on the wall and finding adorable bedding that would work for both. The two cots had now been set up in the room. This time Ben had listened to callum and actually followed the instructions which had ended up surprisingly well and so the evening before the big day, they found themselves entirely physically ready and equally mentally unprepared. Sleep that night had been a painful experience and neither had really gotten any. The early hours of the morning had been spent enveloped in each other’s arms giving gentle reassuring kisses. The last time they were ever going to be completely on their own for quite some time and while they didn’t go mad, they certainly made the most of it.
Again they pulled up and parked outside the foster family’s house and the same familiar sense of trepidation filled them both. Again they found solace holding on to each other’s hand. Quickly they were welcomed into the house and Alba immediately threw herself into their arms. They were delighted that she was so comfortable around them. Two very small bags of clothing and possessions were handed to Ben and he took them to the car. He was reminded of the conversation he had with Callum all those months ago about children in care having little to no things and even less dignity when they were moved from home to home and swallowed hard. He was so glad that he could finally give a loving home to at least two although his heart still broke for the thousands more still waiting to find their family.
Back inside the house, Ben sat beside Callum as they went through the final details and what to do if they needed help with anything. Suddenly the moment they had been waiting for for so long was there. Michelle and the foster family bid them their farewells and shut the door behind them. Callum found himself very grateful that no one was watching this moment and that it was just for them. Ben carried Blake in one arm while Callum picked up Alba.
“Come on then Dada,” Ben beamed at Callum., “let’s give this family thing a whirl!” Callum grinned back and looked at the kids lovingly. Together the clasped hands and walked towards the car.
Family at last.