Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Time felt… surreal.

His weekend came and went like a leaf in the wind. He doesn’t even remember a fifth of what happened; his thoughts all scrambled in a way that left him disoriented.

Kazuha’s mother had hung up on him soon after, leaving him alone on the road with his feet glued to the ground and head swaying on his shoulders. He only managed to move when the car behind him honked, the ivory haired male bowing quickly and dashing off in the direction of what he thought was his apartment.

Kokomi would understand.

He felt choked up. His hands were shaky and his breathing felt irregular, his nerves skittish even when it came down to Tama. The blond caught up on his odd behavior, but when asked Kazuha just brushed it off with a smile. Or, at least what he hoped was a smile.

His morning class was absolute hell, but it was mostly because his entire morning had been thrown off schedule. He woke up fifteen minutes before class, leaving the poor kid to get as ready as he could in three after a quick brush of his hair and teeth. He threw on a facial mask to help hide half of his disorderly appearance, but it ended up becoming a nuisance as he had to make a mad dash for the subway. He got there two minutes after class began, completely out of breath, and it was a wonder how he didn’t collapse while walking through the doorway.

The professor seemed to have a stick up his ass that morning, making everyone in the room as miserable as possible. For once in a long while, Kazuha actually felt like crying out of pure frustration.

Kazuha made a strong effort to block out the rest of the day, disassociating hard even as he sat at a cafe with the intention of getting some work out of the way.

Nothing got done.

Hours seemed to drag by as he was lost in thought, his body moving on autopilot by that point. Kazuha had emotionally detached himself as he went through the motions.

His funky mood mostly wore off by Tuesday afternoon, as exhaustion settled deep in his bones and made him feel heavy. Crashing on the couch after his classes, he fell asleep there, not even budging when Tama swatted at him to play with her. In fact, nothing would have been able to wake him up from his heavy slumber. That is, until his roommate got home, slamming the door closed as he growled into the receiver.

“-no, cause you love to accuse me, and then turn around and do the exact same shit you accused me of!” The blond was furious, a vein in his temple popping from his restraint. Kazuha blinked his bleary eyes at him, slowly rising from his position on the couch so he could watch his roommates back, one hand coming up to rub at his eye as he yawned. That"s when he realized Tama managed to wriggle into the space between his leg and the back of the couch, stretched out in a way that seemed extremely uncomfortable. She too woke up and craned her head to the side to watch her owner, who didn’t seem to know that the both of them were occupying the couch for an impromptu nap.

“What’s not fair are your false accusations.” He hissed into the receiver, his hand balled as he choked on a crude laugh. “You"re pretty ballsy for saying that, as if I didn’t catch you flirting with her.”

At that point Kazuha straightened up a bit, making room for Tama to move as she stretched and pawed at his thigh as if asking him to move over.

“If you get mad over me groping my guy friends, I don’t know what to tell you. Am I supposed to forget all the times Yae has grabbed your tits?”

If Kazuha wasn’t so concerned, he would have actually laughed at that. Tama made eye contact with him, as if she too found the situation ridiculous. Tomo still hadn’t turned around and taken note of them, the man slouching as he leaned on the doorway of the kitchen.

“Exactly. I never fucking made a deal over it. So why are you making a deal over him?” Tomo turned at that exact moment, and as soon as he caught sight of the male on the couch he froze.

Tomo excused himself to his room after that, but not before he ran a hand through his sleep-mussed ivory locks as he passed.

It was at that moment a shift happened between the both of them, but Kazuha wouldn’t realize until later down the line.

Wednesday class was over in the blink of an eye, or so it seemed, but Kazuha wouldn’t really be able to tell as he was too preoccupied all morning thinking about a laminated card he had stored in his wallet. His fingers itched to fish for it, slightly impatient for the contact. He really wanted to text her.

Christmas break wasn"t too far away, and neither were the midterms, so he had a small window of time before he would be too busy to meet up with the woman.

The first thing he did when he got home was throw his bag to the ground as he hopped on the couch, disturbing the peacefully sleeping cat as she bounced in the air when he made contact with the cushion. His phone was out immediately, his other hand fighting with his wallet to pry it open, his fingers slipping between the leather to pull out a white card with the contact information that he needed.

Biting his lip, Kazuha inputted the number, his hands slightly shaky from excitement.
12/03/XX 2:15 Me: Hey, it’s Kazuha. Just wanted to know what date would be best for us to meet for my consultation?

After he sent it, he let out a deep breath he didn’t know he was even holding. Dropping his phone on the coffee table, he looked over at Tama, who seemed to be annoyed as her eyes were lidded, her tail flicking slightly. He would have felt sorry, but to be fair, she woke him up quite a bit herself when he was peacefully drifting.

Winking at her, he got up to check the fridge for anything to eat, jumping on the balls of his feet when he caught sight of the sushi he forgot he had leftover from a couple nights ago. Pulling it out and snatching the bottle of Soy Sauce and a pair of chopsticks, he stood over at the bar, plopping one of the few pieces of Ootoro into his mouth and moaning indecently at the taste. Archons, did that taste like literal heaven even if it"s a few days past its freshness.

“With sushi? I can already imagine what you would sound like with two fingers.” Kazuha all but choked on the small piece, his eyes flickering over to Tomo’s door, where he leaned against the doorway with his hair loose and all messy from sleep. Oh, what Kazuha would do to climb that.

Hitting his chest in an attempt to dislodge the tuna, he looked at his roomie with watery eyes, his mind slowly starting to process that one, his roommate was home, and two, what he had just said to him right now, implying he heard Kazuha.

With a blush rapidly spreading across his cheeks, he cleared his throat, his eyes looking anywhere but his gorgeous, shirtless roommate.

“You aren’t at school?”

From the corner of his eye, Kazuha could see the other kick off the doorframe and come towards him, his frame stiffening with each step the other took.

“Course finished early. Took the final last week.” The other stopped behind him to the side, peering over his shoulder. That ass stole a piece.

Said ass actually patted his butt as he moved away, a strangled-like noise coming out of Kazuha as he did so. Gods, Tomo was too physically affectionate for his own good. If he didn’t have so much self restraint, he would have jumped the man already.

Before Kazuha could reply to him, his phone buzzed over on the coffee table, snatching his attention like a moth to a lamp. Hoping it was who he thought it was, he sauntered over and turned his screen on, smiling when he saw he got a reply.

12/03/XX 2:23 Unknown: come by on the 7th. I should have a timeslot between 5 and 7

A Sunday? Was she working on a Sunday? Kazuha felt guilty. Could he really go down for an appointment when she is probably extremely busy with other clients?

12/03/XX 2:24 Me: You sure? I can, but I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you

12/03/XX 2:24 Unknown: Just come down will you

Kazuha let a small smile slip, jumping when Tomo’s voice rang out.

“What’s making you smile like that?” Kazuha panicked for a moment. Would it be weird if he told him that he was talking to one of Baal’s friends, when he doesn’t even talk to the woman himself? Probably.

“Uh- just… Aether.” Coughing up to cover his slip up, he slid his phone into his back pocket and went back over to his lunch, choosing to sit on a bar stool so he had some sort of barrier between him and the blond.

With the face the other was making, the other getting all touchy with him probably wouldn’t be an issue anyways.

“You are a real pain in my side, you know?” Kazuha sighs, swinging his leg over the side and grabbing onto the woman in front of him, smiling to himself when he could hear her cackle over the comms. It was a chillier night, the wind already whipping around them, whistling through the branches of the trees. His bare fingers tingled as they tried to hide from the cold, the wind slipping into his coat by the cuffs, forcing a full body shiver out of him as he clung tightly to Beidou.

“For the record, it was just as much of a surprise as it was for you.” She hummed as she kicked the stopper, revving her engine loudly once they passed the stoplight at the end of the street. The cold’s bite was sharper as they sped down the streets, the howl louder as they almost became one with the wind as they got on the highway.

Nothing much was said as they made their way to their destination. In fact. Kazuha had closed his eyes, so he wasn’t very aware of where they were going to in the first place. It was only with Beidou that he really felt at ease. Of course he loved and trusted his friends with his entire being, but he just couldn’t loosen up with them the way he could with the brunette. There was something about her as a person that drew him like a moth to a flame, burning away his doubts and throwing their ashes to the wind so they went back from whence they came.

Dare Kazuha say she felt like a mother he never had the pleasure of having.

And not the kind that was stuck up or strict, but the kind that had unconditional love no matter how much he messed up. The kind that waits with open arms at the end of a long day, a kind smile and equally soft eyes. The one who was his best friend; who would do the dumbest stunts just for a laugh. A laugh that would only be an echo against eternity, but no less warm and familiar.

Kazuha might have not known her for very long, but Beidou had done more for him than he had ever done for himself, and for that, he will be eternally grateful.

He had already thought about it once before, but despite how sad he would be when she would have to undoubtedly leave, he would be okay.

He’d be okay.

And with that thought, he might have just clung tighter to her. The present was not but a fleeting moment, and if there was anything he had learned in the past couple of months, it was to live in the now.

They arrived at a skating rink not too long after. The parking lot was mostly empty, many staying home to enjoy the warmth on a chilly night. Hurrying in, the inside wasn’t any warmer than the outside. Kazuha was dragged to the counter where a bored looking teenage boy stood behind, the kid on the verge of falling asleep. They traded their shoes for ice skates, the both of them taking a seat on a nearby bench to lace their shoes up tightly to prevent an ankle injury.

“You ever skated before?” Beidou groaned as she stood up on wobbly feet, grabbing onto the rail of the rink, looking over her shoulder to catch his eye.

“Yea, once or twice.”

“Good, cause I never have.” She laughed, using the rail to get to the entrance of the rink. Kazuha helped her onto the ice, where she was steady for a second or two before she wiped out and took Kazuha down with her. Beidou cackled as she sat there, the ivory haired male on all fours with his eyes wide, heart beating fast at the sudden change in positions.Kazuha had expected her to fall, but not for her to take him along as well. He knew his knees would be bruised come morning.

“Oops.” She snickered, turning around so she could support herself with her hands, slowly trying to stand up to only have her skates slide from below her. It was a wonder how she hadn’t kissed the floor yet.

Kazuha spent the next thirty minutes attempting to teach her, only going down one other time when she couldn’t grab onto the rail fast enough so she grabbed him instead.

When she was confident enough to leave the rail behind, they slowly skated around the ring, a comfortable silence between them as they made their way around. Beidou only tripped up once, but she didn’t go crashing down like he expected her to. That was an improvement.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked eventually when they were half way on their third lap. Kazuha just shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek as he avoided her gaze. Kazuha knew she had picked up on his mood that night, he was just waiting for the moment she would ask him. And as much as he trusted the other woman, he doesn’t know if he trusted himself to speak of it quite just yet.

“I want to tell you,” Kazuha started, wringing his fingers as he sighed, watching as his breath clouded before his lips, “I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it.” Snaking a glance at the woman, he was relieved to see an understanding look in her gaze. She just smiled and tapped his back, causing her to slip a bit. Once she righted herself, she attempted to skate backwards so she could make eye contact with him. He was impressed that she managed it.

“No rush. I’m just proud you didn’t apologize.” That made Kazuha blush, hiding his face in his scarf and looking off to the side.

They kept skating for another forty minutes, talking about anything and everything they could think of, successfully taking Kazuha’s mind off his current struggle. It was only eleven when they exited the rink, so they drove around for a while, making a quick stop at a twenty-four hour convenience store for ice cream shakes, where they sat on the curb to drink. Kazuha would have never drank something cold in such cold weather, but this was Beidou he was with, so there was no harm in doing so.

With the night being so pleasantly slow, he could feel himself falling asleep despite the chill. Even though he hadn’t been doing much physical activity, all the thinking he had been doing the past week has made him exhausted, his bones heavy and limbs sagging. The calming feeling of being rocked to sleep on the back of Beidou’s bike didn’t make it any better.

Kazuha waved at the woman as he climbed the stairs to the sliding glass doors, watching as she sped off into the night to get back home to her wife. His eyes were sliding shut as he waited for the elevator which appeared to be sitting on his floor. Once it arrived at the lobby and opened its doors for him, he just barely stumbled over the small crack in the floor, using his hand to steady himself against the wall. The door to his apartment was unlocked, but he didn’t think much of it as he pushed it open, dumping his coat and scarf onto the rack.

He slightly jumped when he saw Tomo on the couch watching him. Kazuha hadn’t expected the other to still be awake.

“How was uh… Aether’s?” Tomo cleared his throat, watching the other as he sluggishly took a seat next to him. Where was Baal?

Shrugging as he sunk into the cushions, he yawned and stretched, resting his feet on the coffee table.

“Good.” He hummed, closing his eyes as he felt fur brush up the side of his arm. Tomo hummed his own reply. It was soft but loud enough that he heard it. It was uncharacteristic of the other, but with sleep creeping up on him, he didn’t think much of that either, rolling his head to the side to rest his eyes.

Tomo nudged his arm softly, and just as quickly as he touched him he moved his hand away.

“Go to bed. You’ll hurt your neck like that.” Tomo sighed, uncrossing his legs so he could stand up and head towards his room. The faint smell of cigarette smoke reached him then.

Kazuha didn’t even think about how Tomo hadn’t even attempted to help him to his room.

Getting comfortable in his seat, Kokomi sighed as she sunk into her own next to him, a pout on her face that did not look good when coupled with her eye bags from all her studying the night prior.

Her coffee was straight black, and one look at it had made the male gag, clutching his tea slightly closer as he looked away. Bending over to grab his laptop, he heard the door open behind him and heels clicking, making him smile to himself.

Straightening up and logging into his user, his eye looked up to take in his teacher. She was dressed in black dress pants and black blazer, an open white shirt below exposing her neck and collarbones and a bit of her upper chest. Her black heels completed the look nicely.

Kazuha couldn’t help but think his teacher looked similar.

Class ran smoothly, Professor Crux picking up right where their last professor left off, adding a twist to the lesson to fit her teaching style. Their class ended right on time, but it seemed to have been too short for the male. His notes were as neat as always, paying close attention, only having to nudge Kokomi awake twice.

After class they split ways, Kokomi needed to go home and take a nap so she could study more. Kazuha on the other hand decided to wander around campus for a bit, finding a seat under the tree in the main courtyard, watching the students who formed sit and chat with their friends in the grass. It made him think of the time before he moved in with Tomo, of a time before he even knew of Tomo. Maybe Kazuha was being overdramatic, but Kazuha truly wonders how he lived such a life. Tomo brought a lot of color into his life, making things lively and pop. He had already been friends with Gorou and Kokomi, but he only ever heard of the others. It wasn’t until he had been introduced to the blond that he got to know Yoimiya, Ayaka, and Thoma.

Entering college Kazuha wanted to really flourish. Flourish in a way he hadn’t been able to under the watch of his parents; well, mainly his father. Tomo helped him in that regard, but it really wasn’t until Beidou that he completed that change. Actually, not completed. As humans he was well aware that people continue to change, but he was now in a place where he could be happy with himself. Sure, a disappointment to his parents, but that wasn’t new. He was proud of himself, and he knew that he could look forward to the person he will become through his own efforts.

Yawning as he stretched back, he laid back in the metal seat and stretched out his legs, closing his eyes and rolling his head back.

Gosh, he seriously needed a mental vacation.

Kazuha hummed to himself softly, letting the wind caress his cheeks as he listened to everything else around him.

The chatting, the footsteps, the birds chirping, the honking cars in the distance.

It was supposed to help him feel alive, but the nagging of a familiar gruff male voice in the back of his head only served to make his muscles tense.

It was then when Kazuha finally admitted to himself he was scared of going back home.

Walking into Tenryou Tengu, the strong smell of disinfectant hit him. A woman named Kazari welcomed him at the front desk, asking for his name and appointment time. He explained to her that Sara had given him a window of time to come and see her for his consultation, to which the woman nodded and asked for a moment as she got up and walked to the back, probably looking for the raven.

She came back and asked him to take a seat and that Sara would be up in a moment. Kazuha pulled out his phone and scrolled through his pictures, looking for the design Aether had sent him earlier that week. Finding it, he favorited it for easier access when Sara would undoubtedly ask for it. Said woman walked out from behind, motioning for him to follow, where they went into a room all the way in the back. He sat on the cot while she took a seat before him, a laptop open on the counter beside her.

“We’ll make this quick.” She murmured, typing something into her laptop before she gave him her full attention. “Got the design?” Nodding his head the male slid his phone out and unlocked it, turning the phone over to her so she could see it. She hummed as she sat back, zooming into it before she looked up at him, looking him over completely from head to toe. It made him slightly nervous.

When she raised an eyebrow at him, Kazuha immediately understood, shedding his coat and untucking his shirt from his pants.A slight dust of red fluttered over his cheeks, lifting his shirt up a bit and pointing to his side.

“I want it here.” He mumbled, clearing his throat and sitting up straighter.

Sara didn’t say anything, so he chanced a glance at her. She was just staring at his side. Looking back down at the design for a second, she looked back up, probably imagining how it would look. Or at least, Kazuha hopes that that was what she was doing. Hopefully she wasn’t judging any of his decisions right about now.

“This will look smaller.” She commented. Kazuha just nodded, looking down at his waist again.

“Yea, I want nothing too big. Just enough to distract from the fact that my waist is small.”

“Getting a tattoo there will do the opposite.” She said, tilting her head at him, a look of doubt clouding her eyes.

“I thought about that, but people will look at the design more than my waist.” Kazuha thought about it, now wondering if this was a good idea.

Sara chuckled at herself, looking up at him through her bangs as she laughed, a smirk on her lips. Kazuha felt a shiver go down her spine.

“I don’t think anyone will be paying attention to either.” She snickered, her eyes glinting with a joke unsaid. Did he even want to know? Should he even bite the bullet?

“Why?”

“They’ll be too busy fucking you. Why else would they see your waist?” Kazuha actually audibly gasped at that, his cheeks aflame with embarrassment. Unfortunately, he had nowhere to hide, as he had taken off his coat and scarf.

Kazuha sat there opening and closing his mouth not unlike a fish, his eyes darting around the room trying to change the subject. Too bad his mind was stuck on what she had just said.

Because she wasn’t wrong.

Why else would anyone else see him naked? It’s not like he went to the pool or beach often, and Tomo occasionally was in the room when he was changing out his shirt.

“...Where do you think it would look better?” Kazuha shyly asked, scrunching his hands in his lap. Clearing his throat, he looked up into her eyes and held eye contact, feeling his cheeks burn slightly brighter.

“Forearm. What’s your dominant hand?”

“Right.”

“Right forearm. The sword would be closer to the inside of your elbow, and the cat more towards your wrist.” She demonstrated by pointing on his arm, helping him envision what she thought would be the best placement for it. Kazuha listened closely, as she did work in the tattoo industry, so she would definitely know more about this. Besides, she was a talented artist, and looking at her own sleeves, she knew a lot about aesthetics and placement.

Nodding along with what she said, Kazuha bit the inside of his cheek, deciding to listen to her. Besides, who else would see his tattoo other than him and possible future partners? Might as well flaunt Aether’s design.

Once placement was decided, she went over with how to clean and care for a tattoo, and ways to preserve their color. She recommended he get vaseline or antibacterial cream prior to his session, along with antibacterial soap. The soap he didn’t have to worry about, as he could use the same one he uses when cleaning his piercings, but he would have to look into vaseline. She let him know that he must wash the area twice a day, along with applying his choice of ointment.

The last thing they did was schedule an appointment. The soonest she could do was the sixteenth, and even then she could only do the lineart. Her next free booking wouldn’t be until sometime late January. She gave him her email and asked for the design to be sent her way so she could process it, letting him know what she would need at least a week in advance before their appointment.

Kazuha thanked her and made his way home, hiding a smile in his scarf as he practically skipped home.

Breading chicken to pop it into a pan to let it fry, Kazuha slightly jumped when the door was forced open, Tama who was sitting on the counter next to him startled as well. Tomo was groaning into the receiver of his phone, a frown on his face as he crashed into the couch, mumbling to himself.

“Yes I- no, listen to me.” Tomo sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he pinched his eyes shut. Someone spoke to him on the other side, shutting him up effectively. Tomo’s face told Kazuha that the other was not enjoying the conversation at all.

“I can’t. Maybe next year. I already told you it just isn"t possible, I’m sorry.” Tomo groans, pursing his lips together when the person replies. From the conversation, Kazuha could tell it wasn’t Baal that he was talking to.

“Can we talk about this at another time? I really have things to do.” Almost immediately he ended the call, throwing his phone onto the coffee table and groaned loudly into his hands, ruffling up his bangs as he did so.

“Is everything alright?” Kazuha cautiously asks, watching as the other laid back into his seat, a very unhappy expression on his face. Who knows how long he had been arguing on the phone for.

“Yea. Just… my mom. It’s no biggie.” Tomo shrugs, getting up to wash his hands in the sink and peer at what Kazuha was making.

Tomo didn"t have an amazing relationship with his parents, but it wasn’t terrible either. His parents were pretty absent throughout his childhood, so he wasn’t quite attached to them much like Kazuha. He still cared for them somewhat, but it was in a detached sort of way. All he wanted to do was do what his parent’s expected of him and move on with his life. Whenever his parents called it always put a strain on the other, and he didn’t really like talking about it, so Kazuha knew not to push it.

“It’s Katsu.” Kazuha answered Tomo’s unasked question, going back to cooking. He hummed and sat on a bar stool, reaching over to pet Tama on the head, lazily watching him cook. When it was done he served the both of them, giving small pieces to Tama when she would butt her head into his plate. They ate mostly in silence.

It wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either.

Kazuha couldn’t help but feel like recently they have drifted a bit. Sure they lived together, but they were always either at school or doing their own thing. They never sat down to watch tv or talk. Distance or mismatched schedules had never been an issue for them, but ever since Baal got involved, Kazuha feels like he sees Tomo less and less. Truly see Tomo.

He couldn’t help but feel like he was partly to blame for it.

He didn’t want to put a strain in their relationship when there was no reason for one.

Tomo never said anything about it, so he was most likely just overthinking like he usually does. The strain across Tomo’s shoulders he convinces himself isn’t there says otherwise.

If only it had stopped there.

Kazuha had his head between two pillows, eyes squeezed shut and pretending he was anywhere but there at the moment.

Earlier that day Baal had come, and from the start it wasn’t going well. Kazuha had been sitting on his bed doing homework when he heard her voice come through the open crack of his door. It was fierce and heated, immediately picking a fight with his roommate as soon as she stepped through the threshold of their apartment.

Her stern voice sent a chill down his spine, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared in the direction of the commotion, only picking up a few words here and there as he had his earbuds in playing music. Tomo had tried calming her down in the beginning, until she must have struck a nerve and he was fighting back just as forcefully. Kazuha thinks that she must have thrown something at him, as the crash he heard was too sudden to have been anything else. A purse? Keys? A phone? It hadn’t been big, but something had been thrown nonetheless, and Kazuha had contemplated getting involved if things were getting physical, but he knew Tomo had it under control. He would never hurt someone intentionally, especially a woman.

Tama came running in through the crack of his door, diving under the bed in a white blur. Kazuha in turn cringed, getting up slowly and closing his door as quietly as he could in an attempt to give them privacy. Things weren’t looking the best for the both of them, and instead of feeling a sick sort of happiness at the possibility of their relationship being cut short, he actually got sad, worrying about Tomo’s emotional and mental state.

It only escalated from there. They moved to Tomo’s room in an attempt to keep the conversation more private, but it was futile. The walls were paper thin after all.

But what Kazuha doesn’t understand is how they got from there to… here.

Kazuha ground his teeth together as he pressed the sides of his pillow harder over his ears, but of course, it just wasn’t enough.

May the Archons forgive Tomo, but Kazuha was about to rip him a new one if he was given the chance.

Because they were fucking on the wall that separated their rooms.

Kazuha was someone who let many things slide, who didn’t make a big deal out of everything, but this was something else entirely. He could almost feel his blood simmer in his veins.

How fucking inconsiderate of them.

It got to be too much, her moans needles in his heart, and suddenly he was back two months ago; back to when they first got together and her cries of pleasure were detrimental to his mental health. But now Kazuha was just furious.

On one particular loud moan Kazuha had enough, throwing his covers away and getting up, grabbing Aether’s coat from his closet and shoving his arms through the sleeves, not caring that all he wore under was a thin t-shirt. Grabbing his combat boots from deep in his closet and pulling them out to put them on in his room, he cringed when he could hear her gasp and what was possibly Tomo moan, making him gulp.

Snatching his phone and keys he yanked his door open and made a beeline for the front door, deciding his wallet wasn’t important enough to double back for.

He didn’t mean to slam the door shut. He slightly jumped when the door made contact with the doorframe, but he didn’t turn back as soon as his key left the keyhole, his eyes set on the stairwell.

Kazuha dialed the only person he could think of, biting his lip as he shivered violently in the cold, pleading that they would pick up.

Each ring that went through was like a jab to his stomach, and he swears he was about to puke. He couldn’t help the deep breath of relief when the phone was picked up, a confused voice answering.

“Kaz-?” Kazuha didn’t even let them finish, cupping the receiver of his phone as he quickly walked in the direction of the apartment.

“I need to stay the night.” Kazuha shivered, his skin pricking with the bitter cold. He knew that he was more than welcome at the other’s flat, but he still wanted to call ahead of time before arriving at their doorstep.

That was just inconsiderate, now wasn’t it.

“What happened?” Gorou sounded alert now, a chair scooching out in the background. At that point his teeth were chattering, trying to pull the lapels of his coat tightly around himself.

“I just need a place to crash for the night.” Thankfully Gorou didn’t pry, and instead asked if he needed to be picked up. Kazuha brushed the offer and thanked him, letting him know that he will be there in about thirty.

Five minutes after he ended the call he was wishing he had accepted the offer, with the way he was freezing head to toe. As miserable as he felt, this was a hundred times better than being stuck in his apartment listening to the other two get it on when they had just been at each other’s throats not two minutes ago.

As he walked, he could hear the wind sing, but he could hear her sing even more. Almost as if he had never left.

It hurt.

And he let it hurt.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Kazuha had spent the entire day out of the apartment, avoiding his roommate like the plague. He sat on the steps outside the building, playing with the flap of a pack of cigarettes he picked up earlier that day. It wasn’t so much as to smoke them, but as a weird sense of comfort he felt when holding them. He long ago dropped the habit of using them.

Sadly there were no crisp leaves for him to play a tune on, so a ghostly guilty comfort it was.

Slipping one out from the box, he twirled it between his fingertips, staring at the road in front of him, a slight shiver wrecking his body as the wind danced. His mind wandered off happily, to a fantasy word he guiltily wished for.

A touch of silk, warm and comforting on my honeyed skin, your fingertips drag their promise of passion…

It had been a while since he truly let himself think of poetry on the fly. He had so much going on that he didn’t even have time to wish for it. Senior year has just been a dumpster fire that he was frantically trying to keep under control and just barely doing so.

Your smell of lilac and gooseberries with their tinge of musk envelop me in a reminder of tangerine tinted dreams.

How he itched to grab a pencil and paper to write this down. He was actually liking how it sounded, and perhaps he could refine it later in his notebook. As his eyes grazed over the tops of the trees to see the other buildings peaking, the light of the moon bouncing off their glass exterior called out to him.

Your smooth syrup voice vows your undying devotion to me, wrapped in a plush bedding of roses.

Placing the cig in between his lips, he lightly nipped at it, zoning out almost completely as a harsh gust of wind brushed against him. His loose hair twirled along with it, stray pieces curling around his cheeks as he closed his eyes to relish the feeling.

That amethyst gaze holds the yearning for the-

Kazuha stopped there, groaning as he shoved the cigarette back into the carton, standing up on stiff legs. He had to stop stalling and get inside before he managed to catch a cold. Especially with how he walked out of the apartment last night.

The warmth that comfortably enveloped him as he opened the glass door to the lobby made his shoulders drop, a soft sigh slipping from his lips as he pressed the button to the elevator. He closed his eyes as he waited, slightly swaying as he stood in place to an unknown rhythm.

He slowly walked down the hallway to their flat, trying to stall as much as he could, almost dreading to walk through the door.

Fitting the key into the keyhole and twisting his wrist, he let the front door fall open to him, stepping through the threshold and sighing to himself at finally being back home. It was a very nice contrast to the freezing cold he had been sitting outside in. Hanging up his coat, he brushed the gray material against his fingertips, smiling when he remembered that it was the coat that Aether swore it would look better on him. He should have taken the opportunity to go out and get a gift for him that he definitely owes him.

Shuffling around a bit as he toed his shoes off, he closed the front door with his hip, digging into his pocket for his phone and throwing his keys into the small dish by the door, his eyes scanning his home screen for any pressing notification. Just a reminder from his professor to the students who hadn’t turned in their essay yet that it was due by noon the following day.

He quietly padded into the living room, his sneaky attempt to get to his room without alerting the other that he was home a flunk as soon as Tama yelled at him, meowing loudly as she rubbed herself against his leg. Kazuha could only accept his defeat, and come to terms with the fact that he and his roomie would probably end up having an uncomfortable conversation about whatever the hell it was the night before. In all honesty, he didn’t even want an apology, he just wanted to move as far away as he could from that memory and topic.

His heart was still a little sore from it.

Alas, Tomo actually stuck his head out from the kitchen, eyes wide once he saw his roommate was finally home, after being out and about for over twenty-four hours in his crude attempt of completely ignoring the issue at hand.

“Hey.” Tomo, on his part, didn’t sound very confident, however. In fact, he sounded sheepish. When coupled with the very slight grimace on his face, Kazuha could tell the other didn’t exactly know how to breach the subject.

“Hey.” Kazuha kept it simple, bending down to grab Tama and cradle her against his chest, digging his nose into her fur and closing his eyes, wishing that they really wouldn’t have this conversation right now and hold off on it. Preferably till they never talk about it, because holy archons Kazuha could feel his cheeks slightly heat up at the thought.

Tomo cleared his throat and leaned on the doorframe, trying to look casual when Kazuha could clearly tell that he was wound up. It seemed as if he didn’t know how to breach the topic either.

Should have thought of that before he fucked his girlfriend on the only wall that they shared and kicked him out of the flat for a night.

Clearing his throat again, Tomo sighs, running a hand through his hair, which Kazuha only then realized that it was loose instead of in his high ponytail.

“Look, I feel terrible about last night.”

Oh archons, here they go. Kazuha mentally strapped himself and his emotions as he turned on his heel slightly, his nose still buried in Tama’s fur but his eyes in clear view. Not like it mattered, as Tomo seemed to have an issue with making eye contact. No doubt due to the embarrassment he felt at having to admit that for a quick fuck, he essentially kicked out his roommate. At having sexiled him. Kazuha didn’t speak up, he just watched the other. He wasn’t gonna make this any easier for him; hell, he didn’t even want to be having the conversation in the first place.

“It was a fuck up on both of our parts, and I honestly didn’t even think about how it would be very probable that you would be able to hear us if we uh… went at it on a wall.” Kazuha had to refrain from rolling his eyes.

It was very obvious that Tomo still didn’t know that he could always hear everything. If it weren’t for his need for self-preservation, he would have told Tomo that he could always hear them getting it on in the other room. Crystal clear, in fact.

What pissed him off was the fact that they unapologetically fucked on the one wall that their rooms shared. Sure, they might not know that he could hear them regardless, but come on. The wall? Really? It was honestly quite disrespectful and inconsiderate.

Kazuha should get some random guy to fuck him on that wall and see how Tomo would like that.

Maybe even Aether, since Tomo seems to have some sort of aversion to the other man for whatever reason. That thought though made his body warm, his eyes slightly widen and cheeks flush at the implication that he would even fuck Aether in the first place.

“It was rude of us, and honestly I’m sorry you had to hear that. I never meant to kick you out.” Tomo was ashamed, by the way the embarrassed flush spanned across his cheekbones Kazuha could distinctly tell.

Kazuha sighed and placed Tama down, grabbing her tail softly as he stood back, her tail flicking around his legs in an attempt to have him rub it again. Looking up through his bangs at the other, he dropped his shoulders, unable to really continue to be annoyed with him. Kazuha didn’t have the energy for that.

“It’s fine. I had somewhere to crash either way. Just… don’t do it again. I’d appreciate that.” Tomo nodded at what he said, cringing only when Kazuha implied that they don’t fuck like animals on his wall again.

“Aether’s, I assume?” Tomo grumbled, ruffling up his bangs as he let his shoulders drop. Kazuha wasn’t even going to correct him on that. It honestly didn’t even matter who’s apartment he crashed at. He definitely didn’t sleep in his bed the night before.

Humming, he made his way past Tomo in the doorway, putting water in the kettle to boil and leaned over the counter, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He had to stay up and study.

Taking the tension in the room with stride, he turned around to see the other watching him, a slight grimace appearing on the blond’s handsome face when he got caught staring. Kazuha in turn said nothing, and grabbed himself a cup to set it to the side, hailing himself onto the counter and sat there with his hands pinched between the insides of his knees.

Kazuha had never seen Tomo so unsure in all the years that he had known him.

“You uh… you are going tomorrow, right?” When he finally spoke, Kazuha tilted his head, trying to remember what he was talking about. Wracking his brain, he pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, impressed that he apparently seemed to forget something important. When he eyed the blond to clarify, he slightly smiled, standing up straighter and regained some of the confidence Kazuha associated so much with him.

“We’re having lunch? Together?” Kazuha sat there with a blank face, really trying to remember when those plans had been established. “You might not remember ‘cause you seemed really out of it the other week. Had us worried.” At that comment Kazuha blushed and tried to hide his face in his own shoulder, but he knew his ears gave him away.

“Oh.”

Tomo chuckled, the kind of chuckle that made him shiver to his core, his legs involuntarily pinching together, making him blush deeper in mortification at the way his body responded.

He was supposed to be mad at him, gods damn it!

Clearing his throat as he swung his legs to seem like he hadn’t just gotten turned on from a simple laugh, he nodded, still refusing to look at the other.

“Yea. I’ll be there.”

“I swear to the archons, I’ll shove those chopsticks so far up your ass, you’ll have splinters in your throat if you don’t shut the fuck up.” Yoimiya hollard, reaching over the table to yank on Tomo’s bangs.

Kazuha watched as he rolled up some stray ramen noodles in between his chopsticks, putting down his spoon just in case his elbow got knocked again and he dropped the glass to the floor. Aether sat next to him, his sketchbook opened as he worked on an assignment due the following day. There was a furrow between his eyebrows, in which Kazuha reached out to press between with his index finger to get him to stop. Aether in turn just smiled at him.

Tohma sat on the other end of the table, lightly tapping his spoon to his glass to get the attention of the rest of the table.

“Can we get the details down, please? Yoimiya has to let her dad know if we actually are going to go through with this.” Tohma groaned out, slumping into his chair as he blew his hair out from his face.

“That’s why we don’t plan a spontaneous trip the week of, you idiot.” Gorou snorted, shoving a cluster of enoki mushrooms into his mouth.

Kazuha indeed does have some recollection of this being debated the week before, but with his head in cloud nine, he doesn’t remember much of what was talked about.

“The hotel rooms are already booked. If we are all going, we won’t have to adjust the room numbers.” Ayaka murmurs, holding a warm cup of green tea between her palms. Kazuha pretended not to see Lumine snatch seaweed from her bowl. With Ayaka’s small smile, she too pretended not to notice.

The waiter returned, asking if there was anything else they had in mind. Kazuha vaguely heard them ordering a platter of some specialty rolls, but he wasn’t sure, as Aether captured his attention. Nudging his arm, there was already a smile on his lips, a playful glint in his eyes.

“You know, my class needs a nude model.”

Kazuha stops his spoon just before it touched his lips, quirking up his brows slightly, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Oh?”

“Yea… I was thinking since you already did such a good job modeling for my project, it couldn’t hurt to invite you, no?” He snickered under his breath, slightly lowering his voice for the next part. “But if you are too uncomfortable modeling for an entire class, you could just model for me.” Aether winked at him and cupped his elbow; he couldn’t help the stupid giggle that left him, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Maybe. My schedule seems pretty hectic as of late.” From the corner of his eye, he could see Aether stiffen, his head whipping back to look at him, a nervous smile now decorating his lips. An equally nervous sounding laugh left him.

Did he do something wrong?

Before he could ask the other what was wrong he notices how Tomo’s fist is balled up, so he chances a glance at the blond. He sees how his jaw is locked and lips in a heavy frown, his eyes in what kind of seemed to be set in a grimace. He wasn’t looking at Kazuha, but rather the other end of the room, his eyebrow twitching.

Concern fills him, so he reaches a hand out slightly and lets his fingertips brush against the back of the other’s hand lightly, capturing his attention as he slightly leans over the table, gazing into the blond’s eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yea. The spice was a bit uncomfortable.” Kazuha hums at that, sitting back, content that it hadn’t been more serious than he thought it was. It didn’t even cross his mind for a second that it was odd though, as Tomo loves spice.

He loves it when it burns his tongue.

“Tomo, so is she coming or not? We’re at an odd amount of people right now. If she doesn"t come, someone will have a bed all to themselves.” Tohma asked, taking a quick sip from his own glass of green tea, cringing when he burned his tongue.

“No. She’ll be busy with her sister.” Tomo replies, a slight frown on his lips. Kazuha on the other hand was surprised. He had no idea that the other woman had a sibling.

Gorou hummed as he swiped some strings of edamame, dropping some into Kokomi’s asking hand. Popping a few into his mouth, he pointed at some people silently, almost as if he was mentally calculating something.

“The couples will obviously room with each other, so that leaves us with… Aether, do you want to sleep with Kazuha? That would leave Yoimiya and Tomo together, and Lumine would get the single b-” Gorou wasn’t even able to finish the sentence, Tomo cutting in.

“Why separate the twins? I’ll sleep with Kazuha and Yoimiya can have the bed. Who knows, maybe she’ll find a hookup while we’re there.”

A packet of eel sauce hit him on the forehead, Yoimiya the perpetrator.

There was a grin on Gorou’s face now, his eyes sliding over to Aether as he hummed.

“Makes sense.” Aether also nodded to it, his sister shrugging.

Kazuha didn’t even get a say in it, as they moved on from sleeping arrangements and set the time they would have to get together on Saturday so they could go and have ample time to explore. Archons, Kazuha didn’t even know where they were going. Guess he’d find out once they got there.

From there they moved onto planning for christmas and new years, in which Kazuha only laid back and half listened, his heart heavy over the fact that he would be missing out on the fun. He could probably do with some Soju.

They would get together on Christmas Eve and have a big dinner and party before they crash at Ayaka’s place, then the morning of Christmas they would open each other’s gifts. On New Years they would get together at Yoimiya’s parents house and set off fireworks once the clock hit twelve. Kazuha couldn’t help the pout.

His parents had been fine not seeing him during breaks and holidays, so Kazuha couldn’t help but feel apprehensive about the whole thing. This wasn’t a normal visit, and a little voice in the back of his head thought the same. His muscles locked with that thought, his nerves fraying the more he thought about it.

There wasn’t a single good reason as to why he should go. His father would nag, they would get into a fight, his mother would stand back and simply let it happen, and he would inevitably storm out because he was done with their bullshit approximately four years ago.

Yet he craves for their approval.

He can’t wait for when he compulsively drops the bomb on them that he much rather get railed than do the railing.

Snorting to himself, he thanked the waiter as she deposited a tray before them. He went straight for the Godzilla, popping it into his mouth and sighing, eyes rolling back at the taste.

“Don’t moan over the sushi.” Tomo offhandedly comments, making him cough as he swallows.

What an ass.

Beidou nudges him forward, leading him towards the empty playground under the flickering streetlight, sitting down on one of the swings as she dumps a bag on the ground. She takes out two blankets, handing the other to Kazuha so he could wrap it around himself and attempt to keep warm on such a chilly evening.

She groaned as she leaned back slightly, throwing her head back with her eyes closed and taking a deep breath.

“Don’t get married.” Is what she says to break the silence, a grimace dancing on her lips as she takes another deep breath and holds it. Exhaling after a few seconds, she bends over again and digs into the bag once more. A soft clinking could be heard as she rummaged through it, pulling out two bottles of Snezhnayan beer. Popping the tops off, she handed one over to Kazuha, tipping the lips of the bottle to each other before they each took a long gulp. Well, Kazuha took a gulp. Beidou downed half of it.

“Why so quiet?” Beidou asks, stretching her legs out so she could swing gently, her fingers wrapping around the cool metal holding up the plastic swing.

Kazuha just shrugged, looking off to the side as he bit the inside of his cheek, eyes downcast. He shivered slightly as the wind blew, his bangs falling forward into his eyes, hiding them.

“Come on. Talk to me, kid.” Beidou nudged, downing the rest of her bottle and throwing it to the side, turning in her seat to watch him.

She could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes; his tense jaw, his white knuckled grip on the metal, the trembling of his legs. He was taking deep breaths to keep calm, his lip quivering as his breath hitched for a second. He appeared to be contemplating over telling her.

She didn’t push him, letting him get his thoughts together as she swung softly, reaching down to grab another bottle. Her eyes scanned their surroundings as her junior collected his bearings, listening to the distant sounds of cars honking and loud music playing a few blocks away.

Kazuha on the other hand felt like it was too quiet, his brows pinching as he tried to repress those sudden emotions. He was completely fine earlier, but suddenly being in her presence, he just wanted to throw up all his emotions that he was quite unsuccessful in processing the week before. He had been so hesitant in telling her about his family life when they first met, but now it felt like he would burn if he didn’t just lay it all out before her.

He wanted someone to know.

He needed someone to know.

“I…”

It instantly caught her attention, her head turning to watch him from the corner of her eye, tracing his movements as he brought the bottle to his lips again and took a sip as if to calm himself.

He didn’t start immediately, sorting his thoughts first before he told her anything. If she was to know, he would tell her correctly; it wouldn’t be half assed. Just like when he had told her about the time he had been assaulted, he would be laying his heart out once more to her to see, and although he knew it would be in good hands, he couldn’t help but be scared.

“I want to tell you about my childhood.” He started, forcing himself to loosen his grip on the metal as he could run his hand through his hair, a sigh leaving him as he slouched slightly.

“It’s another sore topic for me. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone how hard it was. Except maybe to some girl in my senior year of high school when I was drunk.” He smiled slightly, but it didn’t last long as he captured his bottom lip between his teeth.

Beidou listened intently, but didn’t face him. She didn’t want him to feel like he was on the spot, or feel pressured so say more than he wanted to.

The crickets chirping filled the silence once more as Kazuha shifted to get more comfortable, huddled to keep any warmth.

“I didn’t have a tragic childhood.” He mumbled, his fingers digging into the edges of the blankets, pulling them in tightly against his chest. “I didn’t experience any life changing deaths in the family or had some unfortunate time in the hospital. I was just like any other kid you see on the streets.

“Except… maybe I wasn’t as happy.” He finished with a sigh, his eyes glazed over with a tinge of sadness as he recalled a time from back then.

“My parents were both emotionally distant. One more than the other.”

Kazuha chanced a glance over to her, his eyes flicking down once they made eye contact. He almost seemed ashamed.

“My father in particular was rough with me. I always thought it was tough love, but thinking back on it now, I have my doubts.” Nibbling on his lower lip, he smiled softly as he dipped his head so his hair hid his face from view. “He would force me to learn different kinds of martial arts. He was my personal teacher.” If he shivered at the thought, neither said anything.

Beidou could see where this was going.

“He… I-…” taking a moment to breathe, Kazuha steadied his trembling fingers, his body freezing up at the memories that came flooding back to him. Memories he only ever dreamt about.

“Our sessions were brutal. More often than not, I was covered in bruises, sores running as deep as my bones, blood dripping from my nose if I was unlucky. My palms had to be bandaged from all the times I would dig my nails in to stop myself from screaming or complaining. He hated when I did, and would punish me for it by making me do more repetitions.” Once the words started, it almost seemed as if he couldn’t stop. It was a result of keeping it in for so long. It was a wonder how he hadn’t exploded. “His hand was heavy, but his words more so. I hated disappointing him, so I would push for perfection, never settling for anything less.”

His shoulders shook. From crying or from the cold, neither knew.

“All I ever wanted was for him to tell me that he was proud of me.”

Kazuha knew for sure then that he was crying. The warm trail the tear left instantly went cold with the bitter wind, starting to make his face feel numb.

“I was an only child. I don’t know why I was so surprised that he was so hellbent on me inheriting the company. You should have seen how angry he was at me when he found out I was going to study in the humanities field.” Kazuha chuckled to himself at that, his heels digging into the mulch so he could start to swing himself gently.

“My mother was such a pushover. Still is. She never had a say in anything, and never seemed to care about it. All she is interested in is having grandkids.” Snorting at that thought, Kazuha finally looks up, his eyes grazing the clouds in search of the moon. “I wonder how she will react when she finds out I’m in love with my roommate.” A bitter smile crossed his lips then, his eyebrows pinching once more as he thought about it. “Even if I did find a wife and had kids, it’s quite absurd for her to think that I would let them have any say in how I raised them. No kid should have to go through that.”

Beidou just watched him from the corner of her eye the entire time, letting him pour out his heart as it was sorely obvious that he needed it.

“They only ever call me if they need anything. It’s never to genuinely ask if I’m okay, or if I’m happy, or if there is anything I need help with. It’s always ‘have you found a lady? Have you changed your mind? Don’t let your father down.’

“Like shit. I’m barely getting through senior year and a heartbreak.” Huffing in annoyance, he blew his bangs from his face, his hand coming up to dry the cooling trails of his tears. “I just want a hug. Or a kiss.” Taking a large swig of his beer, he laughed to himself.

“Or even a quick fuck. At this point, I don’t know.”

That tall, pale haired, muscled man that he saw at Sara’s tattoo parlor would be a great candidate.

Tall, pale haired, muscled men.

That’s all he ever thinks about. It’s pathetic.

If he can’t have Tomo, he finds ways to replace him for a short while, when he knows damn well the other could never be replaced. He knew that moving on wouldn’t be easy, but trying to find the same characteristics that Tomo has in another man wasn’t going to help the issue. Knowing his luck, he’d moan the wrong name during sex, and that’s something he’d rather never deal with.

Not to mention, Aether was right there.

No. How could he? Aether was his friend, and nothing more. What happened in Ritou was a drunken mistake and was not going to be repeated.

He doesn’t remember having the blond’s tongue in his mouth, or their intimate grinding on the dance floor. No doubt that more had happened between them at some point while surrounded by their friends, but that wasn’t the point.

The point was: It wasn’t going to happen. Not ever. Besides, there was no way in hell Aether felt more than friendship with him. Their relationship was simple and innocent.

Groaning to himself, he sat up, taking another swig of his beer. He needed a lot more if he was to withstand his visit with his parents.

“I think the nicest thing that they did for me… well-“ huffing at the thought, he smiled to himself, “the nicest thing that my mom did for me, was get me a hamster.” Kazuha couldn’t help the bigger smile as he thought about his pet. She had been a dwarf hamster; tiny, sweet, and soft. Her tri-colored fur was soft against his nose whenever he brought her up to his face, her fuzzy paws grabbing onto it as she would sniff, her rather large whiskers tickling his cheeks. He remembers the anguish he felt when she died of old age. It felt like he had been dying, as dramatic as that sounds. He had been a little kid. She never got him a new one, her reasoning being that he had more important things to deal with, and that a pet would only be a distraction.

Huh. He should really get himself a hamster.

When silence finally settled between them, neither were in a hurry to fill it. It was almost comforting to the ivory haired male, as he swung and rested his head against the metal chain.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, my childhood leaves a lot to be desired. It was rough, and psychologically damaging. I have scars on my body from my training, but they don’t hurt like the ones that I feel on my heart.” It sounded a bit corny for him to say that, but he truly meant it.

There were some things that he left unsaid, but he knew that as smart as Beidou was, she could read between the lines and figure it out for herself.

She sighed and gulped her second beer, having to hold a burp down so as to not break the delicate mood. She wasn’t an animal. As she cleared her throat she rolled her shoulder back, her eyes scanning the night sky.

Her plan had been to spend their night there at the park, but it seemed as if it no longer would be enough. She dug her heel into the mulch to stop her swinging, she threw the empty bottle down and stood up quickly, turning to look over at the melancholic male. Without saying anything, she grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up, ignoring his surprised gasp to push him towards the other set of swings.

“Let’s get your head out of your ass, yea?” She chuckled, pushing him over to the tire swing and demanding he sit down. With a confused gaze, he lowered himself onto it, watching as the woman joined him inside the swing.

“You ever been on one, kid?” At the shake of Kazuha’s head, she gave him the sweetest smile she could muster. “I reckon you should hold on tight then.”

She didn’t even give him a chance to properly wrap his hands around the cool metal chains, once more digging her heel into the mulch and twisting her entire body, pushing the swing into motion. Kazuha hadn’t been expecting it, yelping as they suddenly took off at such a high speed, his fingers gripping onto the supports for dear life.

Beidou hollered, switching to having the point of her shoe dig into the ground, changing the speed of the swing and sending Kazuha into a dizzy state immediately.

She could have sworn that was a laugh.

Grinning, she forced the swing to stop, letting the other catch his breath before she threw the swing in the opposite direction without warning, actually sending Kazuha off the swing backwards.

“Oof!” Kazuha groaned, his legs still tangled up in the swing as Beidou threw her head back in a raucous laugh. Kazuha tried to glare at her but couldn’t help the few laughs that escaped him. It wasn’t even that funny, but the woman knew how to get a kick out of him.

“Oh come on.” Beidou extended her hand for him to sit up, the both of them dusting themselves off from the dirt that was kicked up. “I know where we can go to cheer you up.”

They ended up at an ice cream parlor that was open till eleven, the service hours a little odd but appreciated. The worker sat in a chair in the corner on his phone, a tired drag to his face. No doubt the shop would close for the year soon due to the drastic dip in cold weather.

The both of them talked about anything and everything, just like every Friday evening. It was almost as if what happened at the park never actually came to pass, and Kazuha was grateful for it. He could spill to her and she would never make it a huge deal in order to make him comfortable, and that was something he loved about the brunette. Vulnerability without consequences.

They stayed out till a little over half past twelve, the woman dropping him off earlier than usual.

He was taking off his shoes when he looked up, slightly jumping at seeing Tomo slouched over the kitchen bar. Almost as if he had been waiting for him.

“How was Aether’s?” Tomo asked. Kazuha couldn’t help but freeze, feeling a chill crawl up his spine. There was a look in the blond’s eyes that he couldn’t identify, but it bothered him. Something wasn’t right.

“Fine…” Slowly taking off his other shoe, he watched as Tomo nodded and straightened up, the other rounding the bar and headed towards his room.

“I’m going to crash. Don’t forget we leave early in the morning.” And with that, he closes the door, leaving the other in complete silence. The ticking of the clock seemed painfully loud.

Kazuha stood there for a bit, his mind trying to catch up with the short interaction. It was over before it really started. He had a bad feeling, but he brushed it under the rug and chalked it up to it being his paranoia. Everything was fine.

They had a long day tomorrow.

“Tama’s coming?” Yoimiya asked, surprised as she watched the white fur ball jump into the back seat before Kazuha, the feline immediately curling up near the heat of the AC. Ayaka turned to look as well, her boyfriend already in the process of bothering Tama by poking her butt to get a reaction. Swatting his hand away, Kazuha hums as he settles down, stretching his legs out as he rubs his eyes.

He didn’t get good sleep the night before.

“How will he get the cat in the hotel? It isn’t pet-friendly.”

“He’ll shove her into his shirt. No one would be able to tell with his tits.” Tohma jokes, avoiding the swat to his face from Yoimiya.

Said blond climbed into the back seat after putting in the last bag in the trunk, closing the door behind him quickly and sighing at the warmth. Tama hopped into his lap happily, purring as she curled up to take a nap.

Kazuha made himself as small as he could between the two large men, knowing it would be one hell of a car ride stuck between the two.

Or at least, it would have been if he hadn’t knocked out on Tohma’s shoulder fifteen minutes into the ride. He woke up two hours later to the sound of Yoimiya’s phone going off, her alarm waking him from his slumber. It was Gorou asking if they had arrived at the ferry parking lot yet, where they were supposed to meet up so they could take the ferry to Tsurumi Island, where they would be spending the night after touring ancient ruins which were said to be haunted. It was a bit weird that they chose to do this now instead of during Halloween season, but from pictures Kazuha had seen, other popular tourist attractions on the island really knew how to decorate for Christmas.

They arrived at the parking lot about ten minutes later; Kokomi, Gorou, and the twins all sat on a bench in the cold, holding cups of what Kazuha had to guess was hot cocoa due to the large blue thermos on the floor beside them.

Tomo patted his thighs before opening the car door and jumping out, Tama wrapped up in his jacket to shield her from the cold. Kazuha sighed as he pulled his scarf up higher, stepping out into the frigid weather that almost made him want to seize up. Wrapping his arms around himself, he made his way to his group of friends, Kokomi already handing out more cups with hot cocoa. Kazuha had been right.

He accepted a cup with a smile and a nod, blowing into the cup softly before taking a small sip, careful to avoid burning his tongue the way Tohma had a few seconds prior.

They finished their drinks quickly when it was announced that the ferry would be leaving shortly, and that the passengers should start boarding immediately. Everyone grabbed their own bags and waited in line, waiting to be accepted into the ride and find a seat. Gorou stood behind them all shaking, his teeth chattering at the cold even though he was bundled up nicely. Most likely Kokomo’s doing.

Kazuha jumped when he felt a large hand on his lower back, guiding him forward into the ferry after their tickets got checked. He didn’t have to look behind him to know it was Tomo’s hand. The weight was familiar.

They shuffled into the cabin and took off their outer jackets, the warmth inside enough to make them overheat if they kept them on. Kazuha had chosen a seat by a window, sinking into his chair and rolling his head back, his eyelashes fluttering shut as he sighed. He didn’t get the best sleep the night before after all.

He couldn’t.

Not with the way Tomo had spoken the night before.

Not with how Tomo’s eyes had practically undressed him in the most uncomfortable way. Like he knew.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that the man himself sat next to him, his arm wrapping around the back of his seat as he crossed his ankles before him. His fingertips had slightly ghosted his nape, his body shuddering at the delicate touch. He kept his eyes closed though. A sense of false peace.

The ride didn’t take longer than forty minutes, and they were off the ferry just as quickly as they got on. They took a short bus ride to their hotel, where they checked in and dumped their overnight bags in their respective rooms. Kazuha tried not to tense up as Tomo moved around their room, hearing Yoimiya in the room next to them as she hummed to her music. Tama was on the floor, sniffing her way around the room and getting familiar, batting at a spider she found in the corner.

The room wasn’t big, but it was good for a night. Considering it was a large room divided into two, a twin bed on one side of the wall and a full on the other, it was pretty cheap and comfortable. With that said, there wasn’t much room between the foot of the bed and the chest the tv sat on. So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when Kazuha felt a hand on his lower back for the second time that day, the blond excusing himself as he moved around him to pick Tama up.

Tomo had always been physical, and maybe Kazuha was reading too much into it, but his touch seemed hotter. More frequent.

Another, better describing word itched at the back of his mind, but he refused to even think about it.

It was only the thought of a man who was hopelessly pining for an unattainable man.

It didn’t help when Tomo passed him once more, his hand sitting low on his hip. He paused behind him to lean over, the blond’s front all along the expense of the shorter male’s back. His lips tickled the top of his ear, and Kazuha couldn’t help the sudden whine that wanted to rip from his throat.

“You can take either side. I don’t care.” He murmured before he stepped back, grabbing Tama from his shoulder to put on another sweater, as the one she currently wore was too thin.

Kazuha was frozen in his spot, eyes wide and too stunned to speak. His own reaction to the simple touch was uncalled for. Especially when in response to the ticklish feeling. That reaction was far from a laugh, and his entire body heated up at the thought. Kazuha quickly excused himself and stumbled into Yoimiya’s side of the room, his face still bright red from his embarrassment no doubt. She didn’t notice, however, as her back was turned, so Kazuha slipped out of the room and into the hallway, where he rested his back against the door and took a deep breath to calm himself.

He took a walk in the lobby to cool off, exploring what the hotel had to offer to only find out it was pretty boring. Not surprising, as they did get a good price on their stay. Beggars couldn’t be choosers.

The gang eventually regrouped, Gorou and Tohma bickering over where to eat. Kokomi pulled on the ginger’s ear when he got too loud, his yelp echoing in the lobby as he rubbed the lobe, a pout on his face. Ayaka had done similar, giving her boyfriend a disapproving look. Tohma could only smile sheepishly.

“Let’s go down to the dock!” Yoimiya smiled, her finger pointing down at her phone, where she had a map open of the local area. “From there, we can go to the small museum located on the water. It’s only a ten minute walk. Not too bad.”

“In this weather? I’ll freeze my non-existent tail off.” Gorou huffed, crossing his arms as he watched the blond.

“Don’t be a pussy.” Yoimiya bit back, elbowing him on the side.

Kazuha shot Tomo a disapproving look as he was about to shove his cold hand into the other blond’s jacket, but went ignored. Rolling his eyes, the short male followed Kokomi out the building, who was hailing down a taxi. He stuck close to her, trying to fight off the winter chill.

What he would do to go back to the spring he and Beidou had visited the month before.

“You okay?” Kokomo’s soft voice whispered, the harsh wind almost blowing her voice away with it. Kazuha only shrugged, digging his face further into his scarf to shiver. Damn. He should have brought ear muffs.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, turning towards him as she put a gloved hand on his back, rubbing it gently.

Sighing, Kazuha shrugged again, his eyes darting out to look over the water. The wind closely resembled wolves as it howled in his ear.

“I don’t know.” The male relented. Kokomi wasn’t Beidou, but he long learned that it was better to spill than to let it bottle up and needlessly fester till it exploded. The last time that happened, it hadn’t been pretty. Shooting a look to make sure everyone else was still in the lobby, he looked over at Kokomi’s soft eyes, gently pressing him to tell her what was making him uncomfortable. “It’s Tomo.” Kokomi perked at that, an eyebrow raising as her eyes slowly slid over to the glass doors, watching the blond bother Yoimiya. Lumine was recording the whole thing.

“What did he do?”

“More like what he isn’t doing.” Kazuha grumbled, stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets to fight off the tingling feeling at the tips of his fingers.

Kokomi didn’t say anything further, letting him gather his thoughts as he shuffled uncomfortably in his spot.

“He’s really physical. It’s not that I mind it but…” closing his eyes to take a deep breath, he shuddered again as the wind blew. “I don’t know.”

“Do you not like that he’s touching you?”

“No, it’s just… I know if Baal was here, she wouldn’t like how close he is with me. He can’t help it, I know, but I can’t help but feel guilty.” He shrugged, suddenly feeling stupid.

Kokomi breaths out, shaking her head as she hugs him.

“It’s not your fault. That’s something they both have to talk about. If she has a problem with it, she should bring it up. You two are very close; it’s not like he’s only physical with you.” Almost as if to prove her point, they watched as Tomo dug his hands up Tohma’s shirt from behind, groping his chest as they both laughed. Kazuha cringed, turning to look at his friend as she sighed. “If you want, I can sit between you two at lunch.” She smiled softly at him, just as a car slowed down to the shoulder in front of them. The rest of the gang came out, pooling into the three seater. Kazuha groaned at the warmth, feeling Kokomi’s long hair brush against his hand as she sat next to him, Gorou taking his place beside her.

The restaurant they ended up going to was a seafood bar. Yoimiya had called while they were still at the hotel to make sure there was seating, and reserved a spot by the windows so they could watch the water. It wasn’t fancy, but it was clearly a popular tourist spot for a quick nibble.

Kokomi kept her word and sat next to him, Gorou following after with a tall blond in tow. They ordered a few small dishes and shared a bucket of crustaceans, where Gorou and Aether gagged, neither a fan of clams. The food had been filling, and their table was warm with laughter and conversations. Kazuha had busied himself in braiding Kokomo’s hair, only speaking when he was spoken to. He was still quite tired, and was really looking forward to sleeping later that night.

Just as Yoimiya said, the museum was a ten minute walk away, but they ended up running five of those minutes, the cold seeping in through their jackets. The only one who kept toasty was Ayaka who was wearing several jackets and was sweating by the end of their impromptu jog.

They got a tour guide who was very enthusiastic, showing them around and speaking very vividly about any and everything they stopped by. She explained the plant life, spoke enthusiastically about the wolves that inhabited the island, and prattled about the urban legends. Kazuha was mainly interested in the folk tales, whereas Kokomi happily pointed out the pictures of jellyfish that they had hanging on the wall. Tohma stopped by a tank and said just how much he wanted to put the mushrooms in his mouth.

They learned about the ancient tribe that had resided there at one point, and the god that they worshiped annually with many ceremonies. A specific ritual made Kazuha’s stomach turn, and he tuned out as soon as their guide explained how they would offer a child to said god as a gift.

Never once did Kokomi’s hand leave his.

At the small gift shop that they passed by just before leaving, Ayaka bought Tohma a small replica mushroom of the one he had pointed out, the charm dangling from a bracelet. Yoimiya pressed a fist to her lips to stifle her laughter, her face turning red at the attempt.

They visited a small aquarium next, the outside cutely decorated for Christmas. The aquarium mostly housed life that was from the island, but it was cool nonetheless. Especially when they passed by a pool of turtles that had bioluminescent shells. Aether had nudged his side at one point, walking next to him as his sister talked with Yoimiya about some eels they saw.

“How ya hanging?” Aether asked, his finger trailing against a tank as they walked. “You’ve been real quiet.”

Kazuha just smiled at him, shrugging.

“Just tired, is all.”

Aether clearly didn’t believe him, but they continued walking together, Kokomi stopping them a few times so she could stare into the tanks. Especially when they passed by the jellyfish, where she took out her phone to snap a quick picture of them.

“Alright marine biology nerd.” Kazuha joked, watching the other roll her eyes.

By the time they left the aquarium, it was time for a quick dinner before they retired to their rooms. A cozy ramen place was suggested, so that’s exactly where they went. Kazuha actually ended up squished between the twins at the restaurant, but he waved at Kokomi’s concern with a smile. He’ll be alright.

Kazuha wasn’t really hungry, so Aether proposed they share. Lumine said she’d let him have some of her spicy ramen if he wanted as well.

While they waited for the food, Kazuha started to drift off in the booth, his head meeting Lumine’s shoulder a few times. When the food finally had been served, he took a few sips of the tonkotsu broth before he let Aether know that he was full. He really just wanted to sleep.

The short male wasn’t the only one, it seemed. Ayaka looked dead on her feet and Gorou looked absolutely famished.

When they did get back to the hotel, they all said their good nights as they walked down the hallway, the three of them stumbling into their room for a good night’s sleep. Yoimiya fell face first into the pillow, sprawling out on the bed as she did so. Kazuha bets she was glad at having the whole bed to herself. A white blur dashed through the room and the doorway, jumping on the bed he was meant to share with the blond, her tail flicked every which way to grab their attention.

“Yea, yea.” Tomo sighed as he took out her food and water dishes, filling them up. Kazuha could bet Tomo wasn’t looking forward to going back out to let Tama do her business.

As tired as he was, Kazuha wanted to take a shower before heading to bed.

The shower head wasn’t the best, but that wasn’t a surprise, as most hotels had terrible water pressure. The water was pleasantly warm though, and he might have slightly fallen asleep under the shower, but neither blond needed to know that. His face heated up as he slipped, catching himself on the wall before he could fall. It would be best if he finished up and went to bed.

As he towels off, he became slightly nervous at the prospect of sleeping with Tomo.

The blond was a cuddler.

He found that out early on in their friendship. Whenever both of them fell asleep on the couch after watching a movie, it wasn’t odd to find them tangled up in the morning. Hell, whenever Tomo bothered Kazuha when he was still in bed, he would wrap around the other and pull him to his chest. As nice as it felt, Kazuha couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Baal really didn’t like him, and he couldn’t help but still want a friendship with her even if she was quite rude. Maybe if she felt less threatened, things would cool down.

How would she know?

A little voice in the back of his head said.

She wasn’t there, was she?

No…

But it still felt wrong. No matter how much Kazuha craved the other’s touch, he couldn’t put himself in such an uncomfortable position. Sure he wasn’t initiating the contact…

Maybe it wasn’t too late to sleep in Aether’s room.

He finished toweling dry and slipped on the large t-shirt over his shoulders. It had been Tomo’s before it shrunk in the drier. One of the many, many unfortunate victims of the wash. The short male could still remember how hard he laughed when Tomo showed him the damage. His pout had been too out of place to not laugh.

Tomo was entering through the main door when he left the bathroom, the cat sticking her head in to peek before she followed him to their room.

Kazuha plopped down on the side closest to the door, leaving Tomo to take the window side. He watched as Tama made herself into a ball next to him by the pillows, her head resting on his shoulder as her blue eyes bore into his. Her fur was cold when he dug his fingers into it, the chill biting his palm as he pet her. Tama closed her eyes as he scratched behind her ears, purring when he got to her cheek.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kazuha could see Tomo slip off his shirt.

Ignoring the slight warmth that blanketed his cheeks, he continued to give the ball of fur attention, collecting her in his arms to put her on his chest for easier access. She rolled onto her side, her eyes opening to watch her owner move around the room.

Shirtless.

And if Kazuha slightly salivated at the sight of his back, he blamed it all on the lack of sleep.

The lights went out soon after, Tama taking the bottom of the bed, curled up under the sheets in the warmth. Kazuha laid on his side, facing away from the window, and Tomo himself. He let himself sink into the cheap hotel bed, his eyelids hanging low, slowly sliding shut as he tried to regulate his breathing. If he ignored that Tomo was on the other side, he might actually be able to sleep. It worked pretty well, until he felt a sharp shiver wrack his frame, his teeth chattering for a slight moment. Tomo laughed from behind, a quiet snort as he shifted.

“Cold?”

Kazuha nodded, and only hummed when he thought Tomo hadn’t seen. His grip on the sheets tightened, trying to wrap himself in the thin blankets that donned the bed. Of course it wouldn’t be enough with the chill from outside seeping in from who knows where, the sheets thin enough to be considered a poor excuse of a tablecloth.

More shifting from Tomo’s side of the bed before he felt familiar muscular arms wrap around his midriff, tugging him back against an equally muscular chest. Kazuha froze in place, feeling fingertips tease the bare skin that peaked from below his shirt. Their legs tangled easily under the covers, a short quiet growl coming from Tama when she was jostled from the nest she made below.

Lips brushed against the shell of his ear, causing another shiver down his spine, and in turn the grip around him tightened.

“Sleep.” That was a lot easier said than done, especially in that gravely voice that sent a shock to his lower belly, a large hand sneaking below the edge of his shirt and gliding upwards teasingly.

Kazuha really did try his best, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the warmth in his cheeks to just leave him alone, his thighs trying to pinch together, but was unsuccessful due to the knee resting between them. His embarrassment only mounted higher when he gasped audibly as a thumb and pinky dragged against his nipples, the next shiver a full body experience, his legs clamping around Tomo’s leg in between. He didn’t need to check to know that his nipples were hard under the cotton of his nightshirt, and was only confirmed correct as Tomo dragged his fingers over them again, the blond nosing at nis nape.

“C-can’t sleep if you continue t-” Kazuha gasped and tried to pull away from the touch, his face aflame, “-continue to t-tickle me.” He ground out behind clenched teeth, trying and failing miserably to brush off his wiggling as being ticklish and not extremely aroused.

Playing it off wouldn’t be a struggle, it seems, as Tomo was snoring the next moment, out like a light while still wrapped around the smaller male. His limbs were heavy with exhaustion, and with how entangled they were, Kazuha would only end up waking the other male if he tried to escape. He laid there on his side, stiff as a plank, his friend’s hand still in his shirt keeping him plastered against the other’s chest, Tomo’s soft, even breathing against his nape ticklish.

Looks like he was going to sleep with an unfortunate erection.

The following day was full to the brim with activities. Kazuha was dragged around by the hand wherever they went. Whether it was stuck between the twins or behind Kokomi, he was never alone for more than a few seconds.

Their lunch and dinner breaks consisted of trying new food, and dessert resulted in Tohma choking on a tapioca pearl that went down the wrong way.

Shuffling back into the ferry had been quite the ordeal, as the bunch of college students crowded into the cabin and promptly passed out. Kazuha sat by a window once more, and managed to not jump when the blond crashed next to him, his hand flying up to push Tama’s head back into his jacket.

“I know sweetheart, but not yet.” Tomo whispered, scratching behind her ear as she laid back down. Thank the archons for the puffy jacket the other wore, or that would look weird.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, so he pulled it out, a smile tugging at his lips as he saw the name that popped up. Kazuha had changed the name on his phone as a joke, causing him to snicker whenever it showed up on his screen.

12/14/XX 06:13 Sneaky Link: how’s the trip been?

Biting his lip in an attempt to stop the smile from spreading, he quickly texted back.

12/14/XX 06:14 Me: Enjoyable

12/14/XX 06:14 Me: I could do without the cold though

12/14/XX 06:14 Sneaky Link: Oh I bet your tight ass it’s cold

12/14/XX 06:15 Sneaky Link: I was there over the summer, and even then it was breezy

Kazuha couldn’t help a snort at that, a hand coming up to cover his lips.

“Who’s that?” Kazuha did jump that time. He forgot the large presence beside him.

Scrambling to turn his phone off and drop it into his lap, he cleared his throat.

“Just a friend!” Chancing a glance up at the other, he caught sight of his furrowed brows and a frown. “Just checking up on me after the trip.” The nervous laughter after gave him away, but he tried to play it off anyways. Scrambling for anything to take attention away from Beidou’s messages, he quickly opened his mouth again, his voice almost a squeak before he cleared his throat a second time.

“Actually, I wanted to let you know about something.”

At that, Tomo sat up straighter, all his attention on the shorter male as he slightly turned towards him, letting him know that he was listening intently. Biting his lip, his hands balled up on his lap, his gaze flickering to the rest of the group as he opened his mouth.

“My parents want me home over break.”

Kazuha didn’t know it was even possible for the blond to sit up straighter.

“What? Why?” His eyebrows were furrowed, completely forgetting Kazuha’s nervous attempt at hiding his phone. There was worry etched in every nook of the blond’s face, his eyes showing thorough concern for him.

Tomo was very aware of Kazuha’s relationship with his parents. His father specifically. He doesn’t know the intricacies of his troubled past with his father, but he liked it that way. He wasn’t ready to spill on the other just yet, and the burden he had carried in regards to his parents was no longer as heavy thanks to the saint that Beidou was. Didn’t change the fact that Tomo knew just how much Kazuha dreaded going back home, and would not return of his own volition unless he absolutely needed to. A night together on Tomo’s bed with two bottles of Sake made sure that Tomo knew the grievances Kazuha held towards his father specifically.

A warm hand grasped his wrist, his brows still furrowed.

“Are you sure you are okay with that?” Tomo’s voice dipped, quiet enough only for them both to hear.

Shrugging, Kazuha watched the waves outside the window, chewing on his bottom lip. He wasn’t excited. Of course not. He would be going back to his childhood home to relive childhood memories that he would much rather stay in his subconsciousness. Was he okay with it? Well, he would much rather be doing something else with his friends, but he wasn’t going to die over it.

“I guess…” He grumbled, running his free hand up his arm as he bit the inside of his cheek.

“Kazuha.” When The short male didn’t look over, he felt a tug on his arm. “Kazuha, look at me.”

Sighing, he turned in his seat to look at the other, his eyes low and looking through his eyelashes, lips pulled in a faint pout.

“You don’t have to go.”

“And have a new one ripped into me? Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Kazuha, listen to me.” Tomo growled out, his gaze fierce in a way that made him shiver. “If you are uncomfortable in the environment, or even feel unsafe, that is a good enough reason not to go.”

“But they are my parents-”

“Who shouldn’t have been. I"m beyond grateful that they brought you into this world, but that is as far as I’ll go. Some people weren’t meant to be parents, and they are ‘some people’.” Tomo looked over his shoulder once to make sure no one was listening in. “It won"t kill you if you don"t show up.”

“But their disappointment might.” Kazuha whispered, sinking into his chair as he closed his eyes, exhaling deeply through his nose.

Tomo could only grunt, grabbing the other by the shoulders and bringing him into a hug.

“Everything will be okay.” Kazuha could just nod in the nook between his chin and shoulder, sticking his hand in the other’s jacket to pet the white ball nestled in there.

“You say the word and I’ll pick you up myself.”

After his talk with Tomo, Kazuha felt… odd.

It was a feeling he didn’t want to think too much into, and sighed as he shook his head to get rid of the thoughts from the day prior. The rich scent of coffee invaded his senses, soothing the tension he felt along his shoulder blades, his mouth tingling with the remnants of the vanilla cream in his coffee. The warmth of the shop settled deep within his bones, making him hum in contentment. After the rough chill he experienced over the weekend, the warmth was very much appreciated.

He had his laptop open before him, a document open as he went over his notes.

His first midterm had been that morning, taking up a good two hours and a half before he was released from the hall, his shoulders aching from hunching over his test. He hadn’t been completely fortunate like some of his other friends; He was hoping a few of his professors would require a written essay for grading and be done with it, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for Kazuha. Well, other than Professor Crux, that is. With the sudden appearance of their new teacher, finals were out of the question. They were, however, required to sit in that Saturday to make up for not having a test. It was utter bullshit, but he would take it anyway.

Kazuha wished he could have more than two classes with the brunette, but alas, the class was only a semester long, and he checked off one of the last few requirements for graduation.

A cheeky smile graced his lips. He may not have Professor Crux on Saturday mornings, but he did have Miss Beidou on Friday nights. A fair tradeoff, he thinks.

The document on his laptop stared back at him, almost mockingly, when he realized he wouldn’t be getting any work done. His mind was just somewhere else, and incapable of focusing on what was at hand.

Lowering the top down with a soft click, the ivory haired male sat back in the booth, taking another sip of his coffee as he glanced out the windows, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” An alluring voice spoke from across the table, making him slightly jump. Her bright eyes glinted, soft hair pulled back into a low braid, fair skin on display against the black uniform.

“Yae.” Smiling shyly, he placed his hands in his lap, giving her his full attention.

“You seemed to be deep in thought, so I wasn’t sure if my presence was welcome.” She teased, taking pleasure in the soft pink that dusted his cheeks as Kazuha lightly sputtered.

“No, it’s alright. I need to stop thinking, in fact.” Smiling down at the table, his hand went up to brush through his loose locks. “I’ve been thinking too much recently.”

Yae lifted a brow, a manicured hand grabbing her drink to take a sip, her eyes never leaving him.

“Thinking of that boy?”

His head whipped up to stare at her, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He never told her. He knew very well that Yae was Baal’s closest friend, so he wouldn’t dare spill the beans, unless…

Unless Sara told her.

“What boy?” Even with the cold sweat starting at his nape, knowing very well that his reaction ratted him out, he still tried to walk it off.

Yae snorted, flipping what hair had come loose over his shoulder, resting her elbow against the table and pouted exaggeratingly, her chin resting in her hand as she tilted her head to the side, but never once breaking eye contact with the short male.

“I don’t look that obvious, do I?” When Kazuha didn’t know how to respond, she just laughed and waved it off.

“You are quite obvious.”

That didn’t make matters any better.

“...How obvious?”

“Extremely.”

“As in ‘Baal-Knows’ obvious?” He couldn’t help but gulp, a shiver overtaking his body as he waited for her answer.

Yae didn’t answer right away, as she took time to inspect her nails before looking back at him, a soft smile on her pink lips, a certain look in her eyes that made him want to dive under the closest chair in a poor attempt to hide.

“Of course.”

If he was a lesser man, he would have cried.

At least he knows for sure why Baal hates him so much. Kazuha sighed as he sank into his chair, slumping as the words made a home at the forefront of his mind.

Of course she knew. Why wouldn’t she?

“That… explains a lot, actually.”

“Oh honey, it’s not a bad thing.” Yae stretched her hand to his side, trying to catch his eyes. “Baal knew what she was getting into.”

“Did she really?”

“Well, if going by what she told me about her first meeting with Tomo, she definitely knew. Before she met you. It isn’t a secret that Tomo holds you in high regard.” Yae scoffed, her eyes still holding that glint that made him squirm in his seat.

“Neither of you are secretive.” Yae continued, her head lolling to the side to watch the snow fall outside the window.

Kazuha however, didn’t hear, too busy pulling at his hair as he groaned out in despair.

Tuesday’s final wasn’t as unpleasant as he expected, so he wasn’t a bundle of anxiety as he made his way over to the front desk of Sara’s workplace, giving the buff male behind the counter a soft smile. The man had two complete sleeves, some ink poking through his shirt’s collar as it curled over his collarbone. His ears harbored many piercings, along with his face. Despite his hulking stature and intimidating appearance, he was quite sweet, engaging Kazuha in a conversation, waiting for the woman to appear from behind.

“Ittou, don’t bother him.” Sara murmured, slightly shoving him away from the desk to grab something before she motioned Kazuha to follow her. Sending another smile towards the blond, he followed Sara to the back, where she gestured to him to sit. On the counter in the room, she opened her tablet and fingered through the images, most likely taking a peak at the design before she swiveled him around, instructing him to take off his shirt.

When she returned to the room, she handed him a clipboard where he had to fill in a few papers and sign. She informed him that payment would be dealt with after, as she couldn’t bother to do it while Ittou was still at the front desk.

While she rubbed alcohol into his forearm, she instructed him where the garbage was unless he got sick, in which he assured her that it wouldn’t be a problem. After she shaved the area to get rid of the fine hairs, she grabbed the stencil off the counter and applied deodorant onto his skin before applying it. The sensation wasn’t pleasant, but he made sure not to move as she gently pressed on his skin.

It was quiet between them as she worked, but Kazuha chalked it up to her concentrating on what she was doing, so it slightly surprised him when she spoke up.

“No development between you and that oaf?” Kazuha cracked a smile at that, and got more comfortable in the chair as she peeled the thermal paper away, his side groaning at the stiff chair.

“Unsurprisingly, no.” Sara hummed at that, turning around to throw the stencil away, preparing the work station as she poured ink into the ink caps.

Water and vaseline was put alongside the machine and tray, the needle being adjusted as she fiddled with it, the soft sounds helping him relax further. It wasn’t until she was well on her way tracing the design when she spoke up again, her voice soft against the buzzing of the machine.

“I think I understand now what you meant that night.” She whispered, her hand coming up to wipe at the blood that seeped up.

“At one point I thought you had just uttered bullshit and ignored what you said, but I get it now.” Kazuha didn’t dare breathe, listening to her work as she shuffled around.

“It really doesn’t get easier.”

After she sighed, she sat back to grab another towel to wipe at his skin, grabbing more ink.

“It’s just easier to bear. Knowing it isn’t your fault.”

The session went without a hitch, and Kazuha walked home slightly sore on both sides for different reasons, and his forearm pulsing. He studied a bit before he crashed, splayed across his bed and out like a light before his roommate got home.

On Wednesday he found himself in the library sitting across Aether, who had a faraway look on his face since they met up. His shoulders were hunched, eye bags lining his eyes and lips bitten with worry. Kazuha chalked it up to him simply being nervous for his test the following day, so he continued working on his test on his laptop, humming when he hit a block on one of the last essay questions.

His eyes glazed across the library as he thought, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he hummed softly to himself, fingers drumming on the wood of the table. His eyes eventually landed on Aether and his work.

His textbook hadn’t been touched, pens and notes left to the side waiting for his attention. Aether continued to stare a hole into the spine of his book, a somewhat sad look to his eyes. Glazing at the timer on his test, he sighed and pushed his laptop to the side, grabbing the blond’s attention.

Golden eyes flickered up to meet his before they flickered away, a guilty look replacing the sadness that had resided there a few seconds before. Aether would not meet his gaze.

“Is everything okay?” Kazuha prodded, tilting his head, trying to grab the other’s attention.

The blond nodded, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Just uh- tired. And stressed.” Kazuha knew immediately that the other was lying, if the waver in his voice was anything to go by. The language major didn’t know how to broach the topic, so he dropped it, nodding and going back to his test. It wasn’t until twenty minutes later that he finished his test and turned it in, holding his breath as he clicked the submit button and waited for it to go through. When a green checkmark blinked across his screen, his eyes flickered up to see Aether watching him with that guilty look once more, but quickly dropped his eyes to his textbook, where he fiddled with a page from his notes, attempting to look busy.

Pretending to go through his test notes, Kazuha studied the other male from the corner of his eye, eyebrows furrowing at the other’s uncharacteristic twitching.

He appeared nervous in a way. No matter how long Kazuha took the other’s appearance in, he couldn"t pin down what exactly was wrong with the other, so he could only hope that it had nothing to do with him.

Pulling up a slideshow to study from, he would occasionally look up at Aether’s shuffling, his textbook and notes still untouched, even with the other looking deep in thought. Kazuha willed himself to brush it off and immerse himself into studying, his fist against his lips as he stared, the blue light making his eyes ache. Too bad he left his blue light glasses on his desk back home, he could really use them to ease the irritation.

It took another half hour before Aether spoke up, his voice cracking as he tried to get words out.

“I, uh- just- sorry.” Taking a moment to run a hand down his face and take a deep breath, he sat up straight and started to collect his things, still not meeting his questioning gaze. “Sorry, I don’t feel well. I’m just going to head home.” His voice was breathy as he stood up, his tongue wetting his lips as he rubbed the back of his neck. He bowed quickly in apology before he promptly turned around and walked away towards the glass doors, not even giving him a moment to get words out himself. Kazuha sat there with his hands frozen in the air, brows pulled in confusion as his mouth hung open slightly.

The silence that followed after wasn’t unlike the silence that they had shared moments before.

Aether had sent him a text later that night as Kazuha was getting ready to bed, apologizing for his rudeness, and requesting that they meet up later the following day. Preferably somewhere quiet where they could talk.

He wanted a chance to explain.

The entire time leading up to the supposed time the two were met was charged with nervous fidgeting, his thoughts eating away at him.

Had he done something to make the other uncomfortable? To anger him? Had something happened that he wished to share with him but hadn’t had the courage the day before?

No matter what the cause, his fingers tingled at the many possibilities, his lips bruised over all the abuse he had put them through that morning.

The two were meeting in one of the quiet alcoves the university had to offer, where very few other students lingered with the ongoing finals. The few students that occupied the space were spread out, noses in their textbooks and earbuds playing music to help concentrate. They would have the needed privacy Aether so desperately craved for whatever talk awaited them.

Kazuha tapped his foot against the linoleum floor, checking the clock for the third time in five minutes, noting once more that the other was late.

It only made him more nervous than he already had been.

Checking his phone and looking at his text list, he noticed that communication with Tomo had been thin recently, and his foot tapped faster as he skimmed through their messages, a knot forming in his stomach. Something felt off.

Everything felt off.

Despite his outings with Beidou, now that he truly thought about it, some of his relationships were suffering. He didn’t talk with Gorou as much anymore, now that he was busy on Friday nights living his life in ways he never saw himself. It wasn’t just Gorou that he stopped playing with. Thoma and Kokomi too. The four of them fooling around on horror games on Kazuha’s worst nights, when his wall neighboor’s friends got too loud, Thoma’s screams in terror would drown it all out. Gorou’s boisterous laughter and Kokomi’s soft giggles.
Kazuha could feel guilt on how his relationships were changing along with his own personal growth. Yet nothing in the world could replace just how good it felt. Learning more about himself, becoming daring while he was still in the prime of his life.

Slowly getting over the trauma of his past sexual experiences.

Even if things were looking a bit down right now, he knew there would be a brighter field following his current wallowing in mud.

Tomo was a whole separate category though. He always has been and that won’t change. At least, not in the near future.

Kazuha continued to chew on his lip as his eyes zoomed in on the blond’s name. His stomach did a little flip at the thought of him, so he squeezed his eyes shut as he exhaled deeply.

Definitely not in the near future.

Was that why it hurt so much right now? Not the unrequited aspect of it, but the fact that he could almost physically feel his relationship with him changing? And it wasn"t as if the carpet was swept from under him, it was more like the slow shift of the tectonic plates and the occasional earthquake that left him gripping the closest surface.

Things were just different. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he knew it was there, and he knew it was affecting the both a lot more than either of them let on.

The soft nudge against his shoulder had him jumping in his seat, his eyes opening frantically as he clamped his lips shut to avoid making noise. Aether stood there looking sheepish yet apologetic, rubbing his nape as he looked off.

“Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle. You didn’t answer so I…”

“It’s fine. Hey, don’t worry about it. I was just lost in thought.” Sitting up straighter and hooking his ankles under the chair, he motioned at the seat before him. “Sit, loosen up. You look tense.”

Aether laughed nervously, his eyes a lot more interested in the familiar room around them than in his companion. Situating himself in the wooden chair, he sat ramrod stiff, his hands folded before him with his thumbs twiddling, eyes furrowed as he looked over at the bookcases. Kazuha moved his head to try and catch his gaze to no avail. He let the other do his thing, biting the inside of his cheek as he drummed against the table, his gaze never leaving the blond, eyes occasionally flicking over to his silent phone. When the large hand on the clock indicated that nine minutes had passed before Aether arrived, Kazuha sighed and sat back.

“What’s up? What’s got you so…” He waved his hand towards the other, raising his eyebrows at the other.

It was then when Aether slumped against his chair and connected his forehead to the cool wood, huffing as his shoulder sank in on himself.

“I’m such a fucking asshole.”

That captured Kazuha’s attention immediately. He had to stop himself from reaching over the table and touching the other to offer his support, but he had a feeling that was not the way to go.

“You aren-”

“But I am!” Aether sat up as he exclaimed, his hand coming up to cover his mouth after his outburst, realizing just how loud he had been. Making himself smaller as he felt several eyes on him, he uncovered his mouth again to speak softer. “I am.”

Kazuha didn’t know what to say, so he sat silent, confusion evident in his expression. He followed Aether’s hand as he ran it through his hair, which he then noticed was uncharacteristically messy.

“I’m an asshole because I led you on and continued to do it.” His golden eyes finally look at his own bright ones, guilt mudding his gaze.

The ivory haired male was stunned into silence, his lips parted to say something but nothing came out.

Silence made a home between them, as Kazuha tried to process what the other had said. Aether’s gaze didn’t waver a single time.

A text message went through to Kazuha’s phone but he didn’t dare look away.

Aether led him on?

Surely Aether didn’t mean that? They were just friends.

His thoughts easily contradicted that statement. Images of them being close and all buddy-buddy, whispering amongst themselves and the comments that Kazuha had received regarding the both of them, commenting on their closenessso sorry. I’m sorry about what happened in Ritou, and then our not so friendly interactions at my apartment.” Taking a deep breath as he finally looked away as a grimace passed his features, he spoke once more. “And I’m sorry about… about what I’ve done to your relationship with Tomo.”

That comment was like a punch to his gut, his brows furrowing as he frantically tried to catch the others eye.

“I know how you feel about him. I know about the situation between you two, and I’m so fucking sorry for using that as an opportunity.”

“I’m sorry for making it worse. I’m sorry for only thinking about myself. And I’m sorry for not coming clean sooner.”

Despite the hurt Kazuha felt, he also felt confusion. Aether was making it sound like he had malicious intent, but it wasn’t the full story. He could tell with the wet-eyed look the other bore.

Standing up he rounded the table, causing the other to stiffen up and look over at him, fear in his eyes. With the way the other flinched, Kazuha could only guess that the other thought he was going to smack him.

Instead, he enveloped him in a hug, bringing the others face to his chest as he threaded his fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay.” Kazuha whispered, yet his eyes watered. He could feel the fabric of his shirt stick to his skin with tears, so he smoothed his hands over the other’s blond locks.

“Even after what I knowingly did?”

“You aren’t telling me the full story.” Kazuha sighed, raising one hand to wipe at his eyes.

Aether sobbed then, his arms coming up to wrap around his middle, burying his face further into the other’s chest.

They continued hugging a while more, until Aether’s tears ran dry and he was able to sit up straight and wipe at his own face. Kazuha sat in the chair next to him as he held the other hand, watching as his red eyes looked a little clearer.

He let Aether calm down, while his own thoughts were magically silent. He knew it wasn’t the full story, and he would wait patiently till the blond told him the rest.

He didn’t have to wait long. Aether sighed and turned in his chair to face the other.

“You were right. It’s not the full story. But I didn’t want you to think I was making excuses on why I did it.” Aether sheepishly smiled, his eyes flicking down to his feet for a moment as he collected his thoughts. “I…” He paused and took a deep breath before he let it back out, letting his shoulders sag and unclenching his jaw.

“Before my sister and I started traveling for our studies, we were in Mondstadt. There I met… a guy.” Aether couldn’t help a small smile from blooming on his lips. “He was my height, soft spoken, intelligent. He mostly kept to himself, and yet I still ended up falling hard. So hard that it hurt when I hit the ground.” His smile whipped off as he sighed, looking towards Kazuha but not actually looking at him. He was looking through him.

“And you saw him in me.” Kazuha whispered, which made Aether laugh.

“I wish it was that easy.” Sniffing, he bit his lip as he finally looked at him. “I replaced him. Or at least, I tried to.”

“Oh? What was the huge turn off?” Kazuha jokes, nudging the other’s shoulder. “Was my sense of style? My eating habits?” Aether chuckled, shaking head.

“I wouldn’t say it was a turn off. More like an obstacle I didn’t think was worth noting.”

That made Kazuha think, his foot tapping on the floor as he thought.

“Oh god, was it the fact that I’m careless with my hair?” He pointedly looked at Aether’s usually well kept hair. The blond just rolled his eyes and shoved him.

“It was the fact that I had never dealt with someone who had already given their heart away.”

Kazuha grimaced at that, and Aether couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s alright.” Aether sighed, looking away with a pained smile. “Because I did the same thing.”

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. The two spent the day spilling secrets that had them laughing amongst themselves, childhood stories, and of the places Aether had visited within the past year.

Aether was also the first person he told about Beidou.

Kazuha also shyly confessed over how he used the other as an excuse to get out of the house on Friday nights, which had Aether rolling his eyes.

“So that"s why that blond oaf doesn’t like me.” The artist signed, crossing his arms as he side-eyed his friend. “Well, I’m glad you have been enjoying yourself. It’s good to let loose after a long week.”

They parted ways after that, with Kazuha still having to pack his bags for the following Monday. There seemed to have been a weight over his shoulder that had been lifted. A weight that he hadn’t realized had even been there in the first place.

Tomo wasn’t home when he arrived, so he made a beeline to his room, waking up his PC as he dumped his bag on his bed. Tama emerged from under it, meowing at him as she rubbed against his legs. He heard his phone buzz as he bent down to pick her up, a purr starting up as soon as he buried his face into her fur. She climbed onto his shoulders as he bent down to fish his phone from his bag, Beidou’s contact popping up on his home screen with a cheeky ‘you still awake twink?’

Smiling to himself as he sat on the edge of his bed, he opened his phone just as two more messages from her went through.

12/18/XX 08:24 Sneaky Link: Dress to impress tomorrow

12/18/XX 08:24 Sneaky Link: I’m picking you up at 7:30 on the dot tomorrow. Be waiting for me at the steps

She didn’t elaborate any further, so Kazuha shrugged and threw his phone over his shoulder, narrowly missing Tama. Grabbing her so she dangled before him, her elongated form swayed as he held her out.

“You think you would fit in my suitcase?”

She just slowly blinked at him, her tongue coming out to lick at her nose.

“Fair point.”

Friday rolls around and Kazuha slept in; with his finals over he had nowhere to be in the mornings.Tomo had entered at some point during the early morning to check up on him and whisk Tama away for her breakfast. His touch against his forehead still burned after he left.

The short male didn’t roll out of his bed -quite literally- till a little over two in the afternoon, where he groaned and shuffled to the shower to wake himself up. The water pooling at his feet held a slight tinge of red as it drained, and Kazuha made a mental note to dye his hair later that night before he had to go to his parents.

Feeling refreshed, he dried his hair and even curled the ends of his bangs so they stuck up. Donned in a lazy tracksuit that had originally belonged to Tomo but had shrunk in the dryer, he headed out with his phone and wallet in hand, opting to have a late breakfast at a coffee shop.

He wasn’t picky over what cafe as long as he got his hands on a cup of tea and a muffin.
It took the entire way to the grocery store to finish his pitiful brunch, the cup and wrapper discarded as he walked through the sliding doors. The aisles were filled with women and their children, a few older gentlemen and full families sprinkled in between. Kazuha excused himself as he squeezed past all of them, his destination the dairy aisle at the back. Loading up his basket with a gallon of milk and carton of eggs, he made a quick stop to grab a pack of dried seaweed in sesame oil for their ramen. A box of tea here and a pack of sugar there, he made his way to the front to pay.

He only took twenty minutes, so he leisurely walked back to the apartment, happy to bask in the sun. Much like Tama in the mornings on his bed when the sun hit just right.

The day was lost on him as he lazed around, falling asleep with a pencil in hand as he had been doodling in his bed on a loose sheet of paper. It was his stomach that woke him up a couple hours later, when his phone read five forty-three.

“Crap!” Basically jumping out of bed, Kazuha stumbled over his own feet as he launched himself to his closet, yanking it open to rummage through it.

Dress to impress.

Those were her words.

Grabbing a white button down and black slacks, he turned to head towards the shower but stopped, reaching over to grab his black turtleneck.

Dying his hair was quick, as it didn’t take long for his hair to catch color. He was in and out of the shower, once again drying and curling his hair. Putting on his outfit, he also reached over to switch out a few piercings. With his face freshly washed and patted dry, he walked out of the bathroom to find Tomo lounging on the couch. He whistled as he took a look at him, making Kazuha flush at the attention.

“And where are you going dressed in that?” Tomo asked, his eyes roaming from head to toe and back up again. Shuffling in his spot, he shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Honestly I don’t know. Dinner perhaps?” Shrugging once more, he turned back to his room to snatch the dog tags Tohma had gifted him a while back. Everyone in their friend group had a pair to match his, sort of like friendship necklaces.

Slipping on a few rings, he slowly turned in his full length mirror. Something was missing, and it wasn’t with his outfit. At least his ass looked good in these pants.

His eyes shot over to his bedside table. Specifically, the bottom drawer. He shuffled over and took a box out, digging through it to find a black pencil. Twirling it between his fingers he thought for a second before deciding he didn’t care if it was too much, and moved back over to his mirror to tug downwards on his eyes, bringing the pencil to his waterline.

It tickled, making him blink too often and eyes water as he attempted to apply the eyeliner. He always had someone else do it for him. That someone would be named Yoimiya.

Taking a step back to look at himself once more, he snorted.

“I look edgy.” He whispered to Tama who had at some point snuck in and sat on his desk. Tossing the pencil to his bed, he put on some socks and checked his phone for the time. He had fifteen minutes left. With that time he brushed his teeth and fiddled with his appearance a bit more before he had to really go. Slipping his wallet in his front pocket and his phone in the back, he wondered if he had applied too much cologne. As he bent over to put his shoes, Tomo snorted behind him.

“You are spilling venom.” He teased, forcing the shorter to turn around and look at him.

“Did I really apply too much cologne?” He worried his lip between his teeth, watching the other roll his eyes as he paused the show he was watching.

“I’m saying you look hot.”

That made a blush instantly blossom across his face. Standing up quickly he almost knocked his head against the wall.

“Uh I- Thank you, I hope so- I should go-” stumbling over his words, he waved at the other as he closed the door, his cheeks burning. He forgot his scarf but he refused to go back inside, so he ran down the hall to mash at the elevator button. When it wasn’t fast enough, Kazuha ditched it and took the steps by three, almost tripping on the last step at the very bottom as he reached for the door. With a few seconds to spare on the sidewalk he attempted to catch his breath, his hands at his waist as he bent forwards.

Kazuha heard the bike before he saw it, the roaring engine bringing a smile to his lips. Beidou saluted him with two fingers as she handed him the helmet, watching as he clipped it on and slipped behind her. She didn’t mention where they were going. She just kicked off and sped down the street, taking the highway towards the center of Inazuma City.

The lights of the buildings were gorgeous against the dark night sky, the street lamps casting a soft glow against the people walking below them. Where they were headed was void of those tacky neon signs that captured attention, and more towards the sophisticated, uptight part of the city. The buildings towered over them, and gradually got taller and taller as they went. The brunette slowed down and took an unexpected turn into the driveway of a sleek looking skyscraper. She was stopped by security, where they both got off and slipped the helmets from their heads.

Beidou dropped her keys into a waiting palm and made for the glass doors that looked as expensive as his entire college tuition. Why were the doors so fancy?

“What are we doing here?” Kazuha said through a forced smile towards the doorman, watching the woman open her coat and slip it off to reveal a long black gown with slits in the front for her legs. Kazuha’s mouth dried up as she slung it over her forearm and waved him towards the elevator.

“For dinner, dummy.”

Thanking the man for pressing the forty-first floor for them - really? Even the elevator had someone manning it? - Kazuha nudged the brunette.

“Dinner? Here? I was just called poor in twenty-three different languages.” Beidou laughed at that and waved him off.

“Of course we are having dinner here. My wife doesn’t settle for anything less.” She said it as if Kazuha was just being silly at that point. She even rolled her eyes at him.

If Kazuha wasn’t nervous before, he definitely was now. Who wouldn’t be? He was about to meet Beidou’s wife.

One Missus Ningguang Crux.

The CEO of…

“Oh fuck I think I’m going to be sick.” Kazuha reached out to hold onto the wall, but he didn’t even have a chance to come to terms with what was about to happen as he was unceremoniously dragged out by the arm, all the way to the hostess who smiled at them and asked for the party name.

“Ningguang.” Hearing the name again made him cringe. He was completely underdressed for where they would be spending the evening. And who they would be spending it with.

The hostess led them through the dark dining room, the only lights coming from the low hanging fixtures that emitted a soft glow, the rest coming in through the windows that overlooked the rest of the city. From up here, one could see every blinking light in the distance. Even more dramatic than the visible lights in Ritou from the bridge.

They walked all the way towards the back, nearing a table with an elegantly dressed woman to the nines, swirling wine within her cup, two long thin fingers holding the stem with such grace.

Kazuha gulped as he straightened out his shirt, making sure his hair was in place and out of his eyes. If he didn’t appear confident in front of this woman, he would never let himself live it down.

The hostess bowed slightly as she motioned them to the table, a smile playing on her lips as she turned around and walked away, her heels clicking against the marble floor. Kazuha watched her go, stalling meeting the woman before them. From the corner of his eye, he could see Beidou dipping to kiss her wife.

Ningguang sat back as Beidou rounded the table to take her seat, her eyes dragging across his form as she took him in. As ridiculous as it sounded, it felt as if she was peering into his soul, and suddenly he much rather be in bed, enjoying the last Friday before he was forced to see his parents.

“Kazuha, yes?” Gulping, Kazuha attempted a smile, bowing in respect and shook her hand when she extended it. Her fingers were decorated in diamonds.

“A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Crux.”

“The pleasure is mine. Please, just Ningguang.” Nodding at her words, he sat down when she motioned to the seat beside her, sitting across the brunette who was enjoying watching him squirm.

Almost immediately they were attended, their drinks being ordered and a new wine bottle placed on the glass table. The waitress placed menus before them, and upon seeing the prices, it took everything for Kazuha’s eyes to not pop out of their sockets.

“So, Kazuha.” Ningguang started off, taking another sip of her wine as she glanced over at him. “I have been looking forward to meeting you. I would love to thank you for taking my wife off my hands while I do business. She might still be getting into trouble, but at least it’s not in front of my investors and scaring them off.” Beidou snorted, causing the blond woman to glare at her. “She has told me so much about you.” She continued.

Kazuha crossed and uncrossed his ankles under the table, his fingers playing in his lap as he nodded at her.

“Oh I’ve been happy to accompany her. She really helped me turn my life around after an inconvenience.”

The waitress cut into their conversation to place down the drinks, asking if they were ready to order. When it was his turn to choose, he almost passed in fear of his wallet, but Beidou kicked him under the table hard, making him wince and recite his order through gritted teeth.

“No worries, this is my treat.” Ningguang assured him, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she sat back and smiled at him.

She was absolutely gorgeous. Long pale hair that rivaled even Tomo’s, eyes that glittered despite the low light, her neck challenging the sparkle of the city below as her jewelry winked at him as she moved.

Her dress was off white, and even from where he sat he could tell it was silky to the touch, the neckline dipping below her collar to show her impeccable skin. She looked expensive. A funny contrast to Beidou who looked like she’d start a bar fight without hesitation and walk out the victor after every one challenged her. Without a single scratch.

“But yes, Beidou told me how you guys met. She was very excited to talk my ear off that morning about the, I apologize, and I quote: ‘the short gay man’.” That did make him groan and roll his eyes, glaring at the other woman as she laughed. “She was very proud of her find, yes indeed. Was also incredibly sure that you would meet again after that. I doubted her, yet here we are.” She laughed quietly behind the lip of her glass as she side-eyed her wife.

“I was just as happy to meet her, albeit I kept our meetings a secret. I still do.” Sighing as he took a sip from the wine, he cringed inward. Too sweet.

Ningguang was surprisingly very easy to talk to. Kazuha’s nerves calmed down and the three of them conversed freely. Beidou joked, Ningguang berated her, and Kazuha looked on with a smile on his face.

She was happy. She was in love. And Kazuha couldn’t be any happier for her. She truly deserved it for being a soft soul.

The sky only got darker and the lights got brighter, sucking in Kazuha’s attention as his heart clenched. It was such a beautiful sight, and he felt so at ease. Not a single time did they ask about his current relationship status with a certain someone, and it felt like any other Friday with Beidou. He had fun, he experienced a high life, and got to know the women just a little better.

Beidou herself seemed different around Ningguang, but in a good way. It made Kazuha yearn for what they had, and instead of getting sad, he was only hopeful and excited with what the future had in store for him.

His phone buzzed in his pocket with an incoming message and he ignored it, wanting to truly suck in and sink in the present. It made the reality that Beidou would eventually have to leave all that more real, and Kazuha was a little selfish. He wanted whatever time left he could have with her. And he would need it with the long two weeks ahead of him.

They lingered a little longer, sipping wine that made him feel warm and brought a dumb smile to his lips. He could feel it. It eventually got late, as the three of them had been conversing for a little over two and a half hours, and it was time to get him home. Kazuha at first refused, saying he could order a cab so they could stay together, but Beidou waved her hand and scoffed. Ningguang paid for the bill, which the short male refused to even glance at, his wallet caving into itself even if he wasn’t the one paying. They walked to the front where the hostess waved and bid them goodbye as they put their coats on, and the blond woman escorted them to the lobby, where they said goodbye.

Kazuha was surprised when he was pulled into a hug by the blond woman, as it was completely unexpected.

“Thank you, truly. You have made her time here memorable.”

The way back almost put him to sleep, with the way the bike swayed between cars. He thinks he might have actually fallen asleep, as he doesn’t remember most of the trip, but when he opened his eyes again, they were slowing to a stop by the sidewalk.

It was routine as he climbed off and undid his helmet, handing it over to the woman as she sat up straight.

“So?”

“So what?” He wrapped his arms around his middle, blowing out and watching his breath materialize in front of him.

“What do you think?” She rolled her eyes, tapping her fingers on the handle as she waited for his answer. Kazuha in turn shook his head and snorted.

“She’s lovely. I’m happy for you two. You compliment each other very nicely.” Looking over his shoulder at the glass doors of his apartment, he sighed. “It was an honor to meet her. I hope I can see her again before you guys have to leave.”

“She feels the same, kid.” Giving a flat look at the name, she shrugged. “Now, I’m heading home to get me some ass. You sleep tight and stay safe on your trip, yea?”

“Yea.”

Tomo and Kazuha hardly ever fight.

Sure, there was one instance where Tomo was drunk and they fought over the smallest of things, but after the whole ordeal that following morning Tomo woke up and apologized profusely for his behavior. It hadn’t been a big deal. It honestly had been more entertaining than anything. His words hadn’t been cutting or hurtful.

Tomo had never before raised his voice at him like this.

Kazuha’s morning had started off early and lazy. He lounged in bed scrolling through social media with his roommate"s cat dozing off on his carpet in the spot of early sun that peaked through his blinds. He hadn’t heard any movement all morning from the other occupant of the flat, so it was safe to assume that Tomo had had an early start to his day as well.

After brewing a cup of tea he settled on the kitchen bar with his laptop to scroll through internships for the fast approaching summer. He also browsed for part time, as he didn’t like the thought of living on his father’s funds any longer. Especially after whatever will happen during christmas break.

If he was to get disowned, might as well have a plan B. His savings account wouldn’t be enough to sustain several months of city living.

Not finding anything interesting, he got ready for the day with a shower and a change of clothes. He sent a message over to Tohma, asking if they needed any help at the restaurant to kill off some time, and played a few matches on a game on his pc to ward off boredom. Eventually that ended up souring his mood as the random people he got paired up with were lacking in skill, so he kicked away from his desk to bother the cat. It wasn’t as fun as it usually was as she didn’t even bat an eye at him, letting him poke her and mess with her ears.

“Come on. Entertain me.” He sighed, chewing on his bottom lip as she cracked an eye open to stare at him. “Got it.” Rolling his head against the headrest, he closed his eyes and thought about the night before.

He was snapped out of his train of thought when his phone buzzed, courtesy of Tohma. He let him know that it was slow, but he still thanked him for the offer. He’d let him know if that changed.

Kazuha was positively suffering from boredom.

It wasn’t until his roommate finally finished his own finals that his predicament would be remedied. That is, if he didn’t decide to spend time with his own girlfriend instead. Come to think of it, he might as well start making plans with the twins.

He was still going to Aether’s place later, so he’d ask then. Until then, he had hours to kill before he was expected at their place so he made himself comfortable on the living room couch and started a movie series binging session.

Apparently he didn’t make it that far, as he was woken up several hours later to the front door slamming closed. Sitting up too fast, his head swam and the edges of his vision dimmed as he held it between his hands. Catching a glance on the clock on the wall, he practically sprang up at the hour. Digging in between the cushions for his phone, he groaned at having fallen asleep and wasting his day.

“Crap, where is it?” Digging further into the cushions, he hears Tomo’s exasperated sigh.

“What has you in such a hurry?” It didn’t exactly sound like a question, and more of an offended demand.

Finally finding his phone, he pulled it out to see a missed call from Aether. Dusting his knees off he takes a glance at Tomo who was watching him with his arms crossed. Clearing the lump in his throat that formed he turned around to turn the television off and look for the sock he managed to take off in his sleep.

“I’m late to Aether’s.” He casually replied, digging his hand under the couch for the sock he knew had to be under there.

An incomprehensible growl came from the tall blond, who tossed something onto the kitchen bar.

“You were with him last night.” Kazuha almost corrected him when he remembered the lie he used to get him out of the apartment on Friday nights. Clearing his throat and avoiding looking into the other’s fierce gaze, he just shrugs and scratches the back of his neck. The movement pulls at the sensitive skin of his tattoo.

“Yea, we uh… we decided to watch a movie tonight.”

When Tomo didn’t reply, he excused himself around the blond and bent down to put his shoes on. He had trouble untying a knot on his sneakers and cursed under his breath. The room felt unnaturally heavy and he would much rather slip out now than find out why.

“Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why him?”

Kazuha stopped what he was doing to chance a glance at the other who was now situated behind the kitchen bar, his arms folded against the marble and his eyebrows furrowed. A deep frown pulled at his lips.

“I’m sorry? I don’t follow.” Kazuha sighed, picking at the knot and humming when it finally came undone enough for him to pull the laces apart.

“What does he have that I don’t?” That made Kazuha freeze. He was ninety-nine percent sure that he hadn’t heard the other right, and if he did, he wasn’t alluding to what he thought he was. When Kazuha didn’t reply, Tomo growled out again and stood up straight. “Clearly it’s me, right?”

“You need to slow down, what on earth are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me.” That felt like a slap. It was out of line for the blond and entirely rude.

“You have no problem speeding off on a sports bike when it isn’t me driving, yea?” Kazuha sat there confused until it finally dawned on him and it felt like a bucket of iced water was dumped over him. “Because apparently you like any other blond that isn’t me, right?” The implication of his last comment flew over his head as he tried to get something, anything out. “Because if it weren’t for Tohma already being in a relationship, you would be all over him too, or am I wrong?” Kazuha didn’t even know what to say at that point, his shoe long forgotten as he stared at the other.

“No matter what I do, it’s not enough for you. I feel like I’m running in circles. Why are you dating that short-ass when I’m right here?” Tomo growled out, rounding the bar slowly. Kazuha finally got his mouth to work and laughed incredulously.

“Hold up. Why the fuck do you care if I’m dating him or not? Since when did you start policing my relationships?” Kazuha hissed out, snatching his shoe from across him and shoving his foot into it in an attempt to get the hell out of there.

“Since you started dating that mediocre shrimp!” Tomo yelled, catching Kazuha off guard.

Tomo and Kazuha hardly ever fight.

“Do you even know how ridiculous you sound? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.” Kazuha sneered, digging his nails into his palm.

Standing up Kazuha turned to open the door, deciding to leave it at that. Tomo obviously wasn’t in his right mind and he will apologize for it later. He barely managed to open the door a crack before a hand slammed it closed from behind him.

“And if I was?” Tomo challenged, causing him to turn around and press his back against the door as he shoved the other off of him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Kazuha shouted, but he didn’t give the other a chance to interject, shoving his finger into the other’s chest. “You don’t get the right to be jealous. If anyone had the right, it would be me.” He warned, baring his teeth at the other.

Tomo actually laughed at that. He threw his head back and let out a hearty laugh.

“You! Why in the seven hells would you be jealous?” Kazuha spoke over him though, backing away from the other to make an attempt at leaving again.

“Stop being such an asshole.”

“No, go ahead. Tell me, why are you jealous?” Tomo prodded, closing in on him again. “Go, tell m-”

Kazuha whipped around at that, grounding his teeth. It came out before he knew what he was doing and there was nothing in the world he could do to take it back. And once it started, he couldn’t stop.

Tomo and Kazuha hardly ever fight.

“Because I’m In love with you, asshole!” Kazuha refused to look at the other, squeezing his eyes shut. “I have been for a long time, so you have no fucking right to be jealous over something so trivial. You don’t get to be mad, because you have a girlfriend, archons damn it! You have been so fucking inconsiderate and now that I’m finally starting to be happy you have to poke at it? After all this time, are you really about to tell me you feel the same? Don’t make me laugh.” Snatching his phone off the entrance table he slammed the door behind him and off to the elevator. Tomo didn’t chase after him.

Tomo and Kazuha hardly ever fight.

Tomo had also never before raised his voice at him like that.

And now that he did, things were irrevocably going to change between them because he couldn"t keep his own damn mouth shut.

Saturday and Sunday passed by painfully fast.

He hadn’t returned to his apartment since his fight with Tomo, and he hadn’t received a text from him either.

Kazuha could only assume the worst and hope that they would at least be acquaintances after all this blew over. Maybe he should start looking for an apartment elsewhere. Call him dramatic, but he could only fear the worst.

He had bitten his nails all the way down in an attempt to stop himself from chewing on his lip, but it ended up splitting anyway when he couldn’t stop himself from his anxiety driven tick. Monday had approached too fast and he was begrudgingly making his way back to his apartment. Despite not being overly excited to be back so soon with no contact from its other occupant, the chill shooed him inside as it slipped up through his shirt.

It was quiet as expected, as it was still early in the morning. The hands on the clock barely passed seven forty-five so the only likely occupant awake would be the fuzzball lazing in the cat tree. Said fuzzball got up to greet him as he placed his phone and keys on the bar so he could reach down and scratch behind her ears, her purr a comfort against the inside of his wrist.

Kazuha tried to be as quiet as he could while moving around the apartment, making sure he had all the necessities packed away in his bag. He had the kettle warmed up so he could take some tea with him on the drive to keep him awake, as loud music wouldn’t be enough to keep his eyes open. As he put it away in a styrofoam coffee cup, he remembered to take an extra scarf as it was significantly colder where his parents lived and he would much rather not turn into a popsicle. It was as he was silently closing the door to his room that he bumped into the blond, who looked incredibly sheepish and couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

Kazuha froze up where he stood, watching the other’s tensed shoulders as he sighed and stared at the floor.

“Look, I’m really sorry about the other night…” He seemed choked up, as if he was being forced to say it at gunpoint which made him cringe. This wasn’t going to turn out good, was it? He’s probably going to ask him to be moved out before their next semester started up.

Shaking his head, the shorter male walked towards the kitchen bar to close the lid on his cup and sling his bag over his shoulder.

“I know I fucked up royally and I don’t think it’s possible for me to apologize enough for what I did.” The words rushed out of the other’s mouth as he watched Kazuha slip his shoes on. The last time he watched him do so ended up in probably his most royal fuck up in all of his twenty one years of life. When the other stood up, he tentatively put his hand on his shoulder in an attempt for the other to glance his way. “I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, if at all, but I really wanted you to know I’m sorry. I should have said it sooner but I thought you would want space and I just-” sighing as he brushed his loose hair away from his face, he cringed. “I was scared. Of what you would say.”

Not having the energy to deal with this so early in the morning, Kazuha shook his head yet reluctantly looked at the other’s eyes. He didn’t know what to say, if he was being completely honest with himself. But he knew he had to say something.

“I can"t say I’m not mad cause that would be lying, but I will say that I don’t know what you want me to do.” Stepping away from under the others touch, he glanced over at the cat that was watching them with her sharp eyes. “Honestly, it’s your move.” The ivory haired male knew that his wording could be off-putting and not make much sense to the other, but when he looked over at him he could tell that Tomo understood fully. It saved him having to explain what he truly meant. Of having to bring up the biggest elephant in the room that was currently suffocating the both of them.

What he didn’t expect was for the other to pull him into a hug, burying his nose into the crown of his head and exhaling.

“I’m working on deciphering my feelings. I don’t want my neanderthalic mistake to be the end of us.” Kazuha snorted at that, and let his shoulders fall finally. He didn’t really believe the other. Not that he refused to lose contact with him, but that he was deciphering his feelings. Kazuha was far from his type - judging by the companions he has brought home in the past - and he wasn’t expecting much out of all of this. He was very grateful that he wasn’t being kicked out at least. Kazuha really needed somewhere to come back to when he had his tail between his legs after this whole ordeal with his parents was over.

Besides, there was the whole Baal issue that Kazuha was not too keen on getting involved with. Even if there was a chance that Tomo felt the same, he didn’t want to witness the fallout between the both of them, as selfish as that might sound. He was content with just being friends with the other, nothing had to escalate further. It was thanks to Beidou that despite the opportunity showed itself, he heeled. He knew now that he had to put himself first.

There was still a traitorous part of him that held onto that hope.

Kazuha left soon after that, but not without Tomo apologizing a few more times. The oaf even bowed which resulted in the shorter smacking him upside the head and leaving swiftly.

Approaching the front desk for the keys that had been dropped off by the car rental company he had called and scheduled an appointment with, he went into the garage and found the rental car nestled in the far corner. Once situated inside, Kazuha didn’t even bother to press the ignition button and sat there in silence.

He might have finally allowed himself to cry, but that was only for him to know.

The drive was boring, and it gave Kazuha too much time to think.

He switched the playlists he listened to every so often, as he couldn"t help but realize that they were all littered with some of Tomo’s favorite songs. Kazuha really just needed some time where he wasn"t thinking about the other. It was embarrassing how much the other had influence in his life.

Even if the drive was boring, it was nowhere near as long as it should have been. Every turn was a new rock settling in his stomach, his nerves set alight as he finally started recognizing his surroundings. The moment he reached the stop sign that was situated a few blocks from his childhood home, he bent forward and rested his forehead against the steering wheel, sighing as his grip tightened a touch. He shouldn"t have come.

Pulling up into the driveway he was almost certain he would lose the very small bit he had of his breakfast, only made worse as he leaned forward to look up at the second floor.

It was a more traditional styled home. It was big, indicating their status in society, and yet it was simple. Somewhat.

The gravel crunched under his shoe as he stepped out and rested his forearm against the top of the car, cringing at the sight of his home. Scratch that, it wasn"t his home. More like a hollow memory of his childhood years.

It was a reddish brown and white, the plates of the roof black and the corners curved to give it the traditional feel. The windows were styled to resemble screens, the ornamentation a little too modern for the type of feel the house was supposed to give off.

He ignored the rest of the details that made this house, well, his childhood house. It wasn"t important to him, and he felt no sentimental pull when looking at it. When the time came to inherit this plot of land, he would not hesitate to sell it and buy himself a little cottage on the outskirts of the farming districts if he wasn"t already living in his own apartment somewhere in the city.

He was careful to not tip into the pond situated close to the front door, eyeing it after he remembered the one time he had been attacked by a frog when he was little coming home from school. He pulled his bag up the stairs and dug into his pants for the key he unfortunately still owned, but it was rendered useless when the front door opened to reveal his mother.

She was short: just a few centimeters shorter than him, her gray hair framing her face as she looked up at him. Kazuha wasn"t even able to get in a word with her before another figure emerged from inside the house, this time much taller.

It was obvious where he got his height from.

His father just stares at him, assessing him. His eyes raked his body, no doubt looking for some sort of imperfections that Kazuha couldn"t even fathom. His father was always like that. Judging others of their worth just based on their appearance alone. Archons forbid he sees his tattoo. Or maybe not, considering the plethora of earrings he has that he could tell his father was frowning at, eyebrows pulling together at the sight of them. It wasn"t like he was trying to hide them or anything.

In those few terse moments of silence, Kazuha stood tall, hands behind his back as he looked up at his father. At least the old man wasn"t looking down his nose at him. Didn"t dispel the disappointment clearly written across his face that almost made his knees buckle under the weight of it.

It shouldn"t have hurt, but deep inside Kazuha knew there was still that little boy who longed to please his parents.

“Kazuha.” He finally addressed him, and turned to walk back into the house, hands behind his back in that familiar way he always did. Kazuha would have gulped if it weren"t for the fact that his mother was still standing before him, who reached out and patted his cheek in what she probably thought was a welcoming gesture but only served to make him even more anxious.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

Their poor excuse of a talk around the table after he arrived the day prior was stilted and awkward.

Kazuha had been left to his own devices for the rest of the evening, which he greatly appreciated, as he knew that would be the only time he got any reprieve during his stay. He spent most of it sitting on the edge of his bed, looking around his room and remembering pleasant and not so pleasant memories during the eighteen years he stayed there under the close watch of his parents.

He went to sleep early that night, and woke up around nine the following morning, the sag of his shoulders the day before now gone. His nose burned, making him cringe at the unpleasant tingle, feeling foolish at forgetting to turn on the vaporizer that would keep the air damp enough to avoid this exact issue.

The short male flung his legs over to the edge, where he sat cradling his head between his hands as he groaned, tensing at the sound of movement below. He knew that the longer he avoided talking to her in earnest, the worse it"ll be when he finally does. So with that thought in mind, he collects a few things and goes to the bathroom, where he turns on the water and stands in front of the mirror inspecting his healing tattoo. The red tint his skin had the few days following his session was gone, leaving the clean thin lines elegantly curving against his pale skin. Tentatively brushing that skin with the pad of his index finger, he chewed on his bottom lip and let his hand fall, running a hand through his hair as he sighed. Looking at his complexion in the mirror, he could only chuckle softly to himself at the thoughts his father must have had when he saw his chunk of dyed hair.

He could only shiver at the thoughts his father will have when he finds out he is gay.

Deciding to leave that thought right where it fell he turned around and climbed into the shower, a content sound slipping past his lips as he shoved his head under the water, his eyes fluttering shut as it spilled over his shoulders and down his back, curving around his hips and down the back of his legs in a soothing gesture that would have him shivering if the water wasn"t so hot.

After what might have been too long of a shower, Kazuha towels himself dry and carefully applies the scented free lotion Sara had recommended, the peeling skin soothing under the cool cream. After washing his hands free of the cream, he toweled his hair dry, scrunching it and letting it hang in the way Tomo had taught him to prevent any further breakage. He applied some oil to it and let it air dry, slipping into his clothes and applying a few rings to make himself feel less naked. Call him silly, but he didn"t like dressing the way he usually did in front of his parents. Even though he did prefer a classier look, he felt like his clothing choices said too much about him as a person and he didn"t exactly want his parents knowing any more about him than necessary. A few rings would definitely make him feel less naked in front of his mother.

Padding down the stairs and into the kitchen, he watched his mother making a tamagoyaki omelet in her square pan, her chopsticks rolling it over into itself and spreading a small bit of mirin wine over the top of it.

“Good morning.” He called softly, sitting at the kitchen bar as he watched his mother turn off the heat to the stove and turn around as she patted her hands on her apron.

She smiled at him, but the questioning look she regarded him with didn"t go unnoticed. Kazuha ignored it and instead traced her movements with his eyes, eyeing the way she played the omelet and made a face with the nori she had precut on the side.

It was a shame his mother was such a pushover. She could be very pleasant and funny at times, but her reserved attitude regarding her husband made her seem distasteful at times. Now he understands why his younger self was so torn on his feelings towards his mother. In a way, he couldn"t fault her for it. All he could do now was love her in the only way he knew how when it came to his family: simple avoidance. He didn"t want to hurt her, but he didn"t want to give her false hope either. He was done with this funny sort of family the day he moved into college almost four years ago. He had his own family to look after now, and they looked after him too.

She served him his breakfast which he thanked her for, but didn"t try to fill the silence between them. It was obvious that she wanted to say something to him, but wasn"t strong enough not to. And it wasn"t just anything he could tell. Something was bothering her and she wanted to let him know. In the end she let it go and started to ramble about anything and everything in an attempt to fill the void between them. She talked about what the both of them had done since he left, recalling some fond memories she had recently, and her musings about the near future. Some stories he had already heard before over the phone during one of her somewhat unwelcome calls but didn"t attempt to stop her; he wasn"t completely listening either way. He fiddles with his chopsticks before he decided to move away from the bar, standing up to wash his dishes and dry them, the way he had always been taught in this house. His mother had stopped her monologue and simply watched him, her hands in her lap and her eyebrows softly pinched in the front. Running his hand through his hair he looked at her and mumbled another quick thank you before letting her know he was going to walk around town. For nostalgia"s sake.

There wasn"t much to see. A few houses, a couple few more business buildings, that annoying over the top jeweler place that he always found was stupid and a waste of space, but that might be biased as he had been scared off by the owner when he was twelve. The coffee shop he liked to stop by when he was in highschool ran out of business and a law firm had taken its place, a sad change in the environment but it only got a sigh from him nonetheless. The park had new flowers planted in it and the gas station was still missing the garage door. For a neighborhood that was supposed to reek money, it was barely noticeable. Even his neighborhood back in the city was much more well kept. The only thing that proved its status were all the expensive fancy cars that lined the roadside.

He stopped at the frozen yogurt place that he remembered he went to during his first date on, tremendously glad that it was still standing as it had been a comfort to him in his childhood. Thank the Archons the owner was too stubborn to close it during the winter, so he happily made his way inside with a small smile gracing his lips. The elderly man wasn"t behind the counter, but his daughter was, and she assured that he was still alive and kicking.

His final destination was the high school, where he stood across the street facing the opening gates, his back leaning against the brick wall facing it. Kazuha absentmindedly ate away at his treat, eyes gliding over the familiar walls and trees, the overly colorful building, and the birds hopping around the base of the bushes.

It wasn"t until the time striked twelve fifteen that he saw a few students leave the building and out the gates for a lunch break. He smiled as he watched, remembering doing so himself during his years there for a quick bite at the cafe that was no more. Nibbling on his lips he watched as a boy teased a girl who ended up whacking him with her bag, turning her nose up at him as she walked with her friend.

He didn"t stay much longer, not wanting to appear as a creep and get the cops called on him. Kazuha strolled through the park and the shopping district a bit before he made it back to the house a little past two. Almost immediately he bumped into his mother who ushered him to the kitchen for lunch. Once again his father was absent which he was grateful for as he slowly chewed on his chicken, his toes slightly curling at the thought of having to talk to him again.

She tries small talking but when Kazuha gives soft, short one-worded answers she gives up with a sigh, opting to look out the large window over the kitchen faucet.

It"s not until he takes the final bite of his food when she gasps and grabs his wrist, inspecting his hand. The scar may have faded, but it was still visible if you really looked.

“What happened?” She asks, biting her lip as she turns his hand around in her grasp, eyebrows pinching in worry.

“A small accident.”

He cut the situation short, washing his dishes and escaping to his room for the rest of the day, holed up even when his father came back from work. He dismissed dinner, saying he wasn’t feeling too well and would just like to sleep.

Kazuha just wanted to go home.

Wednesday started with a text from Tomo apologizing once more, explaining that despite the fact that he misses him, he was glad for a break and to be allowed to mull things over. He touched upon the fact that he was working on deciphering his own feelings, and truly hoped that there would be no hard feelings between the both of them.

Kazuha didn’t know how to respond, but a little voice told him it would be better if he didn’t. If Tomo needed his time away from him to truly work out what was going on inside that head of his, he would give him that space happily. He didn’t really care about the outcome, as long as they were still friends by the end of it, that was all that mattered.

He never asked for more. And thanks to the past few months and Beidou, Kazuha knew it wouldn"t be the end of the world if they didn’t get together. He already knew it was unlikely that anything romantic sparked between the both of them, and despite that little spark of hope, he was not holding out for it. In all honesty, he just wanted to be able to watch shows and movies with the other until they passed out, or be able to play late into the night with Gorou and Kokomi on their stupid FPS games. Even being able to sit by the kitchen bar with no tension between them sounded absolutely lovely. He wasn’t asking for much. Kazuha just wanted a friend. His friend.

The day had been uneventful as well, and was lucky enough to avoid his father for a second day in a row.

Of course he knew his luck was going to run short.

And of course he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Yet if one were to ask Kazuha if he would have let it happen any other way, his response would be a solid and firm no. With a small smile at the memory.

That afternoon Kazuha bumped into his dad on the way upstairs, thoroughly skating him to the seventh ring of hell and back, a cold sweat immediately starting on the back of his neck, accumulating at the nape before it slid down in a cold line against his spine.

“We are having dinner with an important company tonight.” He groveled, staring down his nose at the boy.

“And I will not take a ‘no’, young man. You are to look sharp.”

All Kazuha could do was gulp and nod, stiff as a rod as his father walked around him and into the kitchen, where his mother was cooking up a storm.

It was then in his room when he messily rummaged through his luggage to find a nice outfit that it hit him that this was probably the reason he had been called down for Christmas. Whatever was happening tonight was indeed important. So why did it leave a bad taste in his mouth?

He fidgeted while he sat on his bed, contemplating texting his friends- or even better -pack everything up and leave without a word to his parents and not look back. Their disappointment however would be crushing, and there was not much else that made him feel sicker to his core than their disappointment. With that thought, Kazuha made a mental note that he should probably seek a therapist. Beidou was an amazing woman, but she wouldn’t be there forever, and he can’t keep dumping all his issues and trauma onto her. She had enough on her plate as a married woman.

In an attempt to make himself feel better, he went down and asked his mom if she needed any help, which he could tell she wanted to refuse, but the opportunity of being able to spend time with her son was way too tempting to refuse. So she had him mixing up a sauce for the chicken, talking his ear off like she always does, humming and skipping around the kitchen as she prepared a dinner for what seemed like a whole congregation of businessmen.

That thought started to fester in the back of his mind, as he slowly started to worry about whether he was going to be put in the spot in front of investors and being asked to take over the company in a few years. Even after saying no multiple times, Kazuha would not put it past his father to ask once more, and this time more forcefully. The college student loved to avoid confrontation whenever he could, and being put on the spot would no doubt make him freeze like a deer in headlines.

His leg started to bounce, and continued to do so for the following two and a half hours that he helped his mom in the kitchen. Eventually all there was to do was wait, so she shooed him off to go get ready, giving him a wink and a cheeky smile when she told him to make sure he looked absolutely handsome. It made his eye twitch, and he excused himself to his room, where he promptly closed the door, dove face first into his pillow, and screamed. Kazuha allowed himself five minutes to wallow in self pity before he dusted himself off and grabbed his toiletries and outfit to hole up in the bathroom for a whole hour. Maybe an hour and some if the anxiety was too much and he threw up.

He took great care in making himself presentable, not wanting to get yelled at before the mysterious guests arrived. He cleaned and cared for his tattoo, thanking the archons that he father still hadn’t found out about it, and hoped that he would make it the whole trip unscathed before he could run home with his tail far up between his legs and hide under his covers for a week straight.

When he was drying his hair he took great care in putting it into a neat bun at the base of his neck, tucking half of his bangs behind his ear and letting the other side fall artfully in front of his forehead. Kazuha dared to put on the slightest bit of makeup to hide his under eyes and brighten up his face a bit, not wanting to look half dead in front of his father’s esteemed guests. He was just finishing up brushing his teeth when he heard the front door open and voices filter into the house, meaning it was very close to showtime.

Slipping on a few plain rings and taking out all his earrings, he smoothed down the front of his maroon button up shirt and opened it slightly to let the gold chain poke out from underneath. The short male stalled for as long as he could, adding some more cologne on the wrists, dabbing some on the side of his neck, playing with his bangs when he knew they wouldn’t fall any other way, making sure his nails were clipped. The whole ten yards.

When he was sure he would get yelled at if he stayed upstairs any longer, he opened the door and put his things away in his room, taking a quick peek at his home screen to see if there were any missed texts or calls before he slipped it into his back pocket, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He would deny a cold sweat, but his shirt did feel a little sticky on the small of his back.

Turning the doorway into the dining room, he was met with an older couple dressed to the nines, and a girl around his age, who dipped her head in respect and would not meet his eyes. Kazuha introduced himself and bowed deeply before them, cringing when he felt his father’s eyes on him. The rest of the night continued rather normally, with a few added guests.

The men talked business while the women stayed put and ate in silence, Kazuha also refusing to let a peep out of his lips unless he was talked to. Eventually talk moved away from business and into personal matters, in which the older women joined in, conversing lightly. There was tension in the room, and the conversation seemed to skim here and there but Kazuha was not catching on. He did, however, catch the girl watching him a few times, but each time she was caught, her gaze skidded to the side and her hair would fall in front of her face.

She was pretty, Kazuha knew that much, but he couldn’t catch her exact features, as he black silky hair was always in the way. The short male tried to ignore it, letting his mind wonder what his friends were probably doing now. Drinking, most definitely. Maybe some karaoke. Perhaps some early fireworks thanks to Yoimiya?

Dinner was boring. Simply put. Sometime in the middle Kazuha’s mind wandered and he completely escaped into his own little world. Which was exactly why he jumped when his name was called. Called by his father.

He didn’t appear all too happy at him.

At that, Kazuha straightened up and sent an apologetic smile towards the couple and girl, dipping his head.

“Ah, I’m sorry. What was that?” Kazuha tried smiling a bit bigger, but had a sinking suspicion that it must have looked like a grimace instead with the way his father reacted.

“Pay attention, boy.” His father warned, making Kazuha gulp.

“If you haven’t caught on yet, these generous people are our best investors, and have helped the company tremendously.” At that, Kazuha dipped his head to show his gratitude, purely out of instinct so he wouldn’t get his ass chewed out later by his father. It also made Kazuha tremble, because he had been right earlier. “They are lovely people, and have an equally lovely daughter.”

Nodding, Kazuha gulped, feeling the cold sweat start up again, and this time it was his entire back.

Reaching out, he gripped his water glass that was dripping in condensation, and moved it to his lips to take a sip. His mistake.

“And to better relations and to settle your mother’s worries, we decided that an arranged marriage is the next step to our blooming future.”

Kazuha choked on the water, dropping his glass on the table, making it spill all over the table and down the floor, the glass not too far behind as it fell and shattered.

“Kazuha!” Two voices yelled out as his father’s chair shot back, his towering figure casting a shadow across the table. Kazuha was silent as he looked down at his lap to see the mess the water made of him. His gaze rose to look at the shocked couple and his own parents, and finally the young woman whose eyes were wide staring at him.

Kazuha continued to say nothing as he slowly pushed out his chair and rose, the water that hadn’t soaked through the fabric rolling down his pant legs and onto his shoes. He was quiet as he deeply bowed to the company and stayed quiet as his thoughts went silent in his head.

The tension was thick in the room, and if he paid any closer attention to it, Kazuha would choke.

“I am sorry.”

“Here, I’ll clean it u-”

“I am sorry, but I cannot accept your daughter"s hand in marriage.”

Almost immediately his father’s voice echoed in the room, but it went in one ear and out the other. He caught the gist of it though. He was angry. He was really angry. Really, really angry.

“You cannot back out of this. You will do as we say and go through with this. Your inability to find a woman worked in our favor.” His voice growled, his gaze burning into the back of the college student’s head. Kazuha had stayed bowed the entire time, his eyes closed as he breathed deeply though the nose.

Honestly, he really does not know how to keep his mouth shut when it really matters. But it had been a long time coming.

“I am sorry for not being able to find a woman. But it was not for the lack of trying.” His nails dug into his palms as he slowly, oh so slowly straightened out, finally meeting his fathers scalding gaze. “But purely because I have already found a man.”

His mother gasped so hard she started to cough, and a scandalized look crossed the guests face. Kazuha faced the young woman and dipped his head once more.

“You seem like a lovely person, truly, but you must forgive me. I am not in the slightest interested in the opposite sex.” Call Kazuha suicidal, but he rolled up both sleeves, exposing his tattoo before he turned to his father. “And I"m sorry for making you disappointed, but I would appreciate it if you did not get involved in my love life when you weren’t welcomed in the first place.” Kazuha was shaking, but it was like the other night with Tomo all over again. He was running his mouth.

Appearing before him, his father gripped his forearm, right where his tattoo was, making him cringe in pain.

“No! I will not accept a faggot as a son. It is just a phase, you will get over it. You will go through with this pre-established arrangement. It will benefit both of our families, and put money in your own pocket.” His father ground out between clenched teeth. Knowing his father would not dare raise his hand on him in front of his guests, he rolled his eyes and sighed.

Ripping his arm out from under his father’s grasp, he turned his back and shoved his hands in his pockets, sending a silent prayer to the archons and apologizing to his mother in his head for the following crude words that left his mouth.

“Can’t be a phase if a man bent me over and took my virginity.”

The room was silent as he made his way up the stairs.

The following morning the house was eerily still. No music playing through his mother’s speakers, or pots and pans clanging in the kitchen.

Kazuha didn’t allow the dread to sink in and turned in his bed, burying deeper into his blankets and closing his eyes before his phone buzzed with a few incoming messages. Reaching blindly behind him for his bedside table, he grabbed his phone and blearly blinked at his phone screen. It was the group chat.

There were pictures of the Christmas party they had the night before, and Kazuha couldn"t help the small smile that spread across his lips at the thought of their shenanigans. He knew they sent in the photos to include him in some way, even if he wasn"t in the photos himself.

There was one of Tohma and Yoimiya clearly screaming into the karaoke mics, and another of Ayato manning the bar to the side of the kitchen. A couple of the twins downing shots and a few more of Gorou and Kokomi passed out on the sofa. Lastly there was a picture of Tomo fighting with a Tama who was latched onto the tree like her life depended on it.

It was why they didn"t put up a tree in their own home in the first place.

Kazuha hummed happily at the photos, his eyes drooping as he turned to his back and placed the phone on his chest, letting out a long sigh as he finally let himself think about the disaster that was the night before.

Yea, maybe he did run his mouth a little too much, but he definitely felt better. Almost as if a weight has been taken off his shoulders. Not because he disappointed his parents, but because they now know to keep their noses out of his love life and his true sexual alignment. He was sure that after yesterday"s fiasco they are starting to realize he isn"t exactly what they thought him out to be.

Surprisingly enough, what hurt him more wasn"t their disappointment, it was more that he felt bad for the young woman and her family. Screw their interpersonal marriage dealings bullshit or whatever, he felt bad for the girl. He hopes he didn"t hurt her feelings. But in all honesty, she herself didn"t seem like she wanted to be there, or do what was being asked of her, so he was glad he could take the bullet rather than her.

Laying in bed wasn"t going to do anything for him, and he wouldn"t be able to sleep anymore anyways, so he got up and threw on the first warm clothes he could find scattered in his luggage and went downstairs, skipping breakfast and grabbing his jacket and boots. He just wanted out.

The college senior walked to the park to sit on the swings, not minding the cold bite on his cheeks as he buried the lower half of his face into his jacket. He rocked himself slowly as he enjoyed the clean crisp air. He had the playground to himself, as it was Christmas morning and everyone would be spending it with their families in the warmth of their homes.

As he rocked he thought about the night Beidou took him to a similar playground in the city, and he finally let her in on his poor excuse of a sob story. Looking back at it now, he was slightly grateful for this trip to his parents, and he now felt different about the whole matter. His parents will always be his parents, but they don"t define who he is or what he is to do in life. Their disappointment hurts now, but in a few years from now, when he is happy and in a healthy relationship, he’ll look back on it and be glad he didn"t cave into his father’s wishes. There is a small part of him inside that wants to know his father loves him, but he won"t stick his neck out for the answer. He knows his mother and her affections for him won"t change, as he has said before: she can be a lovely person, just very easy to walk over.

He is still young, and Kazuha has a lot to learn. Everything won"t go his way, but after meeting Beidou and recognizing her outlook on life, he has come to accept that he always has to think positively and do what"s best for him.

Which is exactly why he needs to get the hell out of this town and back into his own bed in his shared apartment.

Throwing his head back into a groan, he closed his eyes and sighed as he started to swing himself gently. Maybe he should have stayed inside and slept more. His eyes are starting to droop.

Kazuha hummed to himself as he rocked, closing his eyes and heaving another long, long sigh.

The only thing that could make him get up from there now was food.

And as if on queue, his stomach rumbles.

Knowing that there would be no ready food at home as his parents were probably avoiding him like the plague, he slowly gets up, almost collapsing as his knees lock from the cold. Cursing he straightens out and brushing his bed-head hair out of his eyes, he makes his way out of the park in search of some food.

The next text he gets from Tomo is the day after, sometime after two P.M. as he was getting out of the taxi he had hailed to take him to the mall. He still had to get Ayaka and Ayoto their Christmas presents, and figured he might as well do it now before he gets back home.

12/26/XX 02:12 Tomo: how are you hanging on?

Rather than texting back, Kazuha double checks the time and calls the other, too busy looking into the windows of stores. He rather not trip and fall trying to text back the blond.

“Hello? What"s wrong, are you okay?” Tomo sounds worried as the ivory haired male hums softly, ruling out another store.

“No. I"m just busy shopping and I"d prefer not to text is all.” Ruling out the jewelry store, the short male thinks about maybe stopping by the fast fashion shop he knows is still standing towards the back of the west wing.

“Ah, had me worrying for a sec.” There was some shuffling on the other end of a call and a muted meow, letting the man know that the other was probably in bed still. “So? How has it been?”
Kazuha hummed as he walked leisurely, brushing his loose hair over his shoulder, letting his eyes wander as he thought about whether he wanted to actually tell Tomo what happened during their dinner a few nights ago.

“Ass.” Is what he decides to say, hearing Tomo shuffle a bit more on the other end. Probably sitting up.

“Why? What happened?”

“I found out the real reason my parents wanted me over for the end of the year.” Tomo was quiet, intent on hearing what the other had to say. “They were trying to arrange a marriage for me to help the business financially and forge a stronger bond with one of his best investors.”

He heard Tomo curse softly on the other side and an angry Tama yowl. No doubt the blond stepped on her.

“You’re joking. What did you do? Or what are you going to do?” The other asked breathlessly, hearing the nerves.

“Nothing. Well I mean, I’m not going through it.” Arriving at the shop he was looking for, he headed in and nodded at the cashier. “They were over for dinner on Christmas and I had to gracelessly turn them down. My dad had a fit, and I think the girl might have honestly been relieved.”

Stopping in front of a nice blue dress, he chewed on his lip as he felt the fabric. Maybe it would be too itchy for her.

“I also came out to the entire table.” Kazuha isn’t sure if he heard the other choke on his own spit, as the blond started to cough into the receiver.

Tomo pulled the phone away from his shoulder as he hacked, apologizing in between short breaths. The shorter male just smiled as he continued to walk through the racks, shuffling through all the clothes and finding nothing in particular that he liked for the Kamisato siblings.

“S-sorry. Just… How did that go?” Tomo cleared his throat, his voice slightly scratchy from all the coughing.

“As well as you could imagine. My father called me a faggot and told me I’d get over it. I was happy to inform him that it couldn’t be a phase if I have already been bent, bless my mother’s ears. It felt good letting it out though.” The other was quiet, digesting the information as the other made his way to the back of the store.

“You weren’t scared? Of finally telling them I mean?”

Giggling to himself, Kazuha brushed his hair back from his face as he sighed. Grabbing a white wide brimmed hat off a shelf and trying it on, he shrugged and gripped it with his forearm and side as he continued to browse.

“Of course. But I’m tired of my parents butting into what isn’t any of their business and making decisions for me, so I had to put my foot down. Besides, it’s nice that they know now. It feels like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. As much as I love my mom, and my reluctant relationship with my dad, it needed to be said and I don’t regret it. They’ll get over it eventually. Maybe.” Tomo hummed on the other end of the line, shuffling around on his bed some more before sighing.

“I guess you’re right. You are so unapologetically yourself. I could learn a few things from you.”

“Actually, I decided to be a big boy and make a big boy move.” Tomo continued, and he sounded a little proud of himself. As if he were puffing his chest out.

“Oh? Do tell.”Snorting at the others" antics, he started to do another loop around the store to make sure he didn’t miss anything.

“Baal and I broke up.”

That actually stopped in his tracks, his eyebrows furrowing and lip caught between his teeth. No way he heard that correctly.

“What?”

“Yeah. It just wasn’t healthy and uh… I’m pretty sure she’s in love with her friend.” At that Kazuha straightened up, eyes wide as he breathlessly gripped his phone in hope.

“With Sara?” Maybe he sounded a bit too hopeful.

“No? With Yae.” At that Kazuha cringed, almost grabbing onto the front of his shirt at the news. He really hopes Sara is doing well getting over Baal, or it’ll get… ugly. He really felt bad for her. Poor soul. Maybe there was still a chance? Polyamory maybe? He might be reaching.

“A-ah… well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. I need that. Besides I uh, don’t think I actually held any feelings for her. Though I’d really prefer we didn"t talk about that. At least, not now. I’ll tell you some other time when I’m ready.”

Kazuha didn’t dare feel hopeful. For himself.

They talked for a bit longer, Kazuha leaving the store with the hat for Ayaka, and now on a hunt for her brother. Tomo recapped their Christmas and the morning after and it made his heart yearn for the warmth of his friends again. It would only be a few more days before he could escape the deathtrap that was this town and head back to Inazuma city.

If only it were that easy.

The radio silence between his parents and himself didn’t last long enough. The sweet quiet of his bubble popped a day later, after his father came home from work particularly irritated.

The short male ran up the stairs as the screams of his father echoed throughout the house, slamming the door to his room with angry tears in his eyes. Through the thin wood he could hear his father’s yelling and his mother trying to calm him down, only making it worse. With the flames fanned, Kazuha threw his bag on the bed and shoved his stuff in, trying to ignore the world around him and letting himself get consumed on his task. The door to his room flew open, his father scolding him but not daring to raise his hand on him.

It went on like that for a while, and when his father realized he wouldn’t be getting a reaction out of his son, he scoffed and turned around.

“What a disappointment.”

When the door slammed behind him Kazuha finally let himself slump, his shoulders sagging as he hung his head, his hands planted on his bed.

“That’s my middle name.” He whispered, feeling himself shiver from contained emotion. Slowly turning to sit down on the edge, he let his head roll back and let out a long breath trying to calm down.

The male hadn’t even been doing anything. He had been in the kitchen washing the dishes he had used when his father came storming in yelling at him. He doesn’t remember most of what he said as he let it go in one ear and out the other, but he got the gist of it.

Disappointment. Tattoo. Piercings. Dyed hair. Poor excuse of a man. Dying alone. Ruining his career.

Dilly dally shilly shally.

When the tremors wouldn’t stop he wracked his brain on what Beidou would do. He has learned from her that bottling his emotions is the last thing he should be doing. It would only hurt him in the long run. No one else knew better than her on how to take his mind off the thoughts eating him alive.

What the hell would Beidou do?

And no matter how much he thought on it, nothing came to mind.

Slowly yet surely the light outside his room dimmed and soon the moonlight stretched across the floorboards, the cool of her embrace draping itself across his socked feet and up his legs. The crickets outside started to sing in harmony, creating their sweet melody as the male slowly caved in on himself, letting his body drop against his stuffy mattress and wrap himself in the covers that were too thin to shelter him from the cruel words his father spit his way. As he pulled the blankets over his head his bag slid off the bed and crashed against the floor making him cringe.

His father’s booming voice started up again downstairs so Kazuha attempted to cover his ears with pillows, hoping that it would either suffocate him or silence the world around him. It went on like that for a while and the ivory haired male tried to think over the ringing quiet of his room, recapping the last few days over and over in his head until it was seared into the back of his eyes. Till it made them warm and wet and suddenly the room was too little, too unfamiliar, too far away from everything and everyone he considered his real family.

Thickening his arm out from under his cocoon he waved it around in a pathetic attempt to find his phone, almost giving up and retreating back into it when his pink made contact with a sleek cool surface on the side of his bed about to fall off. Gripping it and yanking it towards his face, he closed his eyes tight when he heard something fall and shatter downstairs followed by more yelling. Pressing the pillow against his ear tighter as he checked the time, zeroing on the 8:49 in bold white on his lockscreen. Another thing fell and broke.

Swiping up and unlocking it, he was immediately bombarded by photos of his friends at Yoimiya’s place playing with sparklers and those stupid yen store fireworks. All their stories were loud and colorful and overflowing with joy, it was almost enough to reach out through the screen and make him feel warm. Almost.
Shit, that just sounded like china was shattered in the kitchen.

In contrast to his dark, gloomy, depressing home, there was a whole party going on a few hours away for New Years Eve. His mother hadn’t even ordered KFC chicken to keep up the tradition. It was enough to send goosebumps up and around his arms.

What was he doing here?

Why was he here instead of back home with all his friends kicking it back in Yoimiya’s backyard? Why wasn’t he monitoring his friends from starting a fire on the dry grass?

No one was keeping him here. In fact, he had a sinking suspicion his departure might be celebrated. At least, by one certain individual.

What was he still doing here?

His phone read 8:57 now.

Practically throwing his covers off his bed, he grabbed his bag that had fallen and stuffed everything back in. Putting on his sweater, he grabbed his bag by the hook and flung his room open, rushing into the bathroom and knocking everything that was his into it before running back to the room to throw his charger and dirty laundry in a separate compartment, doing a lazy sweep with his eyes and pivoting on his heel to run down the stairs. Never before had he put on his shoes so quickly and was out the door; it was record time.

Throwing his bag in the back seat, he was fortunately already slamming the driver door closed when his father’s voice started to emerge from the front of the house. It was freezing inside the car but he had no time to spare to warm it up, so he turned it on and immediately started to pull out of the driveway, ignoring his father who was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, his mother not too far behind him watching her son leave without a goodbye. It wasn’t until he was at the end of the street at a stop sign that he finally put on his seatbelt and put the car in dynamic.

By the time he was on the highway he was surpassing the speed limit, music cranked to the max that it even drowned out the GPS that was fighting to be overheard. Don’t point at him, but maybe he did pick up a few things from Beidou.

With it being New Years Eve, the streets were blessedly empty, helping in Kazuha’s relationship between the sole of his shoe and the gas pedal.

Call it silly, but with each mile he put between himself and his childhood, more weight was taken off his shoulders, the stress unknotting from his back and leaving him slack. At some point tears spilled.

They were silent at first but it eventually turned into full blown sobbing. The music that was playing wasn’t even his, it was from Tomo’s playlist, but it drowned out his cries as his knuckles went white from how hard he was gripping the wheel. His tears clouded his vision, so he had to loosen one hand to wipe away at them only for more tears to take their place hanging off from his eyelashes.

To be frank, Kazuha doesn’t know why he was crying, but it felt so fucking good so he let it out. He cried and cried and cried. Cried some more, and even more after that.

Archons knew how fast he was going at that point, outside the windshield wasn"t the only thing the tears were blocking his view from. Call him stupid for driving in such an unstable state, especially with how fast he was going, but it felt good.

It reminded him of the drives Beidou would take him on. Going twice the speed limit, world blurry, no care for anything. All that was missing was the cold wind whipping down his back through his collar. It was an easy fix.

Bashing his fingers on the control panel to open the two front windows; they rolled down and welcomed the chill in. With how fast he was going the popping of the wind inside the car was loud enough to even challenge the blasting guitar that was flooding through the speakers. Rubbing at his eyes again to clear the tears, he tried to solely focus on the road but was unable to.

Why did he stay so long? He should have left the same night his father tried to marry him off. It wasn’t as if him staying there was gonna make anything better. If anything, it made it worse. He willingly put himself in harm"s way and he was stupid enough to think that he had been doing it for his mother when he knows it was because he felt inadequate and wanted to show his father that his words didn’t hurt him. Being in that toxic environment for days fucked with his head and his emotions and if that wasn’t another reason to speed up a little more archons know what is. Passing another car made him force himself to sit back and try to ease up on the steering wheel but with no luck whatsoever. The woman screaming into the mic in the song just wasn’t loud enough, and the chill wasn’t shocking his body yet, so he lowered the back two windows and whipped away at his eyes again.

Yet above all else, the thing he missed the most was an idiotic tall built blond with gorgeous long hair and a winning smile.

He missed him very much.

Either it was Kazuha who flew or the time, but eventually he was turning on yoimiya’s street, trying desperately to dry his eyes before he got out and everyone saw him.

Hiccuping, Kazuha threw on a mask over his lower half of his face and rubbed his under eyes with his sleeve, pulling down the mirror in the driver"s seat to get a good look at himself. His eyes were bloodshot from all his crying, his under eyes almost equally as red with how rough he had been. Taking a stuttering breath in he opened his door and slammed the car door shut, making his way across the street. He was shivering, his body entirely numb from driving with the windows down the whole way, his fingers trembling as he tried to arrange his hair as he made his way to the familiar front of a house. By absolute sheer luck or the speed he had been going down the highway he arrived a couple minutes before the clock struck twelve, but now that he was here he was terrified of facing his friends, and for no good reason. Clearing his throat he tried to look and act as normal as he could.

Making his way to the gate that led to the back, he could hear his friends start to countdown and the fires being lit for the fireworks. Yoimiya’s pride and joy. When he entered, the only two that noticed were Kokomi and Lumine. Oh, and Tomo as he had turned to say something to Tohma who was lounging behind him. Their look of surprise was almost enough to warm him on the inside, as they knew he wasn’t supposed to be back for another few days.

Tomo didn’t say anything, his eyes wide looking at the shorter male from head to toe and back up again. He turned completely at him, ignoring the projector that was set up to display the countdown as his head tilted to the side in a silent worry. No doubt he noticed his wild tangled hair and his puffy eyes.

Biting his lip under his mask, he let himself walk forward without thinking, pulling his mask down and flinging himself at the other, who welcomed him with equally open arms. It was almost like all their other hugs. Almost.

The difference this time was he was kissing the tall blond like all the times he had fantasied of doing so before. But the best part was it was reciprocated.

There was so much they had to talk about. So much that has been left unsaid and so much explaining that the blond had to do, but right now he couldn’t give two flying shits.This might have been a terrible idea but it didn’t matter because the other was warming him up.

By this point his friends noticed his arrival and the screams and clapping wasn’t for the countdown reaching zero and the fireworks going off in the distance around them. He could faintly hear Yoimiya yell something and a pop going off not too far away from him, and explosion going off right over their heads.

Yet it didn’t matter, because Tomo’s arms tugged him impossibly closer and it was the start of a new year.

A year with new beginnings.