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Bingus our beloved

Summary:

everybody loves bingus.

it"s a joke fic

in which everyone loves bingus.

Notes:

hii so i"ve been not posting for a while cause my abuser found me so i was a bit stressy but i whooped him with facts and logic(aka he never texted me after finding my account real cool nd smooth) but dw about me i"ll get back to updating since he"s not really there so i am safe.

Jax if you"re reading this kindly fuck off because I will insult you before you can insult me.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

benis.. Bingus... he looked like a benis. Basically, every dude at camp half-blood knew that Bingus looked like a penis. Or, everyone knew. Didn"t matter your sexuality, you"ve seen a penis shape at least once in your life. I mean, c"mon man.

With the amount of penis joke items out there, even the asexual campers knew Bingus looked like a penis. Speaking of, were there any? Well, Reyna exists ok, she probably knows. Listen, Leo had made phones and wifi demigod-safe, finally, at last, the campers can experience the wonders of the internet. Leo tested this how you may ask?

He googled memes, that"s how. He found a picture of Bingus and printed it out to harass everyone with. Man fucking put a picture of Bingus in the infirmary and said it was a diagram of the penis, just to confuse the loopy campers and the young ones. Yeah, the Apollo cabin weren"t huge fans of Leo"s trolling. The fucking mad lad made a bunch of social media"s just to spam Bingus.

He got those accounts banned, but he had 70 alternate accounts. They were Eggfucker1, Eggfucker2, Eggfucker3, so on and so on. His users weren"t important, what was important though? It was Bingus. Bingus was important.

The jackass superglued Bingus onto Nico"s bed, the reason? Well, it happens to be that if you model a bed after a coffin, there is a lid. And this lid was helpful because now Nico would see Bingus every time he went to sleep. Sweet dreams, death boy. Nico was absolutely pissed when he found out that no, he can"t tear bingus off the lid without tearing off some wood, and cleaning out splinters from your bed can be a pain in the ass.

Leo took it a step further, and superglued it to the top of the lid, then he superglued it to every side of the box. Yeah, Nico still wasn"t a huge fan, because now he would always wake up looking into Bingus"s eyes, and I don"t know about you but that"s weird. Nico literally got Jason to tear off the damn picture, because he"s buff and probably knows how to *not* break things. Perfect for getting a picture of a naked cat on a man"s lap looking into your soul off your coffin-bed thing. Leo printed out every frame of the Bingus video and taped it to the Apollo cabin.

Not taped, taped, stapled, and then superglued. He thought it was funny because everyone in there is bi, or at least their dad is. He"s still harassing Nico with it because he is a troll and has no limits, he knows not to fuck with Nico and he does. Is he stupid or suicidal? Probably both, knowing his childhood and all. Well, Nico decided to harass Leo back. With pictures of Zuko. Bald Zuko, to be exact. It was only fair, Leo is built like a firebender with his weird-ass fire powers(seriously how did this get past nickelodeon they would sue Leo himself for his powers), Leo was terrified of bald Zuko, so both the entire apollo cabin and Nico started printing out pictures of the ATLA cast bald, and supergluing it everywhere Leo was known to go.

They superglued Katara to Festus. THEY SUPERGLUED BALD KATARA TO FESTUS. In the meantime, the entire camp made a Bingus worship discord server, complete with special bingus emojis and incoherent texts because they didn"t get a greek keyboard for a while before finding the language setting on the computer and phone. They eventually did, gold stars for all of you. They kept Leo out, and if he ever got in they banned him.

Leo has this way of typing that you just know it"s him. Everyone got Sims 3 and Sims 4 just to make Bingus, and got so addicted they got every single damn pack. They literally gave EA drachmas and said "Listen, we saved the world. Take the drachmas." EA is afraid of millions of teenagers, so they accepted the drachmas. At least they"re prepared for the underworld for when they all drown in the bathtub all together at the same time. They filled their households with Bingus, every open spot was Bingus.

Their games could barely stand all the Bingus. But Bingus never dies, Bingus saved their computers, Bingus saved their games, Bingus saved their souls.

Bengus..

Notes:

so i was serious when i said the next fic will be a grooming fic because I like to write that cause its just like pure testosterone in my veins + a nice bump of serotonin /j
ok no I actually just write it because it makes my trauma a bit easier to cope with cause I am *exposing bitches about the reality of the internet*
I"ll probably not do catboy nico again since I cant even remember why I added that because I fuckin
i even forgot he was a catboy while writing bro.
but yeah TikTok or sumn next I don"t know many social media"s you can get groomed on idfk i was groomed on youtube and wattpad shits wild.