Chapter Text
An hour later, after requesting a new set of sheets, filling his stomach with onigiri offered in the mall, and writing down what he’ll have to pay attention to in his volleyball notebook, Kageyama runs down to the indoor training hall, making it just in time for the official greeting to start.
Kageyama can’t help but notice how amazing this place is, as he stands in the third line of gathered players, between attendants he doesn’t recognize: the center itself is huge, the floor isn’t wooden boards, and there is a screen that shows everything that happens on the court on a six-second delay, so that everyone can instantly check up on how they did.
... So cool.
“So, kids!” The national team’s coach grins after he finishes his greeting speech. “We start our Sparta training tomorrow at seven o’clock sharp, so make sure to get proper rest. Spend the rest of your time wherever you want. Tidy up the court if you stay.” With a knowing chuckle, the coach leaves them to their own devices.
Kageyama’s eyes light up at both ‘Sparta training at seven’ and ‘wherever you want’. Yes!
“You heard the coach. What do y’all say to a greeting game, now?” A short player with snow-white hair and strikingly green eyes proudly calls out from the first row, drawing Kageyama’s attention for the first time.
He’s only a little taller than Hinata ... Is he a libero?
“Ooh! I’m in!” Atsumu, who is standing next to that boy, answers eagerly. Some players accept the offer verbally, while others nod in silent confirmation, yet not a single one leaves - Kageyama is sure his eyes must be shining.
The amber-haired setter grins and places both hands on his hips. “A’ight. Most of us don’t know each other, so let’s form separate groups based on our positions for overview, and randomly build teams, yeah?”
Smirking, Atsumu catches Kageyama’s gaze. “Setters first.”
Sugawara was right. How the fuck didn't he pay attention to the name in 'Monthly Volleyball'? Miya Atsumu is an amazing setter, and his serve ... Fuck, his serve! It’s amazing! And it’s not even just him – everyone present is exceptionally strong and unique, especially the short, white-haired boy by the name of Hoshiumi Korai, as he has found out during the introduction earlier. His jumps are better than Kageyama’s, for fuck’s sake!
“Oops!” Escapes the libero on Kageyama’s team, Komori, as his dig forms an unclean pass.
“Nice save!”
And Kageyama is so enthralled by the game, so mesmerized by feeling it that he fucks up a set for Sakusa, which also means victory for Atsumu’s team – the sixth out of ten sets they have played.
As the ball falls down with a thud, untouched, all eyes are on Kageyama, and the hall silent save for the collective heavy pants. ... Oops. Okay, that was embarrassing. No Hinata to smash the impossible here.
“... Sorry. Habit.” That earns him confused scowls, too, and an entertained chuckle from across the net. Yeah, that one annoys him the most. Hmpf. He only fucked up that one set! His prior sets were all perfect!
“Now, now, Tobio-kun. That set screamed ‘of course you’re this far into our approach already, aren’t ya?’ Just what kind of hitters are ya normally setting for, if that’s a habit?” Atsumu grins, breathing heavily and stretching his arms. “Man, wouldn’t have showered if I’d known I’ll sweat like a pig anyway.”
Atsumu doesn’t seem to await an actual reply to his question as he lazily saunters out of the hall, shoulders slumped in exhaustion. Ugh, whatever. Still catching his breath, Tobio throws a glance at the digital clock on the wall.
It’s midnight already? Woah. He should shower and go to sleep as soon as he can, or he’ll mess up his health plan even more than he already has. With that in mind, Kageyama helps tidying up the hall in a rush, and jogs upstairs.
Kageyama closes his eyes and exhales deeply as cold water trickles down his body, washing all tension in his worn muscles away. Taking a shower after an exhausting, good game is one of the best things a man can experience, no kidding.
After a few minutes, his state of momentary tranquillity is broken by a hummed melody resonating from several shower cabins to his left, accompanied by the sound of water hitting tiles. Oh. Kageyama thought he was alone.
As whoever is humming starts to sing, however, his brows rise in surprise. Oh my god. Is this ... ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears?
Sugawara loves this song, and lets it run loudly on every trip. Kageyama almost bursts out laughing because ... you know, it’s kind of funny. Yet he has to admit that Britney’s fan over there has ... actually a great voice, even though his English absolutely sucks. Hitting all notes with no difficulty, it’s clean and deep – honestly pleasant to the ears.
“Oooh, fuck!” Kageyama was planning to listen a little longer, yet jumps as the melody gets suddenly replaced by a curse. Hah?! Was that-
“Uh, hey! Whoever’s there, are ya done washing yer hair? I forgot my damn shampoo. Ugh!”
Miya-san?!
Wow, okay. That’s unexpected. Tobio opens and closes his mouth a few times, then hurriedly wraps a towel around his hips and stalks out, clutching the requested item. He immediately notices a pair of feet peeking out of the door a short distance away, and crouches down to place the shampoo on the tiled floor, where Atsumu can reach it.
“Thanks! Who ’re you?”
“Uh, Kageyama.”
“Tobio-kun? Aw! I’ll return it after I’m done, promise!” Atsumu assures chirpily, picking Kageyama’s shampoo up from the floor.
“Okay.”
It is only when Kageyama is back in his shower cabin that he realizes he has not washed his own hair yet. Great. Well, fine, shower gel will do; hair plays no role in volleyball, and thus doesn’t matter much.
Soon, Atsumu starts singing again – a song Tobio doesn’t recognize, this time. Its melody is soft, a good balance of sad and happy. If Atsumu’s English wasn’t so broken, it would be worth recording, actually. Man, he still can’t process that Miya Atsumu can sing. It may sound stupid, but he ... doesn’t look it.
Around the same time as Tobio finishes his routine, wet footsteps near his cabin.
“Yo, Tobio-kun. Ya done?”
Kageyama immediately grabs for his towel. It’s strange to hear Atsumu’s voice, which is naturally clear enough for its every note to echo loudly from the white tiles, so near to his naked body, even though a door is separating them. Atsumu is not just any guy, okay? He’s a setter whose skills in volleyball effortlessly call for admiration, and he’s not ugly, god damn it.
“Er, yeah, give me a sec’.”
Securing the towel in place – thank god it’s a quite wide and long one – Kageyama slicks his hair back by habit to keep the water from dripping onto his face, and clicks open the door. Atsumu is waiting right outside with Tobio’s shampoo on his outstretched palm, grinning as usual, and dressed in a towel as well.
“There you –” Atsumu starts, yet halts as soon as Kageyama steps out of the cabin, the corners of his lips retreating back a little.
“– go ...” His light amber eyes, now unfocused unlike on the court, stay on Tobio’s face for a few seconds before slowly travelling down to his neck and upper body.
As for Kageyama ... he may have already seen Atsumu practically fresh out of the shower, but this time is different. There it is again. That intense, unreadable gaze, only that now, the skin it trails is unguarded; exposed, just as Atsumu’s is, and Tobio is propelled by god knows what to stare back in a similar fashion.
Yeah, being sixteen and gay is disorienting. Being sixteen, gay, and not knowing whether or not your easy-on-the-eyes roommate, who is kind of throwing mixed signals, is gay too, is disorienting as well. And so is not understanding why not knowing alone is bothersome.
Luckily, the strange silence is soon broken by loud voices from the outside – the others must already have finished digging for food and are going to shower, as they said they would. Kageyama clears his throat.
“Thanks.” He reaches for the shampoo bottle in Atsumu’s still hovering hand, and has to tug twice at it for the setter to blink up as if in sudden recollection, and finally ease his fingers. Is Kageyama imagining things, or was he lost in his thoughts, just now?
“Yeah,” Atsumu grins light-heartedly, as if nothing had happened, and walks back into his shower cabin, for some reason. Wasn't he finished? Probably wasn't, then.
“Aaah, finally! Y’all stink like fucking wild animals,” sounds from the other side of the entrance, before the door opens loudly and at least ten guys come in, laughing and hitting each other playfully. “So do you, dipshit.”
“Ah, you done already? G’night, Kageyama-kun,” Komori calls out, removing his jersey.
“Yeah, night.” Kageyama turns around and hastily walks out of the spacious bathroom, frowning a little at the earlier exchange, before deciding to forget it. Whatever.
Having arrived at the dorm room, Kageyama runs a hand through his hair. For the first time, he is alone, surrounded by absolute darkness save for the thousands of lights illuminating the streets of Tokyo outside of the window.
“Wow.” Tobio opens the it, gazing down the humane figures moving back and forth in a rush, crossing paths like ants. After minutes of drinking the view in, he notices that unlike in Tohoku, the people in Kita City don’t stop to wave at each other, simply swirling around and continuing on their way.
Tohoku ... Right. He still hasn’t called Hinata. Has he found out what happened? Kageyama furrows his brows. Despite feeling a little guilty, he really doesn’t want to have anything to do with his hometown right now. After all that had happened, he just needs a break from it all. It’s understandable, isn’t it?
Shivering from the cold, Kageyama gently closes the window, dresses up and slips into his bed, tightly curling the thick blanket around his body.
Unfortunately, that’s the thing about a false state of security – it allows the mind to wander freely.
Four hours. That’s how long he has managed not to think about Oikawa. Kageyama curses silently, fisting his pillow as it floods him again – that goddamned wave of twisting sadness he wants to fucking punch away, and indulge himself in at the same time.
He doesn’t register how much time passes, but as Atsumu finally returns and the bed over his creaks under weight, he pretends to be passed out. As snores disturb the silence, he is grateful not to be left completely alone with his thoughts, and as his digital alarm clock on the table starts to ring at six in the morning, Kageyama gets up immediately, without having gotten a wink of sleep.
“Don’t skip on your cool down stretches!” The coach yells into the hall, that evening. “You all did well today.”
And that wasn’t easy, by the way. Kageyama has been moving around with the power of sheer will, and the carbs he has stuffed his stomach with, alone. Thankfully, it wasn’t hard to distract himself from what can only be a depressive phase, during the day – Eikishi (also known as Broccoli) has barely ever left his side, Sakusa was determined to find out what resulted in Shiratorizawa’s loss in the finals, and during training, Tobio’s entire concentration was dedicated to adapting his tosses for each hitter individually.
Kageyama yawns, stretching his thighs, when he suddenly feels a presence behind him.
“Hey. Fess up. Where have you seen me before?” As Tobio turns around to face the one talking, Hoshiumi arrogantly crosses his arms, looking as intimidating as a boy of his height can possibly look.
Kageyama suddenly thinks that if Tsukishima was here, he would probably label him as ‘One Inch Man’, or something equally stupid he has successfully pushed Hinata’s buttons with, as the latter announced he was a ‘fucking hero’ (nobody understood the context, he simply scored a line-shot).
“I haven’t. I’ve never met you before,” Kageyama answers, suppressing a snort at the memory.
“That’s not what I meant. I wanna know if you’ve seen my game tape before.”
“I haven’t.”
“Hah?!” Kageyama thinks he accidentally broke him. “Then why didn’t you gape in shock?! Every time you looks at me with this ‘oh-that’s-interesting’ look on your face! Most guys see my height and think I suck! Only when they see me play do they notice how scary I am! That’s the way it’s supposed to be!”
Take notes. Hoshiumi looks like a raging Disney villain. Ursula from ‘The Little Mermaid’, if Tobio had to narrow it down. Seriously, it’s not a fucking exaggeration, just look at his face!
“I am scared of you,” Kageyama reasons, after a few moments. “But you’re a useful reference, too.”
Yeah, he must’ve said the wrong thing, because Hoshiumi’s yell doesn’t sound human. Before he can answer, however, this entire ruckus gets interrupted by a honeyed laugh behind Kageyama’s back. He immediately recognizes it – they haven’t talked at all, today.
“Haha, looks like somebody sure has guts. By the way, Tobio-kun ...” Atsumu stops in front of Kageyama, casually shifting his weight on one leg and adapting his usual carefree grin.
“For that prickly first impression you gave ...” His eye lids lower a little, transforming the smile into a smirk. “... on the court, you’re an awful sweet goody-two-shoes, ain’t ya?”
“What ... ?” Irritation wells up in Kageyama’s chest immediately. Whatever it means, it doesn’t sound like a fucking compliment. Tobio had thought they kind of went along with each other. What’s with him all of a sudden?
Atsumu grins at the scowl directed his way, merely chuckling as he saunters away. Yeah, that just must have been the cherry on top, today. Japan’s best setter insulted his skills. And he doesn’t even understand what the fuck it means!
“Argh!” Kageyama winds his way between the exiting players, in desperate need of fresh air.
The sky is dark already as he jogs out of the building, his breath coming out in frozen puffs. The good part is that he can just run, without worrying about getting lost, because the streets are filled with people he can bother for directions. With that in mind, Kageyama takes whichever turns he pleases, passing a gloomy park, circling the same small building until an old man sitting on a bench nearby throws him a ‘do-you-have-nothing-better-to-do?’ look.
After a good hour or so, Kageyama is running along the god knows which street, dotted with dango shops and small cafes on both sides and illuminated by impressively tall street lanterns, when a familiar crown of amber-colored hair suddenly appears on the street, catching his eye.
Kageyama blinks, then lowers his eye lids in annoyance. “Seriously?” He grumbles to himself.
Atsumu looks perfectly content with his life as he jogs on the other side of the road, the music he’s listening to probably completely blocking out his surroundings, since he has yet to notice his roommate.
Tobio huffs, automatically picking up his pace. Just because. After a few minutes or so, the dark red jacket appears in the corner of his vision once again, and as Tobio turns his head, Atsumu waves at him with a grin, and lunges forward, non-verbally announcing a competition.
“You wish,” Kageyama grits out, and breaks into a sprint. He’s not going to lose here, too. In fact, he is sure he has more stamina. Atsumu always begins to catch his breath more quickly during practice – Kageyama has paid a great deal of attention to flaws in the setter’s abilities.
With twenty feet between them, they pass the same park, circle the same small building a few times, all of it on full speed, until they reach a bridge on the outskirts of Kita City – Kageyama still on one side, and Atsumu on another.
Kageyama smiles proudly as Atsumu reaches his limit first, breathing heavily and propping himself up with hands on his knees. He was right. After waiting for the gap between cars to stretch enough, Tobio jogs over, earning a dramatic honk from an old lady driving ahead.
“Ya fucking animal. Where t’hell is yer damn stamina coming from?” Atsumu wheezes out when Kageyama stops before him, politely offering a bottle of water. It’s the only one he brought, but Atsumu looks like he’s dying, so yeah.
Still catching his breath, the amber-haired boy glances at Tobio, who is struggling not to openly smile at his victory, then at the bottle, and snatches the item out of his hands.
“Thanks.” Atsumu downs the water in several large gulps, thin streaks escaping the corners of his mouth and running down his neck, flushed beet-red from the intense physical effort. Kageyama swallows, averting his eyes. Oh, come on.
“Puh! Sorry I drank the whole thing, Tobio-kun. Ya won't die until we get back, will ya?”
“No.” Now, Kageyama averts his eyes because Atsumu’s upturned lips are the same beet-red as the rest of his face, and wet, to make matters worse. And he’s still breathing heavily. The combination of it all shouldn’t form an attractive image, but here we are.
“Damn, Tobio-kun. D’ya ever blush? Ya just ran a fucking marathon, but are as pale as ever. The hell is wrong with yer circulatory system?” Atsumu wonders as they begin to walk back the way they think they came.
“Don’t know. I think it’s fine.”
“Scary,” Atsumu laughs, looking up to the night sky and locking his hands behind his head. Kageyama curses inwardly, averting his gaze for the third time in one minute. This is a very Oikawa-thing to do.
Now that they are able to talk, however, there is one important question he'd really like to ask.
“... Miya-san.”
“Mh?”
“What did you mean when you called me a goody-two-shoes?” It’s been nagging at him for an hour, mind you.
“I meant just that. Yer serious and obliging out on the court.” Atsumu leans closer with a smirk, whispering into Tobio’s ear, “A real good boy.”
A what? When Kageyama turns around to aim a glare at the setter next to him, they nearly bump noses. He hasn’t even realized until now how close Atsumu had gotten.
Great. Atsumu’s flushed face is even more good-looking from up close. Kageyama draws in a sharp breath despite himself, warmth flooding his cheeks. God damn it. He’s gay, so of course that’s the immediate physical reaction!
The thing is, Atsumu, who is still armed with a smirk and isn’t backing away, probably notices that, and Kageyama swears his eyes darken a little right before they drift down to Tobio’s lips.
At the sight, Kageyama also swears that his stomach suddenly feels warmer than usual. God. Fuck this. Finally, he takes one wobbly step away, and walks ahead with a scowl, hands buried deep in his pockets.
“What? Did I say something wrong?” Atsumu chuckles behind him, catching up in no time. He keeps a modest distance this time, however.
Kageyama scoffs. “Could’ve said it normally.” That very Oikawa-like-manner of teasing just now seriously did funny things to his nerves.
“Heh. Oh please, Tobio-kun. Ya seriously think I haven’t noticed?” And the very Oikawa-like-manner of not caring, too.
“Noticed what?” Kageyama snaps.
“Haha, that you’re attracted to pretty guys just like I am, Tobio-kun. What else?” Atsumu answers, his carefree tone as light as if he was talking about weather.
... Okay. Kageyama hasn’t thought about how he should behave if his suspicions were proven true. Now that they have, he finds he kind of overdramatized it. Why ever he is revealing it, Miya Atsumu is gay - it was to be expected, at this point. He has figured out that Tobio is, too. Did he say it because he wanted them to be less awkward around each other, or what?
That's not what interests him most, however. He steals a curious glance at the setter, who is now humming as usual, while taking in the scenery of the large park they are walking through. His face suggests nothing if not total indifference. Atsumu has said it like the most obvious thing in the world.
“How did you know?” Escapes Kageyama before he can think twice. Tobio looks ahead, avoiding Atsumu’s gaze. By the length of silence, he takes it that Atsumu understands what exactly he means.
“... Hmm. Wish I had a more hilarious story to share, but I don’t. I always knew, kind of.” Atsumu giggles like a fucking school girl. “Y’know I have a twin, right? Osamu. So we watched porn when we were twelve, because that’s what kids do yeah, and that’s when I could put a name on it.”
“That is a hilarious story.” Because no, that’s not what kids do. Who the fuck casually watches porn with their own twin?
“Ya think?” Atsumu laughs. “Ya got a better one?”
At first, Kageyama is unsure of how to answer that question. They walk in silence for a while, and just as the training center peeks out between the buildings, he inhales deeply, and opens his mouth. He wants to talk about it, at least once. Maybe he chooses to right now because Tobio knows Atsumu doesn’t care; and they won’t cross many paths in the future, anyway. Yeah, that’s probably it.
“No. There was ... this guy. I respected him, admired him. He was my senpai, so I thought it was kind of normal, I don’t know. In turn, he always disliked me, but then things happened. I ... I mean we got too close, and that’s when all those years started to make sense. There’s never been anyone else, maybe that’s why I didn’t realize it.”
Whichever part of his exhausted brain had told him laying his heart bare to Miya Atsumu, who can be a huge arrogant prick on the court, is a great idea, Kageyama is glad that he did. Speaking it aloud feels refreshing; like a bucket of warm water is being poured over his tired shoulders.
He doesn’t want advice or whatever, it simply feels good that someone is listening.
“Aha. And then?” Atsumu asks almost casually, yet there is a note in his voice that tells Tobio he doesn’t expect an and-it-went-well story. Well, Kageyama's phrasing was kind of obvious.
They have now reached the entrance of Ajinomoto National TC, and Atsumu pushes open the door, walking on ahead of Tobio.
“... I uh, kind of kissed him in front of his school, although ... he has a girlfriend.” Kageyama answers – he can’t believe he has answered that – surprising himself at how unemotional he sounds. Now that he sums it up out loud, he feels blood boil in his cheeks, because it is fucking embarrassing after all.
Atsumu, who is walking up the stairs in front of him, turns around sharply to gape at him, only to break into a fit of cackling laughter afterwards. Kageyama’s brows furrow. Seriously? Here he is, pouring his heart out, and that bastard just –
“Pfft, man, Tobio-kun. Ya got guts, but yer more stupid than I thought, haha!” God damn it. It’s embarrassing enough as it is! Is this reaction necessary? Immediately, Kageyama regrets telling him anything.
“Ya know, self-pity really doesn’t suit ya. Can’t believe yer wailing after a man, haha! You both on the same team, or what?” The setter continues giggling, turning to walk ahead again.
“... No.”
“Then what’s the big deal?” Atsumu shrugs, making Kageyama blink.
“What do you mean, Miya-san?”
“As an experienced expert, I can tell ya the best way to get through pain is seeing it as the inevitable, and letting it linger until it flieees away like a lil’ bird. Humans are prone to dwelling on the negative, y’know,” Atsumu answers with an index finger high in the air.
Kageyama actually snorts, because Atsumu sounds like a drunk old man bestowing a bunch of kids with a shitty ‘a-wise-man-once-said’ advice. He sure makes it sound easy.
“Thank you kindly. Your shrewd words have successfully unfucked my entire state of mind.”
Atsumu’s laughter at the response is so loud that Kageyama has to press his hand again the setter’s mouth, frowning. Is he insane? They are in the dorm corridor, right now. House rules, man! He waits until Atsumu’s shoulders stop shaking, before letting him go.
“Pfft, what did ya expect, Tobio-kun? Shady life hacks? There’s no actual shortcut to healing. Have to climb the ladder from the bottom, as they say, and all ya can do is choose the way ya look at it. A fucking big pain in the ass, or something ya can manage.” Atsumu throws him an ambiguous smile as he takes a key out of his pocket, and inserts it into the door of their shared room.
Kageyama stares at the back of Atsumu’s head, reflecting on his words. Well, he’s ... right. About everything he has just said, actually. It’s just that since the words were coming out of Miya Atsumu’s mouth, in his usual carefree tone, they didn’t sound like something worth mulling over. But ... maybe humor is just Atsumu’s way of dealing with life?
'You both on the same team, or what?'
'No'.
'Then what's the big deal?'
He remembers his psychology book he decided to read anew before leaving, in that moment. Yeah, that’s hedonistic disengagement – a combination of coping mechanisms called problem avoidance, which means avoiding information associated with a negative event, and positive emotional coping, which means being understanding to oneself. To roughly sum it up, it’s saying ‘I make fun of the situation.’ Can’t be a bad thing, huh.
“No actual shortcut ...” Kageyama repeats quietly as they enter their dark room, moonlight illuminating the wooden floor with cold light. He gently closes the door, then bends down to remove his shoes.
“Well, there is one thing that always works for me.” Atsumu replies immediately, simultaneously placing his own near the entrance and removing his jacket.
Kageyama sounds almost hopeful as he asks which it is, yet it takes a while for the silence that comes after to be broken.
Atsumu walks off to fetch bathroom utensils from his bag before striding back to the exit. Then, the setter halts directly in front of Kageyama, so close that the raven-haired boy can feel Atsumu’s breath hitting his face. Both their figures are shrouded in darkness – Tobio can’t see a thing, and doesn’t even realize he has stopped breathing as he freezes in place.
“Distraction,” Atsumu finally whispers, and Kageyama can hear the smirk in his voice. Then, just like that, Atsumu steps away, and leaves the room, half-closing the door behind him.
Kageyama stays rooted to the spot for a few moments, replaying that word in his mind again and again. Then, he checks the time on his wrist watch. Nine hours until training starts.
Turning around, Tobio reaches for his shoes once more, deciding to use up all the energy he has left in the training hall. It should make falling asleep easier - if he tried it right now, with his mind being flooded by memories the conversation has brought up, he wouldn't be able to close a single eye until the damn sun rises.