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“how long now?”
i don’t bother to lift my head up from my hands to answer craig’s question. i hear someone next to me shift in the direction of the clock and sanjay’s voice says “twenty four hours…”
i feel my stomach lurch and my throat close up. my head suddenly feels like two hands have been placed on the sides of my head and are pushing towards one another as hard as possible. i abruptly stand up, the swivel chair once beneath me now forcibly pushed away. four sets of eyes land on me and four pairs of brows furrow in concern.
“you alright?” eliza asks.
“uh, yea” i swallow and try to breathe in as much air through my mouth as i can. “i just need to get some fresh air…stuffy in here…” i shove past them and rush out of the department of prayers.
i push open the metal swinging doors to the balcony. the cool night air kisses my face and i relish in it, almost stumbling out of relief. leaning against the railing, i catch my breath and stare out at the big blue planet ahead. it almost hurts to look at. sometimes when you care so much about something that is dying, you can’t bear to see it. instead, i focus on picking at the yellow paint peeling off the metal railing.
“beautiful view.” a familiar voice calls out. i stop my ministrations on the railing and bring my focus back to the celestial body in front of me. “it’s nights like these that remind me of what we’re working so hard for.”
“would you like to join me, craig?”
“i would, but i’m scared of being that close to the edge.”
i turn to look at him. he stands next to the door stiffly, one hand on the handle for stability.
“how about i meet you in the middle? i promise we won’t fall.”
craig takes a deep breath and nods. he takes a few steps forward while i move back. we stand in silence for a while, gazing at earth’s blinking lights.
“are you sure you’re alright?” he asks after a while. “you left awful quickly.”
i catch his eye and give him a smile as reassuringly as i can get at a time like this. “i’m alright. i just got overwhelmed. there’s so little time…i know i shouldn’t be wasting it out here, but i wouldn’t be any use inside right now.”
craig nods. “i get it, we all need to take breaks and refresh. we’re all exhausted.”
“god, yeah. shockingly, coffee isn’t enough to keep me afloat anymore.”
he laughs and turns back towards the horizon. “i can’t believe they went home.”
i inhale sharply, feeling my head start to fog with panic again. craig’s hand touches my shoulder, light as a feather. “sorry. didn’t mean to stress you out, i just-“
“no, i get it. i can’t believe it either. i swear, i tried to tell the others that you were right, the kiss cam idea was awful, but they were so caught up in their own heads that-“
“they wouldn’t reason. yea, i’ve been there quite a few times.” he says, chuckling dryly.
“i’m sorry they locked you up in that cabinet. i should have done more.”
“honestly, i think i needed it. it was just like this: a refresh.”
a comfortable silence falls upon us. we watch the planet in front of us rotate like it always has, having no idea that its future is in the hands of a few incompetent angels at the moment.
“you know…if we fail, if the world ends, we’ll still be alright.” craig says.
i nod.
“and where will you go if we lose?”
“wherever you are, i guess.” i say. we turn to look at each other at the same time. a look crosses craig’s face that i can’t understand. he looks almost taken aback, alarmed, shocked at my words. i tilt my head in confusion and his hand tentatively reaches up to my cheek. his fingers hesitate an inch away from my skin until it’s confirmed that i’m not stopping him.
“you’re the only one.” he whispers.
“the one one who what?”
“the only one that gets it…gets me.”
“craig, i-“
he leans in and i stop myself from saying anything more. again, he halts an inch away from me. we don’t have anymore time to wait. this time, i close the gap between us.
when we break apart, craig leans his forehead against mine, a smile gracing his lips. “if the world ends, at least we’ll still have each other.” i say.
“but we won’t let it end. we at least have to try,” he tells me. “we should get back in there. we don’t have much time left.”
i nod and we step away from each other. craig starts for the door and i grab his hand to stop him. “wait-“
“one more for good measure.” i pull him in by the back of his neck and kiss him quickly before heading back into the basement.
craig catches up to me, gingerly taking my hand. i squeeze his and smile, having a newfound motivation to keep the earth turning.