Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The closer Hoseok got to Jungkook’s apartment, the higher the moon rose in the sky. It now no longer disappeared behind the buildings; the moon stood an almost perfect hundred and eighty degrees from the concrete Hoseok was walking on, giving it no place to hide. It lit the sidewalk brightly with an ivory hue, painting a beautiful picture. 

The radiation coming from the sky didn’t contain any heat though, making the night chilly. Hoseok had already wrapped himself tighter in his padded jacket, cold, but at least the hot bucket of chicken kept his fingers warm. Nonetheless, when he finally found himself nearing Jungkook’s doorstep, he was glad to be surrounded by the four walls of his apartment complex. 

He roamed through the hallway until he found the apartment number he was looking for and stopped in his tracks. The front door was a light wood colour, which fitted perfectly with the neutral tones inside the apartment. As if Jungkook had adjusted his interior to it. The door was personalized too, with a polaroid of Nari and Jungkook hanging next to the apartment number. Their initials were written in the little white space underneath. Hoseok remembered being the one to take that picture on Jungkook’s birthday.

As he looked at it while he reached out for the doorbell, he felt his heart race in his chest.

He started to feel his hands get clammy despite the cold. And he didn't know why, but as he tried to gather the courage to ring the doorbell, he heard Namjoon's soft voice and reassuring advice echo through his mind. It made him close his eyes and take a deep breath. Then, without giving himself a chance to second-guess himself, he pressed the doorbell with his index finger. 

It only took twenty seconds for Jungkook to answer. Curiously, Jungkook opened the door, dressed in a pair of Fila track pants and a white long-sleeved T-shirt that was so big that even Jungkook’s massive chest disappeared in it. The inside of his apartment was dark, but thanks to the light bulbs that hung in the general hallway of the building, Hoseok could see the fluffy mess on top of Jungkook’s head. His cheeks were puffy and pink, so much so, that Hoseok wondered if he’d woken Jungkook up. 

“Hey,” Jungkook greeted, his voice a bit creaky. His eyes locked with Hoseok’s for the first time that night, and Hoseok could feel his heart start to swell in his chest the moment they did. Those big eyes were so familiar. Tonight they were laced with concern and sparked with curiosity. But they were also warm, always warm, and Hoseok wanted to drown in that stunning chocolaty colour. “What are you doing here so late?” Jungkook asked, the curious concern now evident in his voice as well. It must’ve been later than Hoseok thought.

“I come bearing gifts,” Hoseok answered, smiling at Jungkook’s puzzled expression as he lifted the paper bag filled with chicken in the air. 

Jungkook opened his front door a little more and stepped outside of the doorway. The shift of position gave the light from the old bulbs in the hallway a better chance to shine upon Hoseok, and it was only then that Jungkook noticed the nervousness behind Hoseok’s smile - and the brand of the fried chicken restaurant a couple of blocks away on his paper bag. “Chicken?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Hoseok answered as he let gravity pull his arm back down. He looked at Jungkook and then at the complete darkness coming from his apartment and explained, “I thought we should talk.”

Shyly, Jungkook grabbed Hoseok’s arm that wasn’t holding the bag of chicken. He pulled on it, gently, but strong enough for Hoseok to stumble a couple of steps forward. It caused him to suddenly stand within Jungkook’s space, and when he looked up, he could see something vulnerable glinstering in Jungkook’s big pupils. But he didn’t have the chance to decipher what it was, because Jungkook was already wrapping his strong arms around Hoseok’s shoulders. 

“Please,” Hoseok heard Jungkook whisper against the side of his face before Jungkook buried his nose in Hoseok’s hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. They stood like that for a couple of seconds, hugging in the hallway, before Jungkook loosened the grip on Hoseok’s shoulders and whispered, “Come in.”

“Actually,” Hoseok said as he took a step back so that he didn’t have to crank his neck so much to look at Jungkook’s eyes. “Could we go outside? The moon, it’s stunning."

Jungkook seemed a little puzzled at the request. "Where do you want to go?" he asked. "Nari's here. She's asleep, but we can't go far."

“Just your doorstep is good,” Hoseok responded. He remembered how he’d stood on the apartment complex’ doorstep a couple of minutes ago and thought the view of the moon was stunning. “Dress warmly though. It’s cold.”

Jungkook did just that. He disappeared into the darkness of his apartment, leaving Hoseok in his doorway. A little while later he came back wearing a big fluffy black jacket and his chunky boots, a baby monitor in his hands. With sweater paws around his palms, he locked the door behind him, and he gave Hoseok a soft smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes before they started walking through the hallways of the building in silence. 

Once they arrived outside, the silence broke, because Jungkook let out an adorable ‘woah’ at the sight of the moon. He looked at the big rock in the sky with eyes about double their normal size and stared at it for a full three minutes with his mouth agape - snapping a few pictures and telling Hoseok how amazing it looked in the meantime. After he was satisfied with his shots, he finally settled down on the doorstep next to Hoseok, this time with a smile that actually reached his eyes, as he demanded the chicken. 

The whiny demand made Hoseok chuckle, but he still granted the bucket to him. He was just relieved that the combination of the moon and the food seemed to break the tension a little bit. There were tiny stars in Jungkook’s eyes. He always got those when he was happy. Hoseok was a little sad that he was going to have to bring down Jungkook's good mood. 

But he couldn’t dance around it any longer, so after Jungkook had eaten two full pieces of chicken and Hoseok had munched up about half of one - the two of them talking about the wonders of the universe in the meantime - Hoseok decided it was time to speak up. 

( stay close - sparse - syml ) ( YT )

“So,” he started. It made Jungkook turn to look at him, and he immediately seemed to know that this was the part where they started talking, because the smile disappeared off his face and he started to wipe his hands clean with the wet wipes provided with the chicken. It made Hoseok nervously bite his lip before he confessed, “I lied to you.” 

Jungkook kept looking at him, not saying anything in return, although his face did enough of the talking. The happy sparkles in his eyes disappeared, and he made himself smaller, letting his body disappear into the excess fabric of his jacket. But he kept his eyes on Hoseok’s, and they were asking Hoseok to elaborate - waiting for Hoseok to explain himself. 

“Yesterday. When I cancelled because I said I was going to have dinner with my sister,” Hoseok added, even though he was pretty sure Jungkook already knew the when. He sighed and tore his gaze of Jungkook’s eyes, finding them to be too vulnerable looking, and stared at the moon instead. “I lied,” he said. “She wasn’t even in town.” 

Silence. The sound of a car driving past them. Then, softly, “I know.” 

The words didn’t sound mad like maybe Hoseok had expected them to be. They didn’t sound betrayed either. They just sounded like Hoseok had stated a fact that Jungkook already knew about. 

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok responded, meaning it. 

More silence. Not the comfortable kind that Hoseok was used to when it came to them. It was the awkward kind of silence, where Hoseok felt like he should say something, but didn’t know what to - which was very unlike him, and in turn, made him even more uncomfortable.

Thank god Jungkook broke it. “Why did you?” he asked, staring at Hoseok with big eyes that Hoseok was purposely not looking back at. “Lie to me?” 

“You asked if I could put Nari to bed,” Hoseok answered like it was obvious.

Although Hoseok couldn’t see with the way his gaze was fixated on the moon, Jungkook frowned. “You could’ve just said no.” 

His tone was a little resentful, and Hoseok hated the way it sounded. “I’m sorry,” he said again, not really knowing what else to say. He knew that he didn’t have it in him to tell Jungkook a straight ‘no’ that afternoon. He’d always been bad at turning people down. 

It was quiet again. Awkward-quiet. Hoseok was trying to decipher whether Jungkook was pissed at him or not, but he couldn’t, because he still didn’t have the guts to look Jungkook straight in the eyes. Jungkook, on the other hand, had started to nervously bounce the heel of his foot against the concrete. 

Then, Jungkook spoke up, his voice raw and vulnerable. If Hoseok wasn’t mistaken, he even sounded a little guilty. “I think I know why you lied,” Jungkook confessed. “Well, not why you lied. You shouldn’t have done that. But I think I might understand where you are coming from.” 

In response, Hoseok turned his head around. With furrowed eyebrows, he finally faced Jungkook, who was now carefully avoiding Hoseok’s gaze. “You do?” he asked. 

Jungkook let out a sigh. “I know Yongsun talked to you,” he admitted. His fingers twisted the used wet wipe when he added, “She told me. I know what she said. What you said.”

“You knew?” 

Jungkook didn’t verbally respond. He just nodded his head and looked up at the moon again. 

And the pull of the moon was so strong that, inevitably, Hoseok did the same. He looked at the sky, dark blue and mysterious. Hoseok had no idea what else was hidden in that blanket of darkness. The stars weren’t even visible here amid the city. Only the moon. Only what she shone on could be revealed. 

“God,” Hoseok groaned as gravity pulled him back. He landed with his back on the concrete, giving him a better view of the moon. She told him he was stupid, stupid, stupid. “I hate myself for not bringing this up sooner.” He looked at Jungkook. He didn’t look back at him. In thought still, gaze fixed on the galaxy. “I should’ve. I know I’ve been acting weird because I didn’t. I just- I couldn’t find the right time. And then you asked me to watch Nari and I just flapped.”

He reached out for Jungkook’s hand. Let his cold fingers play with Jungkook’s equally cold ones. “Listen, Koo,” Hoseok started. When Jungkook finally turned his head and met his gaze, Hoseok smiled. Muscles in his body tensed up and then relaxed again before he spoke, “What Yongsun said, it gave me a huge reality check about the fact that because I’m in a relationship with you, ” he stopped for a moment to fully grab Jungkook’s hand. He traced his fingers over the tattoos on it before he pulled on it, getting Jungkook to lay down on the concrete with him. When they were on eye level, he continued. “I’m in some sort of relationship with Nari too. And it just made me think about what that relationship should look like. What you might want it to look like. How I want it to look like.” He finished there, turning his head to look at Jungkook with anticipation. 

What he did not expect was for Jungkook to un-intertwine their hands. “You don’t want this?” Jungkook asked, vulnerable, scared. Like Hoseok, but for different reasons. 

“I do!” Hoseok confessed, the words spilling past his lips as fast as they could. He looked at Jungkook, followed the moonlight that fell on his cheekbones and eyes, felt his chest tighten, and whispered, “God, Jungkook, you have no idea how much I do.”

“But you don’t want my family,” Jungkook responded, still hesitant.

But Hoseok shook his head resolutely, seeing the panic in Jungkook’s eyes. He dared to reach out and cup Jungkook’s cheek, using the pad of his thumb to trace the skin with more love than any moonlight ever could. “Koo, that’s not what I’m saying.” He didn’t know why, but he hadn’t expected Jungkook to be so vulnerable during this conversation. Mad, maybe, even though he’d never really seen Jungkook angry. Perhaps mature, since he was like that a lot of the time. But not… this. Not so much sensitivity. Perhaps it was just another layer for Hoseok to discover. 

“What are you saying, then?” Jungkook asked, letting his eyes fall close for a second as Hoseok continued to stroke his cheek. His eyelashes fluttered on the tan skin of his cheeks, the tone looking slightly lighter in the pale moonlight. 

Even with his eyes closed, Hoseok could see that Jungkook was tense. Hoseok hated that Jungkook was so tense. “Jungkook,” he said, tone clear. “I want you,” he confessed. “I want your family too. I want everything , so much.” He watched how Jungkook opened his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering for a second, and continued. “I’ve fallen for you. Not only for you but for Nari too.”  

For a moment, a cheeky smile appeared on Jungkook's lips. Like he just couldn't help himself. "Well," he said. "We are pretty charming."

“You are,” Hoseok replied, cracking a smile as well. Then, more seriously, “I want to stay. Please know that I’m going to stay as long as you let me.”

“Even after what Yongsun said?”

“Even more after what Yongsun said,” Hoseok replied. “She didn’t say anything bad. She just gave me some things to think about.” He reached out for Jungkook’s hand again, glad that this time, Jungkook let him take it. “I don’t know what she told you, but she said that I should think- that we should think about my role in your family. And I have no idea what that role is or should be. Or if I have the skills to fulfil it. But, I’ve come to realize that I want there to be a place for me.”

In response, Jungkook tugged on their intertwined hands. He pulled them towards him, and, with a soft smile dancing on his lips, he kissed Hoseok’s ring finger. He kissed it softly, one, two, three times until he guided Hoseok’s hands towards him, gesturing for Hoseok to cup his cheek. 

Hoseok did. He let his thumb trace the moon-lit apple of Jungkook’s cheek and smiled. 

“You know,” Hoseok said after a while. “Nari called me abeoji once.” He followed the line of Jungkook’s scar with his index finger and explained, “I know it didn’t mean anything, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. How my relationship with you will affect Nari.” His hand moved further until it was in Jungkook’s hair. Hoseok played with the strands, glad to have Jungkook so close. To be able to be so honest with him. “I feel clueless about so many things. I know nothing about how to be around a child. I got- I got insecure I think. A little scared.”

He watched Jungkook look at him. There was a wrinkle in between his two eyebrows, telling Hoseok that he was listening, thinking, trying to figure things out. “We haven’t talked about this,” Hoseok said. “About ground rules for her. What I can and can’t do and what I should and shouldn’t be doing. That kind of stuff.”

Jungkook took a second to respond. Hoseok could see him fumbling with his double sweater paws from the corner of his eyes, and he was shifting his big eyes between Hoseok and the sky. The reflection of the moon still twinkled in them. “You’re right,” Jungkook said eventually. He bit his bottom lip, revealing the mole underneath before he released it again. “You’re right and I know but I just- I didn’t want to-” He stopped himself, took a breath to calm himself, and turned to Hoseok to ask him, “You said Nari called you dad, right?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok confirmed. “Like, once. And I know kids do that without thinking but-”

“She didn’t just call you dad once,” Jungkook interrupted, surprising Hoseok. 

It made Hoseok turn his head around again. He found Jungkook looking at him a little guilty, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth again. “Huh?” Hoseok asked, confused. 

“She… There was a period when she referred to you as abeoji whenever she talked about you. I told her that she couldn’t just do that, not without…. She stopped, after my birthday, but-” He cleared his throat, fumbling nervously with the fabric of one of the oversized pieces of clothing he was wearing, and smiled at Hoseok a little sheepishly before he said, “The point is that I knew we should’ve been having this conversation. But I put it off. We were doing so great, and I knew you were hesitant about the whole single-dad thing when we just started dating, so I just…”

“...Didn’t say anything,” Hoseok finished for him as he watched Jungkook nod. “Just like I didn’t say anything,” he finished, not being able to stop a tiny smile from spreading on his face.

( this is how you fall in love - jeremy Zucker & chelsea cutler ) ( YT )

Jungkook seemed to feel the same way. Hoseok could hear a cute chuckle escape past his lips before he shifted in his position. He rolled over until half his upper body and a leg was on top of Hoseok, and he was cuddled up to Hoseok’s side. 

And so they laid there, in the middle of the night, cuddled up together on the cold concrete of the pavement right before Jungkook’s doorstep. Under the moonlight, with complicated feelings and thoughts remaining in their minds, but also with a weight that had been lifted off their shoulders, because, for some reason, this conversation was going a lot better than Hoseok had imagined it to go.

Eventually, muffled against the fabric of Hoseok’s padded jacket, Jungkook mumbled, “I’m sorry.” He snuggled a little closer to Hoseok’s chest and explained, “I was afraid that you would realize that there was a life much more fun out there without me and everything- everyone I come with.”

Upon hearing the words, Hoseok furrowed his eyebrows and tightened his arms around Jungkook, putting him closer to him and shifting him a little higher, until his nose prodded against Hoseok’s neck. “You think that I want that?” he asked. 

“You don’t?” Jungkook asked, looking up so that he could make eye contact. 

“Baby, no,” Hoseok reassured. He stroked Jungkook’s messy hair. “Koo, ever since I met you, my life has been so much more fun. We could just sit at one of our apartments, you know, just existing, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in this world.”

He pecked the top of Jungkook’s head, watched how Jungkook’s eyes softened, and continued. “But we do need to talk. About us and Nari. We need some rules and boundaries and stuff. Consensus.” He continued to stroke Jungkook’s hair, watching how Jungkook leaned into it like a puppy. “The other day, when you asked me to put Nari to bed. I know it was supposed to be a one-time thing. But I didn’t expect you to ask me that, and you asked it so casually. Like you thought I could just do it.”

“I surprised you. I get that,” Jungkook responded. “I should’ve talked about it with you first.”

Hoseok shook his head. “ We should’ve talked about it first,” he corrected. They were both at fault; he wasn’t about to let Jungkook blame himself. If there was anyone to blame, it was Hoseok - he should’ve told Jungkook how he felt instead of fleeing. 

Jungkook seemed to happily accept his correction because he shifted in his position until his chin was prodded on Hoseok’s chest. “So,” he said. “Putting Nari to bed is too much for you?” 

“Not necessarily,” Hoseok replied. “I mean, I don’t feel like it’s really my place when you’re here,” he explained. “But if you need someone to look after her, I can do it.” Hoseok could do it, right? He thought so. He wanted to be the kind of person who could. “But I would like a how-to beforehand, though,” he finished with a laugh. 

That, in turn, made Jungkook perk up his eyebrows. “Why don’t you watch us tomorrow night?” he proposed. “After that, you can decide if it’s too much or not.”

Hoseok reached out for Jungkook’s hair again and put some of the strands that had fallen before his face back behind his ear. “Are you sure Nari is cool with me just watching?” he asked. He didn’t want to intrude. 

“Please,” Jungkook responded. He rested his cheek on Hoseok’s chest and let his fingers play with Hoseok’s jacket’s zipper. “Nari thinks you’re the coolest. She won’t mind.”

“Okay then.” Hoseok liked it. He could watch and learn, and then, when the time came, he would know what to do. 

After a while of just listening to cars driving by and the white noise coming from Jungkook's baby monitor, Jungkook asked, “Are we moving too fast for you?” He sounded genuinely curious, with his expression open, making Hoseok feel like he could tell him anything.

Upon hearing the question, Hoseok took a breath. He watched how his exhale became a white cloud in the dark air; the temperature of the night was getting lower the longer they sat here. He looked at the moon and wondered if it would be hot there right now with it glowing so brightly. 

Then, “I didn’t think we were, to be honest, before… all of this?” His statement sounded like a question. He didn’t know if he was making sense to both Jungkook and himself. “And I don’t think we changed our pace. I just think my mind started catching up if you know what I mean.” He felt Jungkook nod against his chest and took that as a sign to continue. “And I might need another minute before I fully catch up, but I think we’re good. I like where we are, the two of us.”

Jungkook searched for Hoseok’s hand, and eventually found it, lying on top of Jungkook’s back. He grabbed it, intertwined their cold fingers, and asked, “And the three of us?”

“That too,” Hoseok responded. “I adore Nari, and I know you know that. It’s just all very new to me,” he said, finishing his sentence with a chuckle. 

In response, Jungkook hummed. He was still looking at Hoseok with those big eyes of his, and although he looked more relaxed, Hoseok could tell that he was still thinking. And it seemed like he was right, because, after a second, Jungkook asked, “Do you feel like you need to choose between a life with me and the life you used to have?” He clutched Hoseok’s hand a little tighter. As if he was trying to keep Hoseok here.

But he didn’t have anything to worry about, so Hoseok shook his head. “No,” he said. “I’m way past choosing. It’s just the navigating how-to, now.”

That seemed to finally put Jungkook’s mind at ease. He closed his eyes, exhaled softly, and Hoseok could see the smile dancing on his lips. Then, he reached down, started to place soft and delicate kisses right where Hoseok’s neck disappeared into his jacket, and whispered, “I get it now. You need some guidelines. Need to know what we expect from you. And I need to know what you expect from us.”

Hoseok slowly nodded his head. “Yeah, that,” he said. He continued to slowly stroke Jungkook’s hair with his hand that wasn’t held by him and smiled when he felt Jungkook place another kiss on his clavicle - it was sweet. It made him feel… loved. Understood. Comforted. Like they would figure this out. “Exactly that,” he concluded. 

Slowly but surely, Jungkook continued to place little innocent kisses on all of Hoseok’s skin that wasn’t covered by some sort of fabric - his neck, his cheek, the spot right behind his ear. Hoseok could tell that Jungkook was smiling as he did so - had memorized the shape of his lips when he did - which made him smile in return. It was silent as they laid there, intertwined, completely quiet except for a car driving by a street behind them. 

Their fingers continued to play together as Jungkook peppered his skin with kisses and Hoseok couldn’t help but shift his attention to them. He studied the contrast between their hands - one veiny and painted with black lines that formed tattoos, the other a bit more boney and adorned with pretty, carefully selected rings. Both cold because of the chilly breeze. Neither of them free from little imperfections like a cut in the thumb or a torn off nail. They fitted together pretty well; not perfectly, but pretty damn well. 

Then, suddenly, Jungkook stopped - both the kissing and the playing of their fingers - and he rolled over. He moved his leg that was intertwined with Hoseok’s legs until it was on the other side of Hoseok’s body, his knee planted on the concrete floor. Jungkook shifted his weight, making it that he was full-on straddling Hoseok, earning him a surprised raised eyebrow from Hoseok in return. Then, with a huge grin on his face, Jungkook proposed, “Come to Busan with me.”

“What?” Hoseok exclaimed in surprise. Their faces were close together now, so close, that Hoseok could see the sparkles in Jungkook’s eyes and the wrinkles around them, something he only got when he smiled really brightly. 

The wrinkles were now forming around Jungkook’s crinkled up nose, too. “I told you I go to the beach when I need to figure shit out,” he explained. “Let me take you to Busan, to the beach. We can take a couple of days off work and just go. ” He placed a kiss on the tip of Hoseok’s nose, unable to contain his enthusiasm, and added, “Nari’s going to be at Yongsun’s place. It’ll be just the two of us and the waves, and we can talk about life.” He bit his lip, giving Hoseok a flash of that pretty mole underneath there before he released it again and continued to smile, a little more softly this time. “About what we want from it. What we want from each other. We can figure this out.”

“What about work?” Hoseok asked, still hesitant about the idea of leaving everything to just go to Busan for the weekend. 

“Oh, Yoongi-hyung is soft for me. He’ll let us go. He can find a substitute for us or something,” Jungkook bargained. 

Hoseok looked at Jungkook, at his pretty smile, and there was just something about his expression that told Hoseok that he really wanted it. And to be honest, escaping to the Busan sea for a couple of days did sound very tempting. Especially if it was with Jungkook. Especially if that meant that they would figure this out. So, despite the suddenness of Jungkook’s request, Hoseok nodded his head. “Okay,” he said. 

“Really?” Jungkook asked, a little surprised by how easy it was to convince Hoseok, but not taking it for granted. Smiling brightly and happily because of it. His expression doing that bunny thing. 

And Jungkook’s smile had always been infectious, so Hoseok mimicked his grin. “Yeah,” he said as he felt Jungkook wrap his arms around him in a hug.

How could he not?

***

(Later that night, when the time on the digital clock in Jungkook’s bedroom was mere hours separated from the time of the alarm set on Hoseok’s phone, the two of them found themselves in Jungkook’s bed. They were sweaty, intertwined in the white sheets that were now messy and wrinkled. Jungkook was in Hoseok's lab, riding him, pace slow but going deep, with their foreheads pressed together, breaths shared. 

The room was stuffy, their bodies no longer cold, and their soft moans and shaky exhales harmonized with the white noise coming from the city outside. They had left the curtains open, just so that the moon could shine through it and give them a source of light.

They were kissing - hungrily, desperately, messily - with Hoseok’s hands on Jungkook’s ass to help him move. Close; to both each other and their climax, already in that delicious headspace, completely drowning in each other. 

Then, with a shaky breath, lips touching the shell of Hoseok’s ear, Jungkook whispered, “Please don’t leave me.”

Pressing the tips of his fingers a little deeper into the flesh of Jungkook’s ass, Hoseok furrowed his eyebrows. “What?” he asked, not fully understanding what Jungkook meant and not having the mental capacity to figure it out right now. 

Jungkook moved his head from Hoseok’s neck and rested their foreheads together instead. He leaned in for a kiss, but hesitated, and eventually stopped himself from connecting their lips. “I know you’re scared,” he whispered instead. “Overwhelmed and trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that you’re in love with someone who has a daughter.” He closed his eyes, cupped Hoseok’s cheeks tightly with his hands as he did so, and leaned in for a short kiss, grinding down on Hoseok at the same time. “But please don’t leave me.” Another kiss, deeper this time, causing Hoseok to tighten the hold on Jungkook’s waist. “You can’t,” Jungkook continued. He opened his eyes, used them to look Hoseok in the eyes, and Hoseok… He had never quite seen something so vulnerable. There was fear in there, but also something else, something deeper, something desperate, a craving that didn’t seem sexual at all. “I need you not to leave.”

Hoseok felt a hundred emotions swirl through his body. Intense affection, a certain tenderness, that thing where his heart seemed to grow too big for his chest, a desperate need to pull Jungkook closer, nearer, even though their bodies were practically already one right now. 

In love, Hoseok repeated in his head. Fuck. 

“I won’t,” Hoseok answered, his voice much higher than he had intended it to be. Raspier, too. Sounding as vulnerable as Jungkook looked. He pressed their foreheads together again, savouring the feeling of Jungkook’s desperate breaths hitting his skin. He hovered his lips over Jungkook’s, the pillows touching each other but not really kissing. 

“I won’t leave you, Koo,” he repeated before he sealed the promise with a kiss.)

***

Surrounded by beaches, mountains, and nature reserves, Hoseok and Jungkook actually found themselves in Busan a week later. It turned out that finding a hotel near the beach was easier than it seemed, and Yoongi was indeed not difficult to convince. All it took was a pout and a whiny ‘ hyuungg’ slipping past Jungkook’s lips and Yoongi had mumbled an okay. Now they had three whole nights to themselves in a hotel only minutes away from the seaside, with mattresses softer than Hoseok could dream of and breakfast served to them each morning. 

Hoseok had never been to Busan before, but he had to admit, he liked it here. It was a bustling city, but a lot more laid-back than Seoul, and the salty sea breeze seemed to make everything a little bit more relaxed. It was scenic too, the dormant trees making a poetic scene against the icy blue sea. 

On the first evening they got here - yesterday night - after a long four-hour drive full of car karaoke and deep conversations, Jungkook had taken them to a craft beer house. Apparently, it used to be one of his parents’ go-to spots, and rightfully so, because they had a blast. They both seemed to need it; to get a little alcohol in their systems, to let loose, and shake that lingering awkwardness off them. And it didn’t matter that Hoseok switched to water after just one glass; they had laughed and kissed and joked and Hoseok had fallen for Jungkook all over again. 

But today they found themselves on Songdon beach. It was nearly empty, apart from a couple of dogs and their owners playing in the sand and the occasional runner that jogged past the seaside. But Hoseok hadn’t expected it to be crowded; it was cold and it had been occasionally raining ever since they got here. The sand was still damp because of it, making it a grey colour instead of a more yellowy one. The downpour might have ended after lunch, but the wind was still there, crisp and harsh in their faces, causing the both of them to have bundled up in their jackets and hoodies. 

Still, the cold didn't take anything away from the experience. Hoseok had always preferred winter over summer anyways. And the sea was still beautiful. Jungkook was right; there was something about the repetitive motion of the waves hitting the shore and then trickling away again that was calming. That, together with the fresh scent of salt in the air, made Hoseok feel as if his body and mind had been washed clean without touching the water at all. 

He looked around the beach and took in his surroundings until his gaze landed on a group of people in the distance. There, he spotted a child. He was playing with a kite, happy, running around the sand. His father was chasing him around, making sure he didn’t fall, ready to catch him if he did. There was a woman too, probably the mother, watching from a blanket, assumingly cold, but looking at her partner and child fondly. 

The sight was wholesome, almost as if Hoseok was watching a movie, and it sparked an idea. “Hey,” he said, tearing his gaze off the family and focusing it on Jungkook instead, who was busy staring at the seaside. 

“Hmm?” Jungkook responded. He looked up from the shore and met Hoseok’s gaze. Ever since they got to Busan, Hoseok had noticed that his features looked younger. It looked good on him, that youthfulness.  

“What if I take Nari out?” Hoseok proposed. 

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows. “Out?” he wondered out loud, obviously not aware of the trail of thoughts that had been going on inside of Hoseok’s head. 

“Yeah,” Hoseok responded as he nodded his head. He shifted in his position, crossing his legs on the blanket they’d brought, making sure to do it carefully to not bring too much sand. “Just she and I,” he clarified. “We can go during the weekend sometime. I can take her shopping, or to the movies. Maybe to that big indoor playground a couple of blocks from the gym.” He smiled, liking the idea more now that he proposed it to Jungkook, and added, “I think it will be good to spend some time together with just the two of us. To get to know each other a little better without having you there. It'll be fun."

The wrinkle on Jungkook’s forehead that was caused by the furrowing of his eyebrows slowly disappeared as Hoseok explained himself. Instead, tiny little crow’s feet formed around his eyes, which were starting to light up. “You’d do that?” he asked. Hoseok could tell that he wanted to smile, but he was biting his lip to stop himself. Like he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. 

Seeing Jungkook’s expression, in turn, made the corners of Hoseok’s lips curl up. Jungkook and he had already spent half their weekend here, and besides having fun, they’d spend it talking - during the car ride here, on their way home from drinks last night, this morning over breakfast. Hoseok felt like it helped a lot, because he had no idea what it was like to be Jungkook or a single father in general, and Jungkook had no idea what it was like to be Hoseok. And they still didn’t, but it felt that after this weekend, they would be a little closer to understanding. 

Thus, reached forward to gently nudge Jungkook’s chin, making him break his hold on his bottom lip. “Yeah,” Hoseok answered. “Of course. I feel like it would be good for me to spend some time with her, you know.”

It was dazzling to watch Jungkook break out in a real smile, bunny teeth showing and all. And with the way his eyes lit up and he set up a little straighter, his chest puffing up, it was almost as if he was proud of Hoseok. Maybe he was. “Well,” he replied, grinning. “I think she’d really like that.”

“Yeah?” Hoseok responded. “I can treat her to a nice day. And I might feel like a fish out of water for a little, but I'll make it work. She and I just have to find our way of doing things."

“Yeah,” Jungkook responded as he shifted his attention to the hypnotizing movement of the waves hitting the shore again. He stared at it for a couple of seconds, thinking, or rather imagining how cute it would be for Hoseok and Nari to go on a little boyfriend-daughter date. He was sure Hoseok might struggle a bit to hang out with Nari alone and to be honest, it would be weird for Jungkook too to leave the two of them to themselves. But perhaps they just needed to jump into uncharted waters. 

Uncharted waters…

When Jungkook turned to look at Hoseok again, there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Hoseok immediately sat up straighter, ready to listen to whatever Jungkook had to say (and ready to argue it), because Hoseok, he knew that twinkle. That twinkle meant trouble. The last time Jungkook had that twinkle, they’d had sex in Yoongi’s office. There was no good in that twinkle. 

“What did you just say?” Jungkook asked, already grinning. “Fish out of water?” he recalled as he stared at the sea. He got up from the blanket and stood up straight instead. He watched how Hoseok nodded his head in confirmation, although his eyes were wide, looking reluctant to whatever Jungkook was about to do. 

Then, still standing up, Jungkook glanced at the sea again before looking back at Hoseok. The twinkle in his eyes had intensified, looking bright and youthful and like a punk . And with that stupid, charming, bratty smile of Jungkook that Hoseok couldn’t help but be weak for, Jungkook got rid of his jacket. “How about we bring you home, then?” he finally proposed, nudging towards the sea as he did so. 

Towards the very cold, very icy, wavy sea. 

“Absolutely not,” Hoseok argued. He was cold just sitting here in his warm clothes; jumping into that water would be unbearable. He didn’t want to get sick. Besides, they didn’t even have towels or a fresh set of clothes. They would have to go back to their hotel soaking. There was no way that Hoseok was going to swim in that ice-cold water. 

But Jungkook being Jungkook gave him a grin - that dare-devil adrenaline junky grin that Hoseok didn’t see often enough - and continued to strip down. First taking off his shoes, and then even his hoodie, leaving him only in a white T-shirt. 

“Jungkook,” Hoseok called, trying to sound strict. “Don’t you dare,” he said. He was dating an idiot. An absolute, stupid, idiot. “It’s absolutely freezing. You’ll get sick.” 

Jungkook didn’t seem to listen to anything Hoseok was saying. Well, he was, but he chose not to acknowledge it. He just stared back at that body of water that was twinkling because of the yellow sunlight that fell on it, fooling everyone into thinking it was pleasant. Hoseok could assure it was not. But when Jungkook turned his gaze back at Hoseok, he peeled his fucking pants off his body and simply shrugged. “I heard swimming in cold water is good for you. Endorphins and blood flow and stuff,” he offered as his last statement. 

Because after that, he took off. Jungkook, in just his underwear and a (luckily slightly big) T-shirt, started to walk over the damp, grey beach towards the shore, the wind making his hair blow in odd directions. About halfway on his journey, he looked over his shoulder, grinning like a child, and shouted, “Come on, Hoba-hyung! You gotta swim into that ice-cold water!” 

Hoseok couldn’t help but laugh at his shout. This was actually nuts; he couldn’t believe that Jungkook was actually going to swim in the East Sea on a cold day like this. But here he was, watching Jungkook do so from a safe distance. First, he saw Jungkook dip his toes into the shy waves near the beach, to which he responded with a squeal that turned into a giggle before he ran into the dry land again. When he turned around to look at Hoseok, he threw his head back laughing like a little kid until he turned around and tried again, and again, and again, backing out each time, laughing out loud as he did so. In the end, Hoseok could see him take a deep breath right before sprinting towards the dark blue sea, and this time, he actually dove in until he was in the water until his belly button. 

“Come here, hyung!” Jungkook shouted. “The temperature is actually not that bad,” he added. 

Liar, Hoseok thought in return. He could see Jungkook shivering even from where he was sitting. He couldn’t believe he was in love with this stupid idiot. 

But then, as he watched Jungkook jump around in the dark blue sea, breaking the pattern of the entrancing waves, Jungkook’s words repeated themselves in Hoseok’s head. You gotta swim into that ice-cold water. 

( teske - in bloei ) ( YT )

And perhaps Jungkook was right. Hoseok did have to swim into cold, uncharted waters. He needed to jump into ice-cold water with Jungkook - he needed to jump into this relationship with Jungkook, and with Nari, and fully commit. Because he wanted to. And it might be scary to jump into water this deep, this unknown, but he just needed to adjust to the temperature for a little bit. And as Jungkook had said, swimming in cold water was actually really good for you. 

Plus, Jungkook looked so happy like this; beautiful in the blue light, laughing, looking more youthful than Hoseok had ever seen him. Hoseok wanted to join the fun. 

So - not believing he was actually going to do this - Hoseok stood up from his blanket. He took off his jacket and his sweater, already shivering as he did so. He peeled off his shoes as well, keeping his long-sleeved orange T-shirt and his denim jeans on, even though it wouldn't help him battle the cold once he hit the water. After he took a deep breath, he planted his bare feet on the sand, and already regretted it; the sand was colder as stone. But, he pushed through anyway and started to walk toward Jungkook, who had now noticed that Hoseok was walking towards him and had started clapping encouragingly, looking like a wet puppy as he did so. 

As he continued to get closer to the shore, Jungkook kept cheering him on, assuring Hoseok that it was actually really nice to be in the water. Eventually, the two stood face to face, Jungkook still in the water till his knees and Hoseok on the dry beach, hesitant to jump in.

But then he looked up. His eyes met Jungkook’s and Hoseok’s heart somersaulted in his chest. Because Jungkook, Jungkook looked absolutely enchanting. His hair was wet, droplets dripping off the strands, the sunlight making it shine and twinkle, giving it a golden hue. There was a twinkle in his eyes too, matching with the glittering water drops, and it was there because Hoseok could tell that he was truly happy at this moment. Alive. Youthful. A smile that was so big that it might break. 

The sea, beach, and sky might be dark blue and grey on this cold day, but Jungkook wasn’t. He was blooming. 

Jungkook reached out and took Hoseok’s hand, silently encouraging Hoseok to go in, and Hoseok immediately surrendered. His gaze met Jungkook’s one last time, and with the way Jungkook was smiling at him, Hoseok was sure; they might both be swimming in cold water, but at least, they were swimming together. 

So he let Jungkook lead him into the unfamiliar, freezing water. Hoseok squealed as soon as his feet dipped in, and then again as his thighs hit the water, and then again when his belly button submerged. The water was cold but at the same time, it felt exhilarating. There was a point where the water suddenly got deeper, the sand disappearing underneath Hoseok’s feet, and the sudden difference in depth made Hoseok trip. He fell further into the water, literally until his chin. And instead of hating the fact that he was fully submerged now, Hoseok started laughing loudly and searched for Jungkook’s hand again, pulling on it once he found it, bringing Jungkook down with him. 

“Hyung!” Jungkook whine-squealed once his head appeared from underwater again. But Hoseok didn’t apologize, or respond at all, too busy laughing, clutching his stomach as he did so. That was, however, until Jungkook decided to take his revenge, and pushed a splash of water towards Hoseok, wetting Hoseok’s face and hair in return. 

In return, Hoseok stood up as he spat some of the salty water out of his mouth. “Brat!” he yelled as he tried to chase Jungkook, who was already swimming off in the distance. It was difficult, trying to move fast in the water that made his muscles shiver and with his feet sinking into the wet sand, but eventually, he managed, and found himself clinging onto Jungkook’s back. 

But when Jungkook turned around to face him, he had his hands up in the air. “I surrender,” he said. He was giggling, that mischievous glimmer still in his eyes. Hoseok didn’t believe him one bit, but he chose to not attack Jungkook anyway. Instead, he took a moment to catch his breath and look around. 

Busan looked absolutely gorgeous from here. It reminded Hoseok of Jungkook’s drawing. The watercolour one that they made on their first date. It still hung in Jungkook’s living room. But the beach looked different from this perspective, the sand looking less gloomy now that the sun was shining on it. And Hoseok could see the tall buildings behind it, together with the dormant trees. It was like a fantasy land, but better. 

“What are you thinking?” Jungkook asked him, tracing the droplets on Hoseok’s shoulders with his finger. 

“Nothing,” Hoseok responded as he turned around to face Jungkook again. He smiled, placed his arms on Jungkook’s shoulders, and added, “Just how glad I am you brought me here.”  

“Yeah?” Jungkook asked as he traced his hands from Hoseok’s shoulders to his lower back until they were below his buttocks.

And with the stupid grin that was back on his face, Hoseok already knew what was happening. “Koo,” Hoseok warned with a giggle. “Don’t!” 

But there was no point in fighting; Jungkook had already picked him up, holding Hoseok up above the sea and twirling him around in the air. “Jungkook!” Hoseok continued to squeal. He wrapped his arms and legs tightly around Jungkook, because he made an educated guess that Jungkook might just throw him back into the water once he was done spinning him around. “Don’t you dare drop me!” Hoseok warned him again, still laughing out loud. “I swear to god, Jungkook!”

But when Jungkook stopped twirling them around, he just continued to hold onto Hoseok as he flashed Hoseok one of his pretty smiles. “Don’t worry, hyung,” he said, eyes twinkling, as he shifted Hoseok in his hold, making it that Hoseok was suddenly pressed closer against Jungkook’s body. “I won’t drop you,” he whispered into Hoseok’s mouth. 

Then, after Hoseok let out his final giggle, he closed the distance between them and attached his slightly numb, cold lips with Jungkook’s. It took him about two seconds before he was already smiling into the kiss, but he didn’t stop kissing Jungkook because of it, instead only attaching his lips to Jungkook again and again, feeling the kiss heat up his body a little more every time. 

Just two people, hopelessly in love. In ice-cold water, but still swimming. 

***

(“You taste like salt,” Hoseok said in between kisses. He pressed the button of the elevator to the right floor and attached his lips to Jungkook’s again once the doors closed. 

“So do you,” Jungkook responded as he placed a kiss against Hoseok’s jawline and pressed his back against one of the four walls. “And your lips are numb because of the cold, so deal with it.” 

Chuckling, Hoseok’s lips found Jungkook’s again, kissing him for a while, before he broke apart and whispered, “I can’t believe you dragged me in the water.”

“I’m happy I did,” Jungkook responded, smiling, peppering the skin of Hoseok’s cheeks with kisses. Hoseok could feel the wet strands of hair against his neck as Jungkook did so. 

“So am I,” he answered.) 

***

The rest of their weekend in Busan flew by faster than Hoseok could blink. After they’d spent their afternoon in the freezing sea, Hoseok had to eventually stop kissing Jungkook and drag him out of the water, afraid that otherwise, they would end up like Jack and Rose. Together, they’d walked back to their hotel like soaked, lovesick puppies, Hoseok’s pants dripping on the asphalt road and Jungkook’s T-shirt clinging to his wet chest. They divided their attention between the sun that was starting to set behind them and each other, sharing kisses and touches and giggles until they arrived at the hotel and the sun wasn’t visible anymore, so they could keep their gazes and lips on each other without a single distraction. 

They’d warmed each other up and then cleaned themselves afterwards with a shower before passing out on the bed, spending the rest of their afternoon eating cheap bulgogi pizza in bed and laughing at the bad jokes made on the variety shows playing on the television that came with their hotel room. 

The next day was their last in Busan, and although the weather was even cloudier and chillier than the day before, Jungkook was persistent to take Hoseok on a tour. Clad in (dry) warm hoodies, they took the bus to the suburbs, and Jungkook showed Hoseok all of his favourite places from his childhood. Hand in hand, they went to Jungkook’s old high school and the computer café that he used to frequent, as well as the place where he had his first heartbreak (it was in front of a convenience store, where Jungkook had apparently seen the love of his life kiss someone else. He had cried about it for two solid afternoons before his then-best friend offered him free tteokbokki and everything was okay again.)

Just as Jungkook was about to take them to the park where he first started working out, rain started to pour out of the sky and Hoseok and Jungkook had to seek shelter in this tiny café run by an old, sweet lady. They got fed with hot coffees and fresh egg tarts as they waited for the weather to clear up, spending a solid thirty minutes facetiming Nari and using the rest of their time to sort through all the pictures they’d taken off each other. 

The lady was sweet and let them stay for as long as they liked, plus, she didn’t seem to mind that Hoseok and Jungkook were being quite clingy. Because they were. Being in Busan… it seemed to have done something with the atmosphere around them. It was like they were back to when they just started dating, with Hoseok getting flustered at all of Jungkook’s compliments and Jungkook clinging his body to Hoseok’s to seek comfort and warmth. 

“How do you feel being back here? You know, where you grew up?” Hoseok asked, on his third cup of coffee, the sound of the rain ticking on the windows their background music, feeling the weight of Jungkook’s head on his shoulder as they looked at pictures of the rusty building that was once Jungkook’s high school. 

“To be honest? Kind of weird,” Jungkook answered. “I’m so different from the boy that grew up here.” He looked at the picture of his high school, and then at his own phone, where a picture of Nari filled his lock screen. He shifted his attention to Hoseok and smiled before he said, “But I like to think that that awkward and shy boy is proud of me now.”

Hoseok didn’t know the awkward and shy boy that Jungkook once was, but he did know the Jungkook that was sitting in front of him. And Jungkook should be proud, so Hoseok placed a soft kiss on his cheek, noticing how the weather was starting to clear up when he pulled away. 

Eventually - after a wonderful weekend - Hoseok and Jungkook had to go back to Seoul. With ease, they rolled back into their daily lives again. The magic of the salty Busan air was gone, but the intensified sparkle between Hoseok and Jungkook wasn’t. They were different. Better. Still a little giddy and lovesick. But most of all, Hoseok felt more confident. Not only about himself, or about his feelings, but also about the potential that he and Jungkook had in the future. He was making an effort to spend more time with Nari; to understand her better, to figure out their dynamics, to get more experience in handling her. 

Which led him here: 

Sitting in Jungkook’s apartment, room dark, a crying Nari on his lap. Jungkook was nowhere in sight and Hoseok had no clue about what to do. 

(He wished he was kidding, but, yeah. no, that was really the deal right now.)

Hoseok was watching Nari. He’d put her to bed, all by himself, for the first time tonight. Jungkook had this dinner with Yoongi and a potential business partner for Sit Up all the way in Gangnam. In the first instance, Jungkook wasn’t going to go. He told Hoseok that he had Nari that day and that the babysitter wasn’t going to make it so that he should just cancel. 

But Hoseok didn’t agree. This could potentially be huge for Yoongi and his gym, so Jungkook should go. Like so, he offered to look after Nari. He had watched Jungkook put her to bed a couple of times now and Hoseok had been finding his way with Nari alone as well; he took her to the movies, baked cookies together, and brought her to the park to play. They even had that conversation with Yongsun and Namjoon. The one about Hoseok and his place here. 

So Hoseok said that he was up to it. He could watch Nari. If Jungkook just walked him through it step by step one more time, Hoseok was sure they were going to be fine. 

And they were! They had been doing fine. Hoseok brushed Nari’s teeth and helped her change, even put her hair in tiny little messy braids (he only remembered so much from having a sister). And although Hoseok had to search the entire apartment when Nari asked for her favourite pyjamas, he still managed to find them. Afterwards, he read Nari her bedtime story that used to be Hoseok’s favourite and he sang her to sleep. 

So things had been going relatively troubleless.

Until Nari started crying about ten, fifteen minutes ago. 

She had a nightmare.

Hoseok had heard Nari call his name from her bedroom and when Hoseok came in, he found Nari curled up in her bed, crying, cheeks wet with tears. 

It was a known fact that Nari had nightmares. There had been more than a few occasions where Hoseok slept over and Jungkook had to leave the warmth of the bed to go to a crying Nari. But, normally, Jungkook came back fifteen minutes later. And when Jungkook had mentioned it during his crash course ‘putting Nari to bed’, he said that it was no big deal. That Hoseok just had to reassure Nari, give her her favourite stuffed animal, cuddle with her and sing her back to sleep. 

Hoseok tried that. He had been trying that for the past ten minutes and it still wasn’t helping. It must’ve been a really bad dream. Or Hoseok just sucked at comforting children. 

“Nari, hey, stop crying. It’s okay. You’re safe here,” Hoseok reassured. He had eventually let Nari climb into his lap and he was now petting her hair. “It was just a bad dream. Do you want to tell Hoba-oppa about your bad dream?”

“No,” Nari murmured against the fabric of Hoseok’s Balenciaga sweater that he’d stolen from Jungkook’s closet. 

“No?”

“No,” Nari repeated. 

Hoseok let out a slightly stressed sigh and continued to mindlessly pet Nari’s hair. “Okay,” he settled on saying. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

Jungkook had told Hoseok that if Nari had a nightmare, the most important thing was to comfort her. To tell her that she was safe and that whatever she dreamt about wasn’t real. But the thing was, for some reason, Nari wouldn’t tell him. 

Maybe she didn’t remember. Maybe it was too scary to relive. Perhaps she didn’t trust Hoseok enough. 

It didn’t matter. Because Hoseok felt awful. Nari was clinging to his hoodie like a lifeline, dirtying the fabric with her tears and snot. Hoseok’s heart was clenching in his chest. He had been singing and shushing and petting but silent tears were still coming out of Nari’s eyes and she still wasn’t talking. It felt like shit, seeing a little girl this distressed and failing to do anything about it.

“What do you need?” Hoseok asked. He was running out of ideas, so maybe Nari could just tell him what to do. “Is there anything oppa can do for you? Do you want some water? Do you want me to read you another happy story? Do you want to stare at the city lights from the window in the living room for a while?” he tried. 

But Nari kept shaking her head. “Stay here,” she just said as she continued to hug Hoseok. 

Hoseok raked a hand through his hair, pulling lightly on the roots as he did so. He was starting to worry. He didn’t know what to do and Nari wouldn’t relax or go back to sleep. Hoseok was probably just doing a poor job at calming down, and maybe he bit off more than he could chew by thinking that he could. 

He thought he could do this, but maybe he couldn’t. He wasn’t Nari’s dad. And Nari seemed to need her dad. So, he was calling Jungkook. Just to ask him what to do. 

Shifting Nari from his lap to the mattress, Hoseok reached out for his pocket and speed-dialled Jungkook’s number. The phone rang twice before Jungkook’s voice could be heard over a noisy background. 

“Hey, hyung, is everything okay?” 

Hoseok let out a relieved breath at the sound of Jungkook’s voice. “Hey, Koo, baby,” he greeted. “Nari had a nightmare. It’s been, like, fifteen minutes and I tried to get her to calm down but it’s not working. She doesn’t want me to leave and she seems really scared,” he explained. He looked over at Nari, who was sitting on the bed with a pillow clinging in one hand and Hoseok’s arm in the other. Her cheeks were wet and red, and Hoseok felt that sting in his chest again, so he let out a defeated sigh and admitted, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Hyung, you need to reassure her. Tell her that whatever she dreamt about wasn’t real,” Jungkook answered. Hoseok could hear rustling in the background as if he was moving to a quieter space. 

“I tried,” Hoseok responded. He rested his palm on Nari’s forehead, which was warm and sweaty but not fever-like, and watched how Nari rolled over and clung to Hoseok’s body. “She won’t tell me what the dream was about, though. She just said that it was very scary and very real.” He readjusted his position on the bed, just so that he could let Nari cling to her a little better, and added, “I’m sorry. I tried. But she seems really scared and I don’t want to upset her further by asking her about it.”

It was silent for a while on the other side of the phone, and Hoseok could hear a door open and close in the distance. “Okay,” Hoseok heard Jungkook eventually say, and he immediately noticed that his voice sounded jittery. “That’s fine. Her dreams can be really vivid. It’s fine,” he rambled. “You did well. Hobi-hyung, you’re doing great, okay? I’ll just- I’ll come home, okay? I’ll just tell Yoongi that I have to leave.”

Upon hearing Jungkook’s response, Hoseok looked at Nari. She wasn’t crying anymore. She still seemed upset, scared, clingy, but at least the tears had stopped from falling. He shifted his attention to the alarm clock on Nari’s bedside table and then towards the mirror opposite of them, where he could see the reflection of himself and Nari in the barely lit bedroom. 

“You don’t have to leave,” Hoseok eventually said. “I mean, you can if you want to. But, it’s just a nightmare. You said so yourself.” He didn’t want to make Jungkook run out of this dinner just because Hoseok didn’t know how to handle the situation. “Besides, you’re on the other side of town, It’ll take too long until you get home.” He reached for Nari again, settled her back on his lap, and proposed, “Just… talk to her? I hope your voice and you talking to her will calm her down.”

“Okay,” Jungkook responded. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Hand her the phone. Put it on the speaker.”

Hoseok did what he was told. He nudged Nari, who seemed so out of it that she didn’t even realize Hoseok had been on the phone with her dad, and whispered, “Hey, Nari. I have your appa on the phone. Do you want to talk to him?”

When Nari nodded, Hoseok switched the phone to speaker mode and handed Nari the little device.

“Nari, peanut, darling. It’s appa,” Jungkook said, his voice much more gentle than it did when he had been talking to Hoseok. “What’s going on? Hoba-oppa told me you had a bad dream.”

Clinging the phone tightly in her tiny fist, Nari called, “Appa?” Her voice was so soft that it was barely audible. “Are you okay?’

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Jungkook responded. His voice was calm, but Hoseok could decipher the worry in it. “I’m okay. I’m having dinner with Yoongi-hyung.”

When Hoseok noticed that Nari visibly relaxed a bit at her dad’s response, he held her a bit closer and asked tentatively, “Nari, did something happen to Jungkook in your dream?”

At the question, Nari looked up, met Hoseok’s gaze, and nodded her head. Hoseok could see the tears starting to form in her eyes again. The first one fell as she nodded her head once more, and then, she buried herself back into Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok felt his heart break a little and whispered, “Hey, ssst. It’s okay. Jungkook is okay. Here’s right here on the phone.”

Jungkook seemed to have caught their conversation because he started reassuring Nari through the phone. “Oh, peanut. That must’ve been an awful dream. But it was all fake, okay? Look, I’m right here with you. Just a phone call away.” Nari pulled away from Hoseok’s hold a bit and looked at the phone in her hand when Jungkook asked, “Do you want to tell me what happened in your dream? Sometimes it’s better to talk about it.”

Nari looked at Hoseok and then back at the phone again before she nodded. She’d stopped crying again, Jungkook being here over the phone seemingly helping, and thank god, she was willing to talk now. “Okay,” she said. “It was really scary, appa. We- I was in a car with you and Hoba-oppa and… and… we were just driving but then we hit a tree and we crashed,” she explained, tears escaping her eyes again as she did so. 

“Oh baby,” Jungkook soothed. “Oh baby, that’s so scary. But it was all just a dream. Just a very bad dream. Hoseok is right there. And I’m fine too! I’m in a restaurant, but I’m fine.” Hoseok nodded his head to back up Jungkook’s statement and even flexed his arms to show Nari that he was healthy and try to get a laugh out of her. “And you know what the best thing is?” Jungkook continued. “I don’t even have to drive home. I took the subway today. So I’ll be completely safe on the way home. And then, when I come back, I’ll be right there with you and Hoba.”

“Really?” Nari asked a little hesitantly, but Hoseok could see in her eyes that she was starting to believe what Jungkook was saying. That she was starting to calm down. 

“Really,” Jungkook said from the other side of the phone. 

Nari turned to Hoseok, and in response, Hoseok nodded his head. “Really,” he promised. 

That seemed to do it. Nari climbed off Hoseok’s lab, the smartphone still in one hand and a stuffed animal in the other, and sat on the bed again. “Okay,” she said. 

“Do you want me to come home?” Jungkook asked. 

She seemed to have to think about that for a moment, but after a second, Nari nodded her head. And obviously, Jungkook couldn’t see her answer through the phone, so Hoseok squeezed Nari’s knee and translated, “She just nodded her head.” Hoseok knew he thought he could handle the rest alone, but if Nari wanted Jungkook here, Nari was going to get Jungkook here. 

“Okay,” Jungkook responded. “Okay, I’ll leave. Dinner was almost finished anyway. Yoongi can handle the rest alone.” The message was directed to Hoseok, because Jungkook switched tones when he started talking to Nari again, “Peanut, I’ll come home, okay?” he said. “But I’m on the other side of town, so it might take a while before I get there. Don’t wait for me. You should try to fall back asleep before that.” He paused for a bit, and Hoseok could hear a door open and close, before he added, “Hoseok will take good care of you.”

Nodding her head again, Nari responded with, “Okay, appa. I feel better now.”

Hoseok felt a wave of relief wash over him. Thank god. He reached out for Nari, tucked some of her loosened braids behind her ear, and smiled. 

“Good,” Jungkook said through the phone. Hoseok could hear in his voice that he was smiling as well. “Then I’m going to hang up, okay? If there is anything you two need, you can just call me. My sound is on.” When he didn’t hear any protest coming from Hoseok’s and Nari’s end of the line, he added, “Nari, I love you!”

“I love you too, appa.”

Smiling at the exchange, Hoseok took the phone back from Nari and turned the speakerphone off. He held the device up to his ear, started to fumble with a dry piece of his sweater paws and said softly, “Thank you, Koo. I’m sorry for disturbing you, but I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jungkook responded, his voice sounding all kinds of soft. Hoseok was glad that all of them had calmed down a bit now. “You did great, hyung. You have no idea how many trials and errors it took me to find a proper way to calm her down.”

Upon hearing that, Hoseok felt a little better. He watched himself in the reflection of the mirror again, looking a bit tired but nothing compared to Nari next to him, and said, “Okay. If you say so.”

“I do,” Jungkook responded. “I think you’re really cool, hyung.”

That made Hoseok laugh. What was it with Jungkook and always calling him cool at the most random of times? “Okay,” he giggled in response, feeling much lighter all of a sudden. He raked a hand over Nari’s hair and added, “Go catch your train. I have a little girl here that needs to go back to sleep.”

Jungkook let out a giggle as well before his voice turned gentle and he almost whispered, “Bye, Hobi-hyung.”

Hoseok, not being able to fight the love-sick smile on his face, whispered back a “Bye,” in an equally soft, fond voice. Then, he faced his screen, ended the call, and focused his attention on Nari instead. 

She was still holding Hoseok. Not full-on clinging anymore as she did earlier, but one of her hands was still clutching the fabric of Hoseok’s sweatpants. And as Hoseok continued to pet her hair, he noticed that his heart was beating in his chest. Coming into Nari’s room upon hearing her call Hoseok’s name, finding her crying and upset and distressed, it- It was a terrible thing to see. His heart physically hurt at the sight. He didn’t know how Jungkook did it. How he handled all of this so well, day in, day out. Hoseok knew that parenting was hard, but he didn’t know it was this hard; emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

Fortunately, Nari did seem better. She wasn’t crying anymore, and she felt a little less hot, and she looked more relaxed overall. Hoseok shifted on the bed so that he could face Nari and reached out to dry the dried-up tears off Nari’s cheek with the sweater paws of his hoodie. “Do you feel better now that you’ve talked to Jungkook?” Hoseok asked quietly once he finished. 

In response, Nari nodded her head, which earned a relieved smile from Hoseok. 

“Are you okay with going back to sleep now?”

Nari nodded again, but it was not that convincing this time, and Hoseok could see some fear bubble up in her eyes. 

So, Hoseok asked, “Do you want to sleep in the big bed with me?” 

A third nod. Opposite from last time, she looked a lot more sure of herself. 

It earned a chuckle from Hoseok. “Okay, then,” he said. He reached out for Nari and carried her in his arms, navigating the two of them until they reached Jungkook’s bedroom. Hoseok planted Nari on the big bed, in the middle, going back and forth between her room to grab her pillow and stuffed animal as well. Once he got everything, he made sure to tug Nari in, glad to see her eyes already falling close.

As Hoseok settled into the bed as well - immediately being used as a human pillow by Nari that curled up to him - he sighed. That was… scary. Seeing Nari like that. Not only because he didn’t know what to do and how to calm her down, but also because of… how awful it made him feel. How it made his heart ache in his chest. 

And, as Hoseok turned off the bedside lamp and pulled Nari a little closer to him, he thought about what that meant. But he already knew. This damn little girl had not only crawled into his arms but into his heart as well. Hoseok cared. Hoseok cared a lot. 

Hoseok cared so much that all he ever wanted was for Jungkook to come home and to never leave the safe haven that was this bedroom again. 

He never wanted to leave.

(Jungkook was exhausted when he came home. It had taken him three awfully long (and crowded) subway rides as well as a bumpy bus ride to finally reach his apartment. And the entire time, his mind was occupied by Hoseok and Nari. 

He knew they were doing fine; Hoseok hadn’t called again and he knew he would if something was wrong. They must be asleep by now. Besides, he trusted Hoseok. He knew Nari would be fine after she calmed down. She had nightmares frequently, and she normally slept straight through the night after she’d been put to bed again. 

But Jungkook just couldn’t help it; Nari seemed particularly distressed about this bad dream and Hoseok seemed so worried about not being able to calm her down. It was his dad-boyfriend-instincts that were kicking in. So Jungkook just…

He kicked off his boots and took off his leather jacket right after he opened the front door of his apartment.

The apartment was dark, all the lights switched off, which meant that Nari and Hoseok must be asleep by now. They should be; it was late, and Jungkook knew that Nari was going to be extremely tired tomorrow if she didn’t get some sleep tonight. He walked through the hallway, using his lit-up phone screen as a guide, and stopped at Nari’s bedroom door. 

When he opened the door - ready to sneak in some secret cuddles - he noticed that it was empty. For a second, he felt his heart jump in his chest. He headed towards the living room, but the couch was empty as well, and then headed towards his own bedroom, one minute away from freaking out.

But he didn’t need to. 

He opened the door of his bedroom, and as soon as he peeked inside, he let out a breath that he didn’t even know he had been holding and felt his heart double in size. 

There, in Jungkook’s queen-sized bed, laid Hoseok and Nari. His daughter and his boyfriend cuddled up together like they were one, fast asleep underneath a chaos of blankets.

Jungkook felt the oh-so-familiar sensation of his heart somersaulting and let the corners of his mouth curl up into a smile. 

He went to Nari first. She laid in the middle of the bed as if she’d been saving a spot for Jungkook. Spooned by Hoseok, her cheek rested on the pillow that Hoseok must’ve brought from her own bedroom and her arms were wrapped tightly around her favourite stuffed animal. 

As Jungkook swept some escaped hairs off her forehead, he noticed that there was not a single sign of distress left; no frown, no tossing and turning, no sweaty forehead. She was sleeping like a rose. 

Another breath of relief escaped past Jungkook’s lips. She was fine. She was completely, totally fine. 

He kneeled, just to watch her sleep for a moment or two, and smiled before he kissed a spot on her forehead. Sometimes Jungkook thought he loved his little girl so much that he must be going insane. He knew Nari was going to think Jungkook was annoying for that when she got older, but Jungkook just couldn’t help himself.

Getting up from his squat, Jungkook went to the other side of the bed, where Hoseok was laying. He seemed to be in a deep sleep as well. And Jungkook… he thought his boyfriend looked beautiful like this; eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, skin glowing from the skincare products, at peace. 

He kissed him on the forehead. Normally, Jungkook would wake him up to tell Hoseok that he was home. So that they could talk about tonight. But Jungkook didn’t want to disturb him. He must be tired and they could talk about this tomorrow. 

And Jungkook was tired as well and in desperate need of some sleep. He should get ready for bed. Though not before pecking Hoseok’s forehead one more time. He just had to; he was proud of Hoseok. Not only for tonight, but for the last couple of weeks.

Jungkook sometimes couldn’t believe how lucky he was - his boyfriend was so amazing. Jungkook was dating someone willing to put his daughter to bed at night and calmed her down after having a nightmare, cuddling her to sleep afterwards. He was dating someone courageous and passionate but not fearless. He was dating someone beautiful, inside and out, making every moment Jungkook spent with him better than the last. 

He was dating someone he was so goddamn in love with. 

Jungkook looked at Hoseok one more time, who was holding Nari so tightly and felt his heart get all warm and fuzzy. He kissed the crown of Hoseok’s head, and then Nari’s head, and then took off, getting ready to crawl into the cosy-looking bed with them.)

Based on the sound of birds chirping, today was going to be a good day. That, together with the shy morning sun, was a tell-tale sign of spring just being within a couple of months reach. It was still a little early, and it would be a while until they got to enjoy days filled with sunshine, but they were starting to get there. 

Hoseok could tell because he just went to the café down the block. Dressed in an oversized T-shirt that he’d stolen from Jungkook’s closet, some black pants that were lying around, and his leather black jacket, he’d sneaked out of the still-asleep apartment to get them some breakfast. Now his paper tray was loaded with two Americanos and a bunch of freshly made pastries. He figured they all deserved it after the night they’d had. 

Thank god Nari didn’t wake up again after her bad dream. She had slept straight through the rest of the night, and Hoseok must’ve done the same thing because he hadn’t even heard Jungkook come home. He just found him on the other side of the bed when he woke up this morning, fast asleep, slightly snoring, his pink lips in a cute pout. 

Humming the melody of the song Hoseok had heard in the café, Hoseok opened the door of Jungkook’s apartment with the key he had been given. Balancing their breakfast on the little stool in the hallway, Hoseok got rid of his shoes and jacket, before he picked the tray up again and headed towards the kitchen. There, he found Jungkook, seemingly awake now, dressed in a baby blue sweatsuit with his white T-shirt peeking out underneath. 

When Hoseok entered the room, Jungkook looked up from whatever social media app he had been scrolling through. “There you are,” he said. 

“Hey,” Hoseok said as he walked towards Jungkook. He pecked him on the cheek and flashed him a smile before he commented. “You’re awake.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook matched Hoseok’s smile. Then, he used his head to nudge towards the hallway and said, “Nari is still asleep. I’ll wake her up in a moment but I figured she could use the extra thirty minutes of sleep.”

Hoseok leaned his back against the kitchen counter and followed Jungkook’s gaze towards Nari’s bedroom. “How is she doing?” 

“We’ll see,” Jungkook answered since Nari was still asleep. “She might be a little tired and shaken up today because of her bad dream, but she should be fine.”

“About that,” Hoseok started. He placed the coffees and the pastries on the kitchen counter and used his now-free hand to scratch the skin on his neck. “I’m sorry I had you come home early last night.”

Jungkook reached forward and pulled Hoseok’s hand from his neck. He wrapped his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist, holding it gently. “It’s fine.” There was a soft, reassuring smile on his face. “Trust me.”

Loving the little gentle waves of warmth that travelled through Hoseok’s arms thanks to Jungkook’s touch, Hoseok responded with, “I know I said I could handle it. You know, putting Nari to bed. But I don’t know, maybe it was too soon. I felt so helpless not being able to calm her down.”

Jungkook shook his head in protest. “Babe, you did well. She had a nightmare. That happens. You can’t stop her from having one.” He shifted his hand on Hoseok’s wrist, now letting his fingers play with the beads of Hoseok’s bracelet, and said, “You did the right thing by calling me.” A smile flashed in Hoseok’s direction. A soft one, perhaps one that was a little proud. “You would’ve done perfectly if Nari had slept like she usually does.”

Perfect was a strong word, but Hoseok guessed that he had been doing pretty well before Nari woke up crying. And he would be silly to think that he was going to nail everything on the first try. He’d done his best, no one got hurt, and now he knew what to do when Nari had a nightmare (call Jungkook). 

“Okay,” Hoseok said with a smile. He moved his fingers until he could intertwine them with Jungkook’s. “We did have a fun time reading bedtime stories.”

“Good,” Jungkook responded with a smile that was all kinds of fond. 

Hoseok flashed Jungkook one last smile before he shifted his attention to the paper bag and coffees on the kitchen counter. “I bought us some breakfast, by the way,” he said. “Figured we all deserve it after last night.” 

Upon noticing the brand on the coffees, Jungkook moaned, “Oh my god. You got them from that good café nearby.” 

“Hmm!” Hoseok responded as he took the coffees out of the carton tray. “Got us two iced Americanos and some pastries.” He slid one of the coffees towards Jungkook and added, “Oh! They had these really cute cookies. I couldn’t help but buy a few. I thought you could give Nari one as her afternoon snack.” He grabbed the paper bag and roamed through it until he found the carefully wrapped bag filled with sesame seed cookies in the shape of puppies. He handed them to Jungkook with a satisfied smile. 

Jungkook took the plastic bag in his hand and cooed, “Cute. She’ll love that.” Then - curious and a little impatient - he took the paper bag from Hoseok’s hands and started to rummage through it for himself. “What did you get me?” he asked. 

“Uh, an egg bread and some honey butter toast,” Hoseok answered at the exact same time as Jungkook grabbed a wrapped up egg bread from the bag. 

And for some reason (Jungkook must be very hungry), Jungkook beamed at the sight of it. “Oh my god,” he said, eyes twinkling, a broad smile on his face. “I can’t believe my boyfriend got me my favourite order after watching my daughter. Their egg bread is the best in town. How did you know?” he asked as he walked towards Hoseok to stand in between his legs, the pastry still in his hands. 

Hoseok laughed fondly at Jungkook’s enthusiasm. He looked pretty like this, in his soft blue outfit and with his hair fluffy on top of his head. Young. The apartment was beautifully lit by the morning sun, rays dancing over the hardwood floor in Jungkook’s living room. It gave Jungkook this hue, this really pretty and warm hue, and Hoseok had no idea why Jungkook was so enthusiastic about Hoseok buying him some breakfast, but he liked the look of it. 

“Wild guess,” Hoseok confessed honestly, eyes fixated on Jungkook’s delighted smile. 

At the response, Jungkook just giggled and laughed some more, thinking to himself how Of course, Hoseok would pick his favourite pastry. That was just so… Hobi. “God, I love you,” he giggled as he pecked Hoseok’s cheek - still standing in between Hoseok’s legs, still amazed, still holding his egg bread in his hand, still giggling and smiling, still looking so damn soft in that outfit. 

But as his lips detached from Hoseok’s cheek, they both froze. Jungkook slowly pulled away to look at Hoseok’s face. As their eyes met, everything fell silent. Like everything just stopped. The cars that could normally always be heard in the distance, the noise from the neighbours, even the soft buzzing coming from the fridge.  

Jungkook’s eyes were wide. His already big eyes were opened up so much that he kind of looked like a goldfish. The tips of his ears were red. His cheeks were pink, maybe because he just woke up, probably because of what he had just said. He was holding the egg bread tightly with his hands, so much that it might be a little squished now, and Hoseok could see that Jungkook’s legs were three seconds away from bouncing anxiously. 

Hoseok also knew for a fact that he looked no better. Was pretty sure that his neck was bright red and his eyes were widened.

One more second of silence, two more seconds, three…

Jungkook’s leg did the bouncy thing. His mouth opened, closed again like he was unable to phrase words. It made him look even more like a goldfish. 

Hoseok watched those pretty pink lips. The mole underneath it. Heard the words come out of it earlier echo in his mind. The excited and happy voice that had said them. He was uncertain if he’d heard them correctly. If his mind was betraying him, or if it was just a spur-of-the-moment exclamation, one that Jungkook didn’t actually mean. 

“What did you just say?”

( forever - rei brown ) ( YT )

The silence broke. 

Hoseok felt his heart start to beat again. Not slowly, like it would after a cardiac arrest or something like that. But rapidly, wildly, pumping blood through his veins and leaving a warm and funny feeling all over his body, like the blood had fuzzy candy mixed through it. But there was something else mixed through it too, something sweet, something sticky like honey, something succulent like the juice from a ripe grapefruit. 

Jungkook looked at Hoseok - still, but now he was looking at him like he was actually registering things again. Like he could function and form words - and seemed to hesitate for a moment. Just a small moment, barely there, the shaking of his leg quickening during it. But then he placed his leg firmly on the floor and something flicked inside his eyes, showing determination, almost giving Hoseok that fuck it kinda feel. 

Fuck it, indeed went through Jungkook’s head. Goddamnit, it’s finally time to say it out loud, too. He dropped the egg bread on the counter and allowed his lips to smile, the corners curling up. He stepped a little closer in between Hoseok’s legs, just so that they were close and bit his lip before he said, “I said I love you.”

The sticky sweet fuzzy juice spread all the way to Hoseok’s mouth and made it blossom in a smile. It was a shy smile. He was still very much surprised and a little shocked at the sudden random confession (over a pastry?). But it was a smile nonetheless because his heart was doing summersaults, and Jungkook’s smile was so pretty, and he kind of felt really amazing right now. 

“You do?” Hoseok whispered, quietly, mind still trying to catch up with reality.

Jungkook let out something between a giggle and a chuckle and an awkward squeal and finally let his hands touch Hoseok. They ended up on his neck and shoulders, fingers playing with the collar of Hoseok’s T-shirt. He let out another cute giggly sound thingy, eyes fucking sparkling behind his messy bangs, and answered with, “I do.” He paused, looking so pretty in his soft outfit with his soft hair and his soft eyes and repeated in a dreamy voice, “I really fucking do.” He wrapped his arms fully around Hoseok’s neck now, standing closer in between his legs, and confessed, “I love you, Jung Hoseok.”

And Hoseok was still a little dazed and confused but not in a bad way. Definitely not in a bad way. More in a ‘is this really real?’-way. But he accepted Jungkook’s confession (gladly, thank you very much) and he accepted his touch too, placing two hands on Jungkook’s waist, watching the baby blue fabric dip. He then looked at Jungkook’s sparkling eyes again, feeling as if his heart was too big for the cage that was his ribs, and whispered back, “I love you too.”

Jungkook came closer - closer even closer - until their noses were almost touching. Hoseok could feel tiny puffs of breath against his own lips. Could feel the heat radiating from Jungkook's body. It was so warm. “Yeah?” Jungkook whispered back, sounding so stupidly and hopelessly in love.

Hoseok let a giggle escape past his lips, feeling a bit silly. But he nodded his head ever so slightly, feeling Jungkook’s hair move against his forehead. “Yeah.”

That was enough for Jungkook to close the distance. For their lips to finally meet. And the kiss was not passionate or desperate or anything wild. It was just like any other kiss. But it was sweet. Sticky-grapefruit-juice-sweet. Luscious and delicate. Slightly new, with the confession fresh out of their way, but good. Still so very familiar and good. Jungkook tasted like chapstick like he always did when they kissed and Jungkook thought to himself how Hoseok smelled so deliciously Hobi-like. How Jungkook loved that smell. 

Jungkook lightly bit Hoseok’s bottom lip and Hoseok giggled because it tickled a little bit, and he still felt so giddy. Jungkook giggled too, so they were both giggling when they attached their lips again because that’s what they did. Hoseok’s thumbs made circles in the fabric around Jungkook’s waist and in turn, Jungkook’s tattooed, ring-clad fingers played with the few short strands of Hoseok’s undercut. All while Jungkook’s soft pink lips kept kissing Hoseok’s heart-shaped ones, and… god. 

God, this was amazing. 

And then… Nari came in. Sweet little Nari. She must’ve woken up and gotten out of Jungkook’s bed herself, too impatient. Totally undisturbed at Jungkook’s and Hoseok’s display of affection, she wiggled her way in between them. She tugged on the blue fabric of Jungkook’s sweatpants to grab her dad’s attention. It worked, because Jungkook broke their kiss with a slightly out of breath chuckle and rested his head on Hoseok’s shoulder as he looked at Nari. 

“Good morning,” Nari said, her voice soft and barely awake. “I’m awake.”

Moving in sync, smiles formed on Jungkook and Hoseok’s faces. Jungkook detached himself from Hoseok only to wrap his arms around Nari instead, lifting her body until she was sitting on Jungkook’s hip. “Good morning, peanut,” he responded to Nari. “How did you sleep?”

“I had a nightmare,” Nari stated. 

Jungkook used his hand to tame some of Nari’s messy bed hair and answered, “I heard. Hoba-hyung told me.” He flashed Hoseok a smile, a shy one, like the two of them had a secret. Then, he turned his attention back to Nari again. “How do you feel?”

Nari seemed to have to think about her answer for a moment, which she did with a cute pout on her lips. Then, “I was really scared. But I know it wasn’t real. I’m okay now.”

“Good.” 

“You slept well afterwards, didn’t you?” Hoseok asked. As he watched Nari nod, he gently squeezed her shoulder. He looked at her tired and puffy face for a moment before he got reminded of the pastries lying on the counter and said, “I brought us breakfast, why don’t you and Jungkook set the table?” thinking that the father and daughter would like a little moment to themselves. 

“Shall we?” Jungkook responded. He sat Nari back down on the ground and intertwined their fingers, but not before he placed one last kiss on Hoseok’s cheek and whispered a soft I love you in his ear. 

Hoseok watched how the two of them headed towards the kitchen table. He looked at the counter, where the food was sprawled out, thinking to himself how he should probably gather it and follow them. But he didn’t, not yet. 

He stared at the wall instead, just for a moment or two, the smile on his face stubborn and not willing to leave. He felt a little detached still, like he was floating, but not in the way you got when you were stressed and exhausted. The good kind of floating, on water that was cold that was now heated by warm rays of sunshine, drifting away to paradise.

That cold water had been worth jumping into. 

***

(Later that afternoon, they were on the couch. Nari was down for a nap, and an episode of Friends played on the tv, the one where Ross and Rachel finally confessed their feelings for each other. 

Jungkook was lying with his back against the pillows and Hoseok was lying in between his legs, watching the screen with a smile on his face, his head resting against Jungkook’s puff chest, the room smelling like mint tea and Jungkook’s fabric softener. Jungkook’s arms were wrapped around him, his sleeves rolled up and Hoseok was tracing the black ink on them with his fingertips, his touch feather-light. 

The room was beautifully lit still, with shy rays of sunshine dancing on Jungkook’s white rug, bouncing off some of Nari’s toys. A yellow blanket was wrapped around them because the apartment was chilly. Hoseok was warm though, here in Jungkook’s hold, laughing when Rachel failed to open all the locks in the show. 

Jungkook and Hoseok watched together how the locks opened eventually, and then the kiss, romantic and moving despite the sitcom setting. 

“I can’t believe I finally told you I loved you,” Jungkook said, his voice coming from above Hoseok, quiet and silent, barely audible above the sound of the television.

Hoseok felt the corners of his mouth curl at the whispers in his ear. He was smiling wide, not being able to help it, because Jungkook had. He traced his fingers down on Jungkook’s arm until they were on his hand, which he squeezed before he turned his head, facing Jungkook. “Finally, huh?” he asked, teasing a bit. 

Jungkook matched Hoseok’s smile, though his was soft, a little shy even. “Yeah,” he said. He kissed Hoseok on the side of his head, just because he could, and wrapped Hoseok a little tighter in his arms before he confessed, “I’ve known for a while. Felt it for longer, I think. But I didn’t feel like it was the right time yet.” 

A chuckle escaped past Hoseok’s lips. He shifted on the couch to turn around fully, his chest now against Jungkook’s stomach. “Fair enough,” he answered. If Jungkook had made that confession to him early on, he probably would have freaked out. 

Reaching out a hand, Jungkook let his fingers toy with some of the strands of Hoseok’s short black hair. “You know,” he said, tracing Hoseok’s un-pierced earlobe before his fingers disappeared in the dark hair again. “Whenever I told you I thought you were really cool, I used it as a way to say I love you, sort of.” He chuckled, no longer shy, but looking rather amused at himself. Sunlight was shining on his face, making his clear tan skin shine. “Obviously not in the beginning, because it was way too soon and we- you know. But still, even then, I just had these overwhelming epiphanies of shit, he’s it. And I don’t know, I guess I felt like you needed to know without me telling you.” His smile grew softer and so did his eyes and his hands settled on the back of Hoseok’s neck when he said, “I guess from now on, I can just tell you I love you.”

Looking at Jungkook, with his soft brown eyes sparkling and yellow light painting his cheek, Hosek knew exactly what kind of epiphanies Jungkook was talking about. In fact, Hoseok was having one of those epiphanies himself right now. He felt overwhelmed, so overwhelmed like everything was finally falling in place. It felt magical, how right this felt. Like this - this exact moment here, on the couch in Jungkook’s apartment, with Nari sleeping just down the hall - was where they were meant to end up. 

He was feeling so many things at once, but at the moment, it seemed like he didn’t know how to put any of them into proper sentences or even words. So instead, he just climbed a little further up Jungkook’s body, all the way until their foreheads were touching. From this position, Hoseok could see every detail of Jungkook’s eyes, from the colour changes in his irises to the veins in the white. Mesmerized, he whispered, “I love you too.”

Jungkook let out a single giggle, not used to hearing Hoseok saying those words out loud, and tilted Hoseok’s head towards him until their lips were almost touching. And then they were fully touching, in soft kisses that made Hoseok sink into the couch, into Jungkook, into the room. Soft kisses with little whispers of 'I love you' in between, both of them giggling every time either of them said it, wrapped up in each other's arms like that was where they belonged. )

***

Sometime later 

Sunny May afternoons might be Hoseok’s favourites. Or maybe it was just this one. Soft rays of sunshine were shining through the windows, which were opened, the soft breeze making the curtains dance on the hardwood floor. The furniture in the living room was pushed to the sides, making the big empty space where the white rug was normally located even bigger, giving the small apartment a spacious feeling. A playlist with all of Nari’s favourite songs was playing through the sound system, tunes going from tasteful to bubblegum pop.

The normally relaxed mood of the apartment was no longer chill and quiet, instead party-ready, with balloons in all corners, pillows in all colours to sit on, and glittery curtains covering the white wall where normally the beamer projected. On top of the kitchen table, next to an assembly of gifts and a jug of purple butterfly pea lemonade, one of those cute white buttercream cakes stood, the words Happy Birthday, Nari written on it with purple icing. 

Nari - the star of the show today - was dressed in a white vintage Nike sweater with light wash blue jeans and her silver glitter socks that matched the decoration on the wall. There was a yellow plush duck in her hand - a gift - which she was playing with as she contently sat in Jungkook's lap, laughing as she looked at everyone in the apartment that was here because of her. 

They were celebrating her 6th birthday today. Not the real deal; she’d already had a birthday party for her kindergarten friends last week, where they’d done a watercolour workshop downtown (Sounded familiar? Turned out Jungkook and Hoseok were still welcome there). But today was just the adult version of the celebration of her life, which included a whole bunch of games and a couple of people that were gathered here, in their apartment. 

(Yes: their apartment. As in both Hoseok and Jungkook’s apartment.

It had already been a couple of months since Hoseok had moved in. About half a year ago, Hoseok had gotten to a point where he only went home, like, once a week to do his laundry. This was ridiculous, to begin with, because Jungkook’s apartment complex had perfectly fine laundromat machines, and Jungkook happened to love doing laundry. Which meant that there was basically no excuse left for Hoseok to not just give up his apartment. 

So when, one day, Hoseok's small section of Jungkook’s small closet had bulged out so much that the door couldn’t close anymore (Hoseok had a lot of clothes, okay?) Jungkook had simply suggested that they should go and buy a new closet. Together. So that Hoseok had enough storage room for when Hoseok moved in. 

And Hoseok wasn’t going to lie: he had needed some time getting used to this new situation. As a matter of fact, he was still getting used to it. Nari might be an absolute precious sweetheart, but she was also still very much a young child; a young child who cried and got stubborn at times and had sleepless nights with nightmares and threw tantrums at the most inconvenient times. And Hoseok had no idea how to deal with any of that. None. But he was getting better. 

They all were.

Because he had his fair share of struggles with Jungkook too, who had a fucked up sleep schedule that fucked up Hoseok’s nights too, and who sang all the fucking time which was cute but now when Hosoek got a headache (thanks to his disturbed nights). And who was annoyed at Hoseok in turn too, because Hoseok did his morning stretches in the living room every morning, which was kind of very inconvenient when mornings were hectic and Jungkook was in a hurry. 

So they were learning (learning to swim) and it was worth it. Because movie nights watching Disney with Nari, car rides where he and Jungkook had jam sessions after a long day of work, and date nights to the park nearby when Nari was at her mom’s were like a floatie, making it much easier for Hoseok to tread water.)

So yes, they were all here, the whole bunch, in their apartment. Yongsun and Namjoon were sitting on Jungkook’s right, Namjoon still looking like a wise old tree man, and Yongsun still looking like a powerful woman who was also a wonderful mother. 

On the other side of Jungkook, Yoongi and Seokjin were resting on their pillows. They had to be here too since they were heroes for babysitting Nari in emergency situations (and Nari absolutely loved Seokjin for being his chaotic self), and of course, because they were Jungkook’s friends. And Hoseok had been working at the gym for quite some time too now, and he felt like had gotten quite close to the couple as well. Guess lunch every afternoon in Yoongi’s office did that to a group of people. 

Lastly, located around Hoseok, were Jimin and Taehyung. The weird thing about them being here? Hoseok hadn’t invited them. Jungkook had. Apparently, Jimin had run into Jungkook at a coffee shop a while ago, and when they had sat down to talk, they had ended up chatting for hours. Bonding over a whole bunch of stuff. Now they were besties. 

Hoseok hated it. Jimin knew all of his deepest and darkest secrets which Jungkook now knew too, and he was using them against him. 

(“Hey, can you grab me the BlueTooth speaker?”

“Why? So you can cover Bad Girl Good Girl by Miss A?”

“Who told you that?”

“...”

“I’m going to kill Jimin.”)

And maybe Hoseok had expected it to be a bit awkward - all these people here, who Jungkook and Hoseok knew, but who didn’t really know each other - but after the introductions and the cake-eating got out of the way, the party got fun. 

The party got they-were-all-really-competitive-and-had-great-chemistry-fun:

They were playing the harmonica game, where someone was wearing headphones that played a popular song and had to replicate it on the harmonica. The others’ job was to guess it. It was Seokjin’s turn and he was playing the musical instrument with a whole lot of passion, but sadly, no one had one single clue. 

No one but Taehyung, apparently. Because as Seokjin played the song for the second time in a tone that gave Hoseok a headache, Taehyung - looking all artistic and cute in his brown cardigan and glasses - turned to Hoseok and asked, “Hyung, what’s this song again?”

Hoseok looked up from where he was frowning in Seokjin’s direction and met Taehyung’s gaze. In turn, Taehyung softly touched the sleeve of Hoseok’s yellow You Good? sweater and added, “If I ask you, you’re going to steal it, right?”

But to be honest, Hoseok just wanted the noise to stop. So he rested a hand on Taehyung’s brown pants and answered with, “I don’t know.”

Then, Taehyung leaned into Hoseok’s space, holding a hand before his mouth and Hoseok’s ear as he whispered something - something giving away the answer - into Hoseok’s ear. As Taehyung pulled back away again, Hoseok thought about whether or not he would get away with stealing the answer as he heard one last, “Please, don’t steal the answer.” from Taehyung. 

But Hoseok wanted to win (win against Jungkook, because he was annoyingly good at this game) so he quickly raised his hand as he shouted, “Hoseok!”

“Don’t take my answer!” was the response he got in return as Taehyung climbed into Hoseok’s lab to try to pull his hand down again. 

“All right,” Hoseok gave in, laughing at Taehyung’s whiny voice, knowing that he was going to betray his friend anyway. 

So when Taehyung climbed off his lap again and sat back on his own pillow, Hoseok quickly raised his hand again, shouting, “Hoseok! Dolphin by Oh My Girl!”

There was one second of silence before chaos erupted. One second before, “Correct!” sounded through the room and Hoseok started to shout and yell out in both laughter and cheer. Taehyung, pouting extra hard, whined, “Come on! Seriously!” but Hoseok just threw himself to the ground in response, laughing like he was about to burst a lung, feeling a little bit guilty but definitely not enough. 

Taehyung, who looked very betrayed, started yelling, “That was mine!” But all he got in response was laughing and clapping from everyone else, and Hoseok who threw himself in another direction, laughing again, clutching his stomach. 

“I asked him what the song is called!” Taehyung whined towards the rest. 

Hoseok, still laughing, still on the floor, crawled-walked-shuffled himself towards Nari, who was sitting next to Jungkook and squealed, “Nari, you didn’t see that. Don’t do that. Cheating is bad.”

“You’re naughty!” Nari laughed back.

“I am,” Hoseok responded, his face now red and his stomach now hurting. He crawled back towards his pillow, watching how Taehyung was still sulking and sat back as he slowly calmed down. Yongsun came to the front, a cleaned harmonica in her hand, and the little betrayal was soon forgotten as new (false) notes filled the apartment. 

( cold waters - hong kong boyfriends ) ( YT )

As the other song played and the rest yet again failed to get the answer, Hoseok felt the bubbles of laughter disappear from his stomach, leaning back against the wall as he calmed down. Now that his mind was quiet and he had a chance to look around the room, he thought about how this reminded him of his childhood. Not the cheating part, persé (although he did cheat in high school; he had such a hard time studying) but the games. The laughter. The birthday parties. 

And: wasn’t it funny how life happened? How you grew up, matured, and your views, opinions and way of living changed? How opportunities presented themselves, and you took them, and you found yourself doing something you never thought you’d be doing ten or twenty years ago?

When Hoseok was young, he never would’ve guessed that he would still be playing stupid games at the age he was now. Or maybe an ever younger-him expected older-Hoseok to forever be playing games and never grow up. Neither of those expectations became true. 

He would’ve never guessed that he’d end up here when he was Nari’s age and attending birthday parties every other weekend. Never would’ve guessed that he would have an apartment that he was paying for. Living together with the man he loved. Have a child under their roof. Have a job that not only Hoseok enjoyed, but that also happened to pay decently. He never would’ve guessed that he would be hanging out with his friends, drinking purple lemonade and snacking on cake as they laughed endlessly. 

Fuck it. Even the Hoseok from two years ago would’ve never guessed he’d end up here. He never expected to gain much more than just a paycheck when he took the job at Yoongi’s gym. He never knew that his life changed as soon as he walked through that door for the first time. 

He opened that door, rode that elevator, and found Jungkook. Found Nari. Found this whole bunch of chaotic and competitive people with laughs that sounded like music when they blended together. He found love, a home, and happiness. 

It really was funny how life happened. Not any Hoseok would’ve guessed he would be playing seat cushion green light red light on a free Saturday afternoon. But here he was, on his pillow, back turned towards his friends, protecting the picture of Nari that the players were supposed to steal. 

Here he was, competing against his boyfriend, who had that boyish, mischievous glimmer in his eyes that told Hoseok that Jungkook was here to win. And true enough, after a couple of times of calling ‘red light, green light’ Jungkook was near him, near enough to grab the picture and run away, near enough to make Hoseok lose with just the right move. 

But he didn’t, not just yet, as Hoseok turned around and back again. Instead - right before he was about to grab and go - he leaned further into Hoseok’s space, leaning over the picture even, giving Hoseok that daring grin that Jungkook knew drove Hoseok crazy. “You better watch out,” Hoseok warned Jungkook, watching how Jungkook’s smile only grew at the words. He looked like a college boy like this, with his purple Supreme sweater, wide blue jeans with rips on his thighs, and his longish black hair that got into his eyes a little bit. “You’re in trouble,” Hoseok said, although his words died in his mouth a little bit. He got lost there for a second, busy staring at Jungkook’s pink lips. 

“Red light, green light!” he called out nonetheless. 

And there Jungkook went. Nari’s picture was in one of his hands and he was clutching his pillow tightly with his other one as he shuffled away to try to escape from Hoseok. But Hoseok was faster, fast enough to grab Jungkook by the back of his pretty purple sweater and pull. Fast and strong enough to make Jungkook fall backwards - fall into him - and make him erupt into a fit of giggles, laughing more beautifully than Vivaldi’s Four Seasons combined. 

“ Gotcha,” Hoseok whispered into Jungkook’s ear, soft enough so that no one but them could hear it. Hoseok started laughing as well - couldn’t help it when Jungkook was too - but he still managed to repeat, “I’ve got you,” suddenly feeling the doubleness of the meaning of those words warm up his insides.

Jungkook - too busy laughing, maybe, or perhaps just comfortable - didn’t leave Hoseok’s lap. He just stayed there, Nari’s picture in one hand, shyly reaching for Hoseok’s hand with the other. He looked up to make eye contact, and even though Hoseok saw him upside down and Jungkook’s face looked a little weird like this, Hoseok felt his giggles turn into a soft smile. 

Something about this felt so right.

So right when Nari decided to abandon her own pillow and jumped on her father’s lap instead, Jungkook groaning but not hesitating to position her more comfortably on his lower abdomen. Nari took the picture of herself out of Jungkook’s hand and put it safely on the ground. Three differently pitched tones of giggles blended as she did so, and Hoseok felt the three of them warm up. Not only from the no longer shy rays of sunlight that travelled through the glass of Jungkook’s windows but also from something within them. 

“You lost!” Nari announced. She looked proud as if she was the one that had just won the game. 

Jungkook, who looked fond, so fond, booped Nari’s nose with his hand that was not occupied with holding Hoseok’s. “Nah,” he responded. He squeezed Hoseok’s hand and nuzzled his head a little further into Hoseok’s tummy. “I think I won.”

He looked up at Hoseok again, still smiling, still upside down, still looking so right here in Hoseok’s lab, in their apartment, with Nari piled on top of them.

“I think we both did.”

/the end/