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Dear son,
I hope you are keeping well. Your father and I had grown quite wary due to your lack of response for our past few letters. We enquired about your wellbeing with your professor, Mrs. Choi. However she had replied saying you looked perfectly fit….
I must say, we are very disappointed over this dismissive and rather impudent behaviour of yours but we shall excuse it this one time and hopefully this will be the last time you ever pull such acts and worry your parents.
Seokjin sighs reading the letter in his hand. certainly he did not want to deal with the letters of his parents being disappointed over his unresponsiveness, first thing in the morning. To be fair, he likely wouldn’t reply to them at all if he had a choice but that was never an option he could even bring himself to imagine. Right now however, it wasn’t that Seokjin did not want to respond to his parents, he really did not not know how he would respond to their past few letters.
At the beginning when Seokjin had just moved from the bright and busy city to the quieter sides of the country for his schooling, his parents had regularly sent him letters enquiring of his health and wellbeing, curious about how his academy was and what he learnt here, to all of which of course, he had enthusiastically replied.
Now however, the letters had become less questions of curiosity and more orders, asking- no, commanding him almost.
‘Do make a friendship with the Kim’s boy. A connection with their family might benefit us.’
‘We heard that there has been a lot of nuisance going on in that class of yours, keep a distance with those troublesome lads, and please do not get yourself caught up in any of their mischief and taint your name.’
‘I don’t think old religion is truly necessary for you, maybe you should halt those classes and take up business instead, it would be much more useful for your future.’
What would he reply to all of these? Just a single letter with the word yes, to satisfy his parents? Perhaps. But it seemed too wasteful, papers and sending letters weren’t very cheap. Seokjin, of course had grown up rather comfortably and continued to live that way, but it still seemed quite wrong to waste money just because he could. And so he had simply decided to not reply to them at all, a seemingly bad decision, considering that he got his parents upset and fussing over him.
They had even gone as far as making Mrs. Choi update them about him. Seokjin sighs, he knew his professor was in touch with his parents but never expected that their topics of discussions would be him.
I should be careful around that lady then, Seokjin thinks, that lady has the eyes of a hawk, quite the gossiper even.
Gossipers were a scary bunch, one wrong move and they’d exaggerate it ten times worse than what it truly would have been. Seokjin sighs in resentment, continuing to read through his parents’ letter.
Further on, now that I have mentioned Mrs. Choi, I heard that her niece will be starting her further schooling at your academy in a few weeks, do try to bond with her, perhaps you could even spark a love interest amongst yourselves. I have heard that she’s a lovely lady, you might want to court her for marriage, after you are done with your academics, that is.
Do respond to our letter this time, Seokjin. Don’t worry us please.
Lovingly,
Your mother
‘Don’t worry us’ his mother had said. Seokjin wants to laugh, they would be anything but worried about his well-being, the only reason they wanted a response is to know if he’s rightly following their orders and fill up the gaps that Mrs. Choi had missed.
Marriage. The word brought a bitter feeling along with it whenever Seokjin’s parents had decided to talk about it. This had not been the first time his parents had raised this topic to Seokjin, but he had simply tried to be as unresponsive towards it, making it clear that he was nowhere near being interested in it.
Marriage....with a woman. With a woman of course what else would it be—
Lost in his thoughts and the letter in his hands, he had forgotten that he had been walking across the hallway of his academy, not paying attention to his surroundings at the slightest. He realises it once he bumps into a hard chest.
“Careful there,” Seokjin hears a fairly deep voice speaks, amusement distinct in their tone, “look where you’re going next ti— oh Seokjin! Never seen you on this side of the building!” He hears a somewhat familiar voice speak, but Seokjin couldn’t quite tell who it had been, looking up to see the owner of the voice he sees Namjoon, the sculpture student, the best one even.
“Oh Namjoon! How Lovely to see you! And as for me...” Seokjin trails off looking around to recognise where he was, “well I’m not sure, really. My mind was occupied and I didn’t see where I was moving to,” he says with an embarrassed look.
“Seems so,” Namjoon grins, “now what got you looking all distressed like that, hmm?” He asks
“Its nothing,” Seokjin waves his hand dismissively. Namjoon was not convinced, he knew. The sculptor looked down, his eyes landing on the letter gripped in Seokjin’s hands, he had figured the letter had been the cause of Seokjin’s agitation but Namjoon doesn’t press the topic further, which the elder had been thankful for.
Namjoon and him were not really friends, they had talked a handful of times and smiled at each other when they passed by but that was all, which was why Seokjin had never imagined there would come a day where they would probably try to form a friendship or even see it being initiated by either of them.
And so Seokjin is taken aback when Namjoon invites him into his art room, “How about I boil us some tea? Would help relax your nerves too,” Namjoon suggests.
Seokjin should refuse, maybe. After all Namjoon did surround himself with the ‘scandalous group’ his mother had asked him to stay away from. But instead of rejecting the sculptor’s offer, “Yes please, I would love some,” Seokjin says, entering into his art room.
Inside, there had been some of the most beautiful carvings Seokjin had seen. Even the statues by the entrances and hallways were not as stunning as the ones that laid hidden in his room. Some sculptures, much to his disappointment, were covered with sheets.
Seokjin knew that Namjoon is a skilled person, but it was only now that he had realised how extraordinary he truly was. Each marble breathtakingly beautiful, sculpted to perfection.
His eyes divert toward the rough piece of marble at the centre of the room, it was quite huge and visibly, still in progress.
“You’re working on this one?” He asks Namjoon, pointing at the unfinished work.
Namjoon’s eyes follow the direction at which Seokjin’s hand was pointing at, “Oh yes! I am indeed,” he smiles.
Seokjin nods, “Your works look absolutely beautiful, Namjoon,” he says, hands reaching out for the cup of tea the other had just made. “Say, would you please let me see what you would do with this one?” He asks, “ I am quite intrigued about how the final piece will look.”
“Why yes of course! I’d love to show them,” Namjoon grins, sipping his tea.
“What will you be doing with it?” He asks, still very mesmerised, admiring all of Namjoon’s works decorating the room.
Namjoon hums, “I’m still unsure… a fallen angel perhaps,” he murmurs.
Seokjin stills for a moment, eyes widening at his answer, after all the sculptor had said he’d carve a Fallen angel.
Fallen angels, The creatures of the dark world, the world of sins and the evil.
“Oh..that seems rather risky. Did the school allow you to do it?” Seokjin asks.
Namjoon almost laughs at the question, the edges of his lips faintly turning up, “I don’t listen to the school's words, Seokjin,” he says, leaning against his table, the amusement in his voice clear as a day, “I do it for my own satisfaction. So I don’t really consider what anyone has to say,” he explained, grinning throughout.
There was a confidence that he spoke with that Seokjin admired, he nods at Namjoon, continuing to sip his tea. Namjoon had been right, the tea did help calm his nerves, or perhaps it had been the art all over the room, or the company itself.
A comfortable silence hung in the room and yet Seokjin found the need to break it for some inexplicable reason. However, before he could even begin to start another conversation, the doors of their room opens, a stunningly handsome man walking towards Namjoon.
It was Taehyung, Seokjin recognises. He had seen him by the fountain a few times, usually alone but occasionally he had been accompanied by the infamous group his parents had told to avoid like the plague. Taehyung was one of them, of course, the notorious group who had been known for their mischiefs around the academy, if it had not been for their talents, they would most certainly have been expelled.
Taehyung doesn’t notice his presence, simply continues to talk to Namjoon. He couldn’t quite catch what their conversation had been of, although he had been close enough to distinctly hear them. Seokjin instead, found himself being distracted by how charming Taehyung had looked up close.
Seokjin was not blind, Taehyung was a stunning man, tall, almost as tall as him, his blond hair brushed to perfection, curling at some places, his bone structure had been so flawless, it had left him gaping at the boy. Taehyung looked too good to be a real person. He wouldn’t be a surprise if Namjoon told him Taehyung had been one of his sculptures which magically came to life.
“-Jin?” He hears Namjoon’s voice pulling him out of the daze he found himself in, staring at Taehyung.
“Yeah?” Seokjin splutters out, embarrassed over his loss of attention, and the attention he got from Taehyung now looking at him with a smile, finally acknowledging his presence. His face warmed , turning a bright red with his blood rushing up, his eyes looking anywhere but towards where Taehyung stood.
Namjoon smiles, “Taehyung and I were heading towards the fountain and were wondering if you’d like to join us?” He asks.
Seokjin furrows his brows, lips parted, unsure what to say. “You want me to come with you?” He asks, tilting his head by the slightest and sees Namjoon and Taehyung both nodding with a creepily similar grin resting on their faces.
“You can always refuse, however,” Namjoon assures.
He shrugs. Maintain a distance with those boys, he’s reminded of his mother’s words.
If she finds out, she’ll be mad.
“Say, the fountain….” He begins, voice barely above a whisper; the other two looking at him, a reassuring look on their faces, waiting for him to continue— “No one comes near the fountain much do they?” He asks, hands tightly gripping his teacup, if he had pressed it any further, he was certain they would break.
“Except us? None at all. We were the only ones who spent time there, and noticed that you’d come there at times too, so we thought we could get along,” Namjoon reveals. “So? What do you say?” He asks, taking Seokjin’s and his own tea cup and setting them aside on the table farther away for a wash later.
“Yes. Yes, I’d love to join you.”
That was the first time Seokjin goes against his mother’s words.
It’s a good feeling, he thinks.
—
The fountain was a quiet place, that was probably why Seokjin liked to spend his time there. Of course his visits there had reduced ever since Namjoon and the others had also decided that this fountain would be their place of resort.
“You can come join us anytime you want, Seokjin,” Namjoon told him on their way.
“Hyung,” Seokjin laughs and tells him, “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now Namjoon… call me hyung! I’m older,” he says, a cheeky smile plastered on to his lips.
Seokjin wasn’t really the one to let himself be this level of informal with anyone, it doesn’t come off as noble or gentlemanly, his mother had always told him. But it had come naturally with Namjoon, and perhaps he didn’t mind that very much.
“Its a hindrance to call you Seokjin hyung all the time, it’s too long,” Namjoon whines.
“Jin hyung then?” Taehyung suggests.
Seokjin hums, “Jin hyung sounds good!”
“Well then Jin hyung,” Taehyung smiles, “Shall we introduce you to you to these intolerable bunch of ours?”
“I heard that, you brat!” Seokjin hears a new voice, the owner of the said words coming towards them and smacking Taehyung on the back of his head which only made the latter giggle more.
“Can we at the very least try to be decent when a new person, who’s definitely not used to your antics is here,” Namjoon sighs, making his way to ‘Hobi’ and hugging him from behind.
Seokjin almost gasps at their actions, but judging from how everyone around did not react to them, as though it had been normal for them to behave such way, Seokjin decides to follow them, and keep his surprise and confusion at their seemingly odd behaviour to himself.
Taehyung smirks looking at him. And before he could even comprehend his movements, Taehyung was slightly moving up to one of his ears, turning him into a flustered mess. “They’re lovers,” Taehyung whispered into his ear, brushing his lips over the older’s earlobe ever so lightly, making him shudder at the contact, face flushing brighter if it was even possible.
Seokjin nods, unable to form coherent words on his tongue and Taehyung’s satisfied smirk only grew wider.
The rest of the introductions are brief. All of them talking to each other with warm smiles and even nicer laughs. The ‘notorious’ group somehow seemed more charming and delightful than the entire academy.
Seokjin wonders if he could find himself a place within them.
Among them, finding your comfort and letting your guard down a little, he realises, is not as bad as he had forced himself to believe.
————
There are many things Seokjin grew up hating in his life, the smug look on his mother’s face whenever she had caught him doing something she was against, had been something he despised the most.
His mother never truly held an expression of anger, no. She would always smile at him instead; lips stretching by just the slightest across her face. It was never to reassure or comfort him. Her intention would be to make Seokjin feel guilty, and to her satisfaction, he always did.
Seokjin always felt like he could read the words hiding behind the subtle stretch of her lips.
Is this what you are Seokjin? Does it satisfy you? Disobeying your mother like that? They would scream at him.
Her eyes shining with taunt, Oh would you look at that, Seokjin does not listen to his own mother.
She would never say the words out loud, which would only make things more frustrating. He’d rather have her say something than the muted mockery she’d put up.
And right now watching Mrs. Choi reflecting the same smug look resting on her face when she had caught him returning to his dormitory after departing from his new group of friends, Seokjin couldn’t be frustrated more.
Coming to a boarding school meant more than just the education itself to Seokjin, it was a place where he could let his guard down just a little while, not having his parents criticise every movement of his that they did not agree with.
And yet his parents had somehow found a way to suffocate him at his newfound escape.
Seokjin hated it.
He doesn’t write a reply to his mother, as he had planned, that night. Maybe later, he thinks, before falling asleep, Mrs. Choi would let them know anyway.
—
The next morning after his first class, Seokjin is asked by Mrs. Choi to her room. He had been expecting it to happen but he had prayed to the gods that it wouldn’t happen this soon, clearly they had not bothered to answer them.
“I’m guessing that you’re aware of why I called you here, Seokjin,” she says sitting down on her chair and motioning her hands for him to get seated too.
Seokjin takes his seat before nodding his head yes, unsure of what else he could say.
“It’s regarding your new company,” she continues, “I don’t think your parents would be happy to know of your knew acquaintance,” she had said sternly with a shrill voice, laying emphasis on the word ‘acquaintance’.
It was a warning, Seokjin catches on, that his relationship with the infamously notorious group should be nothing more than that of an acquaintanceship, and if it had already moved forward to be something more than that then he was expected to cut it off.
Seokjin wants to laugh, oh how controlling these adults could be. “I needed their help for a few subjects I have been taking, Mr. Choi,” he says instead; coming off rude during his very first meeting with her would be foolish, he decides, “as you may know they are a talented lot. I sought their help is all,” he said, trying to sound as calm as he possibly could.
Although Mrs. Choi did not look convinced she nods anyway, “If I see you around them one more time I’ m afraid I’ll have to tell your parents of it,” she warns him.
“I understand.”
“You may leave now,” she says and Seokjin had never exited a place that quick, just as he’s about to close the door, he hears Mrs. Choi speak again, “Oh and Seokjin, I hope you’ve written back to you parents by now,” she reminds him.
“I will Mrs. Choi,” he says, quickly closing the door before she could say anything else, sighing now that he was finally out.
If she catches me with them again my parents will know, he wonders. And for the second time, Seokjin goes against his mother’s words, making his way towards the fountain, hopefully meetings his new friends there.
—
There’s no one by the fountain when Seokjin visits there. Perhaps they’ll come later, he thinks, sitting down by the fountain and taking a paper and a pen to write to his mother. There had not been much to write, in fact, thee had been nothing to write at all but Seokjin forces himself to ink down at least a few words.
Dear Mother,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am in good condition but I’m guessing you already know that since you’ve asked Mrs.Choi to report you about me in here.
Seokjin wonders if his annoyance could be sensed or if he sounded rude, but he made no efforts to correct it if he had.
He continues with the writing.
And yes, I will be trying to make a friendship with Mrs. Choi’s niece, but I’m afraid I can’t promise you anything more than the fact that I will try.
Lovingly,
Seokjin.
It’s a waste of good paper, Seokjin thinks as he looks at his extremely short letter, but there was nothing that he could do.
As he went through his letter he notices Taehyung walking towards the fountain…or him or perhaps both. Seokjin lightly lowers his head, bowing to greet and acknowledge his presence. Taehyung bows back, coming closer and sitting beside beside him.
“Writing a letter?” Taehyung asks looking over Seokjin’s shoulder and at the paper he held in his hands. Seokjin nods, although he wasn’t certain if Taehyung noticed him.
“She’s having Mrs. Choi to report her of what you do here?” Taehyung asks, bafflement distinct in his voice. Hearing his voice so distinct and loud, Seokjin becomes reminded of their closeness. Flustered, he moves from his place, leaving some space between them.
“Yes,” he replies, sighing.
“And is that why I saw you walking into Mrs. Choi’s room today?” Taehyung asks.
Seokjin nods, “Yeah, she wanted to enquire of my newfound friends,” he says.
Taehyung hums, understanding, mouth parting in realisation that he and the others were the ‘newfound friends’ Seokjin was speaking of. “We’re sorry for getting you in trouble?” Taehyung says, sounding unsure, not knowing what else he could say.
Seokjin chuckles, “You have nothing to apologise for, Taehyung,” he reassures, “they just…” he trails of words not forming on his tongue. Taehyung simply nods, understanding, not pressing him any further
“And they want you to befriend Mrs. Choi’s niece?” He asks.
Seokjin looks down, nodding yet again.
“Oh my goodness, do they want you to court her?” He asks, trying his best not to laugh.
Seokjin coughs, “let’s not go there.”
“They think you would be into that sort? How depressing, hyung,” the younger said chuckling.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Seokjin stutters in reply, cheeks reddening.
Taehyung hums, “sure you don’t.”
Their conversation, much to Seokjin’s relief, is brought to an end by the arrival of the rest five.
“Oh! Jin hyung and Tae are already here,” he hears Yoongi speak.
“Yes, Yoongi hyung we can see,” Jimin replies rolling his eyes, making the rest chuckle and grinning lightly.
Yoongi clicks his tongue in response, “brats,” he mumbles under his breath, making everyone’s grins only grow wider.
“What were you guys talking bout?” Jimin pipes.
“Nothing!” Seokjin is quick to exclaim, a little too quick, he fears.
Embarrassment eats him up as everyone stares at him. While Taehyung laughed like it had been the funniest thing he had ever heard, Seokjin glared at him letting him know that he was cross with him. But it seemed as though Taehyung in fact, did not get the message, considering how he had made no efforts to stop his fit of laughter.
“Alright,” Hoseok begins, clearing his throat and trying to divert everyone from the topic at hand, surely sensing Seokjin’s discomfort, “Jimin painted a really pretty picture of Yoongi hyung and Jungkookie, you guys should see it!”
Jimin was a painter, perhaps Jungkook was too. Their shirts and sometimes their skin too, would have a wild stroke of dried paint clinging on to them. Anyone could’ve known they were artists by that blatant sign.
They were good ones, Seokjin was sure. But he had not had the privilege of seeing any of their artwork. The prospect of him being able to see Jimin’s work had Seokjin excited.
His excitement however quickly turns into confusion when he hears Namjoon and Taehyung groan. “I don’t want nightmares today darling,” Namjoon tells Hoseok, leaving Seokjin even more confused.
Were Jimin’s work not that good?
Even if it was the case, Seokjin couldn’t comprehend why Namjoon would say that out loud, in front of Jimin too.
“I’d love to see it!” Seokjin interrupts before Namjoon could say anything else, “I’m sure it’s lovely Jimin please show it to us,” he says politely, trying to hide the excitement of having to see his work, but evidently failing.
“Trust me Jin hyung you don’t want to,” Namjoon warns him.
Seokjin frowns, “That’s rude, I’m sure they’re beautiful.”
Namjoon hums in response, “of course,” he agrees, “Jiminie and Ggukie are the best artists in the academy,” he says, the brightest smile stretching across his face and tiny dents forming on either side of his cheeks, he had sounded boastful almost when he said it. Seokjin had not seen the man being this excited of his own work even.
And glancing at everyone agreeing with the same glint on their eyes, Seokjin wonders if this is what having a family feels like.
I wonder if I could ever have it too.
“Then why wouldn’t I want to see his painting Namjoon?” Seokjin asks, raising an eyebrow in question.
“You’ll know when you see,” Jimin chimes in to tell him, his sweet voice dripping with mischief. It had left him even more confused.
“Oh gosh,” Namjoon says shaking his head , “Did you really see it, love?” Namjoon asks Hoseok.
Hoseok snorts, “of course not, the first time was enough to last a lifetime. However, I really was hoping I could trick you all into seeing it,” he grins.
“I don’t think I understand,” Seokjin mumbles lowly, he saw the others grin wide after hearing his words.
“Jimin’s painting’s of his lovers are quite….erotic,” Taehyung tells him.
Lovers.
Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin were lovers.
Of course.
He should’ve guessed it, Seokjin thinks. He had just passed their interactions to be that of a really close friendship. Clearly not.
“C-can I see it anyway?” Seokjin asks, blood rushing up to his face as he asked them. The rest looking at him with wide eyes and lips parted in shock had only left him more abashed.
He hears Taehyung beside him stifling a laughter, “and your mother wants you to court a woman,” he says, reaching his hand to his mouth to muffle his laugh as best as he could, eyes crinkling.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Seokjin says petulantly, a pout forming on his lips.
“I’ll take your word for it hyung,” Taehyung says, but Seokjin only ‘hmphs’ at him.
Taehyung sighs dramatically before speaking again, “and if you keep pouting like that it would make it extremely hard for me to not kiss you hyung,” he says.
Seokjin turns into a flustered stuttering mess at that, he’s not sure of what he says, perhaps none of them were coherent. And even if they were, Seokjin wasn’t sure of what he had hastily stammered out. He sees Namjoon give Taehyung a small ‘hit’ on the back, perhaps to tell him to stop his teasing or watch his words.
“Anyway,” Yoongi interferes between their chaos, “court a lady?” He asks in confusion.
“Court a lady yes,” Taehyung confirms.
“Oh. Well, do you want to?” Yoongi asks Seokjin.
“What?”
“Do you want to court the woman?”
Seokjin hesitates. “No,” he finally mumbles, lowering his head.
Yoongi hums. And Seokjin could feel the others looking at him with a soft pitying smile.
Jimin clears his throat, gaining everyone’s attention. “Would you want to go out tonight? We haven’t done that in a while,” he suggests.
Seokjin gasps. They go out during the night. Of course they do.
“You’ve never left your room at night have you hyung?” Taehyung asks him.
“n-no. No, I haven’t”
“And would you like to?”
Seokjin hesitates, “and if we get caught?” He asks.
Taehyung chuckles, “Hyung we’ve done this for two years and haven’t been caught yet. I assure you we won’t.”
“Promise me. Promise me we won’t get caught and I’ll- I’ll come with.”
Taehyung smiles. “I promise.”
—
Seokjin thinks his heart might just burst at any moment with the pace it had been beating right now. The seven had silently sneaked out their rooms and met by the back gates of their school. He wasn’t really certain where they were headed to, after a few moments of nervously following the other six, Seokjin finally speaks.
“Where are we headed to?” He asks, tugging Taehyung’s sleeve to gain his attention.
Taehyung turns back to look at him, “We’re going over there,” he says pointing his finger at the hill a little further from where they were at, “to look at the moon!” He says, grabbing Seokjin’s hand with his own and intertwining their fingers and pulling Jin towards him to walk alongside them.
Seokjin flustered at the gesture prays to god that the red of his face wasn’t visible in the dark. “The moon? But we could see it from here….hell we could do so from our own rooms, why go there?” He asks.
Taehyung hums in agreement, “It feels closer. From the hill, I mean. As though if I’d reach out my hand, I could hold it.”
“Do you think you can hold it today?”
“We’ll find out today won’t we?”
The walk to the top of the hill is longer than it had seemed. But quite a fun one, Seokjin has to admit. He had loved every bit of it; from Hoseok’s constant rambling about how much he truly hated bugs to Jungkook finding them absolutely adorable, Yoongi expressing his annoyance for climbing with every step of his and Taehyung teasing him with every given opportunity, Namjoon and his ridiculous jokes which nobody laughed for except for Jimin. Jimin had laughed to them all as though it had been the funniest he had ever heard in all his life. He seemed to have grown closer to them all by the time they had reached the top.
They reach a clear spot, a cliff of sorts, although cliff seemed a word too generous for it. As Seokjin was studying his surroundings, he feels Taehyung tug his arm, suddenly making him aware of their still held hands. He looks up to see what Taehyung had gestured towards.
The moon.
Taehyung was right. The moon did seem like it was in hands reach.
None of them talk then, just silently gazing at the lovely moon and drowning in her light.
After what seemed like hours of standing there and hushed whispers of conversations, he hears Namjoon yawn. “We should go back,” he says, “I’m quite sleepy.” The rest agree, all of them walking back, their return just as chaotic as it had been while they were climbing up.
He and Taehyung were still holding hands, Seokjin realises halfway. Yet he had made no efforts to remove his hand from the other’s grip. If Taehyung had done nothing to do the same then it probably meant he wanted to hold his hand, or so Seokjin hoped.
The group had grown quiet when they had reached the schools and making their way back.
“Say Taehyung,” Seokjin whispers to the younger, a stupid question playing by the tip of his tongue. When Taehyung looks back at him, he continues, “Why didn’t you do it? Try holding the moon?”
Taehyung smiles, his grip on Seokjin’s hand tightening, “I realised I’d much rather hold your hand, instead,” he whispers back, into his ear.
Before Seokjin could make up a response to his flirtatious words, Yoongi shushes everyone. “Someone’s coming. Spread out and hide!” He says.
They had quickly dispersed before anyone could possibly spot them as soon as Yoongi had said those words. Seokjin and Taehyung had snuck and hid into the small passage between the two hallways.
Seokjin prayed that nobody would find them there. It had been dark yes, but the moon shone so bright, piercing the glass of the window and falling against them. Anyone with a sharp eye could’ve caught their sight easily.
Damn the moon, Seokjin thinks before looking at Taehyung who stood right before him.
The space was small, too small. Their faces were so close, Seokjin could feel Taehyung’s breath against his cheeks. He looks at Taehyung with no shame and the other did the same.
The moonlight looks absolutely delightful on Taehyung, Seokjin thinks, falling prettily on each of his delicate features and somehow make the man look more ethereal than he already was.
Taehyung raises his hand to cup his cheek, and Seokjin leans into it, “You look gorgeous, darling,” he whispers and Seokjin swears he could feel the breath of his words against his own lips, like petals of a flower, you could barely feel it but the softness of it lingers long.
And at that moment, Seokjin wonders if he could memorise it all, from the brown of Taehyung’s eyes to the smallest curls of his hair; the way the palm of his hands curve against his face and the callous of his fingers.
Taehyung leans in closer and so does Seokjin, their lips brushing each other’s ever so lightly at first, in hesitation perhaps. Seokjin couldn’t have know who had moved first, but in the next moment both their lips had met each other.
The kiss did not last long, barely a few seconds before Seokjin pulled away gasping and dreading what he had just done, rushing to his room with cold feet and an unsettlingly loud and pounding heart.
—
When morning comes Seokjin wakes up numb and limbs still cold. Last night’s incidents come rushing into his mind.
I kissed him.
My goodness I kissed him.
There are a lot of things that plagues his mind that morning when he wakes up. He sits there trying to process everything. What he had done, what they had done. His act of mischief with his friend that seemed way more fun than he’d like to admit. The pure adrenaline of having to run away and hide.
And….and Taehyung. Taehyung under the moon’s light. Taehyung’s hand against his cheek. And the kiss. The kiss. How Taehyung’s lips felt as though they were the softest thing in the universe. The way Taehyung had told him he looked gorgeous and oh so gently called him ‘darling’.
And how he had committed an atrocious act such as kissing a man. How his mother would absolutely detest everything he had committed that night.
And yet out of of all these things, Seokjin is worried most about how much he had enjoyed each one of it. How he wouldn’t mind repeating it all yet again.
To not think of it, Seokjin realises would be an easier decision than to consider and contemplate them. And so that is what he does, spending the day attending his classes and avoiding Taehyung the best he could. He knew he’d have to talk to him eventually, but today wouldn’t be that day. And Seokjin hopes that day would come at the farthest time possible.
He doesn’t go to the fountain, fearing that he’d have to face Taehyung if he did.
Yet, Seokjin does see Namjoon, while he was walking past the other in a hallway. “Jin hyung!” The latter had called out for him , “I finished the sculpture I was working on! You asked me to show it to you, wanna see?” He asks grinning.
“Oh my goodness, Yes!” Seokjin exclaims immediately, excitement brimming in him at the thought of being able to see Namjoon’s work. As they made their way to Namjoon’s art room, “You’ve finished it so quickly,” Seokjin told Namjoon in reverence.
Namjoon laughs, “I worked all night after we escaped yesterday,” he explains, “plus it is only a part of the series, there’s more to come.”
Seokjin feels giddy at the revelation, “I can’t wait to see them all!” He says almost jumping in delight.
Namjoon chuckles, “Well I hope you like them,” he says. Reaching into his pocket for the keys to open his art room and opening the lock.
“I’m certain I will, Namjoon,” Seokjin smiles walking in to look at the statue at the centre of the room, standing there beautifully with all its stunning glory.
It had been a fallen angel, as Namjoon had said. The creature of the dark world had been on his knees, one wing stretched high as though it would take him high yet the other wing ripped away, only a nasty scar remained in its place.
Seokjin already in awe, walked closer and closer to have a clearer look at the work of art. The sculpture feature looking more defined as he did, leaving Seokjin in even more wonder at how beautifully he had sculpted the angel. Each feather of his wing’s feather so well defined and Seokjin could’ve sworn the figure seemed to have been wearing an actual robe, he refused to believe that they were marble carved that way and not actual silk.
And as Seokjin looked up at the angel’s face he sees…..
Taehyung?
Seokjin gasps. “Taehyung?” He mumbles quietly in question.
My goodness, am I seeing things?
He looks at Namjoon with eyes wide, “The -the face? It’s Taehyung?” He asks, stumbling with his words.
Namjoon nods in response, “It is Taehyung indeed,” he agrees, “he’s the first one I did. I’ll do the others later too!” He says with a smile so wide.
“Oh.” Seokjin says, uncertain of what else he could say.
“You’re gonna sculpt them all as -“ he gestures at Taehyung’s statue “-fallen angels?”
“Yes.”
“And they all consent to you sculpting as these creatures of the dark?”
Namjoon smiles, “Jin hyung, I don’t sculpt them as creatures of the dark. I sculpt them to be what they are.”
Seokjin stays frozen at his place, eyes wide and lips parted in shock in realisation.
They were fallen angels.
Seokjin stumbles back, cold sweat clinging to his skin as he steps back , his entire body turning cold in dread.
“Hyung, are you alright?” He hears Namjoon ask him, worried and reaching for a glass of water.
“I- I have to go,” he stutters, rushing to the door and fumbling to open the latch of his door with his trembling hands. He could hear Namjoon calling out for him with concern, but Seokjin doesn’t respond simply rushes out, mind unable to think anything of meaning or coherence.
He runs, unaware of where he was headed to. He just runs, hoping to escape everything in this world if he could.
—
Seokjin had found himself sitting and leaning against the wall outside of the building of his dorms and hugging his knees. It had been a little farther from the usual fountain he and the others would spend time at. Seokjin’s not sure what he did there. Perhaps trying to comprehend everything that had happened or ashamed at how he had reacted when Namjoon had trusted him enough with a part of theirs, or perhaps he had just been there, hours together staring into nothingness.
“Namjoon’s been continuously rambling about how he’s worried he said something wrong,” he hears a raspy voice speak from a little distance beside him. Seokjin flinches at the sudden appearance.
It had been Yoongi, he realises as he turned to look from where the voice came from. Yoongi and Taehyung walked up to him, each crouching down on either side beside him.
“Both of you are upset you know?” Yoongi tells him with a sigh. And Seokjin feels like crying, he shows me his work and trusts me and I fuck it up.
He would’ve almost thought that Yoongi was disappointed in him.
Yet Yoongi raises his hand and Seokjin flinches, making him stop midway for a moment, to assure that he wouldn’t hurt him and then brought his hand to Seokjin’s back, patting him lightly. To comfort him perhaps.
Taehyung clears his throat beside him, “What Yoongi hyung means is that, we knew you’d be just as upset and came to console you too.
Seokjin nods in acknowledgement, thankful that they were here.
“What’s wrong hyung?” Yoongi asks him with a soft voice.
“You’re a fallen angel,” Seokjin says directly, wincing at how harsh he had sounded.
Yoongi smiles, “I’m Min Yoongi, hyung. Just Min Yoongi,” he says. “Fallen angel just happens to be a part of me. You didn’t fear Min Yoongi, what makes the fact of me being a fallen angel any different?”
He was right. Seokjin knew he was right and yet of all thing he could’ve said, “There’s evil in you," he blurts out.
Yoongi nods, still patting Seokjin like those words had not affected him at all.
“There is,” Taehyung interrupts before Yoongi could speak, “And there is evil in all of us. In me. In you,”
“And that’s okay,” Yoongi reassures with one final pat on his back before he got up, “Its okay to have evil in us, we aren’t here to be perfect and flawless, hyung,” he says before leaving. And before Seokjin could ask where he was up to, the man had left.
There is a long gap of silence later between Seokjin and Taehyung after Yoongi leaves.
“I’m sorry,” Seokjin whispers after a while, “I’m sorry…truly. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Taehyung smiles, reaching out his hand towards Seokjin, he holds out his palm. “Hold my hand, hyung,” he says with the gentlest voice he had heard.
And Seokjin does, without questioning it.
Taehyung wraps his palm around Seokjin’s. “How does it feel?” He asks.
Seokjin looks up at him, humming in question.
“My hand, hyung. How does it feel?”
It was a ridiculous question, but Seokjin answers him anyway. “Warm,” he says lowly, “your hand feels warm Taehyungie.”
Taehyung grins, “warm is nice,” he nods. “I once read a book which said our hands burned the skin like hot coal,” he said, gripping Seokjin’s hand tighter. “It’s not true, I knew it, of course. But that day I went to each of them and held their hands. They asked me why but I never explained it to them anyway.”
“Namjoon hyung’s hands are rough,” he starts, “probably from all the sculpting he does, and they’re kinda cold. Yoongi hyung’s hands are the softest-” he giggles while saying so, “- and somehow his hands are always cold, I sometimes wonder if he’s a vampire instead.”
“ And Hobi hyung's very much unlike Yoongi are warm all the time! A little too warm for my liking but they’re nice to hold on cold winter days,” he says grinning.
“Jungkookie’s hands have paint on them most days, he never bothers to clean them,” he shakes his had whilst smiling all the same, “his hands are….well they’re quite normal, not too warm or too cold, they’re perfect to hold whenever.”
“But Jiminie has the best hands! They’re perfect in every way. Way smaller than mine and so so pleasant to hold. They’re not as soft as Yoongi’s but they’re just right, warm on cold days when you want a warm pair of hands to hold and cold on hot days, he has the best hands.”
Tears were cascading down Seokjin’s face as he heard Taehyung ramble on about each one of their hands.
Oh.
This is what a family feels like.
“My hand,” Seokjin says, choking back his tears, “how do my hands feel?” He asks.
Taehyung smiles, “Hyung’s hands are big, bigger than mine, that’s a first,” he chuckles before continuing, “they’re cold too, but that’s probably because you stayed out for long. I’m curious if they’d change with seasons,” he wonders.
“And you’d stay?” Seokjin asks at once, “you’d stay among all those changing seasons?”
Taehyung nods and smiles with reassurance, “we all will.”
And perhaps that was all he had needed to hear.
“I need to apologise to Namjoon,” Seokjin says out loud, getting up.
Taehyung raises himself from the ground after him, shaking his head no, “There is nothing to apologise for.”
“But-“ Seokjin stops his protest midway in realisation, there was nothing to apologise for.
“Then I’ll see him again,” he begins, “to tell him that his sculpture was absolutely stunning and….and that I’m glad he told me.”
Taehyung hums and gives him a nod and smiles wide, “You do that,” he says. Raising himself by just the slightest to match Seokjin’s height and leaning in to kiss his forehead before the latter could even begin to process his movements.
“I’ll be leaving,” Seokjin stutters out, flustered at Taehyung’s actions, hastily rushing out to find Namjoon.
—
I should’ve asked him where Namjoon was, Seokjin thinks. He had ran to Namjoon’s art room only to find it locked out, he had wandered across the hallways and corridors in order to find him but to no avail. The fountain being the only place Seokjin could think of Namjoon possibly being, he makes his way there.
Namjoon was by the fountain, much to Seokjin’s thankfulness.
“Jin hyung?” He hears Namjoon call out his name.
“Namjoon.” Seokjin gasps, hunching down as exhaustion took over him from all the running he had done.
“Were you looking for me?” He asks, brows furrowed in confusion as he led Seokjin by his arm to sit down.
Seokjin refuses, nudging Namjoon by his elbow. “The statue, Namjoon. It was stunning, absolutely gorgeous,” he smiles, eyes still holding guilt. “Would you… let me see it again?” He asks looking.
And Namjoon smiles wide, dimples and all, “Yes, hyung. Yes, you can see it again. For as long as you need,” he says.
Seokjin nods, eyes yet again brimming with tears. It was a first he thinks, first time he was ever forgiven for his mistakes. First anyone had ever looked him in the eyes with a tender smile as he presented himself bare with his faults.
And that was okay, they had said. It was okay to harbour a bit of darkness in you. It is okay.
And like that they had found themselves in front of Namjoon’s sculpting room again, Namjoon pulling out his keys and inviting Seokjin in again.
When Seokjin enters and looks at the statue, it’s as though it had been the very first. Namjoon’s craftsmanship leaving him in awe once again, like he had never seen it at all. If it wasn’t for the ghostly white of the marble and its lifeless stillness Seokjin was certain he’d think that the statue before him was Taehyung himself.
He walks closer to the sculpture, till its face was right before his. Seokjin raises his hand to caress the face, its marbly surface cold and smooth and so very unlike human skin. And perhaps it were the few things that were there to remind him that it was in fact an inanimate piece.
Seokjin studies each of the fallen angel’s features, exceedingly impressed by how accurate Namjoon had been with his carving. From Taehyung’s eyelashes to the curve of his lips, the very lips Seokjin had kissed last night.
Seokjin hears Namjoon clear his throat behind him, “I have a class to attend now, hyung. You may stay here, however,” he says in hurry, “Here are the room’s key, you can give it to me tomorrow,” he said, giving Seokjin the keys and making his way out.
He admires the statue for a little more while, until the sun had just begun to set and it was time to leave.
—
Later that night when Seokjin lay in his bed, the image of Taehyung haunts him. The kiss that he had somehow successfully ignored to think of for the entire day plagues his mind again. He wonders if gazing at the statue was what rekindled it.
Seokjin rolls over his bed for the nth time that night, in hopes of finding a better position to sleep. His eyes land on the key atop his desk.
Seokjin breaks another rule that night. He doesn’t really bother trying to understand what he himself was doing. He moves on impulse, grabbing the key on top of his desk and leaving his room in the middle of the night, walking to Namjoon’s room and unlocking the doors.
He walks up to the marble, caressing its face with his knuckles. The world seems to still as he stares at the work of art that stood before him. The winds unmoving, perhaps in the fear of ruining the tranquil moment that had created itself within theses chambers. Seokjin sighs, soft, barely audible, and the world resumes.
Seokjin closes his eyes and holding his breath he leans in, kissing the fallen angel’s lips. They were hard and cold, quite a contrast to Taehyung’s plush ones. Once he pulls away Seokjin hears a familiar voice speak behind him, leaving him startled and almost falling off the pedestal he stood on.
“You know if you wanted a kiss you could’ve just asked me, hyung,” Taehyung had said grinning.
“What are you doing here?!,” Seokjin screams in surprise.
“I was passing by and saw the doors open and wanted to tell Namjoon hyung to stop working and go to sleep,” Taehyung chuckles. “Now hyung, tell me. What were you doing here?” He asks, mischievous grin gracing his face.
“I- I need to uhh I need to go!” He exclaims in a hurried tone before making his way to the exit.
“Don’t you want a kiss from me hyung?” Taehyung teases, amusement clear as a day in his voice.
“NO!” The older screams. Red in embarrassment, he leaves with urgency. Going back to his room and hoping to simply disappear into air.
—
“Icarus, giving into his temptations and excitement, ignores his father’s words and flies too high into the sky. The hot blazing sun, melts the wax that held his wings, ultimately leading him to his ungraceful death,” Seokjin hears his professor speak in his class.
“Temptation is the devil’s nasty device,” he said, “so when he comes before you to perform his tricks, blind yourself and you won’t fall victim.”
Seokjin almost scoffs at how similar the words were to what his parents would say.
He had always done what his professor had just advocated to do. He’d close his eyes when he was tempted, if he couldn’t see then it wouldn’t exist. That’s what he had always conditioned himself to believe.
When the class ends and Seokjin’s leaving, his mind still remains swarmed with the topic which was discussed. He wonders if Icarus regretted it as he fell, wonders if he would still do it if he had known the bitter fate that would follow.
While he was making his way to his next class, Seokjin sees Taehyung making his way towards him.
Well fuck.
He had successfully avoided Taehyung since morning and he did not want to face him yet, he did not want to face him at all and take his embarrassed self to the grave. Seokjin turns back, rapidly walking away praying to gods that Taehyung would not follow him.
“Jin hyung!” He hears Taehyung call from behind, quickening his own pace with Seokjin’s, no doubt.
Oh goodness, no.
Seokjin doesn’t respond to him, only walks even hastier than before.
“Hyung!” Taehyung calls again, his voice closer this time. He grabs his arm, “hyung please,” he begs.
Seokjin stills, he looks back at Taehyung, who sighs. “Lets go out hyung, hmm?”
Seokjin nods. Both silently make their way out. They walk to the fountain.
There is a silent moment before Seokjin speaks, “I am sorry, Taehyung. I don’t know what I was thinking and-” he’s cut off by Taehyung.
“Can I kiss you, hyung?” He asks, leaving Seokjin taken aback by the sudden request.
“It’s- it’s wrong!”
“And do you truly think so? Did it feel wrong to kiss me that night hyung? So wrong that you sneaked out in the middle of the night to kiss a piece of marble which bore my face?” Taehyung asks, walking closer.
Seokjin’s breath shudders. He parts his lips to speak but what would he say? That he does not regret it? That the ghost of Taehyung’s lips never left his mind? That he’d run to the world’s edge just to feel his lips on his own?
Close your eyes. Close your eyes and you won’t fall victim. His professor’s words repeat in his head in a continuous loop.
Taehyung walks closer, reaching out his hand and cupping Seokjin’s face, as gently as he had the night before. “Say no and I will walk away right this moment,” he assures him, “but I know you’re as tempted as I am, love. Won’t you give in?”
“Giving into temptations led Icarus to his death,” Seokjin mumbles, it was more to himself than Taehyung.
Nonetheless, Taehyung answers him. “Indeed. Yet it was temptations that made him fly, help him escape his tower did it not?” He grins, proud.
“Tell me hyung, would you rather stay trapped there and eventually die in your confinement? Or be free, fly to the greatest height and gracefully fall from your highest peaks of joy?” He asks.
And at that moment, he’d rather fly, Seokjin decides. That he’d rather be free and fall gracefully than stay trapped in this world of light.
Seokjin closes his eyes, this time not to blind himself from tempt but to accept it wholly with every inch of his being. And he gives in. Leaning in and closing the little gap that existed between their lips, breaking the ultimate rule he had caged himself in.
He feels Taehyung’s lips move along with his, both pairs of lips devouring each other like it was their first meal after years of starving, as if it’d be their last.
They kiss again.
And again.
Seokjin leans down his forehead against Taehyung’s, giggling while they both gasp for air. Taehyung grins wide and Seokjin wonders if every kiss would feel as pleasurable as this one. And oh, he couldn’t wait to find out.
He leans down, as though going for another kiss on the lips only to trick Taehyung and press his lips against the corner of Taehyung’s.
Taehyung chuckles, “Oh the things you do to me, darling..”
“Tell me,” Seokjin whispers, inching closer to Taehyung’s ear and brush his lips over the outline of it. He remembers Taehyung doing the same to him once, “tell me what I do to you,” he speaks into his ear, soft giggles escaping his lips, making goosebumps arising all across Taehyung’s skin.
Taehyung smiles, “Darling, I have spent years of my life listening to angels play the sweetest tunes on their lyre, yet I would damn them all once again and hold the sharpest knife against god himself, if it means to hear your laughter again.”
Seokjin gasps, darkness was still a new concept that he had not fully acquainted himself with, and he doubts if he ever would. But that was okay, he understands.
“One day,” Seokjin begins, “one day, I’d want to hear it, why you were cast off of heaven. I fear I wouldn’t want to hear it just yet but one day, do tell.”
Taehyung hums, “I corrupt the world, hyung,” He whispers, “I taint the world in darkness.”
Seokjin scoffs. “I know,” he says, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”