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all to fashion for your hand,

Summary:

Dean gives Cas Mary’s wedding ring.

Notes:

I made a post about this on tumblr then couldn’t stop thinking about it so I wrote this in the notes app on my phone while I was on the train. Title from hadestown of course.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Cas clung to him with no intention of letting go, and let out a nearly imperceptible whimper when Dean started to pull away.

“I could go with you.” Cas suggested, something desperate and frantic in his eyes, and it broke Dean’s heart. For one selfish moment, he almost wanted to say yes. He wanted to have Cas by his side, to hold him as the lights went out. But the moment passed as Dean realized that he loved him too damn much to ever do it.

“Cas,” he started. “Listen-“

Dean didn’t know what came over him in that moment. Maybe it was because he was about to die. Maybe it was because after all that had happened with the Mark, all that had happened with Amara, he’d finally realized something important. Or maybe it was just the way that flower petals caught in Cas’ hair as they were shaken loose in the breeze.

He fumbled for something in his pocket, and when he found it, Cas’ eyes went as wide as dinner plates.

“It was my mom’s.” Dean said, by way of explanation. “I want you to hang onto it for me, okay?”

The ring glinted in his palm, silver flashing in the sunlight. He’d stopped wearing it years ago, for some reason or another that he couldn’t remember and didn’t really matter now. But he’d still hung onto it. Sometimes, when the light caught Cas just right or the angel looked at him particularly sweetly, he could feel it burning a hole in his pocket.

“Dean, I-” Cas started, looking dangerously close to saying something, something dean was still afraid to hear. Even now.

“It’s nothing.” He deflected, but even as he did, he slid the ring onto Cas’ finger. By some miracle, it fit perfectly.

Cas looked the way Dean always secretly dreamed that he would. His blue eyes were bright and shining with the beginnings of tears, his cheeks were flushed and his mouth was half open in surprise and wonder. If Dean ignored the circumstances, he could almost believe that this was real. That he was not Dean Winchester, about to go on a suicide mission, but instead he was just a man, bright handsome and free, asking Cas for his hand.

Distantly, he was aware of the people around them. If this were real, he would’ve done it privately. Cas was special, he was quiet and kind and deserved something heartfelt and without any spectacle. But it was fitting enough, having their friends and family there with them. Dean wondered humorlessly if he should’ve asked Chuck for his blessing first.

Maybe it was cruel of him to do this, Dean thought. Making Cas a widow before he ever made him a wife. But hell, he was about to die to save the world. He deserved one nice thing for himself.

“Thank you.” Was all Cas said, and Dean let himself bring a tentative hand up to stroke Cas’ cheek.

“I’ll miss you, Cas.” Was all he said.

There were a lot of things that Mary needed to adjust to.

The first and biggest one, of course, was obviously the fact that she’d been dead for almost forty years. From the moment she woke up in the park, she felt incredibly nauseous, like she’d come down with the world’s worst case of carsickness. However she’d gotten from heaven (which was a laugh. After the things she did in life, she hardly thought she deserved heaven) back to the land of the living had to have been unpleasant.

There was a lot to grapple with, between all the time she’d lost and her place in the world and her place in the lives of her now fully grown sons, but luckily she was presented with a much easier can of worms to open before she could slow down enough to think about the big things.

The can of worms in question came in the form of a strange little man in Dean’s bunker. She’d pulled a gun on him, and he’d bristled, drawing some sort of strange silver blade from his sleeve. An enemy in front of her and a gun in her hand was a straightforward situation, one that was familiar from her old life, and she was ready to fire a shot into his skull to make herself feel a little better when her oldest son ran between them, waving his arms and commanding them both to back down.

The little man’s demeanor changed completely when he saw Dean. He cried out Dean’s name and threw his arms around him, burying his face into Dean’s shoulder.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Dean said softly, gently petting the man’s dark hair. “It’s okay, buddy.”

He seemed to remember Mary was there after a moment, and flashed her a conspiratorial grin over the man’s shoulder, as if to say get a load of this guy, right? But she’d already seen the way he’d looked at him.

It was then that she saw it, the man’s hand rested gently on Dean’s shoulder, and glinting on his finger was a familiar band of silver.

“That’s my ring.” She blurted out before she could help herself, and the two men untangled themselves to turn and look at her.

“Uh, right.” Dean said, awkwardly. “Cas, this is-“

“Mary Winchester.” The man - Cas - whispered. “But- how is that possible? Dean, what happened?

“It’s a long story,” Dean said by way of an answer. “A favor from Amara.”

“So she’s-“

“Gone.” Dean answered. “Not dead, just gone. She and Chuck. I think they’re on some sort of cosmic road trip “finding themselves” or some shit.”

Those names didn’t mean anything to Mary, but they clearly meant something to Cas, who’s face crumpled slightly.

“I thought he’d have said goodbye, at least.” Cas said sadly, and Dean squeezed his shoulder before turning a boyish grin back on Mary.

“Right, Cas, you already know this is my mom. And mom, this,” he gestured to the man proudly. “Is Castiel. He’s an angel of the lord.”

If it wasn’t for the “of the lord” tacked onto the end, Mary could’ve sworn that was a pet name. She still wasn’t sure that it wasn’t.

Apparently, angels were real. Not only were they real, but one was right in front of her, looking at her son with adoring blue eyes and wearing her old wedding ring. Of all the things that had been thrown at her in the past three hours, that was the thing her brain seemed to be stuck on.

“Why does he have my ring?” She asked, and Dean just looked at her in surprise.

“Well, uh-“

“Dean gave it to me.” Cas answered plainly, and Dean swallowed hard, fixing her with a nervous look.

The man who met her in the park was a stranger, a stranger who used to be her little boy. Somewhere along the line in the life that she’d missed, he’d become a hunter and a homosexual.

“Oh.” Was all she said, nodding slowly. She didn’t have a problem with homosexuals, she’d had a friend in high school who was one. She liked Freddie Mercury and Elton John and the idea of fashionable men with artistic careers, but just like hunting, it was a hard life. The sort of life she wouldn’t have wanted for either of her sons.

Dean and this…this angel couldn’t really be married, she was sure. Even if a whole lot of things had changed since her death, and men could marry other men, there were still probably rules against men marrying creatures. But she stared transfixed at her old ring all the same. Somehow, it seemed to fit perfectly on a man’s hand.

“Okay.” She said, forcing a tight smile, tucking this issue away with the rest of her piled up issues to be dealt with later. For now, they had bigger fish to fry. “Now, how do we find Sam?”

Ishim practically howled in laughter as soon as he spotted it.

Cas had started to withdraw his hand after healing him, but Ishim snatched it immediately, holding his wrist in a vice grip.

“Well well well,” He purred. “What do we have here?”

“It’s a ring.” Cas said plainly, trying to tug his hand away, but Ishim’s fingernails only dug deeper into his wrist. “Let me go.”

“Castiel, Castiel.” Ishim tutted. “My how pathetic you are. You don’t just let the monkey push you around, you let him own you.”

“He doesn’t own me.” Cas protested. “Dean cares about me.”

“Look at this disgusting human tradition.” Ishim  said, sneering at the ring. “You might as well have let him put a leash on you.

“You know,” Ishim continued. “If all you wanted was to be a big strong man’s little whore, all you needed to do was ask. But I think you’ve missed your window of opportunity there, I don’t care for your new vessel.”

With one strong jerk, Cas managed to wrench his hand free and held it close to his chest, eyes sparking in defiance.

“You don’t know a thing about me, Ishim.” Cas whispered, low and dangerous. “You don’t know anything about us .”

Castiel was hardly what Kelly expected of an angel.

For starters, he was a nervous, mousy little thing, with hunched shoulders and a ratty trenchcoat a size too big for him. She assumed all angels would be like Rooney. Or like Lucifer, rather. Terrifying divine power and beauty. She didn’t expect an angel to fumble with the car radio before settling on playing some saccharine Taylor Swift song. And she certainly wasn’t expecting an angel of the lord to be gay .

“Are angels even allowed to be gay?” She asked over the music once they’d been driving for a while, interrupting Castiel from where he was muttering frantically to himself.

“Excuse me?” He asked, clearly surprised that that of all things was the first thing she thought to ask.

“I’m not overstepping, am I?” She asked, fairly certain that she was overstepping. “I mean, I just saw the ring, and that hunter. And I just…assumed.”

“No, you…” He trailed off, looking thoughtfully out the windshield at the Washington scenery unfolding before them. “You are correct. I don’t say it often enough, but yes. I am gay.”

“So you and the hunter-“

“Dean.” He interrupted, and the look on his face answered her question before she even needed to ask it.

“And you left him there…for us?” Her hand came up gently to touch her stomach.

Cas sighed, long and heavy.

“It won’t be forever.” He reasoned. “Someday Dean will understand, and when he does he’ll come around and we’ll be ready. He’ll love Jack as much as I do.”

“I don’t think anyone could love Jack as much as you.” She laughed, and Castiel flushed pink. “But that didn’t answer my first question. Are angels allowed to be gay?”

“I don’t know.” Castiel said after a long moment. “I know that my brothers and sisters have often punished me for who I am, but I also know that it brought me here. It brought me to Jack. So that has to count for something.”

“I’m sure it does.” Kelly agreed, and they were silent again.

“This ring,” Castiel said eventually, staring down at his own hand. “It belonged to Dean’s mother, before she died, and he hung onto it for a long time before he gave it to me. One day, I want to pass it down to Jack, as well.”

“But not too soon.” She said, cracking a smile and trying to break through Castiel’s intense tone.

“No, the angel smiled. “Not too soon.”

Sam had left a few hours ago. Eventually, the exhaustion and grief of the day caught up with him, and he clapped a heavy hand on Dean’s shoulder before letting him and the kid know he’d be turning in for the night.

Dean stood at the pyre all night, feet frozen to the spot, watching the embers slowly, slowly die down into nothing.

He just wished the damn kid would get to sleep already. Or at least leave, follow Sam inside or fly off to start causing some massive supernatural destruction on an unimaginable scale, anything but standing two feet away from him, staring at the dwindling pyre with big, confused blue eyes.

You don’t get to grieve him .” Dean wanted to say. “ You took him from me, so you don’t get to grieve him .” But he couldn’t. He was too exhausted to be angry. Too exhausted to be anything but empty.

It was early morning once the last of the flames had finally died down, and even the glowing embers were starting to fade out. Soon there would be nothing left of Cas to remember him by. He’d thrown the coat on the pyre as well, remembering how the last time this had happened, he’d carried it around with him every day, weighing down his heart until the moment he saw Cas again. He didn’t want to let himself hope this time. He couldn’t.

But when the morning light finally broke over the lake and caught on something silver and shining in the ashes, Dean couldn’t help but dive for it.

He wondered if this was how his dad had gotten the ring, all those years ago. When Sam and Dean were sitting in the police station for hours on end, did their father run back to the house? Did he dig through the ashes and debris until he had some small piece of Mary he could hold in his hands again?

Or maybe they’d been in another fight, maybe she’d already taken it off and thrown it had him before she died. She was gone now, so he’d never know. But he knew that Cas had died wearing his ring, and he couldn’t leave it there.

“What’s that?” Jack asked as Dean triumphantly pulled the silver band from the pile.

For a moment, Dean almost wanted to hand it to him, but when he looked into Jack’s eyes, all he could see was Cas.

“Nothing.” Dean said gruffly, he swallowed hard and shoved it deep into his pocket.

“Hey kid,” Jack looked up when he heard Dean’s voice, accompanied by a knock on the door. “Can I come in?”

Jack quickly paused the cartoon he’d been watching and jumped up from his bed, crossing the room in a few quick strides to open the door for Dean.

“Hello.” He said, holding his hand up in a wave. Dean laughed, and he wasn’t sure why people always did that. Should he start laughing when people waved, too? Was that another part of greeting that he didn’t understand?

These questions would’ve been easier to deal with if his father were here. Sam told him that Jack could go to him with any questions about life he had, and Dean seemed to be a walking encyclopedia of normal human behavior, but it wasn’t the same. He didn’t know Sam like he knew his father. Sam was kind, but he wasn’t made the same way that Jack and his father were.

Dean was different.

From the moment he met Dean, Jack wanted nothing more than to be loved be him.

He knew that Dean was good and strong and brave and that he would protect him, he knew this because his father had told him so before he was born. He just hadn’t expected it to be so hard to earn it. (Mia Vallens said that you never have to earn somebody’s love, but Dean said therapy was “bullshit”, so he wasn’t sure what to believe.)

But today, Jack thought that he had made some good progress. He’d helped them on a case, and he’d saved Sam’s life. Dean had seemed proud of him then, and Jack was happier than he’d ever been his whole life (so far).

Dean stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting back and forth on his heels and keeping one hand in his pocket. When Jack looked at him expectantly, he opened his mouth and shut it again a few times before pushing past him and going to sit on the edge of Jack’s bed.

“Have a seat, kid.” Dean said, patting the space next to him, and Jack did. “Look. There’s, uh. A few things we have to talk about.”

Jack’s heart hammered in his chest. What could they be? Jack thought he did so well today, did he make a mistake? Did he hurt someone and not know it?

“Is everything okay?” Jack asked nervously.

“Yes- no- shit.” Dean stammered, before sighing heavily and turning to look seriously at Jack. “I just- I needed to tell you that I was wrong about you.”

“You were wrong?” Jack parroted, still unsure of where the conversation was going.

“You’re a good kid, Jack.” Dean said. “And I blamed you for some stuff I shouldn’t have blamed you for. And the way I’ve been treating you-“

Dean swallowed, hard. His face looked like Jack’s did the time he took a bite of a lemon, thinking it was going to taste like orange.

“I’m sorry, kid.” He said, finally. “If Cas knew the things I’d been saying to you, he’d kick my ass. He’d kick my ass for swearing in front of you, too.”

He managed a grin at that last part, and Jack felt warm, but aching inside, the way he always felt when anyone mentioned his father.

“Anyways,” Dean pushed on. “I have something for you. Something I probably should’ve given to you a while ago.”

“A present?” Jack asked, and Dean cracked a crooked smile before reaching back into his pocket and pulling out a ring.

It was a simple, silver band with no adornments and no engravings, nothing distinctive, but Jack recognized it almost immediately. Somehow, he could just tell.

“This belonged to your father.” Dean explained. “And I think that he would’ve wanted you to hold onto it for him.”

Jack watched with wide eyes as Dean dropped the ring in his hand.

“Take care of it, kid.” Dean said, finally getting up. After a moments hesitation, he reached over and ruffled the top of Jack’s hair before abruptly standing up and quickly walking out of the room without another word.

Jack felt like he was glowing, and hugged the ring to his chest. He was even happier now than he’d been when he’d helped with the case earlier. He’d never even thought he could feel this much happiness before. But still, it was missing something. Someone important.

Cas never wanted to let him go. He’d been given a second (third? Fourth?) life and he wanted to spend it all right here, at the bottom of the bunker stairs with his child in his arms.

He could feel the beginnings of tears against his shoulder where Jack had his face buried and quietly shushed him, stroking his soft hair and murmuring nonsense.

He was close enough to human to understand that the Winchesters saw an adolescent, almost fully grown, but angel enough to know that Jack was the youngest thing Cas had ever seen.

When he opened his eyes, he could see Dean standing off to the side, watching them wistfully. Come here, Cas wanted to plead. Come here and hold us so I never have to leave. But he hung back, not ready to face his role in their family unit just yet.

After another moment, Jack wiggled out of his grip, (you could never hold an excited child for too long, Cas supposed) and gave him a wide, gap toothed grin that melted his heart.

“I have something for you.” Jack said, words tumbling out in one breath. “Dean told me it was yours, but he told me to keep it safe for you until you got back. See, he knew you’d come back! And I did- I took really good care of it, Dad.”

And for the first time since he’d gotten back, Cas began to cry, because what Jack pulled from a string around his neck was a simple, silver band.

Dean, seeing Cas start to cry, was at his side in an instant, one hand on his back and one hand fluttering just inches away from Cas’ face. Jack’s was also peering at him in confusion, and Cas could see his face start to fall, thinking that he’d somehow upset him.

“My ring,” he managed finally. “You kept my ring. I love you, oh I love you.”

He wasn’t sure who he was talking to, Dean or Jack or both of them. But they both seemed to understand. Jack threw his arms around Cas once again and Dean pressed a kiss to the top of his hair.

“Me too, Cas.” Was all he said.

Notes:

Ok byeeeee I promise I’m gonna finish my multichap fic soon ❤️ Follow me on tumblr @casgirl