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Drunken Confessions

Chapter 2: Truths

Summary:

Kaz confesses to a small truth

Chapter Text

By the time the Crows finally entered the building, Kaz had fallen asleep. Nina studied him, watched the way his chest moved as he tucked an arm under the pillow, the muscles in his back working as he rolled. He’d lost the shirt, garbled something about it itching the new bandages, and Nina had conceded. It gave her the opportunity to map out the scars lacing his body, and his back was by far the worse. Whip-marks, stretching over his skin like a patchwork.

‘Nina?’ The door opened, unlocked by her earlier, and it was Inej that looked around the wooden frame. Her eyes focused immediately on Kaz, sleeping by Nina’s side, and the Heartrender didn’t miss the jealousy that crossed her face.

Careful not to touch him directly, Nina nudged at the pillow, jostling Kaz from his sleep.

‘Kaz, Inej is here.’

‘Inej?’ The hope in his tone bled into excitement at spotting her, sitting up sharply and looking across to her.

‘Inej.’ He breathed out, a smile crossing his lips that Nina found herself staring at for a moment too long.

The Wraith Queen was moving to his side the moment her name was spoken, halting at the edge of the bed as Kaz stretched a hand out.

Then, he faltered. His hand was bare, wrists narrowly covered by the beginning of the bandages, and he clearly wasn’t drunk enough to touch her without the gloves. The gloves that Nina was wearing, taking the leather off and handing them to Kaz. He grinned, fingers disappearing beneath the black fabric as he took Inej’s hand.

‘You’re pretty.’ He told her seriously, and Nina giggled.

‘He’s drunk.’ Jesper looked amused, taking a step into the room with Wylan shutting the door.

‘Sloshed as a sailor.’ Nina agreed, ignoring the ache that came with seeing how tender the moment was between Inej and Kaz. He was still holding her hand, thumb brushing over the backs of her knuckles.

‘You’re hurt.’ Inej reached for the hem of the bandages, darting a look to Nina, who shook her head sharply.

No, that was not a conversation to have yet.

‘How about Wylan entertains you, while I speak with Jesper and Inej?’ Nina prompted, the Crows understanding as they stepped to the side.

Wylan seemed more hesitant to approach Kaz, but when the man did nothing but pat the bed by his side, the boy softened. A conversation began, covering the sound of Nina’s voice as she turned to the Suli girl and Zemeni boy.

‘They’re self-inflicted.’

‘What?’ Inej breathed out, Jesper’s eyes widening.

‘The bandages. He… they were cuts.’

The trio fell silent, turning only at the sound of Kaz’s laughter.

Wylan looked confused, hair sticking in all directions as Kaz ran his gloved hand through it again. Then Wylan smiled, tilting into Kaz’s hand and beaming up at him.

‘Do you know what happened?’

‘No. Just that I came in to his room like this, and Kaz was… unresponsive.’

**

Kaz wasn’t an idiot. He knew they were distracting him with Wylan, that the feeling of nausea that usually occupied his stomach was taken over by the buzz of the kvas he’d drunk. Pleasantly numb, unable to feel the ache in his arms, the pain of his mind whirring over and over after the job offer he’d received today.

Just the thought of it drove him to abandon Wylan’s hair, snatching up the bottle of kvas from under his bed, that he’d stashed away.

‘Should you be drinking any more?’ Wylan asked, freckles more prominent in the candlelight of the room than they usually were. He looked younger, eyes bright and a smile on his lips, and Kaz was struck momentarily by the naivety of the boy. Each of his Crows, of his family, reflected a part of him that he’d lost when he’d died.

Before Kaz could answer, a siren sounded out across the City.

Logically, Kaz knew what it was. He had heard that a pox had hit Ketterdam, so the Plague warning was no surprise. It was part of the reason behind his foul mood, that led to the excessive drinking. But, with the alcohol messing with his thoughts, he remembered hearing them down in the docks, in the alley that had been his last moments as Kaz Rietveld.

‘Kaz?’ Wylan’s lips shaped further words, like he was asking why Kaz’s hands were gripping the bottle tightly enough that it might shatter, that his hands were shaking and his eyes were focused on the window.

‘Pox.’ He stated, hated the trembling in his voice.

‘The warning bells? There were a couple of cases today…’ Wylan halted, mostly because Kaz had reached out for his hand.

It was warm. Not clammy, or cold like the skin of Jordie. He could feel it, even through the gloves, the beating pulse.

‘I…’ Kaz cut himself off, unsure why he was willing to admit to what had happened. That the words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to slip out.

‘What happened today?’ Inej was back, sitting by his side, the bed dipping slightly. Kaz didn’t release his hold on Wylan, was surprised when the boy squeezed.

‘I was offered a job.’

A bad job. A job he didn’t want.

‘What was it?’ Jesper perched on the edge of the upturned desk, Nina sitting by Inej’s side. Their thighs touched, and Kaz watched in wonder as Inej blushed, as Nina winked in her direction.

‘To convince the Council to remember those lost in the,’ He halted, choked on the word, ‘Firepox.’

They were confused, until Nina smiled encouragingly.

‘You were in Ketterdam for the Queen’s Lady Plague?’ None of them had been, save for Wylan, who would have been protected by the nastiness behind the walls of the Van Eck mansion.

‘Me and… Jordie.’

He’d said it. A word, a singular name. Jesper’s head snapped to him, Inej traced the word on her lips, piecing together the puzzle.

‘Who’s Jordie?’

‘My brother.’ From the fact he had never mentioned him, the others could conclude what had happened.

He didn’t explain. He didn’t want to, not today.

He just settled for nudging back into the mattress, of turning his face into the pillow.

‘Sleep well, Kaz. We’ll keep watch for tonight.’ Nina soothed, and for some reason, Kaz stretched out a hand for her.

‘Stay.’ He repeated, just like he had before.

Kaz’s drunken stupor faded enough for a voice in his head to tell him this was a bad idea, that Dirtyhands shouldn’t let someone so close, but he ignored it.

‘Inej?’ He asked, moving over enough for the Grisha to settle, while staring at the Wraith Queen. Inej lingered, glanced to Nina, but slowly removed her knives and then settled on his other side.

‘Sober Kaz would appreciate the irony.’ Jesper cheerily told Wylan, before taking his boyfriend’s hand and guiding him to the door.

Kaz relaxed, listened to the murmuring chatter of Nina and Inej, comfortably settled between the warmth of them.

The Pox couldn’t touch him, not when they were by his side.