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EJ vividly remembers the moment his dad stopped showing up. He was 12 and just being ordained a deacon. His dad hadn’t gone to church with them in well over a year, so Jeremy had agreed to set him apart. When he had asked his dad if he was coming with them, he had chuckled before ruffling his hair and saying, “Of course I’ll be there, I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
That Sunday, when him and his mom sat down in their regular pew, next to Jeremy, Lisa and Ashlyn. He and Ashlyn excitedly whispered back and forth about what kind of trouble he could get into, now that he wasn’t in primary. As soon Bishop McCarry stood up at the pulpit, the pair sat up straight. Instead of looking at the pulpit, however, EJ’s eyes fell on the door. His eyes only leaving the door when Bishop called him up to bear his testimony. He nervously made his way up, and stared out at familiar faces, quickly searching to see if he missed the calming face of his father.
When he couldn’t find it, his gaze fell on Ashlyn, who had the biggest grin on her face. She waved as he cleared his throat, adjusting the mic.
At the time, EJ hadn’t realized that was it, that his dad had given up on being parent. But looking back, he knows, that was it. The next time his absence stood out, though, was two years later, after his mom had started working again. She had been out of town for business during his first water polo match. But she had made sure Lisa FaceTimed her so she could watch the whole thing from the stands and cheer along like she was there.
He remembers the day that much more vividly than the match. He remembers coming home from school, coming home to the house completely empty. He refused to let that ruin his, mood, though. So he went around the house, cleaning, making sure everything was ready. And at 3:30, Ashlyn and Lisa came over.
“EEEEEJ!!!” Ashlyn shouted, running and jumping onto him where he lay on the couch, reading.
“Ash, if you don’t get off me right now, I won’t make it to my meet tonight.” Ashlyn laughed, throwing her arms around his shoulders.
“I’m never getting off.”
“Yeah?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” She responded, squeezing him tight.
“If you say so…” He wriggled one of his arms out from under her and began tickling her ferociously.
Ashlyn let out a aquel before recoiling off of him.
“Ha!” EJ sat up, triumphant.
“No fair!” Ashlyn whined. “You’re not allowed to tickle me!”
EJ shrugged.
“Just because I’m not ticklish doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to tickle you.”
Lisa sat down in the arm chair next to her daughter.
“It’s true, Ash. Just because he has the unfair advantage of not having a soul, doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to tickle you.” EJ stuck his tongue out at her.
“You’re all so mean to me!” He folded his arms in a pout. Ashlyn gently kicked his leg.
“Only because you make it so easy.” She smiled. EJ scowled back at her.
“Where’s Cash?” Lisa spoke up after a moment. EJ looked around.
“I don’t know.” EJ stood up, getting ready to head upstairs. “He said he was gonna take a half day, to make sure he made it.”
Ashlyn and Lisa remained seated as EJ voided up the stairs, he checked every room before making his way back.
“He’s not here.” Lisa and Ashlyn shared a knowing glance.
“He’ll probably just meet us there with my dad.” Ashlyn puta hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
After the match, no sign of his dad, he dutifully piled into Lisa’s car.
“TacoTime?” Lisa looked over at him, a smile on her face. EJ put on his best smile.
“Sure, it’s tradition, right.”
“And the Caswell’s never break tradition.” Ashlyn shoved his shoulder.
“Never.” Once they were in line at the drive thru, the pair had successfully gotten EJ to smiled for real. And by the time they had made it back the their house, Cash Caswell’s absence had been completely forgotten.
The biggest clue that his dad had given up should’ve been the day his mom had sat him down to tell him about the separation.
“What?” EJ didn’t understand. They were giving up on their family? But that’s not how this is supposed to work.
“We’re supposed to be together forever.” He spoke stubbornly. His mom sighed.
“Sweetheart, The three of us will still be together for ever.”
“But you’re moving to Portland.”
“I know. But I’ll always be just a phone call away. You know that.”
“Yeah, whatever.” EJ crossed his arms angrily as he fell backwards.
After several beats of heavy silence, EJ glanced at his mother through the corner of his eye.
“Where even is Dad?” He tried to sound non-chelante. His mother sighed.
“He’s at work.” She sounded tired. She probably was. EJ was.
“Why?”
“I don’t know, Elijah! Maybe because he cares more about his damn job than us!” His mom’s outburst brought tears to his eyes. After he stood up, his mom reached out.
“Wait, I’m sorry Elijah, I-“ EJ shook her hand off before running up the stairs, slamming his door closed.
Yeah, looking back on it, that really should’ve been the moment he realized. But EJ just thought maybe if he did better, that maybe this wouldn’t be permanent.
He didn’t realize this was permanent until his graduation. His mom hadn’t been able to make it work had taken her out of the country and she wouldn’t be back until next week, his dad, though, had promised he would be there. But when he started wandering around, he couldn’t find his dad anywhere. For some reason it didn’t upset him like it normally did.
“EJ!” A large smile spread across his face as Mr Mazzara made his way through the crowd, gently moving groups of parents and friends to stand in front of the new graduate. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks Mr Mazzara.”
“So, what are your plans now that you’re a “real adult”?” He asked, using air quotes, making the younger man laugh.
“Well, I’m just gonna be going to the U in the fall. But until then…” EJ shrugged. “Ashlyn, Gina, Ricky, Big Red and I are all heading down to St George next week.”
“That’ll be fun.”
“Yeah, we’re gonna head to Zion’s for a few days and hike the Narrows, Ricky and Gina have never hiked it.”
“I haven’t either.”
“What? You’d love it.” Mr Mazzara raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms.
“What about me makes you think I’d enjoy hiking?” EJ laughs.
“Hey, even Ashlyn likes it, and she’s not a hiking person.” Mr Mazzara kept his arms crossed and narrowed his eyes.
“I’ll have to take your word for it.” EJ opened his mouth to respond just as he heard a familiar voice call out.
“EJ!” He turned and caught sight of Ashlyn’s familiar curls running towards him. Mr Mazzara looked back at EJ.
“Well, go have fun.” Mr Mazzara smiled as he gestured toward his group of friends.
EJ reached out and gave the older man a quick hug.
“I’ll see you Sunday?” Mr Mazzara gave him a small nod before shooing him off toward the large group.