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Dream was positive; he knew what love was. It was exactly like all of the books and movies had told him it would be.
It was fire. An aching passion that filled his bones with electricity, with jealousy, with anger. It was 3 am arguments starting a spark under the house his relationships were built in. It was the flames growing up from the basement, engulfing the soulless home, suffocating its occupants as the score was settled by the tinge of copper between spit soaked lips and the purple memory of his fingerprints on slim hips.
It all made sense. The on again. The off again. The red-orange haze that clouded his mind when she came home from “girl’s night” with another man’s cologne settled in her hair. The scent tarnished the fresh set of sheets he put on just for them to enjoy. She would slide into bed and cuddle up behind him and press kisses against his shoulder blades where her disinterest was permanently engraved in constantly refreshed trails of frustration from over-manicured nails.
What Dream didn’t understand however was how the fire was supposed to be controlled. It grew too quickly, burned too hot. There was no other option but to let it take its course. So as he sat in the ashes of the home he had fought to maintain, another man’s underwear in his singed hands (as if you can forget your fucking underwear), the final embers sputtered out.
He felt… an unsatisfied sense of calm.
The damage that fire causes is widespread and irreversible in the worst ways. Every photograph disintegrated into charred regret. Every memory is stained with the smoke of betrayal. The previously enjoyable heat from the flames that were synonymous with the good times, the highs, were now simply the precursor to the burns. Nothing more, nothing less.
Dream decided to do what any hurt person would do. He covered himself in neosporin and moved the fuck on.
It eased the pain for a bit, but the nerves seemed beyond repair. To most people he bounced back incredibly quickly. He threw himself into his work and ignored the apologetic eyes of his family, his friends, half the fucking internet. He was doing fine.
But he didn’t compliment the pretty blonde at the post office anymore. He didn’t smirk at the flirty barista that made him his coffee every morning.
He simply shut himself in his room, and worked. He edited for too long, neglecting bathroom breaks until Sapnap came knocking at his door a few hours in.
Sapnap helped. The younger had moved in a month after the fire. He had dropped everything to come to Florida the second he could. As soon as Sapnap had shown up, Dream noticed things got easier. The burns began to heal.
Considering he couldn’t even talk about the incident, there was no way Dream was capable of communicating to Sapnap how helpful he had been.
The other man brought calmness, consistency. He barged in with dinner at a reasonable hour and sat on Dream’s bed to eat with him. He would knock twice to signal he had water, then would bring in a fresh bottle and retrieve Dream’s empty one. Most of the time words weren’t spoken. Dream stayed working. Sapnap stayed caring.
Dream wasn’t sure how Sapnap did it. The man managed to be everywhere at once, doing everything with accuracy and skill. He streamed, stuck to their recording schedule, and somehow took care of Dream all with practiced ease.
But it wasn’t until a normal Tuesday night in May that everything changed for Dream.
Dream was hunched in his chair, a familiar and comforting position that left a well-deserved pain in his back after too long. He was hyper-focused on a spreadsheet of his current analytics. The voice in his head was nagging at him to do better. It was drowning out the probably too loud music flowing out of his speakers.
The exhaustion was getting to Dream. He hadn’t slept a full night in days. He rested his head in his hands and let his eyes slip shut, attempting to clear the constant noise plaguing his brain. There was no telling how long he sat there, trying and failing to shake the thoughts. Song after song filled the air and dissipated without notice. He was just about to succumb to their demands to get back to work when a sharp kick was delivered to the base of his chair, causing him to snap back to attention.
“Dude, get down here.” Sapnap urged.
The blond slowly spun in his chair to face the other man. He was laying on the floor behind Dream. The soft light from his bedside lamp washed over the room leaving Sapnap covered in a warm yellow hue.
Dream wanted to be annoyed that he was interrupted from his lack of focus. One look at Sapnap was enough for the feeling to disintegrate quickly. The other man was stretched out on the floor, arms folded behind his head as a makeshift pillow. He was wearing one of Dream’s 20 million milestone sweatshirts, however it was a size too big so it hung slightly looser on his frame. The only other clothing item he was wearing was a pair of maroon boxer briefs that were stretched over his thighs.
Thighs that Dream definitely didn’t let his eyes linger on a moment too long. Thick thighs that were warm and strong and the perfect mix of muscle and plush skin.
It’d been 5 months since Dream had gotten any. His thoughts wandering to inappropriate places about his best friend wasn’t exactly a new occurrence. But right now it was tugging at his heart in a way that he wasn’t familiar with.
Sapnap in his room, in his sweatshirt, looking up at him from the floor with pretty, sleepy eyes.
Stop.
He has to stop.
Dream isn’t allowed to have this. He isn’t allowed to have someone like Sapnap in the ways his mind supplies late at night.
“I- uh, have to finish this.” Dream mutters going to turn his chair back around.
Sapnap raised his foot to hook it around Dream’s ankle, holding him loosely in place. “Nope. You’re going to turn up the music, get your ass down here, and vibe.”
Dream rolled his eyes at that. “Vibe?” He questioned with an eyebrow raised in amusement.
“Vibe.” Sapnap stated plainly as he pulled one of his hands out from behind his head and patted the floor next to him.
Dream turned the chair slightly, causing Sapnap’s foot to slip from leg. The loss of heat, even through his sweatpants, was upsetting to him.
Dream pulled open Spotify and raised the volume slightly before turning back around and letting himself fall to the ground next to Sapnap.
The other man let out a small huff of approval as he let his eyes slip shut. Dream settled down next to him, leaving an inch or two or space, but not quite enough to be platonic.
Dream could still feel the warmth of Sapnap’s arm where they rested at his side now before folding over his stomach, long, thick fingers weaved together in a way Dream wished he could feel.
The heat radiating between them spiked anxiety in Dream. He was being too selfish, laying too close, giving up working to be here with the other.
But just as Dream began to change his mind on ‘vibing’ the song changed and Sapnap began to hum softly.
The intro of the song started with some high vocals, the sort of notes neither of them had the range to sing normally. But Sapnap hummed them lower, a gentle harmony to accompany the song. It sent a soft shiver down Dream’s spine.
Dream tried. He tried not to let his gaze fall to the other. But his head was heavy and was being pulled, so he let it fall. He let his ear press into the carpet and his eyes focused on Sapnap’s profile. The younger man’s good looks were just as effortless as everything else he does. From the rough layer of auburn hair that defines his jawline, to the gentle curve of the tip of his nose. Every blemish, freckle, and hair was committed to Dream’s memory.
It made Dream’s hands twitch with a need to reach out, to touch. He wanted to know how his palm fit against the other’s cheek, if the action would bring a blush to his face or cause his eyes to roll.
Before Dream could stop himself, he turned onto his left side to face the other man who was still too engrossed in the song to sense movement. Dream tucked his left arm beneath his head and reached out with his right.
His fingertips hovered with last second hesitation before he let them rest against the soft surface of Sapnap’s cheek. The humming stopped and Sapnap’s eyebrows furrowed together at the surprise contact. Dream felt a familiar signe bleed into his fingertips. But as Sapnap’s features relaxed again a rush of something different flowed through his hand. It was calming in a way he never experienced in moments like these.
Dream wanted more.
Applying the softest amount of pressure possible, Dream pressed his fingertips into Sapnap’s cheekbone. The other followed the motion and let his head be turned to face Dream. Once Sapnap’s whole face was in view, Dream felt the fire again. This time in a pit at the bottom of his lungs.
He was taking too much. He was getting selfish again. He had no right to reach out like this, to touch as if he was allowed to. The smoke filled his lungs and fed off the oxygen, leaving nothing left for Dream to breathe. He felt himself start to choke in shame and he pulled his now shaking hand away as he returned to his original position on his back.
Sharp emeralds trained onto a single ridge in the ceiling, begging for it to collapse under the heat he felt growing under the floor. He had lit his home on fire again. He had asked for too much and this was the retribution. The flames, though small at the moment, had to be growing. There was no other option but to let them consume him. He let his eyes fall shut, an acceptance of the punishment he deserved. His hands were tangled on his stomach, unkempt nails picking at his cuticles in an attempt to feel anything but the burns he had become so familiar with.
The heat increased. But it was physical this time. The light shifted somewhere outside of himself. The presence was obvious. Sapnap was closer now and when Dream opened his eyes he was met with a pair of soft grey staring down at him.
Sapnap was propped up on his side, hovering slightly over Dream with a gentle curiosity on his face. It was not the face that Dream had expected. He had expected sharp lines and frowns and a fire coated tongue, ready to lash out.
“Where’d you go?” Sapnap gave a small smile, eyebrows twitching into a small frown with the question.
“There was an eyelash.” Dream covered, sparks slipping out with the words, daring the carpet to light up beneath them. It was almost jarring how easy it was to lie, even to Sapnap. He had become so accustomed to the white lies of how he was doing good and was perfectly fine. A small lie seemed inconsequential compared to the threat of the burns returning with an angry vengeance.
“Did you get it?” Sapnap’s much to pink and full lips curled into a small smirk, his eyes remained constant though. They were calm, cool, caring.
“Uh yeah. I did.” Dream wanted to look away, but he felt pinned, like a beam had already fallen from the crumbling ceiling, holding him in place to burn with the rest of the fragile material.
“Maybe you should double check?” Sapnap nodded softly before reaching to where Dream’s hands were still tearing at his own skin. Strong fingers pulled at Dream’s palm with a surprising gentleness. The touch caused a wave of healing to wash over his arm. It soothed the burns that have been holding his skin hostage for so long.
Sapnap guided Dream’s palm to his cheek and covered it with his own, leaning into the grip lightly and letting his eyes slip shut.
Dream moved on autopilot from there. His thumb rubbed at a softly blushed pink cheekbone. “I’m sorry.” Dream whispered into the now chilled air between them, Sapnap having doused the flame.
“What are you sorry for? You can touch. You’re allowed to touch.” Sapnap’s words felt like rain, drenching his skin. The room was filling with water, it was inching up Dream’s body, threatening to overtake him completely.
“You can’t say things like that.” Dream murmured, his eyes falling to Sapnap’s parted mouth. He dared to let his thumb follow his gaze. He felt a soft huff of air escape from the warmth beneath his thumb. .
“I only say things I mean.” Sapnap whispers back, refusing to move his lips more than absolutely necessary as if he’s afraid to scare away Dream’s touch.
“You can touch me too.” Dream admitted. The fire started to spark again. “If you want. You don’t have-”
“I want to.”
Dream blinked at the interruption. The words wouldn’t connect in his brain. Why would someone like Sapnap want to touch someone like him? Someone broken, burned, bitter.
“Let me take care of you.” Sapnap whispered, his hand slipping from where it covered Dream’s. Soft fingertips trailed down his arm before resting on his chest.
“You do that every day. I wouldn’t ask for more.” It was another lie. Dream wanted to ask for more, he just couldn’t find the words.
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. Let me make you feel good, Dream.” Fingers tangled into Dream’s shirt, fiddling with the fabric with an unfamiliar gentleness.
“We shouldn’t-“ Dream started.
“Stop overthinking it. It doesn’t have to mean anything to you. It’s been a long time and you need to take a step towards putting yourself back out there. Let me help you do that.” Sapnap pushed himself up and threw a leg over Dream’s hips. He hovered slightly. Their hips just brushing as he held himself back from sitting. “You can pretend I’m anyone. It doesn’t matter to me. All that matters to me is that you feel good.”
Dream’s face furrowed into a frown as he pulled his hand away from where it had stayed Sapnap’s face. “Why the fuck would I want you to be anyone else? That’s awful. I don’t think we’d be in this position if I didn’t want it to be you.” Dream’s words came out harsher than he intended. But with all due respect, what the fuck was Sapnap on?
“You’ve been having a hard time lately. There’s a difference between wanting me and wanting attention. That’s okay.” Sapnap had a meek smile that wasn’t doing anything to hide the glassy film filling his eyes.
“I want you. I have since you got here. I think a part of me knew from the moment we first touched. You make more sense. This makes more sense. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. But you came in and you filled up every corner of this awful fucking house with your smile and it helped. It still helps. You’re everywhere, constantly. You care in a way she never did. You love me in a way she never did. Right?”
It hit Dream like a tidal wave. All of the little things added to it until it came crashing down, surrounding him, drowning out the flames. It was audacious, asking Sapnap if he felt like this. But it made sense now. There was a reason Sapnap’s words and actions healed his burns.
Sapnap nodded, letting the tension in his thighs give out as he sat himself back on Dream’s lap. “I love you.” He whispered, grey waters avoiding emerald stones at all costs.
Dream’s hand came to Sapnap’s wrist and pulled, causing the younger man to fall forward. He caught himself on his elbows, now only a few inches away from Dream’s face. Their eyes were forced to meet and they were both submerged into water.
“I love you too.” Dream whispers.
Sapnap raises himself up slightly to shift his weight. He grabs both of Dream’s wrists and drags them above the other’s head. His grip was soft but stern.
Dream lets out a small gasp at the forced movement, holding his breath in as he sees something much darker flash behind Sapnap’s eyes.
“You’re gonna keep those there for me right?” Sapnap smiled slightly waiting for a response. Dream nodded quickly, a little too much eagerness in the motion.
“Good.” The praise sent blood rushing to his dick that was situated snugly against Sapnap.
The hands left Dream’s wrists and he craved to reach out and touch but didn’t want to disobey. He had never been the one to be instructed like this. His body was responding in a way he didn’t expect.
“You tell me at any point if you want me to stop.” Sapnap’s lips got closer. Now barely a centimeter apart, warm breath ghosting over Dream’s lips, but not burning.
“You’d have to start for me to be able to tell you to stop.” Dream dares, confidence slipping back in at the thought that Sapnap is as desperate for this as he is.
“Watch your mouth, big guy. Might get you in trouble.” Sapnap smirked softly, his lips brushing against Dream’s as he spoke.
“Promise?”
“Pinky.”
Their lips met and all of the air they had remaining dissipated into the flood. It took Dream a moment to adjust. The lips against his were so full and soft and moved with a gentleness he wasn’t familiar with. It was wet, deep, filled with passion. Dream’s hands were aching for stimulation, anything to remind him he wasn’t drowning alone.
His fear was thrown from his mind with another wave as Sapnap’s hips rolled against his own. He gasped at the friction causing Sapnap to dip his tongue into his mouth. The onslaught of sensation pulling a particularly embarrassing whine from Dream’s throat.
Sapnap groaned in return, starting a steady rhythm with his hips as he grinds back on Dream. One of Dream’s hands lifted to grab at Sapnap’s hip but was quickly pinned back down by the other.
The look on Sapnap’s face when he pulled back was exhilarating. He was as handsome as ever but his features were drenched in lust. It left its traces in dark pits that blew out the loving grey of his eyes and his pretty lips shining with Dream’s spit. “I thought you were going to be good for me?” Sapnap cocked an eyebrow, his hips shifting in small circles.
Dream winced lightly at the ever increasing strength of the grip on his wrists. He nodded quickly, shaking himself out of his trance. “I am. I’ll be good. Wanna be good.” He rushed out.
Sapnap’s smirk broke into a smile at the desperation. “Oh I know you will, baby. You’re such a good boy for me. Isn’t that right?” Sapnap let go of Dream’s wrists in favor of slipping under his shirt. Right as Sapnap went to push it up past Dream’s stomach, shaking hands came down to stop the motion.
Dream was looking off to the side, eyes glazed over in nerves. Sapnap released the hem of the shirt and covered Dream’s hands with his own. “Do you want to stop?”
Dream’s head snapped back to face him, panic setting into his features. “No!” The shout was unexpected and scared both of the men. “There’s just, like, it’s not very pretty under there. I just want you to be prepared.”
Sapnap’s face was crossed with concern and confusion. “You’re in incredible shape, man. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” He soothed, thumbs brushing over the back of Dream’s hands.
“It’s not that. There’s like…” Dream trailed off as his gaze dropped down to their interlocked hands.
“You don’t have to explain. Would you rather just show me?” Sapnap asked, voice barely a whisper.
Dream nodded and pulled his hands back to rest at his sides. He clenched his eyes shut, terrified of seeing the look on Sapnap’s face. He felt his shirt slide up, warm hands hovering, but not touching. The room was filled with nothing but long forgotten music flooding from his PC.
Sapnap didn’t say anything, just pulled Dream’s shirt over his head and let his hands run down his body. Dream’s torso was a long expanse of pale skin. His general lankiness was endearing instead of awkward. Right under the soft definition of Dream’s right pectoral was a litter of scars. They were a light pink, clearly old, puckered slightly as they fought to heal. They were in an odd pattern. Not the sort of pattern someone would inflict on themselves.
“She- uh… she liked to throw things when she was angry.” Dream whispered, eyes still refusing to open. ”It was the only time it was ever directly at me. It was the cup you sent me from Austin. The one with the cactus.”
“You should have gone to the hospital. Some of those needed stitches.” Sapnap was referring to the deepest scar, much too wide to be put through healing on its own.
“She took my car keys.”
“Let me take care of you. I want to make you forget all of it.” Sapnap insisted.
Dream opened his eyes, finally risking a look at Sapnap’s reaction. The other man was just as caring and genuine as ever. Nothing had changed.
Dream barely had time to nod before Sapnap’s face was buried in his neck, trailing open mouthed kisses and an occasional soft bite down to his collarbones. Dream couldn’t help but arch his back off the floor in an attempt to get closer to Sapnap.
“You’re so pretty when you’re needy.” Sapnap whispered against flushed skin as he dove in to suck softly right above Dream’s nipple.
“Please, Sap.” Dream breathed. Face flushed red with want.
“Please what, pretty boy? Use your words.”
Dream’s hips twitched against Sapnap at the pet name, his dick finding friction against the other’s ass. “Wanna touch. Please let me touch, daddy.”
Dream’s eyes widened almost comically. Every motion either man was making came to a halt. Sapnap pulled back and propped himself up on his hands to stare at Dream.
“I’m so sorry, that was gross.” Dream rushed out. “I won’t say it again or we can stop if you want. I’m sorry.”
Sapnap’s face broke out into a mischievous smirk “You wanna be a good boy for daddy?”
“W-what?” Dream stuttered out with a heavy breath.
One of Sapnap’s hands snaps up to grab at Dream’s chin, his fingertips soothing the skin as he presses them harshly into the other’s cheeks. Dream’s eyes are still wide but heavy with arousal, gentle green almost invisible behind his dilated pupils. “I asked if you want to be a good boy for daddy?” Sapnap leaned over to growl in Dream’s ear.
“Oh my god.” Dream groaned, hips coming up to resume the previous grinding that had been lost to nerves. “Fuck yes. Please, oh my god.”
With a loving chuckle, Sapnap removed himself from Dream’s lap and pulled down the other’s sweatpants and boxers. Dream’s cock slapped softly against his stomach. It was already flushed red with anticipation, a small bead of precum forming at the tip. It took everything in Sapnap’s power to not immediately bend down to lick it up.
“You’re so beautiful.” Sapnap whispered, a soothing look of awe dancing across his features. His eyes shamelessly traced every curve and dip of Dream’s body, eyes glazing over with admiration.
A low ember threatened to relight Dream's stomach at the attention. He hadn’t been looked at like this in a long time. Actually he hadn’t been looked at like this ever. His brain began to supply every flaw that he had picked apart in the mirror countless times.
The small triangle of moles next to his belly button. The coarse blond hair dusted across his pelvis that he hasn’t trimmed down recently. The soft white trails of stretch marks running across the inside of his thighs. The scars. Oh god, the scars. The harsh, puckered, angry reminder of every mistake he had made in his relationship.
And yet here he was, calloused fingertips and tender palms tracing unseen paths down his chest. They followed precise, intentional brushes over his scars, the tangible marred pink of his chest and the invisible, angry burns across his bones.
“Stop thinking so much.” Sapnap laughs softly as he straddles Dream again. This time his position was lower, resting on Dream’s thighs instead of his lap.
Dream’s eyes snapped up to Sapnap’s, the ocean between them parting to make room for conversation. “Can’t help it. I’m trying not to.” Dream knows it’s a lie. He isn’t putting much effort into avoiding the anxieties.
“Tell me how it feels, what I’m doing to you. Can you do that for me baby?” Sapnap soothes as his hands start to drift lower, his thumb brushing over the triangle of moles that Dream was worried he’d notice.
“F-Feels better.” Dream stutters due to a newfound grip on his hips.
“Better than what?” Sapnap presses, eyes following his own hands, bottom lip bitten in concentration.
“Than anything. Ever. I’m terrified but also more comfortable than I’ve ever been. I think it’s just because it’s you.” It’s somehow a risky confession even though their feelings have already been announced.
“Do you trust me?”
“More than anyone.” Another confession, another risk.
Without another word the muscles in Sapnap’s cheeks sucked in before a slight clench of his jaw. As he let his head fall forward, his lips parted allowing a long stream of spit to fall, somehow gracefully and coat the base of Dream’s cock.
Dream was hooked on every movement, unable to look away. His brain was trying to dissect every twitch of a muscle, every flutter of his eyelids. But he was too enamored by the man above him to fall into the fire. As the spit covered him, one of Sapnap’s hands came and wrapped around the base of his dick.
Dream let out an embarrassing whimper of “Oh, fuck.” at the contact, hips rolling as mucha s they could against the touch. Sapnap’s left hand came down to pin his hips in place, his whole body leaning into the movement to maintain dominance. It wasn’t necessary, Dream was more than willing to listen to the silent instructions.
“You’re being so good for daddy, aren’t you? Pretty boy letting himself get treated nice?” Sapnap cooed. His hand, now properly lubricated, started to softly tug at Dream’s dick. It was a whisper of a touch, no pressure being added, no real gratification being granted. Just a reminder of the lack of control Dream had on the situation.
Dream was nodding fervently at Sapnap’s words, his bottom lip bitten red from holding back his whimpers.
“Aw, you’re my pretty boy, huh?” Sapnap’s tone had a gentle hint of teasing that made Dream’s dick twitch in his soft grasp. The younger man leaned forward, removing his hand from Dream’s hip in favor of supporting himself so he could hover above the blond.
Dream turned his head to the side, a deep crimson chasing his heartbeat across his cheeks.
“Dream, baby, what are you?” Sapnap’s tone was darker, his lips brushing against Dream’s ear.
“Sap, I ca-”
“Say it.” Sapnap growled with a sharp bite to Dream’s earlobe.
“Fuck, I’m your pretty boy.” It was a desperate whine, a sharp contrast to Sapnap’s controlled impatience.
“Damn right you are. Gonna make you cum so hard for me.”
Sapnap wasn’t lying. His hand gripped Dream tighter, pace increasing causing his back to arch off of the floor. Heavy breath ran down Dream’s neck, sending a pool of arousal to his stomach. Sapnap’s body weight was enough to keep him relatively pinned to the floor. But on every upstroke, the hand tending to him slid up over his head causing his hips to stutter and a choked out moan to escape.
It was such a contrast from the teasing he had been receiving. But right as the roll of Dream’s hips began to lose their rhythm, Sapnap’s hand slowed. “Just a little longer, you can wait for me can’t you, gorgeous?”
Dream whimpered out a soft “Yes, daddy.”
Sapnap started to move again, his pace as unrelenting as before. Dream keened under the touch, his thighs clenching softly as he felt Sapnap’s hips roll against them. His ear was flooded with loving praises. Sickeningly sweet whispers of exaltation that filled Dream’s ears with the eminence clouds of summer rain. Words and phrases Dream would never dare to associate with himself. But as they spilled from Sapnap’s spit soaked lips, they became infinitely more bearable.
“D-Daddy, close. ‘M close, gonna cum.” Dream whimpered. The constant stimulation starting to catch up to his arousal.
“Go ahead, pretty boy, you can cum. Cum for daddy.” Sapnap groaned, his hips now rolling steadily against Dream’s thighs.
Dream’s mind was unsurprisingly, the last to give in. His body knew it was time. Sapnap’s hand refused to let up, and Dream let himself fall. The ocean consumed him. A deep breath, filling his lungs with water, with Sapnap as his eyes rolled back into his head and the praises kept filling his ears.
Sapnap followed right after, diving head first as his hand loosened around Dream’s spent cock and his hips thrust one final time against the pale thighs pinned beneath him.
Dream gripped onto Sapnap’s sweatshirt for dear life, drowning was worth it when you had a suitable partner.
Time had disappeared beneath the waves as the men stayed there, faces buried in each other’s necks as the sun started to reflect off of the ocean and signal the start of another day. Dream drifted out to sea peacefully, the anxieties that usually sparked within him unable to find purchase amongst the flood.
For the first time in a long time, Dream felt love.
It had never been fire.
It had always been the ocean.