Work Text:
Second bedroom from the left, closet by the bed, box on the floor. Memories from a lifetime ago and more. Faded cartoon characters on the front of an old journal. The same old dream—everlasting, unchanging, sempiternal. Scribbled-on sticky notes, yellows and pinks and blues. Reminders to stay hydrated and not set the alarms on snooze, caught between photographs of colour, of black and white. Phone call records, text messages, late nights.
He’s marked down everything across the years. Notebooks, filled out and dog-eared.
A phone pings. The door closes. A voice lifts and falls.
He closes the box. Sets it back where it was. Safe and sound, before he calls—
“I’m coming, Minho-hyung.”
“We’re not losing our reservation just because you felt like cleaning all of a sudden, what the hell. Hurry up or I’ll leave you here, eat all the food, order expensive booze, and charge everything to your card!”
“You wouldn’t!”
“Try me!”
One last look, before he stands to leave. He knows the box won’t go anywhere, just like how Minho wouldn’t head out without him either, as much as he threatens to do it every single time Seungmin’s even a second late.
He’ll wait.
Second bedroom from the left, closet by the bed, box on the floor.
Memories from a lifetime ago, and more.
JYPE 13th Open Audition
Applicant #1023
Format: MPEG-4
Length: 00:01:38
Forty seconds in.
Blue-and-white sweater, white t-shirt, repurposed school uniform trousers.
The camera’s field of view clips a neat rectangle around the banner, from Wonder Girls to TWICE.
He lets his hand fall, stops singing, and waits. Expectant. Longing.
“Right, thank you,” comes a voice from behind the camera. The sound of papers being shuffled too close makes the microphone crackle. “We’d like to hear more from you. Please collect the form for the next stage of the audition from the table by the door.”
“Thank you!” A bow, another bow, and a third bow. “Thank you. The form—here? Thank—ah, thank you—”
He slips out of view, and the recording ends.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #1
Notebook, blue, spiral binding. Page one.
Hello,
Today I’m starting a new journal. Our vocal trainer told us to start keeping one, to make sure we take notes each time we practice. I don’t know if I’ll write much, but I’ll remember to do it every day! I still can’t believe I’m part of JYPE now. It feels unreal. I’ll do my best to make the most of this opportunity.
I had my first introductory group vocal lesson today. We learnt vocal exercises, and we took turns singing for the trainers to assess us. They said that I should work on my breathing and my enunciation. I’ll practice tomorrow and return with more confidence.
That’s all for today. I’ll write more soon. Thank you.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #47
Notebook, blue, spiral binding. Page thirty-six.
Hello,
Today we were split into groups of threes to practice our harmonies. I was placed in the same group as another trainee who joined the company at the same time as me, and someone I’ve got to know well recently. His name is Han Jisung and he’s also born in 2000 and he sings and raps and he’s terribly good at both. I don’t think I’ll be able to rap as well as he can, but we’re pretty even when it comes to vocals, I think.
He’s quiet when we’re in a big group but when it’s just the few of us, he turns into a completely different person. I haven’t felt so at ease since I joined the company. Sorry, I just realised I’ve gone completely off-tangent. Sorry in advance to whoever reads this page!
We practiced three songs today and I worked on my thirds today. The vocal trainer said that I had the right idea, but needed to project more comfortably next time. I’ll be sure to keep her words in mind when I work on fourths and fifths.
The older trainee, Chris, approached me to join his group for the next monthly evaluation. I hope it goes well. He’s a little scary but he gives good advice. And his group always does well.
That’s all for today. I’ll write more soon. Thank you.
A photograph.
Caption: Boys Project Team March 2017!
A group of kids smiling widely. Faces upturned to the small circle lens of the phone’s camera, fingers held up in peace signs and thumbs ups.
One boy’s arm is around Seungmin’s shoulders. His name is Chris, and they’d only properly met when Seungmin had been asked to be part of his team for monthly evaluation. Their team had scored exceedingly well, and Chris had wanted a photograph for all of them to commemorate.
Chris, beaming wildly at the camera. Seungmin towards the middle, smiling with a little more composure. And, on his other side, an older boy with a sharp grin whose name Seungmin still hasn’t caught, who’d had his solo dance evaluation right before theirs. Chris had asked to stay behind to hang out with them, something rather ambitious shining behind his eyes.
Behind them are Jisung, who’d welcomed Seungmin in like a long-lost brother. Jeongin, whose purple-banded braces gleam in the flash from the camera. Hyunjin, head tilted like a puppy as he leans against Changbin, who’s stuck the tip of his finger against his cheek cutely. And Felix, on Chris’ other side, all ecstatic energy despite him barely understanding a word Seungmin had attempted to say to him during practices.
It’s the first group Seungmin has ever felt like he’s belonged in. Maybe there’s something to it.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #87
Notebook, blue, spiral binding. Page seventy-three.
Hello,
Today I didn’t have any singing practice, but I had dance practice. I still can’t do tricks like some of the other trainees, and it’s frustrating, but the dance trainer told me to keep trying. I’ll do my best. I’ll keep trying.
I met another trainee today who’s really good at dancing. His name’s Lee Minho and he’s from Gimpo and I think the company’s considering putting him into the project group. I hope they do. We didn’t get to talk much, but he let me show him around the company building because he’s still new.
I should ask him for dance tips. I wonder if he’ll help me. I know some of the other trainees are really reluctant to give tips away sometimes because it could mean the difference between debuting or not. But Lee Minho seems like a decent guy.
I practiced four songs today, and worked on my breath control. Tomorrow I’ll practice the same songs and report back on any improvements.
That’s all for today. I’ll write more soon. Thank you.
practice test - send to kim seungmin
Format: MPEG-4
Length: 00:16:17
A practice room, well-met. Wooden floors that shudder with each step, mirrors echoing their every move. Lights that blink in and out. A solid circular clock on the wall that reads eleven twenty-eight.
The music shuts off.
Seungmin braces the heels of his hands on his knees, and catches the breath that threatens to pedal away from him on legs just as unsteady as his. Reels it back in, and swallows just hard enough to ask, “Again?”
“Again,” Minho says, voice low but firm. It travels in the space between them and picks Seungmin back up by the shoulders and smoothens the line of tension out of his spine. “You’re doing better.”
“Thanks.” Seungmin gives him a nod. “Really. Thank you.”
Dancing has never been his strongest point. He’d become a trainee by virtue of his voice, and dancing had come after.
For Minho, it’d been the other way around.
Naturally, they’d gravitated towards each other, two opposites looking for a way to come balanced. To get their feet firmly on the ground before anybody else could. To become part of the group first.
They have to.
Moon rise, night fall. The clock ticks down, and the squeak of their sneakers that comes with each deliberate step against hardwood is what keeps them awake as they go on.
“Wait—I think we’ve got enough recorded to look over for later.”
Minho jogs over to his phone, and lets his thumb brush over the stop button.
Stray Kids (2017), Episode 1
Production: JYP Entertainment, CJ E&M, Studio Take One
Distributor: Mnet
데뷔조 강력 후보 2 - 남자 프로젝트 팀은 누구?
Length: 00:51:19
A practice room, well-met.
Lights, cameras, a dozen staff members. Two rows of kids wearing clothes that don’t belong to them, with faces they’re yet to grow into, all nervous smiles and careful glances.
They chorus:
“Hello, we're the Boys Project Team!”
“—ject Team,” Changbin ends, a touch too late, and Seungmin can’t stifle his grin as everyone shoots Changbin looks of amusement and embarrassment at this being their first official greeting in the public eye.
He misses the next cue, and comes back to focus as the next question is posed to them.
Chris—or Chan now, Seungmin supposes, he’s Chan now and not Chris and it’s a weird feeling to have to call him that even though Chan is easier, it just isn’t quite him yet, not yet—is talking about how he’s been here the longest, when Seungmin glances across the group and catches Minho’s gaze for a fleeting second.
Minho’s eyes barely meet his before they’re scraping away to look back towards the camera, but Seungmin had seen it. It’s the same excitement that’s bubbling, rising, lifting in his throat alongside a thousand other emotions that Seungmin can’t even begin to name.
They’re the Boys Project Team. The final one.
They're here.
A memory, distant and foggy.
Minho doesn’t cry. Seungmin knows that. Minho doesn’t cry, Minho would sooner close an iron clamp around his own heart than allow himself to cry in front of anyone else, but Minho is crying.
Minho is crying, but Minho doesn’t cry, and Seungmin doesn’t know what to do.
He doesn’t know what to do.
They’re allowed to go home—as much as the dorms can be their home, anyway—after filming ends, and everyone steers clear of Minho, wanting to give him space. Wanting to see what will happen before they finally decide to approach him, tender and uncertain.
Seungmin doesn’t want that.
Minho doesn’t meet his eyes when he shoulders into the room, attempting to be braver than he really is. The air is muggy, full of disquiet. Seungmin unsticks his feet, and pads over to where Minho’s sitting on his bunk, sliding down next to him.
He doesn’t know if he’s allowed this, they barely know each other, Minho’s only been a trainee for so long and now he’s—it can’t be over, it can’t—
Seungmin takes a breath, and takes Minho’s hand, tucking their fingers together.
Minho’s head shoots up. Eyes rimmed red, voice distant when he says, “Did I say you could?”
“Shut up,” Seungmin says, muted and trembling with rage, “shut the fuck up.”
Minho makes a sound like he’s been hurt, and bows over onto Seungmin’s shoulder.
He doesn’t make Seungmin let go. He doesn’t let go, either.
They don’t let go of each other for the rest of the night.
It is the first and only time for years to come.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #325
Notebook, green, spiral binding. Inside back cover.
We did it we did it we did it we did it we did it we did it we did it
All of us
I can’t write a full entry today but I’ll gather my thoughts tomorrow and write them down properly
We did it
We’re Stray Kids
JYP ENTERTAINMENT EXCLUSIVE ARTIST-AGENCY CONTRACT
Contract Number: 65-#6701
This contract is made and entered into by and between JYP Entertainment Corporation, hereafter called the Agency and Kim Seungmin, hereinafter called the Artist. The Agency warrants that it has full rights and authority to represent the Artist, and that every part thereof is free from any conflicting rights of others, including licenses, patents, and copyrights.
Now, therefore, in consideration of the foregoing premises and the mutual convenience hereinafter set forth and other valuable consideration, the parties hereto agree as follows:
APPOINTMENT
The Artist appoints the Agent to act as his or her exclusive representative;
In the following geographical area: […]
For the markets listed here: […]
The Agent shall negotiate the terms of any assignment that is offered, but the Artist shall have the right to reject any assignment if he or she finds the terms thereof unacceptable […]
TERM
This agreement shall take effect on […] and remain in full force and effect for a term of 5 years unless terminated as provided in Section 9.
[...]
AMENDMENTS AND MERGER
All amendments to this agreement must be in writing. This Agreement incorporates the entire understanding of the parties.
GOVERNING LAW
This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of the Republic of Korea.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, each party to this agreement has caused it to be executed at JYP Entertainment (Headquarters) on the date indicated above.
Artist's Signature
Kim Seungmin
(Authorised Signature)
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #376
Notebook, yellow, double-loop binding. Page forty-two.
Hello,
We had our first big fight in the dorms today. It was over something really silly, too. Changbin-hyung accidentally broke Jeongin’s new head-phones by sitting on them. It would’ve been fine if Changbin-hyung hadn’t kept insisting that it was Jeongin’s fault for leaving them on the sofa. Jeongin got even madder and they just kept arguing. And then their fighting woke Chan-hyung up, who’d still been sleeping because he came back late from the company last night, and he’d come out from his room looking super annoyed and that ended everything, but Jeongin and Changbin-hyung are still sulking and Chan-hyung’s giving them the cold shoulder because he’s still tired but can’t go back to sleep now.
Anyway, it’s all really silly, and they’ll make up tomorrow and forget about it, I’m sure. That’s how things always go.
I really like living together with everyone. Especially since we got to move into the new dorms with more space for everything, and I got more pillows because Hyunjin didn’t want his anymore. The bathroom is bigger, and we have a tub now.
We’re supposed to be switching rooms every year, so that’ll be fun, I think. I hope I get to room with Minho-hyung eventually. He seems really easy to room with.
Tonight I practiced for an hour. I’ll practice more tomorrow, it’s just that so much happened today.
That’s all for today. I’ll try to write more soon. I’ve been slacking a little but we’ve been so busy. I’ll write a longer entry tomorrow night.
A photograph.
Caption: It looks pretty good!!
A plain white plate, IKEA-print. The smudge of sauce along the edge. A string of spaghetti curling off a curve, nearly touching the surface of a blue latex mat.
Thumbs up.
He hadn’t known Minho could cook. At least—not well. “You’ve been holding out on me,” Seungmin accuses, chin resting against the heel of his palm, elbow propped up on their wooden kitchen table as he watches Minho sedately stir enough pasta in a pot for slightly more than a single person. It’s one of their off-days, and everyone else is either out with friends or out with family except for the two of them. “All of us, actually.”
Minho shrugs, and asks, “You want some spaghetti or what?”
He cooks. He plates. He sets it on the table, and Seungmin takes a photo to remember the moment. “The day you cooked for me!” he proclaims gleefully, ignoring the way Minho’s eyes roll so far back into his head that he looks possessed.
“For me,” Minho corrects, “I cooked for me. There’s just extra that you can have. Because I made too much.”
“Minho-hyung cooked for me,” Seungmin repeats to himself in a whisper, taking one last photo. “I’m never gonna forget it.”
Minho snorts. “You’d better not,” he says. There’s amusement within the curl of each syllable, giving away his pretense of annoyance of having Seungmin around.
Seungmin tucks the sound of his voice away, and digs in.
SKZ KaTalk Room
After the 2018 Soribada Best K-Music Awards.
chris
honestly i can’t start to describe how proud i am of every one of you thanks so much for working so hard this is only the beginning for us
hyune
go to sleep u already told us like 5 times its 4 in the morning
we love u too btw
in
i cant believe we won a real award. hyung do we all get copies of it or what
han
idk ask the staff tmrw
i want a tiny version so i can carry it around with me everywhere and when people ask what it is im gonna tell them its an award that we got for being fucking awesome
hyune
i guess that’s technically what rookie of the year is right
binnie
GO TO SLEEP
in
put your phone on silent we’re busy
binnie
i hate u all
seungmin
can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. thanks guys
felix lee
[molang heart sticker]
[ryan dancing sticker]
[muzi thumbs up sticker]
lino
you know we have practice tomorrow
han
shit do we really
we just won an award tho
binnie
sleep. now
seungmin
goodnight dream of our award everyone
han
our award for being AWESOME
chris
[thumbs up emoji]
A text.
eomma, minho-hyung is sick and i thought i’d make that juk you make when we’re sick sometimes, can i have the recipe please?
Two post-it notes, hurriedly written.
3/4 cup rice
5 cups water
soy sauce
chicken
jujube
pine nuts
- boil chicken and shred
- wash and rinse rice
- put rice water pine nuts and jujube into rice cooker
- cook on congee setting
- when cooked stir with spoon
- put chicken and soy sauce in
Several more texts.
thank you eomma it helped a lot
he’s feeling a bit better now i made him eat the juk and some medicine
he’s not allowed to get out of bed for the rest of the day he’s been so stubborn he only took the medicine after i said he had to and i had to make sure he was drinking water regularly and he doesn’t want to go to the clinic
ok i’ll let you know how he’s feeling later
thank you goodnight
[MPD직캠] 스트레이 키즈 1위 앵콜 직캠 4K 'MIROH' (Stray Kids FanCam No.1 Encore) | @MCOUNTDOWN_2019.4.4
Length: 00:08:19
A group of stunned, crying boys standing in a single line.
Chan is speaking, he’s saying words that Seungmin should probably be listening to but all he can hear is the sound of his own heart thumping wildly in his chest because they’ve just won first place.
They won. After so long—after months of hoping, of waiting—
Seungmin’s smiling, but the tears are free-falling down his face even as he does, and they’re not stopping, not even when Minho tugs him close and puts a hand on his arm and pats his shoulder and murmurs, “Hey,” with that smile that says that he can’t quite believe it either.
And the fans are cheering and Chan is still talking and Seungmin tips his head back, willing the tears to stop coming, but they won’t stop and they can’t stop and he’s about given up on holding them back when Minho’s sleeve comes up to gently ghost over his wet cheek.
Minho’s presence keeps him rooted in the moment, his touch bleeding warmth despite Seungmin wearing a jacket. He just stands there by Seungmin’s shoulder and holds on.
He holds on, and Seungmin lets himself cry, because he knows Minho’s got him.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #415
Notebook, yellow, double-loop binding. Page eighty-eight.
Hello,
It feels weird to have switched rooms again after staying in the same one for so long, but I think our current arrangement works well. Jisung and Jeongin are in the same room now. Chan-hyung moved into the top bunk of Changbin-hyung and Felix’s room, and I’m sharing with Hyunjin and Minho-hyung.
Hyunjin’s a good roommate. He doesn’t leave stuff lying around too much, but he stays up pretty late. He’s the opposite of Minho-hyung—he sleeps super early. Sometimes he’ll pull the blackout curtains around his bed and go to bed even though Hyunjin and I are still up. Yesterday I convinced Hyunjin that we should go sit in the living room if we’re not asleep yet so that Minho-hyung can rest, and I turned the light off for him.
Minho-hyung’s a good roommate too. He keeps his side of the room well, and he doesn’t mind when I watch baseball games on my phone even when I can’t find my earphones. He doesn’t really care about baseball, but he only ever complains if the announcers get too loud.
I’m feeling a bit tired from practice today, so I’ll end this entry soon. I don’t know if the vocal trainers will want to read this, but I’ll log it anyway.
I practiced three songs today, not including group vocal practice.
That’s all for now. I’ll write again soon. Thank you.
A photograph.
Caption: you’re not allowed to tell anyone else
Paper cup, gently smoking. Small fingers, curled around the cupholder. Paper box, gently displayed. One hand tucked into the handle, one below to keep it steady.
Minho, just barely looking at the camera. Seungmin, eyes wide as he smiles.
A latte, warm in the winter air. Green tea cake, just the right side of fluffy.
“It’s a Green Tea Bon Delicieux,” Seungmin corrects, tucking his jacket around himself a little tighter.
“It’s castella,” Minho says. The door to the bakery closes behind them with the fairy-tinkle of a bell. “That’s cake. It’s green tea cake.”
“Your name’s Minho, but I don’t go around calling you a bag of bone-flesh.”
“Number one: what the fuck.” Minho raises an eyebrow. “And, number two: it’s cake.”
Seungmin sniffs. “The utter disrespect. You’re not getting any.”
“Sucks to be me,” Minho sighs, warming his hands around his drink.
Seungmin steals a longing glance over, suddenly wishing he’d gotten a hot coffee too, if only for the heat. He’d forgotten to wear gloves out, and he can’t fit the box in the pocket of his coat.
Then, Minho stops in his tracks, and takes the box from Seungmin’s hands without any preamble, giving him the coffee cup. “Here,” he says, and Seungmin blinks at him. “The coffee’s heavier. You can carry it.”
Heat soaks into his skin.
“Sure,” Seungmin murmurs, and he watches Minho handle the box with care despite just dissing it a few moments ago. His chest suddenly feels just as warm as his hands do. “Gotta save your strength.”
“Of course,” Minho says. “I have to carry you during practice later, don’t I?”
Seungmin snorts. “Come on. I’ve improved. Haven’t I?”
Minho doesn’t even look at him. “You don’t have to ask that.” The corner of his mouth quirks up. “You’re better than you think you are, Kim Seungmin.”
A long pause. Someone on a bicycle passes them by. A car honks.
“Thanks for coming with me,” Seungmin says eventually. “Don’t tell the others I brought you here.”
Minho grins. “What, is it a secret? Hoarding all the good cake for yourself?”
Seungmin laughs. “Sort of,” he says. “I just… I wanted to keep something for myself, you know. Since we share basically everything else. I just liked the idea of finding a place that only I knew about. Just for a little while, anyway—I’ll probably tell the others about it soon.”
Minho shoots him a glance. “You shared it with me, though.”
“Yeah,” Seungmin says. His breath escapes him in an unfurling twist of mist. “I did.”
Their feet crunch along the leaf-covered pavement. Minho takes a tiny side-step, bumps Seungmin’s shoulder, and says, “I won’t tell.”
(And he doesn’t.)
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #461
Notebook, purple, double-loop binding. Page twenty-five.
Hello,
It’s crazy to think that the new song and the album are doing so well. I almost can’t believe it after everything that’s happened.
Sometimes I hate him for leaving. But he made us stronger, for what it’s worth. We’re stronger together like this.
I’m really happy. The whole group is really happy.
Today I practiced for three hours, and after that we had a group practice for the M Countdown live stage tomorrow.
That’s all for now. I’ll write more tomorrow after I monitor tomorrow’s performance. I know the trainers don’t read these entries anymore, but I enjoy keeping them more than I thought I would.
I’ll write again soon.
[V-LIVE] FANSHIP
Length: 00:37:19
Seventeen minutes and eighteen seconds in.
“It hit 100 million views!”
“Did it? Why can’t I refresh it? Wait.”
“Did it really?”
“See, it went up by a thousand.”
“Right.”
“It went up by a thousand, we’ve got four thousand to go.”
“Did that fan lie?”
A pause.
“Wait—oh, oh—OH! 100 MILLION VIEWS!”
The camera begins to shake violently, blurring all eight screaming kids out of sight.
Ticket stubs.
Jamsil Baseball Stadium, Seoul.
--------------------------------------------------
Lotte Giants vs Doosan Bears
2020년 10월 24일 18:30
1층 114구역 11열 8번 30,000원 신용카드
테이블석(1인)
성인 Kim Seungmin
1950628285
20201024-T12493-K100-102 (2/6)
2851068319
--------------------------------------------------
Lotte Giants vs Doosan Bears
2020년 10월 24일 18:30
1층 114구역 11열 9번 30,000원 신용카드
테이블석(1인)
성인 Lee Minho
1250619685
20201024-T12493-K100-102 (2/6)
1551068319
--------------------------------------------------
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #512
Journal, light-blue, side stitch binding. Page one.
Hello,
My sister got me a new journal. It has Pochacco on it. She said she got it because Pochacco reminds her of me. I think his floppy ears are cute, so that’s okay.
I didn’t get to practice today, but it was my off-day anyway, so I think it was okay. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Minho-hyung lately. Today, too.
He invited me over to his house. I’d never been to his house before. I don’t think any of the other members have been to his house before either. He was gonna hang out with his friends but they were busy, and my friends were all busy too, studying for university exams, and I asked Minho-hyung where he was gonna go and he said “Home,” so I said to have fun and to tell his family I said hello, and he did that thing where he pauses for a long time without saying anything.
Then, he said, “Come with me.”
His house is nice. It’s messy, but in a cosy sort of way. Like it’s been lived in really well, and for a long time. I could imagine Minho-hyung growing up here with his parents, and running around, and sitting on the comfy couch that he let me sit on with the coffee he made me when we got there. I really liked it a lot.
I got to meet Soonie, Doongie and Dori too. Minho-hyung made me apologise for forgetting their names and the fact that two of them existed, and I did. Mostly because I wanted to pet the cats, but also because Minho-hyung still hasn’t gotten over it. That was two years ago. I can’t believe him.
The cats were really soft and ate treats off my hands. Dori crawled into my lap and sat down and I think Minho-hyung had an aneurysm seeing that happen. “Dori usually doesn’t do that with strangers,” he’d said all disbelieving.
So I replied, “But I’m not a stranger,” and his face did something complicated. I think he just forgot who I was for a moment. That happens, sometimes.
We had dinner after that and we played with the cats a little while longer and we watched TV until Minho-hyung’s parents got home. They were really nice too. They said I could stay over if I wanted to, but I didn’t bring anything along, so I said next time, maybe.
“There’s no next time,” Minho-hyung told me when we were going home. “Take that off your list.”
“It’s too late,” I said to him. “The cats already love me and your parents have adopted me. You’re stuck with me now. Forever.”
Minho-hyung made a face at the thought, but I don’t think he really minded.
I don’t think he minded at all.
데키라 축하사절단 with 리노&승민 (Stray Kids) full ver. /[DAY6의 키스 더 라디오] ㅣ KBS 201124 방송
Length: 00:33:51
Four walls, soundproofed, a studio room. One wooden table, two glass panels, three condenser microphones, four screens, five beats for Seungmin to make himself settle down as music plays in his headphones.
“—Stray Kids!” There’s clapping, a bit of victory music, and then Young K is continuing right away, “Hello, welcome, it’s a viewable radio today, please look at the camera and greet the viewers.”
“Right—” Seungmin says, just as Minho says, “Yes,” and Seungmin glances over at him with a sheepish smile, allowing him to go ahead.
Minho takes the lead in stride, leading the charge since he’s the oldest between the two of them. They dip easily into their usual group greetings, and then Minho introduces himself, and then Seungmin, who accidentally bumps the back of his hand into the pop filter of his microphone, hands nervous still.
It’s not the first time both of them have been sent to speak at an event before, but it’s different now. They’re expected to talk far more, expected to be active and entertaining the entire time, and the thought of it weighs down heavily on Seungmin’s shoulders. He prides himself on being able to put his words together well before he lets them out into the world, but having to do this every week—having to stay on his toes and be on top of the script and anything that Young K or the radio writers toss them—
Below the table, a hand falls onto his thigh. It could almost be a casual gesture, almost. But, Minho leaves his hand there even as he’s replying to something Young K’s just asked him. He curls his fingers loosely over Seungmin’s knee and times the release and grip of his hand to his own breathing and lets Seungmin ground himself in it.
When it ends, he doesn’t mention it. It’s fine. He knows that he doesn’t need to.
He would’ve done the same for him.
FaceTime
Length: 00:40:04
JUNSEOK: They’re struggling.
HUISANG: It’s—they’re just inconsistent. Offensively.
JUNSEOK: No, they suck.
HUISANG: [whining] They don’t!
SEUNGMIN: Give up. They actually do suck this year. It’s embarrassing. I couldn’t even say their name in a livestream earlier when someone asked about them.
MINGI: I should’ve stayed an Eagles fan.
SEUNGMIN: Not like they’re any better. Didn’t they have a .320 on-base percentage last year?
MINGI: How do you remember that? I hate you.
SEUNGMIN: I guess I’m not paying for lunch on Saturday then.
MINGI: Hey, hey, hey—have I said that you’re my best friend recently? Huh? C’mon. Who’s the best? You’re the best. I’ll vote for Stray Kids.
SEUNGMIN: In what?
MINGI: [dubiously] Yeah.
JUNSEOK: Hey, did I mention that I finally got Jinhee to go out with me?
MINGI: Dude! Finally!
SEUNGMIN: Where are you two gonna go?
JUNSEOK: A cafe probably, I haven’t decided—
SEUNGMIN: Does she like cats?
JUNSEOK: I guess?
SEUNGMIN: There’s this place, like—you know where the place is, where we went the last time we all met—two streets down, there’s a cat cafe. It’s a good place to take someone.
JUNSEOK: [thoughtfully] A good place for a date, huh? What, do you know from experience?
SEUNGMIN: […]
HUISANG: I can’t believe you didn’t tell us. What the hell. You’re seeing someone? Is that legal? Isn’t your company gonna like, fire you?
SEUNGMIN: [hurriedly] I’m not seeing anyone, what the hell. I went there with another one of the members.
MINGI: Right.
HUISANG: Right.
JUNSEOK: Right. Okay. Which one?
SEUNGMIN: The one who likes cats.
HUISANG: The one you’re like, divorced from?
SEUNGMIN: […]
JUNSEOK: Do you two—
SEUNGMIN: Hey, did anyone watch the Tigers v Twins game? What did you think about Oh Jihwan’s production?
[pause]
MINGI: He was alright.
A photograph.
Caption: almost had to drag a wet dog home
Gentle illumination along a river. The quiet flow of water around heavy-set boulders, placed as a path across two points. The cover of trees, and the soft chatter of people further away.
Seungmin, halfway to slipping off a rock and right into the water, letting out a loud laugh when he manages to steady himself again.
“Get back over here!” Minho yells, laughing too. His phone’s in his hand, and Seungmin’s certain he’s taken at least ten photos and a video of Seungmin’s absolutely disastrous attempt at crossing the river along the boulder path. “I’m not gonna be liable for you drowning or cracking your skull open, alright.”
A hop, and another jump, and Seungmin’s knees wobble as he makes contact with solid ground again. “I thought I’d do better than Felix at least,” he grumbles, and Minho snorts. “He almost fell in too, in the vlog he filmed.”
“You’re both terrible,” Minho says, eyes fixed on Seungmin. “At least you’re not as hyper as Felix. Chan-hyung gets to deal with that.”
“At least Chan-hyung would save me from dying,” Seungmin counters.
“Hey. I’d save you,” Minho says. He pauses. “Do you have life insurance?”
Seungmin punches him lightly in the shoulder, and Minho fakes a cry.
It’s the first time they’ve gotten to go out like this at night in a while, unsupervised by managers. They’d done a good job at Dekira just a while ago, and had wheedled their managers into dropping them off somewhere to take a walk.
Seungmin’s needed this. He’s been going a little stir-crazy being shuttled between the dorms to the company building to their schedules all day, every day.
Minho stops in his tracks, and points. “Look,” he says, stock-still, “a cat.”
Seungmin glances over, and sure enough, there’s a fuzzy tabby hanging out by a bench. Minho’s already digging into his pockets for the sausage he hadn’t finished eating, the one he’d bought from a stall nearby when they first arrived, and picking off a tiny bit as he steps closer to the cat.
“Hello,” Minho says, and he crouches down, holding the piece of meat out on his hand. The cat notices him, and trails along the back of the bench, letting out a mewl. “You want some? I’ll leave this here for you.”
Seungmin approaches cautiously. He doesn’t want to make the cat run away.
The cat blinks gleaming yellow eyes up at him, and decides that it does want the food after all. It slinks over to Minho, and Minho holds his hand out for the cat to sniff, before giving it the little bit of sausage.
“Good cat,” Minho whispers, reaching out to pet the cat. There’s a gentle smile on his face that makes something in Seungmin’s chest twist to see. Something about the way he’s treating the cat, like it’s no different from his own. Like there’s more love in him to give than he’s aware of himself. “That’s it.”
Seungmin finds himself dipping down beside Minho too, tearing off a tiny piece of his own sausage, and holding it out. “Hi,” he greets, and the cat seems to think of him as friendly too, taking it and then winding around his ankles. “Hey, oh—hello.”
“It likes you,” Minho says, and Seungmin looks up to see Minho watching him. For some reason, the smile on his face hasn’t changed yet even though he’s speaking to Seungmin. “What kind of dog are you that cats like you so much, huh?”
“Meong meong,” Seungmin replies, and the cat meows in response, making them both grin. “Maybe I’m just very likable.”
“Maybe,” Minho says, letting out a huff. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
Seungmin holds a hand out to help Minho up, and Minho takes it.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #586
Journal, light-blue, side stitch binding. Page fifty-eight.
I think I like Minho-hyung more than I should.
And I think he might like me too.
messing around in the stray kitchen
Format: MPEG-4
Length: 00:11:49
A room with a view—the view from the microwave.
Minho flits about the kitchen, tending to something that’s on the stove. There’s a hairband on his head pushing his bangs up and off his forehead. He steps back to reveal that there’s steak and vegetables in a pan, smoke gently wafting up towards the exhaust hood.
Across the kitchen, Seungmin comes into frame, padding over in his pyjamas and oversized shirt that he’d worn to bed. He leans in over Minho’s shoulder, and asks, “What’s that?”
“Food,” Minho answers, matter-of-fact, and turns his head to look up at Seungmin, not realising just how close Seungmin’s leaned in.
Sizzle-crackle-pop, goes the frying pan. Like a still-frame, they stand there, frozen in some strange moment of uncertainty.
Seungmin can’t help himself, tongue darting out to lick at his dry lips nervously. Minho’s eyes chase the motion, before returning to meet Seungmin’s eyes, his own mouth fallen slightly open.
Then, Minho pushes back on his toes, and steps away, and the moment breaks. “You can have some later,” he murmurs, voice barely picked up by his phone. “Go shower.”
“Okay,” Seungmin says, swaying back. He stands there for a few more moments, before making his way out the same way he’d come in.
He doesn’t stop thinking about it for days.
A series of photographs.
Thousands of people, hands and voices raised in one. All of them, everywhere around the world.
Laughter caught in stop motion. Felix’s arm slung over Jeongin’s shoulder as they fly over the stage together.
Flashing lights, red and white. Changbin slumped over the one arm of a leather sofa, Jisung over the other, and Chan with a lazy grin, a remote in one hand.
Sharp lines, angles that make sense only when spoken in dancer’s speech. Minho is lit by a handful of dazzling white stage lamps, casting no shadows. Beside him is Hyunjin, the graceful curve of his body illuminated in the very same way.
Seungmin, looking out over the crowd, microphone to his lips as he sings.
All of them standing in a line, holding back their tears.
And then, all of them huddled together in a circle. Arms thrown over shoulders, tucked around waists, curled into shirts. Pulling at each other until they’re close, so close that they can barely breathe—but Seungmin doesn’t think he could breathe without them anyway.
(It’s been a year, and it’s true now.
Hand in hand, they’ll always be one crew, now.)
A memory, unwarranted.
He hears the thump before he sees it.
Seungmin sticks his head out of his blankets to see Minho slumped over on the floor, and the fog clears instantly. He practically leaps out to get over to Minho, who’s breathing heavily, rubbing at his eyes with his fists. There’s sweat streaking down his temples, and a redness rising on his cheeks that Seungmin can’t stop staring at.
“Don’t,” Minho whispers, seeing Seungmin about to ask what happened, gaze flicking up to Hyunjin’s bunk. Hyunjin’s still fast asleep, and hadn’t heard Minho’s fall, his AirPods still in. “It’s fine. I had a bad dream.”
“A nightmare.” Seungmin’s voice is barely above the volume of a breath. “You want a glass of water?”
Minho shakes his head. “Bed,” he says, sounding embarrassed. “Could you—”
Seungmin doesn’t say a word, carefully hoisting Minho to his feet and leading him back to the edge of his bed. Minho just sits in place for a moment, letting his breathing settle before he turns to get back under the sheets.
He doesn’t get far before Seungmin’s sliding in next to him, drawing the blackout curtain around the bunk. “Get out,” Minho says, voice quiet, on edge.
“No,” Seungmin says, making himself comfortable on one side of Minho’s pillow. “What if you have another dream?”
“And, what, you’re going to stop me from falling out of my own bed?”
Above them, Hyunjin lets out a soft snore.
“Sure,” Seungmin says. “Now sleep.”
Minho stares at him until he’s absolutely certain Seungmin’s not going anywhere, and then lies down with a grumble. There’s a few inches of distance between them that Minho very determinedly keeps. Seungmin doesn’t bother moving closer either, keeping his hands to himself.
Slowly, Minho’s shoulders begin to droop, and Seungmin counts the number of beats it takes him to finally fall asleep again. It doesn’t take long. Minho had been tired from dance practice earlier, and they’d all come home late.
Seungmin’s about to drift off when Minho tenses up again, and his head tosses sideways. He’s not awake, though. He’s dreaming again, and almost elbows Seungmin in the solar plexus when he moves close—but Seungmin catches him around the middle, and slots himself along Minho’s back, keeping him still.
Minho doesn’t wake, but his breath starts to even out again.
Seungmin doesn’t let go even after he’s fallen asleep again. “Goodnight,” he mumbles, letting himself have this just for once. Getting to hold Minho close, getting to be the one that anchors him, this time.
They don’t talk about it the next morning, not even as Seungmin’s extricating himself from Minho’s sheets. But Minho makes an extra coffee and sets it out for Seungmin, and doesn’t protest when Seungmin wants to watch a game on the television even when it’s supposed to be Minho’s time to watch a movie.
That night, Minho leaves enough space on one side of his bed for one other person to lie down before he sleeps.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #614
Journal, light-blue, side stitch binding. Page ninety-two.
I should just do it. Shouldn’t I?
If he’s not going to, I will.
I’m not scared. I’m not. Am I?
I’m scared.
It’s fine. I’m going to do it.
If he won’t then I will, and I don’t change my mind on things like these. I know him, and I know me. Don’t I? I do. Of course I do. I’m Kim Seungmin.
I’m going to do it.
A memory, simple.
In the end, it isn’t particularly dramatic. There’s no lead up, there’s no warning.
Seungmin clambers into Minho’s bunk, makes him put his phone away, and sits between his knees to kiss him.
Minho lets out a soft, sweet sound, and kisses him back.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #736
Journal, light-blue, side stitch binding. Page one hundred and thirty-three.
Hello,
I practiced today but during a V-LIVE instead of alone. It went on for longer than I expected but it was fun to sing for STAY today. I wonder if Minho-hyung will be mad at me for breaking his record for longest V-LIVE. If he tries to get the record back, then I’ll just have to do an even longer one.
That’s just the way it works.
Songs I practiced today:
Love Again - Baekhyun
WA-R-R - Colde
less of you - keshi
Tried to walk - B1A4
Everglow - Coldplay
Take A Bow - Rihanna
Love Scene - Baekhyun
I Like Me Better - Lauv
Run With Me - Sunwoojunga
Rain - Paul Kim
Time Walking on Memories - NELL
Drunken Confession - Feel
I Don't Love You - Urban Zakapa
Ex - Stray Kids (our song!)
Youngblood - 5 Seconds of Summer
comethru - Jeremy Zucker
something between us - george
Day 1 - HONNE
Amusement Park - Baekhyun
Circles - Post Malone
Workaholic - BOL4
Side Effects - Stray Kids (our song again!)
look at me - george
When We Were Young - Adele
Garden In The Air - Baekhyun
[...]
A memory, quiet in remembrance.
They’ve fought before, but not like this.
Not to the point where every word feels genuinely, intentionally vicious. Not until Seungmin’s composure fractures completely and he screams his throat hoarse. Not like this, until Minho is storming out of the dorms, so angry that he almost cracks the hinge of a door that he slams on the way out.
It’s that sound, like the sudden whip of lightning across the sky, that brings Seungmin out of his shocked daze, that makes him realise that Minho has actually left and hasn’t said where he’s going and when he’s coming back—whether he’s coming back—and maybe it’s Seungmin’s fault, maybe he shouldn’t have gotten angry, but Minho had started it first—and maybe they just can’t work, maybe everyone was right to peg them as two people who could never work out together because now he doesn’t know if they can, and it hurts, and—
Seungmin ignores Jeongin knocking on the door in concern, and clamps down on his lower lip as hot, fat tears roll down his face. He’s not going to be seen like this, not by the others.
They’ve fought before, but not like this. Like it’s final.
Seungmin knows it’s not. His temper is notoriously fiery but lasts about as long as a Catherine wheel does. He knows that he’ll calm down in a little while and he’ll probably feel emphatically ashamed and horrified and guilty—but, Minho.
Minho’s temper isn’t like his.
What if—and he doesn’t even want to consider, but what if Minho hates him—
It’s a silly thought. He knows it’s silly, but he can’t help but think it anyway.
Seungmin wipes at his face, and sucks a breath in, over and over again until he’s stopped crying. It takes a while, but he finally gets it together until all that’s left is a churning anxiety, tinged with ever increasing numbness. He gets up, opens the door and ignores Jeongin and Jisung’s curious looks, and the wary way that Changbin’s watching him from the kitchen table.
It’s like autopilot, the way he moves. He goes to the coffee maker.
His hands move without him really thinking about it. Get the bag of coffee beans, the good coffee, the dark roast that they rarely use because it’s expensive and not all of them prefer it. Get the mug off the shelf, the little cat mug with the cat stirrer that someone had bought on a whim after a sleepy Saturday afternoon stuck in the dorms and too many unwise online shopping decisions. No milk, just a bit of sugar.
The coffee stops pouring. Seungmin stares down at the cup, at the smiling cat stirrer.
It’s the way Minho takes his coffee. It looks perfect.
Seungmin brings the mug to the table where Changbin is sitting, and sits down beside him.
Changbin lets out a soft exhale, and says, “He cares about you a lot, you know.”
“I know,” Seungmin says.
“And you care about him too,” Changbin adds, reaching over to rest a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder for just a moment. “It’s going to be fine.”
Seungmin doesn’t reply to that. He sits there, staring at the whorls in the wooden table and counting each little stripe on the cat mug as time passes and fades into the background.
The door opens, tentative.
Changbin slips away from his seat wordlessly, and footsteps approach the table. A box is set before him, barely making a sound. It’s marked Paris Baguette.
Seungmin swallows hard, not daring to look up. “I made coffee,” he whispers, “but it’s cold now.”
There’s a breath, almost sounding nervous. “I got green tea cake. But they only had one slice left.”
“It’s Green Tea Bon Delicieux,” Seungmin corrects, and Minho lets out a wet laugh. “Minho-hyung—”
“Seungmin-ah.” Minho twists his fingers together, and asks, “Walk?”
The coffee and castella are left on the table. They slip out of the house, and walk down to the park nearby. Past the rush of traffic, past the mass of pedestrians and cyclists. They walk until the loudest sound in their ears is the sound of their own footsteps.
Neither of them have said anything the entire time, and Seungmin doesn’t know if he can. The words are still stuck in his throat. I’m sorry, he thinks, I’m sorry for saying you don’t want this as much as I do.
Minho’s the first to speak. “I don’t ever want you to think,” he starts, voice sounding like it’s been raked over coals, “that I don’t want you.”
“I know that.” He’s not going to cry. Not again. Not here, in front of Minho. “I shouldn’t have said it.”
“You only said it because I haven’t shown it.”
Seungmin shakes his head. “You have,” he says, trembling. “You have, I was just… I was scared.”
Minho doesn’t ask, of what. Seungmin’s thankful that he doesn’t. He doesn’t think he could say it.
Say, of losing you.
Instead, Minho says, “Then, don’t let go.” And he holds his hand out.
Seungmin looks up at him, and allows himself to smile, hopeful.
Their fingers lace together, and warmth chases the misery of winter away.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #891
Notebook, dark green, saddle stitch binding. Page thirty-eight.
Hello,
Sometimes I wonder what love feels like. We’ve sung about it so much that I feel like I should know, but I don’t know if I do. I don’t know if it should be explosive, or all-consuming, or if it should be the only thing on my mind.
Sometimes I don’t feel any different at all.
Most of the time, I just think about the way Minho-hyung looks when he’s doing something he loves. Like dancing, or cooking. I think about the way his hands feel in mine. The way he protests when I climb into his bunk but lets me kiss him anyway and then smiles.
Maybe that’s love. I don’t know. It doesn’t quite seem like it, but I don’t know what else could be. It’s all I know.
If it is, then I think maybe he might love me, too.
A photograph.
No caption.
The glare of the sun, patching out half the photograph in a blinding blur even through the small gap in the curtains. A dark room, a quiet house.
Minho, head tilted towards Seungmin’s as he smiles. A rare open, earnest smile.
Seungmin, one hand cupping Minho’s chin, leaning in so close that the tips of their noses are brushing. He’s smiling too.
It’s not quite an admission, but it feels like one.
A phone call.
Seoul.
SEUNGMIN: I have to tell you something.
SEUNGMIN: [inaudible]
SEUNGMIN: You’ll still love me, right? Even if [inaudible]?
SEUNGMIN: […]
SEUNGMIN: I’m scared.
SEUNGMIN: […]
SEUNGMIN: Yes. [inaudible] I’m sorry. […] I should have told—sooner—
SEUNGMIN: [inaudible] love you too. Thank you. No—I’m sorry. Thank you. I’ll come home soon. Okay. Goodnight. Love you so much. Goodnight, eomma.
A memory, honey-sweet and slow.
The sheets underneath him. Warm hands under the backs of his thighs, moving to push his knees up against his chest. A kiss, slow and full of intent. The taste of coffee, of honey, of mint and something familiar. Hot and wet and sweet all in one. How wonderful it is, experiencing someone like this.
“Please,” he whispers, begs, prays.
Minho lets his lips brush over every part of Seungmin. Wrists, shoulders, chest. The backs of his knees, the small of his back. Parts his knees with gentle hands and swallows the ache that rises with the low moan in his throat when their lips meet once again. Minho doesn’t say a single thing beyond telling Seungmin where to move, and how to move, but he doesn’t have to. The way he touches Seungmin feels divine beyond what words could say.
Like worship.
Stray Kids Daesang Win Speech - Seoul Music Awards (SMA) 2025
Length: 00:04:11
“Thank you so much for this award,” Chan says into the microphone, beaming into the cameras, for anyone who will take his smile and fold it away in remembrance of the night. Consummate professional. Their leader in all. “We couldn’t have done it without STAY.”
On one end of the line, the side of Minho’s hand brushes against Seungmin’s.
Seungmin glances up to see the way Minho’s looking at him, eyes intense. Just the hint of a smile. The promise of this only being the first to come.
He lets his pinky hook around Minho’s, not saying a word.
Two kids, alone in a room with tears streaking down their faces, clutching each other’s hands for lack of a better anchor. They were those kids, and they’ll always be those kids, even now. Even now as they look out into the glittering darkness and realise just how far they’ve come since then.
Seungmin allows himself this, and tucks his hand deeper into Minho’s.
Minho lets him.
A series of photographs.
No captions.
The side of a black car, illuminated brightly and far-too-hot to the touch after being under the sun’s unending glare for just two hours. A suitcase pulled right up to the passenger’s side. Someone’s elbow, the rest of them out of frame.
Rice paddy field, number unknown of total unknown. It’s been field after field of rice paddies as Minho drives along the narrow roads, only now letting Seungmin pick what song he wants to play off Minho’s Melon playlist.
A signboard that says “Welcome!” along with the distant outline of several pensions and homestays in the background.
Minho midway through bowing to Seungmin’s parents and sister, who are looking at him with a fondness Seungmin has seen reflected in Minho’s own parents’ eyes towards him.
A complete blur. Seungmin had tripped.
Pretty white bowls of clean, classic bibimbap laid out across a table. A multitude of vibrance in the orange of carrots, sliced greens, the earthy brown of mushrooms, and the gooey yellow yolk of the egg placed perfectly atop each serving.
Bossam as a light snack. Freshly plucked and washed lettuce leaves next to a medium-sized plate of cut-up kimchi, next to a bowl of gochujang. All of these around a wooden platter, pork belly slices resting in a neat line by a chef’s knife.
Day-long simmered ox bone soup, milky-white and rich. “Please stop taking photos of the food,” Minho says. Seungmin ignores him, and pushes the bowl of seolleongtang closer to the japchae to get them both in camera view.
Two beds on either side of a room, a traditional crosshatch-framed papered window, a small closet for clothes to be hung. Both their bags have been set on the same bed.
More food.
Close-up. The curve of Minho’s cheek and Seungmin smiling against it. They’d snuck away from Seungmin’s family to explore the gardens, and ended up making out like teenagers, clutching each other close beneath the overhang of an ancient tree. They don’t return to the pension for hours.
Pinks, blues, reds, oranges. They stain the horizon as the sun sets upon the valley. Minho is sat by the window, silhouetted by the slowly ebbing light. He’s beautiful.
Seungmin’s sister making a silly face.
His parents, waving at the camera from where they’re sitting on the porch, drinks in hand.
Seungmin making a silly face.
Minho happily introducing animated Snow filters to Seungmin’s parents. “Oh God,” Seungmin mutters, hand over his eyes, “why.”
Even more photos of food.
The ceiling of their room high above them, and their outstretched hands.
Stretching out before them, the road as they make their way back to Seoul. Minho’s driving again, and this time he’s let Seungmin pick all the music. He looks relaxed, eyes soft behind his sunglasses. Seungmin leans over to press a kiss to his shoulder, and smiles when Minho doesn’t swat him away.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #1001
Notebook, dark green, saddle stitch binding. Page forty-nine.
Hello,
We didn’t have any schedules today. I went out with some friends, and then came home to have dinner with Hyunjin and Changbin-hyung. We had meat, and then we got coffee. The coffee was good. It reminded me of the coffee I had at Minho-hyung’s parents’ house a while ago.
We talked a little about how weird it feels to be older. I don’t think we really thought about it too much, but it’s been creeping up on all of us. On me. I’m turning twenty-six this year. I don’t feel twenty-six. Not at all.
Changbin’s looking forward to finally serving. Surprisingly, so is Hyunjin. I hadn’t thought he would, but he surprised me by saying it. Maybe it’s just that I’m not ready. I’m not ready to turn twenty-six and I’m not ready to think about enlisting.
I’m not really ready for anything. Minho-hyung likes to tease me and say that, sometimes, but there’s some truth in it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
Enlistment is soon.
I keep forgetting to write entries these days. I’ll try my best to remember next time. I wonder if I’ll keep a journal when I’m enlisted. Maybe I will, and I can share it with Minho-hyung when I come back, the same way I can share my journal with him for all the days he’ll have missed when he’s enlisted.
He might like that, I think.
It’s getting late. Minho-hyung’s already sleeping. It’s nice to have our own rooms now, but I miss when we roomed together, sometimes.
Anyway. I’ll write again soon.
A photograph.
Caption: Look at his head goooo
Minho, sporting a new buzzcut. Everyone else, standing around him with smiles.
He’s the first one to enlist. Chan’s Australian and will never give up his citizenship, too bound to his home country to ever truly leave it behind, and so Minho takes on the duty of being the oldest and first in the group to get his new fatigues and base placement.
It proceeds as planned. Chan makes a little speech about all of them waiting for Minho to come back, and Hyunjin only cries a little bit. Just a little. Changbin and Jeongin tell Minho he looks even uglier than before now, and Minho retorts that they can take over his place as ugliest in the group once he leaves.
(That part results in some light shoving.)
Felix clings to Minho and tells him that he’s going to try to send him things if they’ll allow him to receive any, and Jisung spends a long time talking to Minho on his own before Minho tugs him into a long hug. Jisung will probably feel his absence the most keenly of all of them.
Seungmin doesn’t say anything beyond a goodbye. They’d already spoken the night before.
“You shouldn’t miss me,” Seungmin had said, curled up beside Minho in his bed.
Minho had scoffed. Seungmin remembers the way his breath had felt, warm against his cheek. “I won’t.”
Seungmin’s response had been resolute. “Good.”
But right after, Minho had leaned in and kissed him for so long and so deeply that Seungmin still feels it the next day, still feels it as Minho’s crossing the gates with his bag slung over his shoulder, one last glance back towards his family, his friends, and them.
Their eyes meet, and the corner of Minho’s mouth quirks up.
Liar, Seungmin thinks, smiling back. Minho’s definitely going to miss him.
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #1475
Post-it note. Thirty-eighth in a stack.
I fed a stray cat on my own for the first time today. It reminded me of the time we fed that one by the river. It was the same colour too. Maybe it was the same cat after all?
Come home soon.
Billboard
Stray Kids’ Seungmin Climbs to No. 1 on Billboard 200 Albums Chart With His First Full Solo Album
Pop group Stray Kids is no stranger to chart-topping releases, with a smattering of hits ranking on the charts ever since the turn of the decade, and Kim Seungmin is no different. The main vocalist’s first full album effort, released via JYPE/Republic Records just days before his mandatory enlistment in the South Korean military, entered the charts earlier this week at No. 23, and experienced a slow but steady ascent over three days, finally reaching the top slot on Aug 9th.
The Billboard 200 chart ranks the most popular albums of the week in the U.S. based on multi-metric consumption as measured in equivalent album units. Units are comprised of traditional album sales, track equivalent albums (TEA) and streaming equivalent albums (SEA) […]
A phone call.
Yangju City, Gyeonggi-do.
MINHO: […]
SEUNGMIN: […]
MINHO: Are you gonna waste your phone call just sitting there and not saying anything?
SEUNGMIN: Wouldn’t dream of it.
MINHO: [fondly] Idiot.
SEUNGMIN: Call me that again. I’ve missed it.
MINHO: I think I preferred when you weren’t saying anything. Can we go back to that now?
SEUNGMIN: [laughs]
A photograph.
Caption: one last time
He’s standing awkwardly by the door, one hand raised when Minho takes the photo. He hasn’t even gotten to change out of his uniform yet, bag still over his shoulder, his short hair tucked securely under his cap.
It’s the last time he’ll ever wear his uniform besides annual training. Minho says as much before he’s moving in to pull Seungmin close, not giving him a single moment to recover before he’s saying, “You’re moving out of the dorms.”
Seungmin’s eyebrow rises. “What’s in it for me?”
“Decrease in petrol consumption,” Minho says airily, his thumbs curling into the belt loops of Seungmin’s trousers. “Noise control. Increase in privacy. You should’ve started thinking about being more environmentally conscious while you were still in the military, Kim Seungmin.”
“Well, of course,” Seungmin agrees, smiling and feeling like he knows a secret. “Anything for Mother Earth.”
Minho threads their fingers together, and says, casually, “So. I’ve booked three apartment viewings for next week.”
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #2864
Legal pad, lined. Page sixteen.
Hello,
We got a cat today. Her name is Aengdu and she has grey and white fur, and she’s so tiny that she fits inside Minho-hyung’s palms when he picks her up. She sneezed today and the fur flew right off her little head and she looked so surprised. Minho-hyung laughed so much that I think we scared the neighbours.
I still would have liked to get a puppy, but I like the way Minho-hyung looks even more every time he gets to pick her up and rest her on his shoulder. He loves her so much already. I wouldn’t blame him. She’s sweet.
This morning he told me that she’s his new favourite and that I’ve just been demoted down the list of favourites.
So, I said to him, “I can’t believe you even put me on there in the first place.”
He scowled and said I was off the list completely and left the room. But he came back with sliced fruit for me in the nice blue bowl that his mother bought us when we first moved in, so I don’t think he’s kicked me off the list completely just yet.
Reminder to buy cat things tomorrow when grocery shopping.
A memory and a photograph, just for them.
He blinks into consciousness in that slow, syrupy way one does on days like these. When there’s no alarm to wake you, and the sun streams in through the blinds tenderly, and the bed is both cool and warm at the same time. Everything falling into place on a Sunday morning.
Minho’s curled up along his pillow beside him, back to him. Seungmin shuffles over sleepily, and brushes the back of his knuckles along the fine hair at the nape of Minho’s neck. Presses a kiss to his skin, open-mouthed. Moves down and presses another to his shoulder, and then between his shoulder blades, and then down, down, down, along the pretty length of his spine.
He’s reached the curve of Minho’s ass when Minho stirs and reaches back for him, one hand managing to curl into his hair. “C’mere,” Minho grunts, and Seungmin goes, straddling Minho’s hips as he leans in. Lets Minho push his fingers through his tousled bed-head, lets Minho tug him in for a kiss, lets himself be breathless and noisy when he grinds down against Minho’s hips.
It’s a privilege he never thought he’d ever have. Waking up late and having sleepy, morning sex with his boyfriend. Minho’s sucking on his pulse-point, eyes half-lidded, when Seungmin comes, one hand around both their dicks. Minho lies back and lets Seungmin jerk him off until he’s coming too, sated and satisfied.
Seungmin takes a breath, flops back into his spot and lets his eyes fall shut for a moment, feeling lightheaded. He centers himself, remembering where he is. He’s in their bed, in their apartment. The two of them, together.
“Good morning,” Minho says nonchalantly from beside him, and Seungmin barks a laugh, turning to push his face into his pillow. The air is cool, but his chest is as warm as it’s ever been whenever he remembers that he’s the only one who gets to see Minho like this. The only one who gets to have Minho like this.
Neither of them have ever said the words. Not yet, at least. But, it’s fine. They don’t have to, or need to. Not when all Seungmin has to do is kiss Minho the way he did, to say his name, and all Minho has to do is take his hand and entwine their fingers and not let go.
“I’d like for this to be forever,” Seungmin says, apropos of nothing.
There’s a disbelieving sound from Minho. “You’re an idiot, Kim Seungmin, if you didn’t think this was forever since the moment we met.”
“Maybe not when you got eliminated,” Seungmin says, and Minho kicks him so hard that he yelps, and he scrambles to push Minho off as Minho attempts to roll on top of him, and Seungmin’s just laughing when Minho finally gets his wrists pinned down and kisses him to shut him up.
He does shut up, just because he likes kissing Minho too much to pull away, but the moment Minho’s letting him go he’s reaching for the digital camera on the bedside table, inching closer to Minho, who stares at him with affectionate exasperation.
“Just one,” Seungmin says. For us, he doesn’t say. For us, forever.
Minho tilts his head, and drops his chin down onto Seungmin’s shoulder, smiling.
Click.
Into the box the memory goes, along with the rest.
Second bedroom from the left, closet by the bed, box on the floor. A blue notebook, flipped open to the first page, pencil lying beside it.
A hastily-written sticky note on the box:
not enough space, get another box
Below, an afterthought:
why can’t we just upload these to icloud. you have a notes app
And, right underneath it:
it wouldn’t be the same
Kim Seungmin’s Daily Reflections #2920
Notebook, blue, spiral binding. Inside front cover.
Hello,
It’s been a long time since I last wrote in here.
Today I asked Lee Minho to marry me.
He said yes.