Chapter Text
I felt bad after that night.
I didn’t try anything as he told me to. I didn’t try to escape not because I didn’t want to, but because I wanted to gain his trust to work towards my escape. Deep down, I’m afraid that I’m hesitant to hurt him. Hesitation is what gets people killed out here, though. I can’t let that stop me.
Instead, out of my own lack of trust, I stayed up all night watching him sleep. I didn’t mean to be creepy or anything but there wasn’t anything else to look at in the dark. Instead of learning to hate him more for what he was doing to me and to my siblings, I came to the realization that he was just another pawn in the Queen’s playing field. She had him eating right out of the palm of her hand and that was what hurt. He was sweet. He had it in him.
Honestly, he was what we needed in our revolution but there was no way of getting him there. He was set on the Queen and bringing a Follower into the rebellion would end horribly. It was set. Over. Done. Fuck .
He woke up so pleasantly surprised that he brought me a proper breakfast. Meat, eggs, more water, anything I needed. He changed my bandages for me even though I was capable. It was only when he decided to let me out on another walk that he found some clean chains to tie my arms back up with. They didn’t hurt half as much as the ropes.
We ended up back in the lounge with Rose and Kanaya and while under supervision, Kanaya seemed to allow Rose to have her hands tied in the front. Her wrists were bandaged up, too. I felt her pain, both literally and metaphorically. I frowned when I saw them.
Kanaya and Karkat started up a short conversation, completely distracted. After a moment, I caught a slight movement from Rose’s finger and scooted just close enough to keep the rope in Karkat’s hand.
She didn’t say a word as she subtly handed me a lockpick. I quickly closed my palm around it but before I did, she locked her pinky with mine. I squeezed hers gently in the reassurance that I would get us out. I stepped away before either Karkat or Kanaya could notice.
Karkat pulled me along a couple of minutes later and we were on our way.
That night, he kept my arms chained back behind me which I was fine with this time. I waited for hours for him to fall into a deep sleep, until I could hear his gentle snores, before I started messing with the chains, getting the lockpick in just the right position.
Three. Three clicks are all I need.
My eyes were on him as I positioned the pick. I wasn’t risking a single thing going wrong and while half of my attention was on listening for that blessed sound from the lock, the other half was on making sure he stayed asleep. If this went wrong, there was no guarantee I would ever get the freedom back that I was earning from him. But if it went right…
Click.
My eyes moved down to my lap then so I could focus entirely on the pick. Karkat hadn’t even stirred at the sound so I got a little less concerned as I kept going. My wrist was beginning to ache but I wasn’t about to stop. I needed to get out. I needed to see Roxy. Dirk. I needed to make sure Rose knew we were getting out of here. I needed them.
Click.
I squeezed my eyes shut then, chewing my bottom lip. I paid no mind to Karkat now. I was so close. It was within reach. My wrist cramped and I stopped for a moment to allow it to recover before diving right back in. I was almost there. I was almost there . I could feel it. I could feel that notch. Just a little more up. Cramp. Stop. Up more. No, down. Almost…
I gasped as the lockpick was knocked out of its hole by a sudden force on my chest. I dropped it and once it was on the floor, there was no getting it back. It went wrong.
We’re never getting out of here.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Karkat was on me, his knee on the chair between my legs and his other leg across my right thigh. The position could be considered intimate if he wasn’t holding a dagger to my neck and if his hand wasn’t pressed painfully into the center of my chest. I let out a breath I had been holding when attempting to make my escape.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, hoping that it would, in some way, save me.
“You’d better be.” It wouldn’t.
“You would do the same thing.”
“You almost had me,” he sighed, sitting back just slightly and dropping the dagger to the floor. The noise echoed through the room. “You almost had my trust.”
“I don’t want to betray you,” I explained. It was only half true. “I just want to get out of here. To survive with my family. Wouldn’t you want to do the same?”
“Of course I would,” he whispered. He looked more defeated than me and I could finally see what Sollux had been talking about. Pity. Red. Emotion. “You know I would. But that doesn’t erase the things you and your people have done.”
“They’re the only people who have taken care of me when I needed it most. I’d do anything for them.”
He sighed softly again and looked down a little between us. When his hands came up a little, tracing the wrinkles in my shirt, I couldn’t find it in me to try to struggle. He was so close and he was getting closer, his fingertips gradually pressing further and further into my chest. It wasn’t long before I could feel his breath meeting mine and when he closed his eyes, I did, too. My heart was beating out of my chest.
“I just wish you’d make this easier,” he whispered.
I couldn’t find it in me to speak again. I only opened my eyes to stare up at him as he battled with himself. He struggled with wanting to kiss me and wanting to punish me for my attempt at trying to escape but frankly, the first one could be considered just as much of a punishment.
“I hate you so fucking much,” he hissed before his hands moved up to my cheeks and he pulled me in.
I had never been kissed like this before. With such tenderness and such fire. I didn’t hesitate in reciprocating and for once, my thoughts weren’t on trying to get away from him and his crew. It was on whatever the hell was going on in this chair with him on my lap. I wanted him for myself. I hated that it wasn’t an option.
“Unchain me,” I mumbled against his lips. “I want to hold you.”
“In your fucking dreams, Strider,” he muttered, kissing me again.
I wouldn’t even consider kissing him back if tensions weren’t so high. It was so easy to die out here in the middle of the ocean and while fighting for one side of a war that people usually just went for it. I was no different and despite all the romance he read, it didn’t seem that he was much different, either.
When he rolled his hips against mine and trailed his hands down, I was done for. I was all his.
“Is this okay?”
The question caught me a little bit off guard. Anyone else wouldn’t have cared what my feelings were but it didn’t matter in that moment. I wanted him, too.
“Yeah,” I breathed, nodding a little too quickly. “Yeah, it’s okay. It’s all okay.”
I didn’t ask to be unchained again as I let him have his way with me.
Pounding on the door jolted both of us awake, him in his own bed and me still confined to my chair.
“Karkat! Wake up! Equius is trying to do your work!”
“Shit,” he breathed, sitting up quickly to change. I watched him not just with admiration but because he was the only thing to watch in the room. “Fucking Equius. I’ll be there in a second!”
He grabbed his dagger, slipping it into the sheath connected to his belt. When he caught my stare a moment later, he sighed softly and crossed his arms, staring right back down at me.
“We do not speak of last night,” he grumbled. “Understood?”
“Why not?” I raised an eyebrow. I was pushing my limits, yeah, but how was I supposed to know what my limits were now? “Do you regret it?”
“No! Well, yes, but-” Another knock stopped him and he sighed again. “No. I don’t fucking know. Just don’t use this shit against me. I still have a job to do here.”
“Yes, sir.”
With that, he stepped out and I listened as his footsteps faded down the hallway. I sat in silence for only a minute before I heard a quick running right towards the door. It didn’t sound like Karkat so I tensed, sitting upright in the chair and staring at the door as if that would keep it closed. The bolt lock was pulled and the door creaked open a minute later. Much to my surprise and glee, Rose stepped in, closing the door behind her and locking the handle.
“Dave,” she breathed. “We have a problem.”
“You’re telling me,” I mumbled with a roll of my eyes. “Help me get out of these chains. I got caught last night.”
“What do you mean we’re getting there today?”
“How long do you think we’ve been on this ship, Dave?”
“I don’t know, a few days?”
“And how long do you think it would’ve taken us to get to the Queen from where we grabbed our cargo?”
“A few days…”
“We have to get Dirk and Roxy and go .”
“Rose…”
My voice went a bit quiet. I instantly thought of Karkat even though I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to think of him and the way he kissed me. I wanted to think about getting out and getting to our group safely. I wanted to think about living . Not about what he made me feel. She waited for an answer that never came until she finally sighed.
“You like him, don’t you?”
I paused for a moment again before responding with a short nod.
“I thought he was just kind of cute until last night.”
“What happened last night?” When I didn’t answer, my head down towards my lap, she nodded as well. “I see.”
“I can’t go soft for someone now. Especially not someone like him.”
“I may not have gone as far as you did, but I kissed my captor, too.” My eyes grew wide at that and I looked up at her with shock. She then smiled sadly and handed me my glasses which I was happy to put on. “But we have a job to do. We need to find Dirk and Roxy, then get one of the smaller boats hanging on the side of the ship.”
“I’ll get Roxy,” I mumbled, standing up with her. “We’ll work on getting some weapons.”
“Dirk and I will handle food and water then.”
We opened the door and quietly snuck out into the empty hallway.
“How the hell did you manage to get free? I haven’t been able to do shit for the last few days!”
Roxy whispered sharply to me as I worked to cut the ropes around her bleeding wrists. Her captor seemed so sweet and happy that I was a little surprised that she hadn’t been taken care of a little more.
“Rose managed to get a couple of lockpicks,” I answered simply. “I got caught with mine but she escaped and got me out.”
“What’s wrong with you? You seem sad.”
“I’m not sad. Let’s go.”
I had already debriefed the plan to her in advance and we made our way out. Roxy didn’t seem too convinced about my emotions but she decided to shut her mouth for the time being as we made our way into where they kept some of their weaponry. We were more than pleased to see it was left unguarded and we suited up. I grabbed a sword and swung it a few times at a wooden beam to ensure my skills were still unmatched. Seeing that they were, I returned my sword to a sheath attached to a belt I had grabbed a bit earlier. Roxy had found a pair of daggers and twirled them around her fingers, smiling.
“I hope we can get by without hurting anyone,” she said. “I don’t hate these guys.”
“Can’t say the same,” I muttered. I could, but I didn’t want to. If I thought I hated them enough, if I thought that I hated Karkat enough, maybe I actually would. “We need to meet Dirk and Rose by the boat as quickly as possible.”
“Dave…”
“What?” I turned to look at her. She gave me those sad eyes that I recognized but didn’t see often. I didn’t want to see them now.
“You aren’t very good at keeping secrets. What’s wrong? Aren’t you excited to get out of here?”
“Of course I am.”
“You’re not.”
I took a deep breath and moved to avoid meeting her eyes again.
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Rox. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just focus on getting the fuck out of here, alright?”
“When we are on that boat, you’re going to tell me.”
“Can we just fucking go?” I sighed deeply again and before I could add on to my pleading, she grabbed my arm and pulled me with her. We quickly ran up to sneak around the surface of the ship, fear in our steps. We nearly ran into a couple of the trolls roaming the ship, one of which I recognized as Karkat’s brother, but slipped by unnoticed.
Upon arrival at the back of the ship on the surface, we were met with the wonderful faces of our other siblings. Roxy and Dirk hadn’t been able to see each other since getting captured and they happily embraced until Rose cleared her throat.
“Not to ruin the moment,” she said. “But we should really get going.”
“Here,” I mumbled softly, handing her and Dirk a dagger to cut the ropes to the smaller boat hanging off the edge. “Keep it at the ready. We don’t know what’s going to happen.”
They took them from me, nodding in gratitude before loading a couple of sacks of various foods into each side of the smaller boat. Roxy and I helped to make sure we would get out in due time until we all froze and drew our weapons when we heard a voice I recognized the most. A voice I was dreading hearing.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Strider?”
He had called me by my first name only hours ago. His tone had been so different. So pleasing, so desirable. Now he just sounded a bit sad like I had betrayed him beyond repair. Frankly, I kind of did.
“I have to leave,” I mumbled, the same tone creeping into my own voice. “You know that I have to leave.”
“I can’t let you,” he said, slowly drawing his sword only halfway from his belt.
“Karkat…” My voice went softer. My siblings had never seen such an interaction from me before, nor did they ever expect to. We always took pride in ourselves for being total badasses. Ones that never had a single regret. Ones that didn’t develop feelings for people they shouldn’t. It didn’t feel like they were mad at me with the way they stared at me. It felt like they were sad for me. “Please just turn around and act like you didn’t see anything.”
“I can’t.” His voice shook.
“I don’t want to have to hurt you.”
“Me neither.”
We stared at each other for a moment before he finally let his sword slide back into its sheath. I did the same, pinning it between my belt and my hip. He took a deep breath before looking down at his boots with shame.
“Go,” he finally murmured. “Before I change my mind.”
My sisters and my brother looked to me for assurance that he wasn’t going to stab us in the back and I simply nodded to them, letting them know it was safe. I didn’t follow them yet and instead, I approached Karkat with slight hesitation. When he looked up at me, I cupped his cheeks and pulled him in, kissing him despite his slight surprise. When I pulled away, he pulled me back in so he could kiss me back before likely never seeing me again.
“Thank you,” I mumbled before turning to jump in the boat with my siblings. I reached up to the ropes connecting the boat to the ship, looked over at Karkat one last time, then sliced through it with ease.
We were on our way back to base.