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Something to Last

Summary:

So tomorrow morning he will be a man on a mission - a mission he chose himself and a mission that he will try his best to succeed at.

Bucky just hopes that Stark will give him a chance.

Notes:

I owe everything to my lovely beta LilMissAwesome who has been a tremendous help ♥ I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you do ♥

There will be 11 chapters - the story is finished, minus some edits that has to be made, but I try to update once a week :)

Chapter Text

Right after the snap there is a bright white light and then everything falls unnaturally quiet. The battle dies down immediately and everybody looks around, waiting.

And then people start to disappear into thin air.

“What is going -” Wilson starts to say right before his body begins to turn to dust. Bucky takes a step forward and tries to grab Wilson’s arm, but it’s already too late. He turns quickly, looking around and sees more people disappear, one by one.

After Wilson it’s Maximoff, then king T’Challa and then it is exactly half of both armies. For a short moment Bucky is afraid that he is going to evaporate too, but it doesn’t happen.

Steve, Romanoff, Banner and Thor are left standing with him. They all stare at each other, then Vision’s unmoving body and then each other again.

“Oh my God,” Steve whispers. 

Nobody knows how to respond.

They’ve lost.

They’ve really lost this time.

Thanos’ army retreats in haste, the Wakandans gather around the Queen Mother Ramonda, grieving and the Avengers, or what is left of them, walk back to their Quinjet. 

“There is nothing we can do here,” Thor tells them and nobody argues.

“Let’s go… home,” Steve agrees, if hesitantly.

This time it would not feel like going back home.

That isn’t really a new thing to Bucky, though. He hasn’t had a home in decades.


✪ ✪ ✪


The Avengers Compound is quiet.

Bucky has never been there before, but he is pretty sure that it has never been this quiet before. Everything is too still, almost lifeless.

Colonel Rhodes is standing at the door when they land their Quinjet on the Compound grounds and after taking one look at their defeated faces, he doesn’t need to ask anything. They follow him inside and then they just sit in silence for what feels like hours.

Romanoff cries and that makes Bucky feel really uneasy. He doesn’t really remember the woman, from the Red Room or from his previous mission, but he knows that she is ruthless and cunning, so it must be really unusual for her to cry.

Thor doesn’t say anything. He just stares into nothing and when someone tries to talk to him, he doesn’t react. Bucky knows a thing or two about guilt and there is no denying that Thor is feeling like they lost because of him. He had the chance to stop Thanos and he made the wrong move. Nobody blames him, they all lost together, but there is no way to convince the demi-god about it.

Banner locks himself into a lab and Bucky is certain that he is trying to find a solution, or maybe figuring out who survived.

Looking at Steve makes Bucky feel horrible. Steve, who usually knows what to do and has some sort of mission or a goal  - the “Star-Spangled Man with a Plan” - has no idea what to do this time. He is all over the place, trying to comfort everyone and figuring out how they could undo it all. His eyes are tired, sad and almost hollow, which makes Bucky’s chest tighten.

After Princess Shuri fixed his brain, Bucky was trying to get re-acquainted with himself and who he is nowadays. But then the battle came, he had been given a new fully functioning arm that didn’t remind him of HYDRA and then thrown right in the middle of a war.

Just like before.

But this time they lost, everything is a mess and Bucky has absolutely no idea what to do. He feels bad for Steve and the others of course but he doesn’t really know how to react to all of it.

“Do we know what happened to Tony?”

Rhodes’ question comes out of nowhere and makes Steve’s head snap up.

“When Bruce called, he told me that Tony got into a spaceship,” he explains quietly, “I don’t think that anyone has seen him since.”

For some reason, Bucky’s chest tightens even more.

He hasn’t seen Tony Stark after Siberia and he is pretty sure that the other man doesn’t mind that at all. In some utopistic way Bucky had thought that someday he would have a chance to apologize properly. 

“We have to find out if he is still… if he is alive,” Romanoff says and wipes her eyes, “we owe him that.”

Steve opens his mouth, maybe to agree, maybe to disagree, who knows, but then decides against it.

“He could be anywhere.”

“I don’t care,” Rhodes says angrily, “we need to figure out if he survived. He is probably our best chance if we are going to try and fix this mess.”

Nobody argues with that.

They don’t even have time to come up with an actual plan before there is a loud bang coming from outside.

Steve grabs his shield, Bucky his rifle and they both run outside, Thor not far behind. They all stop at the door, staring at the blonde woman, glowing as she hovers over the Compound grounds.

“I got Fury’s emergency call,” the woman explains, “but apparently I’m too late.”


✪ ✪ ✪


The woman turns out to be Carol Danvers and she has all kinds of superpowers. Apparently, Nick Fury was able to send an emergency signal to her before he disintegrated but she couldn’t answer it in time.

Bucky’s head is spinning - he thought that Steve and he himself were something extraordinary, but there he is, sitting around a table with a demi-god, a man that turns into a green monster when he gets angry and Captain Marvel who, according to herself, can do pretty much anything. 

Like fly into space.

“So you can try locating Tony?” Rhodes asks and his voice is filled with hope. It is painfully obvious to Bucky that he doesn’t even think about the possibility that Stark got disintegrated and Steve comes to the same conclusion.

“Rhodes,” he starts softly, “you need to prepare yourself -”

“I don’t need to do anything, Rogers,” Rhodes snaps back and then closes his eyes. When Carol puts her hand on his shoulder he takes a deep breath.

“I’m going to search for your friend and I will bring him back,” she promises and Rhodes gives her a small, thankful smile.

After Danvers leaves, Bucky realizes that he really does hope that she finds Stark.

Alive.


✪ ✪ ✪


When Danvers returns, she has a whole spaceship on her back. She lands gracefully on the Compound grounds and immediately the ship’s loading bridge comes down. A very skinny and exhausted looking Tony Stark steps outside and Bucky can hear Romanoff gasping. Stark is supported by a blue robot-looking woman who, as Bucky later finds out, is actually one of Thanos’ daughters.

To everyone’s surprise it is Steve who runs to the ship fastest, which makes Bucky think that maybe he wasn’t as ready to accept the idea of Tony’s disappearing as he had tried to stage before.

It is even more surprising that Stark actually lets Steve support him as they walk towards the Compound’s main building.

“Tones!”

Rhodes shoves Steve out of his way when he hurries to hug his best friend. For a while they just hold on to each other, not speaking. Bucky feels like he and the others are interrupting something precious and he has to look away.

Rhodes takes Stark straight to Banner for a check up. It takes over an hour but that doesn’t surprise anyone - Stark had looked like he was in really bad shape.

When they finally come back to the others, Stark looks a bit better. He has an IV strapped to his arm and he even smiles a bit, even though Rhodes had probably already told him everything that happened while he was gone. He sits down and Romanoff brings him some soup that she heated for him but Stark doesn’t touch it. He does thank her though and by her expression, Romanoff takes that as a win.

Stark’s eyes linger on Bucky longer than is exactly comfortable and Bucky tries not to fidget under his gaze. He is at Stark’s Compound without the man’s permission and last time they met they were pretty much trying to kill each other. If a cold calculating look is all that Bucky is going to get, he should be thankful.

But of course that isn’t all.

“Okay, did he give you any clues, any coordinates? Tony, I’m going to need you to focus -”

Stark stands up so fast that it cannot be good for him.

“And I needed you, as in past tense.”

“Just sit down, okay?” Rhodes tries to say calmly but Tony doesn’t even look at him.

“I got nothing for you, Cap. I’ve got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada. No trust - liar.

The last word gets Steve to flinch and Bucky feels himself twitch too.

“Ah yes,” Stark continues and turns to look at him, “and of course there is your precious little Soldier.”

Bucky cannot look Stark in the eyes so he looks at the wall behind him and stays quiet. He knows that he has no right to say anything and he probably deserves everything that Stark is about to say.

“By all means, stay at my home. Mi casa es su casa and all that jazz, you only killed my parents after all. It is my absolute pleasure to host the infamous Winter Soldier.”

“Tony -” Steve tries but Stark just rips his reactor off his chest and shoves it in Steve’s hands.

Then he collapses on the floor and passes out.


✪ ✪ ✪


Carol looks at them all with a cold expression, before lifting the unconscious Stark from the floor and carrying him to the Compound’s medical. Rhodes goes with her and the others are once again left standing in silence.

“I think it is best if we all go to bed and try to get some sleep,” Banner finally says quietly, “we are not doing any good by staring at each other or the walls.”

The others silently agree. Steve shows one of the empty rooms to Bucky and asks if he is going to be okay. Bucky has no idea what to answer so he just shrugs. Steve doesn’t try to make excuses for Stark’s harsh words and Bucky appreciates it. To be perfectly honest, he just wants to be left alone. Steve seems to understand and leaves, after giving Bucky a small smile.

Bucky steps into what seems to be a very nice room. It probably isn’t the largest one at the Compound but it has everything he needs - a very comfortable looking bed, his own bathroom and a whole entertainment center. Stark really takes care of his people.

And Bucky definitely isn’t one of them. He takes a deep breath, washes his face in the bathroom and sits down on the bed.

He feels out of place, like he doesn’t belong. 

He is uncertain about who he is and what he is supposed to do now. He is free from HYDRA, free from his trigger words - overall he is finally a free man, without anywhere to go. Sure he has Steve, but their friendship has changed. Bucky doesn’t remember all of their past but he knows that neither of them is the same anymore. Spending 70 years in ice or as a brainwashed assassin tends to change people.

He needs to figure out what he is supposed to do. No, what he wants to do. But first he is going to get some sleep, then help the others figure out if there is anything they can do to reverse the snap.

After that… he does not know.


✪ ✪ ✪


As it turns out, there is nothing to do. They figured out where Thanos had gone with the Infinity Stones, but when they got there the Titan declared that he had destroyed them.

“He… has to be lying,” Rhodes stammers but Nebula shakes her head.

Before anyone has a chance to say anything more, Thor wields his Stormbreaker and decapitates Thanos - his ugly purple head rolls to Bucky’s feet and he stares at it numbly. Their last chance to fix everything is gone.

Thor walks out of the cabin and it feels like all of the hope and fight that was left in them goes with him.


✪ ✪ ✪


Stark has been in the Compound’s medical for a few days and he refuses to see anyone except Rhodes, Banner, Nebula and for some unexplainable reason, Romanoff. Steve tries to ask her about her meetings with Stark but she doesn’t reveal anything. Bucky thinks that she tries to regain Stark’s trust and telling Steve about their conversations will definitely harm her efforts.

One evening, after Stark has been in medical for a week, Rhodes comes by Bucky’s room.

“He wanted me to tell you that you are welcome to stay here as long as you want.”

Bucky is surprised, to say the least.

“But why?”

“Because Tony actually isn’t an asshole,” Rhodes says with a shrug, “he knows that you have no place to go and he doesn’t want to throw you out. So, you can stay here as long as you need to.”

Bucky feels relieved and confused at the same time. It doesn’t make any sense. Why on Earth would Stark let him -

“He isn’t going to stay here himself, is he?”

“No, he’s not,” Rhodes admits, “but I can assure it isn’t because of you.”

It sort of feels like it, though.


✪ ✪ ✪


Life at the Compound is mostly peaceful after all that.

Rhodes is now the official leader of the remaining Avengers and he goes on lowkey missions with Danvers, sometimes taking Romanoff and Nebula with him. Steve takes after Wilson and speaks in a few different support groups, trying to help people cope and deal with their losses. It does him good  - at least gives him something to do since he doesn’t join the others on missions. He asks Bucky to come with him to the group a few times but Bucky refuses. He has his own therapist and his own sessions with them and it was difficult enough for him. Group therapy sounds exhausting and kind of scary for someone like him.

Banner and Thor both disappear and nobody hears from them after that.

Everyone has formed some sort of routine - it isn’t perfect, far from it - but they try to cope.

Even Bucky.

He wakes up early in the mornings and goes for a run, usually together with Steve. Then he has breakfast and after that he either takes a short nap or tries to catch up with pop culture. He listens to all kinds of music and watches a lot of tv and some old movies. In the evenings he usually does a workout at the Compound gym - mostly alone, but sometimes Romanoff or Danvers spar with him. Rhodes spars with them too, but not with Bucky, which makes him feel like he isn’t trusted. At least not yet.

After his workout he usually eats dinner, then he reads books or goes outside, wandering around the city, until he goes to sleep. Then he wakes up in the early morning and repeats the whole routine. It is safe, normal and shockingly boring. Unsurprisingly it doesn’t help Bucky figuring out who he is or what he wants to do with his life. The only thing he is sure of is that he doesn’t want to fight anymore, unless he absolutely has to. He will not leave his friends in the time of a true battle but he politely declines when Rhodes once, if hesitant, asks him to join them on a mission.

“You could go studying or something,” Romanoff says one evening when they all are having dinner together.

Bucky just snorts.

“That is actually a good idea,” Steve says enthusiastically, “you always liked technology and stuff like that, you can study all kinds of things nowadays.”

“You’re into tech?” Rhodes asks, mildly interested.

“I used to be,” Bucky shrugs and pushes food around his plate, “but I’m no good at it. I don’t really know anything about it, either.”

Rhodes hums but doesn’t continue, which makes Steve raise his eyebrows at him.

“I just happen to know someone who knows a thing or two about tech-stuff. You could probably ask him if you needed some guidance. But studying is never a bad thing.”

At first Bucky thinks that Rhodes means himself - he knows that Rhodes went to MIT together with Stark - but by the way Romanoff’s face changes from thoughtful to surprised and Steve almost chokes on his dinner, he is probably wrong.

That night Bucky thinks about Stark.

He has only seen the man twice so far, so he doesn’t actually know him. The others speak about him sometimes and Bucky can feel that Stark causes mixed emotions for them too.

When Bucky thinks about Stark, he feels shame. Shame and regret. He also feels gratitude - the man lets him stay on his premises, all expenses paid. Bucky also feels remarkably guilty.

It is a thing that nags in the back of his brain constantly. He doesn’t think about it all the time, but on a regular basis he feels it like a crushing pressure. It isn’t just about Stark, of course, but he is probably the clearest reminder of what Bucky has done as the Winter Soldier.

He has to do something about the crushing feeling.

It is very possible that Stark wants nothing to do with him and that would be fair, but Bucky has to at least try. Maybe if he clears the air with Stark, trying to make amends, he will finally feel more like himself. His old self. Right now he feels like a shell of a human who just barely makes it through the days - his life has no actual meaning, he just mindlessly sails forward.

So tomorrow morning he will be a man on a mission - a mission he chose himself and a mission that he will try his best to succeed at. 

Bucky just hopes that Stark will give him a chance.