Chapter Text
boyfriend<333: hey love, are you back from kourt’s ?
boyfriend<333: wanna facetime??boyfriend<333: i miss your face :(
Seb stared at the messages—only sent a mere 5 minutes apart—not knowing how to respond. Obviously, yes, they jump at any opportunity to talk to their boyfriend, but they still had the eyeshadow on from earlier and did not want to take it off just yet. He knows they could just tell Carlos that Kourtney wanted to do their makeup, which technically wasn’t a lie, but he knows he would still see right through them. After staring at the texts for another few minutes, he decided to call the only person they could think of.
“Seb, you just got home. Did you leave something here?”
“It’s an emergency, Kourt!!!”
“Oh?”
“Carlos wants to facetime.”
“No offense, but why is that an emergency?”
Seb dramatically sighs. “Because….” They drag out. “I’m still wearing the makeup from earlier.”
“Uh huh…” She says, unable to hide her amusement out of her voice.
“Kourtney.”
“Seb.”
“You clearly aren’t taking this seriously.” He pouts.
“Okay, okay. I’m listening. For real. What’s up?”
“Okay, so, I know he won’t care, right? And, at the least, I can say that you wanted to try out a makeup look on me… But I kind of ... don’t want to do that? I trust him more than anything and I think I want him to see the real me…”
There was a pause on the line. The static almost gave Seb a headache. Just before they were about to ask if she was still there -
“Think or want to?” Kourtney prompted.
Seb paused. It took him a moment to rewind in his head what exactly she was talking about. Eventually, the answer came to them in a flash, an unexpected guest.
“I want to tell him.”
”Then what’s stopping you?”
Seb wanted to reply with something witty or put-together but all that came out was a small “Yeah.”
A few seconds passed; Kourtney waited patiently, as she always does, until they continued.
“I think I’ll tell him. Thank you, Kourt.”
”Of course, Sebby! I’m proud of you.”
Seb smiled softly into the phone as tears threatened to spill over yet again. “Thank you.” He said quietly before ending the call and swallowing the lump in their throat.
---
His hands fumbled as they typed, causing him to click and delete multiple wrong letters. Eventually, they formed a full message and squeezed his eyes shut as his thumb fell onto the “send” button.
just got home! im free to call <3
A lie, but a necessary one to save Seb the trouble of going over every word that played in their head since the school bell rang. Before he even had time to set down their phone, it mooed: signaling a text from Carlos.
boyfriend<333: great! calling now :)
True to his word, Seb’s phone started to vibrate as his color-coated eyelids stared back at them in fear. They nervously combed a hand through his blonde hair and released a bottled-up breath.
As soon as Seb accepted the call, Carlos’s face enlarged onto their screen—his own shrinking into the corner, mimicking Seb’s sudden lack of confidence.
”Sebastian! Hi!!”
“Hi, Lolo!” Seb said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. Although, he failed slightly as the greeting fell flat. They were met with a slight scowl hidden under clear-framed glasses.
“Honey, you’ve been acting weird since you showed up at my locker… Is everything okay?”
Thoughts, feelings and emotions ran cold through Seb’s body; their heart raced as words dropped dead before reaching his lips. The letters weren’t forming correctly and instead created a mass of cuts and curves that got stuck in their throat. His mouth morphed between poses—a fake, tense smile one second and a tight-lipped line the next. They nodded his head almost too eagerly and his voice cracked as they tried to make an affirmative hum.
Seb could see the betrayal in Carlos’s eyes. They both knew he wasn’t okay and it was unlike Seb not to tell the other what was on his mind. Whether it was voice memos at three in the morning of their infamous “thinking jazz” or lengthy texts during his free period, Seb always clued Carlos in on what was going on in their head.
But he just couldn’t do it. They couldn’t say it. Not like this at least.
Carlos hadn’t even mentioned the makeup yet but Seb didn’t have the energy to explain something so complicated over a pixelated screen that could disconnect at any second.
“Are you home right now?” Seb tentatively asked. They weren’t the words either of them wanted to hear but it was the only words Seb could say.
“Yes, why? Did you leave something here?”
Seb stopped for a moment to wonder why everyone was asking that question today. I mean, sure, he was forgetful but not to the extreme that they carelessly left things everywhere! Nevermind that. That was not the point he was trying to make.
“No, no! I was… wondering if I could come over? Like … Right now?”
“Oh.” Seb didn’t like knowing they were causing the hurt in Carlos’s voice. “Yeah, no, that's completely okay! My dad will probably want you to join us for dinner; he’s making pozole again. There’s enough for you to have some, if you don’t mind.” Carlos offers with a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
Seb notices.
“Sounds delicious!” They attempt to smile back but only cause more hurt in Carlos’ eyes. He hangs up before more damage could be done, already regretting keeping a secret from him for this long.
---
The minute Mrs. Rodriguez opens the door, she wraps Seb in a huge hug. You would think she hasn’t seen him in years when in reality it was just this morning. “¡Buenas noches!, beautiful boy.” She greeted.
Seb smiled back at her warm embrace, trying not to wince at her gendered greeting. The smell of fresh spices wafted through the door frame which was enough to momentarily snap them out of their dysphoria.
“¡Buenas noches, Señora Rodriguez! It’s good to see you again! Thank you for letting me come over for dinner on such short notice.”
Mrs. Rodriguez smiled at him with unmistakable pride. Seb had picked up bits and pieces of Spanish from hanging around the Rodriguez family so often as well as the occasional impromptu lesson from Carlos. It was obvious how happy it makes all of them when he’s brave enough to speak Spanish around them—especially his boyfriend—so they do their best to incorporate the language into his vocabulary as much as possible.
“Come in! Come in! We just finished setting the table.” Mrs. Rodriguez ushered.
Seb locked eyes with Carlos for the first time since he arrived. He had positioned himself rather awkwardly and just out of frame—looking much too small for the large personality that was the youngest Rodriguez sibling.
Carlos had two older sisters: Amanda (Amy for short) and Mía. Mía was only a grade above them and was captain of the debate team and a dedicated swimmer. Carlos gravitated towards Mía due to their similar, outgoing personalities but that often resulted in Mía using him as an unexpected participant in one of her many debates.
Amy was a senior at East High and stuck to more relaxed interests like the violin and art. She was the first person Carlos ever came out to and he trusted her more than anyone. He doesn’t always get to see her around but, when she’s not out with friends or in the art studio, Carlos does his best to show her how much he appreciates her.
So there they all were: sat around a rectangular table, five sets of dishes plus an extra for Seb. They each took turns going through the highs and lows of their days. (Rosas y espinas, Mrs. Rodriguez had called it.) Mr. Rodriguez shared a story about a meeting that never ended and applauded a new intern for being of help around the office. Mía announced that her side of the mock debate won but the other team was a sore loser. Amy finally finished a painting she had been working on and had a pop quiz in math. Mrs. Rodriguez told everyone that her orchids had wilted to the point of no return and she had to throw them out but was happy Seb could join them for dinner. As everyone took their turn to speak, Seb anxiously awaited both their own turn and Carlos’.
Seb went first.
“One of our sheep was so anxious this morning that he didn’t eat anything." They shared as his espina, making eye contact with his soup before looking up at Carlos.
“Jimmy?” Carlos asked, mindlessly stirring his spoon before catching Seb’s glance.
Seb nodded before continuing, “But I went over to Kourtney’s house after school and got to meet her really cute dog!”
Mía perked up at that. “What kind of dog was it?”
“I’m not sure, but maybe some sort of poodle or Maltese. He’s small with fluffy, white fur!”
Mía and Amy cooed at that before each looking over at Carlos, the last to recount his day.
Carlos spoke up rather softly for the usually out-spoken choreographer.
“Uhm, well I guess a good thing was that rehearsal was cancelled today so I was able to finish my homework early. But that also counts as a bad thing: rehearsal being cancelled…” He sort of trailed off, conviction lacking in his voice almost as if he didn’t believe his own answer.
“Something on your mind, mijo?” Mr. Rodriguez asked, stealing the question out of Seb’s head.
“No, just tired.” He answered, hardly convincing anyone but settling the tension enough so they could all move on. All except Seb, of course, who figured they were the one to put a damper on Carlos’s flame in the first place and who anxiously awaited for dinner to be over so he could explain everything.
---
After Carlos finally begged his parents to give him one night with his boyfriend instead of playing Just Dance as a family (plus Seb, who—let’s be honest—was an honorary Rodriguez), the two found themselves in Carlos’s room.
Seb made their way onto Carlos’s bed which held the iconic blue comforter: the same one in Carlos’s Utah-worthy “viral” video. Seb closed their eyes and faked a yawn.
“I could fall asleep right here.” He announced.
Carlos approaches them, standing beside his bed with a fond smile before it drops slightly after remembering how strange Seb had been acting.
“Not until you tell me what's going on… It isn’t like you to keep secrets.”
Carlos carefully climbed onto his bed next to Seb, as if he was afraid that they would lash out at any minute.
Seb sighed meekly, eyes still closed. They’ve already put it off this long but his sinking stomach told him it wasn’t long enough.
Not picking up on Carlos’ tense entrance, Seb glanced up at him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Their head rested onto Carlos’s chest as he let their eyes fall closed again.
“Not yet.” Seb mumbled into the oversized flannel they didn’t notice Carlos had stolen.
Carlos only reluctantly sighed as he mindlessly ran his fingers through Seb’s golden locks.
A comfortable silence passed through them and coated the room with only the sounds of synced breathing and Carlos’ family’s laughter from below.
---
An hour had passed of Carlos’ hand running through Seb’s hair as he scrolled through his phone with the other. Seb had practically melted into Carlos; his presence felt warm and sweet as it eased away their nerves. They knew they couldn’t stay like this forever, although he desperately wanted to.
Seb’s mind raced for the best way to tell Carlos. It flickered between elaborate riddles (keeping in mind their boyfriend’s love language being such), simple three word sentences and long monologues edging on anxious rambles.
Eventually, his mind fell upon one video from before the winter break: the East High Drama Club’s first Instagram post. More specifically, Seb was reminded of a certain line Carlos sang.
Lifting their head so that his chin was resting on Carlos’s chest, Seb looked at his boyfriend with a soft—and slightly anxious—smile. They were met with a similar expression, minus the nerves.
“Everything okay, princess?” Carlos asked.
Seb’s cheeks involuntarily flushed at that and he nodded. “Do you remember that video we filmed for the drama club before winter break?” They asked back.
“Yeah, of course.” Carlos tilted his head slightly, not understanding why or how that was relevant. “Why do you ask?”
A slow breath left Seb as a poor attempt to calm them down. “Do you mind if we watch it?”
A mildly-confused Carlos nodded as he pulled up the Instagram page and scrolled to the bottom. Pictures of their smiling friends filled the screen. Carlos turned his phone landscape in front of them and pressed play.
“Ladies, gentlemen, and however else you identify–” Carlos welcomed on the video.
“Now’s your chance,” Seb told himself. Their stomach lurched in response and their whole body seemed to shut down. He could feel the blood pumping in their feet as it synced with his beating heart. Nope, nope, nope; he couldn’t do it.
Kourtney’s face lit up the screen shortly; her happiness oozing out of the screen and they were reminded of her encouragement.
“What’s stopping you?” She had said only a couple hours ago. She said it as if it was nothing, when really, it changed Seb’s whole perspective. This moment wasn’t for Carlos. It was for Seb. It was for them to share a piece of something close to his heart with someone that was even closer. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how Carlos reacted. It was about the fact that Seb told him—if they could even do that.
Broken out of his daze by an amused scoff, Seb readjusted their mind to the video. Nini and Ricky sang about how “It’s winter break but they’ll never break apart” and Seb couldn’t help but laugh at the irony as well.
The video ended and a part of Seb relaxed while another was still screaming at him for missing their cue. If this were a theater performance, the music would be vamping with no end in sight. Static nerves coursed down Seb’s limbs. They took a shaky breath and tried to calm themself down. This is Carlos we’re talking about. The boy who is so effortlessly in love with them and not afraid to show it to anyone who so much as glances their way.
“Sebby?” The butterflies in his stomach were enough to snap them out of their head. “Is everything okay?”
Seb didn't want to lie, so he just nodded. “Can you play it again?”
“The video? Yeah, uhm, sure, hold on.” Carlos hit play.
Seb was going to do it this time. He had to. He wanted to.
“Ladies and gentlemen–” Seb inhaled.
Exhaled. “Or however else you identify–”
“That's me.” Seb’s voice came out much softer than intended but he said it. And it felt so good to just say it. They didn't realize how much they needed to tell Carlos until now and, wow, it felt good. Freeing.
“What? You don't come in for a few more minutes–” Carlos trailed off and his face melted into recognition. “Oh. Oh.”
Seb’s heart was racing; Carlos paused the video and set his phone beside him. “You mean– You’re “however else you identify”?”
Seb nodded with tears forming in his eyes. He couldn't help it. They weren't tears of sadness, or even happiness; they were tears of pure relief. “Is that okay? I mean, like, do you accept me?”
“Do I accept you? Of course, I do, Sebastian! Did you think I wouldn't? Nothing, and I mean nothing, in this whole world could stop me from loving you.” Carlos cupped Seb’s cheek and held eye contact. “You understand that, right?” Seb nodded. He felt a teardrop prickle his bottom lashes but didn't dare move out of Carlos’s hold.
“Oh, honey, don't cry! It’s okay, my love. I love you more than anything. More than celebrity twitter feuds. More than Miss Jenn's crazy love triangles.” Seb laughed past the lump in their throat. “More than Broadway. More than Gina’s chocolate chip cookies. More than all of the stars in the whole galaxy.” A tear fell down Seb’s cheek. Carlos brushed it away with his thumb and smiled at them. His eyes held all of his love for Seb and it shined brighter than the sun to look at them. Seb couldn't look away. “Nothing will change that.”
“Thank you.” Seb whispered.
---
They stayed like that for a while: Seb in Carlos’s arms with Carlos whispering sweet nothings to them. Carlos was the first to break their silence.
“Is that why you've been acting off all day?”
It took a moment for Seb to fully process what he meant considering he was about two seconds away from falling asleep in the comfort of Carlos’s warmth. “Hm? Oh, uhm, yeah actually. I was really nervous to tell you and I don't know, I guess I just felt bad about keeping this secret from you. I'm sorry.”
“Do not apologize. It wasn't a secret, you just weren't ready to tell me yet. I am so so proud of you for telling me. I know that couldn't have been easy.” Carlos ran his fingers through Seb’s hair.
“I wanted to ask though–” Seb looked up at him. “What do you want me to call you? Like… Do you have a new name or pronouns? What kind of compliments do you like? Do you do labels and if so which ones—”
Seb couldn't help but giggle at the flood of questions. “One at a time, please!” They said through laughs. Carlos laughed along with them and gave a string of apologies.
Once the two caught their breaths, Seb began answering them. “I guess I would identify as non-binary. I'm not a guy, or a girl. Sometimes I'm both, and sometimes I'm neither. I don't really know what you would call that if there's a more specific label. All I know is that I like they/them pronouns but he/him still feels comfortable for me too. Same with my name. I don't really need a new one because I’m still me. I’m just Seb. As for compliments and stuff, any of them are okay coming from you, but in general I prefer neutral ones. Does that answer your questions?”
Carlos nodded and it was clear he was hanging onto every word they were saying. “One more.”
“What is it?”
“Can I still call you my boyfriend?”
“Oh! Yeah! If you want to.” Seb replied.
“If I want to?” Carlos repeated.
Seb went quiet for a beat. There's been something else on their mind that they didn't want to bring up. He was scared that if he did, Carlos would break up with them.
“Bas, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Carlos tapped their forehead playfully to hide their anxiousness. “Talk to me.”
Seb paused, trying to formulate exactly what was on his mind into coherent thoughts. “You're gay, right?”
Carlos couldn't help but laugh a bit at that. “Yes, very.”
“And that means you're a guy who likes guys…”
“Where are you going with this?” Carlos had a feeling he knew.
“Well, I guess it's just… I don't want to invalidate that by being nonbinary and also I don't know if it's weird for you or anything.” Seb couldn’t help but ramble with all the thoughts racing through their head.
“Let me stop you right there.” Carlos interrupted. “I’m not dating you because I want to date a guy; I’m dating you because I want to date you.”
Seb laughed nervously. “That's exactly what Kourtney said.”
Carlos smiled at them. “Well then Kourtney is very smart because it’s true. Labels only mean as much as you want them to. For me, being gay is liking nonwomen, but even if it didn't, it wouldn't matter. I am stupidly in love with you. I've found my person. I don't need to worry about my potential dating pool anymore because you're the only person for me.”
Seb’s cheeks turned red as they buried their head into Carlos’s chest. “I love you so much.”
Carlos smiled and ruffled their hair. “I love you more, my sweet. Forever and always.”
Seb looked up at Carlos with a smile.
"I love the makeup, by the way. It's so you. I love it." Seb didn't have the words to tell him how much that meant so they pulled him into a kiss. It was sweet and warm. A sunset in a sensation. It was perfect.