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lost without you

Summary:

'i'm sorry' he breathed deeply, the smell of leftover tobacco filling his nose. stray tears dripped into shoko's hair and vanished a second later, nothing but a wet feeling left as a reminder of what happened.

'it's not your fault' shoko buried her head further in his nech trying and miserably failing to hide her tears.

'who else's if not mine. i noticed him acting weird. i could have talked to him, i could have tried to help him' satoru squeezed her waist tighter. he knew he was hurting her but he couldn't stop.

shoko keeps quiet but there's something left unsaid, hanging heavily in the air. it would help them, ease their minds. neither of them can quite figure out what that is, though, so it is left unsaid.

-

[my adaptation of shoko and gojo reacting/coping with geto turning against them (stuff from manga chap 78)]

not betaed so any mistakes are mine. please point them out i'm begging you. i wrote and edited this in like 20 minutes

Notes:

i don't own any of the characters mentioned in this.

please point out any mistakes.

thanks for reading hope you like it :)

Work Text:

"what..."

"don't make me repeat myself. suguru massacred the village he went to and now he's on the run." yaga-sensei was, for the first time since he met the man, avoiding eye contact. 

suguru did what? why? was that why he was acting weird?

"no yeah, i heard you'."

"... there's nothing left in suguru's home anymore, but going by the blood stains and remains… he likely attacked his parents as well."

"there's no fucking way he did… !!!"

"satoru," yaga-sensei heaved a deep breath before continuing, "i… i don't get why this is happening either, but figuring that out right now won't help us. we need to figure out a way to stop suguru from continuing. go talk to shoko, take a break and try to stay in control of your head."

 


 

shoko reacted as well as he expected her to. she didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. they've known each other for long enough to have picked up on subtle clues. besides, not much escaped six eyes. 

they were in a mostly abandoned corner of the school yard. satoru had long since slid down the wall of the hut behind him, sitting on the floor hunched over himself. 

shoko joined him not long after and he pulled her into his lap. and that's how they sat for an hour.

two, three, four, five…

they didn't say a thing, just sitting there with their heads buried in the other's neck, hiding away from he ever-present eyes of fate. 

"i'm sorry." he breathed deeply, the smell of leftover tobacco filling his nose. stray tears dripped into shoko's hair and vanished a second later, nothing but a wet feeling left as a reminder of what happened.

"it's not your fault." shoko buried her head further in his neck trying and miserably failing to hide her tears.

"who else's if not mine. i noticed him acting weird. i could have talked to him, i could have tried to help him." satoru squeezed her waist tighter. he knew he was hurting her but he couldn't stop.

shoko kept quiet but there was something left unsaid, hanging heavily in the air. it would have helped them, would have eased their minds. neither of them could quite figure out what that was, though, so it was left unsaid.

(they figured out what should have been said. years later. neither of them said it)

 


 

the two of them walked back to their rooms in silence. 

once, living just a room apart was a blessing to the trio. now, the duo wished they could stay away from each other. miles, cities, countries apart. just so they didn't have to remember that there once was someone else wih them, someone there to comfort them and help them through stuff like this.

as it was, though, they entered their rooms, just a door apart. shoko threw her backpack into some corner by her shelf and fell onto the bed, curling up and desperately trying to hold back broken sobs, if only for satoru's sake. 

satoru threw his back in similar fashion and sat down on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. his hands buried themselves in his hair, gripping it tight, tightertightertighteryoudeserveittighteritghter

he squeezed his eyes shut in hopes of blocking out the memories. the palms of his hands dug into his eyes but now he could hear. he could hear shoko's badly surpressed sobs, he could hear his own heartbeat, the sound of his tears (when had he started crying?) hitting the floor, the sound of his heartbeat thrumming in his chest. 

his hands moved back up to cover his ears and now he saw again. saw the happy times he spent with shoko and suguru, when they messed with their senpai or kohai, when they met up at the bride to smoke or drink or just relax, when he and suguru would spar during training, shoko standing at the side and counting their wins and losses to determine which one she should bully next (they figured that out rather quickly. they tried to tie as often as possible)

but all things must come to an end. bad memories started flooding his head. when the bloodlust in sugurus eyes reached its' maximum and satoru could do nothing but watch and dodge the angry swings suguru threw at him. when he started noticing something wrong with suguru. the way he held himself, the way he talked, walked, acted. it was wrong

and he did nothing. 

he didn't talk to suguru, didn't tell shoko or yaga or suguru's parents, his own parents or hell even nanami could have helped. but he did nothing. he stood by and watched as suguru changed. 

he is the reason why suguru betrayed them.

his hands desperately clawed at his lids as if trying to gouge out his own eyes (and he actually found that more appealing that watching the memories flash before his eyes, unable to stop them).

shoko's crying has gotten louder. she didn't try to surpess it anymore. mutters left her lips together with the sobs. small 'why's and 'no's and 'please's. 

and it didn't stop.

make it stop stop stop stopstopstopstopstop STOP

with a flash, gojo disappeared from his room. he landed in an abandoned warehouse, somewhere far, far away from the school. 

he let his cursed energy run wild. rubble started floating around, falling into hundreds of pieces upon contact with the ruins of the walls (similar to gojo's own heart, funnily enough). the pieces started floating and the proces started all over again until noting but sandlike remains were left. the air started flashing in bright, overwhelming colors. there was a ringing in his ears, like white noise. his mouth flooded with the taste of blood, ash and vomit. it hurt

why did suguru turn on them

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