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Marina ran down the stairs as fast as she could, bag clutched in her hand. Lady Featherington came rushing into the foyer after hearing the noise. “What is all of this commotion about Miss Thompson?” She asked indignantly, the face of confusion. That is until she saw the bag. The two women made eye contact, and all was known. “You’re…”
“Gretna Green,” Marina confirmed. “We shall be married within days.”
Lady Featherington stepped out of her way, and Marina thought she saw pure happiness on the women’s face. Marina would have liked to believe that it was happiness for her, however she knew it was much more likely to be happiness over her family’s reputation being saved. Marina shook off these thoughts and continued out the door.
The carriage was ready. She saw Colin standing beside it, his own bag in hand and waiting to depart. He gave her a happy, honest, smile. Marina shook off more thoughts, over how this marriage was going to be built on anything but honesty. When she had made her way over to her soon-to-be-husband, the man took her into a warm embrace and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.
“Colin Bridgerton, I thought that you were a gentleman?”
“Well, we are about to be married. I thought it was fitting,” he said with a charming smile. “Speaking of, we should be leaving. I have a feeling mother is onto us and I’m sure she will find some way to stop us.”
Marina nodded and let the man help her into the carriage, shaking off yet more horrible thoughts on how much her in-laws already hated her and about how they would hate her even more in the not-so-distant future.
Only moments after their carriage had set off, Marina heard the distant yelling.
“Colin Bridgerton! You will stop this minute!”
Marina’s heart leapt in her chest, for fear that the carriage driver may stop. Colin must have sensed her unease and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. “It’s alright, I told the driver to keep going, no matter what. I may also have slipped him a slight monetary incentive. Nothing can stop us now.” Colin started to laugh, as if they were on some grand adventure – which Marina supposed this was to him – and she laughed along, hoping her acting skills were good enough.
With her heart still hammering, her hand clutched in Colin Bridgerton’s, Marina’s mind began to wander back to her conversation with Penelope. She shouldn’t have been so mean and- No. Marina was not going to let herself feel guilty about this. She was doing what she had to do, not only for herself but for her child. After banishing those thoughts from her mind, Marina started to think of the other things that Penelope had said – That there was a chance George still loved her… Her heart ached at that thought. Although everything she had said to Penelope was still true, she had made her choice, her only choice. Nothing can stop us now…
…
Violet was fanning herself with her son’s letter, trying to calm herself down. She hadn’t mentioned anything to the rest of her children about their brother’s departure, the youngest of them not even realising the missing piece of the puzzle that was their family. Even Eloise was unusually quiet about it, although by the looks she kept giving her mother she may have connected the dots already.
“Good morning everyone,” Anthony said as he walked into the room, unusually cheerful. Violet dreaded to think how sower his good mood was going to become upon seeing the letter clutched in her hand.
“Anthony dearest, will you come over here please?” Violet put the biggest smile possible on her face, trying to keep things subdued. It didn’t seem to be working, as her eldest son’s face had already hardened into its usual frown.
Anthony walked over to her. “What is it mother?” He kept his voice down, seemingly feeling that this was a conversation not for little ears.
Violet passed him the letter, if it even could be called a letter. A note was a better description, with the whole thing being only four sentences long.
My Dearest Family,
Myself and Miss Thompson simply couldn’t contain ourselves and have decided to get married sooner rather than later. Much sooner in fact, as we have left for Gretna Green. I’m aware that your levels of unhappiness may vary, with some of you being glad for us, others upset that you will not be there to witness the happy occasion and possibly a few of you being angry that I am going through with this at all. I hope that things will have calmed down by the time my new wife and I return to the city as we would love to celebrate our union with all of you then.
Your loving son and brother,
Colin.
Violet watched her older son’s eyes widen as he scanned the page. His mouth opened and closed a handful of times, seemingly trying to pry words out of his throat.
Please don’t yell…
“Is he mad!?” Anthony yelled.
“What is happening?” Young Hyacinth asked her mother and brother.
“Nothing, dearest,” Violet said, again trying to keep things subdued.
However, Eloise then decided that this was then the perfect moment to pipe up. “Is this about Colin and Marina?”
“What about Colin and Marina?” Gregory asked inquisitively.
“They’ve gone to Gretna Green to get married,” Eloise said simply.
Both Hyacinth and Gregory made noises of excitement and surprise.
“How did you know that?” Anthony asked.
“Penelope came over and told me last night after she’d overheard Marina and her mother speaking. She was rather upset about it.”
“Of course she’s upset. I am too!”
It was at that moment Benedict came in. “Why is everyone yelling at this early hour?” He asked, hands on his hips.
“Colin and Marina have gone to Gretna Green to get married!” Gregory exclaimed.
Benedict seemed to ponder this for a moment. “Good for them,” she said eventually, grabbing a muffin and taking a bite out of it.
“That’s all you have to say? Good for them?!”
“Well they’ve gone now there’s hardly anything we can do about it.”
It was at this moment the room truly descended into chaos. All of her children were yelling, with Gregory just happy for his older brother, Hyacinth upset that she couldn’t be there, Benedict repeating ‘there’s nothing we can do’ over and over again and Anthony… being all Anthony about things.
“Enough!” Violet yelled, knowing that she had to get her family back under control. Her children fell silent, all eyes now on her. She cleared her throat. “As benedict has said, there is nothing we can do about it. Colin has made his decision and we can all either get on board, or risk losing him forever.” Everyone was silent for a moment.
“But… there has to be something we can do?” Anthony said desperately.
“We shall send word to Daphne and the Duke and then I will go and visit Lady Featherington to plan a party to be held upon the happy couple’s return.” And with that Violet shook herself off and left the room to do what she always did, deal with the problems her family had made.
…
Marina looked in the mirror in the Bathroom of the small inn that she and Colin were staying in. She felt rather strange in her simple white dress, partly because a piece of her had always hoped for something a bit grander on her wedding day. Her hand fell on her slowly growing stomach, which was still just small enough that she could keep it hidden with her newly tailored dresses. Lady Featherington had said she’d been rather lucky with just how small her baby still was and that many women would be much bigger at her stage.
Marina gave her stomach a stroke, which was starting to become a bit of a coping mechanism. She had caught herself out doing it in public once or twice, although she’d seemed to have caught herself before anyone noticed.
“Everything’s going to be just fine now,” she whispered lightly. “We’re going to be okay.”
In the back of her mind, Marina was still riddled with guilt – guilt over George, over what she’d said to Penelope, over what she was doing to Colin – however she had to keep those thoughts at bay and remember who she was doing this for. And besides, Colin was a good man and she would ensure that she was a good wife to him. They would be happy together – they made each other laugh and enjoyed each other’s company and he would forgive her… eventually… hopefully.
Marina was pulled out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. “Are you decent?” She heard Colin ask through the dark wood. She adjusted her dress slightly, gave a swish in the mirror to ensure that everything was okay, and then opened the door. Colin greeted her with a smile. “Ready?” He asked, offering his arm. She nodded and tried to match his wide grin.
Later, as Marina was saying her vows, all that was going through her mind was; please forgive me, please forgive me, please forgive me…
…
Marina woke up to her face being smothered in kisses. She grinned, stretching in the morning light streaming in through the window. “Good morning Mrs Bridgerton,” were the first words she heard. They were muttered against her cheek.
“Good morning Mr Bridgerton,” she replied, wrapping her arms around her new husband’s neck and grinning. This time it wasn’t a forced grin, she was genuinely happy. Her emotions may have been a mess however she was going to allow herself at least this moment to bask in happiness with her new husband.
“You took ages to wake up.”
“Well what do expect? I was exhausted after last night,” she giggled.
Colin also let out a laugh, continuing to cover her face in light kisses before moving onto her lips.
“You know, we still have a bit until we have to leave,” Colin muttered between kisses. “We could stay in bed for a few hours yet…?”
Marian pulled away for a moment, looking right into Colin’s eyes. “Nothing would make me happier.”
…
Dearest Reader,
It seems that we have had another swift wedding in the Bridgerton household. Mr Colin Bridgerton and the new Mrs Marina Bridgerton are reportedly married. Rumours are the two young love-birds ran away to Scotland in the dead of night without so much as a word to either family. Of course, much like his younger sister’s recent nuptials, we have to wonder if there was something more than just deep love guiding the two towards the alter so quickly?
…
Marina stepped out of the carriage, helped by Colin, and into the company of the entire Bridgerton family along with Lady Featherington, Penelope, Prudence and Philippa. The Bridgerton’s all had forced looking smiles on their faces, all except for the new Lord Bridgerton, who, now that Marina thought about it, she had not once seen smile. Penelope looked as sullen as she had the night Marina had left (please forgive me, please forgive me…) and the rest of the Featherington’s were smiling. Prudence and Philippa embraced her with noises of excitement and joy for her – they may not be the brightest however they were endlessly sweet – and Lady Featherington embraced her and gave quick, whispered ‘well done’ in her ear. Marina’s heart grew at the praise, although part of her knew that the Lady did not truly care for her, only for herself and her family’s reputation.
Penelope gave Colin a hug and Marina barely a look as they moved onto her husband’s family. After calling the Duke and Duchess by their official titles, she was scolded by her new sister-in-law. “Please, Daphne is just fine. We are family now aren’t we?”
She received similar words from Lady Bridgerton – who insisted yet again that she call her Violet – however received no such niceties from Colin’s older brother, who seemed to think that Lord Bridgerton was suitable (please forgive me, please forgive me…)
Marina tended to stay out of the conversation for the rest of that day, trying hard to play the part of over-joyed newlywed and not a nervous soon-to-be mother who had tricked a man into marriage. There was talk of the party that would take place that night in honour of their recent marriage, of the dresses and the cakes and all of the finery that would be featured. One of the few times Marina spoke up was asking Lady Featherington if there had been any word from her father. The women paused for a moment before, “I have sent word to him however we haven’t heard anything back. Not to worry, I’m sure he is as overjoyed by the news as the rest of us.” Marina just sat back, praying for that to be true.
…
The party was a blur as were the rest of the next few days of house hunting and moving into their gorgeous townhouse. Daphne was incredibly kind towards her, probably wishing for someone to talk to of the joys of newly wed life, however things between her new sister-in-law and her famous ‘love-match’ seemed strained. At the queen’s garden party – which Marina could not believe she’d found herself at, clinging to the arm of what was once the most eligible bachelor in the ton – when asked of a Hastings heir, the Duke’s answer was plain and simple however Daphne looked close to tears as her husband spoke. Then the Queen turned on them.
“And what of our new Mr and Mrs Bridgerton, any hopes of two grandchildren for the late Lord and Lady by the end of the year?”
Marina kept her mouth shut, out of worry that she may give herself away.
“There are no plans as of yet, however if something were to happen we would of course be overjoyed,” Colin answered, pulling Marina into his side. She simply smiled and nodded, seeing Lady Featherington looking at her out of the corner of her ever watching judging eye, ensuring that Marina was not going to mess this up for them. Marina supposed that she got the Lady’s actions at this point. At the end of the day, she was a mother trying to get her children the very best life she could – and Marina could most definitely relate to that.
(Just a few more weeks and then you can tell, just a few more weeks and then you can tell…)
Days later at the opera, trying to keep herself awake, Marina saw yet another sign that the Duke and Duchess’s marriage may not be as perfect as it once seemed. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Daphne running out of her booth with tears in her eyes. Violet soon followed, however the Duke stayed in place, his eyes seeming far away and distant. Marina looked away before anyone could see her staring, knowing that she was not one to judge the state of another’s marriage.
The next day when Daphne invited her over for tea, Marina again noticed that something was off. Not noticeably in what the Duchess was saying but in the faraway look in her eye, much like the one the Duke was sporting the other night at the opera. She let Daphne jabber on about her upcoming ball in the next few weeks, which was due to be the ending and biggest party of the season.
(Just a few more weeks and then you can tell, just a few more weeks and then you can tell…)
…
“Have you heard word from your father yet?” Colin asked her as they were lying in bed together.
“Only a brief letter asking about finances… nothing more,” she sighed, trying not to let her disappointment show. Although she was used to her father’s coldness, it still cut deeply that he hadn’t even deigned to visit or congratulate his only child on their marriage.
“…And your mother?” Colin asked.
“Dead… has been for years.”
Colin reached over and took her hand in his. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
“How could you have done, I never told you… we barely know each other come to think of it.”
Colin looked rather taken aback by her statement. “That’s never seemed to bother you before…”
“I know… it’s just my father-” and the fact that I’m carrying another man’s child “-I thought that he would at least visit me.”
“You’re not close then?”
Marina shook her head sadly. “Why do you think he pawned me off on my distant relatives?” She took a deep breath before continuing to explain. “My mother died in childbirth and he has always blamed me. And worst of all I’m a woman so I can’t even help around the farm… I grew up completely alone,” she tried to keep the tears from breaking through. It had been like this her whole life, why was she still so upset about these things?
Colin was silent for a moment before he leant over and kissed her softly. “We may not know much about each other, however every new thing I learn just makes me love you more.”
“And I you…” (Please forgive me, please forgive me)
…
Visiting the Bridgerton household became a regular occurrence, either during the day or for dinner, and Marina actually started to feel at home with them. Violet fussed over her as she imagined a mother might do, Benedict was always kind and funny, Eloise always had an interesting take on a conversation and even Anthony seemed to be warming up to her. The Featherington’s came over for dinner occasionally, Penelope – at least superficially – seeming to have forgiven her. Philippa giggled about Mr Finch, who she seemed to be courting again after Marina’s marriage had saved the family financially. Everything was going… fine.
It was on the day of the Hasting’s ball that Marina got to meet Francesca, Colin’s sister who had been away practicing piano forte with their aunt all summer. Fran was… just like the rest of the Bridgerton family – perfect. It could get annoying sometimes, how perfect this family was, how much they enjoyed each other’s company and doing things together. Occasionally she felt as if some of this love and affection must be fake and for show, however even in their worst moments there just seemed as if there was so much love in this family, so much security. Marina occasionally felt as if she were a part of that love and those moments were so wonderful she almost forgot everything was a lie.
That day, as she watched Colin singing and playing with his younger siblings, she really forgot for a moment that the day was coming when he was going to realise that she was nothing more than a scheming liar. When he grabbed her hands and they started to dance along to Fran’s piano playing, as he walked her back to their home to prepare for the ball, although she was so incredibly happy every moment was tinted with the bittersweet sensation of lies. Because at the end of the day that’s all she was… a disgraced, defiled, liar.
…
Every piece of food that Marina looked at that night made her feel sick. Although feeling sick wasn’t a rarity in her life – due to pregnancy, worry and guilt – tonight was particularly bad. She knew that Colin was starting to become suspicious, as she’d turned down every dance that night and hadn’t even touched her food.
Then, she felt the bile rising in her throat. She covered her mouth with her hand to try and quell the feeling as Colin reached over, grabbed her hand and asked if she was okay. She didn’t risk answering, afraid that she might throw up on her husband. Instead she simply ran as fast as her legs could carry her to the nearest bathroom. As she lifted up her the seat and expunged what felt like roughly ten days’ worth of food she heard a rapid knocking at the door.
“Marina, are you in there, what is wrong, are you alright!?” She heard Colin saying worriedly. As she flushed away her sick and straightened up her dress she quickly did the mathematics in her head… it had been long enough. She could tell.
She put on her best smile and opened the bathroom door to see Colin’s worried face. “I’m fine. Wonderful, actually.”
“Wonderful? But- but when you ran off you looked as if you were about to be sick?”
“And I was, but for the most wonderful reason. I am with child.” As she said those words, Marina felt a weight being lifted off of her shoulders – not every weight that she was dealing with, but a significant one anyway.
She watched Colin’s face carefully. “Al- Already?” He asked, seeming amazed.
“I was surprised too,” Marina lied swiftly. It was scary how good she’s gotten at that, lying.
Colin just stood there for a moment, seemingly unsure of what to say.
“Are- are you not happy?” Marina asked. One of the largest factors in her choosing of Colin was that he seemed to be good with children, to want children, however if she’d gotten that wrong…
“No! Of course I’m happy just…” he said and then paused for a moment, a smile growing over his face. “A baby,” it seemed as if the news was finally starting to properly sink in (please be happy, please be happy). “We’re going to have a baby… it is wonderful- wonderful!” Then he swiftly picked her up and broke into a spin, laughing with wild abandon. He seemed so happy the Marina couldn’t help but join in with his laughter and enjoy the moment.
As quickly as he had picked her up he set her down, a look of worry now setting upon his face. “Goodness, sorry I shouldn’t have done that. You’re fragile and you’ve just been sick-”
“Not to worry,” Marina replied, a smile on her face. “I am just fine I’m just… happy that you are happy.”
“Of course I am happy,” he said before taking her face in his hands and kissing the breath out of her, which can’t have been an incredibly pleasant experience since her mouth still tasted of sick. He let go of her face and then took her hand in his. “We must tell everyone immediately!”
“But… this is you’re sister’s night, shouldn’t we-”
“We delayed announcing our engagement on her wedding day, that should be enough. And I’m just so bursting with happiness that I must tell everyone!” Colin then started dragging her back towards the party.
However when they arrived it seemed as if everyone had congregated by the entrance to the garden. Marina soon discovered why, a rain shower had started and everyone had gotten out of it as fast as they could… Everyone except from the Duke and Duchess who were still standing out there, looking at each other and conversing as if no one else were around. Perhaps, Marina thought, everything would be alright between them. They looked at each other with such honesty in their eyes, and isn’t that what every union should be built on? (Please forgive me, please forgive me…)
Lady Danbury then suggested that everyone leave the Duke and Duchess to it and the guests started to file out of the elaborate house. Marina, Colin, the Bridgerton’s and Featherington’s all made their way back to the Bridgerton household – Marina and Colin arm-in-arm with him sneaking her joyous glances every few seconds (please forgive me, please forgive me).
Philippa followed happily arm-in-arm with Mr Finch and Penelope and Eloise were gripping onto each other’s arms as if for dear life – they really were so close those two.
After-party drinks and cakes were served as everyone laughed and made merry with each other. Colin gripped onto her hand and gave it a quick squeeze before standing up and tapping on his glass to get the attention of the room. All eyes suddenly turned towards them.
“We have some news,” Colin started, bringing his hand down to Marina to help her stand up next to him. “Marina and I are to have a baby.”
The room erupted into glorious noises of shock and surprise, the whole Featherington family doing their best acting and pretending like they too had only just found out. The Bridgerton family – unlike when she and Colin had returned from their wedding – seemed truly happy for them, with Violet running up to congratulate them and crying about how she was going to have her first grandchild. Colin’s siblings seemed overjoyed by the idea of a niece or nephew, with even Anthony giving them a word of congratulations. Lady Featherington, much like on her return from getting married, walked up and embraced Marina with a whisper of ‘well done’. Penelope didn’t say anything, however played along and acted the part she was meant to be playing. Marina threw her a smile which she hoped said ‘thank you’ in a better way than words ever could.
Benedict then decided it would be proper to open another bottle in celebration with everyone hastily agreeing. That night they danced and sang and drank to their hearts content, celebrating the happy news. Marina couldn’t help it, she let herself get lost in happiness along with the rest of them – she’d had little time to celebrate the fact that she was with child, too overcome with guilt and fear to enjoy it – however that night she decided to throw all of that away and, for once, be happy.
Please forgive me, please forgive me, please forgive me…