Work Text:
Morgana sneaks into Camelot only once after she is forced out and off the throne by her dear brother. Though Morgause still lies in a cart, slowly decaying away, and there is little time to waste, she wants to do this. No: she needs to do this.
None of the guards notice a lowly servant girl with dark hair who walks amid the other servants, and peels off into the shadows before heading to the chambers that had once belonged to the now-disgraced Lady Morgana — Queen Morgana, by rights, until Arthur had taken the throne from her.
She wants her throne back, and she wants Gwen: she wants everything that Arthur has that should be hers. But until then, she will wait, and skulk in the shadows to observe Gwen ( her Gwen, before Arthur stole her, as well.)
Once, Gwen had been Morgana’s, and she had been Gwen’s in turn. Now Gwen is Arthur’s, and what does that make Morgana?
Morgana does not know, but as she slips into the chambers that she had previously kissed Gwen within, tears on their lips and desperate arms clinging to Gwen as if she was a piece of wood in a sea-storm, she intends to find out.
*
Gwen is exhausted when she returns to her chambers (Morgana’s chambers, in truth, but they became their chambers when Morgana kissed her, and now they are hers, for no others dare to go near them in fear of the spectre of Morgana that still remains, clinging to the very stone of the room) from the long, wearying work of fighting and trying to rebuild after Morgana’s invasion of Camelot.
It still does not seem right: Morgana was her lady, so beautiful and good, and the woman who sat on the throne had her face, but none of her nature. Gwen wishes she knew what changed in Morgana, during that long year when she was away, but she fears that she would not want to hear it for the horrors it might contain.
Each night that she sleeps in these chambers, she must confront the memory of Morgana that still lingers there. Each time she kisses Arthur, she feels guilty, as if she is betraying Morgana in some way.
But it was Morgana who betrayed her first.
*
She watches from behind a shadowy curtain as Gwen hurries to her bed through the chambers. The darkness is hers, and she sees better in it than she has ever seen in sunlight, now.
Perhaps once she had preferred sunlight, but now Morgana is the dark’s mistress, and she cringes from the sun.
Contrary to what Morgana had thought, Gwen does not go to sleep in the bed that had once been hers (that they had once shared.) Instead she watches as Gwen lies down in her smaller servant’s bed and her eyes close into sleep.
Once she is sure that Gwen is asleep, Morgana pushes the curtain hiding her aside and walks to stand over Gwen. She sees how Gwen’s breath comes out in clouds of steam, warm in the cold of the room, and how utterly vulnerable Gwen is when she sleeps, her eyes closed to shut out the cruel word.
If Morgana was still the kind girl she used to be, perhaps she would have whispered “I’m sorry,” over Gwen’s sleeping lips. But she has grown up, and her kindness has been stripped away from her.
Instead of an apology, she only holds two fingers above Gwen’s lips and feels warm breath touch her skin. Morgana feels as if she is stealing something holy and sacred, but she glories in it: if she is a thief, then so be it, she is a thief. She wonders if her brother ever feels as if he is stealing something from Morgana, when he kisses Gwen.
Most likely, he is dumb to the lingering vestiges of Morgana’s love still clinging to Gwen, but she knows that Gwen has no chance but to feel it remaining. Gwen has always remembered things, and that is why she will mourn so deeply. She cannot forget.
Does Morgana mourn for everything she has lost? Perhaps she does, else why would she be here in the first place?
Finally, she feels herself coming to her senses. She can never get Gwen back, for she has lost her forever to Arthur. And yet, pathetically, she still clings to those kisses given so desperately so long ago.
Morgana should leave and return to Morgause’s dying body, but she stays for a few more, lonely moments. It is then she realises that perhaps, her brother has won the battle for Gwen’s heart. And though Morgana may take the throne once again, she will never reclaim what she truly desires — Gwen’s love.
For Gwen is King Arthur’s, now, and will never be hers again.