Work Text:
Going to Kaminari for advice on car-buying was a mistake. Correction, letting Shouto trick him into showing up and letting Kaminari give them advice on car-buying was a mistake. It’s not his fault. Really. All the text said was ‘Meet me here’ a GPS location, and a car emoji. He interpreted that as ‘get here fast’ or ‘take a cab’ or something normal like that. But now, apparently this is about what he said six whole months ago when they were arguing over two ply versus one ply toilet paper like the disgusting married couple they are, and Katsuki mentioned that they could probably make grocery shopping a little easier if they had a car or something.
How was he supposed to know that this candy cane colored idiot would hold onto that fact, do nothing about it for months, and then spring this on him?!
Add 'sense of timing' to the list of things Shouto has no appreciation for. Subtlety (has the bluntest of knives ever been this blunt??), personal space when it comes to him (Katsuki doesn’t mind this one), and social cues (he is trying, and Katsuki will give him some credit) are already on this list. But now time itself. Fucking hell. If someone mentions something, and you want to do something about it. You do it, within a reasonable amount of time of it being mentioned. What the fuck is wrong with him?! What the fuck is wrong with Katsuki for being so head-over-heels in love with someone who acts like this...
So anyway, that’s why he finds himself outside of a car-dealership with his husband, the nut, his high school classmate, an even bigger nut. With no way out, and no foreseeable exit from this clownery.
“Katsuki, why do you look upset?” Shouto leans in closer to him, so Kaminari can’t hear, “If you’re hungry, I have a small snack in my bag.”
(Katsuki will never admit, even on his deathbed, how often Shouto’s dumb little ‘here have a snack’ trick has worked to get him to lay off something. How often Shouto leaning in, alone, his stupid closeness, can make him feel a little more at ease.)
“I’m not hungry, you fuck! I thought this was important! I left work to be here.”
“Your patrol was supposed to end fifteen minutes ago. I checked.”
“Fine! I left my pre-planned overtime to be here. You don’t get to be number one by slacking off.”
“Aha, way to put in the extra work Kacchan,” Kaminari butts into their conversation, “Plus ultra, am I right?”
This is going to be a long day.
“First of all, you guys can’t go in looking like that,” Kaminari explains. “Especially you.”
He approaches Shouto, and practically sniffs him, he gets so close, “You look way too wealthy. You even smell rich, what the heck, dude.”
“Oi, dunce-face, watch it. Don’t smell him. It’s weird.”
Also, a small voice in the back of Katsuki’s brain says, only I get to do weird shit to him.
“Hold on, I gotta text Mina and tell her it took you only five minutes to say something possessive.”
“Fucking fuck off. It’s not being possessive! You shouldn’t be smelling anyone! I can’t believe I have to say that!”
“You get what I mean though, right? No one’s going to give him a good deal looking like that.”
Bakugou sighs, “Like it even matters! He could walk in wearing nothing but a trash bag and people would still recognize him.”
Kaminari lets out a low whistle, “You know I really didn’t need that kind of insight into y'all's intimate life.”
How these people survive (and even thrive) with no braincells, Katsuki will never know.
“Alright, had enough of this, Shouto gimme your checkbook, I’m gonna go in and buy us a fucking car.”
Kaminari’s eyes widen so Bakugou decides to preempt another comment from him, “It’s his checkbook but it’s a shared account, so shut up.”
“Do you remember what kind of car I said I liked?” Shouto asks, even though the last time they spoke about this was six whole months ago.
“Huh? No sane person would possibly remember that, it was so long ago,” Katsuki bites back, not wanting to admit it.
“But do you remember it?” Shouto asks, that better not be a hint of a smile. He’s going to kill him. Then bring him back to life out of sheer spite. Then kill him again.
“Yeah,” Katsuki says under his breath. “Wait here.”
They get the car. A nice model, fitting for two pro heroes who earn a decent amount of money. A Toyota, since Shouto insisted on being a basic bitch. Four doors, because someone has to go pick up their friends when they get drunk and messy. Red, because red is the only acceptable car color (Eijirou agrees), and Katsuki has to get his way about something or it’s just embarrassing.
As terrible as it is to admit, Katsuki deeply enjoys having a car. Sure, public transit in the city is great, and you don’t need one. Even for long trips, you can definitely find a train that will take you wherever you want to go. But he likes joyriding, and driving fast (which happens rarely in the city, because of the demon that is traffic). Having an option is nice though.
He didn’t think he would like having a car this much. Especially since he can practically fly using his quirk. Shouto can’t. He’s tried, copying the way his dad uses fire to propel himself forward. With fire only on one side, the balance is all wrong, and it just looks, brilliantly stupid. Katsuki still has laughing fits every now and then thinking about him trying that. Good times.
The skating above a moving block of ice is probably Shouto’s closest approximation to good transport. It’s scarily efficient and fast. Plus, all the squatting that he does while doing that has made his ass fantastic and Katsuki doesn’t mind that either.
But Shouto can’t drive. There’s no real reason for it, apparently. Never had to, so never learned. Katsuki was taught to drive by his dad during the limited time off they got from school, and got licensed as soon as he could, so he didn’t have to ask his parents for rides to places ever, ever again.
Well, that’s not exactly true. The old hag tried to teach him, but that didn’t go well, so his dad took over and taught him instead. That went slightly better. Slightly. He could be a lot, back then.
Katsuki understands why Shouto wouldn’t learn it from his parents, things being the way they were. But why not go to a licensed driving school and learn it there? Even now, Shouto doesn’t even seem excited about it. He doesn’t seem to really care about the skill at all.
“You really want me to be able to drive, too?”
“I sure as hell am not doing all the work, and driving your ass around all the time.”
“If that’s what you want.”
That’s how they find themselves in the parking garage, on a Monday. They both have today off. Since most of the neighbors are at work, the garage is emptier than it usually is. Perfect for driving practice.
“Nine and three” Katsuki barks. “Keep your damn hot and cold hands, at nine and three.”
“We’ve been sitting here for half an hour,” Shouto complains, “When are you going to let me take the gear out of ‘park’?”
“When you can put your hands on the fucking wheel in the right position, and can name all the controls and what they do, without any mistakes. Okay let’s go again.”
“Windshield wiper, thermostat, fuel meter, this dial shows your speed…” Shouto repeats dutifully, even though he’s giving Katsuki the stink eye.
“Okay, that wasn’t absolute shit, now let’s review, what should you do if there’s ice on the road and your car starts to skid?”
“You’re asking me what I would do if there was ice on the road and something weird started happening with the car?”
“Don’t make me ask again!”
“I would thaw the ice and make the problem go away,” Shouto says, pleased with himself.
“Oi, is that what you’ll write on the written examination? I would make the problem go away. Fuck’s sake. You turn your wheel in the direction of the skid. Remember it.”
“But if this really happened, you would want me to use my quirk, right? To save myself and possibly hundreds of potentially skidding civilians driving around me?”
“Obviously.” Katsuki can’t tell at this point if Shouto’s doing this on purpose just to annoy him. Or if he’s just that Shouto about it.
Within the hour they drive small circles around the parking garage. Katsuki goes over reversing, without yelling too much (lies), and Shouto only knocks over all the yellow cones Katsuki brought here specifically for this one time before he gets it right. Okay, two times knocking over cones. If you count Katsuki getting mad, activating his quirk and one getting blasted. But that was technically Shouto's fault too.
“Right, come on, road time,” Katsuki says.
“Already?”
“Sorry, do you need an invitation? Yes, now, let’s go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Shouto, we’ve been here long enough, you’re ready. You’re good. Shut up and drive.”
Shouto looks at him, with those eyes and Katsuki just knows.
“Fine, kiss me for good luck or whatever.” Katsuki mutters.
Shouto brightens up and leans to the left for his kiss. Katsuki will not admit this (can you sense the pattern, with him) but kissing Shouto is almost as nice the thousand and however many time as it was the first time. It just feels right. He can’t describe it. Like Shouto’s another part of him and he’s sort of, kind of coming home.
“Ready now,” Shouto says, narrowing his eyes, and shifting from park to drive. The way he says it reminds Katsuki of the kind of things Shouto says right before he lets someone really have it. He’s always found it hot, how easily Shouto can go from being plain and gentle to completely lethal.
For some reason (Katsuki is not complaining) he’s doing it now. When Shouto drives them out of the garage he drives like a different person. With finesse (well all the finesse a Toyota can manage). The engine practically purrs, and he makes it look so smooth, like he wasn’t knocking cones over just a half hour ago and making Katsuki regret having ever even been born.
The window is down a little bit, on the driver’s side, enough that the little bit of speed makes the wind blow back Shouto’s hair in a way that is nauseatingly dreamy. It’s criminally unfair how good Shouto can look, just driving down a local street. Thank god they didn’t get a convertible, so other people could see it too. And make eyes at him.
The monkey part of Katsuki’s brain just says mine and pretty. The higher order critical thinking part of his brain says focus and yell at him about driving mistakes. So he splits the difference and says nothing. It’s about time he got to enjoy a ride in this thing.
When they park they’re at U.A.
“I’m not getting out here,” Katsuki announces.
“We haven’t been here since graduation.”
“Yeah fool that was the point of that event.”
“I’m going inside just for a few minutes.”
“They won’t just let anyone in, even two pro-heroes and alumni,” Katsuki asserts, without any evidence to back him up.
It physically pains him to have to be wrong about this. To get out of the car and follow Shouto into a school. With kids. Sticky, smarmy kids. Potential mini-Dekus and mini-Kaminaris just waiting to get the jump on them.
“Oi! What did you even tell them to let us go in?”
“That I was here to fix Global Warming,” Shouto deadpans. Katsuki would bet real money that this joke came from Hanta Sero. A lot of fucking money.
“Uh-huh, ‘course you did.”
“I told them our names, and showed some identification” Shouto explains anyway. Even after giving bogus, or joke answers, he tends to do that. What a weirdo. His weirdo.
“That was enough? Huh. Security’s gotten lax around here.”
“There hasn’t been an incident in years,” Shouto shrugs. “Since we graduated.”
“Lucky fucking us.”
“Hey,” Shouto turns to him, suddenly concerned. “If you don’t want to be here, we can go back home.”
“No, fuck, Shouto I’m not traumatized by this place or some shit. I’m fine. I just meant it wouldn’t have been the worst thing if we didn’t live from crisis to crisis when we were here.”
“Agreed,” Shouto says.
Class is currently in session, so there’s no one in the hallways. They pass by the classroom for class 1-A. Aizawa still teaches, but not this particular class. Katsuki wishes he could remember which one it is. He owes that guy a lot. It’d be nice to see him.
“Icyhot, remember your first hero costume?”
“Of course, none of you will let me forget it.”
“What were you thinking...covering half of yourself in ice as a costume...I really…” Katsuki leans back against the lockers and lets out a fit of giggles, totally not becoming of him.
“Why am I the only one that can get you to laugh like that?” Shouto leans against the locker next to him, but he’s still taller, which is annoying.
“Hmph. You’re the only one who can get me to do a lot of things.”
“It’s because you love me.”
“Yeah. But don’t say shit like that when we’re in public.”
“I’m glad I make you happy,” Shouto remarks casually, and checks his watch. Katsuki’s always blown away by his blatant sincerity.
“Why do you need the time? Got a date later or something?”
“I’m driving my husband to dinner, actually.”
(Hearing Shouto call him that is never, ever going to get old. He wishes he could go back in time and tell his past self that one day he'll get a kick out of being Icyhot's husband. Life is funny.)
“Since fucking when?!”
“I texted Izuku to make the reservations while you were yelling at me about how to adjust the rearview mirrors.”
“Don’t we see that damn nerd enough at work?”
“Katsuki, it was your idea to team up with him.”
(It was, and no one will stop reminding him. It has nothing to do with his personal feelings. It was about putting together the most kick-ass team. That’s it.)
“Fine, fine. You can drive me to the damn thing. Already drive me insane.”
Somehow, somewhere along the line they became that couple that has pillow talk before going to bed. It’s such a known part of Katsuki’s routine now that if this half and half bastard dares to fall asleep before him he sometimes nudges him a little to see if he can wake up and have a little bit of it.
It’s nice to have someone to just talk to, especially someone you can wrap and cuddle around however you wish. Katsuki is not a cuddly sleeper, and whoever says that, is putting themselves at risk of bodily harm. He just likes the warmth, and Shouto provides it. Every part of Shouto is nice, and touchably soft, and good. Sue him.
He’s easy to talk to and takes Katsuki’s mind off of his frustrations with the world. He’s so wide eyed and innocent about some things and dangerously perceptive about others. He’s hard to keep up with and absolutely crucial to slow down for at once. He makes Katsuki want to laugh and tell him sweet things. A version of him from the past would have found it all disgusting.
Nights like this, he fucking loves it.
“Thanks for coming to school with me today.”
“You drove, practically abducted me.”
“Still.”
Sometimes, when Shouto breathes out, it tickles. Also, in this position, with one arm under Shouto and the other over him, their legs intertwined and pressed practically chest to chest, Katsuki’s arm is going to fall asleep. Or at least be sore, with Shouto’s weight leaning on it, if they stay like this all night. Letting go isn’t an option though. Not until Shouto falls asleep on him. Because he works so hard, feels so nice and Katsuki loves him.
“Hey,” Katsuki asks softly, pressing a light kiss against Shouto’s head, “How come you never learned how to drive, before?”
“Didn’t feel like it. Didn’t have one to use. Didn’t want to borrow his.”
“It was fun though, right?”
“Hmmm,” Shouto closes his eyes, and Katsuki squeezes him tighter to himself, “Wanted to go faster.”
“Next time I’ll take ya to the Tohoku expressway. There you can go a hundred and twenty. Our shitty car might not even be able to do it.”
“Believe in it,” Shouto chides. Believe in it. Fuck’s sake. This is some Deku shit.
“Go to sleep.”
“Katsuki, if I’m driving on an icy road, and the car skids, what direction do I turn the wheel?” Shouto mumbles drowsily.
“Direction of the skid.”
“Good that I have you. To remind me.”
There’s silence for a bit. All Katsuki can hear is the gentle whir of the fan. All he can see and touch and hold is Shouto. Shouto is his entire world. He feels a rare moment of pure peace.
“S’good, yeah,” Katsuki repeats, as he notices Shouto is finally asleep. “This is the good shit.”
The driver’s license Shouto gets is the first form of ID that takes his new legal name. (Other than obscure forms that nobody ever gets to see). Katsuki is sure that at least some part of Shouto’s urge to take his last name after they married is to say fuck you to his dad. He can respect that. Fuck you Endeavour is something he vibes with completely. But he wonders how much of it is for him.
It still weird him out when Shouto says things like Bakugou Shouto when people ask for his full name. He does things like almost choke out his drink or (once) actually start choking. He begs their friends to switch to using Shouto’s first name because he cannot handle Shouto turning his head when people say Bakugou. He cannot and won't handle it.
First of all, it’s not humanly possible to have acclimated to the new name so fast that he can respond to it. It’s just stupid. And unreal. But somehow, Shouto has done it.
So much so that Katsuki says things that he knows are childish like, “It was mine first. When our friends use it, it means ME!”
He likes the name on the ID though. Plus the fun fact that it will now get printed every time Shouto opens his mouth on TV, or gets accosted by a reporter. Take that, pro hero Shouto fangirls of the world. The proof is in the name itself. He’s fucking mine.
Seeing the ID feels an awful lot like winning. Katsuki was born for winning.
Katsuki’ll do a lot for Shouto. Things that he would never imagine himself doing in a million years. He threw a wedding party for Shouto. With people. He socialized, willingly, and didn’t make anyone leave, for over an hour.
Where it concerns the car, he even indulged Shouto’s fantasy of parking somewhere and having ~fun~ in the backseat.
He draws the line at vanity license plates. They have a license plate. There are four numbers on it, the name of the issuing office, and vehicle class code. That’s fucking fine. There’s no need to get one that says something dumb like Icyhot on it.
That’s just asking for people to find out where they live in their off-time and where they go.
The Ground Zero bumper sticker is a compromise. He is not not happy about the fact that Shouto picked his out of everyone else’s (practically everyone they know is a pro) when he ordered it.
They take their first real ‘road trip’ the next summer. Katsuki’s pretty damn pleased that he taught Shouto how to drive all that time ago. Because it means he can contribute. He’s a terrible passenger seat navigator anyway, so it’s better to have him drive and Katsuki can look at the directions on his phone and try to figure out shit.
They never really had a real honeymoon, the scheduling never worked out. So in a way, this is sort of it.
They stop a lot. Mostly because of Katsuki. They’ve come all the way out here, so they’re going to see everything there is to see.
It’s not the sort of life he’d thought he’d ever get to have. Married to someone he loves so much, and so relaxed and happy about it, holding their hand and looking out at scenic overlooks. At rolling hills and green fields.
He knows that this time off might cost him (and Shouto) a little in the hero rankings, but he’s not as upset about it as he thought he would be. Shouto seems happy, every time they stop, he tries new food. He looks content as he slurps noodles, always, always with the noodles. Makes it all worth it. It’s good to take him away from all of it and keep him completely to himself.
Shoving him so that he jumps in puddles and running around in the rain like idiots is fun too. Shouto’s never done that kind of stupid shit, he knows that. Katsuki’s done plenty as a kid. He could do whatever he wanted and felt like the king of his little world.
It might be ironic that Katsuki thinks that Shouto should live a little, given how much people still give him shit for his strictly enforced early high school bedtime. It’s just that nothing matters at all in the world when Shouto smiles, and Katsuki pursues those smiles with the kind of single minded tenacity with which he pursues everything.
You will be happy, damn it. So happy. With me.
The pillow fight in the hotel he starts on accident. Just annoyed with Shouto’s face in the moment and wanting to smack him with something. But the experience is something of the same thing as the puddles and the sneaking out, and getting rained on stuff. Childish shit. He used to smack Deku with pillows, a very long time ago. Back when they were actually friends and things were just easy because their moms brought them together and they could just play. Before Katsuki was mean in a way that isn’t his bluntness and harshness now. Just mean.
Shouto’s harder to beat than Deku was. Katsuki has to shout ‘no quirks’ more than once, because of course this idiot ices up almost like a reflex when they do anything that resembles ‘fighting’. At the end only one pillow gets singed and Shouto is laughing. That’s all that matters to him.
In the nights he kisses Shouto like he’s never kissed him before. Assures him about forever and calls him an idiot even when they’re so close. He tells him the things he knows Shouto desperately needs to hear and he normally has a hard time finding the words to say.
Fucking everything you do drives me crazy. (He elaborates on this more than he should, given the moment).
But...nothing you do could ever drive me away. (If he likes, Shouto can spend a lifetime with him and fruitlessly try).