Chapter Text
A blessing, most would call it. A bond that could only be described as that of souls. Unparalleled influence on each others’ lives. Pairs would feel more complete: more themselves.
Jaskier didn’t feel more complete. In fact, Jaskier felt as though his internal core had shattered rather completely. His legs only took him down the mountain on autopilot.
He had known it was possible that his bond was unrequited. He had certainly felt the repercussions of Geralt’s ambivalence before. This was far worse than he had even imagined. Geralt, for all his faults, had never been cruel. He could be a grouch, was overly blunt, and possessed a musk occasionally reminiscent of onions, but he very rarely struck where it hurt.
And yet this time the wedge Geralt stabbed into his heart was a hot iron, searing away the years of happy memories with the truth of his full dislike. For even though Jaskier no longer truly hoped for a fully requited bond, he never thought Geralt would go so far in the other direction in his eagerness to rid himself of Jaskier’s presence.
Even now as he slowly made his way down the mountain, he could feel himself slowing down as his body attempted to deal with the blow it had been dealt. He could only breath in shallow breaths and his heart felt like it was in a vice grip. There were only so many ways to deal with such a complete rejection from the one Destiny decided was a fated match.
One of those ways was ignoring it completely.
Just as Jaskier began to finally reach the foot of the mountain, having walked through the night, he blinked.
***
He woke up in a bed at the inn. He didn’t remember arriving, but the innkeeper said he’d seemed out of it when he arrived and was willing to give him a bed after having performed there several days prior.
***
Jaskier startled as a rabbit raced ahead of him on the pathway he was taking. The town had disappeared behind him. That was alright. He wasn’t waiting for anyone.
***
He was eating a stale dinner roll near a pond and couldn’t quite recall why that made him so sad.
***
It was the perfect time of year to head to the coast. Jaskier turned toward the hills instead without looking back.
***
A barmaid in the next town commented that his pants seemed a bit loose. Jaskier just frowned and moved on to the next town.
***
It really is difficult to find what you’re looking for when you know you can’t find it. There wasn't anything to find, after all.
***
He blinked again and found himself this time resting in a tree, perched on one of the lower branches with his lute pulled out. He put it away again and hopped down. He didn’t feel like playing much anymore.
***
He dreamed sometimes.
They weren’t happy dreams.
***
One day he didn’t quite manage to wake up.
***
That’s when she found him.