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It happened so quickly.
They had been fighting near a base at a high mountain area, one near a cliff. It was a stupid place to fight, Bucky had complained. Sam should’ve agreed.
It had been an ambush. They had hidden in wait for the terrorists to approach their base, shivering from the cold mountain air. Sam still remembered teasing Bucky for a kiss to warm themselves up. Bucky refused, claiming to need to wait for the mission to be over.
They had underestimated their opponents. They had gear, far more advanced than Bucky and Sam had thought they would have. Someone powerful must have been supplying them. Sam had to ask Sharon to look into it.
They had been separated, each holding their own against the terrorists that threatened to overwhelm them. Bucky had been closer to the cliff. Too damn dangerous. Why hadn’t he been the one there? He was the one who could fly, after all.
All it took was one coordinated attack.
One push.
And now Sam was fighting off a larger number of people, his eyes furiously scanning the cliffside. Perhaps Bucky had grabbed onto something, a branch, anything.
“Buck!” He screamed, and a burst of adrenaline allowed him to push back his remaining enemies. He ran to the cliff and jumped.
His wings spread and he boosted himself, his thrusters thrumming with power. He looked down. There. Folding his wings for maximum speed, he sped towards Bucky.
Getting closer, Sam squinted. It looked like Bucky had lost consciousness, his body limp as he plummeted to the ground. Fuck. He was pretty sure that even Super Soldiers couldn’t survive a fall from such a height.
It reminded him of someone else, another partner he’d had a lifetime ago.
Another partner. Another death. Another Rile-
Sam squeezed his eyes shut. No, he wouldn’t let them happen.
That’s what he’d said the last time.
“C’mon, c’mon…” Sam pleaded desperately as he got closer and closer. He reached out his arms. Hopefully he would be able to pull Bucky into his arms.
Sam was glad he had done this before. Head first. He reached out and cradled Bucky’s head, trying to ignore the spike of worry that he felt as Bucky gave no reaction.
Putting his arm firmly around Bucky’s neck now, he hooked his right arm under Bucky’s legs, praying fervently to whatever God there was that Super Soldiers were resilient enough to survive a sudden change of direction in mid-air without their neck snapping. He had to try.
Sam bit his lip, steeling himself for what was about to happen. Now. He swooped side-ways, narrowly missing a few jutting-out rocks from the cliff side. He felt Bucky’s weight land solidly in his arms, and was instantly grateful for all the work he’d done on his arms. Damn, Super Soldiers were heavy.
He went into a semi-controlled spiral, trying his best not to clip the trees below them. He snuck a glance behind them. The cliff was too far away for him to see it. The terrorists could be chasing them.
Finally, he caught sight of a small patch of ground that he could land on. Thank God. His arms were already protesting the weight that was put on them.
Sam faltered to the ground, wincing as a branch whipped across his face. Ah, fuck. He landed awkwardly, quickly folding his wings in so as to prevent more damage to the forest. Finally, he stumbled to a stop, Bucky’s body still limp in his arms.
He propped Bucky up on a nearby rock in a sitting position, before sitting down beside him, breathing heavily. Fuck, that was close. Sam grew alert as he realised that Bucky was shaking uncontrollably. From the cold?
Sam got up, crouching in front of Bucky. “Bucky?” He murmured worriedly. Bucky was still shaking, his head turning from side to side. His eyes were wide open, though he gave no sign of seeing his surroundings.
Sam had been a counselor for long enough to recognise the symptoms. Fuck. Sam cursed himself, before softly saying, “Buck.” He should’ve known. After all, Bucky had been taken by Hydra after falling from a height. The flashback probably started the instant he’d fallen off the cliff.
“H-hydra.” Bucky whispered, the terror in his voice imminent.
“Buck, you’re having a flashback,” Sam explained calmly, his basic training kicking in.
Bucky’s breathing grew quicker. “No- stop, please.”
“Bucky,” Sam continued. “You’re having a flashback. You’re in…” He paused. Where were they? “A forest, with me. Sam.” Sam added, “Your boyfriend. Now I need you to breathe slowly with me, okay? None of what you’re seeing is real.”
“Sam?” Bucky sounded so broken, and Sam felt his heart break.
“Yeah, it’s me,” Sam hurried to reassure Bucky, reaching out to take his shoulder automatically. He paused. Bucky might be uncomfortable with touch.
He retracted his arm, murmuring, “Bucky, you’re not with Hydra okay, You’re with me.”
Bucky’s eyes were still filled with fear. He shrunk back. “N-no, please. I don’t want to do this.”
“You're not with Hydra,” Sam repeated. “Breathe.”
Bucky took a shuddering breath, obviously trying to ignore whatever he was seeing. “Sam,” Bucky whispered.
“Yeah, I’m here.” Sam encouraged Bucky, thankful that he was starting to come out of the flashback. “You can do it. Just breathe slowly and deeply, yeah?”
Bucky’s breathing slowed, the fear that was clouding his eyes starting to clear. “O-okay.”
Slowly, the breathing got quieter and quieter. Sam was painfully aware of the time they had running out. How long had it been? An hour? He focused all his attention on Bucky.
“Bucky? You back?”
Bucky paused, his breaths fogging up the air between him and Sam. “I- I think so.”
Sam once again reached out to touch him. He hesitated. “Bucky, is it okay if I touch you?”
Bucky nodded. Sam encircled his arms around him, pulling him into a loose hug. He made sure that Bucky would be able to break away from him easily, knowing that anything sudden or rough would probably scare him. “Is this okay?”
“Y-yeah. It’s so cold.” Bucky whispered, shivering against Sam’s body.
“It’s okay, just lean into me,” Sam tried to share as much body warmth as possible with Bucky. Bucky rested his head lightly on Sam’s shoulder, snuggling closer into him.
They stayed like that for a while longer, Sam whispering grounding phrases into Bucky’s ear as he rubbed his back tenderly. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s okay. Breathe. You’re with me. You’re safe.”
Bucky took one shuddering breath after the other, still struggling from the effects of the flashback.
“Better?” Sam whispered, his voice tinged with worry.
“Thanks to you,” came Bucky’s reply.
Sam sighed with relief, letting out a silent breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Good.”
There was a small period of silence as each sorted through their thoughts.
Bucky was the one to break the silence.
“I was back in the snow, and Hydra came for me.”
Sam lifted his head from Bucky’s shoulder, surprised. At least Bucky was actively telling him about the flashback. That was a good sign. “You were awake the whole time?”
“Yeah,” Bucky whispered, shuddering involuntarily. “And it hurt so, so much. I could feel myself dying, and when they came and got to me…” His voice cracked. “I wish I had.”
“God, Buck.” Sam breathed softly. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, I didn’t tell anyone about it because,” Bucky laughed bitterly. “Never really had the chance.”
“Well,” Sam replied. “You always have me now.”
Bucky was silent. Sam looked toward the cliff, an uneasy feeling settling on the pit of his stomach. He got up, wincing at the cramp in his legs from crouching for so long.
“Buck, I’m going to scout our surroundings, okay? I’ll be back in a tick.” Sam hadn’t been able to catch their surroundings when he’d flown down before, but he hoped they had landed close to the path where they’d come up the mountain. The military could pick them up there. Preferably before the terrorists found them, with Bucky still fragile from the flashback.
“I can come with you,” Bucky insisted, struggling to his feet.
“No, stay,” Sam pushed him back down gently. “You still need to recover from the flashback, it really took a toll on you.” He glanced at the sky, which continued to darken. “I want to get out of here before night, I swear I’ll be quick.”
Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it silently, giving Sam a defeated nod.
“I’ll be back,” Sam promised, grinning at Bucky before jogging off towards the direction he’d flown from.
As he got closer to the edge of the forest, Sam squinted at the looming cliff in front of him. He caught no sight of the terrorists. Maybe they’d already left to find them.
He hurried back to Bucky, inwardly cringing at the amount of damage he’d done to the forest.
Never mind the environmental damage, if the terrorists came here they would be led immediately to where they were.
Bucky was standing in the clearing, pacing back and forth. Upon seeing Sam, he stepped forward quickly and planted a kiss on his lips.
Sam started in surprise as Bucky pulled away just as fast. “What was that for?”
“You said you wanted a kiss to warm you up right?” Bucky smiled, his eyes glinting. He turned away. “Besides, I wanted to apologise.”
“For what?” Sam cocked his head to the side.
“You shouldn’t need to be my therapist.” Bucky mumbled, his eyes cast downwards. “God, I fucked up back there.”
“But I should be a good boyfriend,” Sam reminded him. “And it was about time I paid you back for all the times you’ve saved my ass.”
Bucky lifted his eyes, looking up at Sam with those damned perfect blue eyes. “What did I do to deserve you, Sam?”
“Well, you cut your hair,” Sam pointed out mischievously, laughing as Bucky gave a small noise in protest.
“My hair was perfectly fine! I only cut it because it was getting in my way when I fought.”
Sam’s expression turned serious. “The terrorists we were fighting…they probably had the chance to regroup at their base- and we have no idea what kind of gadgets they have. We should leave now.”
“The mountain path,” Bucky nodded in understanding. He stopped suddenly, his eyes roving over Sam’s body. “Hey, you weren’t hurt back there, were you?”
“No, I’m fine.” Sam dismissed Bucky’s worries with a flick of his hand. “How about you? I know the effects from a flashback and how long they last depend on the person.”
“I think I’m okay,” Bucky assured Sam, surveying the forest around them. His eyes flicked quickly to Sam’s face. “As long as you stay.”
Sam could see how scared Bucky was that Sam would leave. He almost laughed at how insane that was. Leave? “I would never leave,” Sam replied firmly.
Bucky smiled sadly at Sam. “Okay. Let’s go.” He jogged off, turning his face away from Sam.
Sam could detect a tone of disbelief in Bucky’s voice. His eyebrows furrowed. Why didn’t Bucky believe him?
His eyes widened.
I’m with you till the end of the line.
Of course. Steve. He had left without even the slightest word to Bucky. Or himself. Bucky had hidden it well to the others, shutting himself off from the rest of the team.
But Sam knew.
Knew how hurt Bucky actually was. How little he dared to trust afterwards.
Maybe Steve had been someone great, saving many lives as Captain America. But Sam couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive him for putting Bucky through that pain.
Sam himself had been hurt. Still was, actually. But he knew that Bucky had been closer to Steve than Sam could ever have been.
What could he do to convince Bucky that he wasn’t like Steve?
“I’m coming,” Sam called, taking off after Bucky. His eyes narrowed in determination.
Bucky would figure it out sooner or later.
He wasn’t going anywhere.