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The Monsters We Find

Chapter 61: First Chapter of the New Updated Version

Notes:

I would like to thank you all for your comments. I have decided to do chapter by chapter. Below is the first chapter which has also already been uploaded as a new story onto the Resident Evil fandom tag. It's under a different tittle 'In the Hands of Monsters' instead of The Monsters we find. Hope you like it, chapter two is already in the works!

Chapter Text

Chapter One: Dépaysement

French Noun: The feeling of not being at home, in a foreign or different place, whether a good or a bad feeling; change of scenery.

. . .

            Spring could not come fast enough for the village frozen in time. The early days of March still started off with freezing cold mornings that hit each person upon leaving their doorstep. Mina, a young woman in her twenties, knew this before she even left her room that Sunday. The desire to pull the covers up above her head upon awaking felt more tempting each day. Yet even though she considered herself to be the least excited to go to church, Mina was up and out before anyone could come for her.

            It was still dark when she crossed the threshold of her guardians’ home. The chill of the air hit her as if she was only wearing a lace nightgown. A frown instantly formed on her face as she silently cursed the uselessness of her new, or rather old, dress. The only thing it was good at was making her blend in with the dreary scenery of her home. The apathetic cotton grey matched with the snow that was half melting and mixed in with kicked up debris. That icy mud ground would no doubt be lining the ends of the dress by the end of the day as there was no article of clothing she had that went above the ankle. The same could be said about the bodice which made her feel more like a caricature of a strict, middle-aged teacher in some god-awful kids TV show. The type that had laugh tracks every fifteen seconds.

            Mina used to feel some embarrassment walking outside of the house with what felt like a nineteenth century costume. However, it quickly became known to her that there was no woman in the village, regardless of age and beauty, that could truly make these uninspired patterns look fashionable. The same could be said of the men too. Everyday it was some sort of pants, button down shirt, and suspenders set. Somehow, the people of this area seemed to enjoy the unanimousness of their appearance. They were, after all, the same in the eyes of their Mother.

            Our Mother which aren’t in heaven.

            She grimaced when the thought popped into her head. It was the type of face she’d make had she’d felt like spitting out the word instead of keeping it locked up. She wiped the expression off quickly whilst walking down the path from the home and into the village streets. God knows how many people would be making a point to stare at her. One would think that the reason they were doing this was because of a healing scar that was stretched vertically from the top of her left eyebrow to her hairline. However, that was far from the case. That mark, along with the smaller cuts upon the sides of her face and hands, might as well have not existed to the others. She could look completely average, and they’d still stare.

            What can I say, I’m their shiny new toy.

            A corner of her thin lips twitched upwards as she recalled the reference. Internally she hoped that she wasn’t quite as annoying as Bella Swann in the grand scheme of things. It was hard not to criticize the people and culture around her and feel some sort of loftiness. But, in her defense, this was not high school. And she was definitely not some immortal vampire’s future mate.

            Nope, this is just your average European cult village. Totally what I was expecting when I bought that fucking plane ticket. And I’m you’re completely normal, not-always-pissed-off, innocent church girl.

            An older man rounded a corner and into her eyesight right as she wanted to frown. Instead, she pushed up a light smile followed by a weightless hand wave. He was quick to respond with double the response. His positive reaction, though genuine, felt so out of place to Mina. He would not be happy to see her had he truly known what lied behind that pale, heart shaped face.

            He passed by her with a deep good morning and headed down a path that ended at the castle. No doubt he was the type who wanted to get to church early. The older people enjoyed getting up and hanging out by the building before service began. Her guardians had brought her along with them every Sunday since living with them. They were right to not trust her to not fall back asleep if left alone.

            It was always barely light out when church started. Kids, despite their unwavering faith, still had issues with keeping up with whomever was speaking that day. Even though she had only attended a handful of services, Mina had more than once seen a mother grab their child by the ear and forcibly take them outside for insolence. The person speaking, not stopping once, would raise their volume as to help drown out any cry that might come from said punished child.                           Luckily, she was too old for her guardians to punish her if she was caught snoozing off. At most they would pinch the side of her covered thighs or shake her arm. Causing a scene was the last thing any of them wanted.

            Mina had meant for this early morning walk to be a way to enjoy something before church began. However, it seemed that the topic could not shake from her mind. Her movements were slowing down as the sight of new people leaving their homes just dampened the already low mood. A part of her wanted to dash out of the way of any oncoming people but she continued walking along, smiling at the villagers and saying good morning. Light was just starting to break above the mountains when a more than familiar villager approached Mina with the intent to do more than wave.

            “You know you’re going the wrong way, right?” The woman in front of her chuckled as Mina briefly closed her eyes. Constanta, a woman slightly older than herself, had only spoken to her on a handful of occasions so far. Though like many of the others, she talked to Mina as if she had known her for years.

            “Silly me,” usually she would try to hide any sarcasm. Luckily her ‘friend’ was not too bothered by the occasional change in Mina’s supposed innocent behavior. “I was under the impression that the church moved since the last time I saw it.”

            “Well, whoever made you think that is obviously taking the piss out of you.” Mina snorted unexpectedly. It seemed that Constanta was also willing to reveal little shreds of the unseemly parts of her personality.

            “Well, I did meet him at the tavern.” A smirk twirled onto the village woman’s face. The playfulness of it didn’t upset Mina even if the morning made her testy.

            “Oh, I see, you must have either been too drunk to think reasonably or—” She leaned in, her height making it so she overshadowed Mina’s head.

            “Or what?” She was smirking now too. Most of the elders around her disapproved of mischievous thoughts and actions on days of worship. Seeing the woman in front of her disregard that pulled a few strings of excitement from within Mina.

            “Or you were so smitten with him that you just believed every little word that left his lips.” With a roll of her eyes and a shake of her head, the younger girl allowed Constanta to giggle at her reaction.

            “Yeah, I literally can’t think of one guy around here that would make me believe that kind of bullshit.” Mina internally winced as an older woman and her young kids passed by them right as she ended with a curse. The bug eye stare and slightly ajar mouth was more than enough proof to know that she had heard her loud and clear.

            “Fuck I hope she doesn’t tell Luiza . . .” Constanta quirked an eyebrow at the nervous statement. Her gaze darted from the girl and to the quickly passing mother before speaking.

            “I wouldn’t worry too much about Andrea saying something, she has her hands full as it is.” Mina opened her mouth to ask why but was cut off. “Her eldest daughter has been chosen to work at the castle, poor thing isn’t exactly the brightest. Don’t know how well she’ll fare.”

            “Is it really true that the maids aren’t allowed to see their families again?” The woman nodded.

            “Working for a Lord is more than just a job, it’s a new way of living.” Mina attempted to look unaffected by this, but her eyes told a different story. “Don’t feel too bad. Imagine how amazing it would be to live everyday inside of a castle.”

            Or inside a bottle of wine.

            A little static ran down the sides of Mina’s spine as she bitterly recalled her plans for the evening. So much for a day of rest and worship. The buzzing of anxiety was already welling up inside of her and no amount of preparation could fully make her fears go away.

            “Walk with me,” Mina blinked as her friend grasped her upper arm. As much as she wanted to walk away, there was no excuse for denying the request and delaying church. “You can tell me more about this charming man you’ve met.”

            Mina shook her head, quietly chuckling at the statement.

            “I already told you that there’s no one in this village that could trick me like that.” A Cheshire grin stretched across Constanta’s lips. It was like she had been waiting for Mina to waltz into that one.

            “Ah, so he lives outside of the village then?” Mina’s chest seized up as it felt like the air had been stolen from out of her. A heat flared across her face as if it was covered in gasoline. Constanta saw this fear from the corner of her eye. Instead of stopping their pace and interrogating her for such an odd reaction, her smirk grew and her teeth became even more visible.

            “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about?” She tried to swallow but her throat dried up. “I’ve never met—”

            “I knew it!” Mina felt on the verge of collapse as Constanta triumphantly pointed at her.

            Fuck, it’s not possible, I mean I suck at this whole villager thing but there’s no reason to believe—

            “I’ve seen the way you look at those pictures.” Mina’s mind stopped its anxious barrage of thoughts. What the heck was this woman talking about? “And don’t stress, I won’t let anyone know your secret.”

            “What secret?” The dead seriousness of her tone didn’t faze the other woman. All she did was lean in closer as more people walked with them on their path.

            “That you are absolutely infatuated with Lord Heisenberg~”

            WHAT!

            “I am not!” The statement was yelled so loud that everyone around them stopped to immediately turn towards the two. The heat that had been growing on her forehead now made its way into her cheeks. Constanta simply smiled at the onlookers and nudged Mina as to continue forward, letting people get back to their own devices.

            “Don’t be so ashamed, many girls develop a crush on him at some point.” Pouting, Mina crossed her arms over her chest. “To be the wife of Mother Miranda’s favorite son, well, that would be quite the honor. He is rather mysterious, and rugged, if that’s the type of thing you like in a man.”

            You know what get’s me really going? Men who aren’t ringleaders in a fucking cult!

            “It’s not,” she spoke through gritted teeth. The other woman merely giggled.

            “Tell me, what is it that you admire most?” A small growl escaped the back of Mina’s throat. The church was in view now and, for once, it felt like an actual haven. “His imposing nature, the beard, the smile—”

            Is he even capable of having a genuine smile!?

            “Look, you’ve got this all wrong, I’m not—”

            “Or perhaps it’s because his house crest implies that he’s—”

            “Constanta, please!” Finally, the woman shut her mouth with a sly grin. People were close by them now and many had turned to see what could have caused such a reaction from Mina. She kept her gaze towards the ground whilst her friend maneuvered her past the small crowd of people forming at the church door. Once through the threshold, Mina immediately spotted her guardians at the first pew.

            “I’m going to go sit with Luiza and Ernest, thanks for coming with me.” Sarcasm dripped at the second half of her sentence. Constanta waved her goodbye before looking over the crowd. No doubt wondering if her husband had come before her. Mina watched as the woman realized that he wasn’t there and instead found a random spot in the back. She shrugged her jacket off and placed it next to her lap as to reserve it for him.

            Sighing, Mina reluctantly stepped through the still-standing people and took her seat by Luiza’s side. The older woman had been so engrossed in a conversation between another person behind them that she hadn’t noticed Mina’s arrival. Ernest, her husband who sat on her other side, tapped Luiza on the shoulder and pointed towards their ward.

            “Oh, there you are dear!” The person she had been talking to sat back in her pew as Luiza placed all her attention on Mina. “Ernest said he saw you taking a walk earlier, I couldn’t help but feel a little anxious that you would be late.”

            “I had to stop her from going to look for you,” Mina smiled slightly at the man as he glanced lovingly at his wife. “You’re an adult after all.”

            “I know she’s an adult, dearest.” The little snippiness of her tone only caused him to chuckle. It felt much like the conversation Mina had just had. “Doesn’t mean that I can’t be worried for her sometimes, everything is all still new.”

            “I woke up earlier than usual and didn’t feel like going back to bed.” It wasn’t the full truth as to why her guardians didn’t need to dispel the covers from her like usual. But there were somethings in this world that not even they, her supposed confidents, should know.

            “See, you’re finally getting used to a new sleep schedule.” Luiza’s hand patted Mina’s own as they laid folded in her lap. A few days ago, there would have still been a bandage covering the palm of her left. Now there was simply a reddened mark that did not enjoy being out in the cold.

            “Yeah, maybe.” The sound of the door fully closing for the final time had their attention being brought to the front. The person who led service rotated between a group of the elders. Luiza was one of them. However today it was a man named Gabriel who stood up to the front. Almost all eyes were on him as service began.

            Mina was the only one whose stare went past the speaker and to the photographs at the altar. With Constanta behind her there was no way she could know that Mina was doing exactly what she was accused of earlier. The noises of the mans speech felt like it was being said by someone on the other side of a busy bar.

            The Lords and Mother Miranda were quite the characters when it came to appearances. As of late, Mina had been looking more and more at Heisenberg’s photos in comparison to his ‘siblings’. It was a chore to keep her face neutral when certain emotions bubbled up at his sight.

            It doesn’t matter if he’s ‘attractive’ or not . . . Constanta doesn’t even know what’s she’s talking about.

            “Or perhaps it’s because his house crest implies that he’s--”

            She sucked in a quick inhale at the intrusive memory. Luckily no one picked up on it or that her red cheeks were not going down despite no longer being cold. Seething, she forced herself to look anywhere but his face.

            Get a grip, now is not the time to think of stuff like that!

. . .

            Donna didn’t have a chance to act when a knock came suddenly at her front door. The surprise had her dropping her embroidery square, needle and all, onto the floor below her feet. Her companion, who had drawing comfortably by her side, was now halfway across the living room.

            “I’ll get it!” The sing-song outburst made it seem like Angie knew who would be on the other side of the door. Donna had barely made it to the foyer when her doll successfully slammed open the entrance.

            “Ew, it’s Heisenbutt!” The Lord rushed to scoop her up upon seeing the face of the visitor. “What are you doing here.” Donna took a step back as her brothers smoking cigar wafted into the walls of her home. Though his pupils were hidden under his glasses, she could see how his gaze ran across the interior of the manor. By his side was his signature hammer, just sitting there as if it weighed nothing as he slightly leaned on it.

            “Something wrong with coming to say hello,” the sneer on his face and disdain leaking from his words was not unusual. Why she was hearing them whilst standing on her doorstep was. “Or are you two too busy working to entertain guests.”

            “Oh, we love to entertain~” Angie squirmed in her arms. “Just not with gross jerks like you.” She giggled into her porcelain hands as the man scowled down at her.

            “Did Mother Miranda send you,” Donna’s own voice barely cut through sounds of Heisenberg’s boots walking into the foyer. She didn’t deny him entry and simply slipped to the side of the threshold. His hammer was placed unceremoniously against the wall. The weight of it scratched the paint and left an indentation in the wood.  

            The first thing she noticed was that he was looking all around, even more so than when Angie first opened the door. His face was slightly upturned, almost as if he was smelling something in the air. To her, all that could be detected was his smoke and lavender.

            “You ever get company up here, Donna?” Her veiled head cocked to the side as even Angie looked at her in confusion. “Other than your little toys, of course.” He took a step towards a table against the wall. One of her dolls, a little boy in a sailor suit, sat unmoving when he decided to flick it in the head with a gloved finger.

            “Hey! Paws off ug-o!” Angie nearly slipped out of Donna’s grasp as she pointed accusingly at the man. Briefly the woman wondered if her attire was enough to hide any swelling anxiety from her brother. Miranda bestowed them with many talents after all. Perhaps one of them happened to be superior hearing. Enough to tell that her heartbeat was elevated above what was usual for the cadou.

            “It’s just us,” she looked away as Angie took the opportunity to flip Heisenberg the bird.

            “Why are you even asking anyways? You’re always there when Mother Miranda gives us new friends.” Angie pouted as Heisenberg continued prowling around the room. “Are you growing senile in your old age? Or are all those factory fumes finally messing with your pea-brain?”

            “Really, no recent visitors.” Donna could feel her doll grumbling in her arms. She didn’t enjoy it when her taunts failed to make a mark. “Not even any village kids coming up to your doorstep on a dare.”

            Donna nearly backed up into the wall as he took long stalking steps towards her. No longer content with loitering about. Further in the house there could be heard sounds of things shifting. Dolls who otherwise liked to sleep seemed to buzz awake with her fear. Even the little sailor boy was standing up from his spot. Body slightly bowed as if ready to run to her.

            There would be no point, she thought bitterly. Her little army would be ripped apart by all manor of metal instruments if they acted against the man.

            “Hey, back off stinky! We—”

            “There was someone, a few days ago . . .” He raised an eyebrow at this. The way he looked at her was something she would see from Alcina whenever she had the opportunity to put one of them down in front of their mother.

            “Go on,” he took a deep drag from his fading cigar before blowing the smoke out into Angie’s face.

            “Gross!” She made exaggerated coughing sounds, almost as if they didn’t know that she lacked any lungs.

            “The Duke sent a village girl to deliver fabric.” A twitch in his lips was not unnoticed by the woman. That, along with his ebbing anger, meant that he was pleased with the confession.

            “She ever been here before?”

            “Nope~” Angie was grinning again. “And before you answer, yes, she did leave intact.” Donna knew she was referencing a previous remark he had made last month. It was something about how easily they broke their friends. “We’re not monsters after all.”

            “Are you looking for her?” He didn’t open his mouth to respond.

            “You two remember what she looked like?” He spoke so nonchalantly, it frankly disturbed Donna.

            “Oh yeah, totally!” Angie bounced against her, much like an excited toddler. “She had two eyes and a nose and a face and hair and a torso and—”

            “Donna, I swear to god!” His shoulders tensed as his hands raised to threaten the doll. It was like he was a second away from grabbing her and shattering her skull within his hands.

            “I don’t really remember.” A gasp left her lips as he reached a hand out into the air and called his weapon back into his fingers. Angie was struggling against her now, trying very much to begin a fight.

            “What does it matter to you, ug-o? She was just another boring villager.” It became almost painful the way Donna hugged her into her body. “Boring hair, boring dress, boring, boring, boring!”

            A silence fell over them as Heisenberg stared them down. Her body felt like it was a branch shaking in the harsh wind. Trying to fight him would be like fighting the forces of nature. He and the rest of her family were mostly immune to the pollen her flowers secreted. She, on the other hand, was in no way safe against his command of metal.

            “Maybe you should talk to The Duke . . . if you’re looking for her.” He didn’t respond immediately. Finally, he shrugged his shoulders and turned away from her. The door, which she had shut upon his entry, flung open like a ghost had possessed it.

            “If you see her again,” she inhaled sharply. “Let me know.” And with a slight tip of his hat, Heisenberg was gone. Leaving both Donna and Angie with open mouths.

            “Wow, how rude!” With her arms more relaxed, the doll popped out from Donna’s grasp as to run towards the nearest window. Her friend did not join her to watch Heisenberg finally disappear out of sight. “Maybe we should tell Mother Miranda, I mean, Heisenbutt can’t just waltz in here whenever he feels like it.”

            Donna took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. Slowly she felt her friends relax all around her home. Their cadou switching into their dormant selves for the time being. They, except for Angie, were almost like cats. Having them all up and about at once felt tiring to the Lord. Noticing this, her friend tore herself away from the window and came up to Donna’s side.

            “No . . . she has better things to do. It’s best we leave them alone.” The Lord bent down to pick Angie back up into her embrace. For a bit she simply paced around the foyer, holding her doll as if there was some warmth to be provided under her porcelain shell.

            “And if we see the girl again?” Donna glanced down at Angie’s face. There was a glint of mischief in her upturned smile.

. . .

            Mina waited in her seat as the back rows of the church let out. Luiza remained with her as people left. Ernest only waited for a bit before kissing his wife on the cheek and mentioning something about dinner. Even though she would have rather left a long time ago, Mina usually waited to leave. People might get the wrong idea if she was always the first to go. When most everyone had passed and it was down to just the last few stragglers, she stood up.

            “Mina,” a hand was placed on the small of her back as Luiza stopped her from making a fast exit. “A word before you dash off.” The girl furrowed her eyebrows as the older woman came to stand in front of her.

            “Yeah?” She had to swallow a lump before speaking. Though having never spoken to her guardians about her ‘plans’, she somehow feared that they had some clue that something was up. Keeping up appearances were never her strong suit.

            “Before you got here, Antonia came up to me and asked if we could all come to dinner tonight.” A deep frown formed on Mina’s face without her even realizing it.

            “And you said I couldn’t come, right.” Luiza didn’t answer, choosing instead to place a hand on her hip. “Or at least you said you would ask if I was available first, right?” She shook her head as if trying to will the woman to do the same.

            “Mina, you are always available—”

            “Not tonight, Luiza!” Both of them glanced over towards the door, almost afraid that someone had stayed behind to hear that little outburst.

            “Doing what, exactly.” Mina groaned at the sharpness in the woman’s voice. Sometimes she felt so much like her own mom. “Going to the tavern? Taking walks?”

            “No, but—”

            “Look, I’ve been able to refuse most invitations so far under the guise that you were still healing and that you needed more time.” The girl looked away, arms crossing over her chest like a teenager. “But with you spending most of your time outside and not in my care, I can no longer keep rejecting everyone.”

            “Then you and Ernest go and have fun.” Mina put her foot out to walk past her, but Luiza moved to block.

            “People want to see you, dear. By avoiding confrontation you’re only giving others a reason to speculate.” As loud as the sigh she expelled was, Mina already knew that there wasn’t a good argument to be made against what Luiza wanted.

            “What time?” The wrinkles of the older woman’s face softened immediately.

            “Five o’clock.”

            “. . . fine”

. . .

            The village was deadly quite when Heisenberg found himself walking across the alter sight to The Duke’s usual spot. It would be days before he made his way to his own factory and what was on his mind was not worth waiting for.

            Most people would cower if they saw Lord Heisenberg himself walking towards them with his heavy hammer and an agitated expression. The Duke, however, only smiled once spotting the smaller man. He beckoned him over with a wave as his positive demeanor didn’t once falter.

            “Good morning, Lord Heisenberg. For what do I owe the pleasure~” He seemed almost giddy, a fact that only soured the other man more.

            “It’s about one of your employee’s,” his eyes briefly racked over the little trinkets and products displayed within the cart.

            “Oh, did something happen?” Heisenberg shot him a glare under his glasses. The man’s tone was far from concerned. Almost as if he saw whatever possible problem to be childish without even hearing him out.

            “What did or do not happen isn’t something you have to concern yourself with,” The Duke raised a quizzical eyebrow. “I just want to know who’s delivering for you.”

            “I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to discuss my employee’s personal information.” A burning pain started in Heisenberg’s palms as he suddenly gripped his weapon with an intensity. Rarely did he hold back his anger towards someone other than Miranda.

            “How much do you want.”

            “Hm?” Heisenberg growled; parts of the caravan shook as the metal vibrated. The Duke was unfazed.

            “For you to cough up some information on the little brat!” The merchant practically giggled. “You always have a fucking price.”

            “Usually you would be correct.” The Duke stopped to glance outwards towards the rest of the village. Church was letting out any minute. “However, I hold the confidentiality of my employees and customers in the highest regard. Making an exception for you because of money would just set a bad precedent. I’m sure you, of all people, can understand.”

            “Look, I’m not asking for any goddamn medical records or some shit!” He stepped forward, body lunging as if ready to attack. “I just want to know some fucking basics; a name would be a great fucking start.”

            “Why don’t you just ask them, next time they’re around.” Though he could never prove it, Heisenberg would swear up and down that this man was getting off on being a dick to him.

            “Because I don’t know what she looks like, asshole.”

            “She?” The Duke placed a finger on his chin, imitating a look of deep thought. “You’re talking about a woman?”

            “Of course, I fucking am, she’s your little village delivery girl or something. Took packages over to Donna’s.” Even though it didn’t seem possible, The Duke’s lips only widened.

            “I’m afraid there’s been some sort of miscommunication, you see, I don’t currently employ any young women from the village.” A pause fell between them. After a few moments, Heisenberg let out a strained laugh.

            “You know what, one of these fucking days fatty, I’m going to—”

            “If finding this girl is so important to you, Lord Heisenberg.” In the distance, chatter of people began to echo down. “Why not ask Mother Miranda for help.”

            “She—”

            “This does concern her, after all?” Without missing a beat, The Duke fished out his own cigar to light. “Or is this just for another one of your passion projects?”

            Annoyed, not just by the growing approach of the villagers, Heisenberg spat out one last ‘fuck you’ and turned back towards his own territory.

. . .

            With explicit instructions to not go to the tavern and drink till dinner, Mina chose her next best pastime. That being sleep. She was sad to admit that she did seem like a moody teenager. Especially when she slammed the door to Luiza’s home shut and dashed straight to her room. Collapsing on it face first may have also been a little much as well.

            When she eventually shifted her head to view the floor of her room, the first thing she spotted was a special area in the corner. One of the boards was loose and underneath it laid something integral to what happened after dinner tonight. She spent a good hour wondering if perhaps she could be done with her task before then. Eventually an itching reminder against her wrist hammered in the fact that there wasn’t another option.

            Dinners at five, meet-up is at seven, plenty of time, plenty of time, plenty of time—

            Despite remaining motionless in bed, the rest of the day passed whilst her mind was still fully awake. The darkening of the sky came somehow both too slow and too fast for Mina. A knock at the door finally had her flopping off her worn comforter.

            “We’re leaving in five minutes, dear, make sure to brush your hair.” Bitterly, Mina let those words echo in her head over again. How many times in her life had her real mom said something along those lines? Maybe if she opened the door, she would be in her parent’s house again. Not stuck somewhere in another country, surrounded by people who wanted to reshape her past into something more pleasant. Something designed to help her survival.

            Taking a deep breath, Mina stood in front of the solitary mirror of her room. A vanity sized one placed atop of her dresser drawers. Slowly she watched herself brush through simple bed tangles and wondered once again—

            How the fuck did I get here!