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31st of May, 2021. Roughly 3 days before the disaster.
"we're on our way Theseus, Is everything okay? Should we call the ambulance?"
"Can the suit go in the dry cleaner?" Ranboo was begging please. He couldn't take it anymore. The house stunk.
It had been a few months since some hero had decided that Tommy needed to get a new suit because apparently the hoodie wasn't protected enough. Since then, the house had descended into anarchy. All rules dismissed. All in favour in getting that fucking thing in a motherfucking wash oh my fucking god you would not believe how much it fucking stank.
No seriosuly, imagine walking into a boys changing room, none of them had ever heard of deodrant, they all dumpster dived for food, probably puked in the middle of night because of a punch. Had gotten into a fist fight behind Denny's or a Wendy's parking lot at three am. Someone brought a gun to that fist fight. Blood. Blood everywhere. And all of them lived in a mouldy apartment.
Yeah.
Stank is an understatement.
"Who are you?"
"That's not important, can it go in the wash."
Beep.
Oh your fucking kidding him.
1st of June, 2 days before the disaster.
"We have reason to believe Thesues has an accomplice considering that call we got last night." Phil explained.
"Why?" Tommy asked. He hadn't even left the house for patrol. No one could have done jackshit. "I mean, so one's ever seen him with an accomplice."
"Apparently the suit smelt bad."
Oh Tommy could not wait to get his hands on Ranboo. Oh Ranboo was dead to Tommy already.
2nd of June. Approximately 5 hours before the disaster.
"Your in the headlines boob boy."
The drycleaner vigilante, accomplice to Theseus. Please look out for anyone who smells like shit
"You've got to be kidding me?"
2nd of June. Approximately 1 hours before the disaster.
They were in hazmat suits. Ranboo had tongs holding the suit.
"Just put it in the wash!"
"No! What if it shrinks?"
"They can make you a new one!"
"NO! It smells fine Ranboob. You are being. Oh-ver-dra-ma-ti-c"
The tongs hit the emergency button.
"Theseus?"
Tommy was going to tell Wilbur to be quiet because there was no emergency. The drycleaner vigilante was just being a bitch. A bitch he tells you.
"PLEASE, WILL I CAUSE AN EXPLOSION IF I PUT IT IN THE-" The rest of the sentance was muffled. Tommy had jumped Ranboo.
"All is fine here bitch boy!"
2nd of June, Ten minutes before the disaster.
"There is a green mist coming from the fourteenth district. Please stay at home. We do not know if it's radioactive. We are dispatching heroes as we speak."
2nd of June, The disaster.
Ranboo was rocking backwards and forwards on the floor. Tommy had passed out. The whole house was green from the vapours. Please, all he wanted to know was whether or not he could wash it.
The heroes burst through the door.
"Tommy?" Wilbur asked. He flicked back and forth towards Ranboo, "What did you do?"
"I just wanted to know if I could wash the vigilante suit."
Phil stared, "But that would mean Tommy's Theseus and that can't be right."
"Just tell me if I can wash the suit? Please!"
Techno stood up his saviour, his lord, His god.
"I don't know."
Well fuck Ranboo gently with a chainsaw.
June 3rd, one day after the disaster.
"FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK YOU BITCH, AWW I'M RANBOOB AND I CAN'T HANDLE A BIT OF FOUL SMELL. I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN!""
Everyone in the familal therapy office was staring at them. Just great.