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„I can fly! “„I can finally fly” echo’s through the house that the nine year old calls home after she got a pair of small pink fairy wings for her birthday. It wasn’t much but it meant the world to her even when she couldn’t word it that way at that time. It lit the dream of flying in the girl which she had since she was even younger, and nobody had the heart to look into those big brown eyes and tell her that it would never be possible no matter how hard she tried. The years went by, and she got older and older but even now the 15 year old girl dreamed of flying. Just flying far away from the real world and to not look down on it ever again. Her physiatrist told her it came from her wish to distant herself from everything, her problems at home and in school and the lack of friends which to her never seemed to be a problem for her. It might have been true but she never wanted it to be. Not in the past and not now. The situation at home was never different then now. That’s one thing she only realised a few years back.
The girl was playing in her childhood bedroom with the same pair of wings she got two years ago. They were ripped and way to small for the girl now, but she still adored them like she did on the first day she got them. She was too young and too naïve to hear the voices from downstairs and she would curse at her younger self for not noticing what happened while she was playing by herself in her room. How could she, she was 10 for fuck’s sake her only worry should have been what teddy she wanted to sleep with and that’s exactly what she did so no matter how much the teenager wanted it she couldn’t be mad at the little girl she once was. Because thanks to her naïve nature her childhood was the best it could have been in her situation.
Now she was 16 with her birthday only being a few weeks away and nothing has changed however the wish of flying become more vivid in her mind and started to grow in more than a childish dream. It become a nagging thought which would come to her in her deepest times where she just wanted a way out no matter the consequences which would follow. Like when her parents finally got a divorce after years of fighting and accusing each other of stupid things. Or when her father introduced her to his new girlfriend which would become his wife. He wanted that this stranger would become a second mother to her. It never happened but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t stop trying.
17. it isn’t a big difference to 16 even if everybody tells you it is. She still felt the same loneliness from before, the same desire to let everything go and just leaves this god for saken planet with everybody on it. There wasn’t a party for her birthday, the same as the last eight years but that was ok she never liked crowds so it was for the better to not invite someone. Who would she even invite? Her father and his new wife? Or maybe her mother who stayed single after the breakup with dad? Both weren’t the best options in her opinion, so she just stayed alone on the rooftop like every year. But this time she had her old pink fairy wings with her, she found them earlier that day in a box in the corner of her room. They still sparked a little bit and she remembered how happy she was that day she got them. There is nothing she wouldn’t do to feel like this one more time.
Maybe it was possible. Just one more time.
She walked closer to the edge, wings firmly enclosed in her shaking hands as she thought back. She thought about her younger self, maybe the little girl would be proud of her for chasing the dream they both have, or she was sad or even mad at her for doing that to the live they shared. The sky was unusual cleared that night almost like the stars would yell at her to let go and trust them. So that what she did, she looked up in the sky with those same big brown eyes which held the same wish as 9 years ago in them and let go.
It was a better feeling then she could ever imaging.
„I can fly! “„I can finally fly”