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Jaemin doesn’t like Jeno. The reason is simple–Jeno’s very existence stands in the way of his career, and that in itself is enough for Jaemin to dislike him intensely. Dubbed as one of the best new actors, Jeno’s rising popularity has both attracted the attention, as well as threatened the spots of many.

Jaemin, unfortunately, falls in the latter category.

The problem is, Jeno did not seem much like a threat before his acting debut. With his gentle eye-smile and shy demeanour, everyone thought he would be yet another one of those typical idol drama actors, but he soon rocked the entirety of Korea with his shockingly brilliant acting skills. When Remember me first entered the cinemas, Lee Jeno was all everyone could talk about for months.

Now that the award ceremonies are approaching, Jaemin is truly feeling the stress creep up on him. He has been aiming for the Best Actor Award for a long time, but many are speculating that Jeno would be the one receiving it this year. Jaemin would like to think that he isn’t a selfish person, but god does he want that award. From the first time he had seen it seven years ago, sitting prettily in the hands of the awards presenter, he wanted it.

The entertainment industry is a cruel place; the only way you can make it to the top and get what you want is if you work harder than those around you, but sometimes working hard doesn’t bring you anywhere. Jaemin knows this better than anyone else–he has struggled in the industry for seven years, making his way up and securing his spot bit by bit. Even now, as the articles spin praises for him, he can still remember how rejection had tasted, sour and bitter on his tongue.

Everyone says that rejection becomes easier to swallow after a while, but they don’t tell you that the bitterness doesn’t ever fade.

It isn’t fair that Jeno managed to achieve so much in just one year, not when Jaemin has spent the past seven years slaving off every single day just to get to where he is today. And if this still isn’t a good enough reason for him to dislike Jeno, then Jaemin truly doesn’t know what to feel anymore.

The first time Jaemin met Jeno was at the Baeksang Arts Awards ceremony last year. Out of all the memories Jaemin keeps in his mind, this definitely has to be the weirdest one, and it never fails to unnerve him at how vivid it is.

They had both been nominated for awards that night–Jeno for Best New Actor, and Jaemin for Most Popular Actor. Jeno, who just had his acting debut, had been placed a few seats behind. Jaemin remembers watching closely as he took his seat hesitantly, crumpling his specially tailored navy blue suit in the process. Jeno had looked just as nervous as Jaemin had felt when he had attended his first ever awards ceremony, hands restless by his side and eyes darting around unsurely.

Jaemin examined him, wrinkling his nose in distaste as Jeno continued to shuffle about. He tried to smooth down his suit, but Jaemin could still catch his tiny mannerisms, weighed down heavily by nerves. There didn’t seem to be anything special about him at all, and Jaemin can’t help but wonder what part of him had captured the hearts of the audiences.

Jeno caught Jaemin’s eyes for a moment, eyebrows shooting up in surprise at the blatant staring. He looked around to make sure that Jaemin wasn't looking at anyone else, before turning back, a bewildered expression etched on his face. Tentatively, he raised his hand to give a small wave, lips curling up into a small smile.

Well, that is not something that Jaemin had expected.

And god, this is still mortifying to think about, but Jaemin had flushed almost immediately. He remembers feeling flustered as he whipped his head back to the stage, painfully aware of the way his neck is heating up rapidly. He has always been told that he has a staring issue, and that the way he stares intensely at others can be a little unsettling, but he had never truly registered just how serious it is.

He spent the rest of the awards ceremony in agony, trying his best not to turn around and do anything stupid. When it was finally his turn to collect his award, he waltzed onto the stage in a daze, murmuring the thank-you speech he had memorised in the dressing room, before slinking back down into his seat. He doesn’t remember the awards presenter’s questions, and he most definitely doesn’t remember how he even got down without tripping over his feet.

Only when Jeno walked forward to collect his award, did Jaemin finally manage to relax. The burning gaze at the back of his neck was no longer there, and Jaemin crossed his arms as he stared up at Jeno’s face on the screen. He thanked the audience, eyes crinkling up as he smiled, holding the golden Best New Actor award in his hands even though he was only a few months into his acting career.

Jaemin could feel something stirring up in his gut, envy pouring into the crevices of his heart so rapidly that it startled him. Jeno had looked so innocently happy, so unaware of the pains of the entertainment industry, that Jaemin honest-to-god felt jealous. Jealousy was an incredible feeling; it cascaded down his spine, enveloping his mind in a messy swirl of thoughts. Once upon a time, a long time ago, he had also wished desperately for a path without hardships, but it is evident that the universe favours Jeno much more.

Jaemin remembers staring at the pointless popularity award in his hand, thinking about how Jeno is going to make it big easily while he still has to struggle by himself. It isn’t fair. He watched silently as Jeno walked down the stage, actions graceful and bliss painted onto his face.

And at that moment, Jaemin had never felt such intense dislike for someone before.

It becomes some sort of competition after a while. Or rather, a one-sided competition that only Jaemin knows of. It started with the small things–magazine photoshoots, brand endorsements, event representations, but it has escalated into film contracts as well.

Comparison is inevitable in the industry, Jaemin knows, but he can’t help but succumb to it.

It is a little too easy to compare himself to Jeno, honestly. Both of them came from tiny companies, started their careers as rookie actors with no powerful backing whatsoever, and are of the same age. The only difference is that Jaemin had spent his first two years acting as extras, struggling to get a decent role, while Jeno managed to land himself a big role in an acclaimed film almost immediately. Jaemin’s mouth twists uncontrollably at this thought; this unhealthy comparison has already become a vicious cycle, and as much as he wants to, he can’t seem to escape from it.

“You should stop reading those articles,” Taeyong, his manager, sighs as he peeks at Jaemin through the rear-view mirror. They are on the way to the filming site, but the past half an hour has been silent as Jaemin scrolled through article after article comparing him and Jeno.

The media has been quite unforgiving lately. Gossip Culture, especially, has been rather hooked onto comparing their popularities. Jaemin knows he has a huge fanbase, but he can’t help but feel a little perturbed by Jeno’s rising popularity.

“I’m not reading them,” Jaemin shrugs, faking an air of nonchalance as he hurriedly swipes up on the opened tabs to close them. Taeyong would be upset if he finds out that he had just read at least fifteen articles obsessively, and the last thing Jaemin wants to do is make his dearest manager unhappy.

Since he debuted at the ripe age of eighteen, Taeyong has always been by his side. As the years went by, they developed a rather special bond, and Jaemin would never admit this willingly, but Taeyong is probably the closest friend he has in the industry. It’s a little pathetic, but the entertainment industry has always been a little too competitive for Jaemin to actually find true friends.

Despite his rocky debut and even rockier first four years, Taeyong has never once given up on him. He supported him during his first acting role (as an extra, for god’s sake), comforted him when he first got rejected from a role he wanted, then cried together with him when he got his first award. After accompanying him for seven years, Taeyong now knows Jaemin a little too well, which is something that Jaemin has yet to determine as good or bad.

Definitely bad, he thinks, as Taeyong heaves another loud sigh, glaring at him through the mirror.

“No point denying it,” Taeyong says as he turns into the parking lot. “I know you are reading them again, and I’m telling you not to do it. You know it’s unhealthy, Jaem.”

“I know…” Jaemin mutters, voice small. “But I can’t help it.”

Taeyong’s eyes soften instantly, and he reaches back to ruffle Jaemin’s hair. “Don’t believe anything they are saying. You and I both know that half of the shit they spew aren’t true.”

Jaemin nods. After seven years in the industry, he knows better than to trust anything that the tabloids spin out. But despite how fabricated the articles might be, words do hurt, and they still bring about a certain level of damage to his confidence.

“Anyway, I see no point in comparing you and Jeno. Both of you are vastly different types of actors, and you are brilliant in your own way,” Taeyong turns around to pinch his cheeks affectionately.

That’s not what the tabloids say, though, Jaemin thinks sourly before he can stop himself. At this point, the media is just fueling his dislike for Jeno, and honestly Jaemin doesn’t even know if it’s a good thing or not.

“Hey,” Taeyong flicks him on the forehead, staring at him sternly. “I know what you are thinking. Let the tabloids say whatever they want, but don’t hate poor Jeno for no reason.”

“I don’t hate him,” Jaemin grimaces at the look on Taeyong’s face. “Really, I don’t!” It’s just intense dislike, he adds silently in his heart.

“Whatever you say, Jaem,” Taeyong shakes his head. “You may be a good actor on screen, but in real life? Your feelings are always etched on your face.”

Taeyong does have a point, Jaemin figures, he can’t possibly dislike Jeno without any valid reason. So on a Sunday night, his only rest day in the midst of a hectic week, Jaemin lugs out his laptop and searches on Netflix for Remember me.

It pops up immediately. Jaemin leans closer to the laptop screen, hands clasped in his lap as he scrutinises the movie poster. Jeno is lying in the middle of a field, eyes closed and pinky linked with a female actress that Jaemin doesn’t recognise. He looks much younger than his actual age, eyelashes long and hair framed by a soft ring of grass.

There’s a moment of hesitation as Jaemin hovers his mouse over the play button. It seems surreal to even think about the fact that he is willingly spending two hours of his free time watching a film his rival is acting in, when he could have been relaxing in his bathtub, or even better, sleeping. Sighing, he sinks back into his cushion as he finally clicks down on his mouse.

The film isn’t disappointing. In fact, Jaemin has to admit that it is pretty good. He can’t remember much about the female actress, but Jeno was memorable, definitely. Jaemin can see how most of the audience had been enraptured–Jeno has a certain attractive flair when delivering his lines. He seems to fit into the role seamlessly, from the way he speaks all the way down to the way he moves from scene to scene, and Jaemin can only imagine how astounding it would have been to watch Remember me in the cinemas.

Scowling, Jaemin clicks on the film once again and moves it to the halfway mark, the scene where Jeno finds out he is diagnosed with cancer. He nibbles his bottom lip in thought as he watches a plethora of emotions play across Jeno’s face on his laptop screen for the second time that night. It’s natural, the way Jeno acts, and god, Jaemin doesn’t even have the mental capability to sort through the intense feelings in his heart anymore.

The real problem here, Jaemin decides, is that there’s simply nothing for him to hate about Jeno. Other than the fact that they are competitors, of course. It would have been easier if Remember me was shitty and badly produced, but no, it is actually one of the better movies that Jaemin has watched in awhile.

With a huff, Jaemin slams down his laptop and curls up into his duvet. This movie night has done nothing but intensified the annoyance he feels towards Jeno. They haven’t talked before–they haven’t even met properly before, for god’s sake–but merely thinking about him fills Jaemin up with a potent amount of infuriation. Now that he has seen for himself that Jeno’s acting skills are actually decent, it just makes him feel insane for even disliking him.

If Taeyong could hear his thoughts right now, he would definitely be berating him. Jaemin rubs his eyes tiredly, laughing a little at that. He would never let Taeyong know about this; it’s already crazy enough that he had just spent an unproductive night watching his rival’s film, and actually liked it.

But as much as Jaemin hates everything he has done in the past two hours, at least he is clear about something now: if he were to ever act beside Jeno, he can’t guarantee that he’ll definitely perform better.

And just that thought itself scares him immensely.

✧

“No,” Jaemin grits out, annotating the script in his hands as he switches his phone to speaker mode.

“No?” Taeyong’s voice blares out loudly, startling Jaemin so much that his neon green highlighter makes an ugly mark on the pristine white paper. He makes a mental note to get rid of the stain late, mind too occupied with what Taeyong is asking of him.

Taeyong had just informed him about acting in a family film A Little Happiness together with Jeno, and without even thinking it through, Jaemin turned him down immediately. Even the idea itself seemed absurd–for one thing, Jaemin doesn’t ever act in family films, and for another, he simply doesn’t want to work with Jeno. In fact, after watching Remember me, his goal is probably to avoid seeing Jeno’s face anywhere at all.

"I don’t want to act in A Little Happiness,” Jaemin continues, shaking his head resolutely. “And nothing you say will convince me to change my mind.”

“Is that so? Are you sure you don’t want to consider it?” Taeyong’s voice floats out from his phone, and Jaemin nods to himself.

“Definitely not.”

There’s a pregnant pause on the other side of the line, before–

“Well, that’s too bad,” Taeyong hums. “Because I have already accepted it for you.”

“You what?” Jaemin yelps, horrified as he stares at his phone in disbelief. No way.

“It’ll be good for you, Jaem!” Taeyong protests loudly.

“Taeyong!” Jaemin drags a hand through his hair, trying to get the headache pounding against his temples to subside. “Please tell me this is a joke.”

“It isn’t!” Taeyong sounds way too cheerful for someone who has just taken ten years away from Jaemin’s lifespan. “I’ll forward the contract to you later. Filming starts next week, by the way.”

“You didn’t think to discuss this with me first?” Jaemin demands, and Taeyong tuts over the phone. If he were here with him, Jaemin knows his hands would be on his hips, and he would probably be pursing his lips as well.

“Look, Jaem,” Taeyong’s voice is placating, gentle in the way he knows would make Jaemin crack, damn him. “This is your chance to show your fans that you can act in all the roles thrown your way! Have you forgotten what you told me when you first debuted?”

“No…” Jaemin mutters, his resolve crumbling in an instant. He still remembers himself then, young and determined to make it to the top. He had promised himself that he would become one of Korea’s most well-known actors in the future, and while that dream has yet to be achieved, he is one step closer everyday.

“A Little Happiness will be directed by one of the best directors in Korea, and you will be joined by other famous actors too.” Taeyong explains patiently. “This film would boost your career greatly.”

Jaemin sighs. “I’m just not sure that I can pull off a family film. You know what kind of shows I usually act in.” With his image as nation’s sweetheart, the type of film contracts that he accepts mostly fall under the romance genre. They aren’t his favorite, but the audience seems to love them, so there’s really nothing for him to complain about.

“Nonsense,” Taeyong bristles, and Jaemin can hear him shuffling some papers in the background. “You will do great. It’s also time for you to widen your scope, anyway. Now, go and look at the script I have just sent you.”

Sure enough, an email notification pops up at the top of his screen, and before he can say anything, Taeyong has already hung up. Jaemin bites back a sigh as he clicks on the script, and the first few words that greet him already leave his head spinning. He reads on with mounting panic, anxiety spiking when he sees that he would be acting as Jeno’s younger brother.

This won’t be good. It’s embarrassing, but the first thought that comes to mind is that Jeno’s acting skills would leave him in the dust. Jaemin thinks back about Remember me, about the way Jeno had handled his character so well, and his heart sinks down to his stomach. Being able to play a character so well that it would belong to you forever is truly a blessing, but unfortunately Jaemin has never quite found any role that fits him totally.

As much as Jaemin would like to convince himself that the reason why he didn’t want to take up A Little Happiness was simply because he doesn’t like working with his rivals, he knows deep down that the true reason is that acting beside Jeno would be a big issue. If he doesn’t at the very least match Jeno’s skills, the difference would be a little too obvious when the film comes out.

Scanning through the synopsis of the film, Jaemin resists the urge to sigh as he heads over to his printer to print the script out. He will be needing more than one neon green highlighter to get him through practicing his lines.

Jaemin meets the entire crew on a Thursday, in the middle of August. It isn’t as bad as he had thought it would be, fortunately. Everyone is friendly and welcoming, and his fellow castmates aren’t all that bad.

Jaemin has seen Lee Donghyuck at award shows before, but seeing him in person is a rather curious experience; he waltzes into the room in a thin button-up, purple sunglasses perched on his nose, with merely a few minutes to spare. He looks like a classic beach boy with his tanned golden skin and legs that seem to stretch on for miles, and Jaemin knows he would definitely be a joy for the stylists to dress up.

Jeon Heejin, on the other hand, barely even had the chance to greet him before she was swept away by her manager, so that’s that. She’ll be acting as his sister in the show though, so he isn’t too worried.

The real problem, however, lies with Lee Jeno. He hasn’t arrived yet, and Jaemin doesn’t know whether the annoyance boiling in his chest is because Jeno is late (he had a brand endorsement event in the morning, surprise surprise), or because he simply doesn’t want to see Jeno.

“You’ve been glaring at the door for ten minutes,” Taeyong points out softly beside him.

“Have I?” Jaemin shoots back, “Well, I guess it’s just because I don’t particularly feel like seeing a certain someone.”

Taeyong’s lips thin into a disapproving line, but before Jaemin has the chance to take his words back, the door opens. And all thoughts about apologising fly out of his brain instantly, because–

Lee Jeno.

Jaemin can feel his own lips thinning into a line as the director stands up boisterously to welcome Jeno, clapping him on the back with a huge grin. “Everyone, let’s say hello to Jeno!”

There’s a shy smile on Jeno’s face as he bows awkwardly, fumbling with his hands to wave. Jaemin tries to wave back, he really does, but his hands remain stubbornly by his side. His chest feels a little hotter than usual, perhaps from all the unfurling hatred, and he moves towards the back of the room, away from where all the attention is congregated on Jeno.

Thankfully, he has a few minutes to prepare himself, before Jeno suddenly materialises in front of him. From such a close distance, Jaemin finally sees the boy that has all the movie-watches hooked. He looks a little different from when he had starred in Remember me; he had been going for a boyish look in that film, but now, clad in a simple dress shirt and slacks, he seems a lot more mature.

Jaemin wrinkles his nose as he scans Jeno from head to toe. The two of them give off completely different vibes; whilst he is all sharp grins, sultry smiles and teasing gazes, Jeno, with his round eyes and permanently curious expression, radiates the literal energy of a samoyed. As if he could sense that Jaemin is comparing both of them, Jeno shoots him a big, friendly smile, eyes crinkling up into crescents. He looks so happy and oblivious to the storm thundering in Jaemin’s chest, and Jaemin can feel his annoyance level surging to a peak.

“Hello,” Jeno bows a little, raising his right hand to wave at Jaemin.

And god, Jaemin wants to punch him. It’s a completely irrational thought laced with what Jaemin knows is lunacy, but he doesn’t think he has ever disliked someone this much before. He knows it’s mainly jealousy doing its work, but now that he is interacting with Jeno up close, all the pent-up emotions suddenly feel all too real. It had been easier when he used to hate Jeno through the screen, but it is reality now.

He would be co-stars with Jeno for the next few months, which actually gives him a tangible reason to hate him. Jaemin doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or angry at himself.

A loud cough startles him out from his thoughts, and he breaks out from his reverie to see Taeyong glowering at him. He looks back up, and finds that Jeno is still staring at him, albeit looking more awkward than when he had first approached Jaemin.

“Yes?” The word leaves his mouth harsher than intended, but Jaemin notes with a certain amount of satisfaction that Jeno seems stunned by the curt greeting.

“Um,” Jeno hesitates, looking a little confused. “I was just greeting you, don’t worry. I’m Jeno, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Jaemin,” Jaemin says coolly. Taeyong elbows him from the side, painfully, but he holds his ground.

“It seems like we would be acting as brothers in the film!” Jaemin can see Jeno faltering, but his face brightens again as he holds out a hand for him to shake.

Jaemin ignores Jeno’s hand, crossing his arm instead. “Yes, the roles have been confirmed long ago.”

Jeno’s hand hangs awkwardly in the air, and he only retracts it slowly when he realises that Jaemin shows no indication of wanting to shake it. A guarded expression rises onto his face, quickly replacing the originally bubbly one. Great, Jaemin thinks viciously, that’ll teach him.

“Well, I hope these few months of filming will be fruitful, and I look forward to working with you,” Jeno says slowly, his eyes flitting to Jaemin carefully. There’s still a polite smile on his lips, but they don’t reach his eyes anymore. Jaemin feels yet another flame of delight flare up in him.

“I can’t say the same,” his voice comes out flatly, and it seems like Jeno can no longer disguise his shock. The muscle in his left cheek twitches, and Jaemin can hear him gritting his teeth when he replies.

“Jaemin-ssi, has anyone ever told you that you aren't exactly the friendliest person?” The courteous smile has slid off Jeno’s face fully.

“Many,” Jaemin cocks his head to the side. That is, in fact, untrue. All those who have worked with him would have known that he is usually rather easy to get along with. But he guesses Jeno must be an exception.

“Feel free to add one more to the list, then,” Jeno’s voice is frosty as he looks Jaemin right in the eyes.

“Will do,” Jaemin shoots him a practiced smile, pressing the edges of his lips into a displeased curl as he ignores the way Taeyong is tugging at his shirt frantically. He would have to endure at least half an hour of chiding later, but at least it will be worth it.

“Well, I think this is enough chattering for the day,” Jeno sounds completely cold as he turns around to walk away. “See you later for our first scene together, good luck.”

His voice has a mocking lilt to it, and Jaemin can feel his hands curling into a fist beside him. Damn him. Still, he forces out a smile as he lifts his fingers lazily to bid Jeno farewell.

“See you,” Jaemin makes sure his voice sounds as monotone as possible, and he hopes Jeno can feel his gaze burning against his neck as he watches him walk back to the dressing room.

Only when Jeno disappears through the door, does he finally let out a sigh, the tension in his shoulders dissipating instantly. Taeyong is staring at him with a horrified expression, and Jaemin would honestly feel sorry if adrenaline isn’t still pumping in his veins. He can feel his lips curling up into a triumphant smile as he unfurls his fingers from the tight first.

He had just single-handedly made the hatred mutual, and he would be lying if he says it doesn’t please him. And well...Jaemin isn’t normally one to threaten others, but Lee Jeno better watch his back.

The first week of filming passes by quite smoothly. In the film, the characters Jaemin and Jeno are playing have a rocky relationship, so for the most part, it’s relatively easy for Jaemin to act out his role. Most of his lines consist of angsty bickerings with Jeno, and while it doesn’t take much energy to project himself onto his character, he can feel himself losing what small amount of patience he has.

“Na,” Jeno tips his head at him slightly when he joins him in the dressing room.

“Lee,” Jaemin nods back curtly, trying not to let the annoyance show on his face lest the makeup artists start gossiping among themselves. They have long dropped the pretence of being polite to each other, and despite the fact that his skin still prickles whenever he sees Jeno, Jaemin honestly couldn’t care less anymore.

“We have a scene together later,” Jeno leans back into his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. Jaemin watches him closely from the corner of his eye; Jeno seems calm, but the way his shoulder muscles are flexing betrays how tense he feels. Jaemin can’t help but smirk at this discovery–it is, after all, quite satisfying to find that he intimidates Jeno a little.

“That’s right. Shouldn’t you be preparing for your lines then?” Jaemin lowers his voice, “Wouldn’t want you fumbling in front of the camera, would we?”

The muscle in Jeno’s left cheek ticks once. Twice. A slow smile, void of any emotion, rises onto his face. “You should be more careful, Na. The one who needed more cuts that time wasn’t me.”

Jaemin scowls. The previous filming session hadn't gone well, to say the least. A Little Happiness is a film centred around the concept of a found family, and many scenes require a lot of emotions. It had been difficult for Jaemin to get into the mood fully, what with Jeno’s taunting gaze at the side. Needless to say, the director hadn’t been too pleased, and Jaemin had left the set filled with an enormous amount of rage at both himself and Jeno.

So no, he wasn’t going to let such a mishap like that happen again today.

“Worry about yourself first, Lee,” Jaemin turns away, ignoring the triumphant look on Jeno’s face. He can’t quite believe that he had considered thinking through his dislike for Jeno before joining the cast, because all he wants to do nowadays is smash Jeno into pulp.

“Good luck,” Jeno shifts closer, voice dropping to a whisper such that only Jaemin can hear what he has to say. He is merely a hair’s breadth away, eyes dark and provoking, and what comes out of his mouth is absolutely wicked. “You’ll need it.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply, before he dusts down his jeans and strides back towards the set, leaving Jaemin in stunned silence. They had exchanged a few harsh words previously, but none of them have had such a big impact on him.

It’s impossible to imagine how much destruction words can bring, but at that moment, Jaemin feels every single bit of its demolition. You’ll need it. It tears at his confidence and thickens his insecurities all at the same time, a painful reminder as to why he even hates Jeno in the first place. Jaemin only realises that he is trembling with anger when his makeup artist shoots him a concerned look through the mirror.

“Jaemin-ssi,” she pats his shoulder nervously. “Are you alright?”

No. “Yeah,” Jaemin forces out a smile, hoping it doesn’t come out as a grimace. “I’m fine.”

He wants to throttle Jeno, goddamnit.

Donghyuck, it turns out, detests Jeno as much as Jaemin does.

“Hello,” he sidles up to where Jaemin is leaning against the wall with a good-natured smile. “Watching Jeno-ssi act?”

Jaemin hums, tilting his head towards the screen connected to the cameras. He only has one scene to film today, and the director has decided to let Jeno do his scenes first. After being on set for nearly three weeks, getting to know the entire crew and his fellow cast, he has to admit that Jeno does act very well. Perhaps the best among all four of them, in fact. No matter how much he hates to think about it, this thought persists to haunt him daily. It’s a simple scene that Jeno is filming now, but he still manages to make it classy.

Jaemin is exceedingly jealous. And furious. He can no longer differentiate between these two emotions anymore, because they tend to intertwine when it comes to Jeno.

“So…” Donghyuck drawls. “What do you think about Jeno-ssi?”

Jaemin smooths his expression immediately, a well-placed smile rising on his face. He doesn’t know much about Donghyuck yet, and revealing too much about his feelings is dangerous in the entertainment industry. If anyone finds out about his tense relationship with Jeno, they can easily sell this information to the tabloids. Merely thinking about his name appearing in a scandal sends a shudder down Jaemin’s spine.

“Jeno-ssi, he...” Jaemin pauses to choose his words carefully, “acts rather well.”

“He does, doesn’t he?” Donghyuck nods appraisingly.

Jaemin arches an eyebrow. “Are you here to talk to me about his acting skills?”

“Of course not,” Donghyuck grins, all teeth. He reminds Jaemin of a calculative fox, and he stares back wearily at him. “Wanna know what I think of him?”

“What?”

“I don’t quite like him,” Donghyuck smiles cheerfully. He doesn’t look like someone who has just shared a big secret, and that unnerves Jaemin a little. Catching sight of Jaemin’s startled expression, he continues breezily, “And I know you don’t either.”

“And how exactly do you know that?” Jaemin asks curiously. This entire conversation is getting too interesting, and it is definitely not something that he had expected.

“I watch the two of you sometimes, you know,” Donghyuck raises both of his eyebrows. “Your face is an open book.”

Jaemin’s heart thuds in his chest, and he can feel his cheeks heating up as he regards Donghyuck. “Is that all?”

“Not really. Look at him,” Donghyuck scoffs. “He is going to show us all up.”

Jaemin turns back to the camera. The scene is a little pixelated from this angle, but he can still see the myriad of expressions playing across Jeno’s face clearly. It’s phenomenal, honestly, and Jaemin feels yet another twist of jealousy in his gut.

“He is going to show us all up,” Jaemin agrees, and the grin that Donghyuck shoots at him is a little too pleased for his liking. “But is that a good enough reason to dislike him?”

“Oh, trust me, it is,” Donghyuck’s eyes are serious as he says this. “His personality is great, but I don’t give two shits about that. His acting is what concerns me, though. Talented people get hated on easily, don’t you think so?”

“Hm…” Jaemin muses, and he makes sure his smile is as lethal as possible when he turns to Donghyuck. “If you dislike him because he is your competitor, then what about me? Am I not your competitor too?”

“Oh, piss off, Mr. Popular,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but there’s no real bite in them. “You made your acting debut two years earlier than me, so there’s really nothing to be jealous of. Jeno only debuted a year ago, though, but can you see how fast his popularity is rising?”

Jaemin nods, and he shares a grim look with Donghyuck as the director showers Jeno with a string of praises once again. “See?” Donghyuck shakes his head. “We are screwed.”

“Possibly,” Jaemin shrugs. “But I’m not going to give up this easily.”

“Me neither,” Donghyuck claps him on the back. “Let’s work hard, Jaemin-ssi.”

This time, the smile comes easily when Jaemin nods. It would not be too bad, he decides, to have Lee Donghyuck as a friend.

It has been a month since filming first started, and his relationship with Jeno is still as chilly as ever. Jaemin knows he shouldn't, but it’s a little hard to resist the urge to say something snarky in Jeno’s face whenever he sees him, to Taeyong’s utmost exasperation.

But to be fair, Jeno isn’t any better. The cold, smug look he sends in Jaemin’s direction never fails to rile him up. They have long given up trying to hold a civilised conversation, and have instead started spending most of their time together taunting each other. Jeno doesn’t look it, with his sunny personality and big, round eyes, but his words can be really lethal. And Jaemin knows that, because he is on the receiving end most of the time, if not all the time.

It’s impossible for the crew to not have noticed. Perhaps the director already knows about it, but he tends to turn a blind eye towards everything that happens behind the scenes as long as they are acting their part well, so Jaemin isn’t too worried. Donghyuck, however, has a real penchant for fueling his hatred for Jeno. He is always at a side, egging Jaemin on steadily, despite not participating directly in whatever argument they are having.

It’s dangerous, this game they are playing at. Especially since A Little Happiness is a family film, Jaemin knows how bad things can get if word ever gets out that the two main actors aren’t on good terms. So for the time being, even though Jeno still gets on his nerves heavily, Jaemin tries to tone down their disputes.

He still thinks about strangling Jeno on a daily basis though, so he isn’t sure how long his patience is going to last.

“You have to stop glaring at Jeno with such...undisguised hatred,” Taeyong taps Jaemin’s bowl with his chopsticks, frowning a little.

It’s times like this, when Taeyong chides him, that makes Jaemin feel young again. Life is unnecessarily complicated now, a far cry from how simple it had been when he was eighteen, still curious about how the entertainment industry worked; even though Jaemin is a strong believer of moving forward, he does think about his debut year quite a lot.

But thinking about his career automatically brings his mind back to the person that nags his thoughts everyday, and Jaemin can feel his mood souring. They are currently dining in a small restaurant to celebrate their first month of filming, and thankfully Jeno is seated quite far away from him, because he really was a pain in the ass just now.

“You are still glaring,” Taeyong points out. “That’s a bad habit, Jaem.”

“I know, I just–” Jaemin pokes at his rice, tossing the bean sprouts around. “God, I really hate him.”

“And I still don’t understand why,” Taeyong interjects, not unkindly. “You were the one who provoked him, if you have already forgotten.”

He hadn’t. Jaemin can still remember how Jeno was like when he had first greeted him–his attitude had been vastly different then–but he guesses he can only blame himself for this big three-sixty change. Jaemin can’t say that he regrets what he had said, because that would be lying, but sometimes he wonders if he could have approached it differently. Ignoring Jeno from the start, perhaps, would have been a better idea.

“Do you ever just dislike someone so much?” Jaemin sighs. “There’s no particular reason, honestly. I just don’t like him.”

“That’s not true. You are a competitive person, and I think you are jealous because you think Jeno threatens your position,” Taeyong’s voice is steady as he reveals everything that Jaemin hadn’t wanted to admit. Hearing his exact thoughts being broadcasted out sends a hot flush down his neck, and he can’t help but duck his head slightly, embarrassed. Sometimes, it can be really scary just how well Taeyong knows him.

“You make me sound like an envious idiot,” Jaemin complains, but he doesn’t correct Taeyong. “I’m his senior in the industry.”

“Which is why you have nothing to fear.” Taeyong makes everything sound so utterly simple that Jaemin has to fight the urge to laugh. It is embedded in humans to feel fear, even for the most insignificant things sometimes, and as long as Jeno’s popularity continues rising, Jaemin knows he will never cease to fear.

“You know, Jaem, I think it would be good for you to work on a more personal level with Jeno,” Taeyong props his head up on his palms, musing to himself. “That way, both of you can understand each other better and solve whatever stupid tension you have.”

It’s such a ridiculous preposition that Jaemin doesn’t even bother stifling his laugh this time. Chuckling, he shakes his head, “No thanks.”

“Why not?”

Jaemin looks in Jeno’s direction again, managing to catch his eye this time. The smirk that Jeno shoots back is absolutely infuriating, and fire roars soundly in the pits of Jaemin’s stomach.

“Working with him once is enough.”

✧

In retrospect, Jaemin really thinks he should have expressed his disgust at working with Jeno again, because he is hit with yet another piece of bad news on a Friday evening.

It’s the last weekday of the week, and he finally has some time to himself after being swamped by work. Apart from gloating at Jeno, filming had been rather uneventful, and Jaemin had drawn himself a bubble bath the moment he reached home. It’s a well-deserved treat after a week of hard work, and Jaemin can’t help but let out a happy sigh as he leans against his bathtub, unleashing the tightness in his shoulder muscles.

Scrolling through his phone, he is just about to watch the newest episode of a drama he has been hooked onto recently, when a notification catches his eye. The first thing he sees is his name–which isn’t unusual, since he does see himself in some articles occasionally–but then his gaze lands on the name Lee Jeno beside his own, and alarm bells start blaring in his head instantly.

This isn’t right. With a sinking heart, Jaemin clicks on the article.

Taeyong picks up after one ring. Jaemin has to physically contain his feelings of shock and betrayal as he grips the phone tightly in his hands, bathtub painfully cold against his back.

“I’m guessing you saw the article already?”

“Yes, I did,” Jaemin gasps at the audacity of Taeyong’s nonchalance. “Mind telling me why I’m seeing my name in an official article before I even got to know the news myself?”

“Jaem,” Taeyong tries to make himself sound apologetic, but Jaemin can clearly catch the tinge of excitement in his voice. “We agreed that you should work on a closer level with Jeno, didn’t we?”

“We didn’t!” Jaemin cuts him off, indignant. “I’m pretty sure I told you no!”

“Look at it from a different point of view,” Taeyong says calmly. “It’s Vogue Korea! You said it was a fun photoshoot that time, right? Here’s your chance to work with them again!”

“Not with Jeno,” Jaemin sits up straight as he hisses into his phone. “We are going to bicker throughout, and you know that.”

“Don’t argue then, it’s as simple as that,” Taeyong lets out a laboured sigh, which is a little ironic, considering that Jaemin is the one at the disadvantage here. “I talked to Jeno’s manager, Doyoung, and he agrees that the both of you have to solve whatever tension you have with each other.”

“You got all chummy with Lee Jeno’s manager?” Jaemin exclaims, scandalized.

“Well, unlike you kids, we were actually able to talk things through in a level-headed manner,” Taeyong says dryly.

“Not really appreciating the shade here,” Jaemin mutters, but he feels a small twinge of guilt in his heart. He knows Taeyong has been working extra hard lately to help him scavenge for more acting and modelling opportunities, and while he doesn’t particularly fancy the idea of working with Jeno personally, he is immensely grateful for Taeyong.

Still, his stomach churns at the thought of seeing Jeno again for things unrelated to filming. If he closes his eyes, he can almost see Jeno smirking at him, a mocking twinkle in his eyes and lips curled up in a taunting grin. It’s disturbing how this image has already been imprinted at the back of his eyelids, but given how much he sees it everyday, it’s really not that surprising too.

“Hey, if you really don’t feel up for it, you can tell me, alright?” Taeyong says softly, after a few moments of silence. “I’m not going to force you to do it, but I really believe it would be good for the both of you. This collaboration will boost your popularity too, if you think about it.”

“Nah, I’m alright,” Jaemin swallows, and he hopes he doesn’t regret his decision. “You can forward me the details.”

“That’s great, Jaem,” Taeyong sounds gleeful, and Jaemin resists the urge to grin. “Don't screw it up, kid.”

It’s an Autumn-themed photoshoot, Jaemin finds out a few days later. They will be posing with Prada’s newest Autumn clothing line; Jaemin had seen it online a few days ago, and the mix of orange, rose beige and chocolate brown had been extremely pleasing to the eye. As much as he hates working with Jeno, the prospect of donning clothes in his favorite colours doesn’t fail to make him a little excited.

His excitement is soon doused, though, the moment Jeno walks into the room. Filming for A Little Happiness yesterday had gone all the way till midnight, but Jeno still looks impossibly refreshed. This irks Jaemin incredibly, because the makeup artist had just commented on his dark eye circles.

“Lee,” Jaemin greets brusquely as Jeno slides into the seat beside him, relishing in the way his eyes narrow. He thinks back about what Taeyong had said, and tries to resist the urge to say anything too snippy.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Jeno tilts his head to the side. “Didn’t know you liked working with me so much.”

And here it is, they are back to square one again.

“Just so you know, this was our managers’ idea,” Jaemin snaps. He would love to wipe the cocky grin off Jeno’s face, but there are at least four makeup artists roaming around them, so he settles for gripping the chair tightly in his hands instead.

“Is that so?” Jeno cracks an eye open lazily as the makeup artist dabs at his face with a brush.

It’s extremely annoying, the way he talks, and Jaemin can feel his blood pressure rising steadily. “What makes you think I would want to work with you willingly?”

“Ouch. You wound me,” Jeno drawls, placing a hand over his heart. Jaemin can see the makeup artist listening intently to their conversation, and he has no choice but to shuffle closer to Jeno.

“Oh, don’t pretend as if you don’t feel the same way,” Jaemin scoffs.

Jeno stays silent for a moment, staring at Jaemin in a way that makes the back of his neck burn. He looks as if he is about to say something, but then he decides against it almost immediately. And in the blink of an eye, he is back to his usual taunting self once again.

“Let’s work well together later, Na,” Jeno’s lips pull into a small, teasing grin as he holds his hand out for Jaemin to shake. This tiny gesture instantly brings Jaemin back to the memory of when they first greeted each other, and evidently Jeno must be thinking of the same thing too, because his grin stretches wider.

He raises an eyebrow, daring him to do something, and Jaemin's finger twitches by his side–whether to shake Jeno’s hand or poke him in the eye, though, he doesn't quite know.

“Let’s not,” He says shortly, turning away to look in the mirror. His cheeks are flushed red–from anger, probably–and a deep frown sits between his eyebrows. He looks frustrated, all thanks to Jeno, and he curses him a few million times in his brain.

Said culprit is still watching him, and he lets out a small chuckle at the irritated look on Jaemin’s face.

“Alright then, since you are so against it,” Jeno shrugs. “Let’s not work well together.”

They really don’t.

The photo shoot begins with the solo shoots first; Jaemin is already used to the way modelling works, so it’s easy for him to move according to however the photographer wants him to. Jeno isn’t too bad either, for someone who is still rather new to photoshoots, and everything passes by quite quickly.

When they start shooting together, though, that’s when everything goes downhill. The first thing that Jaemin notices as they step out of the dressing room, is that they are dressed in similar clothing–he is clad in a sepia brown blazer, while Jeno has on a tawn-coloured coat, and they have matching burgundy brown ankle boots.

“It’s a matching set, made specially for couples! Apart from Autumn, matching outerwear is another shining theme for this photoshoot,” the stylist offers helpfully as she gestures towards their clothes.

Jaemin wrinkles his nose, turning to the side to scan Jeno from head to toe. He finds that Jeno is already looking at him, his gaze dancing along Jaemin’s shoulders.

“What?” His voice seems to shake Jeno out from his trance.

“You don’t look that terrible when you dress up,” Jeno points out.

“Oh?” Jaemin demands. “Are you insinuating that I look bad normally?”

“Think whatever you want,” Jeno raises both hands in surrender, but the way he is still staring at him makes Jaemin’s skin tingle uncontrollably.

“Whatever.”

The stylist is looking at the both of them curiously, her eyes blown wide. Jaemin knows they shouldn’t be bickering so loudly in broad daylight, but Jeno’s face never fails to ignite a fire in him, and this always leads them to the inevitable–fighting.

“Alright, come over and take your places,” the photographer's voice breaks him out of his thoughts, and for once Jaemin is grateful for the distraction. Moving away from Jeno, he strides forward and steps into the shooting area.

For a moment, Jaemin feels lost as he stands in front of the screen, a respectable distance between him and Jeno. It’s the first time he doesn’t quite know what to do, and apparently Jeno doesn’t either, judging from the way his limbs are stuck tightly by his side.

The photographer puts down his camera with a sigh. “For this first shoot, I will need the two of you to lean against each other, with your heads close together.”

Jaemin’s heart sinks. Being in such close proximity with Jeno was what he had dreaded for days, and now that it is finally the time for them to act all close and comfortable around each other on camera, Jaemin doesn’t know how to react. He is faintly aware of Jeno moving closer to him, and he can’t help but freeze when Jeno comes to stand right next to him.

“Relax, will you?” Jeno’s voice is soft, but loud enough such that only Jaemin can hear him. “You look like you’re going through a midlife crisis.”

“Oh, shut it,” Jaemin mumbles, but he can feel his own heartbeat picking up gradually. Jeno is close, too close, and Jaemin knows that he’ll come face to face with him if he even turns a little to the side.

“Right,” the photographer frowns at the both of them. “Move a little closer, Jaemin, and relax your arms a little.”

Jaemin gulps, hoping Jeno doesn’t pick up how fast his heart is beating as he shuffles closer. The pounding in his chest is so loud that he can barely hear anything, and Jaemin blames this wholly on the adrenaline. He knows nerves play a huge role too, but it’s pretty embarrassing for him to even be feeling nervous in the first place.

This continues on for a while, and Jaemin tries to ease up, he really does, but Jeno is still standing way too close. He is acutely aware of every slight movement from his left; Jeno’s blazer swishing against his shoulder, the warmth radiating from Jeno’s arm even in such chilly weather, Jeno moving so close that his hair tickles his cheek.

“Come on, don’t look so tense,” the photographer sounds vexed as he looks up from his camera for the tenth time in the past few minutes. “Smile a little, lean against each other more.”

“Stop moving, goddamnit,” Jeno whispers, grabbing Jaemin’s blazer to keep him from shifting away. His breath is hot against Jaemin’s ears, and he can’t help but shudder at that peculiar feeling. “Let’s get this done with, and then you can move away for all you like.”

He sounds weirdly pissed, and Jaemin tries to contain the annoyance bubbling in him as he relaxes against Jeno’s shoulder. It’s warm, leaning against Jeno, and Jaemin registers with an immense amount of jealousy that Jeno is, in fact, a human heater. The only other human heater he knows of is his mother, and it’s always extremely comfortable to lay against her when it gets too cold.

“Aright, three, two, one,” Jaemin hears the camera shutter click twice, before the photographer claps to get their attention. “We are done with this shot.”

Jaemin slides away immediately, tugging his blazer around himself tightly. The one-metre gap between the two of them is back once again; Jaemin knows the big gap seems extremely prominent now, but he doesn’t know how much longer he can take if he continues standing so close to Jeno. An overwhelming amount of relief surges into his heart when he turns around to see that Jeno looks equally as ruffled.

At least he isn’t the only one who seems uncomfortable with working so closely with someone he dislikes.

The stylists usher them back to the dressing room with a new set of clothes, and for a moment, all is forgotten. Until it’s time for the next shoot, that is. If he had thought that the previous pose was bad, the subsequent ones are a lot worse. Jaemin can only gape in horror as he listens to how the photographer is instructing Jeno on wrapping the scarf around his neck.

“Calm down, will you? I don't bite,” Jeno rolls his eyes, stepping forward.

“I can wear it by myself, thank you very much,” Jaemin says stiffly, stretching his hand out to grab the scarf from Jeno, but he moves it away in one swift motion.

“Didn’t you hear? The point of this shot is me tying the scarf around your neck,” Jeno sounds pained as he moves even closer, and it takes all of Jaemin’s willpower not to jump away.

“I hate this,” Jaemin mutters, “This was such a bad–”

An exasperated sigh cuts him off mid-sentence, and Jaemin looks up with a start to find the photographer pursing his lips at them. “If you are done with whatever the two of you are doing, can we start shooting?”

Jaemin nods, ears burning in embarrassment when he registers that the entire room is currently watching them bicker. He always seems to lose all rationality and professionalism whenever Jeno gets too close, and he knows it is something that he needs to fix desperately.

“See? Let’s just get this done with,” Jeno doesn’t even wait for his reply before he is already reaching forward, setting the soft vanilla-coloured down on his neck. Jaemin freezes, but thankfully Jeno doesn’t look at him as he focuses on tying a knot, eyes trained on his neck in utmost concentration.

His fingers are gentle and soft against his skin as he fixes the scarf, and it’s such a huge contrast to the usual curt way they speak to each other that Jaemin doesn’t know how to react. His hands curl into fists by his side, and he tries hard not to swallow from nervousness.

“There,” Jeno pulls back, a triumphant glint in his eyes, “All done.”

Jaemin sniffs, looking away as Jeno holds onto the tip of his scarf. There are a million thoughts streaming through his mind, but none of them are coherent enough for him to grasp onto and actually think.

“Now look happier,” Jeno demands, and if his brain wasn’t so hazy, Jaemin would have been offended at the commanding tone of his voice. But what Jeno is saying makes sense, so he curls his lips into a tiny smile.

“Don’t strangle me, or I swear I’ll stomp on you with these Chelsea boots,” Jaemin murmurs, and Jeno lets out a chuckle. It’s just a small, short laugh, but it brings him an unimaginable amount of comfort. At least they are back to their normal dynamics, because Jaemin absolutely doesn’t want to think about whatever had just happened a few minutes ago with the scarf.

He hears the tell-tale click of the camera shutter going off in the distance, and the approving hum of the photographer finally allows him to relax. Jeno lets go of his scarf instantly, allowing Jaemin to move away. He steps back, the erratic pounding in his heart gradually slowing down into a steady trot.

Two shots done, eight more to go.

By the time the shoot ends, almost the entire crew is tired. They had dragged on for an hour more, and as expected, the makeup artists and stylists weren’t too happy. Jaemin can hear them whispering to one another as he makes his way down the building, tottering a few metres away from Jeno.

They are both headed towards the car park, so Jaemin has no choice but to trail behind Jeno. He only skids to a stop when Jeno turns around suddenly, brows pulled into a deep furrow.

“What?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow, too exhausted to even bother chiding him for stopping mid-walk.

“We shouldn’t have fought today, in front of so many people,” Jeno mutters. “It’s alright when we are filming, but we never know what these people here might say.”

Jaemin can feel a suffocating tightness creep into his throat. It’s true. They really shouldn’t have bickered so openly, especially in front of a nosy group of stylists and makeup artists, and he mentally berates himself for overlooking this fact.

“We really shouldn’t have,” Jaemin agrees, and he hopes Jeno doesn’t catch the slight waver in his voice.

“It’ll be alright,” Jeno frowns at him, sounding more like he is trying to convince himself than convince Jaemin.

But at this point, Jaemin is willing to take anything, so he can only bring himself to nod soundlessly at Jeno’s words.

It’ll be alright. Hopefully.

✧

“Is this for real?” Jaemin can barely conceal the anger in his voice as he waves his phone in Taeyong’s face. But of course, he had already seen it.

“It’s an article from the tabloids, what can you expect?” Taeyong rubs his eyes tiredly. He looks frazzled as he types furiously on his laptop, sending out email after email to deal with the damage.

The tabloids, of course. Jaemin resists the urge to scream. Every single time his mind strays away from the tabloids, they never fail to cook up ridiculous articles to remind him that they are, in fact, still thriving. Since the start of filming for A Little Happiness, they have been rather fixated on the two of them, and Jaemin knows how gleeful the tabloid editors must have felt when they had received an actual complaint about them.

The articles used to be baseless and poorly written, so he had never quite felt the need to pay attention to them. But this, Jaemin thinks as he scans through the article once again, this is bad. He had briefly scrolled through social media on the way to the company, and it was shocking just how many netizens are talking about this article.

Jaemin can feel guilt eating up at him; if only he had controlled himself at the filming sites, if only he had tried harder to ignore Jeno and cooperate at the Vogue photoshoot. Honestly, if only he hadn’t initiated this entire feud with Jeno in the first place. Perhaps he really should have displayed a higher level of professionalism, like what the goddamn article had suggested.

“It’s not too bad, relax,” as if he could hear Jaemin’s thoughts, Taeyong looks up from his laptop to shoot him a comforting look.

“It’s bad.”

“It isn’t.”

“It is,” Jaemin stresses. “Did you see the line about me being petty? They are so blatantly biased towards Jeno.”

“Fine, it is a tricky situation to deal with,” Taeyong admits. “But nothing we haven’t seen before.”

“What...” Jaemin hesitates. “What did Jeno’s manager say about this? And how about A Little Happiness?”

“We are doing damage control now to ensure that it won’t affect the film too much,” Taeyong winces, brushing a hand through his unruly hair. “And as for Jeno, I contacted Doyoung just now.”

“What did he say?” Jaemin leans forward. Although he is being portrayed in a poorer light than Jeno, he knows the article would have a big effect on Jeno’s career as well. He has been in the industry for years, but Jeno doesn’t have that stable of a footing yet, so any small rumour can very well explode in his face.

“We have a plan,” Taeyong says slowly, a grim smile on his face. “But you aren't going to like it.”

Jaemin taps his foot impatiently against the ground, fidgeting with his sunglasses as he scans the street for Jeno. It’s already nearing ten, yet he is still nowhere to be seen. Jaemin can feel his patience thinning as he leans against the wall, trying to appear inconspicuous.

Turns out, Taeyong and Doyoung’s grand plan had been the typical–they would need to hang out with each other a lot more for the next few weeks, under public eye of course, to prove to the netizens that their bickering is nothing more than just friendly banter. It’s complete bullshit, but it’s the easiest way to catch the attention of the paparazzi.

Honestly, Jaemin doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or vexed–on one hand, hanging out and pretending that they are the best of friends isn’t too complicated, thankfully, but on the other hand, he has to hang out. With Jeno.

Just thinking about it gives him a headache. He suppresses a sigh as he looks down at his watch once again, watching the minute hand slowly tick to join the hour hand at ten.

“Hello.”

Jaemin whirls around to find Jeno standing right behind him, brows raised and arms crossed against his chest.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Jaemin says, disgruntled. Trying to calm down his rapidly beating heart, he lets his eyes travel down the length of Jeno’s body. It’s a little unsettling to see him outside of work, clad in casual clothes instead of suits. With his white hoodie and jean jacket, he looks exactly like a college student. Jaemin inspects his hair skeptically; it’s windswept, as if he had just rolled out of bed before coming out.

“Don’t look at me like this,” Jeno complains, brushing a hand through his hair. “It’s a goddamn Saturday, waking up at nine in the morning is way too early.”

Jaemin agrees, certainly. Taeyong and Doyoung were the ones who had chosen this demonic hour, because there was no way he would have willingly woken up before eleven on his only rest day. But if he is being honest, the thought of hanging out with Jeno today had plagued him the entire night, so it had been quite a relief to wake up in the morning.

As they walk down the street together, nothing but silence between them, Jaemin is suddenly hit with just how weird this entire predicament is. They can barely even resist going for each other’s throats when they are in the same room, but now they’ll have to pretend to enjoy a cup of coffee together.

“This is weird,” he admits out loud, causing Jeno to turn around to look at him. “Don’t you think this is weird?”

“It is, but we did screw up, so there’s nothing else we can do,” Jeno shrugs. “Besides, it’ll be even weirder later, when we are sitting in the cafe.”

Jaemin can’t help but shudder at the thought of sharing a cake with Jeno, pretending to be interested in whatever he is saying, and he quickly makes a mental note to get a cake by himself. Jeno seems to be thinking along the same lines as him, and they share a grimace.

“Well, let’s try not to fight that much later,” Jaemin warns as they near the tiny shop.

“No promises,” Jeno shoots back. “If you aren’t that annoying, I’ll try to keep my mouth shut too.” There’s a curious little smile dancing on his lips, and Jaemin scowls.

“Me? Annoying?”

“Mm,” Jeno hums as he holds the door open for Jaemin to enter, guiding him towards the counter. “Very annoying.”

The cafe is named Starry Night, but the decorations have taken a whole different route. Small pots of sunflowers are scattered along the window ledges, and all the tables are draped with startlingly yellow tablecloths. The entire cafe is so bright that Jaemin feels sunny too, even though the bundle of nerves in his stomach beg to differ.

Jaemin takes his time to survey the room as they settle down in one of the booths near the glass windows. It’s a rather popular cafe among the celebrities, and also where the paparazzi love to gather, so it had naturally been chosen as the place where he and Jeno would hang out at.

He can see Heejin sitting near the counter, her eyebrows raised as she takes in the surprising sight of the two of them sitting across each other. Jaemin raises his hands to wave, shaking his head at the puzzlement in her eyes. She nods, still looking rather confused, but she turns back to her friend nonetheless. As a member of the cast, she is already used to Jaemin and Jeno bickering on set, so Jaemin understands why she would feel shocked at seeing them together.

“I’ll go and order,” Jeno stands up. “What do you want to drink? Or eat?”

“Iced americano, eight shots. And a lemon cheesecake,” Jaemin recites his typical order, ignoring the way Jeno’s eyebrows shoot all the way up his forehead.

“Eight shots? Are you sure?”

Jaemin nods, eyeing Jeno as he fishes his wallet out from his pocket. He doesn’t want Jeno to pay for him; he hadn’t gone on a date for ages, but he is pretty sure usually people only pay for their partner on dates. And there is no way he is ever going to allow him and Jeno to stray in their direction because this is, after all, purely a hangout.

Jeno catches his eye, and he sighs in exasperation. “If you are wondering, I’ll be using my company’s money, so you don’t need to worry about me treating you or anything.”

“Whatever,” Jaemin hates to admit this, but his heart rate calms down drastically at Jeno’s words. Still, he tries to play it off coolly. Jeno looks at him, unconvinced, before making his way to the counter.

He comes back soon, with two cups of iced coffees and a small cake. He sets everything down on the table, and finally takes a seat right opposite Jaemin. For a moment, none of them seem to be able to find the right words to say to each other, until Jeno breaks the ice with an awkward gesture to the dark coffee lying on the table.

“I got you four shots only, because eight shots would literally send you to the hospital.”

“Oh, worrying about my health now, are you?”

“You are overthinking it,” Jeno snorts, rolling his eyes. “Just trying to deprive you of your favorite drink, that’s all.”

At this, Jaemin represses the urge to crack a smile, and he busies himself with taking a huge gulp of his americano. It’s easy to fall back into their usual dynamics of bickering, as much as they try not to, but their squabble today sounds a lot more lighthearted. Jaemin guesses it’s because they aren’t in their work environments anymore, where every tiny action the other does can fuel their dislike for each other.

“So, what do we do now?” Jaemin looks around the cafe, noting with satisfaction that it is gradually filling up with customers. A few schoolgirls have already recognised them, and they whisper excitedly amongst themselves, one of them even whipping out her phone to snap a photo.

“Well, that’s easy,” Jeno leans forward with a twinkle in his eyes. “We’ll just have to pretend to be best friends. You are an actor, aren’t you? This should be a piece of cake for you.”

It sounds like a dare. Jaemin sneers, leaning forward to look Jeno in the eye as well. “It is a piece of cake for me. What about you, though?”

The smile that breaks across Jeno’s face instantly is startlingly bright, and it almost catches Jaemin off-guard. It looks so genuine and real that it feels as if they are truly close friends hanging out at a cafe, and for a moment, Jaemin doubts everything that he is seeing.

“Is this acting good enough, Na?” Jeno asks, eyes wide in fake-innocence. “Or should I turn it up a notch for you?” His grin stretches wider at this, and his eyes crinkle into tiny crescent moons on his face.

“No thanks,” Jaemin’s statement is terse, but he lets a saccharine smile slide up his lips to match Jeno’s. Smiling isn’t difficult; it’s almost second nature, given how often he acts in those romance films that require him to grin at the female leads like an idiot. But despite how much he dislikes Jeno, smiling at him is relatively easier than he had thought.

“Is this all you can do?” Jeno raises an eyebrow, and before Jaemin has the chance to dodge, his hand comes up to brush a stray strand of hair away from his forehead. “You need to up your game, Na.”

His heart stutters. It’s embarrassing, but Jaemin can feel the tip of his ears reddening as he freezes on the spot. This wasn’t part of the plan, no one ever said anything about brushing each other’s hair. He looks up to see a smirk on Jeno’s face, and realises belatedly that they have long turned this little hangout into an acting competition.

Alright then, game on. According to the tabloids, if there is one thing Jaemin is good at, it is at being petty. Well, then he better show just how petty he can be.

Making sure the smile on his face is as sweet as possible, Jaemin scoops up a piece of his precious cake, poking his fork at Jeno’s lips. “Want a piece of cake, Lee?”

“Well?” Jaemin can see the surprise in Jeno’s eyes, though he makes a valiant effort to cover it up, and his heart soars in triumph. He knows they have already caught the attention of a few people in the cafe, and he continues prodding the fork at Jeno’s lips, hoping to get a rise out of him.

Jeno’s eyes darken in an instant, and his lips come up to grab the tiny piece of cake into his mouth. The moment he pulls back, Jaemin tugs his fork away immediately, hoping it isn’t too obvious. Jeno makes a show of chewing on the cake, even smacking his lips tauntingly as Jaemin mourns the loss of one-thirtieth of his lemon cake.

“Didn’t know you would sacrifice your cake to feed me,” Jeno muses, a teasing grin back on his face. “That’s sweet, Na.”

“Believe me, I didn’t do that willingly. Now enjoy that piece of cake, because it’s all you are going to get.”

Jeno laughs. “Your insulting skills are getting a little rusty. Not used to not fighting with me?”

Jaemin grunts in reply. So far, all they’ve had was playful banter and nothing too vicious, and that is something he is incredibly thankful for. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to hold back if they really do break into a real argument.

Their acting competition forgotten, the silence is back once again, and Jaemin focuses on his americano as he watches the time tick away. Thirty minutes have already gone past in the blink of an eye, surprisingly, and Jaemin thanks the heavens that they won’t be stuck here any longer.

“You know,” Jeno interrupts his train of thoughts. “I was thinking about it the other day, and I think...we should help each other.”

“Help each other?” An unfamiliar look of uncertainty floats up Jeno’s face, and Jaemin waits for him to continue with a thundering heart in his chest.

“Yeah. Help each other, mutually benefit, whatever you want to call it,” Jeno doesn’t sound serious, but he looks serious. “We need to see each other quite frequently for the next few weeks, anyway.”

Jaemin sighs at that thought. Although the grand plan of fixing their relationship in the media only consisted of hanging out together, they’ll have to meet at least twice a week outside of work, and Jaemin already has two afternoons reserved for meeting Jeno at Starry Night again next week.

“How do you propose that we help each other?”

“That’s simple,” Jeno shrugs. “We won’t have much to do when we meet each other, so we should make use of that time to do something worth it. I can help you with your acting.”

“Help me with my acting, you say?” Jaemin narrows his eyes at Jeno. “And what makes you think I will accept it?”

“Because you need it,” Jeno’s answer is quick and confident. And god, Jaemin hates him. “And because I’m better at acting than you.”

Jaemin sucks in a considerable amount of air, and he hopes Jeno can detect the threatening note in his voice. “Now, you are crossing the line here, Lee.”

“I’m not saying that you don’t act well. I’ve watched some of your shows, and you do act well,” Jeno points out calmly. Jaemin is about to taunt him, before he realises that he has watched Remember me before too, so he hurriedly snaps his mouth shut.

“But you aren’t used to acting in family films, or anything too emotional. I’ve been watching you act for the past month, and I know overly-emotional scenes tire you out,” Jeno says all these with such calmness that Jaemin can’t even find anything to rebut.

“I’m not used to acting in family films, that’s true,” Jaemin admits, and he can’t believe he is seriously considering Jeno’s proposal. “And you might be a better actor than me. So what?”

“I can run through your lines with you, teach you how to properly execute your scenes, and how to capture the audience’s attention while not feeling burnt-out after acting,” Jeno raises an eyebrow. “Good enough for you?”

It’s scary, the way Jeno talks with such professionalism and confidence. He is already a big threat to many actors, and Jaemin knows he’ll definitely be a force to reckon with in the future. Jaemin can feel his heart thudding painfully against his rib cage, and he can only bring himself to stare at Jeno wearily.

“It seems a little sketchy that you are doing all these for free,” Jaemin refuses to believe that Jeno doesn’t have any ulterior motive.

“Oh, but I’m not doing all these for free.”

“Oh? Let’s talk about what you gain from this arrangement then.”

“You can boost my popularity,” Jeno clasps his hands in front of him, moving his face closer to gaze at Jaemin. “I’m still a rookie actor, but you are already very big in Korea. Almost everyone knows you, even the older generation. And well, I need all the exposure I can get.”

Jeno tilts his head, and the way he stares at him makes Jaemin feel all flustered. “Hanging out with you, letting the media know that we are best friends, this will allow me to get sufficient exposure.”

“So you are trying to make use of my popularity to boost yourself,” Jaemin nods, head buzzing with thoughts. “Very good deal indeed.”

“Admit it, it is a good and fair deal. There’s no better person around you to help you with your acting right now.”

Jaemin pauses. Because as much as he wants to deny everything that Jeno has just said, he is right, damn him. He thinks back about how astounded he had felt when he had watched Remember me, about how jealous he had felt watching Jeno act so naturally, and about how his dream has always been becoming a movie star one day. If Jeno runs through his scenes with him, that would really benefit him greatly–not only in A Little Happiness, but also in upcoming projects.

“Then what happens after you help me? We start competing for acting projects because we both become famous and talented?” Jaemin scoffs.

“That might happen,” Jeno says, slowly. “That’s what the media thinks is happening now, anyway.”

“But?”

“We might also become friends,” the sentence leaves Jeno’s mouth a little too quickly, a little too rushed. It sounds so preposterous that Jaemin has to take a few minutes to process it.

“Well, in case you forgot, we hate each other,” Jaemin says testily. “And I don’t like you.”

“I know that,” Jeno waves him away. “I don’t quite like you either, if you haven’t noticed. But I do like you more than Donghyuck.”

“Oh? And why is that so?”

“He laughs together with me and pretends that we are friends, but I know he bitches about me behind my back,” Jeno laughs, lightly. “But you? You gave me the stink-eye from the first moment we met, and you have been unnecessarily rude and awful. At least you aren’t fake though.”

“Well, it’s nice to see that you appreciate my bluntness,” Jaemin says. It’s a surprising piece of information, and his brain has yet to classify it as something good or bad.

“So? What do you say?” Jeno prods. “Do we have a deal?”

“No promises of being friends of course,” he adds hastily. “All we would do is make use of each other. Sounds good?”

Jaemin weighs his choices. One, he can continue hating Jeno’s guts and suffer through the rest of their forced publicity hangouts. Or two, he can make good use of his time and do something about the crippling jealousy he feels whenever he watches Jeno act.

“Hm…” Jaemin ponders, but he knows in his heart that he has already made a decision long ago. “Make sure I complete all my scenes in one cut, and we’ll see.”

“Oh, don’t worry. The director will be so pleased with us, just you see,” Jeno sounds as equanimous as ever, and god, Jaemin wishes he is able to be this confident.

“Alright then, I guess we have a deal.”

“Deal,” Jeno grins and holds out a hand for him to shake. Jaemin hesitates as he stares at Jeno’s outstretched hand, and Jeno raises an eyebrow at his reluctance.

“Aren’t you going to shake my hand?”

“Fine,” Jaemin mutters, and he grasps Jeno’s hand begrudgingly. Jeno’s palms are warm around his, and his fingers hold onto Jaemin’s gently as they shake hands once, twice. It’s a peculiar feeling, holding Jeno’s hand in his, and Jaemin feels as if he is burnt when they finally let go of each other.

“Here’s to our mutual benefit,” Jeno raises his glass of coffee and clinks it against Jaemin’s cup.

“To our mutual benefit,” Jaemin echoes.

Sure enough, Jeno keeps to his word. The next time they meet at the cafe, he comes prepared, lugging with him his thick stack of scripts and an assortment of brightly-coloured highlighters.

“Lee,” Jaemin sips on his americano, eyebrows shooting up when he sees just how messy Jeno’s script is. There are circles and lines scribbled everywhere, and there are tiny annotations in a neat scrawl beside each paragraph.

“First lesson of the day,” Jeno announces, opening his binder with a serious look on his face. “Having a messy script is alright, so stop judging me.”

“I’m not judging you.”

“Oh, you totally are,” Jeno waves Jaemin’s protests away. “Having a messy script shows that you actually pay attention to dialogue and scene details, so it’s a good thing.”

Jaemin looks down at his own script. He has underlined a few sentences here and there with his neon green highlighter, but he couldn’t really find much to write down, so the edges of his paper are mostly empty. He turns back to Jeno’s script, and feels a pang of guilt–Jeno has words squeezed all the way to the top of his paper, and there are post-its fluttering about too.

“We should start with character analysis,” Jeno declares, propping his head up on his hands to stare at Jaemin. “What do you think about your character? How about his relationship with mine? What are his motives?”

He digs around in his bag for a pencil and hands it to Jaemin. “Come on, let’s write everything down.”

Jaemin narrows his eyes as he holds the pencil to the paper. He still hates the way Jeno talks, the way his words overflow with confidence and assertiveness, but he did agree to let Jeno help him with acting, so he can’t really complain about it.

The next hour passes by quickly. It’s hard to bicker about irrelevant things when they get down to business, Jaemin realises, and there is really nothing to argue about with Jeno when it comes to acting. He knows his character well, and he knows how exactly to act in a way that would appeal to the audience, despite how hard it might seem.

And as much as he hates to admit it, Jaemin does learn a lot at the end of it. He managed to unravel a deeper layer of his character, and Jeno even helped him sort through the different emotions in their shared scenes. It’s something that they have been struggling with quite a lot recently–they never seem to match each other’s level of expressiveness when acting–and Jaemin is glad that they finally managed to discuss it. He had considered cornering Jeno previously, but solving it in a civilised manner is definitely a much preferred option.

By the time they are done, most of the empty spaces on his script have been filled up with random annotations, and there are blots of ink on his fingers. Jaemin watches Jeno as he shoves his stuff back into his back, a satisfied expression on his face. It’s still a little unusual to be sitting across from each other and actually doing productive things instead of fighting relentlessly, and Jaemin can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this situation. With their scripts scattered across the table, coffees half-drunk and diluted from all the melted ice, one might even mistake them for college students studying together.

“See? It wasn’t too bad, right?” As if he could read his thoughts, Jeno smirks, leaning forward to whisper conspiratorially. “Looking forward to our next hangout?”

“Now, don’t get ahead of yourself, Lee,” Jaemin wags a finger in his face, pursing his lips as Jeno shakes his head and lets out a chuckle.

But as they walk out of the cafe together, hands dotted with random splashes of highlighter ink, Jaemin realises that it really wasn’t too bad.

And if he has to be honest, a small part of him (a very small part), is indeed looking forward to their next hangout. He tries to convince himself that it’s merely because he wants to pick up more acting tips from Jeno, but truthfully?

He doesn’t know anymore.

✧

No matter what others might tell you, getting comfortable and friendly around your rival immediately is an impossible feat. And Jaemin knows this, because he is struggling.

Jeno is as annoying as ever, with his immaculate acting skills and brazen attitude, and while Jaemin makes a prominent effort to keep his annoyance in check, he still feels like strangling Jeno sometimes. Most of their fights occur on set, whenever their opinions about their shared scenes clash, but outside of work, things are a lot better.

There are still wayward rumours flying around on the internet, so Taeyong and Doyoung have decided that it would be better for them to continue on with their best friends act. Jaemin doesn’t mind, honestly, because hanging out with Jeno means he gets to feed off his acting tips.

One thing Jaemin has discovered about Jeno is that he is generous, incredibly so. He is always willing to share everything he knows about acting, never holding anything back or refusing to answer his questions. It confuses Jaemin beyond belief, because who in the right mind would aid their rival so selflessly? He knows Jeno is aware of their rivalry, but he doesn’t seem to really pay too much attention to it.

And that makes Jaemin feel like a selfish bitch, because that was all he could focus on for the past few months. Even now, as he sits beside Jeno, he can still feel the familiar tingle of competitiveness in the pit of his stomach.

“Are you done memorizing your lines for that scene? We can run through it once,” Jeno turns to look at Jaemin’s script, raising his eyebrows at the sight of Jaemin blanking out.

“Wait a second,” Jaemin scowls. “Not everyone has quick memorization skills like you.”

“Slow,” Jeno jibes, but there’s a lighthearted lilt in his voice.

He leans back into his seat, crossing his arms as he continues to stare at the side of Jaemin’s face. There’s something about his gaze that unnerves Jaemin, but he tries to keep his cool as he mumbles his lines under his breath. After a while, though, the staring gets a little unbearable, and he looks to his right to glare at Jeno.

“If you continue staring at me,” Jaemin warns, “I will literally poke both your eyes out with my fingers.”

Jeno guffaws, and he doesn’t even bother being discreet as he props his head up on his palm to stare unabashedly. “Why are you such a violent person?”

“Your face fuels my aggression,” Jaemin deadpans, resisting the urge to smile when Jeno’s face morphs into one of shock.

Jeno leans closer, raising both of his eyebrows as he gestures to his face. “You’re just jealous.” Both of his eyes crinkle as he shoots Jaemin a teasing grin, and he smiles so brightly that it is difficult for Jaemin to tear his eyes away.

The feelings in his heart whenever he looks at Jeno have definitely changed, that is an undeniable fact. Sometimes, when Jaemin laughs unbridledly, he has to stop for a second to remind himself that it’s Jeno he is talking to. It’s almost unsettling how the raw hostility they used to feel for each other has already been replaced by something much more tentative, much more hesitant.

There’s something buried in the undercurrents of their relationship; Jaemin isn’t quite ready to elucidate it yet, but he is pleased with the comfortable pace they are going at currently. Jeno is always making a consistent effort to ensure that he doesn’t feel awkward, and though it might not seem like much, it really does make him a lot less nervous.

“Come on, slowpoke,” Jeno seems to notice that Jaemin is getting lost in his thoughts again, and he jabs him in the arm playfully. “Ready?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, but his heart pitter-patters gratefully in his chest. The humongous amount of effort it takes to get along well with someone you had once sworn to dislike forever is truly unfathomable.

The funny thing is, it’s easy to hang out with Jeno and not feel awkward. There are never periods of stifling silence, and even if it’s quiet, the ambience is comfortable. He supposes it is because they used to detest each other, so they have gotten past the awkward getting-to-know-each-other stage and jumped directly into playful banter.

Things on set have improved so drastically that even Taeyong is amazed. He watches, stunned, as Jaemin actually greets Jeno with a proper wave when they enter the dressing room.

“Wow, this publicity ruse really killed two birds with one stone, huh?” Taeyong grins, looking positively elated. “I should have forced you to hang out with Jeno ages ago.”

“That would have been terrible,” Jaemin shakes his head. He still finds it hard to imagine himself getting along with Jeno, and honestly everything they have right now seems crazily unbelievable at times.

“So...” there’s a teasing glint in Taeyong’s eyes that Jaemin isn’t used to. “What do you think about Jeno? He is nice, isn’t he?”

Jaemin looks across the room, eyes latching onto Jeno immediately. The makeup artist is working on his eyelids, and Jaemin can see his eyelashes fluttering even from a distance. After days of staring at his face during their weekly hangouts, Jaemin has come to find that both of their eyelashes are incredibly long.

As if he could sense Jaemin’s gaze, Jeno opens one eye to peek at him, leaving a flustered makeup artist fumbling with his face. He shoots Jaemin a smirk through the mirror, and it looks so challenging that Jaemin has to fight the urge to grin back.

“Jeno is…” Jaemin glances at Taeyong, ignoring the way a motherly smile has just stretched across his entire face. “He is alright, I guess.”

“Still annoying though, and unbearable sometimes,” he adds as an afterthought, grimacing at the way Taeyong’s eyes light up instantly.

“Oh come on, Jaem,” Taeyong waves his protests away with an impatient flick of his hand. “Admit that you enjoy spending time with him.”

“No, god. Never.”

“You stubborn kid,” Taeyong musses up his hair, an affectionate look in his eyes. “You should learn to separate work from personal life. It’s alright to be friends with people who bring you joy, even if you are competing against them.”

“I am not friends with him though,” Jaemin says. The unsaid yet floats in the air, there but not quite there. “Well, we didn’t say anything about being friends, anyway.”

Jaemin frowns. Is he friends with Jeno? They do hangout twice a week–either eating at Starry Night, walking along the streets or cycling–but they are technically forced to keep up with the act, so Jaemin doesn’t know if those are truly considered hangouts between friends.

“Jaem,” Taeyong’s eyes are soft when he pats him on the shoulder. “Just go with the flow. If you enjoy Jeno’s company, then treat him as a dear friend.”

Jaemin scans the menu of Starry Night for the umpteenth time, sharing a grimace with Jeno. For the past few weeks, they frequented the cafe almost every single time they met up, and it’s safe to say that they have already tried everything on the menu. Jaemin browses through the cake section, face falling when he sees the same few cakes again. The lemon cake still tastes exquisite, but he has been consuming way too much of it recently.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else?” Jeno drops his voice to a whisper. “I don’t quite fancy eating another tiramisu.”

“That’s a great idea,” Jaemin heaves a sigh of relief. “But...the paparazzi? Do we still need them to take pictures of us?”

A weird light enters Jeno’s eyes, and his face clouds over for a moment. Jaemin’s heart rate picks up–did he say something wrong? But before he has the chance to ask Jeno about it, his smile floats back onto his face once again.

“It’s fine. Almost everyone in Korea already knows we are the best of friends,” Jeno shrugs, though his voice comes out a little more clipped than usual. Jaemin scans his face worriedly; he is a hundred percent sure that he had said something wrong, but he can’t quite figure out which part of his sentence managed to piss Jeno off.

“Alright,” Jaemin smiles tentatively, leading Jeno out of the cafe. “Let’s go somewhere else, then.”

Jeno blinks. “Where?”

“You know, when you said ‘let’s go somewhere’, I didn’t know you were planning to bring me over to your house,” Jeno says as Jaemin unlocks the door to his apartment, slipping off his shoes.

“Oh, shush,” Jaemin waves Jeno into the living room before walking directly into the kitchen. Honestly, inviting Jeno over wasn’t part of the initial plan, but he really couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, so now he can only pray to the heavens that he has some decent ingredients in his fridge.

“You are cooking tonight?” Jeno shuffles in after him, scanning Jaemin’s kitchen with a look of wonder on his face. “Wow, you have a gigantic kitchen.”

“Mm, I will be blessing your tastebuds with my cooking,” Jaemin hums. “What do you think about having Bibimbap and Jajangmyeon for dinner?”

“That sounds delicious already,” Jeno comes to stand behind Jaemin, watching him intently as he slices up some carrots. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Oh, please,” Jaemin scoffs. “Not everyone is useless in the kitchen like you.”

“I’m not useless in the kitchen!” Jeno complains, but Jaemin can see the confusion in his eyes as his gaze follows him around the kitchen.

They argue for a little while more after that. Jeno tries valiantly not to embarrass himself, but he retreats back into the living room with a sheepish grin when he fails to differentiate between a bread knife and a steak knife.

Jaemin can’t help but smile as he watches Jeno lumber around the living room, checking out the pictures and awards hanging on his wall. They still fall back into their familiar bickering dynamics every now and then, but their squabbles are now a lot more lighthearted.

He doesn’t talk about it, but he knows he likes their playful banter a lot more than their old gunpowder-laced fights.

“Oh god, this tastes so heavenly. I demand that you cook for me in the future as well.” Jeno groans as he shovels the remaining rice into his mouth, staring longingly at the empty plates on the table.

Jaemin laughs heartily. It’s the first time he has cooked for someone other than Taeyong, and honestly he hadn’t expected Jeno to like the food so much. He has to admit that it is rather nice to see that someone appreciates his cooking, and he can’t help but puff his chest out in pride; he did pick up all his culinary skills from his mother, after all.

“Come over next time and I’ll consider,” Jaemin piles the dishes up together, bringing them over to the kitchen. Jeno trails after him, watching him as he sets down the dishes in the sink. He had wanted to invest in a dishwasher since he first moved in, but life has been so hectic that he barely even uses his kitchen nowadays.

It’s a good thing that Jeno stayed for dinner tonight then, Jaemin thinks as he leans against the sink, because at least he is finally eating home-cooked meals and not takeaways anymore.

“Come over next time, you say?” Jeno grabs the sponge and gloves from Jaemin. He doesn’t look at him directly, but Jaemin suddenly feels all flustered.

“Yeah, I mean…” his voice trails off as he gesticulates with his hands awkwardly. “I like cooking, and you seem to like the food, so–”

“Doyoung thinks we have managed to convince the public that we are good friends, and he said we could stop hanging out today,” Jeno cuts him off, an oddly intense look in his eyes. “I’m sure Taeyong has informed you too?”

Jaemin freezes, his hand falling limply by his side. Taeyong did mention it in the morning, but he hadn’t paid much attention because well, he didn’t think it was anything too serious. But looking at Jeno now, the firm lines on his face, Jaemin’s heart thuds.

Does he want to break their arrangement off? Jaemin knows he would be okay with it–going back to ignoring each other, never appearing in public together ever again–but the thought leaves a weirdly sour taste in his mouth. He didn’t think that their brief friendship (can it even be considered friendship?) would end so soon. They have just started getting along, for god’s sake. It would be hell to go back to competing against each other for every small thing.

Jeno tilts his head, studying Jaemin carefully. As if he could sense the myriad of thoughts pounding against his temples, Jeno leans over to flick Jaemin’s forehead, sending soap suds everywhere. Jaemin yells in protest, but Jeno merely laughs as he turns back to the dishes. It’s a short, tinkling sound, but it manages to clear the chaos in Jaemin’s head a little.

“You know, my offer still stands.”

“What offer?”

“To be friends,” Jeno takes a deep breath. “I know this is all just a publicity stunt, but I don’t mind hanging out with you. In fact, I quite like talking to you, and I know you do too.”

Friends. Air enters his lungs in a whoosh, and the tightness in his throat disappears. It’s scary how fast he calms down almost immediately at Jeno’s words, and he would have felt embarrassed if he wasn’t so relieved.

“So? What do you think?” There’s an uncertain look in Jeno’s eyes, and at that moment, Jaemin can’t help but laugh out loud. Even in his mind, he knows they look absolutely ridiculous–they are standing two feet apart, on two sides of the sink, talking about being friends after just having had dinner together. But despite how amusing their entire situation is, it doesn’t fail to fill Jaemin’s heart with a warm, fluttery feeling.

“If we become friends, can I still feed off your acting tips?”

Jeno looks up with a start, chuckling at the teasing grin playing at Jaemin’s mouth. “You can count on that. Does this mean I can still make use of your popularity too?”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind boosting your popularity a little,” Jaemin sniffs. “Only a little, though.”

The smile on Jeno’s face is so genuine that it turns Jaemin’s stomach upside down. Just a few weeks ago, Jeno had smiled at him like this as a joke, and it’s mind-blowing how real it is this time. Jaemin knows he is probably mirroring the expressions on Jeno’s face right now, and he tries to hold all his emotions in even though they threaten to burst through his chest. It’s been ages since he had tried making friends, and it feels as if he is in high school all over again, reaching out to the world tentatively.

“So...friends?” Jeno bumps his shoulder playfully.

“Who would have thought?” Jaemin wonders out loud. It feels like it was just yesterday when he had first glared at Jeno and declared that he hated him. Now, though, as he digs through his heart to scrounge for his emotions, the resentment he used to feel is nowhere to be found.

Jeno sprays up more water as he washes the plates, drenching half of Jaemin’s countertop. He turns around to offer an abashed smile, and though Jaemin knows it’ll be painful to clean all the water up later, he can’t bring himself to chide Jeno.

Friends, huh? Jaemin likes the sound of that word.

Later that night, when Jeno is ready to leave, there’s a moment of hesitation as they stare at each other, not quite sure what to say. Jaemin watches Jeno as he slips into his sneakers, shuffling his feet on the ground.

“Goodnight, Jeno,” Jaemin waves. No one in the industry has been to his house before, except for Taeyong of course, so for a moment he forgets how to bid someone goodbye. It’s such a foreign feeling, seeing Jeno standing in front of his house.

They are friends, Jaemin has to remind himself, friends visit each other regularly.

“Goodnight, Jaemin,” Jeno waves back. Under the fluorescent lamp hanging outside his apartment, Jeno’s entire face is illuminated. Jaemin is pleased to see that he looks happy, despite the thick eye bags underneath his eyes; the usual tense muscles in his face have relaxed, and he hums a lighthearted tune underneath his breath.

“See you tomorrow,” Jeno rocks on the balls of his feet. “I know you usually grab lunch with Taeyong, but would you like to join me and Doyoung tomorrow?”

“Doyoung wouldn’t mind,” Jeno adds quickly, and his voice is softer when he says, earnestly. “I would like that too.”

“I don’t know, I still don’t quite like you,” Jaemin teases, but his words don’t have their usual bite in them. Both he and Jeno know that it isn’t true, anyway.

“I know, Jaemin,” Jeno laughs. His eyes crinkle into crescents as he smiles, and something hard knocks against the inside of Jaemin’s chest. “I know.”

✧

Jaemin would like to believe that becoming friends with Jeno has brought about a colossal amount of change, but truthfully, life doesn't feel any different. Filming still takes up most of his time, and amidst the huge workload he is bombarded with, Jeno has managed to wheedle his way into his life, settling down in a tiny corner of his heart.

He has only just taken up a tiny corner, but Jaemin feels his presence prominently, from the thuds in his heart, all the way down to the tingle in his toes. This past week, they have started hanging out a lot more outside of work–eating dinner together after filming, grabbing a random drink or two at the bar, and even shopping for groceries together. These things are not much far from what they have been doing even during their publicity stunt, and it makes Jaemin wonder if they have actually been friends all along, unknowingly.

Jaemin blames the excessive amount of grocery shopping on Jeno, though. Ever since the first time he had come over for dinner, he couldn't seem to get over the food that Jaemin had cooked. In fact, he even makes it a point to drag Jaemin to the supermarkets every once a week, which has really taken a toll on his fridge. Jaemin always makes sure to complain incessantly on the way there, but if he is being honest, those shopping trips are fun. (Besides, it was intriguing to find out that Jeno can’t tell the difference between a plum and a peach.)

Apart from all the unnecessary grocery trips, Jeno also seems to have taken it upon himself to pester Jaemin whenever he wishes to. It’s no secret that Jaemin is a homebody, and if there is one thing he absolutely detests, it is straying more than five feet away from his bathtub on a Friday night. But after listening to Jeno whine for one week straight about cycling, he finally relented and agreed to go biking with him at night.

Jeno’s biking sessions, to put it simply, are strenuous. In Jaemin’s brain, cycling has always been a casual and relaxing activity, so it had been quite a shock for him to see Jeno in his professional biking gear. They had circled around Han River once, and Jaemin was totally ready to cycle back home, when Jeno had turned around with a grin and said (excitedly, mind you) nine more rounds to go! Needless to say, Jaemin felt like punching Jeno the entire time they were cycling.

And now, standing in front of his bathroom mirror, staring at himself, Jaemin can’t quite believe what he is seeing. He is still panting from exertion, hair matted on his forehead from all the sweat, but he hasn’t felt this carefree in a long while. A happy flush sits high on his cheeks, and there’s an odd twinkle in his eyes that he hasn’t seen in ages.

If he listens closely, he can almost hear his rapid heartbeats reverberating in his ears, and he is pretty sure it isn’t merely from exhaust. Jaemin presses a hand to his chest, willing his heart rate to slow down as he leans against his bathroom door. A silly grin rises onto his face when he thinks back about what Jeno had said while cycling–the Jaemin then had nearly doubled up from laughter, and just thinking about it now fills his stomach with an immeasurable amount of warmth.

Just go with the flow, Taeyong had said, treat Jeno as your dear friend if you enjoy his company. At that time, Jaemin hadn’t put much thought into his words, but it does make a lot of sense now that he thinks about it.

If merely hanging out with Jeno already makes him so content, then Jaemin truly, truly wishes for a long-lasting friendship.

When Jaemin pulls open his door to find Jeno, drenched and soaked to the bone, he is barely even fazed. Now that they have become friends, it is no longer unusual for Jeno to appear at the randomest of times anymore. Though, Jaemin has to admit that Jeno really does choose the weirdest timings ever.

Take now, for example–it’s already ten on a Thursday night. Filming starts at eight in the morning tomorrow, for god’s sake.

Scanning Jeno from head to toe, Jaemin lets out an uncontrollable sigh. “First of all, what are you doing here? And secondly, why in the world are you dripping wet?”

“L-let me in first,” Jeno’s teeth chatter. There’s already a giant puddle forming under his shoes, and droplets of water roll down his face. “I’m so cold, god.”

Jaemin tuts, opening his door wider for Jeno to enter. It’s raining cats and dogs outside, thunder booming in the distance and lighting threatening to tear the night sky apart. Jaemin doesn’t even know what Jeno is doing outside in this kind of weather, because he sure as hell hasn’t stepped out of his house since the afternoon.

Jeno shivers, shuffling closer to Jaemin for warmth. “I was cycling. The rain got too heavy though.”

“In this weather?” Jaemin gasps, staring at Jeno incredulously as he grabs a towel. “Gosh, are you insane?”

“It wasn’t raining when I left my house,” Jeno grumbles, humming appreciatively when Jaemin throws him the towel. “How was I supposed to know that it was going to rain?”

“There’s something called a weather forecast, dummy,” Jaemin watches as Jeno rubs his head with the towel in vigorous motions, sending rainwater flying in all directions. Resisting the urge to sigh yet again, Jaemin grabs the towel from Jeno’s hand gently, pulling him closer.

“Why can’t you even dry your hair properly, hm?”

“I can do it by myself,” Jeno complains, but he makes no move to step away. A small smile graces his lips as he tilts his head down, allowing Jaemin to fumble with his hair.

“Why are you even cycling in this area, anyway?” Jaemin frowns, placing the towel down gently on Jeno’s neck. He knows Jeno lives at least forty-five minutes away, and he doesn’t usually appear near Jaemin’s house, certainly not in this terrible weather either.

“Um...” the apples of Jeno’s cheek turn bright red, and he looks unnaturally shy as he looks anywhere but at Jaemin. “We haven’t had the time to hang out in awhile, so I wanted to drop by to surprise you or something.”

There are a million definitions for the word friendship. And well, Jaemin thinks as he stares at Jeno, it’s honestly simple. It doesn’t matter what others say, but he knows deep down in his heart that what keeps a friendship going is the amount of effort you put in. And Jaemin appreciates Jeno for this, truly–it is rather comforting to know that there is someone in the world who is willing to go all out just to keep you company.

Jaemin’s heart feels strangely heavy in his chest, and he tries to keep his voice lighthearted when he raises an eyebrow, “Does your surprise include crashing my dinner and insisting that I cook for you too?”

Jeno laughs, a sound that has long become familiar to Jaemin’s ears. “I just wanted to see you, honestly. But that, too, I guess.”

Jaemin swallows, and he knows his cheeks are flushed when Jeno looks back at him. Recently, Jeno has started making many weird throwaway comments, and half of them are unfathomable. They always leave Jaemin feeling utterly confused, heart thumping fiercely in his chest.

Even now, as Jeno continues to gaze at him, eyes strangely gentle, Jaemin doesn’t know what to say. Or what to do, honestly.

“Come on,” he coughs, hoping it isn't too obvious that his neck is heating up as he leads Jeno to his room. “Let’s get you changed.”

Jaemin digs out a random hoodie for Jeno to wear. It’s black, with no design on it whatsoever except for one tiny logo. Jeno had worn something similar to their filming site before, so he thought it would fit him quite well.

“Here,” Jaemin hands it over to Jeno. There are few loose threads at the side and its colour has long faded, having been worn quite often in the past.

“Sweet,” Jeno inspects the hoodie. “The material feels very comfortable.”

“It is. Now change before you catch a cold,” Jaemin reaches forward to push Jeno towards the bathroom, but before he has the chance to say anything, Jeno has already pulled his shirt off in one swift motion.

And holy god, Jaemin’s mouth goes dry.

When they used to hate each other, registering the fact that Jeno is hot hadn’t really been a top priority. It wasn’t that he didn’t know that Jeno had a good body, he simply didn’t want to acknowledge it. Now that they are friends, it is impossible not to pay attention anymore. He had tried to refrain from letting his mind stray in that direction, but with Jeno displaying everything in full blast right in front of him, Jaemin doesn’t know what to do.

Because goddamn, Jeno is hot.

He can only freeze, rooted to the spot, as he drinks in the sight of Jeno changing. From his angle, he can see the sharp dips of Jeno’s collarbones, and the well-defined muscles in his shoulders flex when he lifts his arms. Rainwater still clings to his hair, and they roll down the side of his neck when he moves. It takes all of Jaemin’s willpower not to let his eyes slide any lower, and as much as he tries to shift his gaze to something else in his room, it comes back to land on Jeno ultimately.

Jeno seems to be completely unaware of Jaemin’s internal turmoil as he takes his own sweet time. And while Jaemin admires the wide expanse of skin he has on display, he can’t help but pray that Jeno slips on the hoodie faster.

As if his goal is to evoke a pandemonium in Jaemin’s head, Jeno turns around fully. And, god, Jaemin is truly screwed. Jeno’s eyes lock onto his, and suddenly his four-hundred square feet bedroom feels a little too small. Jaemin is aware of the incessant buzzing in his ears, loud enough to drown out all his thoughts, and the roaring of his blood only increases in volume when Jeno doesn’t break his intense gaze.

There’s definitely a blush on his face right now, no doubt. In fact, Jaemin fears that Jeno can sense all the heat radiating off him, given how badly he is flushing red. It doesn’t make sense, honestly, because why in the world would he react so strongly to seeing half of his friend’s body? It’s Jeno, for god’s sake.

That doesn’t change anything, though. The air is still too hot, too suffocating, and Jaemin wants to get the hell out of his room. He probably wouldn’t be able to stand another second of looking at Jeno without turning bright red, and this is already enough embarrassment for the day.

“Well, I’ll…” Jaemin gestures wildly with his hands. Jeno raises an eyebrow, the damned hoodie still in his hands, and Jaemin loses his strand of thought promptly.

“I’ll leave you to it, join me in the living room when you are done,” is all he manages to croak out before he hightails out of his bedroom. He knows his voice came out all crackly and weirdly high-pitched, but it is the last of his worries right now.

He can still feel the intensity of Jeno’s gaze trained on the back of his neck, and Jaemin knows that if he looks back, he won’t be able to stop himself. From doing what, though, he doesn’t quite know.

Later, when he barricades himself in his bathroom, Jaemin finally manages to relax. Without the prick of Jeno’s gaze on him anymore, the tension dissipates out of his shoulders almost instantly.

The pounding in his chest doesn’t stop though; his heart continues galloping, so fast that it threatens to leap out of his chest. It’s not a normal reaction, Jaemin knows, god he knows, but he doesn’t want to think about it. He also knows that if he looks into the mirror, he will see an incredibly flustered version of himself–red-cheeked and flushed all the way to the tips of his ears–so no, he isn’t going to let himself look into the mirror.

But if he closes his eyes, the image of Jeno slipping his shirt off floats into view immediately, tauntingly distinct. Jaemin hates how it has already automatically imprinted itself into his memory.

Pressing a hand against his chest, he slumps against his bathroom wall, counting down till it his heart rate finally returns to normal. The butterflies in the pit of his stomach flutter up a storm, and for the first time in forever, Jaemin doesn’t want to acknowledge them.

They don’t talk about it. Or rather, Jaemin feels too flustered to talk about it, and Jeno doesn't even seem to know that it’s an issue.

Jaemin had meant to ignore him for a while as he tried to collect his thoughts, but the moment Jeno walks out of his bedroom, clad comfortably in his hoodie, his resolve crumbles. The ends of Jeno’s hair have started drying, and they stand up straight, poking in all directions.

He looks as if he had just woken up, and Jaemin can’t help but laugh as he waves him over to the sofa. Jeno plops down, leaning against the headrest, shooting a lazy smile in Jaemin’s direction.

Jaemin’s heart knocks against his rib cage again, hard. He frowns as he presses a palm on his chest, swallowing when he registers just how fast his heart is pumping. This isn’t normal.

“You look a little red,” Jeno peeks at him curiously, and Jaemin resists the urge to move back when Jeno shifts closer. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin fans himself, trying desperately to get himself to cool down and stop acting like a flustered teenager. “I’m fine. Just feeling a little hot, that’s all.”

Jeno raises an eyebrow, and the grin on his face is way too cheeky when he says, “Do you have any cold drinks, then? Preferably some beer?”

Jeno probably shouldn’t be drinking anything cold, lest he catches a cold, but Jaemin only remembers that when Jeno has already gulped down half of his can of beer. Jaemin wrinkles his nose in distaste at the brown can in Jeno’s hands; he never understood the hype that surrounds alcoholic drinks (in fact, he thinks they taste absolutely awful) and the only reason why he even has beer in his house is because Jeno bought it during one of their grocery shopping sessions.

Jaemin swirls his own can of peach soda, taking a small sip. Outside, rain still falls relentlessly, but with Jeno just mere inches away from him, he feels incredibly cozy. The heater buzzes in the background, and Jaemin can feel dreamland gradually lulling him in, until a chuckle snaps him back to reality.

“I finished it,” Jeno laughs, shaking the empty can in Jaemin’s face. He looks a lot happier, the features on his face all loose and relaxed as he leans against Jaemin’s shoulder.

“Alright, that’s enough beer for the night,” Jaemin grabs the can, ignoring Jeno’s protests as he places it down on the coffee table.

After weeks of tolerating Jeno’s drunk ass, Jaemin has come to find that he is extremely clingy and sleepy whenever he gets intoxicated. Sure enough, Jeno lets out a tiny sigh, pressing so close that Jaemin can feel his warm skin burning through the hoodie. He resists the urge to wrap his arms around Jeno and squeeze him tightly in a hug.

He should really put a stop to these weird thoughts.

Jaemin tries not to move his arm too much, just in case he does something on impulse, and he settles for staring quietly at Jeno instead. His eyes have fluttered close, and Jaemin can see the tiny mole below his right eye. It’s something he had noticed quite recently, and indeed, it is very pretty up close.

Jaemin leans closer, and the pounding in his heart gets a little too heavy. He must be suffering from acid reflux, Jaemin decides eventually, that must be it. There’s simply no other explanation for his erratic heartbeats.

Jeno opens one eye, and Jaemin pulls back immediately. It’s crazy to think that he had spent the past few minutes just ogling Jeno’s face, and he hopes Jeno won’t notice the faint pink hues on his face–the lighting in his house is rather dim, thank the heavens.

“What are you doing now?” Jeno’s voice is low and heady, and something stirs in Jaemin’s stomach.

“Nothing. Are you sleepy?” Jaemin flicks some hair away from Jeno’s eyes, watching as he struggles to keep his eyes open.

“Mm, a little,” Jeno yawns. “Let’s talk, though.”

“About what?”

“You know, I’ve always wondered...” Jeno peers at him through his lashes. “Why did you hate me so much last time? You literally hated me from the first moment we met.”

Jaemin pauses, his hand stilling in the air. Well...this was not what he had expected Jeno to ask. Even as he tries to think about why he hated Jeno in the past, Jaemin can’t really come up with anything valid. Was it jealousy? Competitiveness? These emotions barely exist anymore.

“You act really well,” Jaemin starts, trying to find the right words to say. “You act so well that I got jealous. I’m a competitive person, you know? I couldn’t accept the fact that you were getting so popular in such a short amount of time. I’m sorry for being mean to you on the first day, by the way.”

“You were jealous?” Jeno gasps, and the wonder in his eyes is almost palpable. “Of me?”

“God, don’t make me repeat it again,” Jaemin grumbles.

“There’s nothing for us to compete about,” Jeno points out. “The genres of shows we act in are vastly different. Besides, the whole nation loves you!”

“I realised that a little too late, as you can see.”

“I’ve watched your show before,” Jeno admits, and Jaemin can see a red blush dotting his cheeks. “The one that got released last year. Was it The Moon and Stars?”

“God, I can’t believe you watched that,” Jaemin winces. Out of all the romantic comedies he has acted in before, The Moon and Stars was by far the worst. It has a kissing scene in almost every episode, and just thinking about Jeno watching it makes him flush all the way down to his toes.

Strangely, Jaemin wishes Jeno hadn’t watched it. He could have watched all the others, and it wouldn't even be half as bad, goddammit.

“Don’t worry,” Jeno lets out a small chuckle as he takes in Jaemin’s gloomy expression. “It wasn’t that bad. You got some terribly cringey lines, though.”

“Oh yeah?” Jaemin shudders, and the flashbacks from when he was shooting for the show fly into mind, completely unwelcomed. “Imagine repeating the same few cringey lines for three whole months.”

Jeno laughs at this, his nose scrunching up. “Now I kinda understand why you were jealous of me. Are you still jealous now?”

“You wish,” Jaemin scoffs. It’s the truth–rather than wasting his time feeling envious, Jaemin has learnt to appreciate Jeno’s brilliant acting instead. He is already used to the way Jeno throws himself into his character wholeheartedly, but watching him act on set every single day still feels astounding.

“Well, no matter what, I’m glad we became friends,” Jeno’s flops back down, head lolling on Jaemin’s shoulder.

Jaemin turns to look at him. Jeno’s expression is so sincere and tender that it tugs at his heart. Hard. And at that moment, Jaemin can’t help but smile, heart thudding painfully in his chest.

“Me too.”

✧

Donghyuck corners him in the dressing room just as he is about to leave. Jaemin is so preoccupied with texting Jeno that he doesn’t even realise that Donghyuck is standing in front of him until he tuts loudly.

“Oh, hello,” Jaemin pockets his phone, tapping his foot impatiently as he looks at the time. He is supposed to meet Jeno at the basement in five minutes to grab food together before heading home, and if he doesn’t hurry down he’ll be late.

“Hello,” Donghyuck shifts his weight to his right foot, leaning casually against the wall. His stance reminds Jaemin of a predator, ready to pounce and bite any second. Even after two months, Lee Donghyuck is still a rather confusing specimen, and Jaemin regards him wearily. He never knows what is going to come out of Donghyuck’s mouth, and if there’s one thing that he absolutely hates, it is unpredictability.

“So...are you and Jeno good friends now?”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow at the bluntness of Donghyuck’s question. It’s funny how he had just voiced the thought so casually, when it had been plaguing Jaemin for days.

Jaemin and Jeno. Good friends. It’s been a month, but the concept of them being good friends still sounds bizarre even to his own ears. His mind strays back to the tiny hoodie mishap, a picture of shirtless Jeno appearing unconsciously, and he can’t help but wince.

“I guess we are,” Jaemin says slowly, carefully.

Donghyuck laughs at this. “You don’t sound sure.”

“We are good friends,” Jaemin corrects himself, making sure his voice is firmer this time. Saying it out loud makes it seem a little more real, and Jaemin can’t help but marvel at how things have changed so much in just the span of a month.

“You know, I never expected this to happen,” Donghyuck muses, a tiny pout forming on his lips. “I always thought that we would stand united in hating Jeno. What happened?”

Jaemin flushes, the back of his neck heating up. He had completely forgotten that he and Donghyuck used to bitch about Jeno almost everyday; since the rumours had sprouted out a few weeks ago, he had been so caught up with resolving the issue that everything else had been pushed to a side.

Donghyuck is still staring at him, a curious light in his eyes. Thankfully, there doesn’t seem to be any animosity in his voice, and Jaemin relaxes a little.

“Jeno isn’t too bad,” he admits. “I got to know him a lot better, and I realised I shouldn’t have been so hard on him.”

“Is that so? Does this mean the two of you won’t be competing against each other anymore?”

Jaemin stills at Donghyuck’s words. He tries not to let himself think about it, but he can’t help but be reminded by the fact that his dislike for Jeno used to stem from competitiveness and jealousy. Most of those feelings have been dimmed, though, and as hard as he tries to dig for them within himself, they lack their original intensity. Donghyuck cocks his head to one side, a smirk tickling the edges of his mouth, as if he knows just what Jaemin is thinking about.

“We’ll definitely still compete against each other. It’s inevitable in the industry, anyway,” Jaemin finally settles for the answer both he and Jeno had agreed upon. “But that won’t affect anything.”

“That’s nice to hear,” Donghyuck grins, teeth flashing brightly under the fluorescent lamps. It’s such a vague and unfathomable answer that Jaemin feels frustration kicking in the pits of his stomach yet again.

“Why are you so interested in my friendship with Jeno, anyway?” Jaemin narrows his eyes.

“It’s nothing much,” Donghyuck’s eyes glitter when he sends Jaemin a wink. “Just wondering if the two of you are still competing, so I can gauge my chances of winning an award this year.”

Right. The award ceremonies are happening soon. For a moment, Jaemin can’t quite believe that they have completely slipped from his mind, when they used to be everything he looks forward to.

“Oh,” Donghyuck’s eyes widen in mock disbelief as he takes in Jaemin’s hesitance. “Have you forgotten? Both you and Jeno might be nominated for Best Actor this year.”

Jaemin watches Jeno from his peripheral vision, trying not to laugh as he tugs fiercely at the bow tie hanging around his neck. The Baeksang Arts Awards are scheduled to start in another two hours, and Jeno has decided to join him in freshening up before they head to the ceremony together.

“I don’t understand why we have to wear a goddamn bow tie,” Jeno complains. “Look at it,” he tears it off his neck in one swift motion. “What a nuisance.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, turning around to show off his own bow tied neatly around his neck. It’s a huge contrast to Jeno, whose lapels have already gone wrinkly from all the fidgeting.

“It’s not that hard, idiot. Now come here and let me help you, before you ruffle up your suit,” Jaemin rolls his eyes as he beckons Jeno over.

Jeno shuffles forward, and Jaemin lets his eyes wander appreciatively over his broad shoulders. Jeno looks good in a suit, Jaemin thinks faintly, unfairly good. His hair has been styled to part at the side, and his physique is easily accentuated by his white dress shirt.

Jaemin can feel the familiar tightness gathering in his heart again, and he swallows as he grabs the bow tie from Jeno. His hand shakes when he pulls Jeno closer to fasten the bow tie around his neck, and he hopes Jeno doesn’t notice the way his breathing has picked up.

“See? It’s difficult, isn’t it?”

Jaemin startles, the clips on the bow tie slipping from his fingers once again. He avoids Jeno’s gaze, choosing to stare at his nose instead. Tying a bow isn’t hard, of course, and the only reason why he is struggling is because of their close proximity.

But of course, Jaemin doesn’t tell Jeno that.

After two whole minutes, he finally gets the bow tie to stay put. Pulling away slightly, Jaemin doesn’t know if he is relieved or disappointed. The insistent thudding in his chest isn’t giving him any answers, sadly.

For a moment, he can’t find anything to say as they stare at each other quietly. They are still standing really close, much too close, and Jaemin should really step away, but his feet don’t seem to be functioning.

“This is a nice hairstyle,” Jeno says softly, and his hand comes up to brush a strand of hair away from Jaemin’s face. “You look good.”

“Yeah?” Jaemin lets loose a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, stumbling backwards to clear his head. His brain is still slightly muddled, thick with straying thoughts, and standing so close to Jeno isn’t helping at all.

“Yeah,” by the time Jaemin looks up again, the gentle expression on Jeno’s face has already been replaced by something more solemn. There’s a tiny frown sitting in the middle of his brows, and Jaemin’s hand itches to reach up and smooth it away.

This is going too far, really. Jaemin clenches his hand into a trembling ball at his side.

“Both of us are nominated for two awards today,” Jeno says hesitantly, snapping Jaemin out from his thoughts. His shoulders are tense, and his jaw has tightened.

“We are,” Jaemin agrees easily. The awards ceremony has been a hot topic in the tabloids recently, and Jaemin has already seen quite a wide array of predictions online.

“We are both nominated for the same award,” Jeno clears his throat. “Best actor.”

“And?” Jaemin prods curiously. He has somewhat of an inkling what Jeno is going to say, but he isn’t sure yet.

“If I–if one of us…” Jeno fumbles with his words, red blotches rising on his cheeks. “If one of us receives the award, that won’t change anything between us, right?”

Jaemin frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I don't want our friendship to be ruined by a stupid award,” Jeno takes a deep breath, eyes earnest when he stares straight at Jaemin.

Jaemin’s heart clenches so hard that he surprises himself. Frankly speaking, he hadn’t really been thinking too much about the award recently. It’s weird, but he doesn’t feel any intense desire; he wants to win, certainly, but it isn’t a priority anymore.

It hasn’t been a priority for a long time, Jaemin realises belatedly. In fact, awards and popularity haven't plagued his brain much ever since he truly got to know Jeno.

“Like you said, this award is stupid,” Jaemin says dryly, and he knows his voice is fierce with conviction when he continues, “This means it won’t affect anything at all.”

The grin that breaks across Jeno’s face is startlingly bright, and he looks so relieved that Jaemin’s heart hurts. He can’t remember how he had ever thought that competing against Jeno was a good idea.

“It’s your second awards ceremony, isn’t it?” Jaemin stretches his hands out to fix the askew buttons on Jeno’s suit. “Enjoy it, and stop fretting about this nonsense.”

“Okay,” Jeno smiles, voice light and happy. “Okay.”

Jeno is nervous. It’s easy to tell from all his excessive fidgeting–the repeated crossing and uncrossing of legs, the clasping of fingers, the scuffling of shoes against the carpeted floor. Jaemin watches him, nudging his shoulders with a gentle shake of his head.

“Don’t fidget.”

“I can’t help it,” Jeno whispers back. There’s a slight tremor in his voice, but seated with his face illuminated by the stage lights, Jeno looks every bit like the movie star Jaemin knows he will one day become.

They turn back to the stage as Donghyuck, emcee for the night, waves the silver envelope in his hands at the audience. The mutters quiet down immediately, and Jaemin looks towards the screen. They are playing the scenes from films and shows the nominated actors have acted in, and Jaemin barely even pays any attention to his own clip. He leans forward, though, when Jeno’s clip comes into view.

It’s the scene from Remember me where he finds out he has cancer, the same scene that had Jaemin enraptured from the first moment he saw it. And by now, Jaemin knows there’s no point in the award anymore. It doesn’t make sense not to give it to Jeno, not when the mere emotions in that scene are enough to ignite a collective intake of breath from the audience.

“The Best Actor award goes to…” Donghyuck pauses for dramatic effect, and Jaemin can see just the barest hint of smile at the ends of his lips, before he announces loudly. “Lee Jeno, for his role in Remember me!”

Best Actor when he is only one year into his acting career. It’s astounding, truly.

The applause is thunderous, and Jaemin watches as Jeno walks up the stage, eyes wide in wonder. There’s a dazzlingly radiant smile on his face, almost blinding when projected on the enlarged screen. Jeno looks so incredibly joyful that it tugs at Jaemin’s heart uncontrollably.

This should have made him afraid or jealous or insecure. He should have been filled with an immense amount of jealousy, the kind that pricks at the nape of his neck and grips so tightly at his heart that he can’t breathe. He should have felt furious, just like how he had reacted when he had watched Jeno receive his first award last year.

But these emotions don’t emerge. Instead, Jaemin feels nothing but pride when he looks at Jeno, the award shining brightly in his hands. He claps furiously, louder than all the others around him, till his palms hurt. Still, the pride he feels in his heart for Jeno doesn’t die down one bit.

In the past, his concern has always been trying to pretend that he is happy for Jeno whenever he wins an award. And if you had told Jaemin two months ago that he would one day be cheering for his rival, he would have laughed in your face. But now, as Jaemin spends a whole five minutes just trying to hold back a smile, nothing feels truer than this.

When Jeno slips back into his seat, face flushed and a crazed look in his eyes, Jaemin ignores all rationality and grabs his hand. Surprise lights up Jeno’s eyes, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he intertwines their hands, making sure their fingers slot perfectly against one another, before giving it a gentle squeeze.

And at that moment, gazing at the unadulterated happiness on Jeno’s face, Jaemin wishes he could reach forward, cradle Jeno’s head in his palms, and kiss him square on the mouth.

Jaemin only registers his overwhelming thoughts a few minutes later. After all, confusing emotions take a while to digest, and Jaemin can feel his horror mounting as his brain slowly catches up with his thoughts.

He had thought about kissing Jeno.

Jaemin looks down at their interlaced fingers, then he turns to look at Jeno. Jeno seems to sense his gaze, and he offers him a small smile, squeezing his hand again. Jaemin turns back to the stage, the thundering sound of blood rushing to his ears. His brain is nothing but an empty shell, buzzing incessantly with an infinite number of incoherent thoughts.

He had thought about kissing Jeno.

Jaemin doesn’t want to acknowledge what this means.

In the comfort of his bed, Jaemin finally allows himself to sort through his bundle of emotions. After the awards ceremony, they had driven back in silence. Mostly because Jaemin can’t bring himself to say anything. He couldn’t trust himself to talk to Jeno, not when his head was nearly exploding from the onslaught of thoughts.

It hasn't gotten better. Now, staring blankly at his ceiling, his brain is still a muddled mess. There's too many things to think about all at once–to start off, why did he even feel like kissing Jeno, for example.

Jaemin shuts his eyes in frustration. He had tried to keep himself occupied with other things–namely, wiping his sink down five times in row then stumbling into the living room to watch a stupid horror movie (which scared the shit out of him)–but his mind always wanders back to the same recurring question.

If he closes his eyes, he can still see Jeno, happiness painted all over his face as he had intertwined their fingers. He can also see Jeno in small fragments of random memories, embedded deep in his brain–Jeno smiling at him as they laugh over hotpot, Jeno sending him a cat gif in the middle of work, Jeno spending nights pouring over their scripts, Jeno appearing at the weirdest hours just to ask him to go for a walk.

Jaemin can’t imagine life without Jeno anymore. In fact, he can’t even imagine thinking about Jeno and not smiling. Even now, as the thoughts fly past his brain in a flurry, he can feel the edges of his lips curling up.

That’s when Jaemin realises. It hits him, a sudden strong ache in his chest that leaves him breathless for a moment. The characters in the romantic shows he has acted in always go through a crisis whenever they find out that they are in love, coupled with the typical butterflies in the stomach and the silly grins as they scream into their pillows.

But this is not a television show. This is Jaemin, swaddled in his blanket, staring at his ceiling quietly. There are no butterflies, no silly grins, no erratic heartbeats. It’s a simple realisation, a slow smile rising onto his face as what he should have figured out long ago finally dawns on him.

He is in love.

Jaemin is in love, and he doesn’t know what to do.

✧

Falling in love with Jeno, it turns out, is ten times more painful than hating him.

With all these new feelings and discoveries sprouting up in him, it has become a lot more difficult for Jaemin to cover up his overwhelming emotions. It feels as if a dam somewhere in his heart has been broken, and there’s no way for him to mend it. So for the time being, Jaemin lets everything flow out in torrents.

It’s easier for him to stare at Jeno and not feel flustered anymore–he has a good reason now, after all. Jaemin peeks at him from the corner of his eye; there’s a serene expression on Jeno’s face as he lets the makeup artist work on his face. Somehow, one way or another, Jaemin always finds himself staring at Jeno whenever they are getting their makeup done. And for that, his makeup artist had almost prodded him in the eyes twice.

It’s all worth it though, Jaemin thinks, as Jeno reaches over to drum his fingers against his thigh. His hand twitches, and he wishes he could reach over to intertwine their fingers like what Jeno had done at the awards ceremony, but they are surrounded by the crew, so he doesn’t dare to do anything too obvious.

The pining character in romantic films always seem to act flustered around their crush, with sweaty palms and uncontrollable stutters. It does reflect reality to a certain extent, but it doesn’t teach Jaemin what he should do about it.

How should he control his feelings around Jeno? It’s an unanswerable question.

“What are you staring at?” Jeno mumbles.

You. “Nothing,” Jaemin chuckles, but he keeps his eyes trained on Jeno. He looks stunning as usual, of course, but Jaemin can’t seem to tear his eyes off him these past few days; he guesses that has to do with his lovesick revelation too.

He looks down at the hand on his lap, and for a moment he itches to move his pinky to wrap it around Jeno’s, when a loud cough startles him out from his thoughts.

“Jaemin-ssi,” his makeup artist regards him with an exasperated expression. “If you are ready, can you please close your eyes? We need to start on your eyeshadow.”

“There’s something fishy going on here,” Taeyong narrows his eyes at Jaemin as they walk towards the car.

“What do you mean?”

“You look distracted and flustered,” Taeyong tuts. “In fact, you have been distracted the whole day. Your makeup artist complained that you wouldn’t shut your eyes for a good ten minutes. What exactly were you looking at, huh?”

“Nothing,” Jaemin flushes, hoping Taeyong wouldn’t notice the deep red flush on his cheeks. But of course, he sees it immediately. With a triumphant laugh, he grabs Jaemin by the shoulders to inspect him carefully.

“Come on, spill,” Taeyong prods.

“It’s nothing, god,” Jaemin rolls his eyes, but Taeyong doesn’t look the least bit convinced.

“Nothing means there’s something,” Taeyong argues, before an excited twinkle enters his eyes. “I get it now.”

“Get what?”

“It has to do with Jeno, doesn’t it?” Jaemin stares at Taeyong in disbelief; at times, it really does seem like he has access to all of Jaemin’s thoughts, and it is truly very frightening.

“Hah!” Taeyong crosses his arms, leaning against the side of their car. “What about Jeno? Have you finally realised your love for him?”

“Gosh, keep your voice down, will you?” Jaemin hisses as he slaps a hand over Taeyong’s mouth. “How in the world did you know that?”

“Your feelings aren’t exactly hidden,” Taeyong pats Jaemin on the head, as if he is still a little child. “I can detect your intense staring even from a few miles away.”

“Is it that obvious?” There’s a moment of panic as Jaemin wonders if Jeno has already caught on, but he waves it away immediately. Jeno can be rather oblivious sometimes, so it’s alright for now.

“I’m not sure if Jeno can tell, if that’s what you’re asking,” Taeyong says carefully as a smile tears across his face. “But I can definitely tell. Don’t forget, you’ve been stuck to me for seven years! I can’t believe you’re finally growing up, kid.”

“I’m not a kid anymore, I’m already twenty-five,” Jaemin scowls sourly, but he lets Taeyong ruffle his hair. There’s no point fighting the affection, because he knows he’ll always be a kid in Taeyong’s eyes.

“So? When are you going to tell him that you like him?” Taeyong claps excitedly. “Soon?”

Jaemin frowns. He hasn’t thought that far yet, actually. Feelings in the entertainment industry can be a dangerous thing, what with the eyes of the public fixed on them constantly. He had been content with just admiring Jeno from a distance, leaving his feelings alone to simmer quietly, but now that Taeyong has brought it up, he can’t help but think about it.

What should he do? Confess? Hope these feelings disappear?

“Confess to him,” Taeyong seems to sense the conflicting thoughts in Jaemin’s brain. “Tell Jeno that you like him.”

“He might not like me back,” Jaemin gnaws at his bottom lip. It’s a nervous habit that he should get rid of, but he tends to do it quite a lot when it comes to Jeno. “What do I do if that happens?”

“Then just let it go,” Taeyong’s voice is kind, his eyes unbearably serious, but still Jaemin appreciates the brutal honesty in his voice. “There are some things in life that you can’t force.”

“I’m sure Jeno wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, though,” Taeyong reassures him hurriedly. “I see how happy he makes you.”

“Yeah?” An uncontrollable smile rises onto Jaemin’s lips. Jeno does make him happy, truly. It’s not the kind of temporary, sudden exhilarating shots of happiness; it’s more on the tender side, the kind that you only notice after a while.

“Just go for it, Jaem. Think about it,” Taeyong smiles, soft and happy, “What’s better than telling the person you love that you love them?”

"Hello," the moment Jaemin opens his door, he comes face to face with Jeno. There's a small smile on his face, posture relaxed as he leans against the wall. Jaemin sneaks a peek at the clock on his wall–it's already eleven at night, and he knows Jeno probably came over after his commitments for the day have ended.

A Little Happiness is gradually coming to an end; the director is just going through the last few scenes with Donghyuck and Heejin, so the two of them are barely needed on set anymore. They haven't seen each other for a week, both busy with their new film projects, and Jaemin can't help but feel tiny tendrils of happiness curl around his heart as he takes in the sight of Jeno.

It had been easier when filming had still been hectic, because at least that meant he could still see him everyday. A twinge of nostalgia jabs him in the ribs, sharply; Jaemin would never have thought that he would one day miss acting alongside Jeno, but here he is now. A Little Happiness hasn’t officially ended, yet he misses Jeno already.

"I feel like I haven't really seen you in a long time," Jeno frowns, voicing out his exact thoughts. "Come on, let's go for a walk."

"Alright, let me get changed," Jaemin swallows. Nowadays, he doesn't really know how to act around Jeno, in fear that he'll make his feelings a little too obvious. Sometimes, he gets so nervous that he is sure that Jeno has already caught on, but he hasn't said anything so far, fortunately.

They make their way down to Han River, and Jaemin lets his thoughts get lost in the wind as he listens to Jeno chatter. There's no one here at this hour, so Jaemin stops worrying about anyone recognising them. He falls into the same rhythm as Jeno's pace, matching the fall of their footsteps against the ground.

"How has your day been?" Jeno hums as he strides forward. "Missed working with me?"

"You wish," Jaemin scoffs, but his heart clenches painfully in his chest. He feels it acutely now, the intense longing, and he can't help but wonder if Jeno feels the same. He wants to see Jeno everyday, he wants to be able to hold his hand without the fear of losing whatever they have now. Goddamnit, he wants to kiss the frown between his eyebrows away.

"Well, I've got to admit that I missed seeing you glare at me on set daily," Jeno laughs, eyes gentle when he turns to look at Jaemin. He sounds serious, and Jaemin's heart pounds. It’s annoyingly loud, but at least it manages to drown some of his thoughts out, and for that Jaemin is thankful.

Me too, Jaemin thinks, but the words don’t make it past his lips. Jeno knows what he is thinking about though, he always does, and he offers a small grin.

“The view here is nice,” Jeno stops near the middle of the river, leaning against the railings. Jaemin nods; the night view of Han River is indeed beautiful–moonlight bounces off the ripples in the water, turning the surface into a shimmery layer of silver.

“Yeah,” Jaemin agrees, turning to look at Jeno. His hair flutters in the small breeze, fluffy strands sticking out in random directions, but he still looks good, nonetheless. “The view here is nice.”

Staring at Jeno unabashedly, it turns out, is something that comes together with discovering his feelings for him. Jaemin lets his eyes trail over Jeno’s face slowly, and he only looks away when Jeno’s head swivels in his direction. It’s embarrassing, really, how obvious he is sometimes.

“What are you thinking about? You are always frowning nowadays,” Jeno cocks his head to the side, reaching forward to smooth the creases between Jaemin’s eyebrows away. His fingers linger there for longer than necessary, but Jaemin doesn’t stop him, because at this point he’ll take whatever he can–more often than not, even the barest brushing of their fingers leaves him breathless.

“Jeno,” the words are out from his mouth before he can even think them through.

“Yeah?”

“Jeno,” Jaemin doesn’t know what else to say. His heart constricts at a frightening rate, thumping incessantly below his collarbone. The chilly air thickens around them, and Jaemin’s throat feels too parched all of a sudden.

“I–” Jaemin swallows, gulping the rest of his words down. This is where he should confess, this is the gut feeling that all the characters he has ever acted as had felt. They always make confession scenes look so easy onscreen–truthfully, it had been easy for him to follow the script and say the three words–but no, it’s a completely different story in real life.

What does he do now? What can he do now? There’s no script for him to follow, no instructions from the director, no goddamn way for him to open his mouth.

Jeno is still staring at him, mere inches away, eyes twinkling even in the dark. His expression is incredibly gentle, and Jaemin’s hand itches to grab his. He must know, Jaemin thinks, he must. There’s no way he doesn't know that Jaemin likes him.

I like you. Jaemin opens his mouth. It’s just three words, but his tongue feels like sandpaper. There’s a suffocating tightness against his throat, and Jaemin has never struggled this much before. Confessing seems easy, but when you are gazing at the person you hold dearest to your heart, thinking about why you like them so much, there’s really no way for you to formulate a coherent sentence.

“I missed you,” Jaemin blurts out instead. “About what you said just now, I do miss you too.”

It’s not what he wants to say, but it’s enough. For now, at least. He turns back to the river, cheeks burning as he avoids Jeno’s gaze. It’s pathetic, how the moon is the only witness to his struggle. If he were a character in a television show, he would have been laughed at for his cowardice.

“Silly,” Jeno teases, but he looks pleased nonetheless. The edges of his eyes crinkle up prettily, and Jaemin can’t help but smile too.

“Since you missed me too,” Jeno bumps his shoulder against his lightly. “This is a sign that we need to hang out more. Dinner at yours tomorrow?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. But staring at the happy smile on Jeno’s face, his heart does a little merry dance too. This wasn’t how he had expected his eventual confession to go, but for now, he is content with having this.

✧

The last day of filming for A Little Happiness comes too soon. One second, it feels like he had just walked onto set, ready to prove himself. But the very next second, the director is waving his hands, shouting elatedly, “That’s a wrap!”

The entire room erupts in cheers, and Jaemin breaks out of character to smile too. The last scene they are filming is, coincidentally, the last scene of the movie as well. Jaemin is leaning against Jeno on the sofa, a bowl of fake popcorn in his hands, and he has never felt this happy before.

“It’s our last scene together, can you believe it?” Jeno’s shoulders press comfortingly against his. It’s constant weight that Jaemin knows will cause him to topple if it is ever removed.

“Seems crazy, huh?” Jaemin grins in wonder, sweeping his eyes across the room. Everyone is chatting excitedly as they finally start gathering up pieces from the set, and all of them seem oblivious that Jaemin and Jeno are still trapped in their tiny bubble. Or perhaps they are already used to seeing the two of them together, in their own world.

“I’m going to miss this,” Jeno admits, a small whisper reserved only for Jaemin. There’s an indecipherable emotion swimming in his eyes; it tells a thousand words, but none at the same time, and Jaemin struggles to grasp what it means.

“I’m going to miss this too. I’m going to miss Donghyuck’s crazy antics, I’m going to miss Heejin scolding him,” Jaemin laughs. “I’m going to miss bullying you everyday.”

When he had first embarked on A Little Happiness, he had wanted it to be over as soon as possible. Now that the end has finally reached, all he wants to do is turn back time and pretend as if they have just begun filming. It’s not natural for him to get attached to a film that badly, but staring at the boy beside him, Jaemin understands why.

“I’m going to miss you,” the words that leave Jeno’s mouth are barely discernible, so soft that Jaemin has to lean forward to catch them.

Oh, Jaemin thinks. Oh.

His heart stutters, and for a moment, he doesn’t quite know what to say, so he settles for curling an arm around Jeno’s shoulders to pull him close.

He should really confess soon.

Jaemin swirls the flute of champagne in his hand, taking a small sip as he watches the crew cheer. To celebrate the end of filming for A Little Happiness, the director has decided to throw all of them a party in his house. There are around forty people standing around chatting, and a noisy song blasts from the loudspeakers.

It’s heartwarming to see everyone gathered here, all the stress from being on set the last thought on their minds. Jaemin has mixed emotions–on one hand, he is glad that he finally has more time to rest. But on the other hand, seeing Jeno only once a week whenever their schedules don’t clash has really made him miss him more.

The music is getting increasingly louder, pounding painfully against his temples, and Jaemin retreats to the kitchen. There’s no one there, thankfully, so Jaemin spends all the time he has to catch a temporary respite. He has never really been someone who enjoys partying–his bathtub is his favorite place, after all–but Donghyuck is absolutely thriving. Jaemin can hear his voice even from two rooms away, and he can’t help but roll his eyes.

“Hey, are you feeling alright?” A soft voice breaks him out from his reverie. Jaemin turns around, the pitter-patters in his heart only growing louder when he sees Jeno lumbering in after him, a concerned expression on his face.

“Yeah. The music is a little too loud,” Jaemin shrugs. “Came to dig for food in the kitchen.”

Jeno laughs, moving closer to lean against Jaemin. He accepts Jeno’s touch, he always does, and the way the tension dissipates out of his body immediately is embarrassing. Jeno doesn’t notice, and Jaemin hopes he can’t tell the way his heart is beating at a million miles an hour either.

There are tiny hues of red dotting Jeno’s cheeks, probably from the influence of whatever he has in his wine glass, and he totters on his feet. Jaemin feels equally as tipsy–Donghyuck had shoved a flute of champagne into his hands before he could even say no, and the effects of alcohol are finally catching up with his mind.

Jeno stares at him, an intense gaze in his eyes, and Jaemin shivers. The room feels too small all of a sudden, the air palpitating in front of him. Jaemin wants to reach out and hold Jeno, grab him and tell him how much he misses him, how much he loves him. His fingers tremble by his side, and he has to set the glass in his hands down lest he breaks it.

“Are you staying here?” Jeno takes a seat, swinging his legs as he refills his glass.

“For a while,” Jaemin waves him towards the door. “Go back to the party, idiot.”

“Nah, it’s not fun without you,” Jeno grins up at him, smiling in the exact way Jaemin has come to love. “I’m going to keep you company.”

And god, Jaemin thinks, screw it.

Before he can register what he is even about to do, Jaemin surges forward to grab Jeno by his lapels, pulling him into a kiss. Jaemin has kissed plenty of people before, mostly from those cringey television scenes, but this is different.

This feels completely new, and Jaemin can’t help but fumble against Jeno’s lips. He doesn’t understand the emotional scope of his actions, and neither does he truly understand their significance or risk. He doesn’t even know where to place his hands, he realises, so he settles for gripping Jeno’s lapels tightly.

It’s gone as fast as it had happened.

Jeno is still, barely moving against him, and Jaemin’s heart jumps in pain. The severity of what he is doing finally dawns on him, and Jaemin lets go of Jeno immediately, stumbling back in horror. He can feel the blood draining from his face as he watches thousands of emotions play across Jeno’s face, leaving him wide-eyed.

“God, god I’m so sorry,” the words leave his mouth is a hushed whisper. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m–”

Jeno cuts him off almost instantly. He moves forward in one swift motion, wrapping an arm around Jaemin’s waist to pull him flush against his chest. He doesn’t do anything for a moment, just holds him gently, tenderly, before he leans down to capture Jaemin’s lips in his.

“Kiss me properly next time, idiot.”

Jaemin doesn’t form a single coherent thought for the next few minutes. Jeno is kissing him, for god’s sake. His hands cup the back of Jaemin’s head gently, leaving no space for him to say anything as he presses their lips together insistently. Jaemin can feel him everywhere, and warmth courses through his body as he lets Jeno hold him close.

He is a famous actor kissing another famous actor in the house of a big director, surrounded by producers and stars and probably a good dozen people whose hobbies included rattling to the tabloids.

But all Jaemin cares about at that moment is that Jeno’s lips are soft. He can taste the remnants of wine against his tongue, the perfect combination of sweet and sour, and he lets himself unravel in it. All Jaemin cares about is that Jeno has kissed him back, and that his arms are wound tightly around his waist, holding him like he means everything to him.

Jaemin wants to lose himself in this, pretend that he can have this for the rest of his life. His heart thumps soundly against Jeno’s chest, and a spike of satisfaction shoots up his spine when he hears Jeno’s equally erratic heartbeats. By the time they pull apart from each other, he knows he looks absolutely debauched.

“Jaemin,” Jeno tugs at the hairs at the back of his neck, a happy smile on his lips as he savours the way Jaemin’s name sounds on his lips. “Na Jaemin.”

“Yeah?” Jaemin relaxes against him, feeling as if his knees would give away any second. He is walking on clouds, floating on a happiness-induced haze.

“Let’s get out of here.”

They run through the streets recklessly, hand in hand, laughing as they try to find a secluded place. It’s dangerous–anyone could have caught sight of them and uploaded a picture online–but Jaemin doesn’t care anymore. Jeno’s hand is warm and steady in his, and that’s the only thing that truly matters tonight.

A young couple walks towards them, chatting loudly. They don’t seem to have noticed Jaemin and Jeno yet, so for a moment, Jaemin freezes in his tracks.

“Come here, idiot,” Jeno tugs him into a small alley, shielding his face as they wait for the couple to pass by them. Jaemin muffles his chuckles in Jeno’s dress shirt, shoulders trembling uncontrollably. It’s funny how they are acting like two teenagers caught sneaking out together, when both of them are already independent adults–famous actors, in fact.

“We should be more careful,” Jeno pokes his head out of the alley, checking for any passers-by. “Wouldn’t want our faces appearing on the headlines tomorrow.”

“Headlines, huh?” Jaemin chortles, shimmying closer to Jeno. “Breaking news: Famous actors Jaemin and Jeno caught on a late-night rendezvous. Reported to be kissing in the middle of the street.”

“Oh shush,” Jeno shoots him a disgruntled smile, but the edges of his eyes crinkle up nonetheless. “Let’s go on our rendezvous, then.”

Jaemin lets him intertwine their fingers as they run across the street together. They end up near the Han River–they always find themselves there, one way or another. Honestly, it has kind of become their special place.

“So?” Jaemin crosses his arms as he leans against the railings, staring at Jeno. His face is brightly illuminated under the moonlight, and Jaemin can clearly see his neck flushing. He knows he is probably blushing too; one might think that actors are good at controlling their facial expressions, but they are most vulnerable and open around those they love.

“So…” Jeno repeats after him, sliding a hand around Jaemin’s waist. “I think I’ve been in love with you since forever, honestly.”

I’ve been in love with you since forever.

Jaemin already knows. He should have known long ago. It’s obvious, the way they stare at each other, the way they miss each other long before even parting ways, the way they want to spend every single second together, the way they appear at each other’s houses at the weirdest hours with random excuses.

Unknowingly, they have crafted their own romantic film, and Jaemin has to admit it is the favorite one he has ever acted in. Jaemin can feel his emotions crashing like waves against his heart, coalescing into a tight ball in his chest that snatches all the breath away from his throat, leaving his head woozy and the world strangely bright.

If this is what being in love feels like, Jaemin thinks, then he would like to be in love forever.

“I think I’ve been in love with you since forever too,” he finally breathes out lightly, brushing a hand through Jeno’s hair. Jeno lets out a sound of disbelief and Jaemin relents, “Alright, maybe not forever. I definitely started out hating you. You did too, in case you forgot.”

“The only reason why I hated you was because you were extremely mean to me on our first meeting,” Jeno rolls his eyes. “You were pretty annoying. Still kind of annoying now.”

“Oh?” Jeno’s actions say otherwise, though, as he pulls Jaemin even closer.

“I don’t know how I fell in love with you, I don’t even know when I fell in love,” Jaemin admits. To be fair, he probably figured it out when he saw Jeno shirtless, but it’s too early for this confession right now.

“Me neither,” Jeno bops Jaemin’s nose gently with his index finger. “But I know I do.”

“It’s funny, isn’t it? How we started off hating each other’s guts–”

“But then eventually finding ourselves in each other’s arms?” Jeno continues his sentence, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that,” Jaemin blushes.

“I’ve actually been quite obvious with my feelings,” a strand of hair flutters onto Jaemin’s face, and Jeno reaches out to tuck it behind his ear. “I didn’t know about yours, though, until you kissed me today.”

Jaemin smiles guiltily. He isn’t one to express his emotions freely, something that Taeyong has always complained about, and it’s a miracle that he even decided to act on them this time.

“I’m not good at expressing what I feel,” Jaemin says slowly, turning his head away. “But I...I think–no, I’m sure that I’m in love with you.”

“Alright,” Jeno smiles, his eyes holding a million emotions yet only one at the same time. “Me too.”

He crowds forward, holding the back of Jaemin’s spine lightly as they lean against the railings together. Their noses are barely a few millimetres apart, and it’s tender, the way he traces a finger along Jaemin’s face with the tip of his finger, before cupping the back of his head in a warm grip.

Jeno leans down to finally, finally brush their lips together in the gentlest of kisses. He pulls back for a moment, gazing quietly at Jaemin, before moving his head down again. And then Jaemin lets Jeno press him against the railings and kiss him again and again and again, till they are both breathless and gasping for air.

✧

Thankfully, they don’t appear on the headlines the next day for their late-night rendezvous. It’s a miracle, honestly–they kissed in the middle of Han River, held hands all the way back to Jaemin’s apartment, made a ruckus in the lift lobby, and looked far too inconspicuous to be just a simple pair of lovers.

He has to admit, the feeling of sneaking around–going on secret dates, shooting not-so-discreet looks at each other in public, sneaking a kiss or two in secluded alleys–brings him an indescribable feeling of exhilaration.

But Jaemin knows they have to be careful; the entirety of Korea would go mad if news of them dating ever got out. For now, though, Jaemin just wants to love Jeno in peace. He wants to pretend as if they are two normal college students in love, and not two actors who are constantly frazzled by all the attention on them.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jeno rubs small circles in the middle of Jaemin’s palms with his thumb, balancing his chin on the crown of Jaemin’s hair.

Just this morning, they had met coincidentally at an event. They were standing just inches apart, and if Jaemin had moved his left hand a little, he knew their fingers would brush against one another. It had taken all his willpower not to intertwine their fingers right on the spot; there were at least ten cameras pointed directly in their faces, so Jaemin had swallowed his longing and shoved his hands into his pockets.

It’s difficult, dating under the pressure of the media, and Jaemin knows it’ll be hell when they finally come out to the public. Just that thought itself scares him; Jaemin can’t help but shudder as he curls against Jeno.

“I can hear your thoughts from a million miles away. Care to share?” Jeno teases in a sing-song voice, tilting Jaemin’s head up.

“Not thinking about anything,” Jaemin leans back against the cushions.

Jeno narrows his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything as he pulls Jaemin closer. It’s always these tiny gestures that Jaemin appreciates, and he basks in the warmth of Jeno’s hug. For the moment, the worries he has about the industry and the media sink into the back of his mind.

“Jaemin,” Jeno whispers, voice soft as he brushes through Jaemin’s hair gently. His fingers scratch at his scalp, and Jaemin hums happily at that feeling.

“Mm?”

“Jaemin,” Jeno repeats again. Jaemin can hear the smile in his voice, which causes him to grin as well. The way Jeno says his name, Jaemin decides, is his new favorite sound on earth.

“What?” Jaemin opens his eyes groggily, curling in Jeno’s embrace as struggles to blink his sleepiness away. “What is it?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” an apologetic note enters Jeno’s voice as he wraps the duvet around Jaemin tighter. Their original plan was to enjoy a movie together, but Jeno had been so warm that Jaemin couldn’t help but succumb to the lull of sleep.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Jeno looks nervous as he chews on his lip. “It’s kinda important.”

Jaemin sits up at this, any remaining lethargy flying out of his system. It’s not everyday that Jeno looks this serious while talking to him, so this definitely has to be something significant.

“What do you think about…” Jeno takes a deep breath, looking incredibly shy when he says this. “Acting in another film with me?”

“Another film?” Jaemin’s heart thumps in excitement.

“Yeah,” Jeno shifts a little, and a pink hue dusts his cheeks when he smiles. “Wouldn’t that be nice? Us acting together again?”

“It would be nice,” Jaemin agrees. Just thinking about it makes him ecstatic already; acting together with Jeno in the same film means that they would be able to see each other quite often, and if there’s one thing that Jaemin likes in this world, it is seeing Jeno on a daily basis.

“What would we act as, though? We’ve acted as brothers before, so friends? Love rivals?”

“Lovers,” Jeno says in a rushed whisper, and he turns away, face flaming as Jaemin looks up at him in surprise. “I was thinking...we can try acting as lovers.”

Lovers. Jaemin can almost envision how that would go; he’ll be able to project himself onto his character easily, and he’ll definitely not be able to get his hands off Jeno during the filming period. It sounds amazing already.

“Are there any upcoming films that might cast two...male actors?” Jaemin voices out his thoughts. The entertainment industry is still rather conservative, up till now, and there are hardly ever any films that veer off the usual trajectory.

Acting in a movie like this would be a huge breakthrough; it isn’t equivalent to coming out, but Jaemin knows there will definitely be a few more sets of attentive eyes on them.

“There is one,” Jeno’s eyes light up immediately. “A new director. He invited me to work on the film, but honestly the only person I would want to act alongside for a film like this is you.”

And this, Jaemin thinks, is why he loves Jeno so much. He leans up to press a chaste kiss at the edge of Jeno’s lips, laughing when Jeno turns his head to capture a full kiss instead.

“Alright then,” Jaemin curls back against Jeno, resting his head against his chest, listening to the steady thumps of his heart. “Count me in.”

“Okay, I’m happy,” Jeno leans down to drop a small kiss on the crown of Jaemin’s hair, tugging him closer. “I also think I’m in love with you, did you know that?”

“You only said that about a few hundred times,” Jaemin rolls his eyes, but his heart swells with an enormous amount of warmth, sending a tingle down his spine.

I love you too, he thinks. He doesn’t need to say it out loud, because he knows Jeno gets it anyway.

Jaemin scans the script in front of him, excitement unfurling in him like a small flower in bloom. Indeed, Jeno had been right when he said that the movie plot wouldn’t disappoint. The movie centres around two childhood friends living near the countryside, and follows them as they come of age and realise their true feelings for each other.

“The movie is called All eyes on us,” Jeno points at the title on the top of the page, chuckling as Jaemin hums, distracted.

The script is beautifully written, and Jaemin can’t help but marvel as he flips through page after page. This is everything he has ever wanted to act as, and a thrill of delight shoots through him.

“This is amazing.”

“Yeah?” Jeno takes a sip from his coffee, eyes crinkling at Jaemin’s words. “The director was so thrilled to find out that you would consider acting in his movie.”

Jeno offers a shy smile. “I’m glad you agreed too.”

Warmth engulfs Jaemin’s heart immediately. Jeno, however suave he might appear on screen, is honestly an incredibly shy and softhearted person in real life, and that never fails make Jaemin feel all warm and bubbly.

They are in public, at a small booth at the side of a cafe, so Jaemin can’t lean forward to kiss his cheek. Instead, he reaches under the table to grab Jeno’s hand. Jeno yelps in surprise, cheeks colouring pink instantly, but he still intertwines their fingers naturally.

“Can’t wait to work on this film with you,” Jaemin winks, discreetly of course, and the laugh that Jeno lets out makes his heart throb with joy.

“You know what this means, right?” Taeyong inspects the script, brows furrowing in thought. He looks stern, and Jaemin understands why–it’s always an enormous risk for actors to act in films that aren’t exactly mainstream, and this film is a big leap itself.

“Yes,” Jaemin nods, chewing on his lips as he stares at Taeyong worriedly. “I understand what I’ll be getting into.”

There’s a period of silence as Taeyong gazes at him expressionlessly, not uttering a single word. Jaemin’s heart plummets immediately. Taeyong isn’t going to allow him to take up the film, and he’ll have no choice but to disappoint Jeno.

But then a small smile makes its way up his lips, and Taeyong beams. “Then go for it, Jaem. I read the script just now, it’s written brilliantly, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” relief pours into his heart, flooding its way through his body. “It is written brilliantly.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Taeyong sniffs. “Look at you, trying out new things!”

“I was worried you wouldn’t allow me to act in it,” Jaemin confesses, drumming his fingers on Taeyong’s mahogany wood desk. “It’s just such a...risky one to take on, you know?”

“Oh, Jaem,” Taeyong's eyes are affectionate when he pats Jaemin on the head. “I’m here to support whatever you do.”

✧

Filming with Jeno as lovers is indeed a brand new experience.

Jaemin has never seen Jeno act in any romantic films, but the Jeno on set is exactly the same as the Jeno he sees at home, clad in soft hoodies, arms open for Jaemin to crawl into any time he wishes.

Sometimes, in the middle of filming, Jaemin has to pause to remind himself that they are in fact on set and not at home. It’s hard to resist the temptation to just lie in Jeno’s arms and forget that there are ten cameras rolling in the background, trying to capture the details of his facial expressions.

Thankfully, it’s natural for him to mould his expressions however he wishes–in fact, it is a little too easy to pretend he loves Jeno, honestly. The director definitely knows something is going on, but fortunately he doesn’t seem to mind. After all, the ambience they create in each scene matches what he hopes to show the audience ultimately.

“Don’t forget your lines later,” Jeno teases from the makeup chair beside him, opening his eyes to shoot him a lazy grin. “That would be a disaster.”

“Yeah? Remember your own lines first, idiot,” Jaemin shoots back, but he reaches out to curl his pinky around Jeno’s.

It reminds him of when they had first started out with A Little Happiness, and just thinking about the times they had spent bickering with each other makes him chuckle.

If he could, Jaemin thinks dazedly, he would want to act alongside Jeno forever.

All eyes on us is a relatively short film, so before he knows it, they have already wrapped all the scenes up. Then the entire crew gets swept into a frantic post-production stage, and everything comes to an end temporarily.

It takes almost one year for the movie to finally be released, and in the process many things happen. Little Happiness hits the cinemas and almost causes the box office to explode, Jeno gets a few more awards at an awards ceremony, and Jaemin lands himself two more film projects.

But as life goes on, there are some things that don’t ever change–Jaemin is still in love with Jeno. Irrevocably and ardently.

He feels it intensely now, as he falls into step beside Jeno on the red carpet, blinding lights flashing at them from the cameras on the side.

They are going to make the headlines this time, Jaemin is sure of it. There’s nothing more powerful than the two of them walking down the red carpet at their movie premier, dressed smartly in matching suits, fingers brushing longingly against one another.

“Wave at the crowd,” Jaemin puts on a bright smile, laughing as Jeno follows suit. He can see the journalists noting things down furiously, and he knows there will be speculations flying all over the internet tonight.

Let them wonder, Jaemin thinks, let them wonder if we are in love.

“Everyone is staring,” Jeno whispers as he nudges Jaemin with his elbow discreetly.

“I know,” Jaemin hums, “Let them stare.”

Jeno laughs at this, tipping his head back as a chuckle escapes his throat. Jaemin thinks he looks absolutely beautiful like this, with his twinkling eyes and slicked dark hair. He looks like everything that Jaemin has ever wanted, and everything else that he'll need for the rest of his life.

“All eyes on us, huh?” Jeno pauses to wave at the cameras, the edge of his lips quirking up playfully.

“All eyes on us,” Jaemin agrees, gazing proudly at the bold words emblazoned on the movie poster behind them.

And all eyes on them indeed.