Chapter Text
Neil was having a bad day
It started when he woke up in the morning with a migraine it didn’t take him long to understand why he had It staying up until 4am when you have to get up at 7 will do that too you but to be fair he couldn’t fall asleep after his nightmare
He shook that thought out and sat up Kevin was still asleep next to him and he smiled softly
Ever since Kevin had joined his and Andrew’s “nothing” he would always wake up next to someone hell some of Andrews grate nights he was lucky enough to wake up next to both of them
Unfortunately the peace didn’t last as Kevin’s alarm went off the noise hurt his head and he winced
Kevin turned off his alarm and looked up at Neil
“Yes or no?” Neil asked he new that with Kevin he didn’t have to ask but he always felt better when he did and Kevin respected that and would always ask before doing anything too
“Yes” he said his morning voice deep and raspy
Neil leaned in and kissed him softly
Andrews alarm went off next (why they all didn’t get up at the same time Neil will never understand) and Neil winced again this time however Kevin notice
“You ok?” He asked
“Yeah just a bit of a morning headache is all I’ll be fine after some coffee”
Kevin nodded and they Hurd the bed creak about them and saw Andrew getting to the floor Neil got off the bed to get the first Andrew kiss
It started a while ago when Kevin kissed Andrew first in the morning and said that he won for that day and thus the competition began
After reserving the yes he needed he kissed Andrew softly before pulling away and smiling
Still something felt off and he couldn’t pinpoint what he decided it was probably just lack of sleep
The three of them left the room and the living room lights where almost enough to take Neil out but he kept going
Exy was hell to say the least his movements felt slow and sluggish and he felt like he couldn’t move his body fast enough Kevin’s yelling only made that worse he tried to shake it or but the longer the day went on the less real Neil felt
His classes where a blur he didn’t really know what happened in the period of time some feeling began to come back to him when afternoon practices started but he still felt foggy his movements were still slow and he could barely hear Kevin’s voice by the end of practice the feeling of not being real began to scare him
His whole body felt shaky and weak Andrew was talking to him but Neil couldn’t tell what he was saying he sat down on the bench of the locker his whole body felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t focus
Soon after that his mind went completely numb
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“Is he ok?” Kevin asked Andrew
All day Neil has been out of it and now Andrew and Kevin where standing over him his face scary blank as blank as Andrews face on his bad days
“It looks to me like he’s dissociating…” Andrew knew all to well about dissociating
“Can we help?” Kevin asked he looked really nervous and Andrew knew he wanted nothing more then to make his boyfriend stop hurting
“All we can do is wait for it to pass”
Kevin nodded but he still looked like a kicked puppy
Andrew Sighed and pulled Kevin in for a kiss after getting a yes he kissed Kevin hard then pulled there lips apart pressing there foreheads together
“He’ll be ok Kev” his tone was softer then before but still blank
Kevin nodded
“Ok”
“Are we still going to Columbia?”
Every weekend for about 7 months the 3 of them have been going down to Columbia for them time
Andrew nodded
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Neil looked around what? Why was he in a car he saw Drew driving and Kevin was up front and he was in the back seat
Suddenly everything was put back into sharp focus and it was all to much he could feel the clothes on his body could feel the car under him he could hear the music playing and it was all to much
His breath started coming out in short bursts but he refused to make a sound he was fine everything was fine
The smell of cigarette smoke filled his nose but instead of reminding him of Andrew he was back on the beach in California his mother’s burning hot bones in his arms his hands raw from digging in the sand it hurt but he buried her he needed to leave before his father or his men found him
He had to run run run runrunrunrunrunrunrun
“Neil…..Ne……ei…Abram!”
Neil gasped his body was trembling and he looked around they were at the Columbia house and he was in Andrews room… his room
He felt Andrews hand on the back of his neck and it grounded him he closed his eyes and tried to breathe but as soon as his eyes shut he was back there
Before he could completely spiral out of control again Andrew was talking
“Look at me Abram”
So he did Andrews face was blank when he looked at him but his eyes where intense
He could see Kevin out of the corner of his eye he looked worried but Neil let his eyes drift back to Andrews
“Your safe Neil you're at the house in Columbia your name is Neil josten and your 22 years old your safe”
He was safe he was ok he didn’t need to run anymore
Neil nodded his head that he understood and Andrew put Neil’s hand to his chest Andrew took deep slow breaths and Neil copied him until he could breathe normally again
“I’m sorry” Neil said, embarrassed, what was wrong with him! He should be over his mother’s death by now! It’s been almost 3 years! It didn’t matter that it was the anniversary of her death he should be fine
“Don’t” Kevin said “don’t apologize for that it’s not your fault for one and second you didn’t do anything wrong baby” Kevin said moving closer and wrapped his arms around Neil and Neil leaned into him
Neil would never say it out loud but he loves the little pet names his “not” boyfriends give him although there used rarely they always made him feel special
“It’s the anniversary of my mother dying…I thought I was over it but…I…I just I can still feel her blood on me I can still remember how her bones burned the skin off my hands I- I can still remember being alone”
Neil said eventually
“Yes or no?” Andrew asked
“Yes”
Andrew began kissing down his neck to his chest and he kissed every scar Neil could feel Kevin’s soft lips kissing his neck and back and they kissed him until he was a puddle small gasps making there way out of him
They were reminding him that he wasn’t alone that he was here and real and safe and that they where his and he was there’s
“Your not alone anymore love” Andrew whispered against Neil's neck and he shuttered
“Your right here with us baby” Kevin said before kissing him
Neil's body was on fire as his boyfriends kissed him all of him never shying away from him and Neil felt so loved that his heart nearly burst from it
They spent the rest of the night wrapping up in each other’s arms
Even if today sucked he always had a tomorrow and he knew that they would be there each step of the way