Work Text:
~
Roll me up
Smoke me like
I'm the last backwood you'll have in your life
~
Sometimes, Remus looked at Sirius like he was his world, like he would want to look at Sirius for his last dying breaths. The intensity of the gaze would shoot through Sirius' chest, and he would look right back, knowing he was looking at Remus the same way. He called it The Look in his head. It was his favorite.
"Sirius..." He would murmur, thumbing his cheekbone as if he was something delicate, something to be taken care of. They would lay on the couch with a movie playing, even though the credits had been rolling for a while already, just looking at each other. Sirius always wondered how he had gotten so lucky to be there with Remus, even if it was just for a little bit.
"Remus." He would whisper back, leaning up to press and slow kiss to Remus' lips. He would feel a smile against his mouth, fingers holding his jaw gently as another hand held his waist, and he knew he wanted to be there forever. He wanted to say that out loud too. Instead, he stayed quiet, like always.
The two had been dancing around each other for years, waiting for some sort of indication, some sort of sign. At least, Sirius was waiting for that. Sometimes, he didn't seem to know what was going through Remus' head, even though he knew him like the back of his own hand. Two years ago though, Sirius had woken up feeling fed up with it their delicate and hesitant dynamic of feelings. The love he had for the curly haired boy was encompassing his soul and threatening to pour out, and he felt as though it would kill him soon.
He had seen the lingering looks Remus gave him, and the blush on his cheeks when Sirius' arm brushed against his. He could only hope to god he could that he was right about Remus returning his feelings, and he set off to make a confession. It had proven to be a good decision too, because his feelings seemed to be reciprocated. At least, physically. The night Sirius confessed, little words had been used, as their mouths were otherwise... occupied, but they had a fun night that day for sure. Sirius could admit that he had been the happiest ever two years ago on that night, but since then, he knew this wasn't what he had dreamed of.
The next day after Sirius had confessed, Remus had let Sirius know he didn't want anything, well.... serious, and that crushed his spirits well and good. Sirius reckoned he could take whatever Remus was willing to give him though, because he had dreamed half his life to be with the boy, and he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity when it finally struck him in the face. If Remus wanted no strings attached, he would give it to him, no matter how much it would inevitably hurt him. So really, this was his own fault.
Sometimes though, Sirius felt the brush of Remus tracing his fingers along his back in the middle of the night, when the latter thought he was sound asleep. He would feel soft kisses pressed to his skin, and he would be filled with a warmth he only ever felt with Remus, and it would travel down from his heart to wherever the next kiss was pressed. Remus would always press on the base of his neck before falling back asleep. It was so gentle, and the movements were filled with such care, that Sirius couldn't help but wonder if Remus felt more.
Sometimes.
But The Look Remus gave him only happened sometimes, because then, as fast as it came, it was gone, and Sirius would want to curl in on himself, and just wonder why. He would wonder what he had done in the split second to make Remus change his mind, to make Remus decide Sirius wasn't worth that look of love. Sirius would give anything to know, and he would give anything to fix it, but he knew he was pathetic. He was pathetic for pining for the same boy for so long, and when he finally got him, he still didn't have him. So he didn't say anything.
He just wondered sometimes.
~
Take your time
Fuck me right
~
In the afterglow, he saw Remus at his most vulnerable. This was when he got The Look for the longest, that look filled with such adoration and longing that Sirius thought he would break. His face would split into a small smile, that eventually grew when Remus' face mirrored his.
"So pretty." Remus would whisper, as the two layed there, just looking at each other, hands caressing each other's faces.
Then Remus would pull him in by the waist and press kisses everywhere, a flurry of them on his face, on his neck, on his hair, and Sirius would just laugh. They would both laugh for hours together, and eventually decide on a movie to watch. They would probably discuss what idiotic thing Sirius and James had done that week when Remus hadn't been babysitting them, or the current book Remus was reading. All conversation filled with delicate touches and kisses. These were moments Sirius didn't have to wonder.
Then, Remus would leave. Saying, "I have a class in the morning, Pads. You don't have to give me a ride, Fabian is going to pick me up." And Sirius would only nod, maybe even offer a small smile, being careful to mask any other emotion shining through. The taller boy would gather his clothes, and he would always hesitate at the bedroom door, opening his mouth to say something, but deciding against it last minute. Then he would be gone.
Sirius would think back to the hours before, when Remus had touched him so carefully, and just right, focused on making only him feel good. He wondered if Remus did that with the others he slept with, or if Sirius was special. Probably not, since it was so easy to leave after. Every time.
~
I know you've seen
A lot of things
That's why we get along so well, my darling
~
Remus and Sirius had no problem connecting. They were like magnets, and at the end of the day they would always be back together, no matter who Remus was with the hour before, as much as Sirius would try not to think about it.
Sirius had been abused, neglected, experienced loss, and was without a family, and Remus was there for all of it. The night Sirius had ran away to the Potters', James and his parents had taken him in, and he was so grateful. He felt like the luckiest person to have James a best friend, and to have the opportunity to stay somewhere, with people who were willing to welcome him into their family. They had fixed him up and let him go up to his room to rest and be alone for a bit.
Although they thought that would help, all he wanted was to be close to someone. He had been neglected by his family and deprived of any sort of touch or physical closeness, and he what he craved the most that night as he walked into his new room, was a hug.
He crawled into his new bed and curled into the sheets, allowing the tears to finally fall from his eyes in racking sobs. That's when he felt those arms wrap around him, holding him close and protectively, and Sirius cried more.
"Moony." He sobbed, clinging to the taller boy like he was his life line.
"Shh, I've got you. I'll always have you, Pads. I'm here. You're safe with me here."
He heard Remus' voice, whispering sweet nothings into his hair, slowly rubbing soothing circles into his back, telling him how proud he was. Sirius had never felt so safe.
"Prongs called me. He let me come upstairs. I hope it was okay that I came." Remus whispered after Sirius had settled down. The shorter boy had wanted to laugh at the ridiculous notion that it wouldn't have been okay that Remus had come to see Sirius. It was the most okay he had felt! But, Sirius only nodded and sent a wobbly smile Remus' way, that made Remus' cheeks heat as he smiled back.That night they laid there, and they told each other stories, even though Sirius' voice was muffled from resting his in the crook of Remus' neck, and even after the horrors of the previous hours, they had ended the night laughing. They always ended up laughing when they were together.
Months later, Remus experienced loss as well.
The two were in Sirius' bedroom while James was off wooing Lily, when Remus had gotten a phone call. His face turned pale, and his hands shook, causing the phone to clatter to the floor. Sirius' head had shot up and he was it his side in an instant, hesitating to touch him, in case Remus got startled by it.
"Re, I'm here. Breathe with me, yeah?" Sirius tried. Remus followed. He took ragged breaths, and it didn’t seem to be working. He reached out to him, and Sirius was quick to oblige.
"Sirius. Sirius, my mom she- she can't be gone!" Remus choked into his shoulder, and Sirius held him tight. He could feel him struggling to take breaths.
"Please, Remus. Come on, breathe with me, Moony." Sirius begged, and the nickname seemed to do it, as he felt the other boy finally take a proper breath. He leaned back and grasped Remus' face, which was tear streaked and red. Stroking his thumb back and forth along his cheeks, he brought his face down so they were forehead to forehead, breathing together. Saying the same thing Remus had said to him months before, "I've got you, Moony."
That was years before, and they had gone through everything together. Now, years later, they were still them. They had both seen a lot, and dealt with even more. They always knew how to pick each other back up, always knew how to be there for one another. It was something they were yet to find in another person, and they weren't even looking.
~
And you know I hate to give you such a hard time
But you know I hate when people look at what's mine
What's mine
~
Two years into their no-strings-attached relationship, at 22 years old, and things seemed to be going smoothly. At least on Remus' end, from what Sirius observed. Their friendship had not been affected, and it even seemed to have strengthened, though Sirius didn't even know how that had been possible.
From Sirius' end though, he didn't know if he could do it anymore. He didn't know why he wasn't enough for Remus, or if he ever would be, and he didn't know if he had the energy to try to change himself to be enough for the taller boy. It was going to end up killing him.
Now, they were at the club with all their friends, and a couple hours in and most everyone had traveled to the dance floor. Sirius had lied, explaining his feet hurt, which convinced James to finally go and that he would be fine alone at the table.
He looked over to the dance floor, and he spotted James and Lily dancing, their eyes only on each other, laughs etched into their features, engagement rings glinting on their ring fingers. Sirius smiled to himself, and he moved his eyes to find Dorcas and Marlene, looking equally as happy as the pair he had spotted before, even though they looked a lot less PG, Sirius smiled fondly nonetheless. He looked back down to his drink, smile lingering as he thought about his friends. He thought about James and Lily's wedding that would be taking place in a couple months, and he thought about how happy Marlene had been when she and Dorcas finally sorted everything out.
He also thought about Remus, but he didn't know whether he fell into the friend category. He looked back up to find the man that occupied most of his thoughts, and there he was. He was flirting with the bartender, who liked like he was on his break. Remus had his flirty smile gracing his face as the bartender laughed too loud at one of his jokes, with his hand resting on Remus' hip, creeping down.
Sirius looked back down quickly, taking a deep breath before draining his glass. Nope. He was right. He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't sit at tables alone in clubs feeling pathetic, looking pathetic, while his friends were happy and in love, and when the man he loved flirted with other people in front of him. He wasn't even in the position to feel mad. He brought this on himself.
He looked back up to locate James in the crowd, and upon spotting him, he stood up from the table. Stumbling only a little, he made his way to his best friend.
"Hey Prongs." Voice slurring slightly as he spoke loudly over the music. "I'm going to head home. Have fun, tell everyone I said bye. Love you." He had moved to leave when James caught his arm.
"Hey, wait. You okay, Pads?" His eyes showing a hint of concern.
James didn't know about his and Remus' relationship... if you could call it that. Well, Sirius had never told him, but he reckoned that he knew anyway. It had been going on for two years, for fuck's sake, and he knew that James could tell why Sirius was really going home early.
"Yeah." Sirius affirmed, nodding his head only a little more than was necessary, feeling the light alcohol buzzing through his veins. "Going home. Sleep."
James smiled and pulled Sirius into a hug. "Come to mine if you're bored later tonight. Or if you miss me, ‘kay? Text me." He said into his ear before releasing him.
Sirius nodded, feeling grateful for his best friend once again, before leaving without so much as a place to anyone else. He missed the way Remus watched him walk out, with a sad look in his eyes, all thoughts of the bartender forgotten.
~
Tell me that you meant it when you said
There was no one else you were thinking of back then
~
Weeks later, and Sirius still hadn't called it off. He couldn't bring himself to lose what he had with Remus. He knew it was all he was ever going to get. Was he ready for it to be gone? Was it worth it to put himself through hell for it, though?
Well, here they were, in bed. Again. In the afterglow.
"Pads." Remus' voice broke through the comfortable silence.
Sirius turned on his back, moving his head that was resting on Remus' chest, to face up, meeting his eyes. "Moony." He answered, playing with his hands.
"Will you come with me to visit my mom?"
And even though it was a very sad thing, the love he had for Remus bloomed in his chest again and again. Just like it always did. Remus hasn't visited his mom's grave since that night, years ago in Sirius' room back at the Potters', and to think that he wanted Sirius to go with him, was just... a lot. He was honored to be the one that he had asked, the one to make Remus feel happy. He always wanted to make Remus feel that way, always wanted to protect Remus from his inner demons.
"You're sure you want me to go?" He checked, wanting Remus to be positive. His first visit to his mom after years should be as perfect as he deserved.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, rolling his eyes and smiling lightly as he brought a hand up to move Sirius' hair from his face.
Sirius smiled back, but couldn't help the lingering thought that Remus could want someone else there with him instead. Would he be happier that way?
"I dunno. Thought you might've wanted someone else to go with you instead." He said quietly, averting his gaze from Remus' watchful one.
He didn't answer for a moment, but then he felt soft fingers at his jaw, moving his face back to face Remus'. "Who else could I possibly want there, Pads? You're the one that makes me feel safe and happy. How could I- I'm not thinking of anyone else." And his answer was everything Sirius had ever wanted to hear, and he was looking at Sirius with The Look, and he knew he always wanted to make Remus feel safe and happy. So he nodded, he was never going to say no anyway.
~
And I know you say you didn't mean to make me cry
But I don't believe that sometimes
~
Smiling down at the text Remus sent, Sirius stood up in his room to begin rummaging through his closet. The visit to Remus' mother's grave had gone as well as he hoped, and the two had spent the majority of the time sitting next to her tombstone, cuddled up togethervand filling her in on the past few years of their lives. It felt like they were a family, which Remus had said to Sirius himself, and after blushing profusely, Sirius agreed. He longed to make Remus feel like that more often. He wouldn't mind feeling it himself.
After throwing on some clothes, he began his journey to Remus' room, stopping on the way to get them their favorite chocolate muffins from the coffee shop next to their building. Well it wasn't necessarily on the way, but he didn't mind making a little detour.
After achieving their beloved muffins, he was able to catch an elevator quickly before making his way down the hall to Remus. As he got closer, he saw Fabian walk out of Remus’ room. The other man walked past him, already looking annoyed, but when their eyes met, his annoyance increased as he huffed and walked to the elevator. Sirius didn't have time to figure out what that had meant, as he had stopped in his tracks in the middle of the hall. Had Remus really had a quickie right when he had invited Sirius to come over? He knew Remus was allowed to do what he wanted in their... arrangement, but that didn't mean that it didn't feel like a punch straight to the gut. The strongest punch Sirius had felt yet.
He was rooted to the spot, eyes suddenly feeling moist, and he moved in a haste to wipe it away. He suddenly had no desire to go hang out with Remus, and what he really wanted to do was go straight back to his room, and forget everything. He really wanted to return the muffins too, but he wasn't sure if they would let him do that. He was already a foot away from Remus' door, but he couldn't bring himself to go knock, so he turned back around and started to go right back to where he came from. That's when Remus opened the door.
"Pads? I was wondering if you got here okay, it doesn't usually take you this long to get here." He said to Sirius' turned back. "I- are you leaving?"
And Sirius couldn't bring himself to ignore Remus either, so he turned around again. "Uh- yeah." He managed. "I realized I had.... to go." He said dumbly.
Remus' eyes narrowed to concern. "Somethings wrong. Come inside, Pads. I know you don't have to go anywhere. Talk to me." He reached his hand out to beckon Sirius inside, and well. Sirius was a weak man.
He thrust the muffins into the other boy's hands instead of reaching out to it, even though that's clearly what the intent was supposed to be. He didn't make eye contact either. He stepped inside, but didn't take his shoes off. He didn't move past the entrance.
Remus shut the door behind him and looked at Sirius for a moment. He reached out again before seemingly changing his mind, probably sensing something to be genuinely wrong. "Did something happen?"
And it all came crashing down on Sirius. He didn't want to do it anymore. It wasn't worth it. Getting only a quarter of Remus, while Sirius gave himself away to him, was going to kill him. It was killing him. He didn't know if he ever even had a quarter of the boy he loved so damn much. He had let Remus set the rules, the boundaries, everything was on his terms while Sirius follows him around like a lovesick puppy. He made himself look pathetic for two years. He gave everything he could to Remus, gave him all his love, and all he had wanted was some love in return. Just a little.
He shook his head. Tears welled up in his eyes again, and he turned around to wipe them, not wanting Remus to see, which was ridiculous since he had seen Sirius cry on several times.
Remus' eyes widened. "Pads, you're-. What happened?" He moved forward to pull Sirius into a hug, but that was it for him.
Sirius found the courage to step back. "No." He forced out. "Don't touch me. Please you- not anymore."
He immediately stepped back, eyes filled with something that Sirius couldn't identify. "W-what. Please talk to me." Remus pleaded with him.
He took a deep breath, pressing the heals of his hands against his eyes before looking back up. "I just- I can't do this anymore. Okay? It's killing me, Remus. I can't anymore."
And Remus looked shocked. His eyes were filled with what could only be described as pain as he looked at Sirius. "Pads, I- you can’t do what?" It seemed like he was trying to refrain from touching Sirius. He didn’t know if he was thankful for that or not.
"You know what. I can't keep doing whatever the fuck it is that we’ve been doing. It's been killing me for two years. And I know that I agreed to it, and I know I brought this onto myself, but this hurts so fucking much. Sometimes I just wonder- a lot of the time- I just don't know what's wrong with me." He was letting everything out now, everything he didn't give himself the time to think about before, as he stood there next to the shoe rack, with Remus looking at him with the saddest eyes he had ever seen. He knew his looked sad too.
"You- nothing is wrong with you." Remus said firmly. "Pads, you're everything I-"
"Don't give me that, Remus. I know it's not true. It can't be." Sirius choked out. "I just don't know what it is and why I- why can't I be good enough for you? I gave myself away to you, Remus. I gave you all of me, and more. I never had you though, did I? While all I do is wish I could be with you, all the time, you're- you're off not being pathetic." Tears were falling down Sirius' face freely now, but he couldn't stop talking. All the pain of his unrequited love came pouring out of him, and Remus stood there in shock. "You're off, not pining over me- someone that obviously isn't worth it. I don't know what I could do to be good enough for you, but I don't know if I have the energy to try to do it anymore either, Moony. I'm sorry." He couldn't believe he has said it, but he had, and there was no going back now.
He looked back up to Remus, and was shocked to see tears cascading down his cheeks as well. A fresh wave of tears fell down Sirius' face at that.
"Pads I- you've got it so wrong I-" Remus cried. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I- please." He looked so defeated and heartbroken, and Sirius almost gave in again. Seeing Remus like that was something he absolutely hated, but he couldn't do it anymore.
"Moony, please. I can't. I've loved you since we were sixteen, and now its just killing me. " He said finally, and Remus' face crumpled. "I'm think I'm going to go home I- I'll try to talk to you soon, okay?" And he didn't wait for an answer before he walked right back out the door.
Sirius didn't hear the sob that ripped through Remus' throat after he left, as the taller boy fell against the door, shoving his hands in his face, hating himself for what he'd done to the boy that he loved right back. It was since they were fifteen for him.
~
Sometimes
Sometimes I wonder
It doesn't matter though
~
It had been a month already, and even though the two had started texting periodically, just to check in, Sirius hadn’t allowed them to fully talk about anything yet.
But, he felt ready now.
Sirius had gone to James’ after leaving Remus’ that day, looking like he’d gotten run over. After taking one look at him, Jmaes had pulled him into a fierce hug, letting him breakdown. He had told James’ everything, and even though he had figured it out before,he hadn’t known the details, and he was furious upon finding them out.
“I’m going to fucking kill him I- why did he think playing with your feelings like that way okay?” He exclaimed.
“No, Prongs we are not killing anyone, and he didn’t really play with my feelings. He did tell me he wanted it to be a no strings attached thing so it was my fault.” He interrupted James’ plot of murder.
”No, Sirius you can’t think like that. It’s just cruel! Weird way for a guy to act when he loves you too.” He muttered.
Sirius froze. “What?”
James looked up from his continued murder planning, “Huh?”
“What did you just say? The last thing?”
“I don’t remember. Oh, was it when the ‘weird way for a guy to act when he loves you too?’”
“Yes I- Don’t give me hope like that, I just stopped crying.” Sirius sighed.
“What do you mea- oh, you don’t know?” James paused.
”I don’t know what?” Sirius demanded.
”Well shit. I think you should talk to him about that.” James responded nervously
And now, a month later, Sirius was attempting to do his homework, but he couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything.
After pretending to be working for half an hour, he heard a knock at his door. Finally, an excuse to get up.
Dragging his pink slippers on and tying his hair in a bun, securing it with the pencil he was using, before padding over to open the door. And there he was. He froze.
“Remus.” He breathed. “Hi.”
Remus stood there, looking at Sirius with The Look again, and Sirius could already feel his insides melting.
He waited for Remus to say something back. He didn’t.
“Remus?”
“Oh yeah- hi. Fuck, hi, Sirius.” He shook his head out of the daze he seemed to be in before gazing back down at Sirius.
The dark circles under his eyes had seemed to grow darker since the last time Sirius saw him, and his hair looked like it needed a brush through. But it was Remus, and Sirius thought he looked beautiful.
“Uh... what are you- Want to come in?” He said stammered.
”Yeah- yes. Yes I do.” Remus nodded quickly, and Sirius stepped aside to make room.
And now, they had settled on the foot Sirius’ bed, with silence hanging over their heads.
Then Remus broke it. “Sirius I- I’ve been wanting to talk to you for so long. I’m just- fuck- I hate myself for what did. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Sirius didn’t say anything. He just nodded, listening to Remus. He hadn’t allowed him to say anything, and he figured he should be fair and give him the chance now.
He continued. “I can’t believe that I- I made you feel that way. Made you feel like you aren’t enough, or like theres something wrong with you. But you got it all wrong, I-. Sirius you’re everything. You’re my everything. I have never met anyone that is even almost as good as you, it scares me.” He admitted, looking at Sirius with tears briming his wide eyes.
Sirius’ heart stuttered. He wouldn’t give in yet though. “Really? It never seemed like it.”
“Fuck, I know and I- Sirius. I’ve loved you since we were fifteen. You’re my whole world, Pads.” Remus sniffed.
And Sirius choked. “What? Then why-?”
”I know, I know and it’s ‘cuz I just- I knew I was going to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me if we got into an actual relationship, and I'd lose you for good, and I did that anyway. Fuck, I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.”
Sirius opened his mouth to refute the ridiculous idea of that, but Remus kept going.
“I thought I was going to ruin it by being a horrible boyfriend, or by breaking your heart, and fuck, I did that too, didn’t I? I don’t expect you to forgive me at all because I just- I didn’t know you loved me, Pads. And that night when we first slept together, I thought you wanted it to be a one off thing, and I didn’t. And I couldn’t bear to hear you say that in the morning, so I said it first. I was so sure you didn’t have real feelings for me and I was okay with taking whatever you woukd give me at the time.”
Sorius couldnt help but laugh. It was a tear filled laugh, but there was a smile on his face for the first time in a month. “That’s how I felt, you idiot.” And Remus offered him a wobbly smile, feeling hopeful at Sirius’ small sign of anything that wasn’t anger.
“It started to not be okay anymore because you were always so close, but not at the same time, and I just- I tried flirting with other people to try to distract myself from my feelings for you. I couldn’t bring myself sleep with anyone else though. It’s always been you.” Remus had made his way closer to Sirius, and their knees were touching. A jolt of electricity shot down Sirius’ spine. He itched to feel Remus again.
“But, Fabian? I thought- that day I went over, he was just leaving and I just assumed that-“
Remus groaned. “Fuck, I didn’t even think of what that might’ve looked like. He’s in my class and we were friends for a bit, but that day he came by and sort of... tried initiating something... he left all mad though because I told him no.”
Oh, so that was why Fabian had looked put out that day. That did make Sirius feel slightly better.
“You said... no?” Sirius asked, not wanting to be too hopeful yet.
“Yeah, I... I was going to tell you everything that day. That's why I asked you over and- fuck I hate Fabian. I stopped being friends with him that day after what he tried.”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “Did he hurt you?” He asked, sounding panicked. He would never forgive himself for confronting Remus that day if something horrible had happened to him.
Remus only smiled, looking at him with The Look. “He didn’t, don’t worry. I- this is what I mean. I hurt you, and you’re worrying if I’m okay. You’re so amazing, Sirius, and I really need you to know that.”
And the tears that had welled up in his eyes finally spilled over, but this time for a good reason. He laughed wetly, wiping at his face, and then he was pulled into Remus’ arms, in his lap, into his heart.
And now here they were, laughing in each other’s arms, back together again. He had thought Remus was with all these other people for the last two years, he had thought he never had him, but he was wrong. Only Sirius had ever had him, since they were fifteen. There was never anyone else, and apparently Sirius was his world.
And Sirius was overjoyed, because Remus was his world. Remus was his entire fucking world. And Sirius told him so.
He leaned back from the embrace slightly, grapsing Remus’ face, with the other boy’s hands clutchinf his waist. “You’re my everything too, Remus Lupin. My fucking world right in front of me.” He sniffled, as he reached up to pull Remus’ head down to meet forehead to forehead.
Remus closed his eyes and smiled so wide that Sirius wanted to melt. He wrapped his arms fully around Sirius’ waist, just enjoying being surrounded by the boy he loved. Rubbing soothing circles with the flat palm of his hand along Sirius’ back, he opened his eyes to look at Sirius, who was looking right back with the softest, most loving gaze he’d ever seen. He didn’t know how he didn’t see it before.
“I love you, Sirius.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Sirius took a shaky breath and he laughed. Laughed so freely, that Remus wanted to capture it in a jar and listen to it on repeat. He would have to resort to making Sirius laugh like that all the time, now that he had him.
“And I love you, Moony.” He responded, kissing him on the lips for the first time in a month, and they both immediately melted into it.
It was slow and sweet, fillied with everything they had felt for the past years, filled with the intensity of finally having each other. Remus tilted his head up slightly to meet Sirius, since he was elevated a bit by sitting on Remus’ lap. They wrapped their arms tighter around each other, just wanting to be as close as possible. Sirius’ hands tangled in Remus’ hair, and Remus slipped his hands under Sirius’ shirt, causing him to shiver as the kiss became more intense, more urgent, more everything that they’ve ever wanted.
Needing to breathe, Sirius pulled away first, resting his forehead back on Remus’ with both of them panting. Reaching back up to cup the back of Remus’ neck, they both laughed again.
“Fuck, I missed you so much.”
“I missed you more, love. But I’ve got you now.”
~
Oh, sometimes
I wonder
It doesn’t matter now though
~
Almost six months later, and almost nothing had changed about the dynamic of the two’s relationship, other than overly sappy moments happening more frequently between them. After noticing this, Sirius laughed in Remus’ face for being so oblivious, as it seemed that they’d been practically dating for two years already.
They fit together like puzzle pieces, and James often asked them if they had gotten married without telling him, as they were already so lovingly domestic that he was becoming suspicious.
Now, the two were sprawled out on Remus’ bed and on their stomachs, looking for flats for when they graduated college that year. They were going to move in together.
“Oh! This one seems so great, Remus! And if we get a dog there would be so much room for him to play! Oh, and what is that? A large bedroom... yes, I think so... does that mean a bigger bed? More fun? Yes, I think so.” Sirius nodded gravely, voicing his train of thought for Remus to hear.
Remus loved when Sirius did that, he loved when he rambled, as if giving a Remus a peak into his brain and how his thought process worked. He also thought it was so very endearing. He couldn’t help but smile at his boyfriend as he continued talking. All with one hand waving frantically in the air, making elaborate hand geatures, and the other softly weaving through Remus’s hair. Remus’ heart stuttered, as it often did when Sirius was around, ever after all these years.
Eventually, he paused, not hearing any chiming in from Remus. “What? Don’t tell me you don’t want a dog, Remus you promised!” Sirius pouted. Remus could only do what any man would in that moment, and he leaned forward to kiss that pout right off the gorgeous face of Sirius Black.
“That’s not it, don’t worry. We’re getting Snuffles, love.” He chuckled at Sirius’ triumphant smile. “I just wonder sometimes, how I didn’t know how in love you were with me.” Remus smirked.
Sirius gasped. “Oi! Don’t pretend you haven’t been obsessed with me since we were fifteen! Seven years, Lupin! You must be in love with me or something.” Sirius feigned disgust as he wrinkled his nose, but his smile shone through.
Remus laughed and snapped the laptop shut, pouncing on Sirius as he yelped, and cackling as Remus tickled him.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He gasped through laughs. “I love you too! Remus please!” Sirius begged, giggling uncontrollably.
Remus only leaned over Sirius, hands planted on his sides now, as he looked down into his boyfriend’s eyes, and wow, he would never stop being beautiful, would he? His dark hair was waving around his face, and his dimples were shining through because of the smile painted onto his face. He looked gorgeous, and he was Remus’. He felt so lucky everyday.
Feeling kind, he stopped his torture as leaned down and gently kissed Sirius, mouths moving together in a deliberately slow manner, and he heard Sirius sigh into his mouth before he felt arms wrap around his neck. He thought it was going to go somewhwre but then-
He found himself being flipped over, pinned by Sirius’ knee on his chest and a fist pumped into the air. “Victory! You’ve lost, Moony! Never underestimate me! I can seduce you into anything!” He laughed manically, and Remus could only laugh along before he yanked Sirius back down to his chest. He couldn’t wait to live with this man
They would always sometimes wonder about what had happened in the past, or how it could have been avoided, but they had made it together. They were so happy, and if they really thought about it, it really didn’t matter now.