Chapter Text
Love was a myriad of things, Spencer had come to learn. It was often a juxtaposition of itself.
Spencer had learned of love through a spoonful of honey that calmed her soul. It had come in the form of her mother, the woman who had shown her through care and attention that she was worth sticking around for. It came in the form of a substitute father, the man who had shown her and her brother that paternal guidance could come from someone other than the one who gave them life. It had come in the form of a doctor, the man who had shown her so many different forms of love.
But she had also tasted love from the edge of a knife. It had come in the form of an alcoholic father, the man who had sworn he would change time and time again until he decided leaving was the best option. It had come in the form of her brother and her best friend, who had decided to alienate her from one of the only people she had been able to call a close friend. It had come in the form of a doctor. Who had ripped every form of love he had taught her and burned them like they had been nothing.
Spencer had learned that love was bittersweet. It could be sweet and comforting, new and exciting. But it could also be intoxicating and life-threatening, dark and all-consuming. She had learned everything love could be and all it could take. And she had learned just how deep it could root itself into one's heart.
“How're you feeling today?” Theo asked, breaking the girl out of her thoughts. Her eyes had been trained on the blond head of hair two rows down, her heart pounding against her chest as her mind filled with thoughts of him. “Ready to get home?”
“You have no idea,” she sighed. “I'm just ready for all of this to end so I can get back to my life already.”
“I want that for you too, Spence,” the vampire smiled, threading her fingers through Spencer's. “You deserve to be happy.”
“And I want to be. It's just...”
“He's still in your head, huh?” Theo whispered. Spencer nodded, unsure if she could keep her voice low enough from prying ears. “Do you want to get back together with him? Is that where your head is at?”
“I don’t… at least, I think I don’t,” the girl confessed. “I love him—I won't lie to you. He's forever entwined with my soul, and I don't think I will ever stop caring about him. But I don't want to put myself in the same position I was in six months ago. Giving him my heart again means that I have forgiven the way he abandoned me, and I haven't. I don't know if I will.”
“And you don't have to,” her friend assured. “What Carlisle did... what I will say is that as a friend to you both, I will never let him forget what he did to you. You deserve so much better than how he left you, and I know there's someone out there who will treat your heart with the kindness it should be treated.”
“If only there was a way to know who that was before I open myself up to something new. It would make everything so much easier.”
“What fun would that be?” Theo chuckled. “But I'm sure someone will be knocking on your door faster than you think.”
“Yeah?”
“Come on,” she smirked. “You're too great to pass by.”
After a few more lines of mindless chitchat, Spencer found herself drifting off into sleep. As much as she had already been in the land of slumber, tiredness clung to her like the skin to her bones. She was sure sleeping even for a week would not be enough for the amount of exhaustion she felt.
One second, the girl was staring at the white backside of the seat in front of her and the next she had been transported to a chess board.
Unlike the sweater and jeans she had been wearing when she got on the plane, she was dressed in a grandiose black gown, a magnificent crown sitting on top of her head. Around her, the people she knew and loved took up the spaces around her. Sam took the place on the right side of her, with a smaller but similar crown on his head and his face stoic and unmoving. On her left, Paul shared the same expression as her brother, dressed in a long dark robe. Theo took the form of a knight atop a beautiful black stallion to her left, while Embry and Jared took the space of the bishop and knight to Sam's side, respectively. And taking the place of the rooks were her mother and Harry Clearwater. In a neat line in front of her, the rest of the pack stood tall, accompanied by people who had always stood in her corner.
But the most surprising person was Eden. He stood right in front of her, shielding her view from the people on the other side of the board. Unlike everyone else in the row, he was a couple of steps back, closer to her than his square. She didn't understand why he was out of the line—not that she understood anything that was happening regardless—and so close to her.
With a slight crook of her neck, Spencer was able to take in the opposite side of the board, and her breath hitched in her throat. Carlisle stood as regal as ever on the other side, dressed in a suit fit for royalty and all-white. The crown on his head mirrored hers, sparkling under a light that came from nowhere. On either side of him, his family took residence in each square. Esme was the queen, Rosalie and Edward had the positions of the bishops, Jasper and Emmett were the knights, and Bella and Alice were the rooks. Yet, there was no one on the front squares, no one as a first line of defense—not that they needed it.
Before she could grasp what was happening, Carlisle took a step forward, an impossible move in any game of chess. But she was dealing with dreams, and logic didn’t reign over that land. Once he moved, Eden took a step forward, pulling her along without her say. They repeated this until they met at the center of the board. Carlisle stood right next to Spencer, his hand reaching out for her but never quite touching her. In another impossible chess maneuver, Eden turned in his square, his eyes dead set on the vampire’s and his arm outstretched between the girl and the man. With his gaze, he burned away any desire the immortal had to reach her. It forced him to lower his hand and direct his attention to the man dressed in black.
Eden and Carlisle shared but a glance. Not a single word was shared between them—not that Spencer knew if they could even talk. Behind them all, the scene had blurred. All she could make up was the shape of people behind a thick fog. Had she not seen them before, she would have thought they were alone. The men surely made it seem like it was only them on the board.
Spencer wasn’t sure who had moved first, but suddenly, they were at each other’s throats. Carlisle had a firm grasp around Eden’s neck as the human reached for the vampire’s, too. Red anger swirled through both of their faces, speaking with everything but their mouths.
She knew who would end up victorious in a game of strength. Carlisle’s grip was supernatural; Eden had no chance. And she could see it. His skin was slowly turning shades of red and purple as his oxygen supply was cut off. There was desperation deep in his eyes, but he didn't relent—he was not going to give up. Granted, he didn't know who he was up against, but no one could doubt his resilience.
Even if it was a dream, the worry and anxiety was very real. Spencer wanted to yell, scream at them to stop. But she realized she was made of stone. Her skin didn't just look as smooth as marble, it was made of it. She could not speak because her mouth had been carved into the statue that she was. In fact, it wasn't until that moment that the girl noticed that Eden and Carlisle were made of stone as well. Eden's face was not changing color. Instead, it was cracking under the pressure of the vampire's strength, and the crimson hue came from a light inside. If Carlisle continued to squeeze the man's neck, she was sure he would shatter into a million pieces.
Spencer scratched at her face as panic set in. She wanted to save Eden and tell Carlisle to end the poor man's suffering—whatever it was that he wanted, he would not get it that way. Her chest rose and fell heavily, somehow still needing to breathe in her solid form. Nothing made sense, but the fear and terror were as real as the heart she felt beating in her chest. She needed to scream. She had to.
Suddenly, their faces snapped toward her, their eyes void of anything but black. Brown and gold irises did not look back at her; there was only an endless pit of darkness in the sockets.
“Choose, Spencer,” their voices gravely said in unison. “You must choose.”
Then, they both exploded before her, the shrieking sound of stone pieces hitting the board echoing in her ears. One second, they had been standing before her, and the next, there was nothing. Right there, in the middle of the chess board, she was alone.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it is currently 12:15 p.m. here in beautiful Port Angeles, Washington. And the day may be slightly overcast at the moment, but still a good day,” the chipper voice of the flight attendant startled Spencer awake. “If it is your first time in the state, we would like to give you a warm welcome. If you are from here, welcome home, and thank you for choosing American Airlines as your trusted method of travel.”
Spencer's panic had transferred into reality. Her breathing staggered, and her heart hammered against her chest as she woke up. She could feel sweat forming on her forehead and clamminess moistening her hands. Whatever that dream had been had startled her. She didn't understand it, and it had left her frenzied.
“You alright there, Spence?” Theo whispered as she grabbed their bags from under the seats in front of them. “You look like you've seen a ghost.”
“I don't...,” she stammered to find the words. How could she explain a dream she couldn't understand herself? “Had a nightmare, that's all.”
“Had to be quite the nightmare to leave you like that,” the vampire noted. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not right now,” Spencer sighed. “I just wanna get home.”
They walked out of the airplane without another word. It had already been over eight hours of flying and airports, and only half the day had gone by on the other side of the country. Spencer was exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. All she cared about was making it home.
As they made their way through the airport, Spencer could feel Carlisle's presence behind her. It didn't matter that Theo was grounding her to reality. All she could feel was the man's intense stare. Even if she was a few feet ahead, she knew he was looking straight at her. The attention made her feel even more self-conscious than she already was after the dream, her brain trying to find logic and meaning where there didn't seem to be.
Spencer didn't want to be perceived anymore. After they had rescued Carlisle, all concern fell onto her, and the three vampires had not stopped fusing over her since she had woken up that morning. They had made sure she had eaten a heavy breakfast at the house. Then, at their layover, they made sure to stuff her with a hefty lunch. And as they flew to Washington, they worried about what she would eat for dinner. It was as though they had forgotten that Carlisle had been threading on the edge of madness only a few hours before, and the only reason for concern was her. She just wanted them to deal with their internal problems and forget she had ever been to New York.
When they reached the parking lot, the rest of the Cullen family was waiting for them all—excitement and relief rushing through their eyes. They were delighted to see their father figure back home and healthy, but most of all, they were thrilled to see Spencer again. Thinking they would have a reception like the one Bella had given them. They believed Carlisle and she would have mended their relationship and would walk out of the airport in each other's arms. Everyone would be back in Forks, and all would go back to the way it had been months before.
Yet, when they went to rush her with bright smiles and big hugs, Theo stood between the girl and the vampires. The interruption took them all by surprise, their golden eyes staring incredulously at the woman between them and the human. They were even more dumbfounded when they noted the stark distance between Spencer and Carlisle, especially the mask of guilt that painted the man's face.
“I think it's best if I'm the one to get Spencer to her car,” Theo said before anyone could mutter a word. “I know you are all glad to see her again, but it's best if this happens on her terms.”
“And who died and made you her spokesperson, Theodora?” Edward asked. “I think she can tell us what she wants herself.”
“I think that would be best, Theo,” Carlisle interjected. “I'm sure Spencer is tired of all the traveling.”
“Carlisle...”
“Edward, she's done more than enough,” he said. “She deserves to go home.”
“She will see you all if she feels up to it afterward.”
“Take one of our cars,” Carlisle added before turning to Spencer. His eyes were filled with sadness and remorse, his heart begging for a closeness he wasn't sure he would get ever again. “We'll stay in town long enough for you to be able to get your truck without us being there.”
“You don't have to do that, Carlisle. I'm sure you are all anxious to get home.”
“You deserve to have some space, Spencer,” he said with a sad smile. “But I would like to have a word with you before you go, if I may.”
“Uh, sure,” she responded. “I guess that's fine.”
They walked away from the family, the vampires stepping toward a busier area to give the pair their privacy—not that it would help much with their supernatural hearing. Still, they tried to at least give them a semblance of space.
There was an unspoken agreement between Carlisle and Spencer, it seemed. Though there was definite anger, disappointment, guilt, and regret, they were able to exchange a few words without trying to bite each other's heads off—at least, for the short amount of time they had spent together again.
“So, what’s up?”
“Well, I don’t want to take more of your time, but I do think it would be good for us to talk one day,” he said. “You know, to explain the things I did and lay this to rest.”
“Why would we do that, Carlisle?” Spencer asked. “What’s done is done. You left me; now you’re back. That’s all there is to it. Why should we rehash what you did to me?”
“The last thing I want is to make you relive those days—those emotions,” he replied. “But I do believe it will be good for us to talk about it all, if not to pass the page, then to close the chapter.”
The words took Spencer aback. As much as she wanted to have a definitive answer to her Carlisle dilemma, she never thought he would be the one to offer it. She could feel the weight of their future balanced on the shoulders of that one conversation. Keeping her options open with him was not fair to either of them; she knew that. But a part of her felt that closing the book on them was far more difficult than it seemed. Talking would never remove the deep roots their love for each other had grown in their chests.
“Is that what you want, then?” she found herself saying. “You really want to—what—put a period or an ellipsis at the end of our story?”
“Is that not what you want?” Carlisle questioned. “I know what I want, Spencer. But I am almost certain that our desires won't align—not right now. I just want us to lay our cards on the table and settle things once and for all.”
“I guess that's something we can do,” the girl sighed. “I just need some time to—I don't know—think, maybe. My head is too muddled and scattered to decide anything right now, especially when it comes to you... to us. I just... I can't do this right now, Carlisle. I am glad you're home. I am glad you are safe. I've given you enough time these past three days. Now, I need time to think and settle back into the fact that you're back.”
“Take all the time you need, darl-Spencer. I will wait eternity if I have to.”
“Thankfully, you've got that time,” she muttered. “I'll let you know when I'm ready, then.”
“Alright then,” he smiled softly. “I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me, Spencer. I know it may not seem that way, but you have brought life back to me, and I'll forever be in your debt for that.”
“You don't need to thank me, Carlisle. I did what I believe anyone would have done in this situation.” Spencer locked eyes with Theo from behind the man, begging her friend to save her from the conversation she was dying to walk away from. And thankfully, the woman got the memo. In a split second, she was standing beside them, unlocking the car and opening the passenger's door for her. “Well then, I guess I'll see you around, Carlisle.”
“You always know where to find me,” Carlisle affirmed. “Take care, Spencer.”
“You too.”
It wasn't long until all the vampires were left by themselves in the parking lot, the teens running to Carlisle to question what had occurred during the trip. “I know there is a lot I have to explain to you all,” he said. “And answers will come in due time. But right now, my focus is on Spencer, and it will remain on her until we reach a decision. I have been selfless for this family for long enough. Please grant me the privilege of selfishness at this moment—since I did not use it when I should have.”
“Carlisle...,” Edward tried to speak but was quickly interrupted by Esme.
“Why don't you guys head to the cars?” the motherly figure said. “I need to have a word with Carlisle first.”
There was no opposition from the bundle of teenage vampires as they all disappeared into their cars, trying their best not to use any of their abilities on the man. They respected him far too much to even try.
“I've really made a mess of things. Haven't I, old friend?”
“You really have,” she sighed. “I never thought things would get this shambolic. You've always been so careful with your treatment of others. How did this get so out of your hands?”
“I let fear guide my actions and cloud my judgment,” Carlisle admitted, remembering the sting of tears behind his eyes. “I thought that staying would be the worst outcome for her. I truly believed I would become her perdition if I continued to love her so closely. I put my family first and lost the greatest thing immortality had gifted me. Spencer had been the biggest blessing to my life, and I threw her away like she meant nothing.”
“You have a chance to fix this, Carlisle. She still cares about you—I know she does.”
“Even if she does, I don't deserve her forgiveness.” His eyes roamed the road Spencer had driven down. She was long gone, but he could still smell her scent lingering in the air. It made his chest wrench and his heart ache. There was one thing he had never stopped wanting, but he knew the more time passed he would never get back. “I will wish and pray that somehow God grants me the honor of another chance by her side. But if he doesn't, I am more than grateful for the time he gifted me with her, and I will treasure it for the rest of my existence.”