Chapter Text
Awkward couldn’t even begin to define the atmosphere around the room as Anakin and Obi-Wan took a sit in the Jedi Knight’s former cot, one inexorably next to the other, basically hipbone to hipbone.
It had been Obi-Wan who had made it happen just as so, Anakin not knowing what to do with himself, other than try and not combust to death from all that was happening around him.
It got even harder since once they were sitting down, Obi-Wan, bless his soul, grabbed his hand again, placing it in his lap simply and smiling pleasantly at the masters.
Mace Windu and Yoda took the empty chairs in front of Anakin’s bed, the noise the legs made as they were dragged resounding strongly in the silence around them.
Once settled, both Jedi Masters looked at a loss of what to say, Master Yoda’s previous assurance transforming into hesitance once the moment to talk arrived.
Anakin was about to ask Obi-Wan what in the kriff were they supposed to do in this situation when the Jedi master took the lead on it’s own “what is so urgent, Masters?”
Windu and Yoda exchanged a meaningful look, one Anakin was sure meant they were speaking through the force, and then the green master proceeded “Changed, the world outside these walls has. A different temple, outside you’ll find. A different republic”.
Master Windu lowered his head in his hands for a moment, apprehension clear on his shoulders, the only time ever that Anakin had seen him seem even close to vulnerable.
He somehow looked loss and for a moment an image flashed through the Jedi knight’s head, of the master when he was a youngling in the crèche.
Of whom he probably was before becoming the self assured, arrogant, impassive figure that intimidated everyone in the temple, and that had personally tormented him for years.
Anakin realized there and then that Windu’ constant rejection, perpetual scolding, lack of trust in him and more than anything, the fact he couldn’t quite conceal how much he disliked him had been crucial to his feelings of alienation within the order and that it had played a key part in pushing him towards the dark side.
He had always wanted this sentient to like him, to love him and he hadn’t, he wouldn’t, no matter how hard he had tried.
And now he was here in front of him, looking like a wayward lamb.
The shadow whispered to him that this was what he deserved, and that feeling satisfied at his pain was what was fair now.
But he wasn’t this person anymore and the image of a young Mace Windu resurfaced in his mind, and really, this was just a man, who had been once a kid, made hard by circumstance and dogma.
It was just like what had happened to Obi-Wan.
Like what had happened to him even.
There was a faint ring in the force inside him, a bell that said faintly “bingo”, a whisper of “this is my true nature”, an understanding that flowed in his veins and he finally understood what Obi-Wan had been going on about while he recovered, about compassion.
This was compassion.
This was the real nature of the force.
Obi-Wan must have felt his realization for he smiled discretely at him, moving his head ever so slightly so that he was semi facing his former padawan, a prideful glint in his eyes, naked love on his gaze and Anakin would have swooned in any other situation.
And he kind of did, for he felt something warm emerge from him, in him, flourishing from his heart and expanding in honeyed rays until every space, every crevasse in him was covered by it.
He didn’t know what it was exactly except that it had to do with his new realization of the force and that it felt sweet, protective, whole, cushioning even.
Like Obi-Wan´s arms felt when he was scared as a child during a rainstorm and ran to his room, his young and tired master hugging him and shushing him into soothing slumber.
It was one of the best sensations he had ever had for sure, and it had incredible timing, for without it he wouldn’t have fared very well after hearing what he was about to.
Master Windu lifted his head from his hands and the pained expression on his face made Obi-Wan, who was still semi facing Anakin, give his signature eyebrow raise and pivot until he was facing the troubled Jedi head on.
“What is it?” He demanded, his precious moment with his padawan gone and replaced with concern that leaked into the bond they shared.
“Listen, Obi-Wan… Anakin, there is no easy way to say this so I just will. We… the council I mean, may have lost our grip on the force”.
“Afloat we are, unanchored, unmoored” added Yoda, on close inspection looking as troubled as Windu and it made Anakin understand that the awkwardness in the room wasn’t about them at all but rather about the master themselves.
They were ashamed.
“What is it? What happened?” Repeated Obi-Wan, his trepidation growing in the force.
Anakin sent him waves of the golden calm that covered him, setting his mechano hand on top of their two already enclosed ones to anchor him.
“After everything that happened with your mission” And Anakin couldn’t fail to notice the fact that the master was avoiding the name of the mess that had brought them there “the chancellor started acting rather strangely”.
“Know too much about the state of Knight Skywalker, he did. His distress, he seemed to expect. Told us that fall to the dark side, he would. Access to him he requested”.
There was a sharp intake of breath as both Obi-Wan and Anakin traced the implications of what the chancellor had said and done. If he had expected Anakin to fall because of his master´s supposed murder then maybe he had…
It was Obi-Wan who spoke first, turning to face his former Padawan fully while keeping their hands joined “did you tell him anything that would tip him off?”
Anakin shook his head “I don’t think so. Did he order the mission?”
“No, the council…” but he seemed to realize something, so he turned to Mace and Yoda, his eyebrows going fully into his hair, his pupils expanding “the council ordered the mission, right?”
Master Windu looked even worse than he had so far, if that was even possible, his skin ashen “The chancellor told us there was intel regarding his possible kidnapping in the festival of lights from the separatists. He never told us were he got the information from and he… he requested you to carry out personally”.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. His face seemed composed but Anakin could feel the amount emotion that saturated him from their force bond. The mix of the master´s feelings went from red hot rage to sadness going through indignation, guilt and bitterness.
The Jedi Knight himself felt surprise too, and a part of him panicked that the shadow inside him would react to this discovery and wake up in answer to what it meant with rancor and ferocity but the wave of hatred he expected never came.
Instead, the balmy, rosy feeling that had been filing him since his redefinition of compassion soothed him, calming him enough so that he could recognize his emotions, one by one, but without them overtaking him.
After the initial shock, anger, betrayal and outrage came.
And the confusion.
Since, why? Why had the chancellor, someone he had considered a confidant and an ally conspired against him, planning to bring him to the dark side?
Why had he had hurt him where it mattered the most to him?
It was incomprehensible, his mind couldn’t quite get around it.
There were whispers in his head, agitated, but he couldn’t listen to them as the force appeased him, the sensation of tender arms around him, and muttered in his ear “the answers are coming, wait”.
Obi-Wan shook Anakin´s hands in his own lightly, breaking through the fog covering him “dear one, are you alright?”
The Jedi knight blinked twice, coming back to the present moment and realizing all the eyes in the room were on him, the air surrounding them suspended.
He realized that they were all holding their breath, waiting for an outburst from him or worse, for the shadow to return.
He took a deep breath and instead of focusing on the wariness on Yoda’s and Windu’s faces, he moved his attention to his lover’s soft, concerned face, and the fact that he had gotten over his own emotions and was now sending gentle waves of peace his way, their bond twining with the golden light from the force he knew was still in him.
He must have been less in control of his emotions than he thought, given the reaction of all the Jedi masters around him, so he shook his shoulders and head slightly and gave his master the best semblance of a smile he could and replied “I’m good”.
Then he turned to the Jedi Masters, all seriousness “I’m not falling back to the dark side yet masters. That part of the show comes later”.
It was a testament to how repentant Yoda and Windu were that they didn’t scold him for his brashness and proof how much Obi-Wan had changed that he chuckled lightly at his jest.
Still, there was judgment in Mace Windu’s face when he spoke “as I was saying, the chancellor’s actions and attitude alerted us so that we started paying more attention to his real intentions and all of his moves. After careful investigation…”
He turned to look at Yoda, who sighted, suddenly weary “The master sith, he had been, all along….”
Mace took over, clearly saving the old master from saying the next part of the story “Dooku was his apprentice, Grievous was working for them. The war, the clones, the separatists, everything back from when the trade federation invaded Naboo was part of his plan to overtake the republic and make it his empire”.
Yoda sighted “Anakin part of his plan was. The chosen one he knew him to be. Wanted him as an apprentice he did. Knew him powerful and strong and a key piece to overthrow the Jedi, he did. Plan the Rako Hardeen mission to make him fall, we believe he did”.
“We figured this out when we… realized the…. real relationship between you two and how could Palpatine use to it his advantage” and Anakin could have sworn he heard disgust in the master’s voice when he said the word “relationship”.
“Realized all these almost too late we did. The force, we couldn’t read. Lost it’s true meaning and understanding, we have”.
Anakin disorientation returned for this was simply too much to accept, too much information to process, so he clung to Obi-Wan’s presence in their bond, the squeeze of their hands and centered himself in the faint golden glimmer of the force that remained in his heart.
He could feel his master’s trepidation and how he worked through it and a sudden idea occurred to him “so this means the war is over right? Are the clones free? What is happening to the republic?”
“More complex than that it is, young Skywalker”.
“The war is indeed ending. It is being dismantled slowly through the galaxy. The clones are still in service, as are all the Jedi Generals. We are working closely with the new appointed chancellor to apprehend all separatist leaders and….”
The paleness returned to the Jedi Master, who had been recovering his color through his speech “bring Dooku and Grievous to justice”.
Anakin and Obi-Wan spoke at the same time, as thoughts flooded both their minds, their questions clearly reflecting their individual trail of thought “who is the new chancellor?” Asked the older man, while the Jedi knight couldn’t help but say “what happened to Palpatine?”
“I dueled with him” answered Mace, his hard stare finding Anakin’s eyes and staying there “and I killed him”.
For some strange reason, the emotion that flooded Anakin right there and then was relief, strange but fueling the force flow of his heart.
Then he remembered his previous realization and the image of youngling Mace Windu returned to the force front of his brain.
This man has been tough on him. He had hurt him. But he had also made away with someone who had threatened Obi-Wan and had wanted to use his vulnerability to turn him to the dark side.
Someone he had cared for, right? But that had betrayed him, and even if he couldn’t still wrap his mind, or heart for that matter, around that and process it, he understood what would have happened or how hard it would have been had Palpatine remained alive.
So he focused back on Windu.
This hard man had done something he was sure wouldn’t have been able to carry out and he had, willingly or not, protected him and the most precious person in his life. He had also helped end the war and again, he was just human.
So he couldn’t help himself when he said, honestly and from his heart holding his stare “thank you”.
The Jedi Master seemed taken aback by this answer, his dark eyebrows going up.
It took him a moment to recuperate, in which Obi-Wan squeezed Anakin’s hand in reassurance and support. He clearly sensed that while stable, his was overwhelmed by the amount of information given and everything that it meant and gave him a grounding device.
Ohhh how thankful was Anakin to have Obi-Wan. How much he loved him. How grateful he was to have survived this with him, and how much peace it gave him to know that in the end, Palpatine hadn’t separated them with his scheme but rather brought them closer.
Since Windu still didn’t seem to be able to speak, Master Yoda took over “Rebuilding itself, the republic is. Fired, all the old senators and functionaries have been. Trusted, their loyalties could not be. Remained, only a very select few. Planets, sending new representatives and solving their own internal problems are”.
The old green master took a breath, all of a sudden looking amused. Anakin couldn’t understand what of all this mess could be reason enough to smirk but then he heard his next words “Chosen as the new Chancellor, and old friend of the Jedi has been. Helpful, her appointment has been”.
Anakin couldn’t help himself, the awe and, yes, also pride and satisfaction too much to contain, for he knew who Yoda meant, ohhh he was sure of it “Padme is the new chancellor?!”
Windu´s features had schooled themselves back into their signature sternness “Chancellor Amidala was elected unanimously yes. As Master Yoda says, she has been able to provide us with a great deal of assistance and is working tirelessly towards peace”.
“Well”, added Obi-Wan, a little bit of the delight Yoda had shown and Anakin´s own pleasure evident in his tone “the Republic couldn’t be in better hands”.
The Jedi knight could only manage a nod, for Yoda continued, all mirth gone “Find this and more you will, outside. Kept your padawan shielded from all these happenings we did, so find out yourselves from us you would. Tell her yourselves, you should”.
He raised his gaze, his black, beady eyes concentrating first in Obi-Wan´s clear blue ones, and then on Anakin´s stormy azure ones “Too much to process, we understand all this is. Give you time for it, we will. Your quarters in the temple, untouched are. Stay there, you can. Bother you, no one will”.
“However” corrected Master Windu, raising his hand in a stopping gesture, palm outstretched “there is just so much time we can give you. We understand that you might… want to leave the order to be together” and his eyes traveled to Anakin´s and Obi-Wan´s intertwined hands “but you are needed here. The peace effort is enormous, and we requiere the best Jedi involved. Of which you two are”.
Both the Jedi master and his padawan were about to speak, but Master Yoda beat them to it, side eyeing Master Windu with a strange expression, that to Anakin somehow looked like disapproval “For more than the peace effort, we need you. Revising our understanding of the force we are. Rethinking the code, we are. The order, changes will face. Lost, our grip on the force is, as told you before we did”.
Anakin might have imagined it, but it sounded to him like there was a hint of pride in the next words the green master uttered “Perceive the true meaning of the force, you two do. A whole different interpretation of it, you seem to have. Obi-Wan´s words when Knight Skywalker was sick, I have analysed. True, they seemed to me”.
With difficulty, Master Yoda stood up from his chair, the legs of the piece of furniture scrapping loudly against the floor again. Both Master Windu and Obi-Wan made to stand up but Anakin understood that he was walking towards them so he pulled his master back down on the bed.
Obi-Wan seemed outraged for a second, until he understood what was going on and lowered himself next to his padawan, Windu going back to his chair in the same motion as them.
The green eyed sentient walked towards them, slowly, and stopped a few centimeters away from the bed they were sitting on. Leaning heavily on his walking stick, his skin folding on top of itself, he looked so old and vulnerable to Anakin he almost felt like he needed to protect him.
This was another master at the temple he had tried to woo and had failed, though his dismissals and rudeness towards him had been far less evident and strong than Master Windu´s.
Still, Anakin had craved the approval and love of this sentient, and had never achieved it. Looking at him like this though, the Jedi knight was again flooded by the syrupy embrace of compassion, for he knew Yoda was a mighty opponent, but was also burdened with age and responsibilities and war and loss (hadn’t he lost a padawan to the dark side? What would he do if he lost Ashoka? The thought was too much to bear, he found out), and they had all taken its toll on him, for how fragile he seemed now.
He had done the best he could, he realized, just like Windu and Obi-Wan and him.
He was worthy of his empathy, of his mercy.
This deep understanding though, didn’t make his satisfaction any less intense when Yoda said “Learn from you two, I want. Really comprehend the meaning of the force, I believe you do. The bases of the new order, I would like for you to help us figure out” he took a deep breath and then turned to Anakin specifically when he continued “The dark side of the force and its nature, I am sure we have mistaken. Learn from your emergence from it, we need, Anakin”.
The Jedi knight in question blinked rapidly, trying to call back the moisture that had gathered in his eyes.
He knew he didn’t need Yoda´s recognition, that the only praise that really mattered was his own, but he couldn’t help but feel vindicated. What had been the worse about him, or what he was sure other people thought was worse about him, was turning out to be his saving grace.
Because it had been his temperament, unruly emotions, attachment and passion what had both drove him to the dark side and brought him back to the light (along with Obi-Wan of course), and after being berated about exactly those characteristics of himself before the council time and time again, criticized and scolded, it felt like absolute dignity to have one of its most, or the most, prominent member, recognizing that his fall and the way he had dealt with it was something worth learning from. It wasn’t a disgrace or a tragedy, but a lesson that had helped him root his grasp on the force.
The green master now eyeing him with respect had told him once that his future was cloudy. And of course it had been. It had darkness and light in it. It couldn’t be any other way.
“The chosen one, you truly are, brought balance to the force, you have. Study from you, we all must”.
And yeah, dignity didn’t cover what Anakin felt at that moment. He had been called the chosen one all of his life and it had been more of a burden than a gift but being told this, right now, by someone he admired and for something he was proud of…
It was like all the pieces of his life were settling in their right places.
As it turned out, he had been trying to fill the role of the chosen one all of his life, had done his best to act like he thought the title deserved, but in the end, what made him actually fulfill his destiny was simply being himself.
The force sang in his veins, in every muscle, in his heart.
He almost, almost, launched himself into a full fledged hug of Master Yoda, but kept his decorum if only for Obi-Wan´s hand enclosed on both his own, and for the way his former master looked at him now, full of pride, of recognition… of love.
And it was that love that mattered more to him than anything else. Along with his own for himself, which he found out now blooming alongside the force and compassion in his chest.
The dark side had whispered to him that he was unlovable and Obi-Wan had proved it wrong. Now he understood that love, the true one that sinks into your bones and keeps you safe, doesn’t hinge upon being what you thought other people wanted from you, but from being yourself.
And once you are yourself, your full self, with the shadows and the light, with the good and the bad, once you embrace everything about you, then loving yourself, the true kind, the one that doesn’t budge when you make a mistake or scream or get angry or fall to the dark side, comes natural and easy.
Ohhh if Qui-Gon could see him now.
Obi-Wan´s side of the bond was filled with awe and it pulsed to him, bringing him back from his train of thought with it’s sweetness.
The smile that split his lips then was one of the most honest, open ones he had ever let escape and he bowed his head towards the green sentient “You honor me with your words, Master Yoda”.
The master in question walked the tiny space between him and the bed Anakin and Obi-Wan were sitting on and patted their joint hands with his own “Unjedi like, this will sound. Care, I don’t think I do. Proud, of my lineage I am”.
Anakin wasn’t sure if the joy he felt was his or his lover´s for it was looped in the bond between them. He turned his brilliant, impossibly growing smile towards Obi-Wan, whose grin really, was enormous.
The smirked at one another, giddy, all thoughts about Palpatine and the war disappearing for the time being.
Obi-Wan turned to look at Master Yoda, his beam intact and while keeping eye contact, nodded, answering “we are proud of belonging to it master”.
And it would have been a perfect moment, if it hadn’t been for Master Windu, who, Anakin was sure, they had all forgotten was there.
He cleaned his throat noisily, drawing the attention back to him and speaking before anyone could say anything else “This all means, that besides informing you about what has happened since you have been in the Halls of Healing, what we came here to do is what Master Yoda has informally already done, which is to ask you to stay in the order. Help with the peace effort, help us build the order and the code anew, guide the padawans and the new generation of Jedis so that we can all find our footing in the force and be of service to the galaxy again”.
Both Anakin and Obi-Wan turned their eyes to Master Yoda, who nodded “That, we came to do. Need you, all the order does”.
The Jedi master squeezed Anakin´s hands and sent through their bond a tiny “do you trust me?”, to which the Jedi knight obviously answered “of course”. Then a whispered “stop me if I say something wrong” followed and then Obi-Wan was speaking “Though we are honored by your request masters, I am sure you understand why we have our reservations and will need time to rest and think about it. But before we give it any thought I just want to make one thing clear”.
Master Windu and Yoda directed their gaze to Obi-Wan´s face, and had it not been a tense moment Anakin would have found hilarious the disparity between their expressions. Where Windu was wary and tense, Yoda was pleased and relaxed. They obviously knew what was coming.
“There is absolutely no way” Obi-Wan continued, after the pregnant pause, his voice solid “in which Anakin and I will stay unless we remain as a couple. We will not be compromising our relationship in any way. We will not be polite about it, or hide it, or anything of the likes. The same goes with our criteria. If we don’t believe in a mission the order sends us in, we won’t be taking it and we expect our opinions and values to be taken into account, respected and listened to. We will not be doing anything we don’t fully believe in. Also, we want to raise Ashoka as we see fit. If you are uncomfortable with any of these things I suggest you tell us right now so that we can leave, once we have rested”.
The room had been awkward before, yes, but now the apprehension filling it could almost be felt, filling out every crevasse and corner, suspending all it´s dwellers in thick tension.
Anakin couldn’t believe his ears, and his heart grew three sizes as he realized that Obi-Wan was here, in front of the most respected members of the council, standing up for him, for them, for Ashoka and putting them as a priority instead of duty, or the galaxy or the order.
He had seen his former master negotiate and this was nothing like it. Because he wasn’t negotiating, he was setting an ultimatum.
Master Yoda, still in front of them though with his hand is his walking stick, turned to really look at Windu, since the beginning of the whole ordeal. It was obvious both Jedi didn’t have the same opinion about the couple in front of them or what to do with them or the order.
Somehow, Anakin was sure they were going to say and no and they would leave and help the peace effort on their own terms, and though part of him wanted nothing more than that, another one did want to stay and help the order, make it better for future generations so that they didn’t have to feel as ashamed or alone or out of place as he had. To be able to help them understand the force and themselves. And yes, to finally belong where he wanted to fit in, since he was 9 years old.
Besides him, Obi-Wan seemed to be feeling the same thing he did, if his end of their bond had anything to say about it.
They clutched at each other’s hands, awaiting the momentous decision that would dictate the rest of their lives.
Finally, Master Yoda and Windu broke eye contact, seemingly having reached a verdict through their communication in the force “Accept your terms, we do. To rest now, you must go. Think about your future, please do”.
“We need to know your choice before the next two weeks, so that we can allocate resources” said the dark skinned master, always pragmatic, as he rose to his feet “thank you for listening to us” and with that he bowed and left the room.
Master Yoda shook his head slightly and looked at them as both Jedi rose from the bed, still close together, and ready to exit the Halls of Healings at last “Know this, you two. Easy, this won’t be. Much resistance, we will find. But worth it, this cause is”.
And then he smiled and Anakin was sure he had never seen the master smirk quite so lightly “but alone, you are not. Not only me, as your ally you will find. A lot of Jedi, change want. Much support, you will have. Much support you already have. Your home, this is”.
He gave them a final wiggle of his his hairless eyebrows and then left slowly, leaving Anakin and Obi-Wan to share their wonder at this turn of events and thank the force for Rako Hardeen.