Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Relationships:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Tragicomic Disaster Fam AU of the LU
Collections:
*slaps fic* i'm gonna reread this so many times I need it on hot key
Stats:
Published:
2021-05-02
Completed:
2021-11-23
Words:
117,825
Chapters:
24/24
Comments:
1,009
Kudos:
4,171
Bookmarks:
698
Hits:
120,270

In Which Wild Avoids Meeting the Gang

Chapter 24: In Which Wild Is Rudely Awakened from a Rather Pleasant Nap

Summary:

Wild continues the bad decision making from the previous chapter. The Great Deku Tree quotes a game it technically wasn't present for. Sky contemplates divine providence, following which he accidentally walks in on an amateur fight club featuring an obscure yet entertaining BotW NPC. Wild continues the bad decision making, but now: worse, featuring Dink-typical-arseholery as per the AO3 tags. Zelda cheers up her friend by proposing several increasingly ill-advised sacrilegious acts. Wild makes a triumphant return. Group hug.

Notes:

Long chapter is long, and SOMEONE'S gonna be crying by the end of it, and that someone AIN'T GONNA BE ME.
...
...
...
Wait, what? This is the last chapter?! Well then, I take back that whole no-crying thing ;_;

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you enjoyed it! Not sure how many of the 34k hits actually translate to people reading the whole fic, but if you did: that's dedication, mate. Cheers. I never expected this fic to go on for over 110k words, but I've had a blast writing it. If you're somehow interested in reading even more, I may end up posting other works in this series - so go and subscribe now if you want updates on that. Also, please do leave me a comment if you've enjoyed it! Comments feed my ego and make me smile, and they cost you nothing, so... pretty please? :)

Enjoy!

Chapter Text

Korok Forest was not a quiet place.

Leaves rustled. Branches fell. Insects sang and frogs warbled cheerfully along. Shy little forest spirits teemed from every nook and cranny, chittering their surprise at Wild’s approach. He himself remained silent, offering only a few curt nods as he made his way to the sword pedestal, took a deep, steadying breath, reached out his hand, and –

Fire raced up his arm, surging through his bloodstream in the space of a heartbeat. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so bad, but he couldn’t let go now, he couldn’t, Princess Zelda was counting on him, just hold on a little longer –

Wild flinched back before his fingers could even touch the hilt. He gritted his teeth and thrust his hand forward again, this time actually managing to brush it lightly with his fingertips before instinctively recoiling a second time. He wasn’t quite sure if the slight jolt felt upon contact was real or remembered, nor whether he was imagining the humming in his ears. The thudding of his heartbeat at least was likely reliable: he focused on that sound and did his best to calm his shaky breathing.

A low rumble from above slowly penetrated his jumbled senses. ‘So, you did come back after all…’ it remarked.

Wild slowly rose from his crouched position. ‘Great Deku Tree,’ he greeted flatly.

A rough chuckle answered him. ‘At ease, young swordsman. I had dreamed you might return, but dreams are not without error… last time you were here, you were rather firm that the sword’s role was over, within your own lifetime at least. Have you since changed your mind?’

Wild flinched. ‘I…’

‘Or perhaps,’ the Great Deku Tree continued shrewdly, ‘you have come here with a question? If that is the case, then by all means: ask away. I will give you what answers I can.’

Wild scowled. ‘If you already know that much, what’s the point of asking?’

‘Perhaps you will surprise me. Young souls often do.’

‘I’m a hundred and si– hundred and seventeen,’ Wild pointed out automatically. The Great Deku Tree only laughed, which Wild, upon reflection, probably deserved.

He let his gaze drop to the ground. ‘When you… back then…’ he began slowly. ‘Back when I drew the sword, you warned me to take care. You said you weren’t sure if I was worthy or not. What did you mean by that? Was I worthy, in the end? What would have happened if I wasn’t?’

‘You would have died,’ the Great Deku Tree stated simply. When Wild merely stood there in shocked silence, the tree added, ‘I was watching closely, intending to stop you if necessary, but thankfully there was no need. You passed the blade’s test, and claimed it as your own.’

Wild felt a weight lift off his shoulders. ‘I see. I… I did pass, then.’ He scoffed. ‘What an ill-tempered weapon. Does it really try to kill all of its masters?’

‘No,’ the Great Deku Tree replied promptly. ‘You, in your current form, were the first to face such a test. Indeed, one hundred years ago, you yourself were able to draw and wield it without pain.’

Wild jolted. He looked up again towards the ancient guardian of the forest. ‘It, umm… it was a rhetorical question,’ he said faintly.

‘Ah. My apologies.’

Nothing more was said. Wild fidgeted. Quietly, he asked, ‘Why, then?’

‘Is this also a rhetorical question?’

‘…No. No, I want to know the answer.’

The Great Deku Tree sighed. ‘The sword is what it was made to be, young one. Time and companionship have granted some degree of sentimentality, but there is only so far that it can defy its own nature. As you are now, that very nature is inimical to you. There is no malice in that.’

‘“No malice in an inevitability”,’ Wild murmured.

The Great Deku Tree was silent for a long moment. ‘A word of advice for you, from one ancient spirit to another?’ it offered eventually.

‘And there I thought I was a “young soul”,’ Wild remarked dryly.

‘Your soul is young. Your spirit is not.’

Wild shrugged, lacking the energy to delve into that one. ‘Sure. Give me your advice, then. Why not?’

‘A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage,’ the tree intoned.

The words sparked a faint flicker of memory – a trace of something gold and green, the cold, wet taste of fog, the mournful howl of a wolf… all gone before Wild could make sense of them. He frowned. ‘That phrase,’ he murmured. ‘Where have I…?’

His gaze fell once more upon the Master Sword, seeing the blade suddenly pulse with blue light. A distant chiming sound reached his ears, but if there were any words associated with the noise, he couldn’t make them out. He never could, at least as far as he could recall. How ironic, Wild had always thought, that he ended up being the one granted access to the Goddess’ voice, whereas only Zelda had ever heard the words of the Master Sword.

He stared at the blade for a long moment, before tearing his eyes away and nodding towards its guardian. ‘Thank you,’ he said thickly. ‘I’ll… I’ll be going now.’


Generally speaking, Sky slept rather well at night. One key prerequisite as to why Sky was, generally speaking, able to sleep rather well at night was that Sky had, generally speaking, accepted that was only so far a mortal could go in understanding the ways of the gods. Sometimes, he knew, all Sky could truly manage was to do his best and have faith that everything would work out eventually. Surprisingly often, it did, whether due to luck or divine providence. Sky knew better than to question such things.

Regardless of this battle-tested wisdom, Sky did feel that the great Goddess’ timing could occasionally be a little… interesting. So, maybe the stablemaster was going to have a few nightmares about the look Sky shot him after his rude interruption to the very important conversation Sky had been having with Wild, but, well, Sky couldn’t control everything, now could he?

As he made his way back to the stable, Sky did his best to banish Wild’s forlorn expression from his mind. Sooner or later, they would need to discuss whatever his companion had been trying to say about “missed chances”, “lost and broken things” and everything else that had set the alarm bells in Sky’s mind ringing at top volume. Unfortunately, it seemed that now was not that time.

Reluctantly, Sky stepped through the entrance to the stable.

‘Get her, Twi!’ Wind hollered from his seat in Time’s lap.

‘Fucking wreck him, Risa!’ Legend yelled from his position beside Hyrule, the latter frowning sympathetically as he stretched and massaged the former’s joints.

Sky blinked.

In the scant few minutes he’d been absent, the stable’s interior had transformed into a makeshift wrestling arena, with three combatants – one Hylian and two Gorons – already nursing bruises to one side, while Twilight and an eight-foot-tall Gerudo woman circled each other at the centre of the room. The rest of Sky’s companions lounged against the opposite wall, noisily spectating the event. He cautiously edged his way towards them, questions hovering at the tip of his tongue.

Now, Sky would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little curious, but after all the times a shift had been suddenly sprung on them, the prewarning of the portal was nothing to scoff at. They really ought to make use of the boon they’d been granted, so, sure he was extremely curious, but –

‘Party games,’ Wind offered by way of explanation. ‘Loser has to marry the winner.’

Sky frowned. ‘I… don’t think that’s how marriage works?’

‘Well, it’s not my era, so how would I know?’ Wind observed carelessly. ‘Twi agreed, so I guess it’s fine.’

‘I specifically didn’t agree!’ Twilight called back. In the moment of his distraction, “Risa” (was that her name?) surged forward, elbow aimed at Twilight’s gut, only for her opponent to step to one side, tumble across the floor and rise to drive his own elbow in between her shoulder blades.

‘Huh,’ Time murmured. ‘That was a Back Slice, wasn’t it?’

‘It’s not over yet!’ Legend crowed as Risa retaliated with a vicious knee to Twilight’s chest, winning her a grunt of pain in response. Yep, Sky gauged, that was definitely going to leave bruises.

‘Umm… I know it’s bad timing, but… there’s a portal outside,’ he revealed.

‘Wait, what?’ said Twilight, unfortunately leaving the perfect opportunity for Risa to sweep her leg beneath his and topple him, thus concluding the match.

‘Fuck yeah, you crazy bitch!’ cheered Legend.

‘Unfair! Rematch, rematch!’ Wind yelped in response.

Twilight swiftly extricated himself from Risa’s hold (‘Are you sure you don’t want to get marr–?’ ‘Positive.’) and jogged over. ‘Portal already, huh?’ he said breathlessly. ‘How are we placed for supplies?’

‘Fairly well, all things considered,’ Time mused. ‘The stable was quite well stocked for mundane travelling equipment and rations, and the Zoras brought plenty of potions with them – or elixirs, rather, as they call them. We should split them between us just in case we’re separated again. The main thing we’re lacking is magic-replenishing elixirs, which are apparently rather rare in this era. I’ve given the one they did have to Hyrule. We’ll have to take a bit of extra care until we can restock properly.’

‘Wild’s enduring elixirs seem to have a similar effect, if we need them, and he said he had a few spares,’ Hyrule offered. ‘They don’t exactly restore magic, but they do offset the effects of magic exhaustion.’

Legend reluctantly tore his eyes from the (admittedly impressive) sight of Risa suplexing a Zora woman. ‘That doesn’t mean it’s safe to overuse your magic, ’Rule,’ he warned. ‘You ought to know your limits by now. Go overboard again and I’ll tie you to your bedroll for a week.’

Hyrule cuffed him lightly. ‘Try following your own advice, dumbass.’

‘Where is Wild, anyway?’ Warriors queried, eyes scanning over their surroundings.

Sky bit his lip. ‘Likely with Flora,’ he replied, thoughts straying, once more, to the sight of their new team member looking as if someone had just kicked his pet remlit and/or bear. ‘I suggested he go and say goodbye to everyone while he has the chance.’

Time nodded ruefully. ‘It’s rather unfortunate timing, isn’t it?’

‘Could be worse,’ Legend pointed out. ‘Could be in the middle of a wedding. Could be in the middle of a funeral. Could be while he has a pot of soup on the stove which he left simmering while he took what he thought was a quick trip to the shops, could be – wait, shit, did I leave the stove burning?’

‘Thank you, Legend,’ said Hyrule dryly. ‘As always, you are a bright ray of positivity on this dark quest in which we find ourselves.’

Without a trace of sarcasm, Legend promptly replied, ‘You’re welcome.’

‘Well, the portal won’t wait forever,’ Time said regretfully. ‘Let’s handle the rations and potions allocation now. We’ll give Wild his before we leave.’

Sky zoned out amid the sounds of clinking glass and rustling paper, eyes fixed instead on the entrance to the stable, where both Wild and Flora seemed to be taking a rather long time to return. It was probably nothing, he supposed. It wasn’t as if they’d had much time to speak alone, in between prank wars and overpopulated camps and monster hunts and raucous parties (out of the corner of his eye, Sky witnessed Risa land an ostentatious moonsault onto her opponent’s chest).

Idly, he thumbed the hilt of the Master Sword, thinking back on that unhappy chime he’d heard a few hours earlier. Fi would surely know whether there was any cause for alarm, but, within his own hands at least, the spirit of the blade remained asleep, in the same state she had maintained since the conclusion of his original quest. On rare occasions she still made her presence known, but he was never quite sure how aware she was of his situation or his surroundings. So, then, what was that sound, he wondered?

‘Sky?’

He jolted at the sound of his name. ‘Yes?’

‘Is something wrong?’ Time asked. ‘You seem a little distracted.’

‘It’s nothing,’ he replied automatically. A moment later, Sky changed his mind. ‘No, actually… could you excuse me for a moment?’ He got to his feet. ‘I need to speak to Flora.’ Without waiting for a response, he hurried towards the exit.


Resting beside the pond outside his home in Hateno, beneath the small amount of shade the old and battered apple tree offered, Wild finally took a moment to address the violent flashing from his Sheikah Slate, revealing three missed calls and several new messages, all from Zelda:

Wild, can you call me back please?

Wild, I saw you teleport and this has me understandably concerned.

I still have your cake, you know.

If this is a prank, I will be very upset.

Wild, there appears to be an interdimensional and/or intertemporal portal right outside the stable, which I specifically noticed you noticing and which I’m relatively sure you’re not supposed to teleport away from.

Please at least text me so that I know that you’re safe.

Wild, my most honourable and cherished Champion, I am not asking for much, I merely request a brief response (a single word would be quite sufficient at this point) to confirm the continued standard functionality of your respiratory and circulatory systems. Kindly respond at earliest convenience or I swear to everything holy and/or unholy that I will DROP YOUR FAVOURITE SKIRT DIRECTLY INTO THE FIRES OF DEATH MOUNTAIN. The cute little blue one with the fluffy petticoat and the white ribbon trim and the matching headpiece. DO NOT TEST ME ON THIS, FOOL. I WILL DO IT.

ANSWER THE DANG SLATE, YOU INSUFFERABLE LITTLE RAT BOKOBLIN.

Please.

Wild’s vision swam disconcertingly towards the end of the last few messages. He rubbed his eyes, murmuring an aimless complaint towards the sunlight, the thirty-something hours he had gone without sleeping, the motion sickness associated with about ten to fifteen minutes of staring into the swirling shadows of the interdimensional portal projected onto the surface of the pond beside him, or to whatever else had contributed to the building ache in his temples.

‘What on earth are you doing, Hero of the Wild?’ an amused voice drawled.

Probably that last one, upon reflection.

The results of the Sanctuary Rune looked surprisingly similar to Hylia’s own suspicious black portal. A distant part of Wild wondered why that was. The less distant parts of him were preoccupied by just how badly his head was starting to ache.

Oh, right. Dark Link had asked a question. ‘I wanted us to speak, but I didn’t know how to contact you,’ he explained. ‘I just had the idea that if I used that Rune you gave me… I don’t know, that you might sense it somehow. Like how…’ Like how the four Champions had sensed the use of their own gifts, Wild thought but didn’t say.

Dark Link hummed thoughtfully. ‘Well, it worked, I suppose. It’s a rather distinctive magic; I couldn’t help but get curious. Though to think we would meet again so soon and in such a place…’ his eyes strayed around their surrounds, squinting uncomfortably in the sunlight. ‘Regardless,’ he continued, ‘if you don’t intend to actually use that Rune, I suggest you cancel it for now. The energy drain is nothing to scoff at, you know.’

Energy drain? Wild frowned. That’s right… Zelda had mentioned something similar in connection with teleportation, hadn’t she? Just how much more energy did an interdimensional portal require? Wild quickly fumbled for the right Rune, hands shaking, and managed to make the strange portal disappear. Immediately, a weight that he had barely even noticed disappeared from his shoulders.

‘Much better,’ Dark Link remarked, taking a seat beside him. ‘Now then, tell me young Hero of the Wild: why is it that you were so keen to speak with me?’

Wild paused for a long moment, searching for the right words. ‘This… might sound odd… and I don’t mean it as an accusation, but…’ He glanced over to Dark Link and then looked back down at his lap. ‘Back when we spoke before. About the other heroes, about the Shrine of Resurrection and about the portals. You weren’t… you weren’t hiding anything from me, were you?’

A long, heavy silence greeted him. Wild fidgeted awkwardly, holding off for as long as he could manage before stealing a look at his companion.

Dark Link gazed him with an inscrutable expression. ‘That’s a rather odd question to be faced with,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m not sure I can respond properly without knowing the context. Where exactly did this come from?’

Wild swallowed. ‘J-just… something that Sky said. That only holders of the Hero’s Spirit can use the portals, and that those people should be able to use the Master Sword. You… you already know that I… well, it’s not like I can’t use the sword at all, just…’

‘Just not without it burning you,’ Dark Link finished thoughtfully.

Wild nodded shakily. ‘It’s… the first time we met, you said you didn’t think I was “suited”. But you also… you also made it sound as if I had a choice. Or at least a ch-chance. I m-mean, sure, you said a lot of other things about dark magic and n-natural enemies and everything, but if it was actually impossible –’

‘I see,’ said Dark Link. He paused for a long, thoughtful moment. ‘So, only certain people can use the Goddess’ portals? I suppose that makes sense… though it must have been quite distressing to hear.’

Wild stomach dropped. ‘You… you didn’t know?’

‘I can’t know everything, Hero of the Wild,’ Dark Link said calmly. ‘It’s a rather large universe, full of all manner of intriguing things – yourself included, of course. Hmm… and you said it was the Hero of the Sky who told you this, I believe? I suppose he would have no real reason to lie to you, would he?’

‘I… wouldn’t think he would lie?’ Wild replied hesitantly. ‘Unless…’ His words trailed off as he thought it through: Sky had seemed confident enough in his words, had seemed genuinely shocked at his reaction, had actually tried to apologise for upsetting Wild, but…

Hadn’t this whole thing come about right after the hinox fight, where Wild had shown himself to be a liability? Only hours after he’d caused a pointless argument around breakfast, less than a day since Sky had caught him red-eyed and shaky after breaking down in front of Legend, right after overreacting once again and actually destroying one of Sky’s items? Sky, the first of the heroes, Sky, who wielded the Master Sword, who had heard the voice of the Master Sword, who had, out of all the heroes, the strongest bond with the blade. Compared to that, what was Wild beyond a broken, scar-riddled failure who’d left his kingdom in ruins?

‘I… don’t know?’ Wild eventually admitted.

His doppelgänger raised an eyebrow at that response, but evidently decided to let the matter go. ‘For argument’s sake, then: let’s say he told the truth, and that only those who possess the Hero’s Spirit can use the portals. If that’s the case –’

‘Hold on,’ Wild said suddenly. ‘Didn’t you say you could use them?’

‘Indeed,’ Dark Link confirmed. ‘But I’m a rather special case, I’m afraid. I told you of my true nature, didn’t I? Certainly, I wasn’t born with the Hero’s Spirit like you, but at this point, I may well have been. I am a perfect copy, right down to my very aura. I doubt even the Goddess’ own portals could tell the difference. But you, Wild…’ Dark Link cast a speculative eye over him. ‘You’re a rather special case as well, are you not?

‘The others have been journeying for some time now, you know? I expect they were rather surprised to encounter you.’

‘It’s been over a month since we’ve encountered a new Link,’ Time had said. ‘Why now?’

‘Certainly, you held that spirit once… and perhaps you still do. But, for whatever reason, the sword only grudgingly accepts you as its master. As if it can’t even recognise the one it has served throughout the eons.’

‘Do you remember any dreams from your time in the Slumber of Restoration?’ Purah had once asked. ‘You don’t look like you’ve changed a bit in the last one hundred years, but something must have happened in all that time.’

‘And then there’s this, the most intriguing point of all: the fact that you and I are meeting here, in this place at this time.’ Dark Link’s eyes slid back to Wild’s. ‘Hateno Village, I believe? Or somewhere near it? I can faintly smell the sea. Not that I don’t enjoy our little conversations, but why, I wonder, would one of Hylia’s chosen heroes have fled such a long way in order to speak with me privately?’

Wild’s own voice echoed back to him. ‘Even if I don’t really have the right to be here, then suppose I wanted to have that right, suppose I wanted to be a hero of courage like you, then I figure the f-first thing I would have to do is, uh, sh-show some courage. So, uh, th-that’s why I’m here.’

The gentle chiding of the sword’s ancient guardian. ‘A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage.’

‘Well,’ Dark Link continued, ‘there’s only one way to know for sure if the portal will grant you passage, but the fact that I see you here now… perhaps you’ve already made your choice.’

Wild flinched. ‘I’m not… I’m not running away, I just wanted –’

‘There’s no shame in it,’ Dark Link said gently. ‘I’m not here to lecture you for your decisions.’ He sighed. ‘Hasn’t the world been harsh enough on you already?’

Dark Link’s voice seemed to take on a strange, mesmerising resonance as he continued, ‘It’s the way of the Hero’s Spirit, I suppose. Having every tiny weakness picked at, every bit of softness beaten down. Never fast enough, never cooperative enough, too young, too afraid, too sheltered, too loving, too proud… the gods and their servants may see it as nothing more than the forging of a more powerful weapon, yet the truth is that anything can break if enough pressure is applied. Even the Hero’s Spirit.

‘The gods have been cruel to you, Link, have they not? You fought valiantly every step of the way, both in your first lifetime and then once again: cruelly denied even a peaceful death, forced back into a body and mind that might as well have been strangers. Surely, you’re already exhausted. So why should you be forced to stoically bear even more pain, even more rejection, even more loss?’

Wild’s vision blurred, exhaustion creeping up on him once again. ‘Not “Link”. I’m Wild,’ he forced out, the words blending together just a little. He wobbled where he sat. He felt a distant kind of alarm at that; why was he suddenly so tired?

‘Of course, Wild,’ Dark Link replied soothingly. ‘My apologies.’ A cool arm snaked around his shoulders. ‘Dear me; you’re not looking so well. Perhaps you should rest.’

‘But the portal –’ Wild objected weakly.

‘– Is probably already gone,’ Dark Link finished. ‘They don’t tend to stay for long, you know? It’s been at least half an hour since this one opened, and we’re a long way from the stable now.’

Wild made a feeble attempt to fight back against the fog invading his mind. Something was wrong with that last statement, he thought dizzily. What was it? Something about the stable… why was it suddenly so hard to think straight?

‘Maybe I am tired,’ he mumbled.

‘Then rest, Hero of the Wild. You’ve earned it, surely.’

And he had, hadn’t he? Was that selfish to think? If it was impossible anyway, what difference would it make, really, to just rest and let the others disappear from his era without a farewell? They’d forget about him soon enough. He hadn’t been necessary from the beginning.

Wild let his eyes slip closed, body slumping against the cool presence at his back. As he fell away into the darkness, the last thing he heard was a whisper in his ear: ‘Sleep well, Hero of the Wild.’


‘Open your eyes.’

The fuzzy blue light above was growing ever more distant. Lazily, he swam upwards for a few strokes, stopping when he realised how little of a difference it seemed to make. Why not just let himself sink, then?

‘You’re incredible, you know, Wild?’

The voice echoed strangely as if heard from deep underwater. What an odd thing to say.

He suddenly recognised the blue light shining down on him: that was the Shrine of Resurrection, wasn’t it? If they’d put him in the Shrine again, did that mean he’d failed a second time? Would the Shrine even work a second time? What if he emerged even more broken than before?

‘You’re not fucking broken,’ a second voice snapped in response to that thought. Wild gave a mental shrug, unwilling to argue the point.

‘You ok, Wild?’ another voice asked gently. He could almost picture the face that went with it: sharp blue eyes, arcane markings… Twilight – that was his name, wasn’t it?

‘You’re one of us now, so don’t treat yourself like an outsider,’ Vio scolded.

‘I think you’ll fit right in,’ Time added confidently.

‘Don’t worry, new kid, I’ll show you around,’ Wind chirped.

Despite himself, Wild smiled for a moment. The brief grin faded under the weight of realisation.

Ah. He’d really missed his chance, hadn’t he?


Upon the entrance platform to the Myahm Agana shrine, strings of blue light coalesced into the shape of a Hylian woman who closed her eyes, concentrated for a moment and then said, loudly and exasperatedly, ‘Goddess dash it, Wild.’

After the countless nights Zelda had jolted awake from nightmares, gasping for breath and reaching desperately for any hint of comfort, Wild’s aura was unmistakable, though why he was at home and in bed of all places was beyond her. Stormily, she made her way over to the old cottage, tossed her shoes onto the rack near the door and began to climb the creaking stairs.

She supposed there were worse places to have found her missing friend, thus why she had already checked the Shrine of Resurrection (empty and dark; had there been a cave-in?) and Zora’s Domain (no, thankfully he had not passed through on his way to fight a lynel). Still, his current location gave little explanation as to why he’d chosen to ignore her increasingly desperate attempts to make contact.

The small flicker of anger Zelda had managed to muster during her approach died at the sight of her dearest friend resting peacefully, golden tresses loose across his pillow, breathing slow and even, face relaxed in deep slumber. Gently, she seated herself beside him on the mattress, hand rising to brush his cheek.

‘You picked a rather odd time to take a nap,’ she murmured.

Wild let out a soft mumble and shifted a little closer to her hand before sighing and going still once again. Zelda’s brow furrowed: Wild tended to sleep lightly when he slept at all, and it was a little uncanny to see him so unaware.

‘Wake up,’ she called in a louder tone. Wild didn’t respond to her voice, but he did grumble slightly at the harsh poking that followed. For a moment, she thought that would be enough to rouse him, but surprisingly he merely rolled over and buried his face in the pillow.

Zelda rose from the bed and descended the stairs. A minute or two later, she was back in front of Wild, now equipped with a pair of saucepans.

‘WAKE UP ALREADY, YOU ROCK-GUZZLING FOOL OF A HERO!’ she shouted, banging her makeshift cymbals together.

Wild shot up from the mattress. ‘Huhwhat?’ he sputtered. ‘Z-Zel’a? What – you – huh?! How did I – when did I –? Huh?!’

‘Good afternoon, my dear Champion,’ Zelda replied severely, trying not to laugh at either Wild’s confusion or his hilarious bedhead.

‘’S afternoon a’ready?’ he slurred sleepily.

Zelda stacked her pots noisily on the bedside table. ‘Yes, it’s afternoon,’ she confirmed as she did her (rather ineffective) best to yank him out of bed. ‘It was early in the afternoon when you teleported away about half an hour ago, therefore it is still afternoon now. I don’t know what you think you’re doing right now, but you need to get back to the stable now. It’s not too late, but it soon will be, and if you’re not there when the portal starts fading –’

Wild fiercely tugged himself free of her grip, lay back down and yanked the covers over his head. Through the fabric, she heard his muffled response: ‘Don’t wake me up for stupid shit like that.’

‘You –’ Zelda choked on her next breath. ‘I will absolutely wake you up for “stupid sh-shit” like this, just you watch me! Get the heliotrope out of bed!’

‘Or else what?’ he demanded.

Instead of a verbal response, she grabbed the quilt and yanked. The first attempt was unsuccessful – damn heroes and their ridiculous strength – but the second, tactical approach bore more fruit.

‘The f– are you actually tickling my feet right now?!’ Wild yelped while Zelda did exactly that.

‘Get out of bed and I’ll stop,’ she challenged.

He glared at her with rare, genuine anger. ‘One fucking day,’ he hissed back. ‘That’s all I’m asking for. One day to rest, then tomorrow I’ll… I’ll…’ the sudden rage faded as quickly as it had appeared. ‘Lynel near Zora’s Domain,’ he recited. ‘Lizalfos near Lurelin… buncha fucking bokoblins and moblins and lizalfos and whatever else around Hateno Bay… maybe I’ll visit Robbie first, see if he can make me any more ancient arrows… then, Dueling Peaks at some point, of course, and B-Blatchery Plain… should probably check Hyrule Field as well, see if any of the Guardians have reactivated… the Castle too, at some point… no, in fact, what if the Divine Beasts –?’ Wild ran a shaky hand over his forehead. ‘Fuck, I’m tired.’ He plopped back down and curled into the blankets, eyes closing. ‘Please, Zelda, just… not now. Tomorrow. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.’

Zelda felt her eyes prickle. She lay down next to Wild, fingers winding their way through his dishevelled hair. ‘Tomorrow will be too late,’ she said softly. ‘It needs to be now.’

He didn’t respond, so eventually, she spoke again. ‘Just so you know,’ she said, ‘I’m going to melt the Master Sword down for cutlery.’

She felt him tense beside her. ‘And why is that?’

‘Zelda’s ground rules, item one: anyone or anything who hurts Wild will face my wrath. You remember those, right? It was just yesterday.’

Wild’s breathing hitched. ‘What, you really wanna make the next hero wield the Master Fork against the Calamity?’

‘How about a ladle then?’ she suggested sweetly. ‘You seem to do well enough with those.’

Wild snorted wetly. ‘Go hard or go home: Master Teaspoon. Master Lettuce Tongs. Master Rolling Pin – wait no, that last one sounds kinda dangerous. Zelda –’ He cut off abruptly, hand fisting in the covers. ‘I’m guessing Sky caught you up, or the sword did, or whatever. So you probably already know, but… something went wrong while I was in the Shrine. I’m not…’ His breathing caught. ‘I’m not who or what I was back then. Not who you tried to save. I wish I could be him, but I just can’t. Zelda, I’m so sorr–mrmph?!’

Wild’s eyes finally flashed open as Zelda shoved a hand over his mouth. ‘For the last danged time, I do not want to hear your apologies,’ she hissed. ‘Dash it all, you always do this.’

He stared at her uncomprehendingly and her ire only built. She slammed a fist on the mattress next to him. ‘See, here’s your problem, Wild: you give up at the worst times,’ she snapped. ‘You don’t give up when your body is covered in wounds and screaming at you to give up. You don’t give up when you’re fighting lynels or taluses or hinoxes or Guardians or gosh danged Calamity Ganon, you don’t give up after waking up with no memory and being told you have to go save the world. You never give on saving even a single traveller, you never give up on saving me but you always, always give up on you. And if you –’ The tears she had been holding back finally spilled over. ‘If you cared about yourself even a fraction of how much I care about you, then this is the time when you’d go out there and actually fight – not because you have to, but because it just might bring you a little bit of happiness.’ Taking advantage of Wild’s loosened grip, she snagged the covers and finally managed to yank them away, tossing them carelessly to the floor. ‘Get the frick out of bed, Wild,’ she demanded. ‘You can take a nap some other time, when you won’t regret it later.’

He sighed. ‘What do you want from me, Zelda? Who or what am I even supposed to fight here? It’s the Goddess making those portals, you know. What, you want me to go fistfight Hylia?’

‘Yes!’ she said emphatically.

That managed to grab his attention. ‘Oh? Is that right, Your Goddess-Descended Highness? You really ok with me punching your great-great-great-times-whatever grandmother?’

Zelda’s mind strayed inanely to the countless days she’d spent praying to a goddess who failed to respond even once. ‘Punch her twice,’ she suggested thoughtfully. ‘One for you and one for me. Or even better: just go through the dang portal. You didn’t even try, did you? I was watching. Do you even know for sure that it won’t work?’

His silence gave her all the answers she needed.

‘Then why the frigate are you just lying there feeling sorry for yourself right now?!’ she snapped. ‘Hot tip, Wild: you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. So, here’s the plan. Step one: I shove you bodily at the danged portal and we see if you manage to fall in. Step two: if that doesn’t work, punch Hylia until it does.’

‘…Can’t punch a goddess, Your Highness.’

‘Well, punch a Goddess Statue then!’ she yelled. ‘Heck, they’re made of rock, right? You can probably eat them. Bring your kitchenware, I’ll bring the Master Spork; I don’t give a flunk.’

Wild let out an involuntary snort. ‘Shit, you’re kinda selling me on this backup plan. Wonder what blasphemy tastes like, anyway?’

‘Can’t be the worst thing you’ve eaten,’ she said dismissively. ‘Or how about this, then? If you can’t get through that portal, then I’m taking you on a culinary tour. We’ll visit every town in Hyrule that has a Goddess Statue, and once you’re done taking a bite out of that, then we’ll go and get some actual food at the finest restaurant that settlement can offer. All you can eat. My shout.’

‘Bold of you to assume your wallet can handle my appetite.’

As if Zelda hadn’t thought of that one already. ‘We’ll visit the castle first, break open the vault and find some priceless family heirlooms to hawk. I’m fairly certain the Kokiri Emerald would cover at least a meal or two.’

He laughed again (her absolute favourite sound). ‘D-damn. How am I supposed to say no to that?’

‘Well, you should probably wait to hear what happens if the portal does let you through,’ she added primly.

His bright smile slipped. ‘And that is?’

‘Make me a cake when you get back,’ she replied. ‘Fruitcake, preferably, though I’ll accept your best alternative.’

‘…And that’s it?’

‘You’ll make me a cake, and you’ll ice a message on top,’ she clarified. ‘“Thank You, Zelda”. That’s what you’ll write.’ She glared down at him. ‘I don’t want your damn apologies. Now or ever. Not when it comes to the one thing that I will never, ever regret. So, if you feel so strongly about the matter that you need to keep bringing it up like that, then you can bake me a gratitude cake, and then you can say those words aloud to me in each and every language you know, then you can say it in sign too – heck, say it in military semaphore if you still remember how, that might be fun.’

‘I…’ Wild swallowed. ‘I forget how to do the “t”.’

‘Then you’d better study,’ she said loftily. ‘Now get the f-fuck out of bed, Wild.’

He actually cackled, and, more importantly: he finally let her yank him upright. She celebrated by throwing a spare hair tie directly at his nose, followed by his shoes at chest height once they made their way downstairs. Properly equipped at last, he tugged her into a sudden embrace, murmuring something indistinct and squeezing almost tight enough to hurt before pulling back and reaching for his Sheikah Slate.

Wild gave her a warm smile. ‘Count of three?’

Zelda grinned back. ‘Three… two… one…’


Zelda and Wild reappeared on the pedestal of the Rota Ooh Shrine, close to where Legend was busy restlessly pacing back and forth. ‘Fucking portals better get us back in time for Risa and Gaddison’s wedding or I’m slapping every deity I know in the damned face,’ he groused absently.

‘Hi,’ said Wild.

‘Hello,’ said Zelda.

‘Wh–’ Legend jolted. ‘When did you –?! Never mind. Flora: did you manage to get his shit together?’

‘Umm,’ said Wild.

‘As far as I can tell, his shit is temporarily together, yes,’ Zelda confirmed.

‘What she said,’ Wild agreed meekly.

Legend gave a quick thumbs up. ‘Then let’s get in the fucking portal already, I am not dealing with a forced shift today.’ He grabbed Wild’s right hand and started to pull him away from the shrine. Zelda felt Wild’s free hand snag hers.

They soon reached the others, Sky giving Zelda a grateful look and Wild a tentative smile, Time thrusting a bundle of supplies in Wild’s direction.

‘You alright, Wild?’ Warriors asked, clearly missing the memo about dealing with any outstanding questions later.

‘I… I’m good,’ Wild confirmed, swiftly stowing the supplies in his Sheikah Slate. He glanced sheepishly from face to face. ‘Umm. Sorry about that. About running away. Again, I mean. Look, I don’t know if you still want me, but –’

‘Oh, just get it over with already,’ Zelda snapped as she shoved Wild at the portal.

Anticlimactically, it worked exactly as a portal should, sending her best friend falling across time and space to Hylia only knows where. Ignoring the various alarmed gazes sent her way, Zelda dusted her hands of a job well done.

‘Erm,’ Sky began, ‘you know, we do try to enter in pairs or trios where possible, to avoid accidentally splitting up, and –’

‘Excellent! Good! The buddy system is a good idea!’ Zelda shouted, joining Sky’s hand with Warriors’s and shoving the two right after.

Four sighed. ‘Alright, I suppose. Then I guess we’ll – WIND, WHAT THE F–’

‘Buddy system, let’s go!’ Wind yelled as he clotheslined Four into the portal, the latter managing only the beginnings of an expletive before the two dissolved into the ether.

Legend shrugged. ‘C’mon ’Rule. Us next.’ He slung an arm around his successor’s shoulders and glanced back at his remaining companions. ‘Don’t leave us waiting, old man. Wolfie.’

Twilight startled forward, hands clutching the air Legend had disappeared from. ‘I – what did you just –’

‘Buddy system,’ Time reminded him cheerfully, slinging an arm around his protégé’s shoulders.

Before Zelda could think better of it, she reached out and grabbed Time’s wrist. He looked back towards her inquisitively.

She took a steadying breath. ‘I know your quest will be dangerous, and I know all too well how reckless, selfless and self-sacrificing Wild can be. I won’t ask you to make any unreasonable promises for his safety, but please just –’

‘I’ll care for him as best as I’m able,’ he vowed solemnly. ‘We all will.’

It was difficult to speak past the lump in her throat, so Zelda only nodded, giving a small wave before the remaining two heroes finally disappeared, along with the portal itself.

Alone at last, her shoulders slumped. ‘Be safe,’ she whispered.


The air tasted a little different. That was the first thing Wild noticed.

The colours were off as well, the greens of the leaves above seeming a little browner than he expected. The sky above had a slight dusky tone to it, though the sun was still high.

Wild sat up and looked around. He could tell he was in a forest, but that was about the limit of it. Automatically, he reached for his slate and opened the map, only to be confronted with blue and grey static.

‘Oof!’ said Sky as he and Warriors dropped to the ground a few metres away.

Wild’s head whipped towards them in surprise. ‘Huh?!’

‘–UCK ARE YOU DOING?!’ Four shouted a moment later as he and Wind fell directly on top of Wild. Four immediately groaned and rolled away, looking rather nauseous.

‘Huh,’ said Wind. ‘That was a better landing than usual.’ He glanced down. ‘Oh. Hey, Wild! Sorry to drop in on you like that.’

‘Uhh… that’s ok?’ Wild replied confusedly. Thankfully, the next arrival removed the need for further comment.

‘Did you see his fucking face?!’ Legend crowed, cackling madly as he and Hyrule fell in a graceless pile of limbs.

‘Be nice,’ Hyrule scolded, as if he wasn’t also smirking.

‘Forest, again?’ Warriors remarked, already taking stock. ‘This doesn’t feel like my world, for what it’s worth. Does seem familiar though… Twilight’s era, maybe?’

‘I think so too,’ Hyrule agreed, wrinkling his nose slightly.

Twilight and Time managed, impressively, to land on their feet, though the latter wobbled dangerously. Twilight himself took one look around and swiftly confirmed, ‘My Hyrule. Faron Woods from the look of things. Everyone ok?’ A chorus of assent greeted him. ‘Wild? You good?’ Twilight added, addressing the one person who hadn’t responded.

‘Yep, I’m good,’ he said simply.

Wild was, in fact, more than good. Wild was fucking fantastic. Wild was going to bake Princess Zelda the best fucking cake she had ever seen. He giggled as he grabbed both Wind and Four and yanked them into a tight embrace, the latter whining slightly but still weakly gripping back.

‘Group hug?’ Wild proposed giddily.

‘GROUP FUCKING HUG!’ Wind yelled in response, and Wild was swiftly swarmed. He laughed and squeezed tighter as eight heroes gripped back, obnoxiously ruffling his hair one by one until, inevitably, it fell out of its neat and tidy ponytail.

He knew it couldn’t last forever, but Wild was still mildly disappointed when the group hug eventually broke apart. As if sensing his mood, Time tugged him into one last embrace. ‘Welcome the team, Wild,’ he said fondly.

Wild grinned back. ‘It’s good to be here.’

Series this work belongs to: