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Caleb is glaring at Adam, and despite everything Adam is feeling, he glares back. Each man knows that they’re one wrong word away from tears, but nothing stops them.
“I don’t even know what you’re angry about! I just went out to coffee with Sadie!” Caleb rolls his eyes.
Adam huffs out a sarcastic laugh. “After I told you I wanted to do something with you. After I told you that for just today I didn’t want to be a second thought, a second choice. For one day, Caleb! Just the one, and you go out with your friend instead of staying here with your boyfriend!”
“You were still asleep, Adam. It’s not my fault that when I left you were asleep. Besides, what would we have done? The same things we always do? Talk while doing dishes. Sit in silence while we fold laundry? Watch a movie and pretend that this is as easy as it was when we were teenagers?
“Newsflash, Adam: It’s not that easy anymore. We’re adults now. We have jobs and other friends and other groups of friends. It’s not my fault you don’t see that!” Caleb huffs.
A scoff tumbles out of Adam’s lips before he can stop it. “Maybe you have friends, Caleb. Caitlin is off in Italy to celebrate her latest case win and that’s the only friend of mine that you don’t also have. It’s frustrating, Caleb! I don’t feel like I can be around your friends without you. I’ve never made friends easily, you know that. Think back to high school, for me. How many people did I talk to then?”
Silence from both Adam and Caleb. Adam, waiting for Caleb to answer, and Caleb not wanting to answer. “That doesn’t mean you need to be angry with me for having my own friends,” Caleb finally huffs.
“No, Caleb! I have a right to be angry. We had plans and you left me without telling me, without remembering our plans. Our domestic lifestyle where we can be comfortably silent around each other may mean nothing to you, but it is everything to me. So yeah, if you don’t think I should be angry, then maybe I should just leave.”
And with that, Adam grabs the car keys and marches out of their shared house. How dare he put all the blame on me. It’s not easy to make friends as an adult. Not when I work alone. Not when I don’t have to communicate with peers or even leave the house. We actually made plans today, and he left without a second thought.
The conversation from earlier makes its way into Adam’s head as he drives. He doesn’t know particularly where he’s going, he just needs to take a breath.
“Besides, what would we have done? The same things we always do? Talk while doing dishes. Sit in silence while we fold laundry? Watch a movie and pretend that this is as easy as it was when we were teenagers?”
Unsaid rebuttals flood Adam’s head. Yes, we do do those things, but those aren’t planned dates. We do those because we love each other, we like that we can do mundane shit without thought. That we can sit in silence and be completely comfortable with each other. I had a plan for today, and you left! You left me and you let our lunch reservation pass without so much as a text. I just wanted a nice date, I wanted to surprise you and show you how much you mean to me.
A sob wants to escape from Adam’s chest, but he won’t let it. Like Caleb said earlier: they aren’t teenagers anymore. Instead of letting the tears escape, he grips the steering wheel tighter and grits his teeth together and just keeps driving; keeps taking random turns, keeps letting his thoughts flow with the lines on the road.
Before he knows it, he’s halfway to his parents’ house. Before he knows it, his anger fades into a hurt. He hasn’t looked at his phone the entire time, but it has been ringing for about 30 minutes now. Adam doesn’t want to talk to Caleb, doesn’t want to feel the anger again, nor make the hurt hurt worse. Still, he takes the next exit, pulls into a motel parking lot, and takes his phone out.
Be home in an hour or so.
It’s all he texts Caleb; it’s a way to let him know that he is okay. Adam wants to say more. Wants to say There better be an apology waiting or How will you make this up to me? But he doesn’t say that. He will have to accept whatever is waiting for him back at home. And if that’s the silent treatment, then Adam may have to pack his things up and leave. And that will be the consequence of Caleb’s actions. And it will hurt even worse than it’s hurting now.
Adam’s phone pings with a response, but he doesn’t look. He just puts the car in drive once again, and heads back to the interstate, going back the way he came. Back to Caleb. Back to his real home. Or so he still hopes.
***
Adam pulls into the driveway. He doesn’t know what he is expecting, he doesn’t want to make assumptions, but he still was expecting something . Maybe Caleb standing outside on their porch with flowers or even having the porch light on to show Adam that someone is home. Instead, there is nothing. It is silent and the sun is going down. The pinks and oranges of the sky do not create the sorrowful atmosphere Adam is feeling. He wishes it were like books or movies where the sky would follow his mood. Where it would be drizzling now, but with the possibility of a rainbow upon receiving an apology. Instead, the sky is glorious, and Adam is feeling anything but.
Adam lets a breath escape him and opens the front door. The smell of freshly made food assaults his nose and he takes a step further in, looking around for Caleb or food or the absence of either; the possibility that Caleb left Adam alone to wallow in his pity.
But, Caleb is there. The living room furniture is rearranged to create a wide open space on the floor, where a picnic blanket is laid out with a spread of food and sparkling cider ready to be opened. The TV is on, but playing gentle nature sounds. A guilty-looking Caleb is in the center of it all, holding a bouquet. It wasn’t the prettiest, nor the most coherent, but Adam knew each flower was picked for a reason. There were purple and blue hyacinths representing regret and sincerity, asters as a symbol of love, baby’s breath for everlasting love, and forget-me-nots which show memories of true love and a wish for the giver to not be forgotten.
For all that went wrong, for Caleb leaving to get coffee and missing out on reservations to go out, this apology was more than enough for Adam. Caleb made dinner for them, set up a romantic setting that is perfect for the two of them without the fear and anxiousness of bystanders, and he did research on the language of flowers, just to show Adam that he does care and he is sincerely sorry.
“I think we’re going to be okay,” Adam whispers as he tucks himself into his boyfriend’s frame. “If this is how you’re going to make it up to me every time, maybe you should piss me off more often,”
Caleb just huffs a sigh and shakes his head, nose buried in Adam’s hair. “No, I don’t like fighting. I don’t like you leaving, especially knowing that I was fully in the wrong. I’m sorry and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m going to fight with every part of my being to show you that I am worthy of your love.”