Archive of Our Own ^beta

The video on the screen on his computer changed, autoplay pausing to ask ‘are you still watching? ’ as no one paid attention to the screen. Younghoon had stopped watching about twenty minutes ago; Chanhee around the same time as him.

It was quiet. Comfortable. Everything that was to be expected of the two boyfriends who had been dating for a couple of months by now. They didn’t need to bridge the silence with empty conversation. They could simply stay in each other’s company, coexisting peacefully, while still being completely enamored by each other from time to time.

At least that’s how Younghoon felt.

He swiped through the chats on his phone; most of them were silent at this hour of night. Except for one group chat which kept popping up at the top of his screen, but Younghoon didn’t have the energy to participate in whatever his friends were debating about now. He pushed the notification away with a finger and continued scrolling down mindlessly.

Choi Chanhee, the man who was sitting beside him, leaned forward. He scrunched his body tighter, pulling his knees up to his chest in a bid to get comfortable. Younghoon saw him from the corner of his eye but paid him no special attention.

Choi Chanhee. The boy he was in love with.

Younghoon hadn’t decided when infatuation blossomed into love. It could’ve been before they started dating; when Chanhee would bat away his attention in a blink of his eyelashes. Younghoon had never been one to give up. He persistently bothered Chanhee with terrible pick-up lines and jokes. Even when the crack of a smile on Chanhee’s face was quickly replaced with a smack on his arm, Younghoon knew that he was breaking down those walls around him. Over time, it worked.

It could’ve been when he caught Chanhee crying in his bed one night. When Younghoon insisted on Chanhee telling him why he was scared, after minutes of Chanhee telling him ‘it’s fine, really. It’s no big deal’ Chanhee came out to him as gay. He said he was scared of what other people would think of him. His family. The fans. 

‘You don’t have to worry about a thing. You will have people who will love you anyway.’

‘But some won’t.’ Chanhee sobbed quietly in the lapel of his jacket. Younghoon took him by his shoulders and carefully peeled him away from his body.

‘Then they’re not worth it. They’re not worth a single tear from your eyes. Don’t cry over people who don’t deserve you.’

Yes, that might have been the moment.

Or it could’ve been the present moment. Chanhee opened the front screen camera on his phone to take pictures. Younghoon’s attention was only drawn away from his own phone by the sound of a camera clicking coming from his side.

He was perfect.

No make-up, hair untouched. In grey sweatpants and one of his boyfriend’s hoodies that he never promised to return after wearing it once a couple of days ago. He looked comfortable, soft. He looked like home to Younghoon.

His gaze lay on Chanhee a little longer. Chanhee not realizing that he had his boyfriend’s undiverted attention as he continued to take pictures. The angle of his head changed slightly, trying to get his jawline right.

‘If I don’t take it from this angle, my face looks puffy.’ Chanhee complained. 

Younghoon stared at him with honest eyes. ‘You look beautiful from all angles, babe.’

Chanhee continued to take his pictures as Younghoon angled his phone towards him.

These types of videos were his favorite.

The candid type. The ones which caught Chanhee off guard. They showed, earnestly, just how perfect he could be at any moment. He didn’t need make-up or his hair styled to look spectacular, though those things did add to his appearance on and off stage and Younghoon loved him then, too.

But he liked Chanhee best like this. Unassuming, in his natural state. Completely unaware of just how tightly he had Younghoon wrapped around those little fingers of his, not knowing that Younghoon loved him more than anything else in the world.

Unassuming. Uncomplicated. Chanhee.

Chanhee’s phone clicked at the sound of him taking another picture and Younghoon hit the record button. He stayed quiet, watching Chanhee through the screen of his phone instead of with his own eyes despite him being sixty centimeters in front of him. Sometimes it was like living in a dream, he just couldn’t believe that this person in front of him was the love of his life. How he had managed to be so lucky to find the one for him, so easily in fact. So close to home.

Chanhee took another picture. Blinking once the screen refreshed and suddenly he realized he was being watched by Younghoon. He turned his head.

Younghoon froze. His heart both simultaneously stopping and also beating out of his chest. He knew he wasn’t in trouble, the slight smile gracing Chanhee’s lips told him that his boyfriend found it amusing if anything. But it was that smile that broke him. The sudden shyness. Lips creeping up at the corners as he twitched to keep them down. It was a side of Chanhee he loved to see; the humble man who could be caught off guard.

His breath faltered as he realized Chanhee was staring back at him through his phone. He moved the camera to follow Chanhee’s expression before nervous laughter resounded from his chest to cover his impending anxiety.

He was so in love with Choi Chanhee. He needed him to know that.

“What?” Chanhee muttered. His voice was low and tired in keeping with how late it was.

Younghoon wasn’t even sure how it became to be almost daybreak. They had practiced all day and all night, calling it quits at some early hour of the morning. Chanhee had said he was too awake to sleep, so Younghoon suggested watching videos until eventually they both grew tired enough, yet here they still were.

Chanhee smiled. The same shy smile he had when Younghoon finally plucked up the courage to ask him out. The same heart fluttering, butterfly-inducing curve of his lips which made Younghoon go crazy and want to kiss every part of his face. 

His heart began to palpitate in his chest and his head felt dizzy. The quiet shyness from his boyfriend had his brain shutting down and tunnel vision forming.

“Turn it off,” Chanhee warned. There was no harshness to his voice, it was merely a suggestion on which he hoped Younghoon would act upon shortly. Chanhee hummed tiredly through his nose as he brought a hand up to cover his bare face. The gentle laugh which accompanied him made Younghoon’s breath stutter through his nose as he realized this was real.

Everything, all of it. Chanhee. Them. How he felt about him. Everything was suddenly feeling so real, Younghoon barely could find the words for it.

Younghoon finally peeled his eyes off the screen of his phone and laid them directly onto Chanhee.

Chanhee dropped his phone to the bed. Younghoon’s bed, which they were both curled up upon comfortably. He was so within reaching distance that all it would take was five seconds for Younghoon to pull him onto his lap and kiss him breathless if he wanted to. Lord knows how he wanted to, but he felt frozen in time right now.

“Turn it off, please,” Chanhee said again. This time Younghoon did as he was told. That eleven-second video ended - the only thing saving Younghoon from spilling every word and thought out of his head.

Chanhee turned his attention back to the computer screen. Younghoon knew he wasn’t interested in what was on, Chanhee was simply trying to hide the fact that he was embarrassed that Younghoon caught him taking selfies so shamelessly.

He raised his sweater-covered fingers to his face, hiding the slight blush on his cheeks as he began to chew on his nails. Younghoon’s heart couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hey.” Younghoon found himself calling out. He sounded much more tired than Chanhee did just before, his voice even deeper than usual as Chanhee glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

“I love you.” 

Chanhee paused. A flicker in his eyes as he looked back to the screen, the moment before the reality of those words set in. When they did his chest stopped moving. His eyes widened slightly as he turned to look at Younghoon.

“What did you say?” He wanted to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating something in his sleep-deprived state.

“I said I love you,” Younghoon repeated without hesitation. His throat ran dry but his heart remained steady and strong as he said those three words again.

Chanhee shifted in his spot on the bed. Turning his body to face his boyfriend. “Younghoon, I-”

“You don’t have to say it back.” He said. “I just wanted you to know.” 

And he was telling the truth. He didn’t care if Chanhee said it back or not. Younghoon loved him hopelessly, deliriously, until his last dying breath he knew that he would love this man in front of him. It was a completely selfless love. One that he knew would be difficult to match if Chanhee could ever return it.

Chanhee’s expression softened. The bags under his eyes were heavy, sleep beckoned for his body yet his mind remained active. Younghoon dropped his phone onto his lap as Chanhee crawled towards him.

“How long have you felt like this?” 

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. If Younghoon was to trace back the first moment he felt a flicker of love for Chanhee, they would be here until the moon came up and set again. “Maybe weeks. Maybe hours. Maybe just a couple of minutes.”

Chanhee watched him intently to seek out the truth in him, but the honesty was there in his words. Chanhee gently leaned forward to capture Younghoon’s cheeks in his hands.

The mixture of fabric and skin made it real. He had just told Chanhee he loved him. He couldn’t feel a single ounce of regret in his body, not one, as Chanhee’s brows furrowed and his bottom lip quivered.

“Just every time I look at you I feel the need to say it. So I did.” He mumbled. With each passing second sleep summoned for him more and more.

“Younghoon,” Chanhee murmured. It was barely captured in a whisper of his breath as he caught Younghoon’s lips with his own. It was slow, lazy. A dry kiss with no power behind it as both of them feared if they closed their eyes for too long that slumber would take them away from this sweet moment.

Chanhee parted from him, his thumb caressing over Younghoon’s cheekbone as he sighed. “I love you too.” 

“You do?” The response left Younghoon’s mouth quicker than they could both comprehend. It took Chanhee nearly five seconds to start chuckling at it. His chest rising and falling as he captured his breath.

“I do. Really. I mean it.” 

Their eyes connected for what seemed like an eternity. Younghoon could count the eyelashes on each of Chanhee’s eyes if he wanted. He could trace the detail of his pores and the shape of his eyebrows. Every little thing which made Chanhee perfect. Every little thing which made Chanhee him . 

Chanhee let out a sleepy sigh as he settled into his boyfriend’s lap.

“Now delete the video.” He grumbled. His fingers still lay caressing Younghoon’s face as his eyes scanned over his body. Younghoon didn’t know he was quietly searching for his cell phone.

“No,” Younghoon rejected. He languidly wrapped his arms around Chanhee’s body, pulling him in snuggly until their hearts met between their chests. 

It was comfortable. It was home.

With no fight in his voice or actions, Chanhee rested his head in the crevice of Younghoon’s neck. Steadily breathing against his skin as he let his wrists fall over Younghoon’s shoulders.

“Why not?” 

“Because.” Younghoon shrugged. It made Chanhee fidget slightly as he readjusted himself for comfort. Finding the perfect position to meld their bodies together as sleep truly began to set in for the both of them. 

“I wanna keep it. It’ll remind me of this moment. And I want to remember this moment with you forever.”