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I was standing up there again, just looking over the edge of my high school building. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t bring myself to do it, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I stood on the edge my toes hanging slightly over the edge. Just one step, it’d all be over.
There was no one left who cared for me anyways. I was going to make a lousy hero. I couldn’t even save a person without getting angry at them. I wasn’t even able to pass the exam for the provincial license. I couldn’t do anything. There was nothing left for me. I suppose I had a few friends who would care, but the one that I actually cared about didn’t notice me like I noticed him.
One of my feet stepped, but I couldn’t put my weight on it. I put it back on the ledge. Maybe if I found out how he felt first. If he rejects me, I come back up here and try again. If he wants me, I have one thing to live for. Yeah. I stepped back from the ledge and went back into the building.
“Ay Bakugou,” Kirishima ran up to me as I walked down the stairs, “what were you doing up there?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t think we’re supposed to go up there.”
“Then they shouldn’t leave it unlocked should they?” Why was I being like this? You want him to like you, being an arse isn’t going to help. I pushed past him. “I’m going back to the dorms.”
Kirishima looked confused, but he followed behind me.
We got back to the dorms not long after. We were silent the whole walk back. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a coward I was. Even if I did jump, I’d probably get scared and block my fall by exploding myself back up. It wouldn’t work.
We sat down on the couch. I put my elbows on my knees and folded my hands together. Kirishima sprawled himself out taking up two spaces on the couch.
“Kirishima?”
“Yeah what is it Bakugou?” he asked kindly, giving me a smile.
I looked up at him and felt myself freeze. “Um…” I felt my stomach flip. I didn’t even have the courage to ask him how he felt. “Nevermind, I’m going to my dorm.”
He looked confused again.
I closed the door behind me and sat on my floor leaning against my bed. I might not have been able to jump, but I can still hurt. I earned that much. I reached for the box under my bed and pulled out a razor. Lifting up my sleeve I saw the scars from the last few times. I sighed. I earned this. I shut my eyes tight as the blade moved across my forearm.
I heard a knock on the door, but they didn’t wait to come in. I forgot to lock the door, shit. “Ay Bakugou, I don’t know what’s going on you just seemed a little,” Kirishima walked in, “Bakugou!” He rushed over to me and slapped the razor out of my hand. “Shit, uh.” He scanned the room and got up, bringing over a box of tissues. He sat by my side and took my arm putting a tissue over to stop the bleeding. He didn’t say anything. Why wasn’t he getting mad at me? He should be saying something. All he did was care for the open wound. He managed to get it to stop bleeding after a moment. “Common, let's go get this cleaned up.” He stood up and reached out his hand to help me up. He didn’t let go of my hand as we walked. I wanted to pull away but I didn’t. What if someone saw us holding hands? We walked to the bathroom, and Kirishima started the water in the sink. I held my arm under it as Kirishima put some soap on his hands and began rubbing it around the cut. It stung a little, but I didn’t flinch. He rinsed it off, and it looked a lot better.
“There,” he said.
I dried my arm off with a paper towel. “Thanks…”
We walked back to my room. “Do you want me to stay for a while?” he asked when we got to my door. I nodded. We walked into my room and closed the door.
I felt myself burning up and I tried to swallow back the tears that I felt coming up. I took deep breaths, it wasn’t helping. Kirishima put the razor back into the box and slid it under my bed. Finally, I started to sob. Kirishima came over and held me as I cried into his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” I said. His hand moved up to the back of my head tenderly holding on to me. “I… I wanted to jump.”
“What?” he asked pulling back to see my face.
I sniffed back my tears. “When I was on the roof, I was trying to jump…” I admitted. “But, I couldn’t.”
“Bakugou…”
He pulled my head down and kissed my forehead kindly, softly.
“I have nothing left… my family doesn’t care about me… I’m a lousy hero… I can’t even admit to the person I like that I like them, I’m too scared they’ll reject me… then I will have the confidence to jump…” A tear ran down my face. Kirishima wiped it away.
“You have me,” he said.
“Not the way I want you,” I admitted.
“What does that mean?”
I let out a small laugh, and pulled the collar of his hoodie, and forced our lips together. I pulled back again. He looked confused but leaned back in. I put my hand over his lips. “Not out of sympathy, I will not be pitied.” We were still standing so close. I felt my arm burning a little.
My hand moved away from Kirishima’s face and I felt him grab it in his hand. He then reached for my other hand and held both in his. “Bakugou…” he said leaning his face in a little nudging my face to look up at him. “Bakugou, I’m in love with you.” He wasn’t lying.
He placed a tender kiss on my lips then pulled away. “Stay with me?” I asked. He nodded.
We laid down on my bed and curled up in a blanket. Kirishima held me close holding my hand in his as I used his chest as a pillow. There you go Katsuki, I told myself. Something… someone to live for. I smiled to myself as I pulled myself closer to Kirishima. I closed my eyes and fell asleep in his arms.