Chapter Text
He was breathing. He had his face mashed into the rough bark of a tree that was slightly on fire just right of his face, and there was smoke in his eyes and in his throat, but he was breathing. He shifted to support his own weight and Alyx said “oh good you’re alive!” and kept firing. He couldn’t really move without pushing her out of cover so he stayed where he was, pinned between her and the tree, and fumbled for his backup pistol. Alyx had the right so he inched towards the left. He wasn’t as good shooting with his left hand but he could do it.
He caught slight movement, leaned out, fired straight into the mask of an Overwatch soldier and felt a stray bolt singe his hair, ducked back. That was at least a couple down, right? They were still outnumbered. Also, the tree was on fire, and they had the strider—it was programmed to fire at movement and seemed to have been momentarily confused by them hiding, but once Overwatch managed to direct it in the right direction they’d be toast. Alyx took a moment to rest against his back, coughing.
There were worse ways to die, he thought.
He leaned out just in time to see an Overwatch soldier get knocked facedown by a shot from behind. For a brief moment his eyes met Kovak’s, then he realized there were still soldiers up and ducked back under cover, grinning.
“Cavalry’s here,” he said, reaching back to the arm Alyx had rested against his side and squeezing it.
A moment later he heard the rocket launcher fire and a thudding whistle of pain from the strider. The ground shook as it moved. Poking his head out, he saw they were down to two soldiers; one, facing away from him, he shot in the back of the head. The other dropped a moment later. And then he was free to look at the strider.
Gordon was kneeling on the hillside, watching it march towards him. Move, Barney hissed at him. No, the idiot was going to try to shoot it again first—he held steady until just after he’d fired, then immediately rolled to the side, not waiting to see the rocket connect; the strider fired, narrowly missing him, and the shock sent him spinning down the hill. Barney ran closer and fired up at the strider’s legs, aiming for the soft joints; he wouldn’t bring it down but he might be able to distract it enough to buy Gordon some time. There was a rattle of gunfire as the others joined in. The strider stamped, swayed around a bit—they were getting to it—then began firing wildly. A tree came crashing down. Gordon slid to a stop in a shower of wet leaves, adjusted his glasses, and loaded another rocket.
“Barney, move!” Alyx yelled suddenly, and he looked around wildly for the threat. They’d taken care of Overwatch, and the strider’s legs weren’t anywhere near him. It was still facing away from him. What—?
Given the amount of barnacles and headhumpers he’d had to deal with he was surprised he hadn’t gotten better about looking up for threats, but it was still the last direction he looked, and by the time he noticed there was another tree falling and this one was coming straight towards him it was a bit late. He froze. God, what a stupid way to die.
Alyx slammed into him, knocking him to the side, and the tree hit them both a moment later.
The crashing stopped. It was dark. He heard the strider wail again with a sound that went right to his bones, so he wasn’t dead yet. But he couldn’t breathe. He struggled against the weight on his chest and heard Alyx make a strangled sound. Shit. Could he get out of her way? He was pinned pretty well. He wriggled his body deeper into the earth, hugging the depressions in the ground, and tried to reach the clasps on his vest. “Alyx? Alyx, can you help me get my vest off?”
He felt her reach up, scrabble against his sides, heard something click. He held his breath and wriggled out of the vest. Without its bulk he was able to move better. He pressed close to the earth and passed his hands over Alyx’s back. She was gasping for air.
“Are you hurt?”
“Hmnn. Don’t... think so. Not bad.”
“Good.” His hand found the branch pressed across her back. It was slanted up at one end—the pressure was less in that direction, he scooted them over and she sighed in relief. Then they just took a moment to breathe.
There was another crash, this time further away, and the strider’s final cry died out slowly. They were safe. …Aside for the tree situation, they were safe.
Alyx mumbled something, voice lost in his chest.
“What?”
“I can hear your heartbeat.”
Right. There were only a few layers of fabric between them. He could actually feel her body pressed against his. That shouldn’t feel so unusual, but it was. He lay and felt the movement of her ribs as she breathed in and out.
“Barney, Alyx??”
Oh right people were worried about them.
“Kovak?”
He’d wriggled halfway out of the tangle of branches by the time she reached him and hauled him onto his feet. Then he dug through the mess and helped Alyx out, much easier now that at least one person was out of the way. He was brushing pine needles off her when Gordon reached them and dragged both of them into a hug, and when he’d recovered from the shock of having the HEV suit slammed into him, it was nice to have his arms wrapped around both of them; Alyx rested her head on Gordon’s shoulder but she still had one hand on his back, and Gordon had looped an arm around his waist. Yeah. It was nice. Actually, it was a little too nice, because it lasted a couple seconds longer than he felt was appropriate and he started to second-guess everything, and backed out with an awkward simultaneous back pat for each of them.
Kovak had dug his vest out of the branches and handed it to him. He thanked her and automatically started to strap it back on, then realized that Gordon was staring at him.
“What, I got pine needles in my hair?” he asked.
Gordon touched the charred spot where the bolt had hit him, then yanked him into a tight hug.
“Woah, hey, I’m okay.” Barney patted the HEV suit. “Combine armor’s pretty good. Unfortunately.”
Alyx and Gordon removed one glove each and held hands the whole walk back, which was so cute it was almost sickening. He could have walked in front of them to avoid seeing it, but he liked the view better from back here, if he was being honest. He figured he could afford just a little honesty after the amount of near-death experiences he’d had today. He was tired. The whole “Combine troops right at our doorstep” issue could wait until tomorrow, other people were on that for now, and he was going to go home, wash off, get into some clothes that weren’t full of dirt and bark and pine needles, and get some sleep.
He had seen Alyx a few times in the last couple years before Gordon came back, despite his expectations. She was usually in and out very quickly, trying to keep a low profile, and hanging out with a CP officer was hardly a good idea, but she kept seeking him out anyway. Their first meeting was about as awkward as his reunion with Gordon had been, and like with Gordon he’d defaulted to a casual friendliness that kept her at arm’s length. Ideally. He might not have been great at it. He asked if she had a boyfriend and she smiled.
“No, but the position’s open, if you’re interested.”
“Nah, I think you can do better than me. Thanks for the offer.” He’d sort of assumed that she only liked him because she didn’t know many guys her own age, there hadn’t been many children with the Resistance when it first started, and most of the rest of her generation had grown up under Combine rule. More and more were joining the Resistance now, though, and even before a magically ageless Gordon had reappeared Barney guessed she shouldn’t have too much trouble finding someone better suited to her. But she didn’t seem convinced.
“I’m not sure I can.”
“Sure you can,” said Barney, “Just look around.”
Alyx blinked sarcastically at him and gave Kleiner’s empty lab a slow sweep. “Lamarr?”
“Okay, you know what I meant.”
“Lamarr, will you be my boyfriend?” she lifted Lamarr onto its hind legs, holding its front claws. Barney cringed a little as she happily rocked the creature back and forth. “Let’s go dancing, Lamarr.”
“Be warned, she gives really gross sloppy kisses.”
“I’ll bet. Seriously though, position’s open if you change your mind.”
“Thanks. I won’t.” He’s pretty sure he was going to say something else but Lamarr chose that moment to launch herself directly at his face and he had to focus on prying her off without hurting her, because Kleiner (and Alyx apparently) would be inconsolable if something happened to the poor sweet little homicidal facehugger.
One of the last times he saw her, he somehow both barely remembered and couldn’t forget. He was up late, cleaning his guns. He was very drunk. He talked to himself, he couldn’t remember about what, and at some point Alyx started answering, and he just sort of accepted it. Then he reached for the bottle of vodka that should be on the table and it wasn’t where he’d put it, and he looked up in confusion and Alyx was, in fact, sitting across the table from him.
“Alyx. You’re here?”
“Nope, I’ve been a ghost this whole time.”
“Haha. Don’t joke about that.”
He disassembled his pulse rifle. Halfway through he remembered he’d already done this one. …twice? How long had he been here?
Alyx was standing next to him suddenly, hand on the back of his chair.
“You’re done, Barney, you got all of them, I watched you.” She took the pieces of the gun away from him, reassembled them and set it on the table.
“How’d you get in here?”
“I have a way with locks. C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”
He rested his head against her chest, and she combed a hand through his hair, then perched on his lap and put her arms around him. He leaned into her, breathing in her smell. She certainly felt real.
She started to get up and the cold air took her place.
“Don’t go?”
“I’m not, come on, get up.”
She guided him over to his bed and got him to lay down. For a while she was laying next to him, he thought, holding his hand, then she was waking him up with a kiss on the forehead, saying she had to go. He had no idea what time it was then or how she disappeared, but the sheets still smelled like her in the morning so it wasn’t his imagination.
He really thought she’d get over it once she’d actually gotten to know him (especially after that). But she didn’t seem to be, and he was starting to hope she wouldn’t, and wonder about asking if that position was still open, but then Gordon came back and honestly it was probably for the best. They were so happy together. Both of them.
It felt like some sort of cosmic joke that he couldn’t even make up his mind which of them he was more jealous of. The two of them just had the best relationship and he was far more invested in it than was probably healthy.
Well. They didn’t need him. Either of them.
They got back to base—all things considered a pretty triumphant return, they hadn’t lost anyone and the Combine wasn’t right on their tail, at least not at the moment—and he made a beeline for the showers. He’d got bark down the back of his shirt in the tree incident and it had been slowly working its way down all the layers of his clothing to irritate him in as many places as possible ever since. Washing off felt about as close to heaven as he thought he was likely to get out here.
He noticed when Alyx also came in and then he very carefully did not notice anything else about her because he was very much not looking at her, he was politely looking in a completely different direction, he wasn’t even thinking about her undressing and brushing off the bark and getting into one of the other showers to wash off nope definitely not on an unrelated note he needed to leave immediately—
“Barney?”
Oh God she was right behind him??
“Yeah?” he whipped a towel around his waist and turned.
She’d taken off her jacket and hoodie and was down to a black t-shirt. She looked completely exhausted as she slowly unwound her wrist wrap and tucked the fabric into a pocket.
“So, this is kind of weird,” she smiled faintly, “can you help me undress? I’m pretty sore,” she worked her arms forward and winced.
“Um.” Right, the tree, she’d had the worst of it. “Okay.” This was fine. They were friends. He could be cool about this.
He helped her off with her shirt—she hissed slightly as she raised her arms. Underneath she was wearing a dark red sport bra. He hooked his fingers under the band and pulled it up so she could wiggle out without too much movement. He honestly planned to not look at her but it was kind of hard not to.
She folded up the bra with her other clothes, sighing in relief, breasts shifting slightly with the movement of her arms now that they were no longer pressed down. He hadn’t realized what a difference the bra made, shape-wise; it made sense she’d want them held firmly in place with all the jumping around she did, but they looked much larger and softer with it gone and for some reason he hadn’t been expecting that. Dark areolas with a faint dusting of hair. Perfect size to cup in his hands.
He slipped her headband off and handed it to her, trying to keep his eyes above her neck.
“Oh, thanks.” She slipped off her jeans and got in the shower.
Great. Perfect chance for him to leave.
“Do, uh—do you need help washing your back?”
“Oh, please.”
He could see where the branch had struck her, leaving red welts even through three layers of fabric. It’d develop into a nasty bruise. He cleaned it carefully, making sure there was no dirt worked into the scrapes, trying not to hurt her more than necessary. He seemed to be doing alright, she leaned into the touch as he worked up to her shoulders, where she wasn’t as sore, but where it might still be hard for her to reach.
Someone else should be doing this. Like Gordon, obviously. Or one of the other women. Definitely not him. But there he was, gently pulling bark out of her hair and watching the water wash it down her back.
“Barney?”
“Huh?”
“Are you okay?” she turned to face him and took his hands in hers. “You’re shaking.”
The warm tan of her skin shone through the water.
“I…sorry,” he mumbled, and fled. He was a bit surprised he didn’t slip and crack his skull on the way out, but somehow he ended up in his clothes, heading back to their room (oh dear God he forgot, the room they all shared), too dazed to think through any of this. He fumbled the door open, went straight to the mattress, (desperately not looking at Gordon) and collapsed into it facedown.
He felt Gordon sitting up next to him. “You okay?”
He didn’t answer, willing himself to pass out and forget everything. It didn’t happen, much as he tried. He kept trying. Sooner or later. He refused to think about this tonight, he was going to lose consciousness, goodbye.
He heard the door open behind him, then Alyx’s voice, low and pleased with herself. “Hey.”
“Hey,” said Gordon, and he felt the mattress shift as he got up and walked over to her.
“Is he asleep?”
“I think so.”
“Ah, lovely. Guess what I just did?”
“What?”
“I asked him to help me take a shower because I’m sore from getting hit with an entire tree saving his life.”
“Alyx. That’s brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Hey, I don’t think it would have worked for you, I had to guilt him about the tree thing.”
“Oh, is that what it takes? Because I’ll do that. I can get crushed by a tree with the best of them. Let’s go find a tree. Do you think the gravity gun can knock one down?”
“I doubt it—well, hm, maybe if we overcharge it… Mossman would not be happy about that.”
“She wouldn’t. Wait, did you actually get him into the shower with you?”
“Yes.”
“No!”
“Not for long, but, yes.”
“What!”
“Oh he was very polite. He brought a towel.”
“Motherfucker.”
“Right?”
“Still, how on earth did you—? It’s the boobs. You have an unfair advantage.”
“Ha-ha, the irresistible power of the tiddies. Seriously though I think it was the guilt trip. You should’ve seen him, he was so uncomfortable. I kinda felt bad for him.”
“Don’t, he deserves it.”
“Does he? I’m not trying again, I think it’d mess him up too much.”
“Oh he’ll be fine.”
“I dunno, I’m getting tired of the masquerade. I think you should just tell him.”
“Alyx it doesn’t count if you tell someone you’re trying to seduce them. That’s the polar opposite of seduction.”
“I don’t think it’s going to work, though. He’s too busy being honorable and not interfering in a relationship he doesn’t think he should be part of. And, uh. You’re not subtle.”
“Bet?”
“Is this a pride thing? You need to psychologically destroy him before you take him back?”
“I need to make sure he regrets what he did. Anyways, he made me cry, and I don’t cry easily, so frankly I think I’m justified—”
“Yeah I’m calling bullshit on that, you cried when I was switching DOG’s feet out.”
“Wha—no I—that was—I just teared up, that’s not the same thing. Alyx he didn’t have any legs!”
“He was fine! I was doing routine maintenance! Do you cry when you trim your beard? I explained to you beforehand that it wouldn’t hurt him!”
“But he couldn’t walk!”
“Oh my God they were off for half an hour and you choked up like he was dying.”
“Oh hush.” Gordon sighed. “Anyways. You’ve made more progress in the last half hour than I have in months, what’s your seduction advice?”
“Besides the tiddies?”
“Besides having tiddies.”
“Yeah no I think you’re just fucked. You’re too obvious and you come off as desperate.”
Gordon sputtered. “That’s—fair. That’s fair.”
“And you’ve been trying for months, I think if anything he’s building up an immunity to you at this point.”
“No, no he’s not, I’m wearing him down.”
“Sure. How long are we going to keep at this, then?”
“As long as it takes!”
“Just explain to him that it’s not cheating if we’re both into him. I honestly don’t think this is going to work any other way.”
“I don’t care if it works I just—” Gordon noticed Barney, who was clearly awake now, listening with mouth and eyes open. Gordon froze for a moment, then sighed. “Ah, goddammit.”
“What,” said Barney faintly.
Gordon pointed at him. “I would’ve got you. I would have.”
“What.”
“Oh, good, you are awake,” said Alyx. “Did you catch all of that or do I need to go over it?”
“What,” Barney sat up, “the fuck.”
“In my defense you deserved it and I’m not sorry,” said Gordon.
“What in the goddamn is happening?? I thought both of you horny bastards were trying to cheat on each other—”
“Oh no it’s very much a couple activity,” said Alyx. “Actually, Barney-loving is the foundation of our relationship. The first time I got him to say more than two words out loud was by asking about you. He went on this long rant about how you dumped him and I was like “oh, same,” and then we bonded over how frustratingly, unattainably gorgeous you were.”
“What?” He didn’t even know which part of that to focus on. It was all unbelievable. But she seemed to be serious. That would explain some stuff. He could puzzle about why later. Which meant, in the meantime, he just had to process the rest of this. What. What. “I don’t—you’re both attracted to me?”
“Very much yes,” said Alyx.
“….Huh,” Barney said intelligently. At least he’d quit with the what. He’d started to sound like a broken record.
“At the moment I’m still mostly pissed at you for breaking up with me on a pretense,” said Gordon, “But, yes, like it’s a surprise?”
“I what?! On a pretense?”
“Come on, you know you did, all of your reasons were stupid and fake! You couldn’t have expected me to believe you had a good reason!”
“All of—Gordon I’m twice your age and I’ve spent the last 15 years undercover killing and torturing innocent people!”
“YES! YES! Do you honestly not realize that all of that just makes you way hotter?”
“What?”
“I lose sight of you for a couple days and suddenly you’ve transformed into some kind of badass superspy, I was not prepared to deal with that, holy shit! And then you dumped me!”
“Oh, the war crimes are cute but you’re offended that I didn’t want to involve you?”
“Finally. You’ve finally got it.”
“What is wrong with you?!”
“You, mostly! I’m not even worried about the fucking Combine, it’s this stupid bullshit you’ve pulled that gets me—”
He grabbed Gordon by the shoulders and pushed him back into the wall. “Don’t you dare—”
Gordon was smiling.
“Really?” Barney relaxed his grip. “Is this what you wanted?”
“Ohhh no, are you mad at me, big guy?” Gordon asked, folding his arms behind his head with a lazy smile and relaxing into the wall. “You pissed off? Should I be scared?”
Barney inhaled slowly, then, turning away from Gordon, looked over at Alyx, who was gleefully watching the proceedings from a respectful distance. “Alyx. Permission to fuck your boyfriend?”
She sat on the chair, crossed one leg over the other and folded her hands on top, smirking like a devious businessman. “Fuck him up, Mr. Calhoun, you didn’t need to ask. Permission to watch?”
Oh. Right, yeah, she was into it but for some reason it didn’t sink in until now that—God, that was hot. “My pleasure.”
He collared Gordon and pushed him down on the mattress, knocking the air out of his lungs. Gordon managed to sound pleased about it. “Finally.”
Barney leaned down, pressing his shin to Gordon’s crotch and pinning his arms back. “Don’t be so cocky.”
“Oh. Got some new tricks to show me? Been fuckin around while I was gone?”
“What, with who, the other CP officers? That is a nightmare scenario,” he worked Gordon’s shirt off, tracing his hand down the trail of gingery hair on his torso.
“Really? You must’ve found someone, considering how quick you got over me.” Gordon was doing his best to sound unaffected but he was getting breathless already. The smug act never lasted long, as hard as he tried to keep it up. Nice to see that hadn’t changed.
“Oh, right, like you’re not the one who replaced me in a week,” Barney said, deliberately shifting the weight on his leg.
“I—hey, we consoled each other about our Barney woes and then we realized we worked really well together. That’s your fault for breaking up with me, anyway, but thanks, worked out really well.” He tugged promptingly at the hem of Barney’s shirt.
“That’s your fault for leaving me hanging for 20 years,” Barney slid his shirt off, “Not even a phone call, Gordon? Be surprised I still remember you.”
Gordon glared at him and seemed on the point of shooting back a response to that but suddenly froze, eyes darting across Barney’s bared torso. The silence stretched on for several moments and Barney realized they’d come to a complete standstill. Slowly Gordon reached out and touched the large scar on his side where C98 had shot him.
“I didn’t forget you though,” Barney clarified, hoping that last bit hadn’t been too much. “And I tried. Because I thought you weren’t coming back. But I never could. …Gordon?”
He looked blank.
“Serious question, are you okay?”
He remained frozen for another few moments, then his hand flashed up and signed a sharp “NO.”
Barney slid off him, but Gordon grabbed him by the arms and kept him from getting any further away.
“I thought you were dead,” he signed, movements sharp and brief, “I couldn’t find you and I was so scared and then I found you and you wouldn’t talk to me and you wouldn’t even tell me why and,” his movements descended into meaningless, frustrated flapping. He smacked Barney’s chest. “and you didn’t forget me even though time was longer for you WHICH I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND—” he sharply cut off what apparently had the potential to be a rant about the scientific implications of that and shook his head, “—but I’m supposed to just be okay with you shutting me out of your life? Is that how poorly you think of me? You really want me to just move on?”
“I didn’t, actually, but I thought it was inevitable—”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!!” he flexed his hands, huffing as he tried to collect himself.
Barney had always had a knack for driving Gordon past the capacity for coherent speech but this wasn’t how he preferred to do it.
“I’m sorry,” he said when Gordon didn’t seem to be trying to say anything else. “I really thought—”
“Shut up.” Gordon made several half-formed gestures, shrugged, and held his arms out. Barney rolled them to the side and pulled Gordon into his arms, where he burrowed his face into Barney’s chest and began shaking with silent sobs.
“You guys good?” asked Alyx, sitting down on the mattress beside them.
“I think so,” said Barney, ruffling the hair at the base of Gordon’s head.
“Good. Liking this a lot better for you. I mean, the mean stuff was cool, but it was going on a bit long. For a second there I was trying to figure out the logistics of dating two guys who actually want to kill each other…”
“Wait, so am I just dating both of you now?” Barney asked, still not quite processing the absolutely world-changing information that not only was he not fucking up their relationship, he could be part of it. Without messing up the good thing they had. Just… adding himself to it. Holy shit.
“I mean, that was the idea,” said Alyx, “If you don’t want to make it official—”
“No no, that’s. Huh.”
“Huh?” Alyx prompted, smiling.
“I mean. Huh. That’s. Neat.”
“Neat?”
“Give me a minute I’m still processing it.”
“Huh, neat. Well, glad you’re glad.”
Barney sighed. “Stupendous. How’s that?”
Gordon wheezed.
“I mean one of you is a catch, both is a lot, I’m kind of in shock about the amount of luck that takes, what cosmic lottery did I win that this is allowed to happen?” Barney continued.
“Neat,” mumbled Gordon into his chest.
“Neato,” said Alyx.
“Look, if you want me to talk like I have any clue what’s going on maybe you two should try being less hot and distracting.”
Gordon uncurled from his chest and rested his head on one hand, looking at him. He appeared to have recovered and a more subdued version of the smug flirting face was back.
“Yes?” said Barney.
“I’ve decided to accept your apology but you have to kiss me,” he said, voice a little strained, but clear.
“I accept your terms.” Barney traced the stubble along his jaw, down to the fringe of his growing-out goatee, pulled his fingertips through it.
He was back. He was still getting his head wrapped around that. Gordon was really back, and he wanted to stay.
He tilted Gordon’s chin towards him and kissed him, gently at first, then Gordon pushed him onto his back and rolled his whole body into him, and for a second they were those young idiots making out on a couch that smelled like stale popcorn in the bowels of Black Mesa again. Gordon’s glasses started to slip off and Barney, suddenly remembering how hard glasses were to replace these days, carefully took them off and held them clear of their bodies, not quite sure where to put them. After a moment he felt Alyx take them out of his hand and he said “thanks” in a brief moment when his mouth was free. She hummed.
They finally took a moment to breathe, and Gordon pushed himself up far enough to look down at Barney’s exposed chest, mapping out the scars with his eyes.
“Hey, are you going to apologize for stringin’ me along for months rather than just having this talk sooner?” Barney asked.
“Would you have listened to me sooner?” Gordon asked, parting the hair on his chest to lightly touch plasma rifle splash burns with his fingertips, then trace the bruises outlining where the plates of his armored vest had been slammed into his skin. “Also, when’d you get this fuzzy?”
“I mean—maybe not at first but yeah, eventually. And you didn’t exactly try it out first before committing to your little seduction scheme.”
“Hm,” Gordon settled back down, folded his hands on Barney’s chest and squinted at him. “I’ll think about it.”
“You’ll think about it.”
“I still think I was justified, but yeah, I’ll think it over. I’ll get back to you.”
“C’mon, you got an apology.”
“I deserved an apology.”
“Well,” Barney started, but Gordon put a hand over his mouth. Barney pushed the hand away, squinting at him in mock irritation, then kissed it slowly and sat up, pulling Gordon into his lap and tucking his face into the base of Gordon’s neck, where he could feel his pulse racing. He kissed there and Gordon arched into the touch, so he kept going, pressing kisses to his neck and shoulders. He grabbed Gordon’s hips to adjust his position and felt more than heard the little gasp he gave.
“What do you want?” he breathed into the side of Gordon’s neck, hands tracing the narrow outline of his hips.
Gordon took a shaky breath, hands clutched in Barney’s hair. “You know what I like,” he said after a moment to collect himself.
“You like a wide range of things lately, or so I’ve heard.”
Gordon chuckled. “What can I say, I’m a man of many talents. But there are some things you just can’t replace.” He shifted closer, tucking his legs around Barney’s hips. “And it’s been 20 years since I’ve had some good dick.”
“I thought that time was shorter for you, hmm?”
“Felt like longer. I’ve been starved, man.” Gordon nuzzled against him, and Barney had to agree.
“Right, well, I don’t exactly have any lube handy—”
“Like that’s ever stopped us?”
“Mmm. I’ll figure something out.”
He pushed Gordon back so he could maneuver them better, but Gordon froze in place, running his hands through Barney’s hair and tracing the grey streaks before sliding his hands down his face. “God, look at you,” he breathed almost reverently, tracing his thumb across the scar below his eye.
He had been serious about liking the grey. Huh.
…he was going to make so many jokes about that, later. Later. For now he was occupied with the extremely frustrating buckle on Gordon’s belt. It was a kind of fancy military type flip top that was supposed to look simple but that he always had trouble actually getting to work for him. “Is there like, a secret password for this?”
“Yeah it’s use your opposable thumbs? A monkey could do it.”
“Nah I think it takes an MIT degree.”
“The buckle? You’re shitting me.”
“No it’s really not working for me, you gotta figure it out.”
“I want you to do it.”
“I tried.”
“Try harder.”
Barney looked at him, then dropping his hand from the buckle rubbed him through the front of his pants.
“Fuck, okay,” said Gordon, reaching for the buckle. Barney kept teasing him, loving how long it was taking him to get it figured out.
“…Oh God it is stuck,” said Gordon with horrified realization. “Oh God.”
Barney rubbed harder, and Gordon swore under his breath.
“Hey, Alyx,” said Barney over his shoulder, “Did you lock your boyfriend into his pants? Is this like a chastity belt thing?”
“No? Is it jammed?”
He left Gordon alone for a moment and wriggled out of his own pants while Alyx bent down between them and jiggled with the buckle for a few moments.
“Um, yep,” said Alyx, “It’s, uh, jammed.”
“Fuck!” said Gordon.
“Too bad,” said Barney lightly. “Guess the party’s over. An MIT-graduated physicist and a brilliant inventor can’t manage to undo a buckle between them.”
“I will kill you,” said Gordon.
“I’m joking. Think they’re loose enough to pull off?”
“Um, we’re gonna try!” said Gordon, making an unsuccessful attempt. “…You might need to help.”
“I’ll hold him,” said Alyx, looping her arms around his chest and holding him back. Barney started the tedious task of working Gordon’s pants down over his hips, and Gordon started to shake with laughter.
“This is karma,” said Alyx, also giggling. “This is why you shouldn’t play with people’s emotions, it’ll come back around and the universe will ensure that you get stuck in your pants the very night you try to break a 20-year dick fast.”
Gordon laughed, then swore.
“Makin progress,” said Barney.
The belt got stuck around Gordon’s hips and he had to work it down with little side-to-side tugs. This evidently did a lot for Gordon.
“H-ha, fuck—can you do that any faster?”
Barney considered slowing down, just to give Gordon a taste of his own medicine after the months of frustration he’d subjected him to, but decided against it. He pulled the pants free and Gordon slumped back against Alyx with a gasp.
“Look at that, having no ass is a blessing sometimes—what.” The buckle, now that the belt had gone slack, had decided to open of its own accord. Barney held it up in disbelief. “How.”
Gordon snatched the pants away from him, balled them up, and flung them violently across the room before climbing into Barney’s lap and kissing him desperately.
“Hey, I need your mouth,” Barney shifted Gordon onto the mattress, kissed him on the cheek and put his fingers in his mouth. Gordon switched his attention to getting them as wet as possible. Barney was meanwhile calculating the logistics of having a mattress on the floor as their sole base of operations. Might be a bit awkward, but he wanted Gordon facing him. They’d be fine, he decided, remembering the last time they did this was on a couch and they accidentally found the missing remote when it turned the TV on from somewhere under the cushions.
He took his fingers out of Gordon’s mouth and pushed them into a different hole, testing him. He was already fairly relaxed, but Barney took his time making sure.
“Ready?”
Gordon panted up at him in disbelief. “Do you need to ask me that?”
Barney smiled.
“Yes!” Gordon snapped, starting to get up. Barney motioned for him to stay where he was, did some more mental math, settled into a comfortable kneeling position and pulled Gordon’s hips into his lap. Yeah, that worked.
“How’s that?” he asked. Pretty good, going by Gordon’s face—keeping him where he could see him was a good call, he loved watching the last traces of smugness get completely obliterated.
“Hm,” Gordon confirmed, leaning his head back and squeezing Barney’s arms. He heard Alyx make a similar noise next to him and realized another plus for this position was it gave her plenty to look at. And Gordon sure was a sight, his chest was heaving and he’d flushed that bright pink that showed up so clear on his pale skin. Barney drank him in, the familiar birthmarks, the newer scars, the bruises from the HEV suit. Then he remembered the last time he’d helped with the suit, and he thought of all the times Gordon had decided to mess with him rather than trying to talk, and all the times over the past months they could have been doing this rather than endlessly frustrating each other, and he paused, prompting Gordon to look up at him.
“Miss me?” he asked.
Gordon dug his nails into his arms and said “Fffff.”
And that was how he liked to steal his words. Some things hadn’t changed; he knew he was doing good when Gordon devolved to wordless panting and whines. He realized it wasn’t only working on Gordon when he heard Alyx unzipping her pants next to them. Good to know she was enjoying the show. It distracted him for a moment, then just encouraged him to focus on Gordon. His eyes were closed now, body arched hungrily into him. When he came it was almost silent, only a faint gasp that seemed to tear itself out of him. He coaxed him through the aftershocks, massaging his hips, hearing Alyx gasping “fuck, fuck, fuck” in response. Then he started to pull out, and Gordon blinked up at him.
“You done?” he signed shakily, and he realized Gordon expected him to finish, because, yeah. That’s what they usually did. At least, that was probably still the status quo in Gordon’s head, where it hadn’t been 20 years of isolation and terror and Combine propaganda. Barney realized he hadn’t really been thinking about his own pleasure, and now that he did think about it, huh. God. He wanted to, but he wasn’t sure that he could—it meant letting himself go in a way he hadn’t in ages.
He wasn’t sure how much of this Gordon could guess, he wasn’t even sure if he could have explained it to him if asked, but he seemed to get the gist of it because his expression softened and he signed “It’s okay. It’s just me. You know me. Come on,” and that was enough to get him going again, feeling oddly off-balance all of a sudden, and then Gordon signed “I love you.” And somehow that completely undid him. He swore under his breath, spilling into him, the feeling of orgasm both shockingly new and yet familiar, breaking through his body despite himself and leaving him gasping. He lowered Gordon onto the mattress and ran a shaking hand through his hair.
“Got you,” signed Gordon with a little smile.
“Oh shut up,” sighed Barney, and kissed him on the forehead, carefully stretching out his legs. He was pretty tough from all the CP patrols, but still, his thighs had started to cramp. He lay down with his head on Gordon’s shoulder. The smell of the HEV suit had soaked into his skin—burnt rubber and alien blood, a sort of singed mechanical smell.
He looked over at Alyx. She was flushed and breathing hard.
“Enjoying yourself?”
She grinned and nodded.
“Let me rest a minute and I’ll help.” He kind of wanted to go straight to sleep, but he figured he was good for a bit more activity (unlike Gordon, who was practically melting into the mattress.) He’d been thinking about how Alyx had responded to his hands the first time and how he could perfect his form.
“Lovely,” she said, slipping her shirt off in a remarkably smooth, un-injured movement. Barney squinted at her.
“Oh, I thought you were sore?” he said. “So sore you had trouble moving?”
Alyx settled down on Gordon’s other side. “Ah hm yes I am miraculously cured. Good job, um, you cured me,” she laughed. “Seriously though, I am pretty sore, and you did help. So thank you. But yeah I might have exaggerated the stiffness a little.”
“Unbelievable.” He finally did what he’d wanted to do before, and ran a hand down the smooth curves of her body. Where Gordon was sharp and angular she was soft, but the softness hid rock-hard muscles from a life of constant fighting. Having both of them within reach like this was almost too much to process.
“The roof thing was Gordon’s idea, though,” said Alyx.
“Okay, yes, but you were really into it,” signed Gordon after a confused moment of untangling his arms from the two of them.
“The wh—oh my God. That was on purpose? You knew I’d go up there!”
“I mean it was kind of a gamble but we hoped so, yeah,” said Alyx. “Glad to hear it worked. It’d be really awkward to find out it was some other random person who walked in on us.”
Ah, so they had noticed. Fortunately he was still too shocked about the rest of this to really be embarrassed. “It would! It would have been!”
“So, I’m glad it was you.” She winked at him, hooking her thumbs under her bra straps. “Little help please?”
This time he took his time, touching as much as he wanted. Her breasts were as soft as they looked. She was examining him, too; her fingers found and traced the scar on his side.
He was pretty sure they were squishing Gordon, but he seemed to be okay with that, sighing happily as they reached across him. Alyx smiled at this and rolled over on top of him, looking like she was about to kiss him, then she paused.
“Oh. Dude. You’re still hard?”
Gordon nodded primly.
“Yeah,” said Barney, “he’s probably too tired t—mmf.” Gordon had slapped a hand across his mouth without even looking away from Alyx. “Oh, you’re not tired? Am I losing my touch? You’re usually blissfully comatose for a solid half-hour afterwards. Unless that was all flattery, I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“Hmm,” said Alyx with interest. “How long do you think you’d last?”
“Good question. That sounds like an interesting experiment,” signed Gordon. That smug look was back. Jesus Christ, Barney thought. 20somethings. He was old.
“Very interesting,” said Alyx, and kissed him deeply. “Seriously, how tired are you? Can you stand up?”
“I’m good for anything,” signed Gordon. Unbelievable.
“How about you?” she turned to Barney.
“Uh, dick’s outta commission until tomorrow probably, but other than that? I am yours to command, my lady.”
“Oh, good, because I do still have a sore back—”
“Do you?”
“Can I lean on you? I know you’ll take care of me.”
Well that just sounded needlessly complicated, given they were all tired and she was already on top of Gordon, but it would be hypocritical of him to question that, and he was hardly going to turn down an invitation to participate. “Gladly.”
She guided him to lean against the wall, then paused for a moment to look at him, brushing his hair back. He kissed the inside of her wrist, and she stepped closer, pressing their bodies together, and kissed him, nothing between them—no armor, no fabric, no pretenses. He melted.
Gordon made an impatient noise from somewhere over her shoulder and Barney chuckled. “Tend to your boyfriend, dear.”
“I am,” she said, and cupped his jaw in her hands and kissed him again, and good God he still wasn’t used to that, he had a feeling he never really would be. Then she twisted around, wrapping his arms around her—“C’mere,” she said to Gordon, and he pressed her into Barney’s chest rather than the wall and oh this was brilliant actually. He held her steady, lifting one hand to trace the outline of a nipple as she shuffled out of her pants. She sighed, he had a feeling he was helping. Then Gordon picked her up and he helped support her weight.
He felt it when Gordon pushed into her and they both gasped. God, he can’t believe he ever questioned this, he’d give up sleep for a week rather than miss this. He could feel every movement Gordon made, pushing her back into him; he could feel her heart racing.
Gordon’s movements were already a bit frantic, though, and he thought they’d frustrated Alyx enough tonight without another false start. Which was his clean hand? Left? Yeah, good thing he could shoot with both. He slipped it between the two bodies in front of him and worked his fingers in around Gordon’s dick, stimulating her from the outside while Gordon handled the rest. Alyx gasped.
“Oh, fuck, Barney! God, that’s good, yes—”
He settled into a rhythm that complimented Gordon’s thrusts and she whimpered happily, arching her body desperately into the touch, and he could feel her orgasm build and finally break as she swore frantically under her breath. This seemed to release Gordon’s last shred of control and he came a moment later, then collapsed against Alyx, still coming down from her own high, and for a couple seconds Barney was supporting both of them.
“…Barney?” said Alyx in an odd tone, setting her feet back on the floor and adjusting Gordon, who was still dead weight. “I think he passed out.”
“What?” Barney shifted Gordon into his arms and his head slumped limply onto his shoulder. “Oh holy shit.”
“Dibs on not being the one to explain what happened if we have to take him to the hospital,” panted Alyx.
Barney laid him on the mattress and raised his knees, checking his pulse. His heart was still racing. Before he could really start to panic Gordon blinked up at him.
“Gordon?”
He raised a hand and gave a little wave, still looking pretty out of it.
“Oh thank God.”
“What,” signed Gordon, the movement barely coherent.
“You passed out,” said Barney.
“No I didn’t,” signed Gordon, eyes still glazed over.
Barney laughed in relief. “Yes, you did.”
“No I just got really relaxed,” signed Gordon. He did seem to be recovering, his signs were getting clearer and easier to read. “I’m fine. It was nice.”
“It was not nice, I thought you were dying,” said Alyx.
“I was just resting,” signed Gordon.
“Your whole body went completely limp!” said Alyx.
“Yeah,” signed Gordon blissfully. “We should do that again sometime.”
“No,” said Barney and Alyx simultaneously.
“At least not the part where you pass out,” said Alyx.
“I did not,” signed Gordon, “I did not pass out I am perfectly fine everything is good for me here. How are you?”
Alyx laughed. “Also fine, especially since I didn’t pass out!”
“I did not pass out. Stop saying that.”
“You did! You were completely out of it,” said Barney.
“Shut up,” signed Gordon.
“Can’t believe the guy who saved the world twice couldn’t handle coming twice,” said Barney.
“You are both so mean to me,” signed Gordon, narrowing his eyes at them, “I am going to space. Goodbye. I am going to be a hermit on one of those floating islands on Xen. You’ll never see me again.”
“That might be advisable for your health, actually,” said Alyx. “If too much sex makes you pass out.”
“It does not,” signed Gordon, “That did not happen I am fine.”
“That did happen!” said Alyx.
“No no no,” signed Gordon, but Barney could tell he was trying not to laugh.
“Well, citizens, that’s just what happens when you have sex,” said Barney in his best Wallace Breen voice, “you die.”
Gordon’s entire body went stiff. His hand shot up to cover Barney’s mouth as he stared at him in horrified disbelief. Alyx just gaped at him for a minute with something in between disgust, amusement and awe before saying “Oh my God. Never do that again.”
Barney cackled. “I think that’s the best reaction I’ve ever gotten.”
“Worst,” signed Gordon. “Worst reaction. What the fuck. I was just the most relaxed I’ve ever been in my life and you ruined it. What the fuck.”
Barney pulled Gordon into his lap and kissed the top of his head. “That’s what you get.”
“Mmmean,” Gordon slurred, but seemed quite happy to curl up in his arms. Alyx hugged him from the other side and Barney, now satisfied that Gordon wasn’t dying, took a moment to look at her, and brushed her hair out of her flushed face.
He was staying, he realized, because this was also his room (had that been one of their little schemes too?), and they wanted him here, and he had no reason to leave, and he felt warmer than he had since the first time he thought he’d lost one of them at Black Mesa. He was staying. He had both of them in his arms and he didn’t have to let go.