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Did he hear it right? Probably yes.
“Tell me, Light, from the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you’ve actually told the truth?”
Light has never heard a question in such an evocative tone, simple yet so layered, with the effect that although all around raindrops bounce loudly on the surface, Light only hears his heartbeat. A rapid heartbeat, he couldn't have chosen a better moment, but he realizes the cursed organ in his chest always starts to pound faster when he talks to L.
The question is ringing in his head making it dizzy and Light honestly doesn't know how to answer it because L's face distracts him. It's all wet, silver drops running down from his black hair to his pale cheeks, if he were crying it wouldn't even be noticeable, the tears would mix with the rain. He looks so depressed and Light hates to admit it, but he feels a twinge in his heart, as if a remnant of empathy has awakened within him.
“There were times when I regretted not telling the truth,” Light finds himself saying, mouth acting before his brain. It has never happened before.
L keeps on staring at him blankly. “That doesn’t really answer my question, Light-kun.”
“I think it answers enough.”
Light wishes L's face was more expressing, so he could read all his feelings, see his thoughts, understand him, but L is like a porcelain doll, beautiful but devoid of any emotions.
Beautiful. Light quickly pushes the thought out of his mind.
“Give me an example when you regretted not saying the truth,” L challenges in a low tone, a drop of rain stops on his upper lip and Light stares at it for far too long.
“I can't think of one right now,” Light doesn't lie, his brain is unfocused, running astray with everything and nothing at once.
L gives him a doubtful look. “So what are you thinking about now?”
You.
“Me?” L asks, with a distinct note of surprise in his voice, and Light only realizes that he has spoken his thought aloud. Fuck.
“I just wonder why you decided to come out in such a downpour,” Light answers a bit too fast, and he knows very well that liars talk too fast.
“The rain is... cleansing,” L mumbles and looks away from Light, staring blindly back into space in front of him. “And romantic at some point,” he adds.
“Romantic?”
“Have you ever been in love, Light-kun?” L asks casually, like it's the most normal question in the world.
Light is caught off guard. Why suddenly their conversation turned to the topic of love, this is the least important thing they should be worried about now, love is redundant, annoying, disturbing... it is the last element Light would need right now; well, he never needed it, he always put up love to himself in the first place, because he knew that then he would be the strongest, invincible.
“No,” Light says.
“I see.”
“Have you?” Light can't help but ask, curiosity is eating him up inside. In fact, he couldn't see L in love, couldn't visualize how a black-haired detective would react to the person he loves; the images in his head are hazy, and all he sees is L in front of him, drenched and lost in his thoughts.
“Maybe.”
Maybe? So the odds are fifty out of fifty, and that doesn't satisfy Light's curiosity.
“Are you shy to tell me?” Light intentionally teases, hoping it would trigger L.
L takes a look at him and blinks. “It is not a question of shyness. There is simply no need for you to have this knowledge.”
“Ah, so I can't know if you were in love, but you can know if I was?” Light asks and there is a hint of desperation in his voice, he hopes L didn't catch it.
“Yes, I actually needed that information,” L states.
“Why?”
“To better visualize your psychological portrait.”
Light frowns. L is still deciphering what Light has in his head after so many months; he hasn't grown tired of making hypotheses about him, and he still follows his every step. It simply means that Light is a permanent resident of L's mind, and this realization causes Light to experience a peculiar tightness in his chest.
“Do you ever think about anything other than the case, Ryuuzaki?”
“Maybe.”
Light snorts, irritated. “Is it knowledge that I don't need to have again?”
“Yes.”
“You know, friends confide in each other, don't they?” Light asks, trying to cover up the manipulative tone of this question.
L tilts his head to the side, carefully studying Light's face. “Are we really friends, Light-kun?”
“Well, what are we then?”
Silence falls between them. L seems to be unconcerned about the answer; it's just that his attention is fixed on Light all the time, and Light wonders whether he's freezing from L's penetrating stare or from the rain soaking into his clothing.
“Recently I wondered... about you and Misa and why you never loved her,” L completely ignores the previous question and starts an irrelevant topic again. Light is annoyed.
“And did you come to any conclusions?” Light questions.
“Not really. I just always thought... that a certain person is getting into a relationship because they are in love.”
“I think you know little about love, Ryuuzaki.”
“I think I know more than you do,” L sounds so sure that Light almost believes him.
“So I suppose you were once in love after all,” Light claims, lips twitching in a weak smile.
L chuckles, no, he actually laughs, deeply and sincerely, the first time Light hears it from him and deep down he hopes it's not the last one. He sees clearly L's row of straight teeth, as small wrinkles under his eyes form, as his Adam's apple bobs slightly. Light unconsciously holds his breath.
“Does it really bother you so much?” L asks, smiling, but his lips return to their normal flat form in seconds.
Light exhales. “I'm just curious.”
“I was in love,” L finally admits and Light knows that now he will not be able to stop thinking about it.
“And? How was it?” It's kind of stupid question but slips from Light's mouth anyway.
“It was...” L pauses, diverting his gaze to the sky. “Interesting.”
“Tell me more,” Light says, well aware that his curiosity is beginning to resemble being nosy. But now that they've started talking about it, Light wants to learn as much as he can; he actually doesn't know L at all, and his past, or at least a portion of it, appears to be incredibly fascinating.
“You really want to talk about it now? You don't mind if you're all wet?” L glances at Light's soaked shirt.
“I don't care,” Light shrugs.
“Okay then,” L inhales sharply. “Love is interesting because it gives you new impressions, it makes you want to get out of bed and look good. However, it also has disadvantages, especially when it is unrequited and in my case it was, the person I was in love with never even kissed me.”
The part about the kiss gets stuck in Light's head. Again, he cannot imagine L connecting lips with someone else, it's just... it doesn't seem right. Light's fists clench on their own for an incomprehensible reason, maybe because of the cold, maybe because of... whatever.
“Have you told this person that you loved them?” Comes another question from Light, this conversation starts to feel like an interview.
“No.”
“Maybe you should have done it.”
Something flashes in L’s expression that Light doesn't quite understand. “There are many things I should have done, but I didn't, no use regretting now.”
“Give me an example.”
“I can't think of one right now,” L repeats Light's words from a few minutes ago, a tiny smirk is sitting on his wet face.
“So what are you thinking about now?” Light decides to play along and repeats L's question. He just needs to hear one answer, and he's no longer fighting the voices in his head telling him it's ridiculous.
L keeps on staring at Light with those large black eyes. “What do you want to hear, Light-kun?” He asks in a voice much deeper than before.
Light shivers, then swallows hard. “I don't know,” he can taste the bitter taste of lie on his tongue. He hates it, he hates how hard it is to hold that mask of an innocent teenager in front of L, he hates how his heart is loudly drumming against his ribcage, that he has feelings for L that he can't even name, that he is the most exciting entity Light has ever met; the only worthy rival.
“Is that so?”
Light just hums in response.
“What if I say I'm thinking of you?” L asks.
Light feels as his heart flutters and for a moment he considers ripping it out of his chest. Calm the fuck down.
“Then I wouldn't be surprised,” Light answers softly. “What exactly do you think?”
“That... you must be cold,” L confesses.
Light hoped for a different reply, but this one is somehow satisfactory too.
“I'm okay, don't worry. You must be cold too.”
“Oh, I'm actually freezing,” L admits and only now Light notices that the detective's teeth are chattering and his lower lip is quivering. Why does he dislike this sight so much?
“Do you want me to hug you or something?” Light offers playfully, but it sounded way better in his head. He bites his tongue almost to the point of blood.
“Actually I wouldn't mind,” L says quietly, almost whispers but Light hears that very well.
Light's eyes widen a bit, and towards L he is guided by some higher force beyond his control. What the fuck are you doing? Stand still. But his legs keep moving forward until he's right in front of L, there's only a few inches between their bodies.
Chained to L, Light could observe L's different habits, at what time he ate, could watch his side profile as he worked on the case, could even see him naked, he could feel the mattress moving beside him at night, and as L sometimes talked in his sleep. However, he had never really looked at L's face closely and wishes he had, because... it's captivating, and raindrops on it only add to the effect. The smoothness of L's skin is impressive, the dark circles under the eyes are downright attractive, his lower lip is quite plump and Light quickly moves his gaze away from that part, as the thoughts that accompanied him while looking at it were becoming strange.
Everything is like in slow motion when he looks at L, he wonders if L feels it too.
Light wraps his arms around L without second thinking and squeezes, but not too tight. He gently puts his head on the L's left shoulder and his eyelids automatically droops. Despite being totally wet and hugging an equally drenched person, Light feels a strange comfort blossoming all over him that he has never experienced before in his life.
L timidly hugs him back and a smile creeps across Light's lips, now he feels complete. He wants to smell L, so he presses his nose against his shirt and inhales deeply, but to his disappointment he can only feel the scent of rain.
Light can't believe he's hugging L with such a tenderness like he really cares about him, yet he guesses it's normal between friends, and they supposedly are ones. He wonders what L thinks about all of this, but neither of them say anything, the only sound breaking the silence is heavy rain.
Light breaks the hug after a time unknown to him. He stares at L's face again, and notices that the detective's lips are now slightly parted, he seems dumbfounded and Light can't blame him.
L's cheeks seem so velvety soft, and Light, as if in a trance, can't help but draw his face close to one of them and plant a kiss there, its wet sound almost obscene. He has no idea what he's doing anymore, maybe what he always desired to do. The most significant thing is that he has no regrets; kissing his alleged enemy on the cheek was the most beautiful paradox he has ever experienced.
L's eyes are wide, he stares at Light both shocked and mortified. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out.
Light grins, immensely satisfied and pleased with how L's skin felt on his lips. He will never forget it and there are other places he'd like to kiss L, but he's aware he can't because that level of intimacy would be too much.
“Are you less cold now?” Light asks softly.
“Yeah...” L mutters, averting his gaze to the side.
Light smiles warmly. “Let's go inside, huh?”
“Okay.”
And they go, Light upright and proud in front, L hunched with a slower step behind. The water rattles under their shoes, the rain doesn't seem to stop falling today.
“Why did you do this to me, Light?” L whispers to himself and Light doesn't hear it, there's no need for him to hear it. It's too late anyway.