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someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares.

Summary:

(things italicized are signed)

"What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing really, not something you’d like to hear at least.” Ernst responded, lifting his head up to hear him and complete his gaze.

“Don’t joke, I always want to hear what you’re thinking.”

“Really?”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

As the evening came to a close, the warm spring breeze blowing through the trees surrounding them, Hanschen and Ernst laid quietly, enjoying eachothers company. They had been out there for the whole day it felt, Hanschen promised Ernst study help at school hours before but that gets much too boring 10 minutes in. And on such a nice day who would they be if they didn’t enjoy eachothers company outside, in their spot, in the vineyard. 

Hanschen thread his fingers through Ernst's hair, neither of them speaking and at least one of them deep in thought.

 

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, turning his head down at him puzzled. Ernst didn’t respond which made sense, his good ear was covered. Hanschen waved his hand in front of the other boy's face to get his attention. The question he had asked before was almost rhetorical. Hanschen took notice of the fact Ernst always seemed deep in thought. What he lacked in studies he definitely made up for in imagination. 

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

“Nothing really, not something you’d like to hear at least.” Ernst responded, lifting his head up to hear him and complete his gaze. 

 

“Don’t joke, I always want to hear what you’re thinking.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I wouldn’t lie.” Hanschen let his hands slide from the other boys hair down to his shoulders, becoming slightly more serious. 

 

“Well,” Ernst started, taking Hanschen's hands off him so he could sit up and face him. “I was just thinking, have been thinking, about what happened with Wendla and Melchior. You know, their relationship. How could God let their relationship which was completely okay in the eyes of the church end so badly. What would happen to us?” 

 

Hanschen nodded to show he was listening, taking Ernst's hands in his.

 

“I might just be paranoid, but losing two people you were close to might do that to you. Especially in such horrible circumstances.” Ernst continued, he could feel his eyes beginning to water slightly. It wasn’t that he cried a lot, but something about what happened to Wendla and even Moritz really choked him up. Probably because it could’ve been him in both situations. “I just don’t want- I don’t want that to happen to us. I get worried.” 

 

“Ernst, darling. You know very well what we have is nothing like Melchior and Wendla. I can tell you wholeheartedly what they had was, not good. From what I’ve been told Melchior was not as good as you would come to believe from just school. You love me, and that's already more than what they had.” Hanschen lifted Ernst's hand, kissing it slightly to comfort him. “Besides, I’m much smarter than Melchior, and you aren’t as simple, virginal and naïve as Wendla. I can’t speak for God, but I think he gave Melchior whatever he deserved, I cannot speak for what he let happen to Wendla though.”

 

Ernst set his forehead against Hanschen's, closing his eyes letting his breathing match the other boys’. Trying to calm himself. “How can you be so sure?”

 

“You mustn't tell anyone, but I talked to Marianna Wheelan the other day.” He stopped for a second, signing M-A-R-I-A-N-N-A  W-H-E-E-L-A-N to make sure Ernst followed. “Well I ran into her on my walk to the cemetery to leave some fresh flowers for Moritz. And she seemingly was doing the same for Wendla. Unlike the other girls she seems to not mind me, or completely dislike me and I let her confide in me for a moment. She told me the day Moritz wasn’t at church, the Sunday before they found his body, Wendla had left to find Melchior and ask where he was. She came back to Marianna a few hours later shaken up. Apparently Melchior had, you know, done what he did to her, and she confessed to her about what had transpired between them.” 

 

Ernst stared at Hans, blinking slowly, the thought of how Wendla felt made him feel sick. He liked Melchior, he’d helped him in class beforehand but as Hanschen told him what had apparently transpired that day between the two it made him feel disgusted to even know him.

 

“That's horrible, poor Wendla.”

 

“Indeed, you can see why I think Melchior got what he deserved, yes? I mean knowing such information can really open your eyes.”

 

Ernst nodded, moving his head to Hanschen's shoulder and resting his eyes.

 

“I don’t think God punished him on the fact he was with a girl, I think he punished him on the fact he had pained her. And, I wouldn’t do that to you, we wouldn’t do that to each other. If God hadn’t wanted us to be together, he wouldn’t have made us have feelings for each other.” Hanschen held Ernst's hands as they matched each other's breathing. 

 

Ernst turned and kissed Hanschen's cheek, smiling into it immediately. “Thank you for this Hansy, really, It means so much to me. To have you, to be with you. I really do love you.”

 

Hanschen smiled, feeling content. He lied back down on the newly greened spring grass, taking Ernst down with him as doves chirped overhead.

Notes:

hiii this is my first ever like. spring awakening fic i guess i hope you liked it :) follow me on twt @vvendlabergmann and on tumblr at @plumscapes
the title is from the song personal jesus by depeche mode !