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Jacob fidgeted nervously with his sleeves, his legs pulled up onto the couch. He looked up when the door opened, and felt his heart start to pound when he saw his sister walk through the door. He took a breath and swallowed. He could do this. He had to do this. “Pere?”
Peregrine took her coat off and hung it up on the rack, then looked at him. “Yeah?” she said, dropping her backpack onto the floor.
“I, um.” He balled his hands into fists in his lap, trying to stop himself from scratching his wrists or his legs. “I need to talk to you.”
She looked nervous, but nodded, then walked over and sat down on the armchair near the couch. She swung her legs a little as she looked at him. “What is it?”
Sometimes Jacob forgot she was two years younger than him. She was always more confident than he was, always sat up straighter, spoke up louder. She would never be afraid of who she was, or what other people would think of her for it. Jacob wanted that more than anything. “I-- I need to-- to tell you something.” He looked down, not wanting to face her when he said it. “We were talking at school, and Jenna said that when we’re older, she-- she said she wants to be my girlfriend.”
“Gross, I don’t want to hear about your love life,” Peregrine protested, and Jacob heard her stand.
He looked up, already feeling the tears well up in his eyes. “But I don’t want a girlfriend, Pere,” he continued before he could stop himself or before she left and he lost his chance. “I don’t like girls like that.”
“Oh.” Peregrine stopped, looking down. She was quiet for a long minute, and he couldn’t see her face. He hated that he couldn’t see her face. Then she looked back up, and she just looked confused. “That’s okay,” she said. “Mom said that you can be happy by yourself, remember? And she’d know, so it’s--”
“That isn’t what I want!” Peregrine flinched when he raised his voice. He swallowed, shrinking back. He was quiet when he spoke again, and he looked back down, hands shaking. “I like-- I like guys, Per. I-- I’m gay.”
Peregrine went quiet again. “Oh,” she said again after a minute. “That-- That’s okay, too!” she added quickly. “I just want you to be happy, and it’s just how you are, right? And I know Mom would--”
“You can’t tell Mom!” Jacob said, panicking a little and looking back at Peregrine. Her face fell, and he was quick to continue, lowering his voice. “I’m not... Ready to tell her. Please.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve.
His sister nodded slightly. She looked hesitant for a second before asking, “Do you want a hug?”
It felt like the weight he’d been carrying around for months had finally lifted from his shoulders. He nodded slightly. Peregrine got up and walked over. She curled up on the couch next to him, wrapping her arms around him.
He held onto her tight, burying his face in her hair. He knew he was still shaking, he couldn't help it, couldn't stop. "i love you."
Peregrine hugged him tighter. "I love you, too."